Overprotective
by Professor Snaglefoompus
Summary: A hypothetical situation: What if Gohan didn't remember who Hercule was when he first went to high school? Written for SweetestIrony's Gohan/Videl Week 3.0.
1. New Friends

**Author's Note:** This story was written for SweetestIrony's Gohan/Videl week 3.0. The starter sentence was "...leaving her thunderstruck". I fudged a little bit and delayed the starter sentence until the fifth paragraph.

So...what if, on his first day of school, Gohan didn't remember Hercule from the fight with Cell? After all, Gohan only saw him for one day, seven years ago, and he kind of had more important things to worry about at the time.

* * *

"Videl is famous, you know," Erasa said.

"Really?" Gohan asked. He had never met a famous person before! Then again, he had never heard of Videl before, either. "Why?"

Videl closed her eyes to try to block Erasa out. _Here we go again..._ she thought.

"Her father is Hercule, the World Champ."

"Who?" Gohan asked, leaving her thunderstruck.

"Hercule Satan, the world's greatest fighter! You haven't heard of him?"

"Nope," Gohan said, trying to think if he had read that name in a book somewhere. "And I know a lot of good fighters, too..."

Videl let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. Finally, someone who _wasn't_ completely obsessed with her father.

"Please, he's a country bumpkin," Sharpener said. "Of _course_ he doesn't know anyone important."

"He's the man who defeated Cell!" Erasa said.

"WHAT?" Gohan asked, almost falling out of his chair. "But I—that is—_who_ are you talking about now?"

_That's weird_, Videl thought. _Why is he overreacting?_

"Here," she said, pulling out their civics textbook and flipping to the story about how Orange City was renamed Hercule City seven years ago. She pointed to the picture of official naming ceremony. "There's me, and there's Dad."

Gohan stared at the picture until something clicked.

"Oh wait, I know him! He's that phony—oops."

"Phony?" Videl asked, dangerously.

"No, not phony! I'm sure your father is a nice person, even if he's not that good of a fi—"

"Not that good of a fighter? He's the World Champ!" Erasa insisted.

"The best fighter ever!" Sharpener said.

Videl had a more sensible objection. "If you haven't heard of my dad before, how do you know what kind of a fighter he is?"

"Ha ha ha!" Gohan laughed nervously. "Look, forget I said anything! This whole fighting thing is none of my business, anyway!"

"You _know_ something about my dad, don't you?" Videl asked.

"Um...uh..."

Gohan looked around desperately for something that would change the topic. The picture in the textbook caught his eye; specifically, he saw the woman who looked sort of like an older Videl who was standing behind her.

"Hey, enough about your dad, let's talk about your mom!" Gohan said, pointing at the woman in the photo. "That's her, right? What's she like?"

"She's dead," Videl said. "She died in a car crash three years ago."

_Oh..._ Gohan thought. Not the best topic change ever. "So why don't you—?"

"Hey! Are you paying attention up there?" the teacher asked. "Mr. Gohan, I know it's your first day of school, but could you please save the chit-chat for _after_ class?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Brown," Gohan said.

_He knows something about my father_, Videl thought. _But...how can that be the case if he doesn't know who my dad is?_

* * *

After class, Videl stopped Gohan.

"Gohan? Could we talk alone for a moment?"

"Huh? Sure, I guess," Gohan said.

They waited for everyone to leave the classroom.

"Is this about your mom?" Gohan asked. "I'm sorry for mentioning her. My dad died when I was eleven, so I know what it's like to lose a parent."

"Your father died when you were eleven?" Videl asked. "That must be rough. How did it happen?"

Gohan's eyes turned unexpectedly harsh. "He died fighting Cell," Gohan said simply.

"But...most of the people Cell killed came back to life!" Videl said. That was the big miracle that occurred shortly after her father killed Cell. Try as she might, she never _could_ figure out why or how it happened.

"...My dad wasn't one of them," Gohan said.

_Oh...no wonder he thinks my dad is a phony..._

"I'm really sorry," Videl apologized again. "I didn't mean to remind you."

"It's not your fault," Gohan said. He smiled at her. "Thanks for caring, though. Want to eat lunch together?"

"Um...sure, okay!" Videl said.

* * *

They ate underneath the big tree at the end of the schoolyard.

"No, I'm an only child," Videl said. "What about you? Any brothers or sisters?"

"Just my little brother Goten," Gohan said. "He's seven. Mom's really overprotective of him."

"I'm lucky my dad isn't overprotective," Videl said. "At least, not usually."

"Not usually?"

"He lets me do whatever I want _except_ when guys are involved," Videl said, tracing her hand along the grooves in the tree trunk. "I'm not allowed to go to school dances or anything like that unless he's there to chaperone. It's embarrassing."

"I can imagine," Gohan said.

"What about you?" Videl asked. "Does your mom allow you to go out on dates?"

"I don't know," Gohan said. "I never asked. There aren't any girls near my house."

"Where do you live?"

"In the mountains," Gohan said, taking a bite of a sandwich. "I live about two hours away from school."

"Wow, that's a long commute," Videl said.

"It's not so bad," Gohan said, mainly because he could make the trip in fifteen minutes. "I kinda like it here."

"I'm glad you do," Videl said. "It's a great place."

* * *

"So, how was your first day of school, Gohan?" Chi-Chi asked.

"I've never been to the city before," Goten said. "What's it like?"

"Well...it's really different," Gohan said. "There are so many people around, and they all know about things I've never heard of! I hope I'll be able to fit in okay."

"I'm sure you'll do fine, honey," Chi-Chi said. "Did you make any friends?"

"Sure, I guess," Gohan said. "The people I sit with in class are really friendly, and I had lunch with a girl named Videl."

"That's a silly name!" Goten laughed.

"She's semi-famous, too! Her father is the person they named the city after!"

"Well, isn't that nice?" Chi-Chi said. "Sounds like you're making friends with important people, Gohan. I always wondered why they changed the name of the town. What did he do?"

"Um..." Gohan said.

* * *

_Later..._

_"Not only did he take credit for killing Cell, but they named a __town__ after him for it?"_ Chi-Chi screeched. "That's it! I'm going to beat this man with my bare hands! I'll show him what a _real _fighter looks like!"

"Mom! You can't go around beating up my friends' parents!"

"Well...maybe not, but he'd better look out during the next Back to School Night!"

* * *

"So, how was school today, Sweet Pea?" Hercule asked his daughter at dinner that night.

"We have a new student," Videl said. "His name is Son Gohan, and he sits two seats next to me."

"A new student, huh? Where's he from?"

"Somewhere in the mountains," Videl said. "I get the feeling this is the first time he's ever been away from home before. Can you believe he didn't know what a cell phone is?"

"A kid in high school who doesn't have a cell phone? I didn't know people like that existed anymore!"

Videl smiled at her father's joke.

"Papa...I have a bit of a serious question."

"Um...okay, shoot."

"Why is it that when you killed Cell, all the people who died came back to life?"

Hercule was surprised. "Why do you want to know?"

"Gohan's father was killed by Cell," Videl said. "But he didn't come back to life, and I was wondering why."

"Oh, well...in that case, well..." Hercule said. "To be honest, I don't _know_ why the people Cell killed came back to life. I just assumed it was all some kind of trick that Cell did."

"Oh..." Videl said.

"Don't go telling people that, though, okay?" Hercule said. "I have an image to maintain."


	2. The Gold Fighter

"So, what's this I heard about the Gold Fighter today?" Hercule asked.

"He stopped a bank robbery this morning," Videl said, frowning. "That's supposed to be _my_ job."

"Well, I think it's a good thing," Hercule said, taking a scoop of mashed potatoes. "You know I don't like how you fight criminals all the time. I'd hate to see my precious baby get hurt!"

"I can handle myself against those goons," Videl said.

"It's still really dangerous," Hercule said. "I know _I_ fight for a living, but at least none of the people I go up against have guns."

"It's okay, Papa," Videl said. "Nobody has ever shot at me, you know. Still, I wonder who the Gold Fighter is. This is the third time he's appeared, and nobody knows his identity."

"Hmph. He's clearly just building up anticipation for that big revelation," Hercule said. "It's a marketing technique that I use all the time. Get people talking about something _before_ you announce it, and you get twice as much publicity!"

"I guess..." Videl said, thinking. "From the sound of it, I was only a few seconds away from seeing him in person. _And_ he wears a school badge, so he goes to Orange Star, just like me."

"Well, _that's_ easy enough," Hercule joked. "Just look for the kid who's glowing, and you've found your man!"

Videl went over a mental list of everyone in her class. Sharpener? When she asked him about it that morning, he said no. Plus, he didn't seem like the type of person who would publicly risk his life for others. Gohan? No, he was way too tame to be a fighter. Erasa? It couldn't be. The Gold Fighter was a boy. But...what if the Gold Fighter was really Erasa _disguised_ as a boy?

Videl shook her head. She was getting a little _too_ paranoid if she honest thought Erasa could fight crime.

* * *

"So, um..." Goten said, scratching the back of his head. "Do you think I could go with you to school today, Gohan? Please, can I?"

Gohan laughed. "You're a little too young for high school, squirt!"

"Aw, but I wanna see the city!" Goten said. "Trunks says they have lots of cars, and movie theaters, and _huge_ buildings full of nothing but food!"

"I think Trunks made that last one up," Gohan said. "But hey, the next time we go see Trunks, I'll show you around West City a bit, okay?"

"_Oh wow—really—that's so cool!_" Goten said. "Thanks, Big Brother!"

"No problem," Gohan said, taking to the skies. "See you later today, Goten! Don't get in any trouble with Mom today, okay?"

" 'Kay! Bye!" Goten said, jumping up and down and waving his arms.

_I wonder if the city is safe enough for Goten_, Gohan wondered to himself. _Every time I've come here, I've run into criminals! Maybe I just have bad luck?_

Gohan had deliberately _not_ told his mother about his escapades as the Gold Fighter. He knew how _that_ conversation would end up. Chi-Chi would yell at him about the importance of seeming normal and if she was _really_ upset, she'd give him her usual "fighting" lecture he'd heard a thousand times.

"You'll end just like your father's friends! None of them can get jobs because all they care about is fighting! Violence isn't the way to solve your problems, I always told Goku; no, I tried to raise my Gohan to be a good little boy, so he could grow up to become a famous scholar and change the world through his mind, not his fists!"

She had a point. Sure, Gohan wasn't in danger when fighting common criminals, but it still wasn't smart to go Super Saiyan in the middle of town. If he kept that up, eventually _somebody_ would find out, even if nobody seemed to care about the mysterious golden glowing hero.

At least, Gohan _thought _no one cared about it. Because Videl didn't question him about being the Gold Fighter, Gohan had no idea people actually _were _wondering about his secret identity.

So because it was dangerous to his cover as a normal human teenager (and because his mom would never approve), Gohan decided it would be best to never go Super Saiyain in town again. Unless there was a major emergency, of course.

Fortunately, there were no emergencies in town that day, and he made it to school safely.

* * *

Erasa, who was always ready to talk, tried to chat with Gohan before math.

"So, Gohan, what do you think of Orange High so far?" Erasa asked. "Is it better than your old school?"

"Well, gee, I've never been to a school before, so I can't say," Gohan said.

"You were homeschooled?" Erasa asked.

"Something like that," Gohan said. "My mom tried getting me a tutor once, but it didn't work out."

"Cool," Erasa said. "So, what made you decide to start coming to school here?"

"I always wanted to go to school here in the city," Gohan said. "But Mom said I had to wait until I was eighteen, and it was my birthday last week."

"Oh, so _that's_ why you started in the middle of the year!" Erasa said. "Wow, that's really interesting, don't you think, Videl?"

"Um...sure," Videl said. It sounded kind of weird to her, to be honest.

"We should have a birthday party for you or something!" Erasa said. "With cake!"

"Ah, gee, you don't have to do that for me," Gohan said, although, like most Saiyans, he liked the idea of getting cake.

Videl's watch beeped loudly. She pressed a button on the side and said, "Videl here."

"A group of terrorists have hijacked a bus full of senior citizens, and they're heading out of town with the ransom money!" the Chief of Police shouted. "You have to help us, Videl!"

"I'm on my way, Chief!" Videl said, standing up. "I have to go help the police! May I be excused?"

"You can skip class, Videl; we all know how important your community service is," the teacher said. "You can copy notes from one of your classmates."

"Thanks!" Videl said, leaving the classroom.

"Um..." Gohan scratched his head. "What was that?"

"Videl fights crime!" Erasa said.

"She...she what?"

"She's always doing superhero things like fighting criminals and stopping bank robbers!"

Gohan was immediately reminded of the bank robbers he had stopped the day before. If it wasn't for his Saiyan powers, he probably would have died. "But she could be seriously hurt!"

"She can take care of herself," Erasa said. "She's almost as strong as her father! Don't worry!"

Gohan _was_ worried. He didn't want to see his new friend get hurt, so he instantly made up an excuse to leave class, turned Super Saiyan to disguise himself, then flew off.

_And I just decided __not__ to do this again..._ Gohan thought. _Oh well. I suppose it can't be helped._

It took Gohan a while to find the bus, careening out of control down the highway with several police cars and a jet copter in pursuit.

"Is that...Videl?" Gohan wondered, as she jumped out of the copter and onto the bus. _She...she's really brave!_

He watched in awe as she beat up the criminals with very little effort. For a normal human, what she was doing was nothing short of amazing! No wonder Erasa said that Videl was famous!

Gohan was awoken from his shock by the sound of the bus smashing through the barrier on the side of the highway.

_...They're headed straight for a cliff! I don't care __how__ good Videl is! She can't stop that!_

Quickly, he flew after the bus. Swooping downwards, he grabbed the back bumper and picked it up off the ground.

On the bus, Videl and everyone else was jolted backwards as the bus suddenly stopped moving forward.

"What's going on? Videl asked.

"It's the Gold Fighter!" one of the senior citizens cried. "He picked up the bus!"

Everyone looked out the windows of the bus to get a look. Videl, meanwhile, made her way to the front of the bus and turned it off.

Gohan gently put the bus back on the ground, near the semi-circle of police cars. The senior citizens all piled out of the bus to thank him.

"Thank you, young man!"

"You saved us!"

"I didn't know it was possible to pick up a bus with one hand!"

"Oh, this has been such an exciting day!"

Videl stepped off of the bus and pushed her way through the crowd to get near the Gold Fighter. Finally, she had a chance to see the mysterious crime-fighter face-to-face.

_It's...it's Gohan!_ She thought instantly. _He's__ the Gold Fighter?_

"Three cheers for Videl and the Gold Fighter!" someone cried. "Our two heroes!"

"Hip hip hooray!" everyone cheered.

Gohan found himself shoved next to Videl so someone could take a picture.

"Um...hello, Videl," he said nervously, trying to disguise his voice.

"How'd you get out of class, Gohan?" Videl asked.

"I said I had to go to the bathroom," Gohan said. "Mr. Jenkins let me—ach!"

"I knew it!" Videl said. "I could tell it was you!"

"Ah, man!" Gohan said, disappointed that his disguise was so easy to see through. "How'd you know it was me?"

"You're wearing the same clothes," Videl said. "Plus, I can see your school badge."

"Oh. Whoops."

Videl crossed her arms over her chest and gave him her well-known Suspicious Glare of Doom™. "You've got some explaining to do, Mr. Gold Fighter."

"Mr. Who?"

"Gold Fight—wait, you don't know?"

* * *

Eventually, things calmed down, and the police took everyone safely back to town. Gohan rode back to school with Videl in her jet copter.

"I just wanted to stop the bank robbers," Gohan said. "I wasn't trying to become a superhero."

"This is the real reason you've never been away from home before, isn't it?" Videl asked. "You didn't want people to find out about your...powers."

"Yeah," Gohan said. "I'm sorry for lying to you, but there's no way you would have believed me."

"I'm still having trouble believing it," Videl said. "Someone who can fly, stop bullets in midair and lift a bus with one hand. It's like the Cell Games all over again..."

"I...um..." Gohan wasn't sure if he should tell her the truth about the Cell Games yet, if at all.

"So how do you do the Gold Fighter transformation? Is it something you can teach me, or is it—?"

"It's hereditary," Gohan said. "My father was Son Goku, the World Martial Arts champion before your dad. He could do it, too."

"So _that's_ why your dad fought Cell..." Videl mused.

"Yeah..." Gohan said.

"So how do these powers of yours work?" Videl asked. "I don't want to be nosy, but..."

"You do martial arts, right?" Gohan asked. He knew she did—her energy level and reflexes were much stronger than a normal human's.

Videl nodded.

"It's sort of like that. You can focus your energy and use it to do things like fly or shoot out energy beams or—"

"Can you teach me?" Videl interrupted.

"Teach you? I've never taught anyone before, but I guess I could."

"Good," Videl said. "Because I plan on winning the World Martial Arts Tournament this year." _Then, maybe people will stop seeing me as "just" Hercule's daughter._

"The-the-the World Martial Arts Tournament?" Gohan asked.

"You're entering, right?" Videl asked. "Don't try to tell me you can't fight."

"I...I never thought about entering the Tournament," Gohan said.

"You have to enter," Videl said. "It wouldn't be fair, otherwise."

"Well, I can _try_," Gohan said. "I just hope my mom likes the idea of me being in a fighting tournament..."

* * *

Chi-Chi did not like the idea.

"What? No! Absolutely not!" Chi-Chi said. "How many times do I have to tell you that you will _not_ be a mindless fighter?"

"But I have to enter, or she'll tell everyone that I'm the Gold Fighter!"

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Chi-Chi asked.

"...Videl found out that I can go Super Saiyan," Gohan admitted.

_"What?"_ Chi-Chi screeched. "You went _Super Saiyan_ at school? What were you _thinking?_"

"I wasn't at school; I was trying to stop a bus from going off a cliff!"

_"You skipped school?"_

"I was chasing after Videl!"

Chi-Chi tried to calm down by counting to ten very slowly. "You skipped school to chase after a girl, and now she knows you're half-alien, is that what you're saying?"

"Um...pretty much."

_"GOHAN!"_

* * *

_"AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE THIS GIRL OR GO BACK TO THAT TOWN EVER, EVER AGAIN!"_ Chi-Chi yelled.

Goten was in his room on the second floor, coloring in a picture. "Gohan's in big trouble," he said to himself.


	3. Gohan Drops Out of School

Videl had a lot of questions for Gohan the next day. Sure, he had explained some things, but she was pretty sure they had just scratched the surface of his strange powers.

It was nice that Gohan was her friend, she reflected. She was used to getting information from people the hard way, thanks to all her work with criminals. Dealing with Gohan was a lot easier. She didn't _have_ to bully him in order to get information.

_Maybe Dad's right about how I need to be nicer to people..._ Videl thought.

Unfortunately for our heroine, Gohan was not in class that day.

"Where's Gohan?" Videl asked.

"He's probably too busy playing with his calculator to go to homeroom," Sharpener said. Erasa chuckled.

Videl ignored Sharpener. "Excuse me, Mr. Brown, but where's Gohan?" she asked the homeroom teacher.

"Ah, yes…" Mr. Brown said, adjusting his glasses. "I'm sorry to say this, but apparently, Mr. Gohan is no longer attending Orange Star High."

"WHAT?"

"I just got an email about it," Mr. Brown said. "He is going to be pursuing educational opportunities elsewhere. Given his entrance exam scores, I'm not surprised."

"I don't believe it!" Videl said, slumping into her seat.

"What's the big deal?" Sharpener said, yawning. "We barely knew the dude."

"He's my friend, Pencil Head. _That's_ the big deal," Videl snapped.

Erasa, who had watched too many bad romance movies, felt her crush senses tingling. "Ooo, I know what's going on," she said. "You _like_ Gohan, don't you?"

Erasa was expecting Videl to make a half-hearted protest, but that's not what happened. Instead, Videl just looked depressed.

"No, it's just…if he dropped out of school, I'm pretty sure it's my fault."

"_Your_ fault? Why?"

"Never mind," Videl said, brushing her off. _I'll just have to take care of things myself, just like I always do_.

* * *

_Here goes nothing..._ Gohan thought.

"Mom?" Gohan asked, in his most innocent voice possible. "Can I go to school today?"

"No," Chi-Chi said. "I already called the office and told them you're dropping out."

"But Mo-om! I can't just drop out of school without saying goodbye to all my new friends! That's rude!"

"You're being _punished_, young man," Chi-Chi said. "It wouldn't be a punishment if I let you do whatever you want, now, would it?"

Gohan had an ace up his sleeve, an argument that was _sure_ to convince his mother. "But dropping out of school is really bad for my education!"

"Bad for your education!" Chi-Chi exclaimed. "Don't lie to me like that! You don't care about your education! You just want to see that hussy again!"

"But—!"

"Oh, where did I go wrong? My poor son has stopped caring about his education and started chasing after girls like a delinquent!"

"I'm not chasing after girls!" Gohan protested.

"This is all that damn Turtle Hermit's fault!" Chi-Chi said, clenching her fists. "He was a bad influence on you! I _told_ Goku to keep that creep _away_ from you!"

"Look, can't I just _promise_ not to go Super Saiyan in town ever again?" Gohan asked. "I promise I'll be really, really careful!"

"I said _no_," Chi-Chi said. "End of discussion. Now go to your room."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Videl, but I can't give out personal information like that."

"But I'm worried about him!" Videl said. "Are you saying that he drops out of school after just _two days_, and you don't find that suspicious in the least?"

"I understand where you're coming from," the principal said. "But it's illegal for me to give you a copy of his files."

"Can't you send someone to check up on him, then?"

"I _could_, but there's no reason to believe anything bad has happened to him. As far as Orange City High is concerned, Mr. Son is no longer a student here, and that's that."

"Rats," Videl said. _So much for Plan A..._

* * *

_I wish Dad was still alive_, Gohan wrote in his journal that day_. Dad would agree I did the right thing by saving Videl. He always helped other people, at any cost. Keeping my identity safe doesn't matter when lives are at stake, right?_

_Mom's right, though. Going Super Saiyan in town was taking things too far. I should have let the police do their job instead of playing superhero. _

_Stupid Videl. Why'd she have to recognize me as a Super Saiyan? In fact, why'd she have to go chasing after criminals in the first place? That was a really stupid idea!_

_I guess stupidity runs in her family._

_No, that's mean. It's not Videl's fault I got in trouble. It's mine._

_Still, it sucks that I'm never going to see anyone in Orange City again. Why is it that the first time I get normal friends, Mom has to take them away from me?_

* * *

"What was that name again?"

"Gohan Son," Videl repeated.

"Hmmm..." the police officer said, typing the information into his computer. "And you think he could be the guy we're looking for?"

"I'm about 50% sure that's the name I heard the criminals say," Videl lied.

"I've got a match," the officer said. "He seems a little young, though. Take a look."

He swung the computer screen around so Videl could see it. Onscreen was the city's profile of Gohan. Videl immediately committed his phone number and address to memory.

"Whoops! That's not the right guy," she said. "I must have heard them wrong. I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, Videl," the officer said. "We appreciate your help."

* * *

Half an hour later, the phone at the Son house rang.

"Gohan, could you get that?" Chi-Chi called from the kitchen. "I'm busy here"

"Yes, Mom," Gohan said, eager to get on his mother's good side. He ran to the living room and picked up the phone.

"Son residence," he said politely. "How may I help you?"

"Gohan? It's Videl."

Gohan almost fell over from shock. "Videl! Um, hi!"

"I called to see why you didn't show up at school today."

"Well, um...I'm kind of not going to Orange Star High any more..." Gohan said, playing with the phone cord. He wasn't sure how to tell Videl that she got him kicked out of school.

"I heard that rumor," Videl said. "Why would you drop out of school after only two days?"

"Um...I'm tired of the long commute?"

"You don't need to lie to me," Videl said. "It's because I found about your powers, isn't it?"

"Well...yeah...I guess..."

"You shouldn't have to drop out of school because of that. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Videl," Gohan said. "But my mom kind of hates your father. She doesn't trust you one bit."

"What? That's ridiculous! Why not?"

Chi-Chi's voice came through from the next room. "Gohan, are you talking about me on the phone?"

"Eep!" Gohan said.

Chi-Chi stepped into the living room. "Part of being grounded is not having phone conversations with people. Now who's calling?"

"It's Videl," Gohan said. "You know, the girl from school?"

Chi-Chi's eyes narrowed. "The one you're chasing after? You gave her your phone number?"

"No, it's not like that!"

Chi-Chi swiped the phone from Gohan.

"How _dare_ you call this house?" Chi-Chi barked. "What, ruining my son's life isn't enough for you? You have to hunt him down afterwards, too?"

"What?" Videl asked.

"All we want is a nice, quiet, peaceful life! Why do you have to ruin that for us?"

"Look, Mrs. Son, I'm not _trying_ to ruin anyone's life here," Videl said, taking on a business-like tone. It was the official-sounding voice she used to calm down panicky civilians. (And her father, sometimes). "I just want to know why Gohan wasn't at school today."

"You _know_ why!" Chi-Chi accused. "You found out that he's half-alien!"

Videl fell over.

"It's too dangerous to let anyone know about that!" Chi-Chi said. "If people knew, they'd probably throw my darling baby into a lab somewhere and perform experiments on him all day long! Or worse, they'd put him in a zoo! Or _worst_, they'd kill him outright! So you can't tell anyone anything, got it?"

"You can trust me," Videl said. "I won't say a word to anyone."

"And it better _stay_ that way! Remember, you _owe_ us! If it wasn't for Gohan killing Cell, your fraud of a father wouldn't be where he is today!"

"My father—?"

"Mom, she doesn't know—!"

"Now do us a favor and leave us alone! Forever!" Chi-Chi yelled before slamming down the phone.

Videl stared dumbly at her cell phone. "Did she just say what I _think _she said?" she asked.


	4. Hercule Helps! Kind of, Anyway

Dinner at the Satan Mansion was quiet that night. Videl was lost in thought.

_He __did__ say his powers were hereditary. But...an alien? Gohan? He seems like such a normal person!_

…_Besides for the super strength, ability to turn yellow and flying thing._

_Okay, yeah, he's definitely an alien. But did he really kill Cell? My father..._

Videl looked at her father. Hercule was taking a long drink from his cup.

"?" he asked. "What's up? You haven't said a word all dinner."

"Did you really kill Cell?" Videl blurted out.

Hercule choked on his juice. "Of…of course I did! That's why they named the city after me, remember?"

"No, I'm serious!" she said. "I heard today that someone else did it."

"Who?"

"The delivery boy," Videl said. "Everyone saw that he could hold his own against Cell."

"That—that's ridiculous!" said Hercule, starting to sweat. "Why would you think a little kid could defeat the most evil monster in the history of the world?"

"Because I met him," Videl said. "He's not a little kid anymore. He's the Gold Fighter."

"…He's _back?_" Hercule gasped. _Oh, man, why didn't I figure it out before? Stories about a glowing person who can fly? That's __just__ like the Cell Games!_

"So it _is_ true!" Videl said.

"Well, it's…I…er, you see…sort of…yes," Hercule admitted. He couldn't lie to his daughter.

"I don't believe it!" Videl said, getting up from her seat. "You've been lying to everyone the whole time!"

"Hey, no!" Hercule defended himself. "I might have fibbed a little about killing Cell, but I'm still the legitimate Martial Arts Champion of the World! I won the last tournament all by myself!"

"Only because Gohan didn't enter!" Videl accused.

"Gohan?" Hercule asked.

"The new kid at my school. He's the Gold Fighter."

"_Oh_," Hercule said. That made sense. Kind of. Not really. "So, um…is he mad at me for what I did?"

"No, but _I _am!" Videl said. "How could you lie to everyone, Papa?"

"I had to!" Hercule said. "Everyone in the world was watching the Cell Games! They needed an explanation that they could understand!"

"Yeah, right! You were just thinking about your career!"

"Honest!" Hercule said. "I wasn't trying to steal the glory away from this Gohan kid! I tried looking for him for months afterwards, remember? If he _wanted_ to get recognition for killing Cell, he should have stepped forward! I would have _gladly_ given him the credit he deserves!"

"Well…_that's_ true," Videl said. "He doesn't want any attention."

"You see? Then, I did him a favor by keeping the media away from him!" Hercule said.

"You should still apologize, though," Videl said. "Right now, his mom is freaking out that they're going to put him in a zoo or something."

"A zoo?"

"Yeah, she pulled him out of school and everything," Videl said. "And it's up to us to fix things."

_"Us?"_ Hercule asked. "I dunno, that seems kind of dangerou—"

Videl shot her father an angry look.

"I mean, YEAH! We have to help this kid! Wherever there is a wrong that needs to be made right, the World Champion _HERCULE_ will be there to save the day!" Hercule cried dramatically, making a triumphant pose. "Uh…you're _sure_ he's not mad at me, right?"

"Right," Videl said.

"Good," Hercule said.

* * *

"You _sure_ this is the right house?" Hercule asked. "It's really, really far from the city!"

"He can _fly_, remember? It probably doesn't take him all that long to get here."

"Good point," Hercule said. "Here goes nothing."

He knocked on the door three times and waited.

A cute little boy opened the door. "Hello!" he said. "My name is Goten! Who are you?"

_This must be Gohan's younger brother_, Videl thought. _He sure is friendly_.

"My name is Videl," Videl said. "I'm one of Gohan's friends. This is my father, Hercule."

"I'm the World Champion of Martial Arts!" Hercule said.

"You like fighting?" Goten asked. "I love fighting!"

"Really?" Hercule asked. He loved to show off in front of little kids. "Then check out some of these moves!"

Hercule did some flashy attacks, pushing back an invisible enemy. "Ha! Ho! Ha!"

Goten laughed. "That's not how you're supposed to do it!" he said.

"Huh? What the—? What do you mean?"

Goten gave Hercule a little shove. He went flying backwards twenty feet.

"_That's_ what you're supposed to do!" Goten said.

"Um…yeah…thanks for the tip," Hercule said. _That's gonna hurt tomorrow morning..._

_I guess he's just as strong as his brother is,_ Videl thought. "Look, Goten, we came to see if we could talk to your brother for a while."

"Mom says he's grounded," Goten said.

"Then, can we talk to your mother?" Videl asked.

"Yeah, we, um…owe your family an apology," Hercule said. "One that's sort of…seven years overdue."

"I'll go get her!" Goten said, running back inside the house.

Hercule sighed. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" he asked.

"You're doing the right thing, Dad," Videl said. "Besides, if you don't apologize, I'll never forgive you for lying to me."

"RIGHT!" Hercule said. "I'm a Champion of Justice! I always do the right thing!"

Goten ran to his mother. "Someone's at the door to see you, Mommy!" he said.

"Weird. Bulma didn't say she was coming over," Chi-Chi said, patting down her hair as she went to the door. "But if it's not her, who could it…?"

"Hello, good lady!" Hercule said, making his trademark "V for Victory" pose.

"_YOU!_" Chi-Chi hollered.

"Augh!" Hercule cried. He tried to hide behind Videl.

"Um…hi, Mrs. Son? Remember me? I'm Videl, the girl who called the other day…"

"_I told you to never contact us again!_" Chi-Chi yelled.

Videl tried to hide behind Goten.

"_You ruined my son's life! Gohan killed Cell, and you bums got rich off it! Then you have to make it so he can't go to town ever again! I'll…I'll…TAKE THIS!"_

Chi-Chi aimed a punch at Hercule. Fortunately, he's not a _complete_ moron when it comes to martial arts, so he was able to dodge.

"I made it all the way to the semi-finals in the World Martial Arts Tournament," Chi-Chi said. "It's time for you to go up against a _real_ fighter!"

Chi-Chi began a furious assault on Hercule. He tried his best to dodge without fighting back.

"Videl, this woman is completely insane!" Hercule said.

"Right," Videl said, running into the house. _I'd better find Gohan!_

"GOHAN? ARE YOU HERE? YOUR MOTHER HAS GONE NUTS!"

"So she's acting like she normally does?" Gohan asked from his bedroom, in an uncharacteristic burst of sarcasm. Then he realized whose voice he heard and immediately ran out of his room. "Vi-vi-Videl! What are you doing here?"

"There's no time for that! You have to stop your mom from killing my dad!"

"What?" Gohan asked, following Videl as she ran outside.

_Oh boy…_ Gohan thought as he saw his mother chasing after Hercule, who was trying his best to hide behind a tree. Goten was cheering at the fun.

Gohan disappeared and reappeared behind Hercule. He grabbed the World Champion—who was now sporting a nasty-looking black eye—and flew about ten feet into the air.

"Hey, no fair!" Chi-Chi said. "You know I can't fly! Put him back down, or else you're double-grounded!"

"Mom, you can't go around beating up my friends' parents!"

"He deserves it!" Chi-Chi said. "He's the reason we're so poor!"

"Look, I'm sure this is all one big misunderstanding!" Gohan said. "Right, Mr. Hercule?"

"RIGHT! TOTALLY A MISUNDERSTANDING! I DON'T MEAN ANY HARM TO ANYONE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" Hercule screamed, waving his arms around madly.

"See?" Gohan asked. "Now let's try to work things out calmly, okay?"

Gohan put Hercule back on the ground. Chi-Chi was still angry, but at least she wasn't hitting anyone anymore.

"Calmly, my butt!" Chi-Chi said. "That does it, Gohan! You're _triple_ grounded!"

"But Mom, that's so unfair!"

"Yeah!" Videl said, jogging over. "Gohan hasn't done anything wrong!"

"Oh no? Then what are _you_ doing here?" Chi-Chi said, aiming an accusing finger at Videl. "Gohan, I told you never to see your trashy girlfriend again!"

"_Trashy?_" Videl asked, offended.

"GIRLFRIEND?" Hercule shouted. "You mean to tell me that our kids are _dating?_"

"NO!" Gohan and Videl shouted together.

"This is unbelievable! Videl, you're grounded, too! I told you that you're not allowed to date someone without my permission first!"

"That's exactly what I said!" Chi-Chi said. "My Gohan isn't allowed to date girls! He's supposed to be focusing on his studies!"

"_Exactly!_" Hercule said, glad to _finally_ find another parent who understood. "They're far too young to be doing that sort of thing!"

"Right!" Chi-Chi said. "They shouldn't be doing anything _at all_ without proper parental supervision!"

"Wow, for a crazy psycho, you sure know how to deal with teenagers!" Hercule said.

"And for a total phony, you've got great parenting skills!" Chi-Chi said, her eyes sparkling. "Sorry about hitting you, Mr. Hercule. If you come inside, I'm sure I can find you some bandages or something."

"Thanks!" Hercule said.

The two of them walked arm-in-arm back to the Son House.

"Oh my God," Videl said.

"What?" Gohan asked.

"I think our parents just fell in love with each other."


	5. Hercule and Chi Chi Become Fast Friends

"Our _parents?_" Gohan asked. "In _love?_"

"Relax, I'm just kidding," Videl said.

_...I hope_, she added silently.

"We have to stop this!" Gohan cried. He tried to run back inside the house, but Videl grabbed his shoulder from behind.

"Hold it, Gohan. You still owe me an explanation."

"An explanation? About what?"

"Let me see..." Videl said, tapping her finger against her bottom lip in mock thought. "I heard you're an alien, you killed Cell, and you can lift a bus with one hand. What could there _possibly _be for you to tell me?"

"Yeah, but can't we save that discussion for later?" Gohan demanded. "Like_ when_ _our parents aren't making out?_"

"Ew!" Videl cried, her hands going straight to her forehead. "I did _not_ need that visual, Gohan!"

Goten pulled on Gohan's sleeve. "What's making out?" Goten asked.

"I don't know," Gohan admitted. "But Master Roshi talks about it all the time, so it must be bad."

Videl shook her head. She would be having nightmares for a _week_, at the least. "Okay, maybe coming all this way to save you _wasn't_ such a good idea..." she muttered.

"You came here to save me?" Gohan asked, scratching his head. "But...I'm not in danger."

"I came here to convince your crazy mother to let you go back to school," Videl said.

"Really? You'd do that for me?" Gohan asked, a little touched by her kindness. "How? Why?"

"I'll tell you my story if you tell me your story," said Videl, driving a hard bargain.

"Storytime! Yay!" Goten said, jumping up and down.

"Okay, I guess," Gohan said, sitting down. "Sit down, 'cause this is going to take a while. Goten, you should hear this too, okay?"

" 'Kay!"

"There once was a planet in outer space called Vegeta..." Gohan began.

* * *

Inside the house, Chi-Chi was at her kitchen sink, getting a wet towel ready for Hercule's use. She always thought warm water was good for cleaning minor wounds.

"So why did you come all the way out here to meet us?" Chi-Chi asked curiously.

"Well, um, I, uh, came to say that...I..." Hercule stammered.

"What is it?" Chi-Chi asked.

"I'm sorry!" Hercule blurted out. "You know, I apologize! For the whole taking credit for killing Cell thing."

"Oh, that's okay," Chi-Chi said, handing him the wet rag. "I'm sure you can make it up to us somehow."

"How?" Hercule asked, as he put the rag over his eye. It stung slightly.

_Hmmmm_... Chi-Chi thought. Giant parades throughout the world...renaming the town Gohan City...a free mansion to live in, complete with servants...

"Well, for starters, it'd be nice to have a faster way to get to town," Chi-Chi said, thinking that she could at least get a new hovercar out of this situation.

"You can stay in one of my houses!" Hercule said immediately.

"House_s?_" Chi-Chi asked. "As in, more than one? How rich _are_ you?"

"Well, I get a lot of my money from my marketing empire..." Hercule said, not wanting to answer the question outright. "Plus, all those martial arts tournaments pay well. The grand prize for winning the World Martial Arts is 20 million, you know, and since I've won it multiple times..."

"TWENTY MILLION FOR WINNING ONE COMPETITION?" Chi-Chi shouted. "YOU'RE KIDDING ME!!!"

"No, I'm totally serious!"

"Nobody ever told _me _about this," Chi-Chi said angrily. "Well, that does it! We're entering this year!"

"We?"

"The whole family!" Chi-Chi said. "Gohan's stronger than anyone else, Goten can go Super Saiyan, and if I can give the Grand Champion a black eye, I _clearly_ still have what it takes to kick butt!"

"You...you...you can't be serious!" Hercule said, accidentally dropping the rag over his eye. Super fighters in the next competition! That was bad news for his career.

"Of course I'm serious! We've been too poor for too long, if becoming a millionaire is _that _easy!" Chi-Chi said, triumphantly. "My husband Goku won the tournament a few times, after all!"

"Son Goku? The former champion?" Hercule asked. Over the course of his career, Hercule had heard some crazy rumors about the previous champion. If half of them were true, Goku had him completely outclassed.

"That's him," Chi-Chi said.

"Where is he?" Hercule asked. "I'd like to meet him! Everyone always says his performances at the tournament were fantastic!"

Chi-Chi frowned. "You can't meet Goku. He...he died during the Cell Games."

"I...I'm sorry to hear that," Hercule said. "My wife died two years ago, so I know what it's like to lose a spouse. I still miss her sometimes."

"It's rough," Chi-Chi agreed. "But it was especially hard on me, because I was pregnant when Goku died."

"No kidding," Hercule said. "You had to deal with that all by yourself?"

"Mostly," Chi-Chi said. "I had help from Bulma and Dad, of course, but they couldn't visit all the time."

"That's amazing," Hercule said, impressed. It sounded like Chi-Chi was even stronger than her punches, if she could go through pregnancy, raising a child _and_ a tragic death all at the same time. "I mean, Videl is practically an adult, and I _still _have a hard time raising her by myself! I can't imagine what it'd be like with two young kids."

"Well, Gohan was a big help," Chi-Chi said. "He did his best to take care of his little brother. I think it's because Goten looks so much like Goku. It was almost like having his dad back again..."

Hercule wiped back a tear. He was a sucker for sad stories.

* * *

Videl was less moved by Gohan's story.

"So you're saying a _time traveler_ told you about Cell three years ahead of time?" she asked skeptically.

"Not Cell; the androids," Gohan said. "Trunks didn't know about Cell."

"Riiight, you were getting ready to fight evil robots that destroy the future," Videl said. "I think I saw that in a movie once."

"I'm telling the truth!" Gohan insisted.

Goten nodded. "I know Trunks! He's my friend!"

Videl shook her head in disbelief, but waved a hand at Gohan. "Please, continue," she said.

"Thanks to Trunks' warning, we were able to prepare for the fight," Gohan said. "But because the androids are such tough enemies, Cell wanted to absorb them and steal their power. So he stole a time machine from a different Future Trunks."

"Now _Cell_ is also a time-traveler?" Videl asked.

"You know, telling you these stories would be easier if you didn't interrupt every three seconds," Gohan complained.

"Maybe if the story was a little more believable, I wouldn't question it," Videl muttered, under her breath so Gohan couldn't hear. Gohan's story was the weirdest thing she had ever heard, and she wouldn't believe it for a second if it wasn't for Gohan's strange powers.

"Anyway, our training for three years didn't help," Gohan said. "Cell was too strong for us. That's when Dad taught me how to go Super Saiyan."

"What does that mean?" Videl asked.

"Yeah," Goten said. "What?"

"That's just another way of saying I can turn into the Gold Fighter," Gohan said. "Watch."

He powered up to Super Saiyan.

"Wow!" Goten said. "That looks cool!"

"It's a powerful transformation," Gohan said. "I mean, it changes more than just my hair. My speed and strength also increase greatly."

"So that's what allowed you to defeat Cell?"

"No, I defeated Cell by going Super Saiyan Two," Gohan said.

"Which is the same thing, only double," Videl guessed.

"Ooo, let me see! Let me see!" Goten begged.

"I don't think I can do it anymore," Gohan said. "I haven't done it in years."

"Awww, _please?_" Goten asked.

"I'd be interested in seeing it," Videl said. _At least, it'd be more interesting than hearing crazy stories..._

"Well...I can _try_..." Gohan said doubtfully. He powered up and began radiating yellow waves of energy.

Videl watched in confusion. Was that...yellow wind?

"Oh, wow, this is great!" Goten said, bouncing up and down.

Videl's pigtails started fluttering wildly, and she suddenly found it hard to stand still. It felt like the wind was pushing her away. _This is so weird..._

She struggled to remain in place, but she went flying backwards and had to grab onto a nearby tree to prevent herself from getting hurt.

"Okay, okay, stop!" Videl cried. "I get it! That's how you were able to kill Cell! You don't have to show me!"

"Augh!" Gohan said, immediately powering down to his normal self. He didn't mean to send Videl flying away!

* * *

Of course, Chi-Chi allowed Gohan to go back to school. The daughter of such a wonderful man was definitely trustworthy.

"Wonderful man?" Gohan complained. "Mom, you gave him a black eye!"

"So what?" Chi-Chi asked. "Goku and I fought on our first date, you know." She sighed happily. "It was a wonderful time."

Gohan dropped his dinner plate. _No no no no no! Mom __can't__ feel that way about Hercule...can she?_

"But Mo-om! He's a total goofball!"

"You can stop bad-mouthing him right now, young man," Chi-Chi said, in a firm voice. "I raised you better than that. Hercule might have his faults, but he's giving us a new place to live in, so I won't hear anything against him."

Gohan almost fell over, partly because he was shocked, and partly because he slipped on his dinner plate. "A...a..._a place to stay?_"

* * *

"You're letting them move _in_ with us?" Videl shouted. "Dad, you can't _do_ that!"

"I've already made my decision, Videl," Hercule said firmly. For better or for worse (but probably worse), Chi-Chi had inspired the World Champ to use more discipline when dealing with his daughter. "You saw how far away from town they are. They need to be closer to civilization."

Videl glared at her father. He flinched slightly.

"Besides, it's, uh, probably best to keep on their good side," Hercule said, in self defense. "Seeing how they could destroy my career in ten seconds if they wanted to."

"Oh, great, so this is just another decision made to help your career," Videl said sarcastically. "When are you going to stop caring about your career and start caring about ME?"

"You know I care more about you than anyone else," Hercule said, slightly offended at the accusation. "I don't understand why you're getting so worked up over this."

"You don't _understand?_" Videl shouted. "You're letting two boys move into our house without warning! How could you not understand why that would upset me?"

"_Oh_," Hercule said, understanding. "You've got it all wrong, Sweet Pea. They're not moving into our house."

Videl paused slightly as this statement penetrated her anger. "They're not?"

"Of course not!" Hercule said. "That would break the 'no teenage boys allowed in my house' rule!"

"Oh..." Videl said. "Right." Her most favorite rule ever.

"They're moving into the place I own on Fourth Street," Hercule said. "You know, the place I use to house long-term visitors."

"That makes a lot more sense," Videl said, feeling embarrassed she didn't figure that out on her own. "...Sorry for yelling, Papa."

"That's okay, Videl," Hercule said, glad that the semi-argument was over. "I still love you, no matter what."

The two of them hugged each other—which is how all problems _should_ be solved—but Videl still felt uneasy at the situation. To be honest, she wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad that one of her father's overprotective rules had saved the day.


	6. Attack at Orange Star Elementary

Needless to say, it was kind of weird when Videl and Gohan next saw each other in school on Monday.

"So," Videl said.

An awkward silence hung in the air.

"So," Gohan agreed.

"Um," Videl said.

"Um," Gohan agreed.

Fortunately for our heroes, they were saved from having to talk about their parents' newfound friendship by the arrival of Erasa.

"Gohan, you're back!" Erasa said, jumping into her seat. "I thought you were gone forever!"

"Erasa!" Gohan blurted out, eager to talk about something, _anything_, just as long as it didn't involve his mother and a certain afro-haired fighter. "No, I just had to leave for a couple of days to help my mom with something!"

"Really? What?"

"Um...uh...uh..." Goahn stammered, trying to think of something. He wasn't good at lying.

"They're moving into town this week," Videl supplied.

"Really?" Erasa asked.

"Yeah, that's it!" Gohan said. "My family is moving to Hercule City! So I had to help them pack and everything."

"Oh, that's cool!" Erasa said. "The teacher made it seem like you dropped out of school."

"I don't know where he got that idea!" Gohan said, giving the largest grin he could muster. Beads of sweat starting pouring down his forehead.

Erasa smiled back weakly, a little unsettled by the look on Gohan's face.

"Yep, there's nothing strange about me at all!" Gohan said, waving his arms around wildly. "I'm totally normal, like...someone who's totally normal!"

Suddenly, Videl got the urge to chuckle (just a little) at Gohan. He was _really_ bad at lying.

There was a loud screech as the PA system in the room came alive. "Mr. Brown, please send Son Gohan to the principal's office immediately."

"NOOOOO!!" Gohan cried. Sent to the principal's office? His mom would _kill_ him! Then, she'd bring him back to the life with the dragonballs just so she could kill him again!

Not to mention the fact that Erasa would _never_ believe he was normal now. _Mom says only weirdos or delinquents get sent to the principal's office!_

Mr. Brown, the homeroom teacher, didn't even look up from the book he was reading—a copy of Hop on Pop 2: The Hoppening. "You heard the PA, Mr. Son. To the Principal's Office."

"But I didn't do anything!" Gohan protested.

"That's what they all say," Mr. Brown said, flipping the page of his book. "Now go."

Gohan trudged out of the room with less enthusiasm than Vegeta in a meeting of Goku's fan club.

_Why would Gohan get sent to the principal's office?_ Videl wondered. _He couldn't have broken any rules or anything. Maybe he just needs to re-file his student application forms or something..._

"Do you think Gohan's...all right?" Erasa asked. "He was acting _really_ oddly."

Videl shrugged.

"I hope he doesn't have a crush on me or anything," Erasa said.

"Why would you think that?" Videl asked. She didn't think Gohan liked Erasa, or _any_ girl for that matter. Chasing girls didn't seem to be his thing.

"He was smiling at me in a really weird way," Erasa said. "Plus, he seemed all nervous when he was talking to me."

"I wouldn't make too much out of it," Videl said.

"That's right, you know him better than I do," Erasa said. She leaned in closer to Videl, eager for gossip. "So tell me: what do you think _really_ happened with him dropping out of school? Didn't you say it was your fault?"

"Yes, but, I don't think—"

Videl was saved from having to answer by her emergency phone going off.

"Videl, we have an emergency situation on our hands!" Officer Hernandez cried. "We need you right away!"

Videl was suddenly all business. "What's going on?"

"There's some sort of super-strong maniac on the rampage," the officer said. "A fighter, from what the witnesses have said. He's single-handedly beaten up over fifty people already."

"Fifty people?" Videl asked, thinking she must have heard incorrectly. "You're saying this guy beat up _fifty_ people _all by himself?_"

"Exactly," Officer Hernandez said. "Mostly children, though. Elementary students. Apparently, he broke into the school without warning and started punching every child he saw. The few teachers who tried to stop him were attacked as well."

"Any idea who it is?" Videl asked, briefly wondering what kind of monster would do something like attack innocent children.

"No one was able to give us a good description of this guy," Officer Hernandez said. "So we haven't been able to ID him."

"Where do I come in?" Videl asked.

"Right now, we have a barricade set up around the school so the culprit won't be able to escape," the officer said. "We're hoping that someone can go in and detain him, but like I said, he's not going down without a fight. And since you're the best fighter in town, next to your father..."

"You want _me_ to fight this guy," Videl said. "Okay, I'm on my way."

"Great," Officer Hernandez said. "We're at Orange Elementary."

"That's just down the block," Erasa noted.

"Looks like I _don't_ have to take my jet copter for once," Videl said. She jumped out of her seat and jogged towards the exit. "Bye, Mr. Brown! I'm off to save a bunch of grade schoolers by fighting a dangerous maniac that the police are afraid of confronting!"

"Have fun," the homeroom teacher said. "Try to get back before study period is over."

* * *

Gohan was almost as scared now as he was when fighting Frieza. _Almost_.

"Ah, Mr. Son," the principal said. "Please, sit down."

Gohan sat down in the chair opposite the principal's desk. He gripped the edge of the chair in his hand, and accidentally squeezed it so hard that it broke.

"Is...is...is there some...some sort of problem, sir?" Gohan asked.

"Yes, there is," the principal said, in a deadly serious voice.

Gohan's heart skipped a couple of beats.

"It's about your younger brother, Gotend," the principal said.

"That's Goten," Gohan corrected.

"Goten, right. Today is his first day of school, right?"

"Mom enrolled him in Orange Elementary just this weekend," Gohan said. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I just got a phone call from there," the principal said. "I don't know all the details, but a violent maniac has just entered the school and attacked the students."

Gohan gasped. A violent maniac? Attacking the school where Goten was? That couldn't be a coincidence.

"There have been no deaths so far, thank God, but we have to inform you that your brother could be seriously injured," the principal continued.

"And you want me to stop this fiend, don't you?" Gohan said, standing up with a determined look on his face. He could still remember being kidnapped by his uncle Raditz, and the time Frieza killed all those Namekian children. Gohan knew firsthand how much pain child abuse causes, and there was no way he'd allow someone to harm kids when _he_ was around.

"What? No!" the principal said. "Confront a dangerous fighter, are you mad? I'm telling you this because you're listed as the emergency contact for your brother!"

"Oh...yeah..." Gohan said, grinning stupidly. "I knew that. Ha ha ha ha...gotta go!"

Gohan ran out of the office as fast as he could, which was approximately .24 seconds. It took him five seconds to get through the hallways and out of the school building, then twelve seconds to get to Orange Elementary.

The principal blinked. Did Gohan just...disappear?

* * *

_It looks like a disaster zone_, Videl thought as she stepped onto the playground. The bodies of injured students (and occasionally the bodies of teachers) were lying everywhere. _What kind of maniac would hurt so many children?_

She heard loud yelling up ahead, around the corner of a building. Her muscles tensed up for a fight as she ran straight towards the source of the sound, only to find two familiar half-aliens.

"But Gohan, Mom said we need to practice our fighting!" Goten said. "And the mean kid started it, not me!"

"That still doesn't mean you can pick fights with the entire school!" Gohan said loudly.

"I just gave him a _little_ punch," Goten said. "But he went flying backwards _really_ far! You should have seen it! It was cool!"

"No, it wasn't!"

Videl had no idea why the two boys were there, but if _anyone_ could be completely oblivious during an emergency, it would have to be them.

"Hey, you two," Videl said, interrupting the conversation. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Hey, Videl," Gohan said, a little surprised to see his classmate. "I came here to have a talk with my little brother. What are _you_ doing here?"

"I was sent here because a dangerous maniac is on the loose," Videl said. "Have you seen him?"

Gohan laughed nervously. "I think there's been a misunderstanding..." he said. "There are no dangerous maniacs here! Only Goten."

"_You're_ the maniac?" Videl asked. "No way. This guy beat up fifty people single-handedly! It couldn't have been you!"

"Please don't tell anyone," Gohan begged. "He didn't mean to hurt people. Goten's not like that."

"I thought it was that PE thing you told me about," Goten said.

"See? It's just a misunderstanding!"

Videl's jaw dropped. It didn't seem like they were kidding. "What? No! _Seriously?_ A six-year-old beat up everyone in school?"

"Apparently, he got in a fight with a group of bullies, and went a little overboard," Gohan said. "It's a totally understandable mistake to make!"

_Um...no, it's not_, Videl thought.

Goten looked upset. "I'm sorry, Miss Videl. Please don't tell Mom! She'll be mad at me! She told me not to fight...but I couldn't help it! Fighting's so much fun!"

Videl felt dizzy and had to sit down. "So let me get this straight. There is no crazy maniac here."

"Right," Gohan said.

"Instead, the person who beat up the entire school was Goten."

"I thought it was fighting time!" Goten said.

Videl paused for a brief moment while she processed this information.

"Okay, that's it," Videl said, suddenly. "I've made my decision."

"Huh?" Gohan asked. "What decision?"

Videl drew herself up to her full height and looked Gohan straight in the eyes. "You are teaching me how to fight, Gohan Son," Videl ordered. "I don't care if you have mutant alien powers or whatever. I need to learn how to fight like your family does."

"Um...sure, Videl," Gohan said. "I can give you training lessons. Only don't tell anyone about Goten, okay? That's a fair trade, right?"

Videl nodded. She wasn't planning on turning Goten in, anyway.

"Great," she smiled. "I can't wait to learn how you do this stuff!" With Gohan's help, her plan of winning the upcoming World's Martial Arts Tournament would come true! As long as Gohan and his family didn't enter, that is.

"Does this mean I'm not gonna get in trouble?" Goten asked happily.

"Well, I don't know how your mom will react, but I'm not going to tell the police what happened," Videl said.

_"Really that's great you're so cool thank you thank you thank you!"_ Goten exploded.

Videl smirked. "Besides, they wouldn't believe me if I told them the truth."

* * *

"So, what did he look like?" Officer Hernandez asked.

"He was incredibly strong, and he had ridiculously large hair," Videl said.

She smiled at this statement. Technically, it was all true. However, she conveniently failed to mention the so-called maniac was only in kindergarten.

"And you weren't able to stop him?" the officer pressed.

"We fought for a bit, but he managed to escape," Videl said. "But don't worry. Something tells me we're not going to hear from this guy ever again."

Officer Hernandez chewed on his pen. "I hope so, Videl. I hope so."

And that ended Goten's eventful first day of school. Sure, he had mistakenly thought it was fighting time when a group of bullies attacked him, but the misadventure was over now, and everyone was happy.

Well, _almost_ everyone...

* * *

_Two hours later_

"I told you, dammit, I've never even _been_ to your crappy little city!" Vegeta shouted. "Now go away and leave me _ALONE!_"

"We have found the Orange Elementary Maniac," Officer Hernandez said into his radio. "Repeat, we have found the Orange Elementary Maniac. Requesting backup to detain him."

_"I'M NOT A MANAIC! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"_


	7. Attack at Orange Star High

When Videl got home from her unsuccessful training session (making those energy ball things was impossible!), she found an angry father waiting for her.

"Where have you been?" Hercule demanded. "You know that you're supposed to call if you're not going to get home on time! I was worried sick!"

"It's okay, Dad," Videl said. "I was with Gohan."

This was not the right thing to say.

"Wha-wha-_what?_ You were with a BOY? How many times have I told you not to—"

"Chill out, Dad," Videl said. "He was helping me train for the World Martial Arts Tournament, that's all. It wasn't like a _date_ or anything."

_After all, Gohan's not allowed to go out on dates without a signed permission slip from his mother..._ Videl thought with a smirk.

Hercule breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good," he said. "You know you're not allowed to go out with a boy unless he's stronger than I am! And that'll never happen because I'm the...uh...wait, Gohan is the one who beat Cell, right?"

"Right."

"Okay, new rule. No going out with aliens."

Videl laughed. "I don't think you have to worry about that, Papa. I'm not into aliens."

"Still, I think I'll mention it to Chi-Chi when I see her tomorrow," Hercule said, rubbing his chin. "You can't be too careful about that sort of thing."

Videl groaned. Of _course_ her father was still spending time with Chi-Chi. She had a feeling he did it just to annoy her.

"Getting ready for the tournament isn't a bad idea, though, even if it _is_ a month away," Hercule said. "I should restart my heavy training regiment soon. What kind of training are you doing? That kid's not, uh, teaching you how to do all that weird glowing and laser beam stuff, is he?"

"Not yet," Videl said. "But I'll have to learn those things if I want to win the tournament. His whole family is entering, you know."

Hercule fell over.

"They—they're all en-entering the competition?" Hercule gasped. "They can't!"

"Of course they can," Videl said. "I was the one who told them about it."

"You—what—why?" Hercule asked, not able to complete full sentences at the thought of his inevitable defeat.

Videl shrugged. "It wouldn't be fair if they didn't enter," she said. "I want to win the tournament because I'm the best, not because the people who are better than me didn't enter."

Hercule didn't know what was more upsetting: the fact that his reign as World Champ seemed to be coming to an abrupt end, or the fact that his daughter was confident she was stronger than he was.

* * *

Vegeta was pissed when he was let out of prison.

According to the police, it was all the fault of a foolish teenager named Videl Satan. She would pay dearly for crossing the Prince of Saiyans.

He flew to Orange Star High and landed in the middle of the courtyard. A small crowd gathered around, amazed to see a flying man.

"Where is Videl Satan?" Vegeta demanded, picking up a random student by the neck. "Bring her to me!"

It was times like these that Vegeta missed Nappa. Sure, Nappa was a moron, but Vegeta always preferred to let one of his minions do the grunt work. It's so demeaning for a prince to threaten random teenagers, don't you agree?

The crowd of students immediately dispersed as everyone went running in different directions. Vegeta closed his eyes in impatience until he sensed an above-average energy signature approaching.

He opened his eyes to look at the person. It was a girl in pigtails, trying to look tough. How _cute_.

"What do _you_ want?" the girl said in a rough voice.

"So, you're Videl Satan, huh?" Vegeta taunted. "Short little thing, aren't you?"

"Speak for yourself," Videl replied, getting ready for a fight. She knew this kind of guy: ugly, stupid, and strong to boot. Not a good combination.

"You got me sent to jail," Vegeta said. He didn't like jails. The last time he was in jail, on a bug planet, he rewarded his jailers by destroying their entire population.

"And you came here for revenge, is that it?" Videl asked. "If you want to fight me, fight me! I'm not afraid of you!"

Vegeta laughed. "You should be! I am the Prince of—"

Videl aimed a kick at Vegeta's head, hoping to catch him off guard while he was babbling. Vegeta grabbed her heel in his fist.

_He's fast_, Videl thought, surprised. Not many people could dodge an attack from her. Blocking it completely with one hand was almost unheard of.

"Bad move," Vegeta grinned. He flung her aside like an old rag. Most humans would have landed face-first on the ground after being suddenly tossed like that, but Videl landed in a defensive stance, completely balanced.

_Interesting..._ Vegeta thought. _She has some sort of fighting skill. That should make toying with her all the more fun._

"Stop! STO-OP!" someone shouted.

It was Gohan. He ran onto the scene, waving his hands wildly.

_Kakarott's son?_ Vegeta wondered.

"Leave her alone!" he ordered Vegeta.

"I can handle this, Gohan," Videl said, brushing some hair out of her eyes. "I've dealt with his type before."

"Trust me. You haven't," Gohan said grimly.

"Why would you say that?" Videl asked, a little confused by Gohan's sudden seriousness. "He's a typical muscle-headed brute with stupid hair, isn't he?"

"Yeah, but I _know_ this guy," Gohan said. "It's Vegeta."

Videl thought for a moment as she tried to place that name. "The guy who almost blew up the Earth?" she guessed.

Vegeta laughed. "I see my reputation proceeds me!" He began walking towards Videl, slowly. "So, this is how Kakarott's son spends his time nowdays: making lady friends instead of training. I should have realized you were focusing your energies on finding a mate."

Gohan gulped. "Videl and I aren't—we're not—"

"Unfortunately for you, you picked the wrong woman to pursue," Vegeta said. "She may be strong enough to bear your young, but she's not going to live much longer. No one does after crossing Vegeta, the Saiyan Prince!"

Gohan was on the verge of having a seizure at the suggestion that he and Videl would have children. Videl was less disturbed; she had heard crazier accusations pour out of the mouths of people who wanted to fight.

"Listen, jerk," she said. "I don't care how tough you think you are, or why you think my romantic life is part of your business. Go away now, and you might not get hurt."

"Oh, really?" he asked.

Then he disappeared.

Videl barely had time to register a thought—_What?_—when Vegeta appeared behind her and dealt her a blow to the collarbone. She collapsed instantly.

Vegeta smirked as she picked herself up from the ground. "You got lucky, you—"

Vegeta smashed her again, on the other side of the neck. Videl collapsed even more quickly this time.

"Vegeta, no!" Gohan cried. He shot an energy ball at the Saiyan Prince, but Vegeta deflected it upwards without a second glance.

Videl grit her teeth in frustration. Instead of getting back up, she swung her foot around, in a simple tripping move. Only Vegeta jumped out of the way...

...And landed on her.

CRUNCH.

Videl screamed in pain as the bones in her right forearm broke. She tried bringing up her left arm to push Vegeta out of the way, but the pain was too distracting.

"NO!" Gohan yelled. He flew towards Vegeta at top speed. He had no plan to hurt Vegeta; he just wanted to get Vegeta as far away from Videl as possible. And because Gohan was not using a particular attack, Vegeta was able to brush Gohan aside as if he was no challenge at all.

In actuality, it _was_ a bit of a challenge to punch Gohan in the side and send him flying, but Vegeta was still able to give off the appearance that it didn't take any effort. A lesser person would accuse Vegeta of being a showoff, but the Saiyan prince knew from experience that sometimes giving off the false appearance of winning can play a decisive role in a battle's outcome.

"Pathetic little fool," Vegeta said, giving his trademark "I'm the most important person in the world" grin.

Videl grit her teeth. This super-powered jerk had hurt her and her friend. There was only one way to stop him: using the super-powers Gohan taught her. She closed her eyes and focused, just like Gohan had told her to do the day before. She tried to gather up all her rage and frustration into her hand, then she left all the anger loose.

BLAM!

She shot an energy blast at Vegeta's face at point blank range. Anyone who had control over his energy wouldn't have done such a crazy move, but Videl was a beginner with no experience, so she didn't know how stupid the attack was. For example, any good fighter knows you don't put _all_ your energy into a single blast, because if you miss, you are practically guaranteed to lose the fight. Also, it's just plain dangerous to put too much energy into one attack; if you put too much energy into a kamehameha, it can potentially destroy the entire planet.

Naturally, Videl immediately lapsed into unconsciousness after using up all her energy in that one blast.

"What?" Vegeta asked, taking a few steps backwards. That blast was weak by Saiyan standards, of course, but for a first timer, it was quite spectacular. "Did she just do what I _think_ she did? No weak human should be able to—"

"I've been teaching her how to fight," Gohan said, getting up and rubbing his side.

"What for?" Vegeta asked.

"The World's Martial Arts Tournament," Gohan said.

Vegeta crossed his arms, sending a strong body language signal that he was not interested in continuing the fight. He had gotten what he had come for: revenge on Videl. A fight with Gohan was not on Vegeta's to-do list, even if Vegeta was sure he could win.

"A fighting tournament?" Vegeta asked. "Interesting. I take it the two of you are entering?"

"Yes," Gohan said.

Vegeta grinned. "Well, if _you're_ entering this tournament, I guess I am, too. It'll be good to prove once and for all that I am the strongest warrior in the universe."

Gohan balked. Vegeta was _not_ someone he wanted to fight. Ever.

Vegeta's grin grew larger as he saw the effect his words had on Gohan. "See you later, Son of Kakarott," Vegeta said, rising into the air. "Train hard. I'll be waiting."

"Wait!" Gohan cried. "What about Videl?"

"What _about _her? I extracted sufficient revenge," Vegeta said. "There's no honor in harming an unconscious enemy."

Which is as close as Vegeta ever got to saying _If I hurt her any more, my wife is going to be extremely upset with me._

"That's _not_ what I mean," Gohan grumbled. Picking up Videl's unconscious body, he started to hope that there were some spare sensu beans at Kami's Lookout.

* * *

Things were a bit more pleasant at the brand new Son Family House, where Chi-Chi and Hercule were having lunch together

"—quite wonderful here," Chi-Chi was saying. "We would have moved out of the woods sooner, but we weren't able to afford a new place to live. It's so kind of you to offer us a place to stay."

"It's no trouble at all," Hercule said. "I wasn't using this place, anyway. But can I ask you a favor in return?"

"Sure, anything!" Chi-Chi said, smiling.

"Well, I heard that your family is entering the World Martial Arts competition," Hercule said.

"Uh huh," Chi-Chi said.

"Is there any chance you could...like..._not_ enter?" Hercule asked.

The smile fell from Chi-Chi's face. "Why?"

"Well, it's very dangerous, and I...I don't want you to get...hurt?" Hercule said, faltering in mid-sentence when he saw the look on Chi-Chi's face.

"You mean you're scared of losing," she accused.

"Well, it would be bad for my image if I was beaten by a little kid," Hercule said. "So if Goten doesn't—"

"What, did you offer us this house just as a bribe to keep us out of the tournament?" Chi-Chi demanded, slamming the table. "If it wasn't for Gohan, you wouldn't _be_ famous for defeating Cell, you lying, cheating, phony—"

"You've got it all wrong!" Hercule protested. "That's not what I—!"

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm _going_ to enter this tournament no matter _what_ you say! And I hope I get you in the first round, so I can pound your fat, ugly-haired head in!"

Hercule gasped. "You don't like my afro?"

"It's ridiculously old-fashioned!" Chi-Chi said. "I'm guessing the reason you have so much hair _outside _your head is to disguise the fact that you have no brains _inside_ your head!"

_"Now wait just one minute!"_ Hercule screamed. "Sure, you can me a spineless coward who's afraid to fight a six-year-old; sure, you can call me the biggest phony in the world; and sure, I'm a complete weakling compared to your family. I admit that's true. But you—do—not—mess—with—my—fro! "

Chi-Chi made a snorking sound. "I just might shave it off in your sleep," she threatened.

Hercule gave a surprisingly girlish scream for such a large man.

* * *

That day, Kami's Lookout had its first visitor in months.

"Gohan," Dende said. "Hi. Sorry about what happened with Vegeta."

Gohan put Videl down gently on the ground. "Can you heal her?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Dende said. "Videl will back to normal in no time."

"You know her?" Gohan asked.

"We've never met, but I've heard a lot about her," Dende said, rolling up his sleeves. "After all, I'm the Guardian of Earth. I hear about everyone who helps save other people."

Dende put his hands over Videl and chanted the magic words. Her eyes opened. Disoriented, she saw Gohan and some sort of—green?

"Aaaaaa!" Videl screamed, bolting upright and immediately getting into a fighting position. "Where am I? What's going on? Where's that ugly-haired jerk?"

"Woah, Videl, calm down!" Gohan said. "Everything's okay now! There's no need to be upset!"

Videl lowered her fists, but her body was still tensed for a fight. "Okay, where am I?"

"You're at the Lookout," Gohan said. "This is my friend Dende, the Guardian of Earth."

"Hi," Dende said.

"He...he...he's _green!_" Videl said.

"Yeah, he's an alien. Remember I told you about the planet Namek?"

Videl calmed down as she tried to remember. The adrenaline pumping through her body was distracting. "Oh...right...the aliens that came from the outer space planet."

"Most aliens come from one of those," Dende said, kindly.

Videl smiled. "Oh, I get it. _This_ guy must be your father!"

Gohan fell over. "What? No! I'm not related to Dende!"

"What? You said you were half-alien!" Videl said. "Isn't _he_ an alien?"

"Yeah, but a different alien!"

"You can't fool me," Videl said, getting angry. "Aliens are aliens, Gohan!"

* * *

"I know I deserve to be beaten," Hercule said. "But I've been the champ for so long, it's just hard to give up, you know? You wouldn't believe all the stupid things I have to do to keep up my reputation..."

"Your reputation isn't everything," Chi-Chi said, sipping her tea.

"I know, but...I dunno, I guess I'm kind of stupid that way. I can't keep winning forever, but I like to hope I can, anyway."

"Yes, well..."

"Can't we make a deal or something?" Hercule asked. "Say, if I fight one of you guys in the tournament, you could _pretend_ to lose? I'll still give you the prize money, I swear!"

"I don't think anyone in this house would purposely throw a fight," Chi-Chi said.

"Yeah, but you don't want the paparazzi on you 24/7, do you? That's why you were living out on in the woods! You didn't want people to know about your...powers."

"Hmmm..." Chi-Chi thought.

"Well, this is a way for you to still be in the fight without anyone knowing it," Hercule said. "I'd completely understand if you wanted to bash my face in instead, but I just thought I'd throw it out there."

"I'll think about it," Chi-Chi promised.

* * *

"Any idea _why_ Vegeta has it out for Videl?" Gohan asked.

"It seems the police arrested him because they thought he was the Orange Elementary Maniac," Dende said.

"I can see why," Videl muttered.

"And he blames Videl for getting him thrown in jail," Dende finished.

"This is just _perfect_," Gohan complained. "The biggest maniac on the planet is ready to pound my face in at the World Martial Arts Tournament! I can't get back in shape to fight him in time! He's going to pound me!"

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Dende said. "You're still the best fighter I know. And besides, a month is a pretty long time to train."

"Yeah, maybe a month of strict training would be enough, but I've got school, and I have to look after Goten, and there's no time for—"

"What about the Hyperbolic Time Chamber?" Dende asked. "You still have a year and a half to go on it, as I recall."

"What's the Hyperbolic Time Chamber?" Videl asked.

"Dende, you're a genius!" Gohan said, snapping his fingers. "Is the room fully stocked?"

"Of course!"

"What's the Hyperbolic Time Chamber?" Videl asked again.

"If one day is an hour, that must mean two hours equals one month, roughly," Gohan said. "I can find two hours to spare, sure!"

"When? Right now?"

_"WHAT'S THE HYPERBOLIC TIME CHAMBER?_" Videl shouted.

* * *

Chi-Chi thought about Hercule after he left. She wasn't sure what to make of him. On one hand, he was a confident career man with the reputation of being the manliest man in the world.

On the other hand, he spent two hours a day curling his hair.

_At least he admits his mistakes... _she thought. _Kind of. And unlike Goku, he actually __listens__ when I yell at him._

Chi-Chi shook her head. She needed to stop comparing men to Goku. After all, Goku had been dead for seven years. He was the love of her life, but that was all over now. Nothing could bring Goku back, not even the dragonballs...

* * *

After Gohan and Videl left—the two of them had an amusing argument over whether or not Gohan was going to carry her as he flew back to town—Dende contacted King Kai.

"I haven't heard from you in a while," King Kai said. "What's up? There's not another monster attacking the earth, is there?"

"No, nothing like that," Dende said. "It's just that I learned they're having another World Martial Arts Tournament here. I thought Goku might like to attend."

King Kai puffed out his chest. "Well, Goku _is_ the champion of the Other World Martial Arts Tournament! He's entitled to special privileges!"


	8. Training with Goten

When Gohan got back to school, he had a nasty surprise waiting for him: a detention. Teachers don't like it if you ditch class, you know.

"But—but—Videl was—" Gohan complained to the principal.

"She has permission to leave school thanks to her job with the police," the principal said. "And fighting dangerous maniacs is part of her job description."

Gohan was too polite to argue with the principal, but he still thought it was massively unfair.

"That's the second time you've been to the principal's office this week," Sharpener noted. "You in trouble or something?"

"I got detention for a week because I skipped class," Gohan complained.

"_You_ skipped class?" Sharpener asked. "Brains, I didn't know you had it in you!"

"It wasn't on purpose!" Gohan said. "I was just trying to—never mind."

Gohan took his seat next to Erasa and opened his book.

A thought struck Videl. _If Gohan's stuck with after school detention, how is he supposed to train me for the World Martial Arts Tournament?_ Especially if Gohan was planning on doing training by himself in the "magic time room" he was babbling about.

_Hyper Balance Time Chamber, what a load of hooey._ Videl was pretty sure that, alien or not, Gohan's green friend couldn't control time. That sort of thing was impossible.

_Guess I'll have to train myself..._ Videl thought. _Videl all alone, just the way it should be._

Videl and Gohan had gotten into a minor argument about this, actually. In Videl's opinion, Gohan had gotten into the nasty habit of thinking the Gold Fighter was a legitimate superhero, deserving of his own costume and theme song. He even offered to become Videl's crime-fighting partner, but as soon as she saw the Gold Fighter dance that Gohan had prepared, she put an immediate stop to _those _plans.

"I fight crime alone," she had insisted.

The PA system crackled to life, rousing Videl from her thoughts about fighting.

"Gohan Son to the Principal's Office. Please send Gohan Son to the Principal's office," the speaker said.

"Aw, man!" Gohan said. "I was just _there!_ What is it _this_ time?"

"Dude, you spend more time in the principal's office than the principal does!" Sharpner said. "Way to go!"

Gohan trudged back down the locker-lined hallways to the principal's office, unhappily awaiting whatever doom awaited him.

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble," the principal said. "It's your brother. I got another phone call from Orange Elementary saying he's in an emergency situation."

Gohan sighed. It was a good thing that _he_ was Goten's emergency contact, and not Chi-Chi. She'd get really upset if she knew how much trouble her youngest son got into. Just the other day, Goten had somehow glued himself and three other students to the arts and crafts table, and Gohan had to come help remove them.

"What is it?" Gohan asked.

"He's stuck in a tree, and they need someone to get him to come down. His teacher demanded you show up."

"Aw, _seriously?_" Gohan asked. "That doesn't sound like a big deal to me. Goten can fl—"

Gohan stopped himself before he said the word _fly_, realizing he couldn't mention Goten's powers in front of the principal. "Um...fl, fl—" _What starts with fl?_ "Fall! That's it! He can fall!"

"You want your brother to fall out of a tree?" the principal asked, raising his eyebrow.

"No!" Gohan said. "I mean, I'll get him down right away, Sir! ...As long as I won't get detention for skipping class while I'm gone."

The principal smiled. "Not this time, no."

Gohan saluted the principal, shouted "Sir! Yes, sir!", then ran out of the office to save his brother.

The principal scratched his head. That Gohan Son was a strange kid.

* * *

There was a tree at the far end of the playground at Orange Elementary. They had planted it there for Earth Day twenty years ago, and it was pretty big, plenty big for the students to play with.

Goten was hanging off a tree branch, but he wasn't hanging by his arms. He was hanging by his...

"Tail! Tail!" the teacher said, pointing at it while dancing on her toes. "He's got a tail! Please, do something!"

_It must have grown back_, Gohan thought.

"Ahhh! Ahhh! Help! I don't wanna die!" Goten cried, waving his arms like crazy.

"Goten, it's me!" Gohan said.

"Gohan?" Goten said.

"Can you let go?" Gohan asked.

"No no no no no no!" Goten said. "I don't want to fall and get hurt!"

_Then just fly away from the tree_, Gohan thought at his brother, using his telepathic abilities. He thought it was best not to mention flying in front of Goten's frantic teacher.

"I don't know how to fly like you do!" Goten protested. "And I don't know how to do the thinking thingy, either!"

_Okay, Plan B,_ Gohan thought. "Just turn around and unwrap your tail from the tree," he called. "I'll catch your before you hit the ground!"

"Promise?" Goten said.

"Promise," Gohan said.

"That's way too dangerous!" the teacher said. "He could die, he could get hurt, how does he have _a tail?_"

"Here I go!" Goten said, grabbing his tail. He fell down, but Gohan was able to catch him.

"Thanks, Gohan!" Goten said. "You're the best big brother ever!"

"Tail! Tail! TAIL!" the teacher cried.

"Please calm down, ma'am," Gohan said. "It's not a real tail."

"It's not?" she asked.

"No, it's, um...a, um...fake tail! He made it from an old blanket!"

"An old blanket?"

It was obvious Gohan was lying, but the teacher was willing to believe _any_ explanation, as long as it didn't involve one of her students actually having a tail.

"Wow, that's amazing! It's so lifelike, too! You're very creative, Goten!"

"Thanks!" Goten said.

"And thank _you_, Gohan," she said. "You've helped save your brother from a very dangerous situation again."

"Heh, all part of a day's work!" Gohan said.

"Let's get back to the classroom," the teacher said, taking Goten's hand. "Miss Abrams can't take over for me forever!" (Miss Abrams was the assistant teacher.)

_Try to hide your tail, okay, Goten?_ Gohan thought at his brother as he left. _Pretend it's a belt or something. I can fix it after school._

"Wait, after school?" Gohan asked himself. "I can't fix it after school! I have detention! Oh, man! What'll I do?"

* * *

"Do you have any plans today?" Erasa asked Videl, as they walked over to their lockers.

"Nah, just homework," Videl said. "I was hoping to do training for the World Martial Arts tournament, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen."

"Why not?"

"Because Gohan's got detention, that's why," Videl said.

"He's _really_ your instructor, then?" Erasa asked. "I thought you were joking when you said that! I mean, you're stronger than he is, right?"

"His dad is the former champion," Videl said. "He learned a lot from him."

"Wow, I didn't know that," Erasa said. "So, you two are like the most powerful fighters in school then, right?"

"I guess so," Videl said. "I've never been one-on-one with him. I think I'll save _that_ butt-whooping for the tournament."

And make no mistake, Videl was certain she was going to win her eventual confrontation with Gohan. Also, she was going to beat that big-haired Vegeta freak into the ground. Hercule had taught his daughter a lot about going into a fight with confidence.

"Videl! Videlllll!" Gohan cried from across the hallway.

"Speak of the devil," Videl muttered.

Gohan pushed through the crowd of students, with a little boy attached to his hand.

"Videl I need someone to watch Goten today-I can't do it-I have detention-could you take care of him for me-okay-thanks-bye!" Gohan said at rapid-fire speed, not even taking breaks between his sentences.

"What?" Videl asked, but it was too late. Gohan was already sprinting off in the opposite direction.

"Aw, what a cute little boy!" Erasa said. "What's your name, sweetie?"

"My name is Goten," Goten said, his thumb in his mouth. He sometimes got shy around strangers.

"This is Gohan's little brother," Videl explained.

"Is that..._a tail?_" Erasa asked, shocked.

"No, it's a belt," Goten said.

"Riiight," Videl said, suspecting he was lying. "Come on, kid. Looks like I'm baby-sitting you this afternoon."

* * *

Videl took Goten back to her house. She thought she could keep his interest by showing him the training room.

"You like to exercise, don't you?" she said.

Goten nodded vigorously. "Fighting is fun! I do it all the time with my friend Trunks!"

"I'll bet you do," Videl said, taking him to a corner where a boxing weight hung from the ceiling. "This here is a padded weight, for kicking and punching. Like this, see? Hyah!"

Videl hit the weight with the side of her hand, and it moved about half a foot outside the center.

"Let me try! Let me try!" Goten said.

"Sure," Videl agreed. "Don't hit it too hard now, okay?" she joked.

"Okay!" Goten said. He gave it a soft punch.

The weight swung out so high that it went over Videl's head.

"WOAH!" she cried. "How did you—? Wha...?"

"Did I do something wrong?" Goten asked.

"No," Videl said. "It's just...you're really strong, that's all."

"I eat all my vegetables," Goten said proudly.

_Yeah, and you're half super-alien..._ Videl thought sarcastically. _Wait a minute. I can use this to figure out how these alien guys work._

"New strategy, Goten," Videl said. "We're going to spar for a bit."

"Spar?"

"Fake fight," Videl explained. "It's practice for the real thing."

"Cool!" Goten said.

"Let's start by testing your reflexes. Try to dodge when I attack, okay?"

* * *

The spar with Goten went much worse for Videl than she expected. The six-year-old almost had her completely outclassed. His reflexes and strength were like nothing she had seen before. All he lacked was discipline and proper training. Someone had clearly given him a little martial arts training at one point, but it couldn't have been very extensive because his technique was too sloppy.

"You're good at this!" Goten said, finding another one his blows countered by Videl.

"You're...good...too..." Videl grunted, sweat pouring down her face. Goten didn't look like he was even _close_ to breaking a sweat, she noted.

Videl feinted to the left, and Goten dodged right. She swung up with her right arm, but he blocked it.

"Ha!" he said.

Videl took a jump backwards, and immediately dashed forwards. Goten tried to block, but she crashed into him, and the two of them went rolling.

He pushed her off of him. "Get off!"

"Try dodging instead of blocking next time, okay?" she said.

She karate-chopped his arm, only he dodged to the left, following her advice. She hit something, but it wasn't Goten's arm.

"Ow, my tail!" he cried.

"Aha!" Videl said. "So you _do_ have a tail!"

"Awww! I wasn't supposed to tell anyone!" Goten said. "Gohan's going to be mad at me now!"

"Don't worry. I'll keep your secret," Videl said. "Where'd you get that tail, anyway?"

"It just grew back today," Goten said.

"Grew _back?_ You had it _before?_"

"Yeah, but Gohan said I had to get rid of it because it's dangerous."

"How could a _tail_ be dangerous?" Videl wondered.

"I dunno," Goten said, smiling. "Let's fight some more!"

"No, let's keep talking," Videl said. "I've learned enough from the fight."

"Learned?" Goten asked. "What did you learn?"

_That you alien freaks are super strong, and super fast, and probably impossible to defeat_, Videl thought, but she couldn't say that.

"You can learn something from _every_ fight, Goten," she said. "That's how you become a great fighter, just like me! Hard work, training, and a can-do attitude!" She was quoting one of her dad's standard inspirational speeches for kids, but she figured Goten wouldn't know that.

"Oh! Wow! Cool! I wanna be a great fighter like you!" Goten said, jumping up and down. "Can you teach me?"

"I can teach you a little bit, I guess," Videl said. "For example, do you know the three different kinds of punches?"

"No," Goten said. "There are three?"

"Sure," Videl said. "I can teach you something basic like that, no problem."

"Yay! Videl's gonna be my teacher! Videl's gonna be my teacher! Trunks'll be so jealous when he hears I have a real-life superhero for a teacher!"

Videl couldn't help but smile. Goten's excitement was just too cute.

"Yeah! You can do the superhero thing, too, right?"

"The superhero thing?" Videl asked. _I hope he's not talking about that stupid dance..._

"The one Gohan does! This!"

Goten powered up to Super Saiayan. Videl almost fell over from shock.

"You can do that, too?" she asked. "The Gold Fighter transformation?"

"You can't?" Goten asked. "Uh oh." He was supposed to keep that a secret, but he thought Videl already knew it.

Videl could sense this was a golden opportunity, no pun intended. Goten was too young and hyper to really control himself. If she played her hand just right, she could use Goten to learn how to defeat these Saiyan warriors.

"Can _you_ teach me how to do that, Goten?" Videl asked, sweetly.

"Yeah! It's really simple! You focus your energy and do it!" Goten said, not exactly explaining very well. "Try it!"

Videl concentrated on making an energy ball appear in her hands like Gohan had taught her, but she still wasn't able to do that whenever she wanted to quite yet.

"No, don't use your hands," Goten said. "Use your body. That way the glowy wave things appear."

"Glowy wave things?"

Goten gleefully demonstrated how to give off glowy wave things.

"Um...what's the point of that technique?" Videl asked.

"It looks really cool!" Goten said. "And if you do it right, you go superhero!"

"Okay," Videl said. She tried to focus inside herself, squatting down and bending over like Goten did...and she almost fell over.

Goten laughed.

"Goten! It's not funny!" Videl said.

"Sorry, Videl! But you're not doing it right!"

"Well, tell me how to do it right, then!" Videl said, a little annoyed. "You're supposed to be my teacher, right? Help me out!"

"Well, when Trunks' dad does it, he screams a lot. Like this: 'RRRRRGH! GRRRRRWL! RAAAAAH!' "

"Sounds like a caveman," Videl said. _Since when does grunting help you fight?_

"Try it!"

"Grrrrrrrrr!" Videl said, trying to figure out a way to translate Goten's instructions from kindergartner to English.

Well, she remembered hitting that Vegeta jerk in the face with an energy blast. What she did was sort of bundle up her emotions inside of her, and then she shot it out through her hands. Was that what Goten meant?

Trying to repeat the experience, Videl concentrated and tried to gather together all of her strength and power inside her. Only this time, instead of shooting it out through her hands, she tried to keep it inside. It was a weird sensation, and she didn't think she could do it for long.

Goten could feel Videl's energy rise slightly. "Yeah, that's it! Now just go RAWR! and let it go!"

"RAWR!" Videl said, putting up her hands. The energy she gathered sort of...shot off in all directions. An energy wave flew out, and Videl fell to the ground in exhaustion.

"You did it! Kind of!" Goten said.

Videl panted until she could catch her breath. "I didn't do it," she said. "I'm not glowing like I'm supposed to. What did I do wrong?"

"You only gave off _one_ energy wave!" Goten said. "You just need to do more!"

Videl sat down and wiped some sweat off her forehead. "I can't do _more!_" she said. "I'm too tired from just _one!_ These things are too much work!"

"That's 'cause you fired off all your energy," Goten said. "You gotta keep it with you next time!"

"How do I do that?" Videl asked. "Keep my energy and let it go at the same time?"

"Um...I don't know, but I can do it!" Goten said.

"That helps a lot. Thanks," Videl said sarcastically.

"You're welcome!" Goten said.

* * *

Videl and Goten ended up being good fighting partners for each other, believe it or not. Goten was able to teach her more about various energy attacks, and Videl was able to teach him about the different martial arts styles so his technique would be more well-rounded.

_Good thing he'll be in the Junior Division,_ Videl thought. _I wouldn't want to face another one of them in the Tournament_.

Videl figured she'd probably wind up fighting Vegeta and Gohan in the tournament. If she was lucky, they'd get each other in the semi-finals, and she'd only have to fight one of them, but she wasn't counting on it.

_There's no way I can defeat them normally, so these energy attacks are my only hope,_ Videl thought. _I'll be using their own weapon against them. It'll be great._

After an hour or so of practice, Videl called it quits, and the two of them went to the kitchen to get something to drink. Hercule was there, looking rather anxious.

"Hey, Papa," Videl said. "What's up?"

"Hey, Videl. Hey...uh..."

"Goten," Goten introduced himself.

"Right, Goten! You're Chi-Chi's kid, aren't you?"

"Uh huh!" Goten said.

"It's good to see you kids are getting along," Hercule said, shifting around a little in his large clothes. "You might have to see a lot more of each other in the future."

Videl groaned. She didn't like the sound of that. "What do you mean, Dad?"

"Well, I was just thinking of asking her to dinner, that's all," Hercule said. _Don't know why I'm getting so nervous. I've done this a hundred times before. I just need to pick up the phone and..._

Goten scratched the back of his neck. "Dinner? Mom said you had lunch with her today."

"I did," Hercule said. "But I mean _dinner_ dinner, you know."

Videl put her glass down. _No no no no no_.

"Is that like...super dinner?" Goten asked. "It sounds delicious!"

_Somebody kill me now..._ Videl thought.

"Something like that, Little Dude!" Hercule said, rubbing Goten's hair. "Only more romantic."

_Gohan is so dead._

* * *

Hercule had a minor reputation as a playboy, even though that wasn't really the case. A lot of women who flocked to him were more interested in his money or his fame than the man himself. They tended to leave when they found out that he was...well...kind of a goofball.

Chi-Chi Son wasn't like that. She didn't care about his money or fame at all, and boy did she let him know it! It was a refreshing change, in his opinion.

He was middle-aged, single, with a daughter who was nearly grown up. He didn't need a one night stand. What he needed was a stable relationship to help him get through life more smoothly.

And Chi-Chi needed the same thing, right?

"Gosh, that sounds pathetic," Hercule said to himself. "I need someone to help balance my career, you need someone to help you raise your kids, let's get married."

He really _did_ need someone to help balance his career and personal life. He did a horrible job of it on his own, erratically switching back and forth between spending all his time working and all his time at home. His first wife had been great at keeping him in check whenever things got out of hand.

_Chi-Chi has no problems keeping me in check..._

"And that sounds even _more_ pathetic," Hercule complained loudly. "Hey, I need someone to be my life referee! I was going to hire a secretary, but I thought I'd ask _you_ instead!"

If he listened hard enough, he could almost _hear_ the phone laughing at him.

"Oh, awh, this is ridiculous!" Hercule said, throwing the phone away. "Forget I even said anything! I'm not going to call her!"

"No, wait, I _will _call her! I'm the World Champion of Martial Arts! The Number One Bachelor in the country! Who could I possibly be afraid of?"

"...The only woman in the world who could beat me up without even trying. Right."

"But I know she likes me, well, kind of, and that means I should..."

"What if she doesn't like guys who talk to themselves?"

"I can't handle this pressure. I'm going to work out for a bit."

The phone lay on his bed, untouched, for a long time after that.

* * *

Videl volunteered to drop Goten off at his house. Anything to prevent her father from seeing Chi-Chi again.

Gohan answered the door. "Gee, thanks a lot, Videl," he said with a large smile. "I know it was sort of last minute, but—erk!"

Videl grabbed Gohan by the collar and dragged his face down to her level. "Your brother has a tail," she said. "Explain. Now."

"Saiyans have tails!" Gohan said. "Didn't I mention that?"

"No. You didn't."

Goten tugged on Videl's arm. "Be nice to Gohan, 'kay?"

"I'll be nice as soon as your lousy, no-good brother tells me the truth for once!" Videl snarled.

"He always tells the truth!" Goten defended his big brother.

"Yeah, except that one time I told Mom that I was doing my math homework, when I was _really _doing my English homework," Gohan said. "But that was the only time I lied recently, I swear!'

"I don't _care_ about your studies; I care about the fact that your little brother is a monkey!"

"Look, I didn't mention it because it's not a big deal!" Gohan said. "My tail was cut off so many years ago that I almost forgot I ever had one!"

"_You_ had a tail?"

"I can show you the scar, if you want," Gohan said. "It's right above my, um, er..." Gohan realized where he was talking about and turned red.

Videl turned slightly red, too. "I'm not interested in that part of your body, so you can keep it to yourself!" she snapped. "Now take your brother already! I'm going home!"

The two brothers watched Videl storm off, muttering to herself about monkeys and how stupid certain boys are. "I think she's angry at you," Goten said.

"I think so, too," Gohan agreed.

"And tell your mom to get her greasy claws out of my dad!" Videl shouted over her shoulder as an afterthought.

_What does that mean?_ Gohan wondered.

He shrugged. Maybe he was a half-alien, but sometimes, Videl made him look like the normal one in his class. Girls were _weird_, he was beginning to learn.

"Come on, Goten, let's get your tail removed," he said.

"Aw, do I have to?" Goten complained.


	9. Goku's Coming Back!

An angry mother greeted the two Son boys as they argued about whether or not to remove Goten's tail.

"Family meeting," Chi-Chi snapped. "Now."

_Oh no!_ Gohan thought. _Did she find out that I got detention? Oh, man, I am so __screwed__!_

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w..." Gohan stammered, too scared to ask any questions.

"We need to plan for the World Martial Arts Tournament," Chi-Chi declared. "It's being held next month, and the three of us are going to win first, second and third place."

"Yay!" Goten cheered.

"You get $20 million for first, $10 million for second, and $5 million for third," Chi-Chi explained. "That's 35 million in all! We'll never have to worry about money again!"

"Double yay!" Goten cheered.

"As of now, this family is on a strict training regimen," Chi-Chi said, pacing back and forth. "Twenty laps around the block every day before breakfast. A low carb diet. Practice fights against some of Goku's old friends. No more—"

"What about Videl and Hercule?" Gohan asked.

Chi-Chi stopped in mid-rant. "What _about_ them?" she asked.

"Aren't they going to be in the tournament, too?" Gohan asked. "It'd be kind of unfair if we had to go up against them."

"We'll worry about that if we have to," Chi-Chi said. She still hadn't decided whether or not to accept Hercule's offer to throw the fight yet. "Fortunately, there isn't going to be any _serious_ competition at the—"

"Vegeta knows about the tournament," Gohan blurted out.

Chi-Chi went into instant psycho mode. _"What? You told the fighting maniac who's been training for the past seven years straight—"_

"I didn't tell him! Videl did! He was trying to hurt her, and..."

Chi-Chi's eyes narrowed. "Gohan, how much time are you spending around this Videl girl?"

"Not that much, I guess," Gohan said. "It's just that she's the only person who knows about my powers, so I feel safe talking to her about—"

Chi-Chi's hand started instinctively crawling towards the drawer where she kept her frying pans. "You're supposed to be _studying!_ Not focusing on _girls!_"

"Mom, that's so unfair!" Gohan protested. "If it wasn't for me, Videl would probably be dead right now!"

"Tell me what happened from the beginning," Chi-Chi said, deciding to give her son a chance to explain before she grounded him for life.

Gohan explained how Vegeta attacked Videl during school. Gohan didn't mention the part where Vegeta utterly trounced him with one hit, but it was pretty obvious the fight was one-sided.

"That evil, no-good, (bad word) fiend!" Chi-Chi said angrily. "I'm calling Bulma and telling her to control that husband of hers! He can't just run around town attacking innocent teenagers!"

"Sounds like Vegeta's up to his old tricks again," a voice from above said.

Gohan, Chi-Chi and Goten looked up at the empty ceiling.

"What was that?" Goten asked.

"Who's there?" Gohan asked.

"I'm...I'm hearing things!" Chi-Chi said.

"It's me, Dende," Dende said. "I'm talking to you from Other World."

"Um...hey, Dende," Gohan said. "What's up?"

"He's spying on us, that's what!" Chi-Chi said. "Listen to me, you green-skinned menace! Don't listen in on our private conversations, or I'll show you what you can do with those big ugly ears of yours!"

Needless to say, Chi-Chi had never trusted a Namekian ever since Piccolo kidnapped four-year-old Gohan.

"No, that's not it!" Dende protested. "I'm here because someone wants to talk to you!"

"Hey guys!" Goku said. "Can you hear me?"

"Dad?" Gohan asked.

"G-Goku?" Chi-Chi asked, her voice warbling slightly.

"Yeah!" Goku said. "It's great to hear your voices again! I've really missed hearing from you in the past seven years!"

"Goku!" Chi-Chi started crying.

"Who is it?" Goten asked.

"That's Dad," Gohan explained. "He's talking to us from heaven."

Goku blinked in surprise. He couldn't see his family; he could only hear them. "Who's _that?_" he asked.

"That's Goten," Dende said. "He's...um..."

"He's our son," Chi-Chi said. "I gave birth to him nine months after you died."

"_I have another son?_" Goku asked, amazed. He turned around and looked at the pink-haired woman who was floating on top of a crystal ball. "Baba, why didn't you _tell_ me this?"

"Slipped my mind," Fortuneteller Baba said.

"That's amazing! Wow! I can't wait to meet him! You said his name was Goten?"

"That's me," Goten said softly. He wasn't used to talking to strangers, much less strangers in the ceiling.

"Meet him?" Gohan asked. "He's not going to die anytime soon..."

"Right, that's what I wanted to talk to you guys about! I'm coming back to Earth!"

"What?"

"No way!"

"This is awesome!"

"But didn't you tell us not to wish you back to life?"

Baba cleared her throat. "He gets to come back for one day _only_," she said. "My magic doesn't last indefinitely."

"When you told me about the upcoming tournament, I thought I'd mention it to King Kai in case Goku would like to watch," Dende explained. "One thing led to another, and we got permission to let Goku attend!"

"Yeah, saving the world a few dozen times _does_ have its benefits!" Goku said happily.

"This is the weirdest dream I've ever had," Chi-Chi said weakly.

"It's not a dream, Chi-Chi! It's real!" Goku said. "Man, this is going to be the best day ever! I'm super-psyched! I'll get to see all of you again, I get to fight Vegeta, _and_ they have a free all-you-can-eat buffet for the fighters! Woo hoo! Gohan, you're entering, right?"

"We all are," Chi-Chi said.

"Yeah, we're entering, and so is Videl," Gohan said.

"Videl?" Goku asked. "I've never heard of him."

"_Her_," Gohan said.

"She's a girl Gohan has been spending too much time with lately," Chi-Chi said.

"MOM!"

"She's really cool," Goten said. "She's a superhero and she's teaching me all kinds of fighting moves!"

"You need to teach our son about dealing with girls," Chi-Chi said. "They're not all nice and pretty like me! This girl he likes is far too violent—"

"Mo-om! I don't _like_ her! You're embarrassing me!"

"If you don't like her, why do you spend all your time with her? I swear, you spend more time with that devil girl than with your poor old mother, who loves you dearly and is only looking out for your best interests—"

"_Who_ is she?" Goku asked again.

"She's Hercule's daughter," Dende explained.

"Who?" Goku asked.

"You know, Hercule," Dende said. "Big mouth, crazy afro, thinks he's the best fighter in the world?"

Goku had no idea who he meant.

"Gee, I guess I've been away from Earth longer than I thought," Goku said. "Well, I can't wait to catch up with you all and learn about this stuff! See you next month! Bye!"

"What? NO!" Chi-Chi said, immediately stopping her argument with Gohan. "You can't stop the conversation suddenly like that! There's loads more to talk about!"

"I _said_ my magic doesn't last indefinitely," Baba said, irritated. "Conversation over."

"You pink-haired wench, I get to talk to my husband for the first time in years, and you cut us off because you're too tired to—"

Goten tugged on his brother's sleeve. "What's going on, Big Brother?"

Gohan smiled. "Dad is coming back."

* * *

Gohan was in a really good mood the next day, naturally, so he was surprised when he entered the classroom and found Videl with her head on her desk. Erasa was patting her shoulder.

"At least it's not a _total_ shock," Erasa said. "You didn't expect your father to stay single forever, did you?"

"I expected him to at least _consult_ me before he ruined my life," Videl groaned.

"She can't be _that_ bad," Erasa said.

"You haven't met her," Videl said. "It's like she's stuck in permanent menopause mode."

By this time, Gohan had gone up the stairs to his seat. "Hey," he said hesitantly, not sure what (if anything) was wrong with Videl.

"Hi, Gohan," Erasa said kindly. "Videl told us about your mom and her dad."

Videl groaned.

"Our parents? What about them?" Gohan asked.

"Well, you know, how they're..." Erasa looked around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation. "_Dating_."

"Dating?" Gohan asked. "Is that like...some kind of historical exercise?"

"No, you dolt!" Videl said. "Dating each other!"

Gohan scratched his chin. "But...don't they know how old they are already?"

Erasa was stunned. "Is he joking?" she asked Videl.

"He lived in the middle of the woods his entire life," Videl said. "He's a little sheltered."

"You don't know what dating is?" Erasa asked.

"I think I read about it in a book," Gohan said. "Something about...movies? I don't remember. What is it?"

Erasa whispered an explanation in Gohan's ear.

"Uh huh..." Gohan said. "Right...But why would they want to?...Um...Who would?...AUGH! THAT'S THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF!" Gohan shouted, falling out of his chair and down the stairs.

"Get back in your seat, Mr. Son," Mr. Brown, the homeroom teacher said, without once looking up from the book he was reading (Attack of the Rhinos from Outer Space).

"My mom would never, _ever_ do that with _anyone!_" Gohan said. "How dare you accuse her of something like that?"

"But I didn't even get to the good part yet!" Erasa said.

"I don't care! I don't want to hear any more!"

"Wait," Videl said. "You didn't hear anything about this from your mom?"

"No, of course not!" Gohan said. "My mom wouldn't do something like that! Especially not with my dad coming back!"

"Your dad is coming back?" Videl asked.

"Yeah, he told us just last night!" Gohan said. "Dad's coming back to fight in the World Martial Arts Tournament! Isn't that great? I haven't seen him in years!"

_I thought his dad was dead..._ Videl thought.

"That's really good news, Gohan," Erasa said. "And if Gohan's parents are getting back together..."

"...That means my dad doesn't have a chance with Chi-Chi!" Videl said. "Yeah!" _My life might not be over after all!_

* * *

Chi-Chi, in the meantime, was having a meeting with Fortuneteller Baba, just to go over how the whole "bringing Goku back to life for a day" process worked. She was amazed at how simple it was.

"...So you can bring anyone back to life," Chi-Chi said, at the end of Baba's lengthy explanation.

"For a day, at least," Baba said.

"And you can do this whenever you want?"

"As long as my magic powers don't run out, yes," Baba said, nodding her head.

Chi-Chi paused for a second before attacking. _"SO I COULD HAVE HAD GOKU HERE ANY TIME I WANTED DURING THE PAST SEVEN YEARS? WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THIS EARLIER, YOU PINK-HAIRED—"_

"Augh! Put that down! You'll break it!"

::crash!::

"Too late."

* * *

Gohan and Videl had lunch together that day, under the same tree they had lunch under during Gohan's first day of school.

"—and Dende got permission to let him come back!" Gohan was explaining enthusiastically.

"Your green alien friend can bring people back from the dead?" Videl asked, skeptically.

"Uh huh."

"Let me guess, he does it by using his magic time room."

"I'm not making this up!" Gohan protested.

"Riiight," Videl said.

"You know, it kind of hurts my feelings that you don't believe me a lot of the time," Gohan said.

Videl was about to make a sarcastic comment, but she decided to relent. Gohan wasn't a bad person, after all.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just everything you tell me is so unbelievable. I never thought stuff like that could be real."

"You get used to it eventually," Gohan assured her. "I didn't expect my dad to come back, either. It's a great surprise, though, right?"

"Er, right," Videl said, looking at a leaf which had fallen from the tree. She briefly wondered if this Dende person could bring her mother back from the dead, too...

"So how was Goten yesterday?" Gohan asked.

"You mean, after you _forced_ him on me?" Videl asked.

Gohan grinned. "Yeah, sorry about that. I was kinda hoping you could watch him today, too..."

Videl frowned.

"And...all week? Until I'm out of detention?" Gohan gave his best _please please please_ smile.

"Can't your mom get a babysitter?" Videl asked.

"I can't tell Mom I got detention!" Gohan gasped.

"Of course you can't," Videl said, rolling her eyes. Gohan was such a momma's boy.

"Besides, Mom wouldn't like it if I told her you're watching Goten."

"Oh?" Videl asked. Maybe Gohan _wasn't_ such a momma's boy.

"Yeah, I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure Mom doesn't like you," Gohan said. "She says we spend too much time together."

"Well, _excuse_ me," Videl said. "I think _she's_ spending too much time with my dad. If she stays away from him, I'll stay away from you."

"You...you wouldn't _really_ stay away from me, though, right?" Gohan asked.

"Well..." Videl thought. "Not until you finish giving me those flying lessons, at any rate."


	10. A Fight at the Yogurt Store

After school that day, Videl let herself and Goten into her house, near the kitchen.

"So, can we train again?" Goten asked excitedly.

"We're going to train _every_ day," Videl said. "But not right away, okay? First, I've got homework I need to do."

"I drew a picture in school today, wanna see?" Goten asked.

"Sure," Videl said.

Goten rooted around in his backpack before pulling out the crumpled piece of paper. "It's a kangaroo!" he said.

"It kinda looks more like my dad," Videl said, looking at it.

"We learned all about kangaroos today!" Goten said excitedly. "They go hop hop hop like this! Hop! Hop! Hop!"

"Very exciting," Videl said. She noted that Goten still had a tail for some reason.

"And they're from Australia! And they carry babies in their tummies! And—"

Goten hopped around for five minutes, telling Videl everything he learned in kindergarten that day. Videl _tried_ to get some reading done, but it wasn't easy to focus on her book and Goten at the same time. Then, her watch started beeping.

_Not now. Please, not now, _Videl thought.

Videl pressed the button on her watch. "Hello?"

"Hello, Videl," the police chief said. "We need your help. There's a minor riot going on at the Fresh Yogurt store downtown."

"A riot at a yogurt store?" Videl asked. That was a new one.

"The owners called 911 two minutes ago, asking that we help take care of the problem. Apparently, a group of their customers got belligerent and started attacking people."

"Wait a minute," Videl said. "Fresh Yogurt...that's the place on West Street. The one that all the hippies go to."

"That's right," the police chief said.

"So you're saying that a group of hippies have started a riot in a yogurt store," Videl summarized.

"Exactly. The store owners specifically requested that you help solve the problem. They don't want any direct police involvement if they can help it."

Videl sighed. "I'll be there in ten minutes, I guess."

She pressed the button on her phone, and turned to Goten.

"Hey, Goten!"

"Yeah?"

"You wanna go get some yogurt?"

* * *

Videl and Goten made it to West Street in seven minutes. Across the street from the yogurt store were two police officers, watching the scene.

Videl asked them for a status report, even though it was pretty easy to tell what was going on. Even from across the street, she could hear loud chanting and angry-looking people with lots of hair and tie-dye shirts.

"Things are relatively stable so far," an officer said. "The hippies seem to be attacking anyone who goes near the store, but we've been warning people to stay away."

"I thought hippies were all into peace, gentleness and bad music," Videl said. "Why would they start a riot?"

The officer shrugged. "No one's told us. Who's the kid with you?"

"This is Goten, my little buddy," Videl said, putting her hand on Goten's shoulder.

"Hello, sir," Goten mumbled.

"Is that a...tail?"

Videl faked a laugh. "Goten's pretending to be a monkey right now," she said.

"I like animals," Goten said.

"We'll look after him for you," the officer said.

"No way! I wanna see Videl be a superhero!" Goten protested.

"The kid's coming with me," Videl said.

"Are you sure that's safe?" the officer asked.

"Trust me," Videl said. "He'll be fine."

* * *

The doors to the yogurt store slammed open. Videl and Goten stood there in the doorway. Videl had her hands on her hips, in a "take no prisoners" stance. Goten tried to do a cool superhero move, too, but all he could think of doing was a thumbs-up with both thumbs and his tail.

"All right, what's the big fuss about?" Videl said, in her most business-like tone.

People all around her started yelling. Something about high prices, discontinued flavors, and the store being out of napkins. It was obvious that calm discussion wouldn't work in this situation.

"You're making a disturbance," Videl said. "I'll have to ask you to go back to your homes, quietly."

"NO!" everyone shouted.

Someone threw a punch at Videl, but she was able to dodge and hit him with an uppercut. Seeing this, the hippies all immediately jumped into fighting stances.

"Wha—what?" Videl said. "You know how to fight?'

"We do Tai Chi," one of the hippies said. "You don't have a chance. There's thirty of us and one of you."

"Two!" Goten said, trying to be brave. His tail wrapped tightly around his leg, though, because he was scared. He had never been in a fight with _mean_ people before...

"Well, you said you wanted to train today," Videl said to Goten. "Here's your chance! Heeeeeeya!"

Videl lunged forward at the nearest hippie, and they all attacked at once. Videl might be a tough fighter, but getting tackled by fifteen people simultaneously is not the sort of attack you can just shrug off. She collapsed under the weight of the hippies and hair.

The three hippies who had gone after Goten were now lying on the ground, eyes rolling in dizziness.

"Videl! Shoot off your energy!" Goten suggested.

"...Not...helping..." Videl groaned as she moved her arms around, trying to get a firm grip on something. She managed to grab onto someone's arm, and yanked it to the side as hard as she could.

"Ow!" the person yelled.

"The big boom!" Goten said. "You know, rrrrwargh! Haaaa-ra!"

_Right, the energy wave attack,_ Videl thought, figuring out what Goten was talking about. She focused her energy inside herself for a brief second, but instead of holding it in and gathering as much energy as possible, she immediately let it burst out in all directions. This pushed all the hippies away from her, flinging them backwards like rag dolls.

It was an impressive move by human standards. Plus, Videl didn't fall down this time! Definitely a success.

_Yeah, that works a lot better when I just shoot off a little bit of energy,_ Videl thought. _Good._

"What the? How did she..."

"...Do that?" a hippie asked. "I dunno!"

"She attacked all of us at once!" another hippie said.

Videl assumed a defensive pose. "Last chance. Are you going to leave quietly, or do you want some more punishment?"

Some of the hippies were in favor of leaving, but the braver ones wanted another chance. One jumped at Videl with a strange twirling jump kick which she was able to duck underneath. She put her hands out and turned the attacker sideways, so he ended up crashing into another hippie.

A third hippie started throwing some dangerous-looking punches, but she tripped over her own hair before she could get close enough to attack Videl.

Goten jumped at the fourth attacker and punched him in the face.

"Goten! Behind you!" Videl warned.

Without turning around to look, Goten used his tail to slap his attacker on the face. The attacker grabbed his cheek and howled in pain.

"Ow!" Goten said, rubbing his tail.

_Looks like that tail is more useful than I thought..._ Videl thought.

"Ungroovy! Let's get out of here!" one of the hippies cried.

"Yeah, I didn't like the yogurt here, anyway!"

"I'm going back to college!"

"Dude, that kid has a tail!"

"Does anyone have change for a twenty?"

The hippies all ran out of the yogurt store, right into the policemen who arrested them for disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, and walking around barefoot instead of obeying the "no shoes, no shirt, no service" rule.

In celebration, Videl gave Goten a superhero high-five (which is just like a normal high-five, only more super).

"Thank you so much for saving us!" the yogurt shop owner cried.

"All in a day's work," Videl said.

"Helping other people is fun!" Goten said.

"I have to reward you somehow!" the yogurt shop owner said. "I know, how about some free yogurt? As much as you want!"

_"As much as I want?"_ Goten asked excitedly. He ran to the counter and started pointing out various yogurt containers. "I want the green one, and the brown one, and ooo! The red one! And—"

The store owner laughed. "You want a cone from each of the yogurt tubs?"

"Huh?" Goten said. "No, I want the whole tub!"

The store owner fell over.

* * *

"I can't believe you ate five gallons of yogurt," Videl told Goten as the two of them left the store.

"It was goooood," Goten said. "Now I know why you're a superhero! It's awesome!"

"You're not so bad yourself," Videl said, inwardly blushing at Goten's superhero comment. The kid really seemed to idolize her. It was quite the compliment.

"I liked when you went pow! And bam! And whap!" Goten said, acting out all of Videl's attacks.

"I liked the energy wave attack," Videl said. "It works great."

"That's not really an attack," Goten said. "You're supposed to do a lot of energy waves so you can be glowy. But doing one works, too!"

"...Right," Videl said. He might be cute, but sometimes that kid was hard to understand.

* * *

Hercule was getting some orange juice from the kitchen when he saw a piece of paper on the floor. Curious, he picked it up.

It was the picture of a kangaroo that Goten had drawn in class that day.

"Hey, it's a picture of me!" Hercule said. "I should put this on our refrigerator!"

Then he noticed the signature on the picture.

"Goten Son," Hercule read. "Wow, I guess that means the kid really likes me! And he gets along so well with Videl, too! He'll make a great stepchild!"

"Wait, stepchild? Chi-Chi and I aren't...we're not..."

"AUGH! I keep blurting out dumb stuff like that! I'm gonna get in trouble some day, if I'm with Chi-Chi and I tell her I think she has the shiniest hair I've seen since—augh! No! Bad Hercule! You can't think that way about your PTA buddy!"

"Maybe she'd like to carpool with me to the next PTA meeting..."

"Wait, do they even _have_ a PTA at Orange Star?"

"Oh, I hate romance! This stuff is too hard! I should just follow that no dating rule I gave to Videl, and that'd make things a lot simpler!"

* * *

Chi-Chi was practicing her punches in the backyard. In one short month, she and Goku would be fighting each other in a World Martial Arts Tournament, just like the day they got married! Oh, it would be so romantic!

She wanted to tell her sons the story of how she and Goku fell in love (again), but they hadn't come home from school yet.

_Where are those boys, anyway? They should be home by now. Gohan better not be spending more time with that devil girl!_

Unfortunately, Videl and Chi-Chi had gotten off on the wrong foot, and Chi-Chi still hadn't gotten used to the idea of Videl being anything else besides a sneaky girl who was obsessed with finding out the Son family secrets.

_Hercule is nice enough, but his daughter? Ugh! Why can't that girl mind her own business? She's probably a bad influence on Gohan!_

Chi-Chi started punching harder.

_Plus, what's all this garbage I hear about her fighting criminals? Is she **crazy**? That's not something a normal teenager does for fun! She could get killed!_

Chi-Chi did a few kicks, then wiped off her forehead.

_I should look into finding some proper teenagers for my son to hang out with..._

* * *

That night, Vegeta roamed the city restlessly. Bulma had kicked him out of the house as punishment for attacking Videl, and so he had nothing to do except sulk.

_I should have killed that girl when I had the chance,_ Vegeta thought. _It would have been worth it to see the look on Gohan's face when I killed his mate._

Vegeta wouldn't have _really_ killed Videl the first time he met her, though. He was the sort of man who liked to play with his food before he ate it. And speaking of playing...

Vegeta took to the air and flew towards Hercule City. It was time to see this girl again and get revenge on her for ruining his night of training. Not that he really _needed_ to train because he was already the strongest being in several universes, but it was the principle of the thing.

Vegeta was able to locate Videl easily enough. Next to the Son House, the people in the Satan Mansion had the highest power levels in town. Besides, it was kind of hard to miss the Satan Mansion. It was the largest, gaudiest building in town.

A normal person might have knocked on the front door, but Vegeta simply flew up to the room where Videl was and smashed the window.

"AUGH!" Videl screamed.

Vegeta flew into the room at an angle in order to make it through the window. "Hello there," he sneered.

"You—you—pervert!" Videl said. It was the only thing she could think of saying to the strange man who broke into her bedroom and was seeing her in her pajamas.

Vegeta grinned. "Don't worry, I'm not interested in you in _that _way. Small, annoying girls aren't my type."

"Get out of my house NOW," Videl commanded.

"In a moment," Vegeta said. "You've interfered with my life one too many times, Girly. If you don't stop, I'll _make_ you stop."

"How can I interfere with your life?" Videl asked, grinding her teeth while trying to think of a way to call the police without this creep knowing. "I don't even know your _name_."

"I am Vegeta, the Prince of all Saiyans," Vegeta announced. He had the habit of saying that at every possible opportunity.

"Blah blah blah, aliens with monkey tails," Videl said. "Gohan told me the whole story. It's nothing to get all high and mighty about."

Too quickly for Videl to dodge, Vegeta grabbed her by the collar. "That _Gohan_ is a weakling compared to me," he said. "I am going to kill him at the tournament. And if you cross me again, I'll kill you, too."

At these words, Videl immediately thought of the "no killing" rule that was in place at the World Martial Arts Tournament, but something told her now was not the best time to mention it.

Vegeta tightened his grip, and the front of Videl's pajamas started to rip. That was when she began to be seriously afraid that she would get raped or killed or both.

"Don't mess with me, or you're dead," Vegeta growled. He flicked his wrist and flung her backwards towards the wall, although she didn't slam into the wall itself.

Videl didn't respond. She just covered herself defensively while glaring at Vegeta.

"I'll give you one fair chance," Vegeta said. "The tournament. You're entering, right? Defeat me in the tournament, and I'll never bother you again. If I defeat _you_ in the tournament, you never bother _me_ again. Fair enough?"

Vegeta liked the technique of telling people when he'd attack them ahead of time, just like he did when he and Nappa first came to Earth. It gave his enemies more time to despair, and it made victory all the sweeter if his foes had uselessly tried to train their little hears out.

"Don't use your freaky alien superpowers, and you've got a deal," Videl said.

Vegeta laughed. "I don't need my powers to defeat a weakling like you," he said. "See you in the fight, Girly."

He lifted up his hand and blew a hole through the wall. Videl jumped instinctively.

_God, I love doing that_, Vegeta thought.


	11. Arguments and Trouble

Yes, Vegeta was the proud Saiyan Prince. The strongest warrior in the universe. No one ever told him what to do and got away with it.

"Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "Get down here right now before I bash your head in!"

...Well, _mostly_ no one.

"What is it, woman?"

"You were supposed to take your son to the movies today!" Bulma yelled, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Trunks had to call me so I could take him instead! I had to miss a whole meeting to do _your_ job! Where were you?"

"I was busy," Vegeta said.

"Doing _what?_ You don't have a job, you don't have any responsibilities, all you do is sit around and watch soap operas all day long!"

_"That was __**one time**__ and you know it!"_ Vegeta snapped.

"Bull! I've seen the TV bill! You watch every day!"

"What the hell is a bill?" Vegeta asked.

"Never mind," Bulma said. "Look, I don't ask much from you, okay? So when I ask you to do something simple like watch your son, I expect you to _do it!_"

Vegeta grunted. "Yes, ma'am," he said in a sarcastic voice.

"That's better," Bulma said.

Okay, so _maybe_ Vegeta didn't live the life of a high-and-mighty prince. He had settled down a bit and started a family. And as rewarding as that was, it really didn't compare to the excitement of the times when he would be fighting for his life every single day.

So you really can't blame him if he went out and threatened to kill someone every once in a while. It helped relieve the boredom a little.

* * *

"He blew a hole in the wall?" Hercule asked, shocked. "What do you mean, _he blew a hole in the wall?_ He had a bomb or something?"

"He did it like this," Videl said. She stretched out her arm like Vegeta did and focused her energy outside of her hand to make an energy ball appear. She tried to shoot it out like she had seen done a few times before, but she did it wrong, and the energy ball exploded in her hand.

"Ow!" she cried, drawing her hand back instinctively.

"You mean it was one of those _tricks!_" Hercule said. "He used a bomb and a remote control and—wait, how'd you do that?"

"Um..."

"That scrawny little runt has been teaching you alien tricks, hasn't he?" Hercule said, jumping up and down. "That does it! As of right now, we are going to have nothing more to do with those evil aliens! It is far too dangerous, and we could get hurt!"

"You're serious?" Videl asked. "Never see the Sons again? What about Chi-Chi?"

"Well, uh, Chi-Chi's not an alien, so it should be okay if I still met with her, and—"

"Da-ad!" Videl said. "You can't have a crush on my friend's mom! That's so gross!"

"I don't have a crush on her!" Hercule said. "Why, the only thing _I_ crush is the heads of my opponents! 'Cause I'm the World Martial Arts Champion and—"

"—Hero Who Saved The World From Cell, I know," Videl said. "I've heard it a thousand times. Do I have to remind you that you _didn't _kill Cell?"

"Shhh! Don't say that too loud! Someone could overhear!"

"There's no one here but us!" Videl said. "We're in my bedroom, for crying out loud!"

"Uh, right, right," Hercule said. He coughed discretely. "Anyway, Videl, I'm worried about you. This kind of alien stuff is way out of our league. You should stop before you get in over your head."

"Don't worry," Videl said. "Gohan's teaching me how to fight these guys."

"Hey, yeah! That Gohan kid! He can help us! He defeated Cell! I'm sure he can defeat this Vuhgeema guy!" Hercule said. "After all, he _does_ owe me, for being such a great role model and all that, and..."

Videl rolled her eyes. Her dad was such a goof sometimes.

* * *

Videl and Gohan had a serious conversation the next morning before school, after she accosted him and angrily told him what Vegeta did. Gohan seemed too unconcerned for Videl's tastes.

"Hey, you didn't get hurt, right? So that means everything's okay!" Gohan said.

"You don't get it! That jerk threatened to kill me!" Videl said.

"He does that fifty times a day," Gohan said. "It's no big deal, really! He hasn't killed anyone in the past ten years!"

"It's no big deal? An evil alien overlord threatened to kill me _and you,_ and you say it's no big deal."

"Don't worry, Videl," Gohan said, putting a protective hand on Videl's shoulder. "I'll save you from Vegeta."

This was the wrong thing to say.

"_Save me?_" Videl asked. "What, you think I'm some helpless little princess, and you're the big handsome prince, come to rescue me?"

"What? No!" Gohan said. "I'm not a prince! Vegeta is, remember? He says it about every five minutes, so I don't know how you'd forget..."

"Of course I remember!" Videl snapped. "That was just an expression!"

"I think you mean _metaphor_," Gohan corrected, remembering one of his grammar textbooks. "A metaphor is a comparison between two things—"

"Stuff it, Gohan!" Videl said, hitting him in the shoulder even though she knew it wouldn't hurt. "My life is in danger, and it's all your fault! And worse, you don't care! Dad's right; I shouldn't talk to you anymore!"

Videl marched away, leaving a very confused Gohan behind her.

* * *

"Gohan is _such_ an idiot sometimes," Videl complained as she plopped into her chair next to a daydreaming Erasa.

"What'd he do now?" Erasa asked. "Force you to watch his little brother again?"

"No, he just...I need his help right now, and he's too busy being useless," Videl said. "I wish he'd take me seriously for once."

Videl hated it when people didn't take her seriously. Half the people she met never took her seriously. They just thought of her as Hercule's Daughter, instead of as her own person. She tried to prove them wrong by fighting crime with the police, but it didn't work. They _still_ just called her Hercule's Daughter.

That was why she needed this. That was why she _needed_ to win the World Martial Arts Tournament: so she could finally step out from under the shadow cast by her father, the most famous man on Earth.

Unfortunately, no one but her seemed to think this was important.

"What, he thinks of you as his kid sister or something?" Erasa asked. "I could see that being a problem."

"What are you talking about?" Videl asked.

"You said Gohan wasn't taking you seriously," Erasa said. "What are _you_ talking about?"

"You're totally confusing me now," Videl said.

"No, look, you just said it!" Erasa said. "You want Gohan to take you seriously! Like...girlfriend serious, right?"

"What? No!" Videl said. "I didn't ask him out or anything like that! We just got in a fight, that's all."

"Oh," Erasa said. "Never mind. You and Gohan spend so much time together, I thought..."

"We don't spend _that_ much time together," Videl said, her cheeks getting slightly red. "Besides, you saw him in class the other day. He doesn't even know what a girlfriend _is_."

"So, teach him," Erasa said. "I tried, but it didn't work. I'm sure _you_ could do it, though!"

"No thanks," Videl said, leaning back in her chair. "I kinda like Gohan the way he is. It's nice to meet a guy who's not completely obsessed with sex, you know? Makes you wonder if that's the way things are supposed to be..."

Erasa shrugged.

* * *

Gohan looked morose as he went to his locker. The first person to notice was his classmate Sharpener. Now, Sharpener didn't want his new first baseman—as soon as he convinced Gohan to join the team—to feel down, so he decided it was his duty as team captain to help.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Sharpener said, slapping Gohan on the back.

"Hey, Sharpener," Gohan said. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just trying to figure out what she meant."

"Girl troubles, huh?" Sharpener said. "I know all about those, trust me. What happened?"

"Well, she got mad at me for not helping her, and one minute later, she got mad at me for trying to help her!" Gohan said. "Those are two opposite things! It's not logical!"

"Girls aren't always logical, my man," Sharpener said. "But I've been in this situation before. There was this girl who needed help studying for a big math test, but she was too ashamed to ask for a tutor. So you know what I did?"

"What?"

"I went over there and _told_ her that I was her tutor," Sharpener said. "No ifs, ands, or buts. I didn't give her a choice in the matter at all."

Technically, Sharpener's story wasn't true. What _really_ happened that he failed a math test, and his mother forced him to get a tutor, but that was less impressive than Sharpener's version of events.

"That doesn't sound very nice," Gohan said.

"No, see, it's perfect," Sharpener said. "Girls like guys who take control like that. Someone who can step in and take charge of any situation. Not someone who's just going to sit on the sidelines."

"Hey, yeah!" Gohan said, figuring that Sharpener was onto something.

"A real manly man," Sharpener said, flexing his muscles. "A guy who everyone looks up to. Someone who's not afraid to tell a girl what he wants!"

"Yeah, I'll tell Videl what to do right away!" Gohan said. "Thanks, Sharpener!"

Gohan ran off, but Sharpener kept talking because he was on a roll.

"Of course, the best way to show a girl that you're a real manly man is by joining some sort of sports team, like baseball, and—_VIDEL? GOHAAAAAAAAN!_"

* * *

Gohan stumbled into the classroom and went right up to Videl.

_Come on, be strong!_ Gohan thought.

"Videl!" he said forcefully.

"What?" she asked, in a mean voice.

Gohan immediately faltered. _This is—she's—_

"I..." Gohan said, his voice wavering.

"If you're trying to apologize, you can forget it," Videl said.

"Yeah, she's not talking to you right now," Erasa said. "Not until you take her more seriously."

"She's not taking _me_ seriously!" Gohan protested. "I told you, the situation with Vegeta is completely under control!"

"What's Vegeta?" Erasa asked. "Is that some sort of drug?"

"It is _not_ under control!" Videl said.

"I can handle Vegeta, trust me!" Gohan said.

"Drugs...out of control...oh my God, Gohan, are you a drug addict?" Erasa asked.

"NO!" Gohan shouted. "Look, Videl, I don't want to see you get hurt by Vegeta any more than you do."

"Oh my God, now _Videl_ is taking Vegeta?" Erasa asked.

"It's not a drug, Erasa. Chill out," Videl said. "What are you saying, Gohan?"

"I'm saying that I'm going to solve the problem myself! Because I'm a big manly man who takes control over any situation!" Gohan said, trying to flex his muscles like Sharpener did. "Yeah, that's it! I'm big and strong! Large and in charge!"

_Maybe Gohan __is__ taking drugs..._ Videl thought. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"I'm feeling great!" Gohan said. "I'm big and strong, and—"

"Maybe you should go to the nurse's office," Videl said.

Gohan's smile wavered. Things weren't going so well. "I'm...big and strong?"

Erasa patted Gohan's arm. "I'm sure you are, honey. Let's go get you to the nurse. She can help you with your drug problems."

"Aw, man!" Gohan said, slumping down in his chair. "It didn't work!"

"What didn't work?" Erasa asked.

"Sharpener's plan," Gohan muttered. "He said being a tough guy would impress Videl."

"What does _he_ know about impressing me?" Videl asked.

"You were trying to impress Videl?" Erasa asked, at the same time as Videl.

"Yeah, well, I didn't want to be mad at me anymore," Gohan said, deciding that, like his mother always said, honesty was the best policy. "I'm sorry for letting you down, Videl. As soon as school ends, I'll talk to Bulma and tell her to do something about Vegeta."

"Aw..." Erasa said. "That's sweet! He said he's sorry! You forgive him, right, Videl?"

"Hmmm," Videl grunted.

Erasa elbowed Videl as hard as she could.

"Yeah, I forgive you," Videl said. "I guess I was kind of a jerk, anyway."

Gohan was visibly relieved at making up with his best friend who wasn't a Z-Fighter. He was beginning to think high school was more trouble than it was worth, though.

Erasa slipped a note to Videl: _He tried to impress you._

_So? _Videl wrote back.

_He likes you._

_Duh._

* * *

Meanwhile, things were going badly for everyone's favorite world-saving, Cell-defeating, cape-wearing hero. Hercule had to have a serious talk with Chi-Chi about the situation with Vegeta. He knew she wouldn't like it, but his parenting instinct to protect Videl was stronger than any silly little crush he had on Chi-Chi.

(Not that he was admitting he had a crush on Chi-Chi.)

The worst part is that Chi-Chi wasn't making it easy for him. In fact, she had no clue what Hercule was so worked up about. And so, she was trying to calm him down by being sweet and kind and gentle. It's really hard to break up with someone who's acting extra-nice.

(Not that he was breaking up with her. Because they were never dating.)

Chi-Chi had already gotten Hercule a nice cup of green tea—he hated tea, but he couldn't refuse it—and forced him to sit down before saying anything else.

"Are you feeling better now?" she asked.

"Uh, um, sure," Hercule said, pretending to take a sip of his tea.

"Good," Chi-Chi smiled. "So what's the big fuss about?"

"It's um, uh, uh...it's about some Vegeema guy," Hercule asid.

"Vegeta," Chi-Chi corrected. Any news about her husband's arch-nemesis was bad news, as far as she was concerned. "What about him?"

"He came to our house last night," Hercule said.

"Why would he visit _you?_" Chi-Chi asked, slightly confused. "I mean, he doesn't know you."

"He came to our house last night," Hercule repeated, building up to the big news. "_And he threatened to kill my daughter!_"

"WHAT?" Chi-Chi shouted. "_He threatened Videl again?_"

"A...A...again?" Hercule asked, shocked by Chi-Chi's statement. "You mean, he's done it _before?_"

"Gohan said he went to their school last week," Chi-Chi explained. "Vegeta knocked her unconscious."

"And you didn't _tell_ me about this?" Hercule said, starting to get mad.

"I thought Videl would," Chi-Chi said, defending herself. "Clearly, I was wrong, but—"

"My daughter's safety is my top priority," Hercule said. "If you're keeping secrets about her..."

"I'mnot keep secrets!" Chi-Chi said. "Besides, you're one to talk, Mr. I Lied To The World About Cell!"

Now that Chi-Chi was angry and yelling like she normally did, it was easier for Hercule to get to the reason for his visit.

"I don't think Videl should associate with your sons anymore!" Hercule said. "You alien types are nothing but trouble! It's dangerous!"

"What do you mean, nothing but trouble?" Chi-Chi shouted. "Your _daughter_ is the troublemaker, not my Gohan! She's the only teenager I know who the police have on speed dial!"

"She's helping to make the world a better place!" Hercule said. "Unlike you guys who fight all the time and threaten to kill people every two seconds!"

"Well, _FINE_, if you think we're so bad, you can just GO AWAY!" Chi-Chi shouted. "I don't need to deal with you, you big-haired, egomaniac, lying—"

"My hair is perfectly fine! If you want to see crazy hair, look at your sons!"

"_Get out of my house!_" Chi-Chi yelled.

"_It's my house! I own it!_" Hercule shouted. "_And if you don't watch out, I'll evict you!_"

"_Just try, and I'll break every bone in your body!_"

...So, yes, things were not going well for Hercule that morning. But on a positive note, he no longer had to worry about kind-of-maybe having a crush on Chi-Chi. She would probably send him to the hospital if he asked her out on a date.


	12. Banned from the Tournament

Once again, Videl and Goten did their training in the basement gym after school. Videl was getting rather good for a beginner. She could now make energy balls appear in her hands whenever she wanted to, thanks to Goten's advice to only use a little bit of energy; Videl's instinct had been to use all of her energy while fighting.

Goten's training was going well, too. His form was much more unified now, and Videl was pretty sure that Goten could make it to the semi-finals in the adult division, especially if he used the Gold Fighter transformation which Videl still couldn't do.

Trouble came during their break time. At least, it was a break for Videl. Goten didn't seem to need a break; in fact, he never seemed to run out of energy. So for Goten, it was snack time, not break time.

...But whether it was snack time or break time doesn't matter. What matters is that they met Hercule in the kitchen there.

"Hey, what is _he_ doing here?" Hercule asked, pointing an accusing finger at Goten.

"Hi, Mr. Hercules!" Goten said, smiling. Goten liked Videl's Daddy. He was silly. Goten hoped his own dad would be silly, too.

"I'm baby-sitting him this week," Videl said. "Don't tell me you didn't figure that out yet. He's been with me after school for the past few days."

"Yeah, but he's one of those alien monsters!" Hercule said. "I told you to stay away from them before you get hurt!"

"Goten's just a little kid," Videl said. "He's can't hurt anyone." She knew that wasn't exactly true, but it was true enough.

"He won't be so harmless when he grows up and tries to take over the world!" Hercule said. "Then he'll threaten to crush your skull and break your heart into a million tiny pieces! Ohhh, the pain! You've gotta stay away!"

Videl was unfazed by this sudden outburst. "Dad, you're acting weirder than normal," she said.

"I'm just saying that we shouldn't have anything to do with these guys in the future," Hercule said. "If it'll protect you from the Vegeta monster, I say we do it. Plus, it'd make our lives a whole lot easier."

"I appreciate your concern, but Goten is _six_," Videl said. "What harm can he do?"

Needless to say, Goten wasn't listening to their conversation about him, or else he would have said something. Instead, Goten was busy trying to get some apple juice from the large fridge. It was tough because the doors were so much bigger than he was. Even when he pulled, it wouldn't open.

"It's stuck!" he said.

Goten pulled his hardest, and accidentally ripped the door off its hinges.

"Oops," he said. Then he threw the door aside and got his juice.

"AAAAA!" Hercule screamed at seeing his fridge get destroyed. "He just—he broke—"

"On second thought, you have a point," Videl said. "I'll take him back home to his mother."

"That's my girl!" Hercule said.

And so Videl's adventures in baby-sitting Goten ended earlier than she expected.

* * *

Gohan was bored. His homeroom teacher was in charge of detention that day, and his detention policy was absolute silence for an entire hour. This was supposed to teach the troublemaking students how to behave.

Okay, really, Mr. Brown made the kids be quiet for an hour so he could easily read his newest book (Owning a Talking Cat) and update his Facebook status (Mr. Brown – is reading Owning a Talking Cat) whenever he wanted to. But it also taught the kids how to behave.

Gohan knew how to behave perfectly fine, so he was bored. He had already finished all his homework, and there was still forty minutes of sitting in silence to go.

To pass the time, Gohan tried drawing a picture on one of his pieces of paper. It was a picture of him as the Gold Fighter saving the town from a dinosaur attack. Everyone was cheering for him, including Videl.

To be honest, it looked more like Frieza than Videl. Gohan wasn't a very good artist.

Gohan had no idea why Vegeta had it out for Videl, but he knew he could figure it out. Or at least, Bulma could. As soon as he got free time, he was going to go to Capsule Corp. and talk to Bulma. And do training for the World Martial Arts Tournament. And give Videl some flying lessons.

...Stupid detention, ruining Gohan's schedule. Good thing tomorrow was the last day of detention.

Gohan was semi-determined to train as hard as he could. He didn't like fighting, but his dad always said that fighting was necessary to protect the people you care about.

And Gohan cared about Videl. She was his best friend, probably the first friend he had ever had who was the same age as him (if you don't count Dende). She was a very nice person—kind of—and no matter what Chi-Chi said, Gohan was sure Videl was trustworthy.

Actually, the only real problem he had with Videl was the fact that she refused to let him do the Gold Fighter dance in public. It was a _very_ cool dance, and the "go-go-go-Gold Fighter" chant was really, really original! But for some reason, Videl said "no". She had even gone so far as to tell him that the Gold Fighter was not really a superhero, can you imagine?

Clearly, he was going to have to show her the dance again. She must not have been paying attention when he was dancing, because no one could see that dance and _not_ want to see it performed over and over and over again.

**Disclaimer:** _Gohan's views and opinions about his dance moves do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the author, fanfiction dot net , or Akira Toriyama._

But besides from Videl's crazy ideas about dancing, she was a pretty good friend, in Gohan's opinion.

* * *

::Ding dong::

"I'll get it!" Hercule said.

Hercule went to the front door, muttering about how he needed a butler. One with a spiffy bow tie and a top hat. Perhaps a purple bow tie and a dark blue top hat. That would look really fancy.

Alas, waiting for Hercule on the doorstep was not a smartly-dressed butler. It was our hero Gohan, come by to pick up his little brother.

"Hello, Mr. Hercule," Gohan said. "How are you today?

"YOU!" Hercule said, instantly jumping up and down and screaming like a seizure victim. "How _dare_ you show your face here? I thought I told you never to come by our house again!"

"What?" Gohan asked.

"No no no no no! Leave here forever! You're not welcome in our house!" Hercule said firmly.

"Why not?" Gohan asked.

"Why not? _Why not?_ BECAUSE! You break all three rules on the list!"

Hercule whipped out a piece of paper, containing a list of rules he had made up years ago when Videl first became a teenager.

_Rule #1: No boys are allowed to see Videl.  
Rule #2: Especially not any pervert, creeper boys.  
Rule #3: And no muscle-headed jerks either!_

"As you can see, you break all three rules, and it's three strikes, _you're out!_" Hercule said.

"Do you always carry this list around in your pocket?" Gohan wondered.

"Out! Out! Out!" Hercule said, stamping his foot. "You can't see my precious, innocent daughter, you big galoot!"

"But I'm not even here to see Videl," Gohan said. "I just came by to pick up my little brother."

"Oh," Hercule said. "I sent Goten home an hour ago. He was breaking Rule #1, the little sneak!"

"Goten's not a sneak," Gohan said, defending his brother. Hercule wasn't listening, however.

"Besides, the Satan Family isn't talking to the Son Family anymore," Hercule said, crossing his arms in a haughty manner. "Not until Chi-Chi apologizes for yelling at me and admits that I was right."

Hercule's demands were rather unlikely. As a matter of fact, Chi-Chi had never apologized for yelling at anyone in her entire life. And she yelled at people approximately ten times a day.

"You got in a fight with my mom?" Gohan asked. "What about?"

"None of your business, that's what it was about," Hercule said—which was his way of saying he couldn't be bothered to remember at that moment. "Now get out of here before I call security!"

"Dad, is that Gohan?" Videl called from the other room.

"Yes, I mean, NO!" Hercule shouted. "Gohan's not allowed to—"

"It _is_ Gohan," Videl said, walking into the area where the front door was. "I thought I heard your voice. What are you doing here?"

"I came to show you my Gold Fighter Dance Moves!" Gohan said.

"Dance moves?" Hercule said.

"Ugh, not again," Videl said. "I told you, the Gold Fighter isn't a real superhero. You can't—"

"_Rock and roll!_" Gohan cried, pointing his index finger up to the sky. He then started doing his own personsl version of the moonwalk, which included a lot of twirling. Of course, Gohan was dancing while humming his favorite tune, Yankee Doodle.

A stunned silence met Gohan's dance routine.

"...If you don't leave my house right now, I'm calling the police," Hercule said.

"Yeah, you should never dance again," Videl said. "It's horrible."

"Oh, come on!" Gohan said. "It's really cool and—"

"Sorry, Gohan," Videl said. "But it's true."

"That was the worst thing I've ever seen," Hercule said. "Thank God we're never going to deal with your family again."

* * *

Gohan went back home, depressed. Nobody seemed to like his dance moves at all, not even his friends. At this rate, he'd _never_ get the lead in the Winter Musical! Thoughts like these filled Gohan's head and weighed him down so that he didn't even realize something was Wrong with a capital W.

What was Wrong? Chi-Chi answered the door with Goten. In other words, the jig was up.

"Hello, Gohan," she said, coldly. "Why didn't you take your brother home from school today?"

"I—I—" Gohan said.

"You're supposed to take your brother home from school every day!" Chi-Chi snapped. "And Goten says that evil demon witch girl has been watching him all week!"

Goten was upset at this unprovoked attack against his newest idol. "Videl is cool!" he said. "She's a real superhero! Not like Gohan."

Gohan almost cried. Even _Goten_ didn't think the Gold Fighter was a real superhero?

"That evil girl and her crazy father are both _banned_ from this house!" Chi-Chi said. "From now on, none of us are ever going to have _anything_ to do with them! Not until that idiot apologizes for yelling at me and admits that I'm right!"

"Right about what?" Gohan asked.

"_EVERYTHING!_" Chi-Chi yelled. "Now, you'd better tell me where you've been all week _right now_, or I'll pull you out of school again!"

Gohan hung his head low. "I had detention," he said.

"DETENTION! DETENTION! **DETENTION!**"

Chi-Chi ran around the house for several minutes after that, alternating between threats to kill Gohan and tears over how her son was now a delinquent. If the director of Vegeta's favorite soap opera had been there, he would have immediately signed Chi-Chi for a lifetime contract.

It took Chi-Chi a while to come up with a suitable punishment. She couldn't move back to the woods—she didn't want to do that. She couldn't ban Gohan from seeing Videl, because she already did that. There was only one other punishment she could think of.

"You're banned from entering the World Martial Arts Tournament now," Chi-Chi said.

"B-b-b-_banned?_ You can't do that!"

"I sure can," Chi-Chi said. "You're underage, so you need your parent's permission to enter."

"I'm not underage! I'm eighteen!" Gohan protested. "A legal adult!"

"Too bad that the year you spent in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber doesn't count," Chi-Chi said. "As far as the law is concerned, you're still seventeen, which means you need me to sign this permission form."

Chi-Chi made a big show of ripping the permission form into little pieces.

"You're getting off easy, considering that you got detention for a week and then _lied_ to me in order to hide it," Chi-Chi said. "If you ever do anything like that again, I'll send you straight to military school."

* * *

"_Banned?_" Videl asked. "What do you mean, banned from entering the tournament?"

"Just what it sounds like," Gohan said. "Mom ripped up the permission form."

"That's really harsh," Videl said, because she was a very sensitive and sympathetic person who cared dearly about what happened to her soulmate, Gohan.

Okay, not really. Videl was two seconds away from jumping onto her desk and doing cartwheels while singing. Gohan banned from the tournament? That was great! Her chances of becoming the new world champ just tripled! It was too bad that Gohan had to suffer, but who cared? Videl was going to win! Win win win win WIN!

Finally, her dad would be forced to _stop_ those constant "I am the World Champ!" speeches that annoyed her so much.

"Yeah," Gohan said. "I should have told her the truth from the beginning. I'm a horrible son."

Gohan looked so bummed that Videl felt guilty. Her friend was suffering, and she was enjoying it. Surely, there was _something_ she could do to help Gohan...

It took her six seconds to come up with a feasible plan. She knew she would regret it, but she couldn't stand seeing Gohan so sad.

"Look," Videl sighed. "Gohan Son might be banned from the tournament, but...the Gold Fighter isn't."

"The Gold Fighter?" Gohan asked. "What do—?"

"You could easily enter the tournament as the Gold Fighter," Videl said. "Your mom won't be able to stop you if you do that."

"Are you saying the Gold Fighter is a legitimate superhero?" Gohan asked.

"Definitely," Videl lied. "The only reason I said otherwise is because I was jealous of your cool dance moves."

Gohan hugged her. "You're the best friend ever, Videl," he said.

_I'm such an idiot_, Videl thought.


	13. Getting a Costume for Gohan, Training

**Author's Note: **You know, all this talk about Gohan's dancing moves reminds me of another story I wrote, _The Hercule City Grand Dance-Off_, in which Hercule challenges Saiyaman to a dance contest. The idea is that Hercule thinks it'd be easier to outdance Saiyaman than to fight him in the World Martial Arts Tournament.

And that makes me wonder...what was Hercule's reaction to hearing the Great Saiyaman was in the World Martial Arts Tournament? Surely, Hercule heard about the flying, incredibly-strong superhero at one point or another.

Then again, maybe Hercule didn't even look at the list of competitors in the tournament. If he did, he would have recognized Goku's name on it and started freaking out. After all, he freaked out when he saw that one of the Junior Champions, Goten, _looked_ like Goku.

Or maybe he just freaked out because he was hungry for lunch. Hercule kind of freaks out a lot.

In any case, it looks like I've reached the obligatory "Gohan gets a costume from Bulma" chapter. But since I'm tired of reading those chapters in other stories, I think I'll switch things up by sending Videl instead. Gotta keep things fresh, you know.

* * *

Of course, if Gohan was going to enter the World Martial Arts Tournament as the Gold Fighter, he was going to need a disguise so Chi-Chi didn't recognize him. Clearly, he'd have to stop by Bulma's to get a superhero costume.

Only Gohan couldn't go because he still had one day of detention and Chi-Chi grounded him.

So Gohan sent Videl, his new BFF, to get a costume instead. Videl would have complained about being given chores to do, but since the whole Gold Fighter in the World Martial Arts Tournament thing was her idea, complaining would have sounded bad.

Besides, this was a good excuse to go shopping.

Videl scoured the mall in search of a good superhero outfit, but the closest thing she could find to a Gold Fighter costume was a pair of bright yellow sweats with silver sparkles all over it. It was pretty much the most hideous piece of clothing ever. Needless to say, Gohan would have loved it, but there was no way Videl would ever be seen buying such a monstrosity, so it was left in the store.

_Okay, this whole "costume" thing isn't working too well. Maybe he just needs a disguise. After all, he __can__ turn his hair blonde. That's enough of a disguise, right?_

Videl played with a pair of large sunglasses which would cover most of Gohan's face. Ideally, she would get some sort of visor to cover his entire head, but headgear isn't allowed at the World Martial Arts Tournament. Maybe a turban would work?

Oh, who was she kidding? If Gohan was going to fight against his _mother_ in the tournament, this disguise had to be absolutely perfect, something you couldn't find in a store. No, Videl figured she was going to have to visit the custom designer whose address Gohan gave her.

And as Videl flew her jet copter, she wondered about the weird situation she was in.

Telling Gohan his dance moves were cool was probably the biggest lie she had ever told, even bigger than the one she told about her history paper. Then she _agreed_ to help Gohan enter the tournament! What was up with that? Didn't she know that she would never win the tournament if Gohan was in it? Why on Earth would she do something so stupid?

Did she like him?

_Well, yes, I like him; he's my friend_, Videl thought. _Plus, I owe him one_. _He saved me from that maniac._

Videl thought it was kind of amazing that Gohan saved her. She was used to saving other people, thanks to her work with the police. She wasn't used to being saved herself.

_It's no wonder I'm so popular, if this is what it feels like..._

Gohan was kind of a mystery to Videl. It was almost like there were two Gohans. One was the expert fighter who had all sorts of adventures in outer space, and the other was a nerdy momma's boy. If only Videl could figure out a way to bring out Cool Gohan a little more often, then he might be...well, maybe not _boyfriend_ material, but at least—

"Destination is on the left," Videl's GPS said, interrupting her thoughts.

"No way," Videl said. "This is _not_ a custom designer shop."

She was at Capsule Corporation, the company that made the jet copter she was now flying in.

"This has _got_ to be the wrong place," Videl said. She double-checked the address, but no, it was right.

Feeling like an idiot, Videl went up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

"Mo-om! There's somebody at the door!" a voice from inside called.

"I'm busy right now, Trunks! Have your father get it!"

"Not until the next commercial break! Shane is about to propose to Kimberly!"

"_Turn off your crappy soap opera and answer the dang door!_"

"_It's not crappy! This is engaging television! Trunks, __**you**__ answer the door!_"

The door opened and a surly-looking young kid with a green shirt stood in the doorway. "Yeah, whaddaya want?" he asked.

"Um, hi, I'm Videl Satan," Videl said. "I came here because Gohan Son said it was—"

"Hey, I know you," Trunks interrupted. Having Vegeta for a dad did not work wonders for Trunks' manners. "You're that girl Goten wouldn't shut up about when I called him yesterday."

"You know Goten?" Videl asked.

"Who is it, Trunks?" a female voice called from another room.

"It's Goten's girlfriend, Mom!" Trunks called.

Trunks gave Videl a suspicious look. Goten said this girl was the coolest person in Hercule City. Well, she didn't _look_ very cool. Trunks figured he could beat her up real easy. That'd show Goten who was _really_ the coolest person ever.

Videl returned the evil glare to Trunks. Something about the little kid irked her, but she wasn't sure what.

"Goten's _what?_" Bulma asked, walking down the hall to the front door. "Goten's too young for that sort of—oh." Bulma stopped when came into view of the entranceway and saw Videl. "You must mean _Gohan's_ girlfriend," she corrected Trunks.

Videl felt slightly dizzy. "I'm not anybody's girlfriend," she said defensively. "Dad doesn't allow that sort of thing..." she mumbled off into silence.

Bulma seemed almost as embarrassed as Videl was. "Sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to say that—you—who are you?"

"I'm Videl Satan," Videl said. "Gohan and I are in the same class together."

"Oh, you're Gohan's friend!" Bulma said. "Chi-Chi told me about you! Your family helped them move out of the woods, right? I've been telling her for years that she needs to experience civilization, but she never listened to me. Come in, sit down! Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water would be fine," Videl said. She was kind of off-put by Bulma's sudden hospitality.

"Chi-Chi also told me about what Vegeta did," Bulma said. "I swear, that man can be such an animal sometimes! I hope he didn't hurt you."

"Well...I'm all better now," Videl said hesitantly. How did this woman know Vegeta again?

"VEGETA! GET IN HERE AND APOLOGIZE!" Bulma shouted.

"A Saiyan never apologizes!" Vegeta called back.

"He does if he wants to have dinner tonight!" Bulma cried.

"Vegeta _lives_ here?" Videl asked.

"He's my husband of sorts," Bulma said.

Videl's jaw dropped. How could _anyone_ marry the crazy alien monster who almost...?

Vegeta walked into the room, surly as usual. "What do you want, woman? I swear, if—_you!_" he cried, seeing Videl. Videl shuddered involuntarily. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"She's here to—"

"What, didn't enjoy ruining my life twice already?" Vegeta snarled. Videl dodged to the left, so there was something in between her and Vegeta. "Thought you'd try for a third time? Or do you just have a death wish? Either way, you're—"

"Vegeta, _you do not talk to our guests that way!_" Bulma shouted. "You're scaring the poor girl! Apologize!"

"I will not apologize to the monster who had me thrown in prison!"

"Prison?" Videl asked.

"You are incorrigible!" Bulma said. "Apologize _now_, or it's no food for a week!"

Vegeta growled loudly and disappeared. Videl gasped.

"He'll be back," Bulma said. "Around dinnertime, I bet. I'm sorry for him—why, what's wrong?"

Videl shuddered again. "I don't like him. I _really_ don't like him."

* * *

With some coaxing, Bulma was able to get the story out of Videl. Apparently, Vegeta had traumatized the poor girl by breaking into her room late at night.

"I swear to God, I'm going to kill him," Bulma said. "I don't care _how_ things were on his planet growing up. That's unforgivable."

"But...he can't be stopped," Videl said. That was what scared her most of all. Vegeta was too strong for anyone to hurt him, even Gohan.

Bulma winked. "You don't think I've lived with Vegeta for seven years without learning a trick or two?" she said. She took off her watch and tossed it at Videl. "Here, have this."

"A watch?" Videl asked.

"Not just any watch," Bulma said. "Press the blue button on the side, and it gives out anti-blutz waves."

"What?" Videl asked.

"It's sort of like Saiyan repellent," Bulma said. "It makes them weaker. That's how I've been able to control Vegeta all this time."

Videl stared at the watch while turning it around. It couldn't _really_ make aliens weaker, could it?

"Th...thanks," Videl said.

"Test it out on Gohan if you don't believe me," Bulma said.

"I believe you...I guess," Videl said, pocketing the watch. She would _definitely_ try it out later.

"I think I'll send Vegeta overseas for a few weeks, just to be safe," Bulma said. She owned a few dozen landfills in other countries. Occasionally, she sent Vegeta to the landfills to blow up the garbage with energy blasts. It got rid of all the trash, caused no damage to the environment, and was completely free. Plus, it was a good excuse to get Vegeta out of everyone's hair once in a while.

Videl was immensely relieved.

* * *

That night, Videl was lying on her side on Gohan's bed. She was playing with a pigtail with one hand while she watched Gohan.

"So, I press the button and it works?" Gohan asked.

"I think so," Videl said. "Try it out."

Gohan pressed the button and his costume snapped on. It was a hideous combination of green and red; presumably, Bulma was trying to make it so no one would want to look at Gohan for very long. The suit came with a lot of padding, especially around the stomach.

"I look fat," Gohan said.

"That's the idea," Videl said. "You're disguised as a fat guy. Your mom will never know."

"I'm having second thoughts about this..." Gohan said. "If Mom finds out, she'll..."

"Don't be such a wuss, Gohan," Videl ordered.

Gohan gulped and nodded. "R-right," he said.

Videl sat upwards. "No offense, but why are you so scared of your mom?" she asked. "You're like the strongest person in the world. Shouldn't that mean you're not scared of anything?"

"I dunno," Gohan said, shrugging while he pushed the button on his watch again. "Being strong and not being scared are two different things, I guess."

Videl didn't think that made a lot of sense, but she didn't feel like arguing the point.

Gohan sat down besides Videl. "Besides, I don't _always_ do what Mom says, right? I'm entering the World Martial Arts Tournament even though she said not to."

"And you've got a girl in your bedroom," Videl teased. "The one girl you're not supposed to see."

"Yeah..." Gohan said. "Why do our parents hate each other again?"

"Oh, who knows?" Videl asked. "They'll probably make up by the end of the week. They're like a pair of...never mind."

She was about to say _lovestruck teenagers_, but that sounded wrong. Way too wrong. Just like her urge to put her arm around Gohan's shoulder and pull him in closer to her.

"So, um," Videl coughed. "How about those flying lessons?"

"I can teach you tomorrow," Gohan said. Saturday was pretty free for him. "I think."

"What do you mean, you _think?_"

"I might be busy with my own training," Gohan said.

"Right, your top secret alien training," Videl said. "What's wrong, you don't think I can handle it?"

"Sorry, but yes," Gohan said. "It's dangerous in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. The gravity is really intense, and you could get lost forever. I know you're strong, but it's not designed for humans."

Videl inconspicuously pressed the blue button on the watch Bulma gave her. "Oh, _really?_" she asked. "Wanna bet on it? You, me, spar, right now."

"In my _bedroom?_" Gohan asked.

"Yeah, you chicken?" Videl said, jumping off Gohan's bed and getting into a fighting stance.

"I'm not going to fight you in my house," Gohan said. "Mom would totally find out."

"So you _are_ chicken," Videl said.

Gohan stood up and threw open the window. "You're asking for it, Videl," he said.

She just grinned at him.

Gohan disappeared and reappeared behind her, then grabbed her by the waist.

"Hey!" Videl said. _That_ wasn't a fighting move! That was more like...dancing?

"Let's take this outside," Gohan said. With his arms still around Videl's waist, he flew out the window. His intent was to fly to a nearby park or somewhere where Chi-Chi couldn't oversee them, but he crash-landed a lot sooner than expected.

"Ooogh!" Videl said. Landing face-first into the dirt with a large boy on top of her was _not_ something she enjoyed. She rolled out of the way. "What'd you do that for, you big oaf?"

"I...I dunno," Gohan said. "It felt like I couldn't fly anymore. Weird."

_The alien repellent works!_ Videl thought. She pushed the button on the side of her watch again while Gohan wasn't looking. "If you're having trouble flying, maybe a refresher course of flying lessons will help."

"You're the most persistent girl I've ever met," Gohan noted.

"You have no idea," Videl said.

* * *

The next month passed by rather quickly for our heroes. Videl's personal training went very far, considering she had no official trainer. She could make energy balls appear at will now, both big ones and small ones. Her official record was shooting fifteen energy balls in a row.

She could make the glowing wave things appear like Goten had taught her, but she never did that move, because she had no idea how it would help in a fight, and it was draining to do constantly.

Videl did her best to hide her new powers from Gohan, in case that would give her an edge in the upcoming tournament. The only time she slipped was during the flying lessons, when he tried to get her to push her energy below her. She accidentally messed up and made glowy waves appear on her legs. It looked incredibly freaky, and Gohan had no idea how she did that.

But besides for that, Videl was confident Gohan had no idea how strong she _really_ was. No one did. And that was why she would win the World Martial Arts Tournament.

Needless to say, Videl had no idea Gohan could literally sense her energy levels.

Gohan's training went well, too. He spent a few weeks inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, trying to get back to the levels he was at when he fought Cell. He managed to reach Super Saiyan 2 again, which was something he hadn't done since the fateful fight with Cell. Of course, there was no way to get around the simple fact that he just didn't like fighting, and so he did not push himself to the ultimate extreme. If he had, he _might_ have found out about Super Saiyan 3.

After his own personal training, it was a breeze for Gohan to undergo the training Chi-Chi put the Son Family through. Chi-Chi was rather fanatic about training now—it helped her work out her many frustrations with life, her sons and that crazy afro man.

Goten's first month of kindergarten went smoothly, or as smoothly as could be expected, given that he had a tail and superpowers. Most of the kids in his class liked him because he knew Videl Satan. After all, she brought him along when she fought the hippies at the yogurt shop! That was basically the kindergartener equivalent of being best friends with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so Goten was pretty popular.

Meanwhile, the World Champion, Mr. Hercule himself, had not been training. He had been moping and whining around the house, doing nothing. Eventually, Videl told him to stop being such a baby and just _call_ Chi-Chi already because she was sick and tired of him whining about it.

Hercule, of course, could never call Chi-Chi and apologize for whatever it is he did. Like most millionaire athletes, he did not believe it was _possible_ for him to do anything wrong. However, he _did_ think about it for a while, and he came up with a brilliant plan...or at least, what passes for a brilliant plan in his mind.

"I'll defeat her in the World Martial Arts Tournament!" Hercule declared. "That's brilliant! I'll be the Champion of the World once again! Ha ha ha ha ha! I'll get the money, the fame, the women..."

Hercule smiled at this thought, but his smile quickly turned to a frown. He already _had_ money and fame, but that didn't make him happy. And having a bunch of fangirls didn't make him feel better, because there was only _one_ girl he wanted to like him, and that was Chi-Chi Son.

"Oh..." Hercule moaned. She didn't like him because he was a cheat and a liar and a phony who couldn't fight at all.

"But I _can_ fight! I'm the World Champ! So what if I lied about defeating Cell? It's no big deal, right?"

"Okay, fine, maybe it is a big deal. But what can I do about it?"

"I can...um...I can..._I can fight! That's it!_ I'll win the World Martial Arts Tournament this year all by myself, and _prove_ to Chi-Chi that I'm not just a big phony!"

Convinced that winning the tournament would redeem himself in Chi-Chi's eyes, Hercule finally began his intensive training.


	14. Videl's New Valentine, and the Tryouts

Goten's class was a smart bunch of kindergarteners. Not only did they _all_ know the alphabet song, but they could read and write basic words if needed.

"All right class," Miss Abrams said. "Yesterday, we studied U words. Can anyone guess what words we're studying today?"

"V words!" the class shouted.

"That's right!" Miss Abrams said. They made a list of words that started with V, like van and volcano and voice. Everyone wrote the words down on a piece of paper, except for Goten. He used two sheets of paper, so he could make a _special _list of V words.

* * *

The next day, Videl found a piece of paper in her locker.

_**V**__idel,_

_I lo__**V**__e you __**V**__ery much. Be my __**V**__alentime._

_Goten_

Below the writing was a drawing of Videl and Goten holding hands.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Videl said.

"What is?" Erasa asked.

"It's a letter I got from Gohan's little brother," Videl said. She held out the piece of paper to Erasa. "He's six."

Erasa grabbed the paper and read it. "Aw, this _is_ cute!" she agreed. "I remember him! He was a total cutie!"

This was not the best thing for Erasa to say, considering who was strolling down the hallway behind her.

"Talking about me, I hear," Sharpener said. "What's up, ladies?"

Videl scowled. There went her good mood.

Sharpener glanced at the piece of paper in Erasa's hand, then did a double take as he realized what was written on it.

"What the—?" Sharpener asked. He quickly grabbed the piece of paper.

"Hey!" Erasa said.

"Give that back!" Videl ordered.

Sharpener read the paper. "You got a special someone for Valentine's Day...and it's _not_ me?" Sharpener asked, stunned.

"You'll _never_ be my valentine, Sharpie," Videl said.

Sharpener felt like crying as Videl stole the piece of paper back from him and shoved it in her backpack. She slammed her locker door shut, and she and Erasa walked away, deliberately not paying any attention to Sharpener.

"How can she like another guy more than me?" Sharpener asked. "_Me?_ I'm the captain of the baseball team, I have long flowing hair and...no valentine this year..."

It was basically the worst day ever for Sharpener.

"CURSE YOU, GOTEN!" Sharpener yelled. "I'm going to get you, whoever you are! Nobody steals my valentine!"

Valentine's Day wasn't for months, but of course, Sharpener didn't know that. He didn't own a calendar. If he did, there would only be one thing written on it: _World Martial Arts Tournament, 9:00, tomorrow_.

* * *

**The next day...**

"Ladies annnnnnd gentlemen!" the announcer shouted into his microphone. "Welcome to the 24th Techno-Sushi—I mean, Ten-Try-Itchy—Buddy-Kite?"

He squinted at his cue card, which read Tenkaichi Budokai. What joker wrote the cue cards in Japanese?

"I mean, welcome to the World Martial Arts Tournament! All of our contestants will be arriving shortly, including the Champ himself, Hercule!"

"Hercule! Hercule! Hercule!" the crowd chanted.

"Looks like the press is ready for us," Videl said, looking out a small window on the side of the jet copter.

"Good," Hercule said. "There, uh, there aren't any fangirls out there, are there?"

Hercule was secretly afraid of his fangirls. Some of them were crazy, and half of them were younger than his daughter. Some guys might be interested in young women like that, but Hercule sure wasn't.

"I can see a couple, but security is holding them back," Videl said, running her hand over her head and grabbing a big chunk of hair. She slipped on a hair tie to form a sporting ponytail, then shook it all out. Now she had the world's messiest ponytail. Good. She was ready to go.

Hercule tightened his championship belt and tested the fluffiness of his hair. Part of the left-hand side was sagging. Quickly pulling out a can of hair spray, Hercule got it back into place. Good. _He_ was ready to go.

"Showtime!" Hercule said.

Hercule set the fog machine to run a minute, then pressed the button to open the door. As the door slowly lowered, he stepped out through the smoke.

"And here he is now!" the announcer shouted.

"Hercule! Hercule! Hercule!" the crowd chanted.

A crowd of reporters moved in, all shouting questions. Hercule grabbed the nearest microphone and began his usual crowd-energizing speech. "Have no fear, everyone! I fully intend to win today's tournament and give you all the best martial arts show you've ever seen!"

Inside the jet copter, Videl rolled her eyes and pulled out her cell phone. She started texting Erasa.

* * *

The man behind the desk was busy filling out entry forms for all the competitors. "All right, so you'll be contestant #46, Miss...?"

"18," Android 18 said.

"No, I'm sorry, you're #46," the man said.

"No, you idiot! 18 is my name!"

"Ah...I see," the man said, writing that down. "Please report to the trial area at eleven. Next!"

Chi-Chi stepped forward. "Sign these," the man said, sliding some papers towards her. They were standard contracts, such as release forms for her image being used on TV, an agreement not to sue the company if she was injured in the fight, and so on.

"So Gohan, think you're going to win?" Krillin asked.

"I'm not going to be in the tournament today," Gohan said. "Mom won't allow it."

"_What?_"

"I got grounded for skipping school and getting a week of detention, then not telling Mom about it," Gohan explained.

"Woah-ho-ho!" Krillin laughed. "You're turning into quite the rebel! Chi-Chi'd better watch out, huh? Next you'll probably kidnap the President!"

18 smiled. "And here I thought _I_ was the villain of our little group," she said.

The friendly conversation—and all conversations within 70 feet—was interrupted by a familiar loud screeching.

"_WHAT DO YOU MEAN, __**JUNIOR DIVISION**__?_" Chi-Chi shouted. "Goten's strong enough for the big leagues!"

"All contestants under fifteen must be in the Junior Division," the man said. "Those are the rules."

"But that's not fair!" Chi-Chi cried. "It's supposed to be Goku, me and Goten winning first, second and third place! How can our family sweep the tournament if all three of us aren't fighting?"

"Rules are rules," the man said.

Chi-Chi made a snap decision. "Fine," she said. "Put Goten down for the Junior Division." She turned towards her other son. "Gohan! You're fighting today after all, but you're still grounded."

"All right!" Gohan cheered. He didn't have to use his disguise after all!

"Well, there go _my_ chances of winning," Krillin moaned.

"You were never going to beat me anyway," 18 said.

"Gee, thanks for the moral support, honey," Krillin said.

* * *

Videl was wandering around in the fair, trying to find Erasa when an annoying blond man in a bright green suit jumped in front of her.

"Hey, babe," Sharpener said. "I have a present for you."

"Can it, jerk," Videl said. "I'm busy."

Sharpener ground his teeth. "It's that Goten jerk, isn't it?" he said. "You came up here to meet with him!"

"What?" Videl asked.

"The guy who sent you the valentine!" Sharpener said, his voice breaking. "You're in love with him, not me!"

"That...that's right!" Videl grinned. "Goten is my new boyfriend! You don't have a chance with me now!"

Sharpener fell to his knees and punched the ground. "It's not fair! It's not fair! I thought she's not allowed to date anyone unless he's stronger than her dad! No way this Goten guy is stronger than Hercule! _Nobody_ is stronger than the World Champ! Not unless..."

Sharpener then got a brilliant idea. He would enter the World Martial Arts Tournament himself! In the final round of the tournament, he would defeat Hercule, become World Champion, and get exclusive dating rights to Videl. Then, he would get a soft pretzel with lots of salt and cheese dip!

Sharpener's stomach grumbled. Scratch that. He would get the pretzel _now_, and _then_ he would enter the World Martial Arts Tournament! Look out Goten! The Sharpenator is on the case!

* * *

"Where the heck is your father?" Chi-Chi yelled in Gohan's ear. "I don't see him anywhere!"

"Ow, Mom!" Gohan complained, rubbing his ear. "I don't know where he is! He might not even be here yet!"

"Where is that stupid witch?" Chi-Chi yelled. "I'll kill her if she doesn't bring my husband here soon! I've been waiting seven years for this!"

"You only found out Dad was coming last month," Gohan pointed out.

Chi-Chi slapped Gohan. "Don't talk back to your mother that way!"

"I'm right here," a voice said from behind them. Chi-Chi shrieked and almost fell over.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" Chi-Chi ordered.

Fortuneteller Baba smirked. She loved doing that. "Hello to you, too," she said. "So, I suppose you're all ready to see Goku."

"Uh huh," everyone nodded.

"Well, good, because he's ready to see you, too," Baba said. She started moving her arms around and chanting. "Alakazaam, alakazoo...hey, is that a cotton candy stand?"

"_Forget the food and bring back my husband!_" Chi-Chi shouted.

"Chicka-chicka-boom-boom!" Baba shouted. A puff of smoke appeared and along with it was our hero Goku.

"Hey, guys!" Goku said.

"Oh...wow..." Krillin said.

"Dad!" Gohan said. He was so happy that he was practically laughing.

"Goku!" Chi-Chi cried, running forward to hug her husband. "I've missed you so much!"

"Aw, I missed you, too," Goku said. "It's really lonely with no one but King Kai around and—hey, is that a cotton candy stand?"

"Now, Goku, remember, you can only stay here for one day," Fortuneteller Baba warned. "I'm sending you back after the tournament, got it?"

"Got it, Baba, and thanks again," Goku said, giving her a thumbs-up.

Baba nodded in recognition, then headed over to the cotton candy stand for some delicious food

* * *

Goku and his friends, of course, had a great time catching up with each other before the official tryouts started at eleven. Then again, that was Goku for you; he was so friendly that he could find something to like about anyone, even Vegeta.

Vegeta still refused to talk to Goku, however, so he didn't even bother to show up and say hello.

The Z-Fighters all headed to the trial area shortly before eleven o'clock to beat the crowds, while the non-fighting Z-Fighters—Yamcha, Bulma, Ox King and the like—went to the stadium to get good seats.

"Hey, Gohan!" someone called out as he and his friends entered.

It was Sharpener.

"You haven't seen Videl around here anywhere, have you?" Sharpener asked.

"Huh? No, I haven't. Why?" Gohan asked.

"Because I'm trying to impress her, duh!" Sharpener said. "Word on the street is that she has a new boyfriend. Some super-loser named Goten."

"_Goten?_" Gohan asked. "You don't mean—?"

"Yeah, I hear he's a super-wimp with huge glasses and hair that's out of control," Sharpener said, swinging his long beautiful hair around to show it off, in case any ladies nearby were watching. Sharpener was about to brag about his shiny his hair was thanks to his super-special conditioner—he made it himself by mixing and matching four other types of conditioner—but he saw something horrifying: a split end.

He shrieked and ran away, trying to find a mirror, only he didn't watch where he was going, and he ran straight into a wall. Ouch.

"Um...is that one of your friends, Gohan?" Krillin asked.

"Kind of," Gohan said. "That's Sharpener. He sits near me in class."

"He seems kind of...strange," Goku said, scratching his head.

"He seems like an idiot," Chi-Chi said.

"Excuse me, everyone!" the announcer said into a microphone. "Can you hear me? We're about to begin."

There was a general murmur throughout the area.

"Welcome to the tryouts, contestants!" the announcer said. "Now, we'd love it if _all_ of you could compete in today's tournament, but there are only sixteen slots. We're going to give the slots out to the strongest fighters, and the way we measure who's strongest is by using a punching machine like this one here."

The announced motioned towards one of two red machines designed for punching.

"Only one punch per contestant," the announcer said. "We want to get this done quickly, so we can announce the contestants before 11:30, when the Junior Division starts. Everybody got that? Good! Let's start things off with an exhibition from our current champion, Hercule!"

"HA HA YEAH!" Hercule shouted, running to the area and holding up his championship belt. "So you're the ones who are going to try to take my championship belt away from me, huh? Good luck! You guys are gonna need it, because this year is MY year!"

Hiding in a corner somewhere, Vegeta put his hands over his ears so he didn't have to hear any more of Hercule's blatherskite.

"I'm the winner of four world records, as well as the winner of the last two tournaments..."

"Where do I know that guy from?" Goku asked.

"He was at the Cell Games," Gohan said.

"I hate that jerk!" Chi-Chi said.

"Really? He seems kind of nice to me!" Goku said.

Krillin laughed. "He's good for a laugh or two, that's for sure!"

"And I! Will! WIN!" Hercule shouted, punching the punching machine with all his might. He scored an impressive 157, and walked off while the crowd cheered. He made his way back to the doorway leading to his private room. Videl was leaning against the doorway.

"Nice speech, Dad," Videl said. "Same as the one you gave last tournament, I noticed."

Hercule laughed. "Ha!" he said, clapping Videl on the shoulder. "Good luck with the punching machine, honey! I really _do_ hope you make it into the tournament!"

"No worries," Videl said. "You know, Gohan and his family should be here. Wanna look for them?"

"See Chi-Chi?" Hercule asked. His face erupted in a huge smile. "Sure! Where are they?"

"Somewhere in this crowd, I guess," Videl said.

Hercule scanned the crowd, looking for green people. He quickly found Piccolo. "There!" he shouted, pointing towards the Z-Fighters.

"How'd you find them so quickly?" Videl asked suspiciously.

"I have great vision, that's all," Hercule said.

"More like you have the hots for Gohan's mom," Videl said. "Did I mention that's gross?"

Hercule ignored her as he made his way to the Son Family. Videl followed quickly.

"Hey, there! How's it going?" Hercule asked, clamping Gohan on the shoulder. "You guys entering the tournament?"

"Videl! Hercule! Hi!" Gohan said.

A few conversations broke out after this. One broke out among Krillin, Eighteen and Piccolo.

"Um...what's _he_ doing here?" Krillin asked his wife.

"I have no idea," Eighteen said.

"They know each other," Piccolo said, closing his eyes.

Krillin looked at Piccolo questioningly.

"What?" Piccolo asked. "Gohan brought her to the Lookout one day!"

"Gohan's bringing _girls_ to the Lookout?" Krillin asked. "Oh ho ho, I know what we'll have to _look out _for now!"

Another conversation took place between Videl and Gohan.

"You look...different," Gohan said. He had never seen Videl without pigtails before.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Videl asked.

"Well, your hair is all...new."

"I need to keep my hair out of my face, so I put it up in a ponytail," Videl said.

"You can _do_ that?" Gohan asked. He poked the huge strand of hair that always hung down over his face. "I tried getting this hair out of my face, but it doesn't really work."

The most interesting conversation, however, took place between Chi-Chi and her two, ahem, admirers.

"Chi-Chi, nice to see you again," Hercule said. "Did you happen to catch my impressive speech?"

"That speech was the biggest load of _baloney_ I've ever heard!" Chi-Chi said. "And everyone's going to know it, too, when you _LOSE_ today!"

Hercule laughed nervously. "Ha ha ha, you don't actually mean that, do you?"

"My six-year-old could beat you!" Chi-Chi asserted. "Goten could snap you into—"

"Hey, Chi-Chi, there's no need to be rude," Goku interrupted. "He's just trying to friendly!" Goku held out a hand towards Hercule. "Hi, my name is Goku!"

"Goku?" Hercule asked, shaking Goku's hand. "Isn't that the name of...?"

"He's my husband, yes," Chi-Chi said.

Hercule's jaw dropped. He was going to say _former champion_, not husband. Chi-Chi had a husband? But she...she...

"YOU'RE MARRIED?" Hercule shrieked. "But I thought you...and I...I mean, I thought you were a single parent like me and—"

"Goku's my husband," Chi-Chi asserted. "Unlike you, he's a _real_ fighter!"

Tears began to form in Hercule's eyes. "Fine! I never had a crush on you, anyway!" he shouted. "And just so you know, I'm going to defeat _both_ of you in the tournament today! Waaaaaaaa!"

Hercule ran away crying.

"Did I miss something here?" Goku asked, scratching his head.

"It's not important," Chi-Chi said. _Hercule __**likes**__ me?_ she wondered. _That's...huh._


	15. The Junior Division

**Author's Note:** The people have spoken, and they want more Sharpener! And so, in this chapter, this is _more_ Sharpener fun, including the long-awaited showdown between Sharpener and the girl-stealing Goten.

* * *

Hercule later locked himself in his room with a gallon of ice cream and refused to leave until he was finished eating.

"Please, Mr. Hercule, you _have_ to come out," the monk begged. "They need you at the main stadium."

"I'm not coming out!" Hercule said.

"Please, sir," the monk said. "Your fans need you!"

"I'm not leaving my room, so you can just forget it!" Hercule cried. "There's no way I'm going to let this ice cream go to waste!"

The monk slapped his forehead. Hercule was supposed to be at the main stadium _right now_ for the start of the Junior Division!

Fortunately for the monk, Videl showed up. "What's up?" she asked.

"Your father locked himself in his room, and he won't come out!" the monk said, waving his arms around. "If he's not at the main stadium, I'm going to be fired, and I'll have to go back to my old job as a bank teller in Hercule City! _My life is over!_"

"Calm down, sir," Videl said, using her _talking to panicked citizens_ voice and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. The monk started taking deep breaths.

"That's better," Videl said. Then a thought struck her. "What's wrong with being a bank teller in Hercule City?"

"Are you kidding?" the monk asked. "The Hercule City Bank gets robbed twice a month! It's the most dangerous job in the world! That's why I quit and went into sports!"

"Right," Videl said. "Anyway, I'll take care of my dad, okay. You go on break for a bit. You look like you could use one."

The monk went away, mumbling something about crazy world champions and pineapples. Videl knocked on the door.

"Yes?" Hercule asked.

"It's me, Dad," she said. "Let me in."

Hercule hauled himself off of the sofa and unlocked the door. "Hey, honey. How'd you do?"

"I got a 138 on the punching machine," Videl said. "That's not important right now, though. What's important is that you've locked yourself in your room like a big old baby."

"I'm not a baby!" Hercule said. "I just...I'm really hungry right now, that's all."

"Yeah, right," Videl said. "I swear, Dad, you're the only person I know who could act so immature about a girl not liking him."

* * *

_Elsewhere at the Tournament..._

Sharpener was lying on his stomach, smashing his hands against the ground and kicking his feet wildly.

"Why—doesn't—she—like—me—it's—not—FAAAAAAAAAAAIR!" he cried.

"Sounds like we have a ten-year-old throwing a temper tantrum," one of the nearby guards said into his walkie-talkie. "Requesting backup to detain him."

"WAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

"I'm just a little stunned that Chi-Chi has a husband, that's all," Hercule said, trying to downplay things. "She said she was a widower, like me."

"I don't get it either," Videl said. "I know for a _fact_ that Gohan's father is dead. He said so himself."

"So Goku must be some sort of zombie," Hercule said, rubbing his chin.

"I don't think so," Videl said. "There's no such thing as alien zombies."

"Well, if he's not a zombie, how did he come back from the dead?" Hercule asked.

"There's only one way to find out," Videl said. "And that's by leaving your room."

* * *

The Hercule who showed up onstage three minutes later was a much more confident fellow.

"Hercule! Hercule! Hercule!" the crowd chanted.

"Sorry I'm late, everyone!" Hercule said. "I had some important business to take care of, but I'm here now! Have I missed anything?"

"Not much, Champ!" the announcer said. "We're just about to start the first match of the Junior Division."

"Well, before you begin, I'd just like to encourage all the kids here to try their hardest," Hercule said. "And I'd like to thank them for being so brave and entering the competition! I'm sure you all will put on a great show for everyone!"

The crowd applauded, but more importantly, all the kids were happy to hear their hero compliment them.

"Is there anyone you think will win this year?" the announcer asked.

"Well, you kids are _all_ winners in my book!" Hercule said. "But I'm going to put my money on my buddy Goten Son! I gave him a few private lessons, after all!"

"Oh ho ho!" the announcer laughed. "Sounds like he might have an unfair advantage!"

Goten jumped up and down in excitement. Mr. Hercule was talking about him in front of everyone! That was cool!

* * *

In the small room he was trapped in, Sharpener's ears perked up. "Goten? GOTEN?"

Sharpener tried to run out, but the guards at the door wouldn't let him.

"We're sorry, kid, but you need to stay here until your parents come pick you up," the one guard said.

"You guys don't understand!" Sharpener said. "I need to be out on the fighting ring, NOW!"

"Why?" asked the second guard.

"I have to fight Goten!" Sharpener said. "Don't you guys get it?"

The two guards held a mini-conference.

"What do you think, Bob?"

"Sounds like he wants to fight this Goten kid."

"But why?"

"I dunno. Maybe he's supposed to fight in the Junior Division."

"He doesn't look like he's under fifteen, though. He's pretty tall."

"Yeah, but you've seen how he acts! He seems like a ten-year-old to me!"

"Me too. I guess we should let him go."

The guards turned to Sharpener. "Okay, kid," the guard said. "We'll let you join the fight, but promise not to get into any more trouble, okay?"

"I promise!" Sharpener said. Then he grinned evilly. Goten was doomed!

* * *

The people running the tournament tried to make sure the Junior Division fights were evenly matched. And so when they learned Sharpener was a last-minute addition to the lineup, they paired him with someone who they thought was just as strong as he was: a three-year-old girl.

Marron, to be precise. The daughter of 18 and Krillin.

"It's three-year-old Marron versus the ten-year-old Sharpenator," the announcer said. "Who will win this battle for the ages? I think it'll be Marron!"

"I don't know! They look pretty evenly matched to me!" Hercule said. Hercule, of course, was helping out with color commentary.

Sharpener growled at the young girl. She wasn't Goten, but she would have to do.

"Feel the wrath of the Sharpenator!" Sharpener cried. "Nobody steals _my_ girl and gets away with it!"

"Okay, technically, she's not my girl yet, but..."

"Okay, fine! She never _was_ my girl! But she will be when she sees my _totally awesome fighting skills!_"

Sharpener then started playing air guitar. Any day now, he expected to get a phone call from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Sure, he accidentally poked himself in the eye twice, but that was some _rocking_ fake music!

"You're weird," Marron said.

"No, _you're_ weird!" Sharpener said. "At least _I_ have a nose!"

Marron cried and hit Sharpener on the shin. He immediately collapsed.

"OW! OW! OWIE ZOWIE! THE PAIN! THE PAAAAAAIN! IT HURTS! OWWWWWWWWWW!"

"Wow, he went down after one hit!" the announcer said.

"I had a feeling it wouldn't take much to hurt him," Hercule said.

"Right you are, Champ, right you are!"

Marron was bored. "I wanna go home," she said. She skipped offstage and went back to her parents.

"And Marron is _out of the ring!_" the announcer cried. "It's a surprise victory for the Sharpenator!"

Sharpener jumped up when he heard that he won.

"Yes! I win!" he cried. It was the hardest fight he had ever been through, but somehow he managed to defeat the young girl. Sure, he would probably have to visit the hospital after this, but he could make it to the finals!

* * *

Videl found the Z-Fighters all sitting together. Gohan was sitting next to Krillin, but Videl squeezed her way in between them.

"Hey, Gohan!" Videl said.

"Hey Videl," Gohan said. "Did you see that last match? That one boy looked a lot like Sharpener."

"Marron totally should have won," Krillin grumbled.

"I didn't see it," Videl said. "I wanted to ask you something, though. Why is your dad here?"

"To be in the tournament," Gohan replied.

"No, I mean, I thought you said your dad was dead."

"He _is_ dead," Gohan said. "See the little angel halo he has?"

Videl looked at the halo and frowned. "Dead people don't come back to life, Gohan!" she said.

"Dad's only back for one day," Gohan explained. "After today, he goes back to being dead, unless he decides he wants to stay and we wish him back to life with the dragonballs or something."

"Er...right," Videl said.

Krillin chuckled. "It's confusing at first, I know," he said. "Don't worry, you get used to it."

"Yeah, we're really not that bad," Oolong said.

"Is that a...talking pig?" Videl asked.

Oolong scoffed. "I'm a _shape-shifting_ talking pig, you ignoramus!" he said.

Videl thought about making a comment on how weird Gohan's friends were, but decided not to. She was a teenage crime-fighter whose father was world-famous for destroying a time-travelling green bug/android. She wasn't exactly "normal" herself, after all.

* * *

"Next up, ten-year-old Ralph versus ten-year-old Sharpenator!" the announcer said.

"My name's actually The Great Sharpkowski now," Sharpener said.

"I mean, ten-year-old Ralph against The Great Shapkowski!"

"Scratch that. I think I'll go for Sharp Vader," Sharpener said. "Oooo, or Sharpenerama!"

"That's ten-year-old Ralph against the weird kid!" the announcer clarified.

_My name's not Ralph_, Sharpener wondered as he got into a fighting position. Most other people would have called it the fetal position, but for Sharpener, his fighting and fetal positions were one and the same.

And believe it or not, Sharpener won the next few rounds. You see, he had an awful lot of practice when it came to being beaten up.

* * *

**Helpful Flashback:**

_"Hey, Baby!" Sharpener said, drooling openly at one of the girls who was going down the hallway. "Why don't you and I go make some babies of our own?"_

_She responded by punched Sharpener in the face._

_Her boyfriend responded by smashing Sharpener in the face as well._

_Feeling dazed, Sharpener got up from the floor and saw another girl._

_"Hey, Baby!" he said. "Why don't we—"_

_She swung her purse at his head, and he immediately collapsed again._

* * *

So, yes, Sharpener could definitely take a punch, thanks to his experience in the, er, Master Roshi School of Dealing with Women. Instead of fighting his opponents, Sharpener let them openly punch him until they collapsed from exhaustion, at which point he emerged victorious.

Needless to say, Sharpener had no clue he was fighting in the Junior Division. He thought he was in the main tournament, and he was pretty proud of his four wins/no losses record, even _if_ all his wins were by default.

Yes, our friend Sharpener was _sure_ he would win the championship, win Videl's heart, and have the city re-named after him. Heck, why stop at the city? Why not the entire world? Planet Sharpener had a nice ring to it...

Sharpener shook his head, clearing his mind of his inevitable world domination. In only one more round, Sharpener would be going up against Goten, the evil fiend who was going out with Videl. Sharpener had to _focus_.

* * *

Hercule, meanwhile, was discreetly questioning Goten about his father. As far as Hercule could tell, Goku was a deadbeat dad who never paid child support and left Chi-Chi as soon as he found out she was pregnant.

"So you've _never_ seen him before today?" Hercule asked.

"Nope!" Goten said. "I just met him today! He's a fighter like you!"

Hercule boiled with anger inside. How _dare_ Goku just abandon his two sons? No wonder Chi-Chi told everyone that he was dead!

It was then and there that Hercule swore to defeat Goku in the tournament, no matter what. Even if Goku _was_ some weird kind of alien. Chi-Chi deserved better than him!

Hercule patted Goten on the head. "Don't worry, kid. _I_ don't think you're worthless. In fact, if you win today, I think I'll make you my official apprentice!"

"Oh boy!" Goten said. Was _apprentice_ a kind of candy? That sounded delicious.

"Now go get 'em, champ!" Hercule said, pushing Goten towards the ring.

"And now, for the semi-final round," the announcer said. "The winner of this fight will be facing off against Trunks Briefs in the finals. It's six-year-old Goten versus ten-year-old...um..."

The announcer read off the piece of paper that Sharpener had given him.

"The Super Strong and Also Very Sexy Love Machine of Fighting Strength and Doom and Inevitable Champion, the GREAT SHARPENER-MAN!"

"YEAH! WOO! YEAH! ALL RIGHT!" Sharpener cried, while his thousands of adoring fans screamed madly. At least, that's the sound he _thought_ he heard. In reality, it was just the sound of a nearby cat meowing. "The Great Sharpener Man is in the house, and he's going to bring the pain to Goten!"

Goten scratched his head.

"Listen, punk!" Sharpener said. "You stole my girlfriend, and now you're going to pay!"

"I don't have any money," Goten said.

"Not _that_ kind of pay," Sharpener said. "I mean, I'm going to beat you up because Videl likes you better than me!"

"You know Videl?" Goten asked.

"Um, DUH!" Sharpener said. "She sits right next to me in class! And she should be my girlfriend because I'm super hot and super cool and she'll have to change her name to the Great Sharpener Man's Main Squeeze when sees me win!"

"I don't understand," Goten said.

"I'll make it simple," Sharpener said. "We're going to have a little bet, you and I. If I win this fight, I get to have Videl. If _you_ win this fight, you get to have..."

Sharpener paused for a moment to think of something that was as good as Videl.

"My awesome dance moves!" Sharpener said. "Yeah! The winner of the fight gets Videl, and the loser can't dance! Sounds fair?"

"I guess," Goten said. "Are you really a good dancer?"

Sharpener laughed. "Check it out, kid!"

Sharpener started doing his own personal dance moves. It was basically a moon walk, but with a lot of twirling. He fell over a few times, but he _knew_ those dance moves would get a reaction from Videl.

And, in fact, they did.

"I've seen those stupid dance moves before..." Videl said. She cast a sideways glance at Gohan.

"Hey, those are the dance moves Sharpener taught me!" Gohan said.

"_Sharpener _taught you how to dance?" Videl asked.

"Yeah, he said he was the best dancer in school!" Gohan said. "He taught me all of my dance moves."

"No _wonder_ you can't dance!" Videl said. "Sharpener was voted _Worst Dancer_ in last year's yearbook!"

...Along with _Worst Dressed, Least Likely to Succeed, _and _Most Likely To Be Repeatedly Insulted In Gohan/Videl Fanfiction Stories._ He was also voted _Most Oblivious_, however, so he didn't know any of this.

"So you see," Sharpener concluded. "There is no way I will lose a fight to _you_, Goten. I have to win, because I want to date Videl."

"I have to win because Mommy said so," Goten said.

"Mommy?" Sharpener asked. "Where?"

He looked all over for his mom, but didn't see her. That made him sad. Almost as sad as he was the one time the team lost the baseball championships because he was pitching and accidentally struck _himself_ out. Long story.

"I'll defeat you, for Videl _and_ my Mommy!" Sharpener cried. He threw a punch right and Goten's head and missed. It wasn't his fault, though. Goten was at least three feet smaller than him! It was hard to hit the little guy!

Goten punched Sharpener on the chin. Sharpener went flying ten feet into the air and landed on his face. He got back up again, and started yelling fiercely.

Fifty feet away, Vegeta's jaw dropped. It couldn't be...could it?

"I thought that was just a myth!" Vegeta said.

He looked closer. The man in the ring had bright yellow hair and no working brain cells. It was impossible, but this man had to be...the legendary Stupid Saiyan!

You see, Vegeta knew that good fighting is a mixture of brains and brawn. _Some_ Saiyans, like Nappa or Broly, tried fighting with only brawn, not brain. There were rumors about a Saiyan who had perfected this technique to the point where he was sheer muscle, and hardly any brain at all.

And the man fighting Goten clearly had as little brain as humanly possible.

"I've got to stop him before he destroys the universe!" Vegeta cried. He flew up into the air and charged up a large energy ball. Then he let it fly, right at Sharpener's head.

Sharpener then aimed a kick at Goten's head, but he tripped and fell over his own shoelaces. Vegeta's attack hit the unsuspecting Goten at point-blank range, and Goten collapsed.

"Oh no!" the announcer said. "It looks like Goten is unconscious!"

"Come on, Little Buddy, get up!" Hercule cried.

Chi-Chi shouted something too, but I can't repeat it in a G-rated story.

"I'll start the countdown," the announcer said. "One! Two! Three! Four!"

Vegeta prepared another attack, then stopped. Why wasn't the Stupid Saiyan attacking him? Quickly, he sensed Sharpener's power level. It was...two? No, scratch that, one.

Never mind. The kid wasn't a transformed Saiyan after all. He must have been a natural blonde. Vegeta quietly slipped back into his seat, hoping no one would notice his mistake.

"Six! Seven! Eight!"

"I won!" Sharpener cried. He started doing a victory dance, but tripped on his shoelaces again. He fell headfirst in the wrong direction...

"Nine! Te—"

"HE'S OUT!" Hercule cried, pointing at Sharpener, who had fallen off the platform. "The Great Sharpener Man is OUT OF THE RING!"

"Goten wins!" the announcer cried. "That means he wins the bet, and _the Great Sharpener Man will never dance again!_"

The crowd erupted in thunderous applause. Goten had saved the world from a horrible fate, just like his father and brother before him. It was a glorious day for the planet earth!


	16. Picking Numbers

The fight between Goten and Trunks was truly a masterpiece to behold. Now that Goten had his tail, he was stronger than ever before, because for some reason, having a tail makes you stronger in DragonBall Z land.

Perhaps Goten _might_ have won with his new tail power, if he was slightly smarter.

The fight started out normally enough. Goten dropped on his knees and swept his foot out, trying to trip Trunks. Trunks jumped over Goten's leg and aimed a kick at Goten's forehead. Goten blocked this with his left arm and charged an energy ball in his right hand. Bringing his right hand forward, he shot the ball of energy at Trunks, who deflected it with his elbow.

"Goten, you idiot!" Trunks said. "We're not supposed to use energy attacks, remember?"

"I forgot," Goten said.

"Yeah, right," Trunks said. He jumped towards Goten and started a series of punches. Goten blocked a few of them, then dodged beneath one punch and in the same movement, smashed against Trunks' chin. Trunks took a step back, then threw his weight up and forward, flipping over Goten's head and landing behind him. He drove an elbow in Goten's back, and Goten drove an elbow into _his_ back.

The two young boys spun around so they were facing each other again, and then they started fighting for real. Punches and kicks flew by so quickly that the spectators could hardly see them. The crowd didn't care about this, though; they were soon cheering for more.

The fight, I'm sorry to say, soon became unsportsmanlike. Goten missed a punch at Trunks' head, and when he pulled his hand back, he grabbed a chunk of Trunks' hair and pulled.

"OW!" Trunks cried. He grabbed Goten's hair and used it to smash Goten into the ground. Then he stepped on Goten's back and grabbed his tail, planning on yanking it off. However, as soon as he touched the tail, Goten screamed in pain.

"Let go! Let go! That's not fair!" Goten cried.

"Seriously?" Trunks asked. "Your tail is your weak point?"

"Ow ow ow!" Goten cried.

Trunks walked straight towards the edge of the ring, dragging the screaming Goten behind him. He tossed Goten outside the ring, then rubbed his hands. Easiest victory ever.

"You cheated!" Goten said.

"Hey, I'm not the idiot who decided to keep his tail," Trunks said.

* * *

"It's over _already?_" Goku complained.

Vegeta laughed. "Well, looks like we know which Saiyan family has the _superior_ fighters! Tough luck, Kakarott!"

The announcer told everybody about Trunks' prizes. "As the winner of the Junior Division, Trunks not only gets three hundred dollars _and_ a free copy of _Hercule Defeats Cell_, but he gets a special exhibition match with the one, the only, World Champion HERCULE!"

The crowd cheered.

"Isn't that great, Bulma?" Krillin asked, extra-loudly so Vegeta could hear. "You guys get a free copy of the movie they showed. I'm sure you'll want to watch it over and over!"

Videl burst out laughing. The preview they showed for the _Hercule Defeats Cell_ movie was basically the best movie preview she had ever seen. Seeing the actor playing Vegeta had essentially cured her of her fear of the Saiyan Prince.

Vegeta scowled. Of all the idiotic, ridiculous...

"_KILL HIM, TRUNKS!_" Vegeta shouted.

Videl gulped. Okay, maybe she was still a _little_ scared of Vegeta. You could hardly blame her for being worried about her father's safety, however.

"I've gotta go!" Videl said, getting up and running for the exit.

"Videl, wait!" Gohan said. "I'm sure he's not serious! ...Kind of?"

* * *

"Dad!" Videl cried, running across the grass around the main ring.

"Hey, Videl," Hercule said. "What is it?"

Hercule moved in close to Videl so the announcer couldn't hear.

"Please say there's some kind of emergency!" Hercule begged. "I can't stay here and fight this kid! He's going to destroy me with his weirdo alien powers!"

"Don't worry, I have a solution," Videl said. She took off her watch and handed it to her dad. "Here, put this on."

"A watch?" Hercule asked.

"An alien-stopping watch," Videl said. "Press the blue button on the side, and it makes them weaker. I was going to use it against Gohan in the tournament."

"You were going to _cheat?_" Hercule asked.

"Not really," Videl said. "I'm just taking away his unfair advantage by getting rid of his alien powers."

"You were going to cheat!" Hercule accused. "Videl, I thought I raised you better than that! Now, I may be a humongous wimp who's going to get pounded by a seven-year-old kid, but at least I'm not a cheater!"

Hercule threw the watch on the ground and stepped on it, smashing it to pieces.

"But Dad—!"

"No buts, Videl!" Hercule said. "There's nothing more important in this world than being the best person you can possibly be! And being good doesn't depend on stupid things like how much money you have, or whether or not somebody likes you, or who wins the world championship—it depends on _you! _Now go out there and win that fight honestly!"

It was a nice little speech, but Videl was used to her dad going on rants and making speeches, so like most teenagers, she ignored what her parent had to say.

"But Dad, _you're_ the one who has to fight, not me," Videl said, rolling her eyes.

"And I'll do it honestly!" Hercule said. He turned around to the announcer. "I'm ready to fight now!"

* * *

The fight went as you would expect. Trunks beat Hercule with one punch. Hercule decided to follow his own advice and took it like a man, congratulating Trunks on his victory, instead of worrying about how he was no longer the World Champ.

Fortunately, everyone seemed to believe that Hercule had lost the fight on purpose, just to be nice to Trunks. The television networks all took a commercial break, and they started prepping for the main event: the World Martial Arts Tournament.

Goten and Trunks, upset that they weren't in the _real_ tournament, attacked an unsuspecting man called Mighty Mask and stole his costume. Meanwhile, Goku was eating as much food as possible in the fighter's area. Chi-Chi was lecturing Gohan, and Master Roshi was arrested by security for being a pervert. All in all, things were pretty normal for our heroes.

Soon after that, all the fighters were called to one of the inner courtyards for the drawing of their spots. That is, they got to pick balls out of a box in order to determine who they would fight.

"We'll be doing this in alphabetical order," the announcer said. "First up is Chi-Chi Son! Chi-Chi Son?"

"Here!" Chi-Chi said, walking up to the announcer.

"You were in one of the earlier tournaments, weren't you?" the announcer asked. "I remember you."

"I was in the quarter-finals about twenty years ago," Chi-Chi nodded.

"Yes, that's right. Well, just pick a number!"

Chi-Chi reached around in the box and pulled out number 8.

"All right, exactly in the middle!" the announcer said. "Chi-Chi Son draws number eight! Next to draw is contestant...Filler?"

"ALL RIGHT!" Contestant Filler shouted. He was eight feet tall, bright orange, and wearing a green toga. "World Martial Arts Tournament, here I come! I'm totally going to win this thing! No way I'm one of the worthless contestants who loses in the first round! Filler! Filler! Filler!"

"Um...right," the announcer said. "Pick a number, please."

"SIX!" Filler shouted, picking his number. "That's like, my FAVORITE number! I'm totally going to win!"

"There's no way that loser is going to make it past the first round," Vegeta grumbled.

"Next is Gohan Son," the announcer said. "Are you related to Chi-Chi Son?"

"She's my mother," Gohan said.

"Fighting must run in the family," the announcer said, smiling.

Gohan picked number 10.

"Nothing but even numbers so far," the announcer noted. "Next is Goku Son, our former champion! Goku, good to see you again!"

"It's great to be back," Goku said. He picked number four, and so, after four contestants finished, the board looked like this:

1.  
2.  
3.  
4. Goku

5.  
6. Filler  
7.  
8. Chi-Chi

9.  
10. Gohan  
11.  
12.

13.  
14.  
15.  
16.

"No matches yet," the announcer said. "Next is the current champion, Hercule!"

Hercule picked number 3.

"That puts you up against Goku!" the announcer said. "The current champion versus the previous champion! That should be a fight for the ages!"

Hercule pumped his fists. He was ready for this fight.

"Next is Mr. Kabito," the announcer said.

The large pink man, for both Kabito and the Supreme Kai had come to stop Majin Buu and/or be incredibly mysterious to create suspense for our heroes, got number thirteen.

"Lucky number thirteen!" the announcer joked. "Next is Krillin!"

"Please don't put me against Vegeta, please don't put me against Vegeta," Krillin said quietly as he picked number fifteen.

"And next is Mighty Mask!" the announcer said. "Mighty Mask?"

"No one's going up," Trunks said. "This has to be us!"

Trunks and Goten hobbled forward and pulled out number two. And so, after half the contestants had picked their numbers, the board looked like this:

1.  
2. Mighty Mask  
3. Hercule  
4. Goku

5.  
6. Filler  
7.  
8. Chi-Chi

9.  
10. Gohan  
11.  
12.

13. Kabito  
14.  
15. Krillin  
16.

"Only one match so far," the announcer said. "But the board is filling up quickly! Next to draw is...number eighteen! ...Is that your _real_ name?"

"My parents had a weird sense of humor," 18 said as she drew number nine. That put her up against contestant number ten, Gohan.

"Next up is Sharpener!" the announcer said.

"YEAH!" Sharpener cried, jumping up and running to pick a number.

"Wait a minute," the announcer said. "Weren't you in the Junior Division? The Great Sharpener Man?"

"No, that was my younger and not as handsome twin brother," Sharpener said, lying. "Here's my ID to prove I'm over fifteen!"

The announcer inspected Sharpener's student ID. It seemed legit, and even though the announcer was still suspicious, he let Sharpener pick a number anyway. Sharpener drew number seven, which put him up against Chi-Chi.

"Next is Shin," the announcer said. The Supreme Kai stepped forward. He entered the tournament under the fake name "Shin" because he didn't want anyone to recognize him. I'm not sure why he thought he might get recognized, seeing as no one on the planet had ever seen him before, and indeed, no one besides Piccolo even knew he existed. However, you never know when the Kai-Paparazzi might appear, so Supreme Kai decided he'd rather be safe than sorry.

Supreme Kai drew number fourteen, which put him up against Kabito. That sort of threw a monkey wrench into his plans of having him and Kabito defeat Babidi's goons in the tournament. Maybe he'd have to tell Goku about his secret identity and enlist Goku's help in stopping the evil wizard.

"Next is Spopovich!" the announcer said. Spopovich, not one for conversation, drew number five, putting him up against Contestant Filler. And so, after twelve picks, the board looked like this:

1.  
2. Mighty Mask  
3. Hercule  
4. Goku

5. Spopovich  
6. Filler  
7. Sharpener  
8. Chi-Chi

9. Number 18  
10. Gohan  
11.  
12.

13. Kabito  
14. Shin  
15. Krillin  
16.

"We're coming up on the end here, folks!" the announcer said. "Next is The Junior!"

Piccolo came up to draw a number. Like the Supreme Kai, he had _also_ entered under a fake name to avoid the paparazzi. No, wait, that's not it. What I meant to say is that Piccolo entered under a fake name so no one would recognize him as the evil demon who had once tried to destroy the world.

It's a darn good thing he did, too! Because at the judges' table, this conversation took place:

Judge #1: Hey, isn't that the evil demon Piccolo Junior? The one who attacked at the tournament twenty years ago?  
Judge #2: (checking the list of contestants) No, it says here that his name is "The Junior".  
Judge #1: Oh. He must some _other_ green person with antennae, then.  
Judge #1: That's just what I was thinking!

So clearly, if Piccolo had entered in the contest under his real name, he might have been recognized and asked to leave. But since he was "The Junior", nobody suspected a thing.

Anyway, Piccolo drew number 11, which put him up against number 12, a spot which still had to be filled. He wondered which of the remaining three contestants he would face off against as Vegeta stepped forward.

"Any way I can get my name on the form changed to _Prince_ Vegeta?" Vegeta asked.

"I'll check," the announcer said. "I'm not in charge of name changes, though. I'm just in charge of the microphone."

Vegeta drew number one, which suited him just fine because that was where he thought he would be at the end of the tournament.

"And finally, Videl gets to pick a number," the announcer said. "Looks like you'll get either twelve or sixteen."

_So that puts me up against The Junior or Krillin_, Videl thought. She drew sixteen, which put her up against Krillin. Yamu was automatically put in spot number twelve, against Piccolo.

"Great! Everyone's spot has been picked!" the announcer said. "The first match starts at 12:30, which is...in three minutes! Gack! We're running late!"

The announcer ran off to perform some important announcer duties, such as taking a quick potty break before he had to return to work.

* * *

Thus, all the matches were decided. The board looked like this:

1. Vegeta  
2. Mighty Mask  
3. Hercule  
4. Goku

5. Spopovich  
6. Filler  
7. Sharpener  
8. Chi-Chi

9. Number 18  
10. Gohan  
11. The Junior  
12. Yamu

13. Kabito  
14. Shin  
15. Krillin  
16. Videl

And the twenty-third World Martial Arts Tournament is ready to begin! After this short commercial break.

* * *

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* * *

"And we're back!" the announcer cried. "Ladies and gentlemen, the World Martial Arts tournament is set to begin! Our first fight of Round One is famed fighter Mighty Mask versus a newcomer, Prince Vegeta!"

"Do you really think we can beat your dad?" Goten asked.

"I dunno," Trunks said. "There's two of us and one him, though, so it's worth a shot!"

"Who will win? Who will lose?" the announcer cried. "There's only one way to find out! Stay tuned!"

_Cue "end of episode music" and overly dramatic announcer who doesn't tell us anything new._

Announcer: _Next time, on DragonBall Z..._

The World Martial Arts Tournament is about to begin! The first fight of Round One is Mighty Mask versus Prince Vegeta. Who will win? Who will lose? There's only one way to find out! Stay tuned for the next episode of DragonBall Z!

_Cue title card entitled "Vegeta Wins". Funky music plays. End episode._

Announcer: Gee, I sure hope they don't cut the episode previews out of the DVDs.


	17. Goku Versus Hercule

"It's Prince Vegeta versus Mighty Mask!" the announcer said into the microphone. "Who will win? Who will lose?"

Vegeta stepped into the ring with confidence. This would be an easy fight. No one without Saiyan blood could legitimately stand a chance against him.

As a standard pre-fight move, Vegeta read Mighty Mask's power level. He scowled. The energy signals Mighty Mask was giving out were mighty familiar...

"The brats?" Vegeta asked.

"Oh, crap!" Trunks said. "He recognized our energies!"

It was unfortunate for our mini-heroes that they weren't paired against someone who can't sense energy, like Videl or Number 18.

"Nice try," Vegeta said. "But even together, the two of you can't stop me."

It didn't take long for them to realize Vegeta was right. He was dodging their attacks with great ease, because Trunks' and Goten's mobility was limited. Maybe if they weren't both stuck in the same costume and could actually move freely, the fight would work better for them.

Vegeta almost smiled as he dodged his son's punches. It reminded him of the time he first learned Trunks could turn into a Super Saiyan...

* * *

**Flashback:**

_When did the legendary transformation to Super Saiyan become a child's plaything?_ Vegeta wondered.

"Let's test it out," Vegeta said. "Try to hit me, Trunks!"

"Huh? You want me to...hit you?"

Vegeta grinned cockily. "If you can land a punch, I'll take you to the park."

"All right!" Trunks said, filled with energy at the thought of going to the park. He launched an assault of punches that were becoming increasingly difficult to dodge.

_Seems like he __is__ a Super Saiyan_, Vegeta thought, a second before Trunks landed a blow on his cheek.

Without thinking, Vegeta drove his fist into Trunks' stomach. Trunks fell backwards, tears of pain in his eyes.

* * *

_Let's see if that would work again..._ Vegeta thought.

Vegeta purposely dodged slowly so Trunks would be able to hit him. Sure enough, Trunks hit his father on the cheek and gloated with joy for a second over the fact that he landed his first punch. While Trunks was thus distracted, Vegeta drove his fist into Trunks' stomach.

"Pathetic!" Vegeta said. "Your enemy shouldn't be able to hit you with the same attack twice, Boy! That's it! This fight is over!"

"And Vegeta knocks Mighty Mask back with a single blow!" the announcer said. "What a punch!"

"Over? What do you—?"

"I'd enjoy fighting you for real, but I need to save all my energy for Kakarott," Vegeta said. "So surrender now, or face a quick, painful elimination."

"We're not giving up!" Goten said.

"Yeah, what he said!" Trunks said.

"Suit yourself," Vegeta said. He flew at Mighty Mask and aimed a low, roundhouse kick at Goten's chest. Goten couldn't dodge quickly enough, not with Trunks standing on his shoulders, and he had to take the kick. Vegeta followed up with three punches at Trunks, the first two to bring the boy's hands up and out of the way so Vegeta could pound him in the stomach again with the third punch.

Grabbing Trunks' arm, Vegeta swung and threw him out of the ring. Goten and Trunks tried to fly to prevent themselves from landing on the ground, of course, but they weren't synchronized and ended up landing on the ground anyway.

"Mighty Mask is out! Vegeta wins!"

"Aw, man!" Trunks complained. "Maybe we should have practiced in this suit."

"I have to go to the bathroom," Goten said.

"Vegeta moves on to Round Two," the announcer said. "And now onto the next match! It's only our second one today, but it's sure to be the most highly anticipated match of the first round: Hercule Satan versus Goku Son! Both of these men have won the World Martial Arts Tournament before, but this is the first time the two of them have ever fought each other!"

Goku and Hercule exchanged the customary good will handshake. "We haven't really talked yet, but I'm Goku, Gohan's dad!" Goku said. "Gohan says that you gave my family a house in the city. That's really nice of you!"

"And it was really _mean_ of you to leave them!" Hercule accused.

"Leave them?" Goku asked.

"I heard the whole story!" Hercule said. "You found out Chi-Chi was pregnant with Goten, and you ran away! How dare you abandon her?"

"That's not what happened," Goku said. "I didn't want to leave her. I died!"

"You...you what?"

Goku pointed to his halo. "I'm dead, see?"

"The two competitors seem to be talking about something," the announcer said. "But I'm sure that once the introductions are over, they'll start the fight."

"A likely story!" Hercule said. "I'll knock that fake halo off your head, NOW!"

Hercule did a jump kick at Goku's head. Goku ducked, and Hercule's foot got stuck in the halo.

"Ow, ow!" Hercule cried as his ankle almost twisted and he fell to the ground.

"OW!" Goku agreed, as he was pulled down to the ground as well. "Let go! That thing's connected to my head!"

Hercule managed to get up and remove his foot. "Okay, so, maybe that halo is real," he said. "But I don't care if you're dead and have a halo, and...wait, are you an angel?"

"Yes," Goku said. And in fact, he was. King Yemma probably would have given Goku a set of wings if he didn't already know how to fly.

"Aw, man!" Hercule said. "I can't fight an angel! I'd get in _major_ trouble for doing something like that!"

Hercule groaned and sat down. It was one thing to fight Chi-Chi's deadbeat husband. It was another thing entirely to fight an angel. And only good people become angels, which meant that Goku was a good person, not a deadbeat, and oh...

"Now I'll _never_ get a girlfriend!" Hercule moaned. "Maybe I'll get a dog instead. Yeah, a cute puppy would be nice!"

Goku scratched his head. This Hercule guy was kind of strange.

"Aren't you going to fight?" Goku asked.

"What's the point?" Hercule asked. "I know you're going to win with your weirdo alien powers. This is the end for me! I guess I deserve it for lying about Cell."

* * *

Hercule could practically see his future now. Goku would win the fight without even trying. The crowd would start booing.

"You suck!" someone shouted.

"You're a loser!"

"Wow, that guy makes _me_ look cool!" Sharpener said.

"I never liked you!"

"Let's name the town Goku City!"

"Go—ku! Go—ku! Go—ku!" the crowd started chanting. Goku was the world champion, and everyone loved him.

Hercule trudged home slowly, forgotten. On the doorstep was his loving daughter...no, wait...

"I can't believe you lost so easily," Videl said haughtily. "You're so pathetic!"

"You said it, baby," Gohan said, wrapping his arm around Videl and kissing her in a very inappropriate manner and...

"No! Stop!" Hercule cried. He reached out a hand towards his daughter, but she seemed to be sliding farther and farther away from him.

"When we get married, Goku will be my father," Videl said. "Finally, I'll have a _real_ champion for a dad."

Videl and Gohan laughed.

"Nooooooooo!" Hercule cried. He cried and cried and cried, and nobody heard him.

* * *

Goku shook Hercule's shoulder. "Hey, Hercule, are you okay?" he asked.

"Huh?" Hercule asked. He shook his head a few times and stood back up. "Sorry, I spaced out for a second there," he said. "Where were we?"

"We were about to fight," Goku said.

"Right," Hercule said. "Could you do me a favor and make it look real? I have a reputation to keep up."

"Sure!" Goku said.

Goku and Hercule started fighting. True to his word, Goku tried to make it look like a good fight, even if Hercule couldn't really hurt him. Maybe an expert fighter could tell that Goku wasn't really trying, but nobody in the stands seemed to notice. As far as they were concerned the fight was good, exciting, and long.

"Fifteen minutes of non-stop action!" the announcer cried. "And it doesn't look like our fighters are even _close_ to slowing down!"

Inside the fighters' room, Krillin was bored. "They need a TV in here," he grumbled.

That was a major problem with the fighters' room. They really could have used a large flatscreen TV on one of the walls so everyone could watch the fights. The only other way for the fighters to see the fights was to look out the much-too-small window that faced the fighting arena.

Krillin went to the window and looked out. His view was somewhat blocked by the three Z-Fighters who were standing outside the window, in the courtyard where the arena was.

"Now _that's_ a smart idea," Krillin said to himself, deciding to go outside and see the fight with his three friends.

The three people watching the fight, of course, were Chi-Chi, Gohan and Videl.

"Why doesn't Goku just beat his face in already?" Chi-Chi grumbled.

"I guess he's just trying to be nice," Gohan said.

"Woo hoo! Go Dad!" Videl cheered.

"Your father is a phony, and a liar and a jerk!" Chi-Chi said.

Videl clenched her fists. Fifteen minutes of almost non-stop complaining from Chi-Chi was driving her nuts.

"All right, listen, lady!" Videl said, getting up in Chi-Chi's face. "I _know_ you don't like me or my father, but guess what? We're a part of your life now. So _deal_ with it!"

"How dare you talk to me that way? Who do you think you are?" Chi-Chi snapped.

"I'm Videl, and I'm sick and tired of hearing you bad-mouth my father!" Videl said. "If you hate him so much, why don't you move back to your house in the mountains so we'll never have to deal with you ever again?"

"You are the rudest, most insufferable girl I've ever met!" Chi-Chi said. "I forbid you from ever talking to me _or_ my family!"

"You've _already_ forbidden me from seeing your son," Videl said, crossing her arms. "And you know what? It doesn't matter! Gohan and I have been secretly meeting with each other!"

"WHAAAAAAAT?" Chi-Chi shouted. "IS THIS TRUE?"

Fifteen feet away, inside the room, Piccolo rubbed his ears. Did they _have_ to yell so close to him?

Chi-Chi wheeled around to face her son. Gohan immediately wished that he could turn invisible. "Well...I...uh...I've...kind of been giving Videl flying lessons, and..."

"_Gohan Son you are triple-grounded and I'm taking you out of the tournament and you can forget about ever leaving the house again and—"_

"No!" Gohan responded.

Chi-Chi fell into stunned silence. Did her son—her adorable, well-behaved son—just talk _back_ to her?

"I'm _also_ sick and tired of hearing you bad-mouth Videl and Hercule!" Gohan said, taking a step forward. "Videl's my friend, and I like being with her! It's not like she's a bad person or anything, so you need to back off!"

"Not a bad person?" Chi-Chi echoed. "_Not a bad person?_ Are you _CRAZY?_"

"She's the best girl I ever met!" Gohan asserted. "And everyone else in town agrees!"

"Hell yeah!" Sharpener agreed, popping up out of nowhere. "Videl is awesome!"

"You're not part of this conversation, Sharpener!" Videl said, pushing Sharpener out of the way and into a nearby wall, where he fell into unconsciousness.

"I don't want to be mean, Mom," Gohan said. "But Videl _is_ my friend, and you can't change that. So stop being so mean to her...please?"

Chi-Chi growled painfully. "Never!" she shot out, before turning on her heel and storming back inside the fighters' room.

Gohan's shoulders dropped. "When she gets back, I am in _so_ much trouble," he said.

"That's okay," Videl said, putting her hand on Gohan's shoulder. "Thanks for sticking up for me. I know it was tough to do."

**Author's Note: **Readers, this would be a good time to start humming your favorite love song.

Videl pushed a hair off of her face nervously. "Did you really mean what you said?" she asked. "About liking me?"

"Well, um, yeah," Gohan said, blushing slightly. "I like you, and, well, you really _are_ the best girl I've ever met."

"That's so sweet of you," Videl said, putting her other hand on Gohan's other shoulder. "I like you, too."

Gohan suddenly got nervous, as his heart rate went up and he started unconsciously sending out large amounts of energy. Why did Videl have her hands on his shoulders? She was a little too close, and...

"Oh!" Gohan said, realizing what was happening.

"What is it?" Videl asked.

"I just remembered what boys and girls do when they like each other," Gohan said, taking a deep breath.

"And what's that?" Videl breathed out.

"They...they..."

The two teens' faces got closer and closer as they moved in for the scary—but hopefully good—but still rather scary—first kiss either of them had ever experienced. Gohan closed his eyes, and...

Gohan's big lock of hair smacked Videl in the eye.

"Ow!" Videl said, rubbing her eye.

"Augh!" Gohan said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—I've never done this before—I—!"

"It's okay, I guess," Videl said, rubbing her eyes. Missing on your first kiss was pretty much the most embarrassing thing ever.

"Psst! You guys!" someone hissed.

Videl and Gohan turned around to see Krillin near the doorway to the fighters' room.

"You need to angle your heads like this," Krillin said, demonstrating the proper technique.

The two teens blushed together, then tried again. This time, they didn't miss.

* * *

Goku and Hercule were having a nice chat during their fake fight. At least, it was fake for Goku. Hercule was getting a decent workout.

"So that's why I grew the mustache," Hercule explained, while doing some fancy dodging, then landing an uppercut.

"I wish I could grow facial hair," Goku said. "I know there's some special way Saiyans can do that, but Vegeta never explained it to me."

"You're going to beat Vegeta in the next round, right?" Hercule asked.

"I hope so!" Goku said.

"Good," Hercule said. "You wouldn't _believe_ what that fiend did to my pure, innocent little daughter!"

Goku stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Hercule asked.

"Gohan's energy levels just skyrocketed," Goku said, seriously. "Videl's, too. They must be..."

Goku turned his head towards the area where Gohan and Videl were. Hercule followed his gaze and...

"VIDEL!" Hercule shouted. "You're not allowed to do that to anyone!"

Hercule ran towards Gohan and Videl, the fight completely forgotten from his mind. Goku followed after him, as did the TV cameras.

"The two fighters have left the ring?" the announcer asked. "Why would they...? Oh, my. That's not...Quick, cut to commercial!"

Up in the stands, the section made up of people from Gohan, Videl and Sharpener's homeroom started cheering. They had all come to cheer on their three classmates in the competition; they weren't expecting to see Gohan and Videl kiss on the big screen!

Even Mr. Brown put down his book for a few seconds to watch.

Erasa squealed. "Ohmygosh! They make such a cute couple!" She pulled out her cell phone and immediately dialed Videl's number.

"So _that's_ how you do it," the nerd from their homeroom said. He quickly snapped a picture with his cell phone, then whipped out his laptop and started a Gohan/Videl Fan Club on Facebook.

Angela pouted. _She_ wanted to go out with Gohan! Now she'd be stuck with Sharpener for the rest of her life! Not cool!

Mr. Brown went back to reading his book.

* * *

The official decision made by the judges was that Goku won the match, because Hercule was first to step out of the ring. Some of his fans were disappointed by the loss, but most of them understood that it was due to extenuating circumstances.

Hercule went ballistic and started yelling at Gohan and Videl. Goku tried to calm Hercule down, and calmly ask what was going on. Meanwhile, Videl's phone rang, so she answered it.

"OH MY GOSH, VIDEL, I SAW YOU AND GOHAN KISSING!" Erasa shrieked.

"You WHAT?" Videl asked.

"It was on the big screen! Everyone saw it! It looked amazing! How was it?" Erasa said.

"We're on TV?" Videl asked.

"And turn off your phone when I'm talking to you, and, huh?" Hercule said, stopping in mid-rant. "The cameras are still rolling?"

Hercule turned his head around. Yes, more than one camera was focused on him.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Hercule laughed, embarrassed. Then, speaking loudly so the nearest camera could hear, he said, "Videl, even if it _is _a complete shock to see that my baby girl is all grown up, I still love you, and I've very proud of you!"

He gave his daughter a big old hug. "We'll talk about this later," he whispered in her ear.

"Right," Videl said.


	18. After the Kiss

**Author's Note: **Did I mention that I really like the cheesy narrator they used at the beginning and end of every DBZ episode? I'm still kind of upset that they cut out all his "next time, on DragonBall Z..." segments out of the DVDs.

* * *

Chi-Chi made her way to the area where the Z-Fighter Friends were sitting.

"Hey, Dad," Chi-Chi said glumly.

"Chi-Chi, aren't you supposed to be fighting soon?" Bulma asked.

"I had to get away from the fighter area for a while," Chi-Chi said. "That Videl girl upsets me so much!"

"I kind of like her," Bulma said. "When she stopped by Capsule Corp, she was really nice."

"She's really cool!" Goten chimed in.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know she had a _FAN CLUB_," Chi-Chi shouted. "I came here looking for a little SUPPORT AND CONSOLATION from my friends, but I guess I'll have to go elsewhere!"

"Don't leave, honey," the Ox King said. "Why don't you like that girl?"

"She's nosy!" Chi-Chi said. "And mouthy! She wants Gohan to stop studying and start fighting!"

"They didn't look like they were fighting to me," Yamcha chuckled.

"What are you talking about?" Chi-Chi asked. "You haven't seen them."

"_Everybody_ saw them," Yamcha said. "They were on the big screen and everything."

"Wh-wh-what?" Chi-Chi asked. She clenched her fists. "What were they doing on the big screen in front of everyone?"

"I—I'll tell you if you promise not to hurt me!" Yamcha quivered.

"They were kissing!" Master Roshi said, jumping up and down. "Oooo hooo! I wish I could get a young girl to kiss me like that! I'd—"

Chi-Chi grabbed Master Roshi and threw him as far as she could. He landed on his head near the bottom row of the stands.

"Okay, so what were they _really_ doing?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Uh...uh..." Yamcha said.

"They were kissing!" Trunks said. "It was gross! I can't believe Gohan would kiss a girl!"

"Yuck!" Goten agreed.

"_My baby boy was kissing that girl in front of thousands of people?_" Chi-Chi asked.

"If you count the people watching the tournament at home, it's probably more like millions," Bulma said, using her powers of scientific accuracy.

Chi-Chi fainted, which was good news for everyone's eardrums.

"Oh no!" Ox King said, picking up his daughter.

* * *

Chi-Chi wasn't the only fighter who went to the stands that day. Sharpener also needed support and consolation at the moment, so he went to the section where the Orange Star High kids were sitting.

"Hey, everyone," Sharpener said glumly. "I guess you all know the bad news by now."

"Bad news?" Erasa asked. "What bad news?"

"Videl is...is...she has a boooooyfrieeeeend!" Sharpener cried.

"But that's good news!" Erasa said. Everyone nodded and agreed with her.

"That's bad news!" Sharpener said. "It means _I_ can't go out with her!"

"That's better news!" Erasa said. Everyone nodded and agreed with her again.

"You guys are the worst friends ever!" Sharpener said. "This is a bad situation, right Mr. Brown?"

The homeroom teacher yawned.

"See, he agrees with me!" Sharpener said. "I used to be going out with the Golden Goddess of Orange Star, and now I've been dumped! It stinks!"

"But...you _weren't_ going out with Videl," the nerdy kid who sits in front of Gohan said.

"Yes, I was!" Sharpener said. "We went out to the movies, and the fair, and she turned into a television, and I bought myself a burrito, and—no wait, that was a dream I had. Darn!"

Well, if Sharpener was upset earlier when he thought Videl wasn't his girlfriend anymore, he was now DOUBLE crushed because he knew she never _was_ his girlfriend. Things were definitely not going Sharpener's way. He had to do something about this, and quick. He had to something big, something important, something like...check his Facebook account!

"Give me that computer, Nerd Bomber," Sharpener said, stealing the computer from the nerdy guy (whose name is actually Vegeta Junior, but nobody knows why). "I gotta change my Facebook status from 'in a relationship' to 'it's complicated'."

Sharpener logged onto Facebook. After checking the Friends bar, which was _still_ completely empty—even Tom from Myspace rejected Sharpener's Facebook invitation!—Sharpener went to his main page, where he found...

"You invited me to join your 'Gohan and Videl are the best couple ever!' group?" Sharpener asked Vegeta Junior.

"We're up to forty members!" VJ said.

"Not cool! NOT COOL!" Sharpener said. "That is the single, most uncool thing EVER!"

VJ scratched his head. Why was Sharpener talking about himself in the third person?

* * *

Vegeta (not Junior) demanded to see Gohan after he heard what happened. Gohan met with him in the cafeteria, where most Saiyan conferences take place.

"So, I hear you have some...interest in that Videl girl," Vegeta said. "A regrettable choice on your part, to be sure, but I wouldn't have expected more from the spawn of Kakarott."

"Gah!" Gohan said. He did _not_ want to discuss his new relationship with Vegeta, of all people!

"I suppose this means it's time for me to tell you about Saiyan puberty," Vegeta said. "No doubt your worthless father won't say anything about it to you, despite its monumental importance. You see, unlike humans, Saiyans don't marry do for recreation. We bond for life."

"Bond?" Gohan asked.

"A bond is a mental link between a given Saiyan and his soulmate," Vegeta explained. "Once formed, the two will be able to read each others' minds at will. It's designed to make you an unstoppable battle force, because you can communicate non-vocally."

Gohan wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. "How do you form a bond?" he asked.

"The bonding process involves growing a pair of great ape fangs and biting your bondmate on the neck," Vegeta said. "And the term bond_mate_ is the proper one, because you need to mate with your partner within two days, or else your energy will boil up within you and kill you from within!"

"No way!" Gohan protested. "I can't ma...do _that_ with Videl! We're way too young to be having children!"

"No need to worry," Vegeta said. "Knowing your total lack of backbone, you haven't begun the bonding process with an _ooskun_ yet. I'm just warning you in advance so you don't do anything you'll regret."

Gohan was slightly surprised that Vegeta was looking out for him, but he was too startled by the news to feel grateful. "What's an _ooskun_?" he asked.

Vegeta scowled. "It's...darn, what do you call it in the human language? It's a...kiss, I believe it's called. When you put your mouths together. That's the trigger which tells your body that you need to grow the _oozaru_ fangs for the ceremony. So be warned: don't kiss that girl unless you're absolutely certain you want to be stuck with her for life. There's no way to reverse the process."

_"There's no way to reverse the process?" _Gohan practically shouted.

"None whatsoever," Vegeta said. "As I said, once it begins, you must mate with the girl within two days, or be killed by your own power. But you don't have to worry about that, unless you've kissed her, and I know you wouldn't—"

"AAAAAAAA!" Gohan screamed, running out of the cafeteria at top speed.

"Ha!" Vegeta said. It worked! The idiot fell for it! He had just told Gohan the most ridiculous story he could think of, and Gohan believed him! Soon, Gohan would be trying to perform an imaginary bonding ceremony on his girlfriend!

Vegeta smirked. His revenge on Videl was now officially complete.

* * *

Those were some of the more interesting scenes that went on at the World Martial Arts Tournament that day, but we shouldn't forget that Round One was currently underway.

"And our third fight of the day, Contestant Spopovich versus Contestant Filler! Spopovich made it all the way to the quarter-finals last time, whereas Filler is a newcomer!"

Filler, like I said earlier, is eight feet tall and bright orange. This passes for normal in the DragonBall Z world, so nobody was concerned. After all, Spopovich was _also_ eight feet tall, with a curly M tattoo on his forehead. In comparison, Filler wasn't that strange.

"You ready to fight?" Filler asked.

Spopovich grunted.

"Just a word of warning," Filler said. "There's no way you're going to win the fight. You see, I'm not really a human. I'm a member of a warrior race of aliens known as the Cyans."

The _extended monologue _music started playing, so Spopovich sat down and made himself comfortable.

"We hail from a tiny, light blue planet in sector 342," Filler monologued. "The evil alien overlord Fuschia forced our race to work as his slaves! Little did we know that he destroyed our planet! In fact, he personally killed my father, Buttock!

"Fuchsia terrorized the universe with his fiendish Guinea Force. He sent those evil Guinea Pigs to attack innocent people! Eventually, he was killed by someone named Guko, who turned into a Super Cyan.

"I want to become a Super Cyan, so I came here to Earth to train under the famous martial arts expert, Master Raunchy. I'm going to win this tournament and _prove _I'm the most powerful person in the world! Then I'll rally the remaining Cyans and create a world where we can live in peace!"

Spopovich yawned. He said, "You talk too much."

"And _you're_ bald," Filler pointed out.

"RAWR!" Spopovich cried. "I'm not bald! I'm _thinning!_" He flew right at Filler and beat him into a bloody pulp. Then he threw Filler out of the ring, and Filler was never heard from again. He had fulfilled his purpose in wasting up half of the episode; there was nothing more for him to do.

Maybe he spent the rest of his life hanging out with the other unimportant filler characters, like Goz and Mez, or the entire cast of Dragonball, or the girl called Lime, or Angela, or Sharpener.

* * *

Hercule was pacing back and forth in his room. Well, technically, it was the Champion's Room, and it wouldn't be his much longer. But Hercule was worried about losing his title; he was more worried about losing his daughter.

"The thing is, when I _said_ you could only go out with someone who's stronger than me, I didn't really mean it," Hercule said while pacing.

"Really," Videl said, rolling her eyes. She was sitting on the couch, prepared for a _long_ lecture. Figures she'd have to talk to her dad about her relationship before talking to Gohan.

"I only said that because I'm the World Champion," Hercule said. "I didn't _actually_ think there was someone stronger than me!"

"Guess you thought wrong," Videl said.

"You see, you shouldn't be allowed to date anyone ever, because most boys are perverts who only want to have sex with you," Hercule said. "But...I can't break the rules I set down five years ago. Therefore, I must admit that you are, in fact, allowed to...uh..."

"Yes?" Videl prodded.

"Please don't make me say it," Hercule said. "It hurts too much."

Videl grinned. "You're saying that I can go out with Gohan," she said.

"Well, he _does_ make you happy, and...WOAHHAHAHAHAUG! NO! _I can't do this!_"

Hercule threw himself at Hercule, almost choking her in a bear hug.

"Videl, you _can't_ go out with him! You can't! He's just going to break your heart or hurt you or doing _something_ wrong, and I don't want to lose my baby girl! You're all I have left in this world, now that I've lost your mother and the championship and everything else!"

"Oh, Daddy," Videl said. "I'm not going to leave you because of some guy! You're my father, and I love you, and nothing's going to change that!"

Hercule took a deep sniff. "Even _if_ I'm a washed-up fighter?"

"I'd love you even if you lost the championship to Sharpener," Videl said.

Hercule hugged his daughter again. "I love you too, Videl," he said, wiping away a tear. "You'll always be my baby girl."

* * *

Videl left her father's room, thinking that had gone _much_ better than she expected. Her first kiss, and her father wasn't furious! It could be the best day she'd have in a long time!

That's when things started to get weird again.

_Videl? Videl, where are you?_ Gohan's voice said in Videl's head.

"Gohan?" Videl asked. "Is that you? How are you—?"

_Yeah, it's me_, Gohan thought. _Meet me at the fighters' room as quickly as possible, okay? We...kind of have to talk._

"I'm on my way," Videl said.

Gohan let out a huge breath of air. He could _hear_ Videl in his head! They really _were_ bonding, like Vegeta said!

It didn't occur to him that he was simply using his telepathic powers to communicate with Videl. It also didn't occur to him that he couldn't go through some strange Saiyan puberty because he was already eighteen years old, well past the age to begin puberty. Gohan was far too worried to use logic. All he could think about was what Vegeta said.

_If you don't mate with her within two days, you will die...die...die..._

_I'm too young to die!_ Gohan thought.

Videl showed up in the fighters' area two minutes later. Gohan was extremely nervous when he saw her.

"Videl!" he said. Then he blushed.

Videl blushed, too. "Hey, Gohan."

Gohan wanted to ask if he and Videl were an official couple now, but he thought that sounded like a really stupid question to ask. And besides, what if she said no?

"Hello there, lovebirds!" Krillin said loudly. "When's the baby due?"

"KRILLIN!" Gohan shouted. Now was the _worst_ time to make pregnancy jokes to Gohan. "That's not appropriate! Videl and I are...not yet..."

"Ho ho ho, sounds like you're not sure!" Krillin said. Basically, Krillin planned to tease Gohan about his new girlfriend for the next ten years.

"Let's go, Gohan," Videl said, giving Krillin a mean glare.

"Yeah, we should talk _in private_," Gohan said, angrily.

Krillin was going to make a very clever joke about what they would talk about, when Goku came over, asking what was going on. Gohan and Videl slipped out while Goku and Krillin talked. Videl led Gohan to an empty-looking courtyard, where they stood against a wall.

"I think we're alone," Videl said. "So..."

"That was..." Gohan said, deliberately _not_ looking at Videl. "I mean, getting caught by our fathers was..."

"Awkward?" Videl asked. "I didn't expect my first kiss to be on live TV."

"So it was bad?" Gohan asked, suddenly upset.

"No, it was good, I guess," Videl said. She started babbling, which was most unlike her. "I mean, I don't have any point of reference to compare it to, but once we figured out how to do it, I think it was...adequate? Erasa said it was super-cute, and she should know about that sort of thing so—"

"I liked it, too, I guess?" Gohan asked. "It was...oh man..."

"What's wrong?" Videl asked.

"I shouldn't have kissed you!" Gohan said.

"Why not?" Videl asked, a little hurt. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, it's that...kissing starts the bonding process!" Gohan said.

"Bonding process?" Videl asked, scrunching up her forehead.

"It's a Saiyan thing," Gohan said. "Saiyans mark their lifetime mates by kissing them, then biting them on the neck, and finally...um..."

Gohan whispered the rest in Videl's ear, just so no one could overhear, even though the courtyard was completely empty.

_"WHAT?"_ Videl shouted. "_Mate?_"

"I know!" Gohan said, glad someone else was as freaked out about this as he was. "Vegeta says if we don't mate within two days, I'll die!"

"You'll _die?_" Videl asked.

"I know!" Gohan said. "Saiyan Biology is the weirdest thing ever, what with all the transformations they can undergo, and—"

"I don't believe it!" Videl said, getting furious. "Dad was right! Guys really _are _a bunch of scumbags who only care about one thing!"

"What?" Gohan asked. _That_ was not the response he was expected.

"I can't believe I thought you were different!" Videl said, pointing her finger at Gohan. "You're just another perverted freak!"

"No, I don't _want_ to do this, but I _have_—!"

"Oh, sure, that's why twenty minutes after our first kiss, you start talking about having sex!" Videl snapped, trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears. "I hate you, Gohan! Leave me alone!"

Gohan started tearing up, too. "No, Videl! Listen to me! This isn't my choice!"

Videl said a bad word in response. "I can't believe you would try to trick me into having sex with you! You...you...you're worse than Sharpener!"

Gohan gasped. That was taking things _too_ far!

Videl took a deep breath and steeled her shaking emotions. Calm anger rose to the top. "You'd better hope you don't make it to the Quarter Finals, Gohan," Videl said. "Because if you do, I'm going to _kill_ you in the tournament. I don't care if it's against the rules. You deserve it."

She stormed off, leaving our hero to fall to his knees and utter a loud animal cry of anger, fear and regret.

Poor Gohan. So soon after his first kiss, he had experienced his first break-up. And he was going to die if he couldn't get Videl to—you know—with him. It was basically the worst day ever.

On the other side of the wall, Vegeta laughed to himself. That bit of drama between Gohan and Videl was even _better_ than his soap opera!


	19. Recoveries

**Author's Note: **All right, this chapter should have the long-awaited fight between Sharpener and Chi-Chi! Who will win, you ask?

...Do you _really_ have to ask?

* * *

Gohan tried to chase after Videl by following her energy signal. It led to the fighters' area, where Gohan was stopped by his father and Krillin.

"Woah there," Goku said, holding up his hand. "What's going on?"

"I need to find Videl," Gohan said.

"She just came through here, and it looked like she was crying," Goku said. "Why is that?"

"You two didn't get in a fight or anything, did you?" Krillin joked.

Gohan's face took on a serious look, and Krillin's smile wavered.

"So you _did_ get in a fight," he said. "That was fast."

"What was it about?" Goku asked.

"It's personal," Gohan said.

"Come on, we can help!" Krillin said. "I'm the expert when it comes to unlikely relationships!"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Android 18 asked.

"N-n-n-nothing, honey!" Krillin said. "It's just—well—the first time I met you, you and your brother tried to kill all my friends! That's an unlikely relationship, right?"

"Hmmm," Android 18 said, noncommittally. Personally, she was glad to see trouble between Gohan and Videl. It would distract Gohan and give 18 an upper hand in the upcoming fight.

"I know what it's like to have a girl be mad at you, too," Goku said, trying to be helpful. "Chi-Chi got mad at me all the time when we were going out! And when we got married! And after that, too, and...actually, come to think of it, she's _always_ gotten mad at me for something or other. Huh."

"Yeah!" Gohan said, realizing his father had been through this situation before. There was hope for him yet! "You know what Saiyan bonding is like! You can help _me_ with it!"

"Saiyan...bonding?" Krillin asked.

"It's a ritual that Saiyans use to pick their mates," Gohan said. "And I just unknowingly started it with Videl! Now I have to finish it in two days, or else I'll...I'll...DIE!"

"Woah," Krillin said. "That sounds pretty serious."

"It is!" Gohan said. "It starts with a kiss, which leads to biting on the neck with great ape fangs, which leads to...you know!"

"Know what?" Goku asked.

Gohan whispered loudly, "We have to...mate with each other!"

Goku scratched his head. "Are you sure? I've never heard of anything like that before."

"You...haven't?" Gohan asked.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'd remember if I grew great ape fangs and bit Chi-Chi with them," Goku said.

"But...what about hearing her voice in your head?" Gohan asked. "You two can hear each other's thoughts, right?"

"Of course not," Goku said. "We're not psychic! Where'd you get such crazy ideas?"

"But...but...Vegeta said that..." Gohan said, stopping in mid-sentence as he realized what was going on.

_Vegeta._

* * *

_Nearby, Outside the Fighters' Area_

Videl was sitting, cross-legged, eyes closed, trying to block out all of her thoughts. She didn't want to deal with her feelings right then.

"VEGETAAAAAAA!" someone shouted from not far away.

_That sounds like Gohan_, Videl thought. _He sounds pissed. Good. He deserves to be hurt._

A caring hand landed on Videl's shoulder. "Videl, are you okay? It looks like you've been crying."

"I'm fine," Videl said, before looking up into the eyes of...

Sharpener.

"AUGH!" she cried, falling over backwards. "Get your hands off me!"

"Ah, man!" Sharpener said. "Don't be mad! I was just trying to be strong and sensitive! Chicks dig that stuff!"

"Girls _hate_ it when guys pretend to be sensitive and caring!" Videl snapped back. "It's all a big lie!"

"I see what you mean," Sharpener said. Of course, he had no idea what she was talking about. He rarely did. "You're saying you want to skip the talking part and go straight to making out. I can dig that, baby!"

Sharpener puckered his lips and leaned towards Videl.

That's when something snapped inside Videl, and she went crazy. Literally. Seeing nothing but red, she began to take out her anger on Sharpener. _All_ of her anger. The poor sucker didn't even stand a chance.

* * *

"Darn," Vegeta said to himself. It sounded like Gohan had figured him out. He had been hoping for Kakarott's son to make a fool out of himself for a much longer period of time.

Oh well. Time to make himself scarce. Not that Vegeta was _scared_ of Gohan or anything. He just...didn't want to deal with him right now. Besides, those chicken wings at the all-you-can-eat buffet were calling Vegeta's name.

* * *

"I'll kill him! I'll kill him! I'll kill him!" Gohan said, over and over again.

"Uh, you might want to think of a different plan," Krillin said. "Killing Vegeta is harder than you'd think."

"He purposely screwed up my one and only chance at true love!" Gohan said, distraught.

_True love? Wow, Gohan must really like this girl,_ Goku thought. _I've got to meet her!_

"Look, calm down," Krillin said. "It's not good to get all worked up over this."

"Yes, no one cares about your girlfriend drama," Yamu said from the other side of the fighters' room.

Krillin shot Yamu a dirty look. "What he _means_ is that you should—"

Loud screams came from nearby.

"What was that?"

* * *

"Die! Die! DIE!" Videl screamed incoherently as she punched Sharpener again and again and again. He screamed just as incoherently.

Voices around her shouted, but her brain didn't register who was speaking. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered besides killing Sharpener.

"Videl! Videl! Stop!"

"Miss Videl, if you don't stop this now, you could be disqualified!"

"AAAAAAA!"

"What's happened to my sweet, innocent daughter?"

"I'll stop this," a commanding voice said. It was the only voice that didn't sound scared or upset about the situation.

The owner of the commanding voice grabbed Videl's arms from behind. Videl swung her fists uselessly and roared.

"Let me go!" Videl said.

"Not until you calm down," her captor said.

Videl stopped struggling and burst into tears, which is not as surprising as you would think, given that she was on emotional overload. She turned around and hugged the shoulder of the person holding her. "I couldn't help it..." she cried. "I had to..."

"There, there," the person said, patting her on the back on the head. "It's okay now. You're safe."

"Gohan...he was..."

A new wave of tears broke over her, and she hugged the person holding her more deeply. Her body shook, her eyes closed, and Videl didn't know what happened after that.

* * *

Gohan and Goku, as well as the other interested fighters, followed the loud noises to the nearby courtyard, where they were greeted by the strange sight of Chi-Chi holding Videl in her arms.

_Doesn't Mom hate Videl?_ Gohan wondered briefly, as he ran over. "Videl! Videl!" he cried. "Is she okay? Is she hurt?"

"Shhh," Chi-Chi shushed. "I think she's passed out."

"Passed out? What happened?" Gohan asked.

"That's exactly what _I_ want to know," Hercule said. "Videl was attacking that kid like some kind of wild animal!"

"We have to get her to the medical area," Chi-Chi said. "The poor girl needs rest, immediately. Questions can come later."

"I could use some medical attention, too," Sharpener said. "Especially if the nurse is good-looking."

"But the tournament!" the announcer said. "You're scheduled to fight this boy right now! What do we _do?_"

"You'll have to skip the fight and come back later," Chi-Chi said. "I'm not fighting until I'm sure this girl is okay."

"Me too," Gohan said.

"Oh no, you don't!" the announcer said. "The next two fights are Sharpener VS Chi-Chi and Number Eighteen VS Gohan. _One_ of you two has to fight."

"Gohan will," Chi-Chi said, giving Gohan a look which clearly said he was grounded for life (again) if he disagreed.

"But!" Gohan said.

Goku clamped his hand on Gohan's shoulder. "Don't worry, son, we'll take care of Videl for you," Goku said. "You just worry about winning your fight, okay?"

"O...okay," Gohan said softly.

"Great!" the announcer said. "Then come with me, Gohan, and we'll start the match right away!"

* * *

Two aliens watched this scene with interest.

"You know, Master," Kabito said. "I could use my healing powers to heal the girl."

"And what good would that do us?" the Supreme Kai asked.

"It would put the Z-Fighters in our debt," Kabito said.

"We _could_ use their help if the situation with Majin Buu gets out of control," the Supreme Kai said. "That's why I made sure Goku was sent here today."

"But surely none of the Earthlings are as strong as _you_, Master," Kabito said. "Their help is unnecessary. I was merely thinking that they—"

"Enough," the Supreme Kai said, holding up his hand. "Go and heal the girl, Kabito. Earn the trust of these Earthlings. It could very well come in handy."

* * *

Chi-Chi's involvement with the episode was not impossible to understand. She was scheduled to fight with Sharpener next, so it made sense that she was in the same general area that he was in.

When she saw Videl attack Sharpener, it was merely confirmation of what Chi-Chi knew all along: Videl is a horrible maniac who is all wrong for Gohan. Nobody else was doing anything but whining, so Chi-Chi stepped in to stop the little monster.

Chi-Chi was _going_ to give one of her trademark lectures, but the words died in her throat as soon as Videl started crying and held onto her. Gohan had done the same thing after the Cell Games...

_"It's all my fault!" Gohan cried. "He's gone, Mom! I killed him!"_

_"No," Chi-Chi said. "You didn't kill him. Cell did."_

_"Daddy's gone! I killed my daddy!"_ _Gohan cried. His grip on Chi-Chi tightened, as if he was afraid he'd fall off the planet if he let go._

And so Chi-Chi held onto the young girl, trying to comfort her. Chi-Chi really couldn't do anything else.

* * *

"I'm sorry to say that the fight between Chi-Chi and Sharpener has been delayed due to extenuating circumstances," the announcer told everyone. "But the show must go on, right? Here we are with our next scheduled fight, Number Eighteen versus Gohan Son!"

"Yay Gohan!" Erasa cheered.

"Bring home a victory!" VJ cheered.

"You're totally hot, and if things don't work out with Videl, call me!" Angela shouted.

"Ugh, Angela!" Erasa said.

"What? It could happen!" Angela said.

"So, how's your new girlfriend?" Android Eighteen casually asked Gohan.

Gohan frowned deeply. "I don't know," he said.

Eighteen half-smiled. If Gohan was distracted, it would make the fight easier.

"You could always throw the fight to get back to her as soon as possible," Eighteen suggested. "No sense in delaying the inevitable."

Gohan powered up. "I'll just have to fight my hardest, then!" he cried.

He flew right at Eighteen and threw a punch at her face. She brought a hand up to block the punch, closing her hand around Gohan's fist and pushing it backwards.

She brought up her knee, in order to slam it into Gohan's chest, at the same time Gohan threw his other fist at her face. The two blows connected simultaneously, and Eighteen was knocked off balance.

_Not good,_ Eighteen thought.

* * *

"No way!" Hercule cried. "Weirdo aliens have ruined my life! I won't let you hurt my daughter!"

"But this will heal her, not hurt her," Kabito tried to explain. Hercule was not listening, however.

"I said no!" Hercule said. "I've had it up to here with you aliens! Things would be easier for me if you didn't exist! Nothing would ever go wrong if you were gone!"

Hercule was jumping up and down with rage at this point, but he didn't look where he was jumping, so he accidentally slipped on a banana peel that a careless doctor had left in the area.

"She's not really that injured, though," Goku said. "Not physically, anyway. She's just exhausted. Maybe I should get a sensu bean."

"Healing would be quicker," Kabito said, laying his hands on Videl.

"WHAT?" Hercule cried. "Get your hands off my daughter, you big pink dude! No one's allowed to touch her under any circumstances! Not even if she's helping a little old lady cross the street!"

Kabito's hands glowed, and the glow sunk into Videl's body. She opened her eyes.

"Wha?" she asked, sleepily.

"Videl!" Hercule cried. "You're awake!"

"I had the strangest dream," Videl said, yawning. "I went to the Land of Oz, where we had to find some kind of wizard."

Videl looked around the room, noticing all its occupants. "And you were there, Dad. And you were there, Goku. And you were there, Chi-Chi. And _you_ were there, Mr.—Wait, you weren't there. Who are you?"

"My name is Kabito," Kabito said. "I am one of the fighters in the tournament."

"Are you feeling better?" Chi-Chi asked.

"I feel fine," Videl said. "Why am I in the medical area? Don't tell me I was knocked unconscious in my fight!"

"Something like that," Goku said. "You were fighting the blond-haired boy in the courtyard."

"Right, I remember now," Videl said, nodding. "I was beating up Sharpener for being a pervert, and...Gohan."

Videl's face turned sour.

"Gohan said some terrible things to me," she said. She wasn't going to elaborate with Gohan's parents in the room, obviously.

"He _what?_" Hercule asked. "I _knew_ you were too young for a boyfriend! See, all boys do is break your heart!"

"No way!" Chi-Chi said. "Not my Gohan! I'll ground him for a year for being mean to you!"

"Um, yeah, about that," Goku said, chuckling awkwardly. "Gohan...he was sort of tricked into saying that."

"Tricked?" Videl asked. "How could he be tricked?"

"What'd he say?" Chi-Chi demanded.

"Vegeta made up that whole story about Saiyan bonding," Goku said. "I guess he was playing a prank or something. Gohan fell for it big time."

The memory replayed in Videl's head.

_"WHAT?"__ Videl shouted. "__Mate?__"_

_"I know!" Gohan said. "Vegeta says if we don't mate within two days, I'll die!"_

"This is all _Vegeta's_ fault?" Videl cried.

"Yeah!" Goku said. "I mean, I know my son. He wouldn't make up a story like that just to trick a girl into...doing something with him."

"What did he say?" Chi-Chi asked again, sounding tortured.

"I don't like the sound of this one bit!" Hercule said.

_Gohan __is__ a horrible liar_, Videl realized. _And he wouldn't purposely hurt me like that...would he?_

"Well, I _hope_ you're right," Videl said. "Where is Gohan, anyway?"

* * *

Gohan was finding the fight against Number 18 to be tougher than he thought it would be. 17 and 18 had defeated two Super Saiyans—Vegeta and Future Trunks—shortly after killing Dr. Gero, so she could definitely hold her own against an untransformed Gohan.

However, like Gohan, Number 18 had not kept up with her training during the seven years of peace. There was no need for her to do so, when there were no enemies to fight. Gohan's extra month of training in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber gave him a slight advantage in this regard.

The advantage was very slight indeed, because most of 18's fighting skills were part of her internal computer, where a lack of training could have no detrimental effect.

_Man, wish I could go Super Saiyan 2 and beat her in no time flat_, Gohan thought. He was pretty confident that, after his month of training, he could regain his Super Saiyan 2 form at any time, without _too_ much effort. He _probably_ should have tested that theory before leaving the Time Chamber, but since he agreed not to turn Super Saiyan at the tournament, what was the point of doing so?

"And the fight just keeps going!" the announcer cried. "It looks like neither contestant has an edge over the other in terms of skill or strength; I think endurance is going to be the determining factor!"

Eighteen smiled. "Hear that? Good thing I can fight longer than you."

"Oh, yeah?"

"It's one of the advantages of being mostly machine," she said.

"Ha!" Gohan said. "I've used the school computers, and trust me: machines rarely work the way they're supposed to."

* * *

Videl was given immediate permission to leave the first aid area, and she practically ran to the arena, leaving the three adults behind her.

"So, uh..." Hercule said. "Does this mean we're...you know...talking again?"

"I _suppose_ so," Chi-Chi sighed. "I don't think there's any way we can stop our kids from seeing each other."

"Yeah, that was unexpected," Hercule said. "I mean, our kids getting together like that. 'Cause I was kinda thinking that _we_ might—"

"That was never going to happen," Chi-Chi interrupted, quickly.

"Right," Hercule said, glumly. "I know that now." With the return of Chi-Chi's husband, Hercule knew that his chances of going out with Chi-Chi were completely gone. Oh well. Maybe next time, he'd like a girl who was less prone to having near-constant fits of rage.

"What was never going to happen?" Goku asked, confused.

"Nothing important," Chi-Chi said, grabbing onto Goku's arm with both of her arms. "Can we talk in private, Goku?"

"Um, okay, I guess!" Goku said.

"Yeah, sure, I'll just go up ahead and see if I can catch the end of the fight," Hercule said, knowing he wasn't wanted. "See ya!"

Hercule jogged away, leaving Chi-Chi and Goku alone.

"What is it, Chi-Chi?" Goku asked.

"It's...Gohan," she said. "This...this is his first girlfriend."

"Yeah, our boy is really growing up, huh?" Goku said, smiling. "Hard to believe what can happen in seven years!"

"_And you missed it!"_ Chi-Chi snapped.

"What?"

"Goku, our sons are growing up, and you missed it all!" Chi-Chi said. She was in a strange limbo between shouting and crying. "Hell, you didn't even know Goten existed before today! And tomorrow you're just going to disappear again, and leave me all alone! It's not fair!"

"I don't _want_ to leave you guys," Goku said. "But Baba says that—"

"I don't care! Your sons need you, Goku. _I _need you," Chi-Chi said. "Showing up for only one day is cruel to us."

"Oh, Chi-Chi..." Goku said, hugging his wife. "I _wanted_ to come back for good. After I made that decision—I mean, after I told everyone not to wish me back with the dragon balls—I changed my mind about an hour later. I _wanted_ to tell everyone to get the dragon balls and wish me back, but King Kai wouldn't allow it. He said dead people aren't allowed to communicate with the living."

"Really?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Yeah," Goku said. "I didn't want to leave any of you. I stayed on Snake Way for about a week before King Kai forced me to move on."

"Oh..." Chi-Chi said. "I didn't know." She thought Goku would have instantly embraced his new adventures in the afterlife, where he completely forgot about his friends on Earth.

"Gah, it was such a stupid decision!" Goku said angrily. "I thought I was protecting the planet by staying dead, but _nobody's_ attacked the planet to kill me! Vegeta came here because of the dragon balls, not me! Cell came here to find the androids, not me! And Frieza didn't even know I _existed_ before I landed on Namek! Why did I think I could protect you by not coming back to life?"

"But you're here now," Chi-Chi said. "Can't you do something about it?"

"No, I don't have any control over the situation," Goku said despondently. "I don't think Baba does either, actually. I get the feeling she was _told_ to bring me back to life for a day, like she didn't have a choice."

Goku had overheard Baba and the Grand Kai talking about the situation in the Other World. Even the Grand Kai's power couldn't convince Baba to keep Goku in heaven. It was like there was someone even _more_ important than the Grand Kai, pulling strings behind the shadows...but who? And why?

"Well, we have one last day together," Chi-Chi said. "Let's make the best of it."

* * *

Videl stopped cold when she entered the fighters' area on the way to the stadium. Standing in the corner of the room, eating a bucket of chicken wings, was Vegeta.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she asked, coldly.

"Hmmm?" Vegeta said, looking up. Then he smirked. "Oh, well, if it isn't the happy bondmate! Have fun with the Saiyan bonding process yet?"

"I heard you made that all up, just to trick Gohan," Videl said, pointing an accusing finger at the arrogant prince.

"And what are _you_ going to do about it?" Vegeta asked. "You're not strong enough to hurt me, and it's not _my_ fault that your boyfriend is too stupid to separate fact from fiction!"

"You leave me and my boyfriend alone!" Videl said. She still felt kind of weird calling Gohan her boyfriend, but now was not the time to debate her relationship status. Now was time for telling that spiky-haired jerk to back off!

Vegeta laughed. "I do _what_ I want, _when_ I want, and no one can stop me!"

Videl was _seriously_ beginning to wish her father didn't destroy the Saiyan-stopping watch. She was going to have to get another one from...

"What about Bulma?" Videl asked.

Vegeta's smile instantly disappeared. The smile reappeared on Videl's face as she realized she had just scored a major hit.

"Don't make me tell your wife what you've done," Videl threatened. "She happens to _like_ me and Gohan, you know."

Vegeta scowled. "Leave Bulma out of this!"

"As long as _you_ leave _us_ out of it!" Videl demanded. "Got it?"

Vegeta grunted and crossed his arms. Videl stuck her nose in the air and marched through the fighters' area to the arena.

* * *

I'm sure you can figure out what happened next. Videl ran straight to the edge of the fighting ground and called out to her new boyfriend.

"Gohan! Gohan!"

_"Videl?"_ Gohan asked. "You're...alive?"

"Of course, I'm alive, you idiot!" Videl called. "And I know the whole story now, and I'm sorry for getting mad, and I forgive you, and please win the fight for me, okay?"

"YEAH!" Gohan said.

"Could you _not_ give my opponent a pep talk?" Eighteen grumbled.

Spurred on by his newfound energy, Gohan was able to defeat Android Eighteen. Well, not _defeat_ her—she was too strong to be completely destroyed _that_ easily—but at least she was solidly slammed into the ground outside of the ring, and Gohan was able to reunite with his special someone.

"And Number Eighteen is _out of the ring!_" the announcer cried. "Gohan wins!"

The stadium erupted with cheers, the loudest ones coming from the section with the Orange Star High School students.

Videl ran onto the stage, into Gohan's arms.

"Oh, Videl, I'm sorry for being such an idiot and believing Vegeta," Gohan said.

"It's okay," Videl said. "I shouldn't have believed you're a pervert. I know you're not like that."

"We may not be bondmates, but I really like you, Videl," Gohan said. "It hurt to have you so mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you anymore," Videl said, throwing her arms behind Gohan's neck.

The two of them kissed for the second time. Once again, it was recorded on the big TV screen for all the world to see. The two of them were starting to give a whole new meaning to the term "public display of affection".

* * *

**Author's Note: **Um...okay, never mind! This chapter _didn't_ have the long-awaited fight between Sharpener and Chi-Chi! Next chapter, I promise!


	20. Round One Ends

**Author's Note: **All right, time for the fight between Sharpener and Chi-Chi! And the fight between Piccolo and Yamu, and, well, all the other fights in Round One, actually. Here are the standings so far:

1. Vegeta – WINNER  
2. Mighty Mask  
3. Hercule  
4. Goku - WINNER

5. Spopovich – WINNER  
6. Filler  
7. Sharpener  
8. Chi-Chi

9. Number 18  
10. Gohan - WINNER  
11. The Junior  
12. Yamu

13. Kabito  
14. Shin  
15. Krillin  
16. Videl

* * *

Sharpener was upset. He was hoping to meet a good-looking nurse in the first aid area. Instead, some old monk dude tried to take care of him! Not cool!

Sharpener rubbed the wound on his elbow. At least he got a totally awesome Hello Kitty band-aid out of the situation!

It was still kind of weird having the monk kiss his boo-boo, though.

Still, he was super-psyched and ready to fight his opponent: some dude named Chi-Chi Son. More like Chi-Chi _Done_, because that's what he'd be once Sharpener was through with him! Yeah! Sharpener! Sharpener! Sharpener!

They would probably name him President of Earth after his amazing victory. That's how awesome it was going to be.

In fact, it would be _so_ awesome that Videl would be his new girlfriend. Sharpener was surprised that she wasn't his girlfriend already, after she saw how he soundly defeated that Goten kid she was going out with! Okay, so technically, Goten won the fight, but we all know who _really_ won, am I right? You know who I mean.

That would be Sharpener, in case you don't know. But of course, you do. How could anyone not know Sharpener, easily the most important person in all of Hercule City and future President of Earth (soon to be renamed Planet Sharpener)?

* * *

"Okay, so for my amazing entrance, can you turn on the fog machine?" Sharpener asked the announcer.

"We don't have a fog machine," the announcer said.

"Great, then turn off all the lights so no one can see anything," Sharpener said, not listening to the announcer. "Then set the spotlight on me as I step through the fog to the cheers of the crowd."

"We're in an open-air stadium," the announcer said. "We _can't_ turn off the lights to put the focus on you."

"And _then_, start playing some epic music. Something like The Hokey Pokey or the Sharpener Rap."

"The Sharpener Rap?"

"Why, yes, I _will_ perform the Sharpener Rap for you!" Sharpener said, stealing the microphone. "Hit it!"

_Yo, my name is Sharp-  
And I don't play on the harp-  
'Cause I'm the coolest rapper, yo!  
Yo yo yo yo!_

At this point in the rap, Sharpener started playing with a yo-yo.

_I'm Sharpener, and I'm super cool,  
The ladies in my school  
They all like Sharpener  
And they're not...um...carpenters._

_'Cause that would be weird,  
And...I'd look totally awesome with a beard  
This one time I tried growing a mustache for Halloween so I could be Super Mario, but it didn't work out because it wasn't long enough, and besides, my hair is the wrong color, although now that I think about it I totally could have gotten a wig,  
And the ladies all dig...  
__ME!_

_Sha-sha-sha-sha-Sharpener!_

It was a good thing that the microphone wasn't turned on, and that Sharpener wasn't allowed to dance anymore, or else there could have been massive casualties.

"Just out of curiosity, how did _you_ make it into the tournament?" the announcer asked. "You're a very, erm, unconventional fighter."

"I have wicked strong arms from my mad baseball skills," Sharpener said.

In reality, Sharpener tripped on his shoelaces and smashed his head against the punching machine. Naturally, Sharpener's head is the hardest part of his body. He has a _very _thick skull.

Sharpener put his arm around the announcer. "Craig, buddy, let me tell you, when this fight is over, all our dreams will come true!"

"My name isn't Craig," the announcer said.

"You'll have that red balloon you always wanted, and I'll have the girlfriend I always wanted," Sharpener said. "So let's start the match, buddy."

"If it means you'll take your arm off of me, sure," the announcer said.

Sharpener took his arm away from his new BFF, Craig, and he started getting pumped up for the fight. That Chi-Chi Dude was going down!

"Annnnnnnd now! Our next fight: Chi-Chi Son VS The Sharpmeister!"

Sharpener ran onstage, ready to fight his opponent. Chi-Chi was probably a small little weakling, who would give up before the fight even got started. Needless to say, Sharpener was in for a surprise.

"Chi-Chi is a _chick?_" Sharpener asked, stunned.

"Hey, watch your mouth!" Chi-Chi said. "I'm old enough to be your mother!"

"Aw, man, I can't fight a girl!" Sharpener said.

"Why not?" the announcer asked.

"Because!" Sharpener said. "She's a total babe!"

"WHAAAAT?" Chi-Chi screeched.

* * *

_Sharpener's Science Lesson:_

Sharpener doesn't know much about science—he leaves that sort of thing to nerds like Gohan—but he does know that, scientifically speaking, he is very similar to the sun. For one thing, both Sharpener and the sun are yellowish. The world revolves around them. And they are both super, super hot.

Now, if you get close to the sun, you become really hot, too. In the same way, if you get close to Sharpener, you become hotter. That's why Videl is the hottest girl in school; she sits next to him in class, so she has received more of Sharpener's Hotness Rays than anyone else.

At the time of the fight, Chi-Chi Son was the person who was standing closest to Sharpener. Sharpener figured this meant that she was receiving more of Sharpener's Hotness Rays than anyone else. In other words, she was officially the hottest girl on the planet.

* * *

"Let's not fight," Sharpener said. "Let's—"

Chi-Chi smashed Sharpener in the face before he could finish that sentence. Then she smashed him in the stomach. Then the leg. Then the back. Then the—well, you get the idea. She hit Sharpener in many different places before it became obvious that Sharpener wasn't fighting back.

"I know what you're trying to tell me," Sharpener said. "You want me to sing you a love song."

"NOOO!" howled the announcer.

Sharpener immediately made up a song which revealed the passionate emotions of his heart:

_I love you,  
You love me,  
We're a happy fami—_

Chi-Chi tried her best to beat Sharpener senseless, but it wasn't working. Sharpener was too love-sick to feel anything.

"Marry me!" he said.

"I'm _already_ married!" Chi-Chi said.

"What?" Sharpener flared up. "_Who_ dared to marry you?"

"Goku did," Chi-Chi said. Then, thinking quickly, she added, "I'll divorce him if you throw the fight for me."

Happy to have this opportunity to marry the love of his life, AKA the girl that he met two minutes ago, Sharpener ran out of the ring as quickly as he possibly could.

"Chi-Chi Son wins!" the announcer cried.

Everyone cheered.

"Let's get married, Sugar Plum!" Sharpener said. "We can move to Hawaii and—"

Out of the corner of his eye, Sharpener saw a pretty girl. He immediately forgot about Chi-Chi and went chasing after this new woman.

'Cause that's how he rolls.

* * *

"This is great!" Chi-Chi said. "All three of us made it to the second round!"

Goku pulled Gohan and Chi-Chi in for a Son Family Hug™. "I'm so proud of you two!"

"You'll be even prouder when I defeat Vegeta in the tournament!" Gohan said.

"You seem pretty sure of yourself," Chi-Chi noted. "Hasn't Vegeta been training every single day for the past seven years?"

"Yeah, but I have a secret weapon," Gohan whispered. "I can turn Super Saiyan 2, just like I did when I fought Cell! Vegeta can't stand up to that that!"

Goku blinked. "But Gohan, Vegeta can _already_ go Super Saiyan 2," he said.

Gohan's confidence immediately shattered. "What?"

"You probably don't remember because it happened when we were in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber," Goku said. "He went Super Saiyan 2 and easily defeated the Imperfect Cell."

"It doesn't matter," Chi-Chi said. "Goku's going to beat that nasty jerk first thing in Round Two, right, Goku?"

"Yeah, you get him for me!" Gohan said. "Show him what happens when he messes with my girlfriend!"

"Speaking of which," Chi-Chi said. "I think we're going to have to lay down some ground rules for your relationship with Videl."

"Ground rules?"

"I'm sure Hercule will help us come up with a list of things that you two can and cannot do. For example, no more kissing. Or dating. Just spending time in school together should be enough."

"Mo-om!" Gohan complained, upset that his mom was being overprotective again. "I'm an adult now! I should be allowed to see my girlfriend whenever I want!"

"No way!" Chi-Chi said. "If you're allowed to see your girlfriend whenever you want, or _do_ whatever you want with her, the consequences could be disastrous! I've seen the latest reports on teen pregnancies!"

_First Vegeta, now Mom,_ Gohan thought. _Why does everyone think I'm going to get Videl pregnant?_

* * *

"Our next fight is The Junior versus Yamu," the announcer said. "Let's hope it's a good one!"

Piccolo glared at Yamu in an attempt to spook him. Yamu just grinned.

"Try me, Green Man," Yamu said.

Piccolo flew at Yamu and attacked, but it soon became clear that Yamu was no ordinary opponent. He seemed to be drawing energy from an unlimited source, as if some evil wizard was supplying him with power. (*cue dramatic foreshadowing music*)

Power isn't everything in determining a fight, however. Piccolo was soon forced to throw away his weighted clothes in order to gain an advantage in speed. Yamu seemed unperturbed.

"You're fast, but you're not strong enough," Yamu said.

"I'm plenty strong to defeat you!" Piccolo said.

"We're looking for someone stronger," Yamu said. "I should end this."

_We? Looking?_ Piccolo wondered. _What is he babbling about?_

In the stands, the Supreme Kai nodded slightly, his suspicious about Yamu and Spopovich's mission confirmed.

Having decided that the fight was worthless, Yamu tried to perform some finishing moves on Piccolo. The green alien was not so easily defeated, however, and he fought back in a very impressive manner—

Actually, you know what? Instead of _me_ explaining what happened, I think I'll let Sharpener take over the narrative for a while.

* * *

Sharpener: Cool. So the green dude was fighting the gray dude. And the green dude has, like, antenna things which look weird and cool at the same time. The gray dude was kinda small, but also pretty strong.

Of course, neither of them could stand up to _me_ in a fight. I am, after all, the World Champion To Be. It doesn't matter that I lost twice. I'm still going to get that Champion's Belt, just you wait and see. Then, Videl will _totally_ go out with me!

I can't _believe_ she kissed Gohan, though. Why would she _do_ something like that? Is it because they both have black hair?

That's it, isn't it? They have the same hair color, so they have to be a couple. I guess that makes sense. But...if that's true, then I can't go out with Videl! I'll have to go out with Erasa! And that's not cool. I mean, I _like_ Erasa and all, but Videl and I are the hottest kids in school. That means we _have_ to go out.

But why does she like _Gohan?_ Is it because he's all smart and stuff? I can be smart and sensitive! Check out this poem I wrote for her!

Videl, Videl,  
Why can't you tell  
How much I want to date you?  
I do, it's true.  
The sky is blue.  
And cheese is delicious.

Did you read that poem? Did you _read_ it? That's, like, the best haiku ever! But Videl didn't like it.

I'm so crushed right now. I know I should move on, but I just can't! Videl is so beautiful, with her black hair and her...um...green eyes. They are green, right? I forget what color her eyes are.

Anyway, if she's, like, _really_ with Gohan now, I guess I should stop chasing after her. Gohan's my buddy, kind of, so I should respect him and his new girlfriend.

_Naaaah_. Videl's a chick, which means she's exactly my type!

* * *

Okay, thanks for that amazingly informative description of the fight, Sharpener. I'm going to take back control of the narration now, if that's okay.

As Sharpener was _trying_ to say, Yamu defeated Piccolo with his near-unlimited energy. He simply loaded his punches with too strong and too much energy, pushing the Namekian backwards and onto the ground outside of the ring. It wasn't a very long fight.

"Tough luck for The Juror," the announcer said.

"That's _Junior!_" Piccolo snapped.

"Er, I mean, The Junior. Yamu advances to the next round, where he will fight Gohan Son," the announcer said. "And this brings us to the last bracket of the first round! We have two fights: Kabito versus Shin and Krillin versus Videl. Then we'll move on to round two!"

Kabito and the Supreme Kai walked calmly onstage. The Supreme Kai seemed undisturbed, but Kabito was nervous.

"Master, we cannot fight for real," Kabito said. "If you were to reveal your awesome powers, Babidi's minions would attack you for sure!"

"Do not say that name where they can hear you," the Supreme Kai warned.

"My apologies," Kabito said. "But the fight?"

"We must give these humans a good show," the Supreme Kai said. "Seven minutes ought to satisfy them."

"As you wish," Kabito said.

* * *

Videl was doing stretches to prepare for her upcoming match.

"Good luck, Videl," Gohan said. "I hope you win!"

"I'm _going_ to win," Videl said, with her father's confidence.

"Maybe we'll see each other in the semi-finals, then," Gohan said. "That'd be an interesting fight."

"You wouldn't go easy on me, just because I'm your girlfriend now, would you?" Videl grinned.

"What? Me? No! Not easy! I mean..." Gohan spluttered. "You're officially my girlfriend now?"

"Well, we've kissed twice on national television," Videl said. "What did you think?"

"I'm not sure what to think," Gohan said, looking down because he was feeling embarrassed. "I've never had a girlfriend before, to be honest. I don't know what it's like."

"Hey, look up," Videl said, putting her hand on Gohan's chin and tilting his chin up slightly so he was looking at her. "I've never had a boyfriend before, so I don't know what it's like, either. But we can figure it out together, okay?"

"But...but...what if I screw it up somehow?" Gohan asked. "What if I hurt you accidentally? Or you get hurt fighting bad guys?"

"Then your green alien buddy can fix me up again, like he did last time," Videl said. "Try not to worry, okay? That's our parents' job."

* * *

"And now, for the FINAL BATTLE of Round One!" the announcer cried. "Are you ready? We have Videl Satan versus Krillin [insert Krillin's last name here]!"

"Vi-del! Vi-del! Vi-del!" the crowd chanted.

"Wow, you sure are popular," Krillin said.

"I guess you could say I'm a local celebrity," Videl explained. "My father _is _the world champ."

"Not this year," Krillin said.

"Of course, not this year," Videl said. "This year, _I'm_ going to win!"

"If you say so," Krillin said graciously.

The two of them exchanged the customary handshake before starting the match. Videl started off by attacking Krillin. She put more power into her attacks than she usually did when fighting criminals, because she knew Krillin could handle it.

And in fact, Krillin could. He was blocking her blows successfully. In fact, he wasn't even fighting back. His plan was to conserve energy by blocking, and to let Videl wear herself out.

"Why can't I land a punch?" Videl wondered out loud.

"Heh heh, guess I'm better than you thought?" Krillin asked.

"Well, I'm better than _you_ thought," Videl said. "Take that!"

She charged up an energy ball in her right palm and threw it at Krillin. He was taken by complete surprise and got knocked backwards.

"You can do energy attacks?" Krillin asked. _I thought she was as weak as her father!_

"I taught myself how to do them," Videl bragged. "I saw Gohan use them, and figured out how to do them myself." That wasn't true—after all, Gohan gave her flying lessons, and she had help from Goten—but it sounded more impressive for her to claim she was completely self-taught.

'That's good," Krillin said. "How long have you been doing them?"

"For about a month," Videl said, confidently.

"I've been doing them for about thirty years," Krillin said.

Videl's confidence shattered. "Thirty years?"

"Yep, since before you were born," Krillin said. "Bet Gohan didn't teach you the Kamehameha, did he?"

"The Kamewhatnow?"

"Thought not," Krillin said. "No offense, but I don't think you're strong enough to be one of the Z-Fighters yet."

"We'll see about that!" Videl said, attacking with renewed vigor. That was when Krillin decided to start counter-attacking. He avoided one of Videl's punches and instead punched her in the jaw. She brought a kick to his leg in retaliation.

_I'll have to try more of those energy balls_, Videl thought, although she knew she could only make about fifteen of them before becoming exhausted. Krillin wasn't close enough to the edge for the energy balls to push him back, though. She'd have to get him close to the edge, first.

On Krillin's next attack, she tried grabbing his arm and spinning him around. The idea was to use Krillin's own momentum against him, but instead, he grabbed _her_ arm and spun her around. Soon, Videl was closer to the edge of the ring than she wanted to be.

"It looks like Krillin is close to knocking Videl out of the ring," the announcer said. "Can Videl come back in this fight?"

Videl scowled. She wasn't doing _that_ badly. Time for some unconventional fighting techniques. She jumped forward, with her foot outstretched. Fortunately, Krillin is short, so she was able to plant her foot on Krillin's forehead, and then push herself up and backwards, out of the ring.

She would have fallen, if she didn't know how to hover in midair.

_Now, I just need to get him underneath me..._

"Bet you can't reach me out here, can you?" Videl taunted.

Krillin flew up to Videl's level. "I sure can!" he said.

_Ach! I need him __under__ me, not level with me!_

Videl's flying lessons from Gohan were just that: flying lessons. He wasn't training her in the art of aerial combat, so she wasn't able pull off some flying moves that she wanted to, like a quick dodge upwards when Krillin flew at her. She _tried_ pushing up quickly, but Krillin still hit her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her.

Instead of recuperating and regaining her midair stance, Videl sort of fell over, so she was on top of Krillin. She stopped using her energy to hold herself up, so the two fighters started slowly sinking towards the ground.

_This works,_ Videl thought. She started gathering her energy inside herself for a big attack.

Krillin pushed his energy against the ground, trying to stop himself from landing on the ground. This was not as easy as it sounded, given that a girl was literally lying on top of him. He changed plans and threw his energy to the right instead, trying to get out from under Videl.

_Now!_ Videl thought.

She let go of all her gathered energy by firing off some energy waves below her. It was an unexpected move by Z-fighter standards—after all, the Z-Fighters generally use visible energy waves when powering up. They don't use energy waves as attack techniques, mainly because they don't do damage; they just push an enemy back. And so, Videl's use of an energy wave as an attack should have caught Krillin off-guard, pushing him into the ground and thereby winning her the fight.

Only Krillin had flown to the left, so Videl was shooting her energy at nothing. And because there was nothing holding her up, she fell to the ground. Panicking, she threw out as much energy as she could to keep herself up, and she managed to resume hovering about four inches above the grass.

She let loose a quick sigh of relief, when Krillin landed on top of her, smashing her into the ground.

"Krillin wins!" the announcer cried.

"No!" Videl cried.

Krillin helped Videl get back to her feet. "Hey, good fight," Krillin said.

"I guess," Videl grumbled. She wasn't expecting to lose in the first round.

"Don't look so upset," Krillin said. "You did really well for someone who just learned about energy techniques. Heck, if I didn't dodge at the end there, you _definitely _would have won!"

Whether or not this was true, Videl distinctly cheered up. "Really?" she asked.

"Yeah!" Krillin said. "Now come on, I bet your boyfriend wants to, ahem, _comfort _you after your loss. If he can avoid poking you in the eye, that is."

Krillin grinned and chuckled. He was the only one who saw Gohan and Videl's fumbled first kiss, and he was planning on teasing them about it for a while. In fact, months afterwards, once the teasing had stopped, Krillin held a special place of esteem in the young couple's minds for teaching them how to kiss correctly.

Videl shook his hand. "I'm sure we'll fight again," she said.

* * *

The TV stations all took a fifteen minute break as they prepared for round two, and this story is going to do the same. See you in the quarter-finals, everyone!

Round Two:

1. Vegeta  
2. Goku

3. Spopovich  
4. Chi-Chi

5. Gohan  
6. Yamu

7. Shin  
8. Krillin


	21. Bibbety Bobbety Boo!

**Author's Note: **Apparently, I completely messed up in the last chapter, because Vegeta did _not_ go Super Saiyan 2 to fight Imperfect Cell. He became Super Vegeta, which is _totally different_ from Super Saiyan 2. It is also apparently different from an Ascended Saiyan.

Conclusion: DBZ needs to be more specific about this kind of thing.

Anyway, I apologize for mistaking the yellow, glowing transformation for the _other_ yellow, glowing transformation. I am deeply ashamed, and I had to sit in time out for ten whole minutes before I could continue writing this story.

Also, Yamu totally pwns Piccolo, hands down. Yamu has Evil Magic Wizard power on his side, which beats Changing Your Clothes Whenever You Want power. Apologies to all Piccolo fans; rest assured that Piccolo will win a fight in the next chapter, and thereby regain his status as best fighter whose skin color starts with the letter "g".

* * *

"The first fight of Round Two is Prince Vegeta Versus Goku Son!" the announcer cried. "I've been told these two men are fierce rivals, and they're eager to see who is strongest!"

The crowd started cheering for Goku to win. Apparently, after Hercule's defeat, Goku had become the crowd favorite.

"You'll need more than cheers to help you through _this_ one, Kakarott!" Vegeta smirked. "Finally, I'll show you once and for all what a _true_ warrior is like!"

Vegeta flew at Goku and let loose a series of super-fast punches. Goku dodged them all, except the one to the stomach. Goku doubled up, and Vegeta followed with a punch to the back. Goku flipped over and brought a high kick to Vegeta's head, which Vegeta blocked with one hand.

Of course, the fight between Goku and Vegeta caught the attention of all the people watching. And unfortunately for our heroes, two brainwashed fiends were watching intently.

"The power reader!" Yamu said. "It's going haywire! The power those two are exerting is off the charts!"

"How much power is it?" Spopovich asked.

"It's...it's over 9000!" Yamu cried. "These are the ones that Babidi must be looking for!"

"Let's get them!" Spopovich cried.

"You grab the small one, I'll suck him dry!" Yamu cried.

The two gray goons flew into the ring. The giant Spopovich enveloped Vegeta in a bear hug from behind, while Yamu jabbed the energy-draining device in his gut.

"What the—?"

"Hey, stop!"

"It appears that Spopovich and Yamu have entered the ring!" the announcer cried. "That's...that's against the rules! Stop immediately!"

"Yeah, we were fighting here!" Goku cried.

Vegeta struggled against his captor, uttering a string of harsh curses in the Saiyan language, such as _cha-la, head-cha-la,_ and_ arigatou_. But as he struggled, Vegeta felt himself growing weaker by the second as his energy was forcibly taken.

"They are attacking Prince Vegeta!" the announcer cried. "If you two don't leave _this instant_, you are automatically disqualified!"

The people in the stands were oddly silent, completely confused as to what was going on. The only one not silent was Bulma, who had to be restrained from running onstage.

"Gack!" Vegeta cried.

"Vegeta, are you okay?" Goku asked.

"_Do something, you idiot!_" Vegeta cried.

"Right," Goku said, landing on the ground next to Yamu. "Ka—Me—Ha—Me—"

"HA!" cried Yamu. "You're next, Fool!"

"Haaaa!" cried Goku, letting loose the Kamehameha attack. Yamu instantly went flying, head-first, into the nearest wall.

The nearest wall being thirty feet away.

Spopovich kneed Vegeta from behind to incapacitate him, and let go of the Saiyan Prince. Vegeta fell forward to the ground. Spopovich then pounced on Goku.

"Him next!" Spopovich grinned. Goku struggled uselessly for a few seconds. Yamu flew back to the arena, energy-sucking device in hand, when Vegeta absolutely _pounded_ the back of Spopovich's head with a double-fisted attack.

_How is he still moving?_ Spopovich wondered.

"You're going to wish you hadn't attacked me," Vegeta said.

Goku broke free of Spopovich's hold, and took his place next to his sometimes-enemy, sometimes-friend. The two Saiyans were now facing the two gray attackers. "Thanks, Vegeta," he said.

Vegeta grunted in response. "Shall we take care of these two goons?"

"Yeah," Goku said. "On three. One...two..."

Spopovich and Yamu turned around and flew away as quickly as possible before Goku could say "three".

"What the _hell_ was that?" Vegeta cried.

* * *

The fight was officially delayed for ten minutes, as the judges tried to figure out what to do. According to the rules, Spopovich and Yamu were disqualified. But...the rule book didn't say how to continue the tournament if two fighters flew away during the second round.

The Supreme Kai, meanwhile, gathered all the Z-Fighters and explained the situation to them.

"Spopovich and Yamu are working for an evil wizard," the Supreme Kai said. "They stole Vegeta's energy so they could resurrect an ancient monster that is trapped here on this planet."

"An ancient _monster?_" Hercule cried.

"Yes," the Supreme Kai said. "Many years ago, there was an evil wizard named Bibidi. He had a son named Babidi. Both of them know how to control the monster known as Majin Buu."

"Buu is strong enough to destroy the entire universe," Kabito said, taking up the narrative. "Bibidi trapped him in a ball several eons ago, but now Babidi seeks to release him."

"Woah, woah, woah, wait a sec," Videl said. "Did you say their names were _Bibbety Bobbety Boo?_"

"That's right," Supreme Kai said.

"Like the fairy godmother's song from _Cinderella?_" Videl asked. When she was younger, Videl went through a phase where she wanted to be Cinderella. She watched the movie every day for about a month (which drove Hercule and Denira—Videl's mother—absolutely nuts), and she even dressed as Cinderella for Halloween.

"Oh, I loved that movie!" the announcer said. He began to sing the song. "Put 'em together and what have you got? Bibbety bobbety boo!"

Supreme Kai looked stern. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but this is deadly serious. The last time Majin Buu was set free, he went all throughout the galaxy, going from planet to planet—"

"Trying to find the matching slipper?" Hercule asked. Yamcha burst out laughing at this comment.

"_Destroying every planet he came upon!_" Supreme Kai shouted.

"You know, I never understood that part of the story," the announcer said. "Why didn't the shoe fit anyone else? Was Cinderella the only person in the kingdom who wore a size eight slipper or something?"

"I never thought of that," Videl said.

"I'm sure that Spopovich and Yamu are headed back to their secret base, wherever it is," Supreme Kai said. "We have to follow them to the base, then destroy it before Babidi can release Buu."

"Buu is the last thing Babidi needs to gain control of the universe," Kabito said.

"Right!" Videl said. "He tried other evil monsters..." Then she burst into song. "But the thingamabob / that does the job / is bibbety bobbety boo!"

The announcer began singing along with her. "Oh, alakamoo..."

"Somebody shut those two idiots up!" Vegeta complained.

The Supreme Kai suddenly began to have serious fears about the fate of the universe.

"We can explain more on the way," Supreme Kai said. "For now, it is imperative that we follow Spopovich and Yamu as quickly as possible. Now who's with me?"

Silence met these words.

"Well, the thing is, we're kind of in the middle of a tournament right now," Goku said. "I'm sure these Cinderella monsters are bad, but can't they wait until the tournament is over?"

"But the fate of the entire _universe_ could be at stake here!" Supreme Kai said.

"I'm not leaving here until my fight with Kakarott is complete," Vegeta said. "Nothing is going to change my mind. Take the fighters who _aren't_ competing, like Green Man over there."

"My name is Piccolo," Piccolo said. "And I used to be the Guardian of Earth. I know how serious this must be if the Supreme Kai himself has asked for help."

"What's a Guardian of Earth?" Videl asked. "Actually, what's a Supreme Cake?"

"Kai," Gohan corrected. "They're both supernatural beings that protect the welfare of the planet. Whenever something bad happens, they step in and fix things."

"Sort of like a fairy godmother, then," Hercule said, rubbing his chin. Hercule was thinking about asking why these super-powerful, protective beings did absolutely nothing to help the world when Cell attacked, but he wasn't sure how to bring up the topic without sounding rude.

Hercule didn't know about Frieza, but that would have been a good topic to bring up, too. Frieza terrorized the entire universe, destroying planets and races as he pleased. Why didn't the Kais step in to help, if they're so concerned about the galaxy's welfare?

Answer: Supreme Kai and Kabito were on vacation for the past 200 years. Besides, King Kai said he had it covered.

"So you'll help us?" Supreme Kai said.

"Yes," Piccolo said. "And everyone else who isn't fighting should help, too."

Number Eighteen sighed and stepped forward. "I guess I can help," she said. "After all, I'm already out of the tournament."

"Me too! Me too!" Goten and Trunks said, jumping up and down. Their mothers hushed them.

"You are _not_ going to fight some ancient monster!" Chi-Chi said.

"You two get into enough mischief as it is," Bulma said. "Trying to sneak into the adult's competition as Mighty Mask! For shame!"

"I can watch the kids," Videl offered. "I'm going, too."

"No way!" Gohan said. "I can't let you get hurt!"

"Yeah, but I'm a superhero," Videl said, sounding a lot more confident than she felt, going into a situation where the super-powered aliens were scared to fight. "Saving the world is what I do."

"Then let's go!" the Supreme Kai said. He took to the skies, followed by Kabito and Piccolo. Eighteen waited for a second, then flew after them, along with Videl.

"Videl! NO!" Gohan cried.

"I'll be fine!" Videl called back as she flew off. "Bye, Dad! Bye, Gohan!"

Chi-Chi, meanwhile, had a _very_ firm grip on Goten, who was trying his hardest to fly away. Trunks had already escaped Bulma's grasp and had flown to parts unknown.

"This is terrible!" the announcer said.

"Yeah, they could all die!" Gohan said.

"No, I mean, the tournament!" the announcer said. "That's _three_ of our competitors gone! Spopovich, Yamu, _and_ Shin! What am I supposed to do?"

"Have a battle royale?" Hercule suggested.

"You're _not_ stopping the fight between me and Kakarott!" Vegeta threatened.

"Why can't you just find new fighters to take the place of the missing ones?" Bulma suggested.

The announcer thought for a moment. "I _could_ do that...but that seems like it'd give an unfair advantage to the new people, having them start off in the quarter-finals."

"I know!" Master Roshi said. "You could invite one of the former World Champions to fight! A wise old fighter who knows all the greatest techniques!"

Master Roshi puffed out his chest, waiting for everyone to agree that he was, in fact, the greatest World Champion of All Time, and that he should _totally_ join the tournament.

"I hear you, old dude!" Hercule said. "I would _definitely _be willing to rejoin the tournament!"

_"Not you!"_ Master Roshi said. "Someone who's super-strong and one of the best fighters alive today!"

"Aw, gee, Master Roshi," Yamcha said. "I didn't know you thought so highly of me!"

"I meant_ me!_" Master Roshi cried. "I'm the former champion, Jackie Chun!"

"_Oh..._" everyone said.

"But you're kind of...old," the announcer said.

"Age doesn't matter, you crazy goon! I'm still the strongest fighter in the blah blah blah blah blah!" Master Roshi shouted.

"I'll see what I can do," the announcer said, heading to the judges' table to inform them of the latest news.

* * *

"After consulting with the judges, an official decision has been made," the announcer said. "Spopovich and Yamu have officially been ejected from the tournament."

Some cheers came from the crowd.

"However, that leaves us down two fighters, so we decided to fill the gap with an All Star Exhibition Match! Former Champion Hercule will fight Former Champion Jackie Chun!"

"I'm in the tournament again!" Master Roshi cheered.

"It's better than nothing, I guess," Hercule shrugged.

"You can expect to see that at the end of Round Two, everyone," the announcer said. "Now back to the fight already in progress! Goku Son Versus Prince Vegeta! Vegeta, are you doing okay after that attack by Spopovich and Yamu?"

"I'm fine!" Vegeta snapped. Kabito had been kind enough to heal Vegeta back to full strength.

"Then...fight!"

* * *

Meanwhile, our unlikely crew of heroes were flying swiftly towards Babidi's Hidden Fortress. At least, they were flying as fast as they could. Videl was slowing them down, because she wasn't used to flying at high speeds.

Eighteen sighed audibly. "Is there any way you can speed up?"

"I'm flying as fast as I can!" Videl defended herself.

"Videl! Videllllllll!" a voice called from behind them.

It was Goten.

"Hey, Goten," Videl said. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Mom said it was okay for me to go fight the evil lizard, uh huh!" Goten said.

Videl was pretty sure Chi-Chi had said no such thing.

"You're such a liar, Goten," Trunks said. "I bet you just ran away from your mom, just like I did."

"You boys should be more respect your parents more," Videl said.

"Blah blah blah," Trunks said. "Leave us alone, old lady."

"_Old lady?_" Videl asked.

"Ha!" Eighteen laughed. "I knew there was a reason you fly so slowly!"

Piccolo grunted. "Could we _please_ stop with the jokes and hurry up?" he asked.

"Yes, this is a dangerous mission," Supreme Kai said. "If you aren't going to take it seriously, I suggest you don't come."

"Oh, I'm coming, all right," Videl said. "I'm not going to miss the chance to see these _Cinderella _monsters."

"What is this _Cinderella_ you talk so much about?" Kabito asked.

"You guys don't know?" Videl asked.

"No," Supreme Kai said.

"I presume it is something important to Earthlings," Kabito said.

"I haven't heard of it, either," Piccolo said.

"It's a fairy tale," Videl said. "About a poor girl with evil relatives that make her work all day long."

"I love storytime!" Goten said. "Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!"

"Once upon a time..." Videl began.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the World Martial Arts Tournament, there was something truly epic occurring. Something so epic that all other uses of the word "epic" paled in comparison.

That's right; Sharpener just bought the most epic snowcone ever.

Oh, and there was some kind of fight between Goku and Vegeta. That was slightly less than epic, because the fight was becoming increasing one-sided as Vegeta scored hit after hit after hit.

"Slowing down, are we, Kakarott?" Vegeta grinned.

"Hey, _some_ of us didn't get a free healing halfway through the fight," Goku said.

"Boo hoo," Vegeta said, punching Goku in the jaw. Vegeta was very much enjoying having the upper hand against Goku for once.

"Dad's right," Gohan said, from the sidelines. "He _didn't_ get healed by Kabeaty like Vegeta did. That's completely unfair."

"Well, what can we do about it?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Hey, Dad!" Gohan cried. "I've got a free healing, coming your way!"

Gohan then channeled his energy into Goku, just like he did when they were fighting Broly, the Legendary Super Saiyan, and Goku needed the Super Energy of Plot Convenience to defeat the fearsome foe until the next movie. Goku's energy instantly refilled to a level on par with Vegeta's. Vegeta was still several thousand levels higher than Goku, but it was exactly what Goku needed.

"Great, thanks!" Goku said, giving his son a thumbs-up.

Vegeta scowled, and Goku jabbed his elbow into Vegeta's gut to indicate that he was back with a vengeance.

* * *

"And they lived happily ever after," Videl finished.

"YAAAAAAY!" Goten cheered.

"Yuck, that was mushy at the end!" Trunks said.

"That was a beautiful story," Supreme Kai said. "Thank you for helping pass the time."

"I still do not understand where the fairy godmother came from," Kabito said. "She should have aided Cinderella much sooner."

"Well, it's just a made-up story," Videl said. "You can't take it _too_ seriously."

"Wait, you mean that story isn't real?" Supreme Kai asked. "You..._lied_ to us? What kind of an ally are you?"

"Woah, chill out, it's just a story," Videl said. "_You're_ the one who wanted to know where Bibbety Bobbety Boo came from."

"If _I_ was Cinderella, I would have beaten up the stepsisters," Trunks said.

"Maybe their power levels were too high," Goten suggested.

"STOP!" Kabito cried.

Everyone stopped talking and looked strangely at the pink man.

"Yamu and Spopovich have stopped flying," he said, landing on the ground. "This must be their final destination."

Our heroes landed in the mountain rocks. In the distance, the front door to a spaceship opened, and out stepped Babidi, Pui Pui and Dabura. Our heroes were too far away to see anything, so Supreme Kai pulled out a pair of binoculars and started watching the unfolding drama.

"We have the energy you requested, Master Babidi," Yamu said, bowing.

"Oh, very good," Babidi said, taking the device.

"There's another fighter at the tournament who's just as strong, so we can easily go back for more," Yamu said.

"Oh, no, that won't be necessary," Babidi said. "You see...now that your mission is complete, I don't need you anymore."

Babidi started chanting a spell, and Yamu's head exploded.

"Babidi just killed Yamu," Supreme Kai said, for the benefit of everyone who couldn't see what was going on.

"What kind of monsters kill their own allies?" Kabito gasped. "That's unheard of!"

"Really?" Trunks asked. "Dad says that Frieza killed his allies all the time."

"And 17 and I killed Dr. Gero," Android 18 said.

"Don't forget that Vegeta killed Nappa," Piccolo said.

"My dad killed someone? Cool!" Trunks said.

"Okay, fine," Supreme Kai said. "A lot of villains kill their own allies. But it's still quite a shock."

Meanwhile, Babidi also killed Spopovich and turned to go back inside the ship.

"Oh, by the way," Babidi said. "It seems that the Supreme Kai has brought some..._friends_ along with him. Do make sure to take care of them. Their energy will be most useful in reviving Majin Buu."

"Do you want _me_ to do anything, Master?" Pui Pui asked.

"Heavens, no," Babidi said. "You just come back inside and prep for your role as the easily-defeated guardian of level one."

"YESSIR!" Pui Pui asked.

"This is boring," Goten said. "When do we get to fight bad guys?"

Supreme Kai gasped as Dabura disappeared from view. "Right now!" he cried.

His outburst was so sudden that it startled everyone. Kabito lost his footing and tumbled forward. He grabbed onto the ledge with one hand, but he could still fall at any second!

* * *

**Author's Note: **What a _cliffhanger_ ending!


	22. A New Threat Awakens

**Author's Note: **There are a lot of quick scene changes in this chapter as I skip back and forth between Babidi's Hideout and the World Martial Arts Tournament. You have been warned.

* * *

Kabito's grip on the ledge of the cliff loosened and loosened until he had to let go completely. He would have fallen to his doom, but then he remembered that he could fly. It was a very anti-climatic ending to the drama of him almost falling off a cliff.

Meanwhile, Dabura showed up.

"HA! Effeminate—I mean, Evil—Demon King, at your service!"

Videl gasped. She had experience with demons before; specifically, a short one named Garlic Junior (long story). The demons had decided to harass her family because their last name was Satan, even though it was just a stage name, and not their _real _last name. Things had been pretty bad for a few weeks there until they got help.

So needless to say, Videl knew what to do. She pulled out the cross that she always wore under her clothes, around her neck, and held it high.

Dabura gasped. That couldn't be—?

"Hail Mary, full of grace," Videl began praying.

Dabura flew away as quickly as his demonic little boots could take him, screaming all the while. He slammed the spaceship door shut behind him.

"The enemy! They're protected by the enemy!" Dabura gasped, panting hard.

"The whatnow?" Babidi asked.

Dabura took a moment to gain his composure. "Um, let Pui Pui take care of them," he said. "We need to deposit that energy."

"Of course," Babidi said, looking strangely at his most trusted lieutenant as they stepped onto the elevator that led to the bottom of the spaceship.

* * *

"What did you just do?" Supreme Kai asked.

"I got rid of the demon," Videl said, tucking the cross back under her shirt. "They might _seem_ scary, but if you don't give them any leeway, they're easily defeated."

"Right," Kabito said, wondering what strange manner of girl Videl could be. "So what now?"

"We know where their hidden lair is," Supreme Kai said. "So we all go down and attack, all at once. There's seven of us, and only three of them. We just might have a chance."

Our heroes flew to Babidi's spaceship and landed outside. Supreme Kai knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Pui Pui called.

"It's the Z-Fighters, here to destroy you!" Piccolo cried.

"Sorry, we're not taking visitors right now," Pui Pui said. "Try next door."

Piccolo swore.

"I've got this," Videl said. She knocked on the door.

"Who is it _now?_" Pui Pui asked.

"Hi, I'm Videl!" Videl said brightly. "I'm with the girl scouts, and we're selling cookies today!"

The door to the spaceship instantly opened and Pui Pui jumped outside.

"I _love_ Girl Scout cookies!" Pui Pui cried, taking out his wallet. "Give me a box of Thin Mints, and...hey, you're not Girl Scouts!"

"Surprise!" Goten and Trunks cried, before punching Pui Pui through the doorway and into the wall on the other side of the room.

Pui Pui collapsed on the floor, and got up just in time to see all the Z-Fighters enter the spaceship.

_Not good,_ Pui Pui thought. _I really wanted those Thin Mints..._

* * *

Speaking of not good, things were not good for Vegeta. Now that Goku's power level was at the same as Vegeta's, Goku was able to use his superior fighting ability to bring Vegeta's power level down by huge amounts.

_Why did I agree not to go Super Saiyan?_ Vegeta wondered, before remembering that _he_ was the one who came up with the "nobody goes Super Saiyan" rule. He had expected it to give him an upper hand against Goku "I have to fight Cell by being a Super Saiyan all the time" Son.

Little did Vegeta know that even if they _could_ go Super Saiyan during the fight, Goku would simply pull a Super Saiyan Three and defeat the prince even _more_ painfully.

So needless to say, Vegeta wasn't having a very good time. Goku, meanwhile, was having a great time playing the "How hard can I hit Vegeta before I knock out one of his teeth?" game. In Goku's opinion, it was the best tournament ever.

* * *

"There are four levels to the spaceship," Pui Pui said. "To advance, you must defeat all the enemies you see! Of course, you won't get past Level One, because _I_ am Level One's guardian!"

Pui Pui laughed maniacally.

"Who wants to take this guy?" Eighteen asked.

"He's mine," Piccolo said.

...The fight didn't last long after that.

* * *

The fight at the tournament didn't last long after that, either. Vegeta finally collapsed on the ground, in a good deal of pain.

"Damn...you...Kakarott..." Vegeta gasped.

"Give up?" Goku asked.

"NEVER!" Vegeta cried. He just needed twenty seconds to regain his strength and attack again, but Goku didn't give him that much time. All it took was two kicks to get Vegeta out of the ring.

"GOKU WINS!" the announcer cried.

It was a complete surprise to everyone who did not know that Goku is the main character of DragonBall Z.

* * *

Piccolo was able to defeat Pui Pui without much trouble, while the other Z-Fighters watched, except for Videl. In ten times normal gravity, Videl couldn't do much besides lie on the floor.

"That was extremely dangerous," Supreme Kai said. "We all should have attacked together. What if he was too strong for you?"

"I could sense that his energy was far less than mine," Piccolo said. "What's the big deal?"

"You can _sense_ energy?" Supreme Kai gasped.

"You can't?" Piccolo asked.

"For an all powerful Master of the Universe, you don't know a lot," Eighteen noted.

"How dare you disrespect the Supreme Kai in that way?" Kabito snapped. "I should have you executed immediately!"

"Try it, pinkie!" Eighteen said.

"Now, stop!" Supreme Kai said. "We have to work together to get out of this situation! Now stop fighting and let's move on to Level 2!"

* * *

"Hey, Gohan," Krillin said. "You have a delivery."

"A delivery?" Gohan asked.

"Yeah," Krillin said, holding up a cardboard box. "Somebody bought you a bunch of books."

"That's strange..." Gohan said. He opened the box and looked at the book covers. "Relationships 101? How to Kiss a Girl? The Complete Loser's Guide to Dating? _Krillin, that's not funny!"_

Krillin was rolling around on the ground in laughter. "Yes it is!" he said.

* * *

"They made it to Level Two?" Babidi gasped. "But...what about Pui Pui? I sent them to his home planet, for crying out loud!"

"It looks like he is not a strong of a fighter as we thought," Dabura said.

"Yes, well, at least _he_ didn't run away from them, screaming like a little girl," Babidi said.

"You want to start something?" Dabura hissed. "Because I'm pretty sure I could take you on right—rrrrr—"

Babidi waved his arms around and asserted his control over the demon.

"No need for theatrics," Babidi said. "Go get Yakon. If he can't defeat them, _then_ we'll worry about how to destroy these pests."

"Yes, Master..." Dabura said in a dull voice.

"Yakon will suck every last bit of energy from their bodies," Babidi said. "Energy which will be used to free Majin Buu! Oh, I can't wait!"

* * *

"Um, excuse me," Krillin said, tapping the announcer on the shoulder. "Who am _I_ supposed to fight in Round Two?"

"You're going up against Contestant Shin," the announcer said. "The purple guy who...oh, he's one of the ones who flew off, isn't he?"

"Yep," Krillin said.

"Well, darn," the announcer said. "Maybe we'll have to move you up in the standings to find you an opponent. How would you like to fight Gohan Son?"

"Augh! That's okay!" Krillin said, shaking his hands furiously. "Please, keep me in the same bracket as Hercule and Jackie Chun! Seriously!"

* * *

Level Two was completely dark.

"Who turned off the lights?" Videl asked.

"I'll help out!" Goten said. He turned Super Saiyan to light things up. Trunks did the same thing.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Babidi said, snickering. He was also broadcasting his voice to all the fighters thanks to his newly-installed speaker system—I mean, telepathic powers of doom. "The monster for Level Two is Yakon, an evil fiend that feeds off energy!"

"Feeds off energy?" Supreme Kai gasped.

"If you give off energy, Yakon will consume it, and the energy will be used to free Majin Buu!" Babidi said. "It's perfect! Yakon will kill you all, and you'll help resurrect Buu in the process!"

"Babidi, you fiend!" Supreme Kai cried.

"Um, could I ask a question to Mr. Cinderella Bad Guy here?" Videl asked.

Babidi grit his teeth in frustration. Every time he tried to take over the planet, someone had to bring up Cinderella. It was very damaging to his reputation as an evil wizard.

"Do you _really_ want to take over the universe, or are you just mad because you weren't invited to the ball?" Videl asked.

"YAKON, KILL THEM!" Babidi screamed. "KILL THEM ALL! STARTING WITH THAT GIRL!"

"Jeez, _some_one woke up on the wrong side of the pumpkin coach this morning," Videl said.

Kabito smacked Videl on the arm. "Are you _trying_ to get us killed?" he asked.

"I'm not scared of Mr. Cinderella," Videl said. "I've dealt with his type before." In her job as the city's superhero, she had been in a few situations with people like Babidi, people who thought they deserved to control everything in the world. Antagonizing them was one of Videl's specialties.

"Nonetheless, how can we defeat a creature who feeds off energy?" Supreme Kai asked.

Android 18 stepped forward. "I'm an android, so I don't give off energy," she said. It was true; she was one of the few creatures whose power levels couldn't be sensed. "I'm pretty sure that means I should take this fight."

"What if you need help?"

"I don't lose," Android 18 said.

* * *

"Before we begin our next fight," the announcer said, "I have a message for Contestant Shin. Contestant Shin, if you do not return here by the end of the next match, you are automatically disqualified, and Chi-Chi Son will win by default."

Needless to say, Chi-Chi was hoping that Shin would not return in time.

"So that's that! Now it's time for our next fight: a battle between Gohan Son and Krillin [insert Krillin's last name here]!"

Gohan grinned at Krillin. "Finally, a chance for some revenge."

"Hey, Gohan, you know all those things I said about you and Videl were just jokes, right?" Krillin asked. "I wasn't serious about them! Honest!"

"You know, it occurs to me that you beat my girlfriend in the first round," Gohan said, powering up. "I'm going to have to beat you as a matter of honor."

"Yeah, well, you beat my wife in the first round," Krillin said. "If anyone should be angry, it should be _me_. What if you injured her?"

"I'm sure Eighteen is doing fine," Gohan said.

* * *

Eighteen was, in fact, doing superbly well against Yakon. The fight was just like my description of it: extremely short.

Thus it was that, three minutes after Yakon was released, Dabura stepped into Babidi's Chambers.

"Ah, Dabura," Babidi said. "I take it the Supreme Kai and the Kai-ettes have been defeated?"

"Well, sir, I have good news and bad news about that," Dabura said.

"Tell me the bad news first," Babidi said. As an evil villain, Babidi liked to hear bad news.

"One of the intruders defeated Yakon single-handedly," Dabura said.

"_Salagadoola menchicka boola_!" Babidi swore. "What do I do now? I don't _have_ a third champion for them to face!"

"Which brings me to the good news," Dabura said. "I deposited the energy that Yamu and Spopovich collected. Majin Buu's tank is now half full."

_"Half full?"_ Babidi asked. "Impossible! They said that they only took energy from one person!"

"And they said that a second, equally strong person is still at the tournament," Dabura said. "If we could drain this person, Majin Buu would surely be freed!"

"I have a better idea," Babidi snickered. "I can take control of this super-powered fighter and make _him_ be the guardian of level three! He can kill all of his friends here, and then nothing will stand between us and total domination of the universe! HA HA HA!"

"It would be simpler to send me to steal his energy," Dabura said. "Taking control over someone else is a difficult process."

"True," Babidi said. "I can't take control of someone unless that person willingly gives himself up to me. But if this fighter is _that_ powerful, there's no _way_ I'm going to pass up the opportunity to make him one of my own. I'll check and see what he's like."

Babidi used his not-fully-explained magic powers to project images of the World Martial Arts Tournament on the viewscreens. One screen showed Gohan pummeling Krillin in the ring while the crowd cheered. Another screen showed the two people in the fighter's area: Sharpener and Vegeta.

Sharpener was crying because he dropped his epic snowcone. Vegeta grabbed Sharpener by the throat and slammed him against a wall.

"Shut UP!" Vegeta shouted. "I've had enough of your useless blathering! If I hear one more sound come out of your mouth, I will kill you immediately! _Got it?_"

Babidi grinned. "Yep, I think our new fighter is evil enough," he told Dabura. "Taking control of this hothead should be a cinch!"

Babidi held out his hands towards the screen and started chanting a spell. Then he began speaking to his soon-to-be slave.

"What the—? What's going on?"

"I am Babidi, your new master. Surrender to me!"

"Surrender to someone else? Never!"

"If you do, you shall have power beyond your wildest dreams..."

"Power?"

"You saw how my magic powers turned Spopovich and Yamu from third-class weaklings into first-rate fighters," Babidi said. "Imagine what my power could do to improve a champion like you."

"A champion...power...yes!"

"YES!" Babidi cried. "We have him!" He shot his new minion full of Evil Wizard Power, almost overloading the poor creature's brain, causing him to collapse momentarily.

Slowly, the long-haired fighter rose from the floor. He paused for a moment, feeling the power flowing from the "M" on his forehead. That power! It was like nothing he had ever experienced before!

He threw his head backwards and laughed evilly. The inglorious reign of Majin Sharpener had begun.


	23. Terror at the Tournament

Babidi transported the Z Fighters to the World Martial Arts Tournament just in time to see Gohan knock Krillin unconscious.

"And that's _one! Two! Three!_" the announcer started counting.

"What are we doing back here?" Goten asked.

"Yeah, this is weird," Trunks said. "And stupid. We never got to fight anyone!"

"Your new challenger will appear soon enough," Babidi said, broadcasting his thoughts to our heroes. "Prepare to be killed by the guardian of Level Three!"

"Nine! Ten!" the announcer cried. "Gohan Son wins!"

Gohan started doing a victory dance. Now that he was performing his own dance moves, and not Sharpener's, he was actually not that bad.

"Woo hoo!" Videl cheered. "Go Gohan!"

Eighteen grunted. There went her family's chances of making enough money to move out of Master Roshi's house.

"Contestant Shin!" the announcer said, noticing the crowd of people who appeared out of nowhere. "You're back! Good, you're scheduled to fight Chi-Chi Son next!"

"Videl?" Gohan asked.

"Hi, Gohan!" Videl said, waving her hand at him. "We're back! I don't know how, but we're back!"

"This is all part of Babidi's evil magic," Supreme Kai warned everyone. "Be on guard. He must have something big planned."

Immediately after this somber statement, an explosion came from the fighter's area. Majin Sharpener had decided to test his new powers and blow a hole in the wall, instead of walking through the doorway like a normal person.

"I am unstoppable!" Majin Sharpener cried. Moving faster than the eye can see, Majin Sharpener appeared onstage.

"There, these are your opponents," Babidi told his new slave. "Kill them!"

Majin Sharpener grinned as he saw Gohan standing onstage. He was going to enjoy this.

"Sharpener?" Gohan asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Not much," Sharpener said, looking around at his other opponents to see who they were. One of them made an impression that broke through his magic-addled brain.

"I know you," Sharpener said. "You're Goten. Gohan's little brother."

"Uh huh," Goten said. "You're the guy I beat in the semi-finals."

"Yeah, yeah," Sharpener said. "I just realized that I forgot to give you a congratulatory handshake."

Sharpener walked over to Goten and held out his hand. "Good fight, kiddo."

Goten eyed Sharpener's hand for a second, then grabbed it with both his hands and shook happily. "Thanks, Mr. Sharpie!"

"You're welcome," Sharpener said. Then he charged up an energy ball and shot it through Goten's chest at point blank range, instantly killing him.

Everyone recoiled instantly as Goten's dead body hit the ground.

"That's what you get for messing with my girl, you little bastard!" Sharpener told Goten's corpse.

"Did...Sharpener just blow a hole through Goten?" Videl asked, completely stunned.

Supreme Kai gasped, finally noticing the "M" on Sharpener's forehead. "It's him! He's the guardian of level three!"

"You...you just killed my brother!" Gohan said, unbelieving.

"And I'm going to kill you next," Majin Sharpener said. "I'm going to kill _all_ of you weaklings! That way, I'll be declared the World Champion of Martial Arts, and I'll get to date Videl!"

"You're crazy!" Videl shouted.

"Oh yeah?" Sharpener asked. He charged up an energy ball and looked around for a good target. It was easy enough to kill an unsuspecting six-year-old, but everyone else was tensed, ready for a fight. That is, everyone except the unconscious Krillin.

Sharpener threw the energy ball at Krillin's body, where it met with no resistance. Two hits, two kills. _I'm on a roll_, Majin Sharpener thought.

"You'll pay for that!" Android Eighteen promised.

Majin Sharpener yawned.

He took two steps towards Android Eighteen, charged up another deadly energy ball, took careful aim to make sure it would hit the android...then quickly spun around and threw it at Gohan's head, hoping to catch the demi-Saiyan off guard.

Gohan dodged the attack and flew at Sharpener, his arm outstretched to hit Sharpener's jaw. Majin Sharpener easily grabbed Gohan's hand in his own, and hit Gohan in the stomach with his other hand.

Sharpener then took hold of Gohan's arm and forced Gohan's fist to hit Gohan's face. "Stop hitting yourself!" Sharpener said. "Stop hitting yourself!"

Gohan charged an energy ball in his free hand and brought it around to hit Sharpener with it. Sharpener, sensing this attack, drove his knee into Gohan's pelvis, trying his hardest to shatter it. Hitting below the belt is generally considered unsportsmanlike conduct, but Sharpener was beyond caring at that moment.

While Gohan collapsed on the ground, Majin Sharpener turned around to face Videl. "How about a kiss for your new hero?" he asked.

"Never!" Videl said.

Sharpener disappeared and reappeared right in front of Videl. Before she could gasp in surprise, his strong arms gripped her. "You don't have a choice in the matter," he said in a throaty voice, before shoving his mouth on hers.

* * *

"Oh, wow, what a fighter!" Babidi cried, jumping up and down in excitement. "My magic power boost always does the trick! The fool is at least ten thousand times more powerful than he was earlier!"

"It's too bad we can't use that power to revive Majin Buu," Dabura said.

Babidi stopped his dancing. "What did you say?" he asked.

"Well, I mean, it'd be a lot easier if we could use energy gained through your power boost," Dabura said. "You could just simply use your power boost on a lizard or something, and then take away all its energy and use that to free Majin Buu."

"I...I...could?" Babidi asked.

"Heck, instead of attacking fighters at the tournament, Spopovich and Yamu could have simply stolen energy from each other, using our rejuvenation tank to heal afterwards," Dabura said. "A couple of rounds of that would have freed Majin Buu in no time. But of course, since it doesn't work that way—"

"_Why didn't you tell me this idea before?_" Babidi cried. "Quick, let's find some lizards! Majin Buu must be freed!"

* * *

There was a minor panic at the World Martial Arts stadium. The announcer was pretty calm, because he was used to crazed villains trying to kill people at the tournament, after King Piccolo and Piccolo Junior. Some of the younger crowd-goers were shocked, however.

"Sharpener has gone crazy!" Erasa cried.

"He's insane!" VJ cried.

"If he's with Videl now, does that mean I can be with Gohan?" Angela wondered.

Mr. Brown, the homeroom teacher, was too busy reading his book to contribute to the conversation. The name of the book was What To Do When an Idiotic Teenager Fueled by an Evil Wizard's Powers Tries to Take Over the World Martial Arts Tournament. It was a very fortunate coincidence he had brought that particular book to read that day.

* * *

Videl tried to slap Sharpener, but he grabbed her fist and swung her, over his head, and into the ground. This managed to crack the cement of the tournament arena (which was already severely cracked after the fight between Goku and Vegeta). Videl didn't get up for a long time after that.

"Who's next?" Majin Sharpener cried. "Every person I kill brings more energy to my master, so he can resurrect...um...whatever it is he's resurrecting."

"Majin Buu," Kabito said.

"Majin Buu? What's a Majin Buu?" Majin Sharpener asked.

"Majin Buu is an evil creature who destroyed all of the Supreme Kais ten thousand years ago..."

"Less talking, more killing," Majin Sharpener yawned. He flew forwards and kicked Kabito in the face. Not on the chin, not on the side of the head—on the face.

He followed it up with a strong punch, but Kabito managed to block it. Sharpener seemed amused by the futile resistance.

"And it appears that Sharpener is planning on attacking _all_ of the fighters here," the announcer said into the microphone. "It's an unscheduled fight starring all of our contestants! Surely one of them will be able to stop this crazed madman! If not, we might be forced to watch Sharpener's...gasp...victory dance!"

The crowd immediately started cheering for Kabito to beat Sharpener's head in.

"Shouldn't we help him?" Goku asked.

"Yeah!" Chi-Chi said. "If we all attack at once, that idiot is toast!"

"Toast is delicious!" Goku agreed.

"No," the announcer told our heroes. "Tournament rules dictate that only two people can fight at once."

Everyone groaned, but rules are rules. Sharpener was simply going to kill the Z-Fighters, one by one, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

* * *

Vegeta slammed the wall in frustration. Why did Kakarott win that fight? If his damn son hadn't cheated by giving Kakarott an energy boost, Vegeta would have won for sure!

"It has to be because Kakarott is dead," Vegeta said to himself. "His body doesn't feel as much pain because it hasn't been used in seven years. That's the only way he could have taken so much punishment and lived to tell the tale!"

"Well, not lived..." Bulma said. "I mean, he's dead."

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!" Vegeta yelled. "What are you doing here, anyway? Leave me in peace!"

"I came to make sure you're okay," she said, reaching a comforting hand towards her husband. "I know the fight with Goku meant a lot to you, and..."

"It meant a lot? _It meant a lot?_" Vegeta cried, slapping her hand away. A look of sadness appeared on her face for a fleeting second, before it was replaced by a mixture of resignation, determination and anger. "The only goal I ever had in my entire life was defeating Kakarott, and now that _worm_ has slipped out from under me once again!"

"Oh, _really?_" Bulma snapped. "Defeating Goku is the only thing that matters to you, huh? What about _me?_ What about _your son? _What about—?"

"I don't have time for this," Vegeta said roughly, turning around.

"You _never_ have time for us!" Bulma said. "It's always, 'I must defeat Goku! I must train to get stronger, so I can beat Goku! Bulma, I can't spend time with you, I have to beat Goku!' Did you ever stop to think about what would happen if you actually _did_ beat Goku?"

Vegeta grunted. He had spent a lot of time thinking about the glorious day when he would _finally_ defeat Goku, but he hadn't thought about what'd he do afterwards.

"What'd you do if you beat him, Vegeta? Huh? What then? Would you just keel over and die, because you don't think there's anything else you can do?"

"If I did, I'd die happy!" Vegeta cried. "Rather than live a miserable life with a screaming wench like you!"

"Fine!" Bulma said. "Then why don't you run away to outer space AGAIN, if your life here is so horrible? Just leave us and never come back!"

The old Vegeta would have been shocked at his new self. He had settled and started a family...he had even grown quite fond of them...and leaving was _not_ an answer.

"Leave you, huh?" Vegeta asked. "You want me to go away, and your life would be simpler, is that it?"

"Much simpler!" Bulma said. "I don't know why I ever married a stuck-up pig like you!"

"You can't get rid of me that easily, Bulma," Vegeta interrupted. Bulma started at this statement; Vegeta rarely called her by her first name. "I'm staying with you and Trunks, whether you like it or not!"

Vegeta took a step closer to his mate. "And I think you like it very much...because I know _I_ do."

"Oh, Vegeta..." Bulma melted.

* * *

Goku burst into the room shortly afterwards. "Bulma! We need the dragon ball radar to—UGH!"

Goku immediately covered his eyes, trying hard to not see his lifelong friend, Bulma Briefs, making out with his sworn rival.

Vegeta grunted angrily. "Go away, Kakarott. We're busy!"

"Do you have to do that in _public?_" Goku asked.

"No one asked you to come in here!" Vegeta said. "And at least I don't kiss my mate on TV like _your_ son does. I know he has to settle for the cheapest floozy he can get, but I never thought the girl he'd get would be _that _much of a—!"

"Um, is there something you need, Goku?" Bulma asked, trying to interrupt Vegeta before he further insulted Goku's family.

"We need the dragon balls," Goku said. "The evil wizard took control of the blond kid from Gohan's class, and now he's killing everyone! He even killed Goten!"

Bulma gasped.

"We'll have to use the first wish to bring back Goten," Goku said. "We can use the second wish to undo any other damage Majin Sharpener does. And we can use the third wish to—wait, there _is_ no third wish, is there?"

Bulma shook her head. "Only on Namek," she said.

"Darn," Goku said, lowering his head. "I was kind of hoping you could use the third wish to wish _me_ back from the dead."

"You..._want_ to come back to life?" Vegeta asked. "After seven years?"

"Well, yeah!" Goku said. "I miss my family and my friends and..."

Goku broke off, wanting to say something about how he didn't want to miss out on Goten's childhood, like he did with a lot of Gohan's, but he didn't know how to say it without sounding stupid. So instead, Goku grinned. "We never got a chance to have a _real_ fight, Vegeta!"

"What?" Vegeta cried.

"Fighting you as a _non _Super Saiyan isn't any fun!" Goku said. "I don't want to fight you when you're at a tenth of your power! I want to fight you when you're at full strength!"

"I...I...You're on, Kakarott!" Vegeta said.

Bulma sighed. Great, now her husband was never going to leave the gravity room again.

* * *

Majin Sharpener was beating up poor old Kabillybob without mercy, and things were looking pretty bad for our heroes.

"Where's Goku when you need him?" Hercule asked.

"He went off to find Bulma," Piccolo said. "And Vegeta's with him. Curse those two Saiyans, we need them here _now!"_

"What about Gohan?" Hercule asked. He still didn't like admitting that his daughter's boyfriend was loads stronger than he was, but it was obvious that Gohan was their last hope.

"Gohan took one hit to the groin and ran away," Piccolo said.

"My poor baby!" Chi-Chi said. "That was the dirtiest, cheapest trick I've ever seen!"

"Ugh, I don't blame him for leaving," Hercule said. "I once sprained my groin during a—"

"Too much information!" Chi-Chi interrupted.

"Um, if you say so," Hercule said. He had sprained his groin playing hopscotch with the seven-year-old Videl, but whenever anybody asked, he pretended it was a fighting injury.

"Maybe Trunks could fight..." Piccolo said, thinking hard.

"If Goten was killed, what chance does Trunks have?" Chi-Chi asked.

Right then, the cavalry arrived, in the form of the Orange High students and Mr. Brown, who had just finished reading What To Do When an Idiotic Teenager Fueled by an Evil Wizard's Powers Tries to Take Over the World Martial Arts Tournament.

"Don't worry, everyone!" Erasa said. "We can stop him!"

"Yeah!" VJ (the nerdy kid) cried.

"But you don't even know how to fight!" Chi-Chi said.

"It's all detailed in my book," Mr. Brown said, adjusting his glasses. "Somewhere inside that evil maniac, the real Sharpener still exists. If we can remind him of who he is, we can bring out the old Sharpener."

"It's worth a shot," Piccolo said.

"It appears that a group of Sharpener's friends have come here to the stage!" the announcer said. "They want to help calm him down, and I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope they're successful!"

"Sharpener!" Erasa cried. "Sharpener, it's me, Erasa! We go to school together, remember?"

"Sharpener is dead!" Majin Sharpener cried. "I am now Majin Sharpener, terror of the universe!"

"Remember me, Sharpener?" VJ asked. "You used to call me a nerd and loser and give me wedgies and...wait, why do I want the old Sharpener back again?"

"I never spoke to you in my entire life, but we're in the same class, too!" Angela shouted.

"Sharp-ster!" cried a few members of the baseball team. "You're our team captain! Without you, we'll never win another game!"

But nothing they said worked. Majin Sharpener was completely in control of Sharpener's body.

Mr. Brown clenched his fists. It was all up to him. What did he normally say to Sharpener?

"That's _detention_ for not paying attention in class, Sharpener!" Mr. Brown cried. "Stop flirting with Videl! That's another detention! You didn't do your homework? That's detention #3! Care to make it four?"

Not too deep within Sharpener's tiny brain, something clicked. Sharpener suddenly remembered the time he went to school in a dress, as part of his plan to sneak into the girl's locker room. Mr. Brown gave him Mega Detention that day, and Sharpener was forced to miss one of his team's baseball games. By "coincidence", it was the only game they won all season, so Sharpener was double-furious that he missed it.

"GRAAROHARIOAWHOIHG!" Majin Sharpener cried angrily. I don't know how he pronounced it, but he did.

"I think I made a connection!" Mr. Brown said happily.

"KILL MR. BROWN!" Majin Sharpener shouted.

"Uh oh," Mr. Brown said.

Majin Sharpener threw an energy ball at the Orange High group, killing three people and injuring the rest of them. Angela and VJ ended up in the same hospital room together, which blossomed into the most majestic filler character romance ever. Most of Erasa's right arm was completely severed, and she was screaming in pain. As for Mr. Brown, there was nothing left of him besides a smoldering copy of Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? (his unfinished autobiography).

"Oh no!" the announcer cried. "That's the exact _opposite_ of calming him down! Someone send for the people from the first aid area! We need their help _now!_"

Still fueled with an inordinate rage, Majin Sharpener then killed Kabito with two hits to the chest and moved on to fighting the Supreme Kai. The Supreme Kai was too shocked by the sudden death of his friend to avoid Sharpener's attack, and he collapsed on the ground very quickly.

That was when the situation completely turned around for the Z-Fighters.

"Hey, Sharpener!" an authoritative voice cried out. "Leave him alone!"

Sharpener (and everyone else) turned around to see who spoke.

"It's a new challenger!" the announcer cried. "Someone we haven't seen before! In fact, I think it's...could it be?...Yes! It's THE GOLD FIGHTER!"

The crowd burst into cheers and applause, relieved that peace was _finally_ going to be restored.

A golden glowing Gohan stepped forward. It probably would have taken Gohan a long time to go Super Saiayn 2 under normal circumstances, but once Gohan reflected on what Sharpener had done to his brother _and_ his girlfriend, well...Gohan found himself jumping close to the top of his power levels without even realizing it.

Make no mistake, Sharpener was going to pay for what he did.

"Gohan," Majin Sharpener said, recognizing his enemy's energy signal. "You look different."

"So do you, with that big ugly tattoo on your forehead!" Gohan said.

Majin Sharpener grinned. "Good, I'm glad you have some fighting spirit in you. Because I'm going to make you _suffer_ for kissing Videl! Oh yes, you will suffer very, very much."

"I doubt that," Gohan said. Then he punched Majin Sharpener.

It was the first time that someone had managed to hit Majin Sharpener so far. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Dabura struggled to hold onto four squirming lizards. Babidi took one at random, put it on the ground, and took control on the creature's mind. Soon, an M appeared on the lizard's forehead, and it underwent a large power boost.

Babidi then stuck his energy-draining device into the lizard and pulled out six kilos of energy.

"This is great!" Babidi said. "We should have done this loads sooner!"

He grabbed a second lizard, and did the exact same thing. Lizard #3, however, was a shining paragon of lizard virtue, and it refused to go under Babidi's control. So Babidi just squished it underfoot and moved onto Lizard #4.

After draining the lizards, Babidi went to Majin Buu's energy ball.

"Hm, is it me, or did the meter go up?" Babidi asked.

"Majin Sharpener must be doing well in his battle against the Supreme Kai's minions," Dabura said.

"Yes, yes, of course," Babidi said. "I'll have to show my appreciation for him later on by buying him a cupcake or something. Here we go!"

Babidi injected the necessary energy into Majin Buu's ball. The meter immediately jumped all the way to full, and the egg started shaking.

"YES!" Babidi cried. "Majin Buu will now be free! Oh, let's go to the World Martial Arts Tournament! I can't wait to see the look on the Supreme Kai's face when he realizes he's failed to stop me!"

Babidi then used his magic to bring himself, Dabura, and Majin Buu's egg to the stage of the World Martial Arts Tournament.


	24. Majin Buu Appears

Gohan didn't want to waste time in his fight, while Majin Sharpener wanted to make it last as long as possible, so Gohan would suffer more. This led to an interesting contrast of fighting styles.

Gohan led off with a solid punch to the head, and a series of kicks to the side. Sharpener did a jump spin to dodge, and he threw a punch at Gohan. Gohan grabbed Sharpener's arm, twisted it, then punched/smashed it with the side of his hand, hoping to break the bone. Sharpener twisted around and kneed Gohan in the back. Then he shot several energy blasts, rapid fire, at our hero.

_Goten. Videl._ Gohan thought, raring up for another attack. He hit Sharpener in the shoulder, and again in the arm. This time, a sickening crack was heard, and Majin Sharpener screamed in pain, clutching his broken arm.

"It's time to pay for your crimes, Sharpener," Gohan said.

"The only crime I ever committed was being too sexy," Sharpener said. "You, on the other hand, just broke my arm, and _that_ is punishable by the death penalty!"

Sharpener flew at Gohan, but Gohan dodged and counter-attacked with a kick to the stomach. Sharpener doubled over, then flew at Gohan again. Gohan dodged three consecutive attacks by moving left, right and left. He then shot forward about a foot, then turned and tripped Sharpener from behind.

That was when Babidi, Dabura and Majin Buu's egg appeared.

"_More_ fighters?" the announcer asked. "Where do these people keep coming from?"

"It's them!" Supreme Kai gasped. "Oh no!"

"So _this_ is the World Martial Arts Tournament," Babidi said, looking around. "Impressive."

"It appears our new champion is getting the snot beaten out of him," Dabura noted.

"Yes, indeed," Babidi said. "He _did_ strike me as kind of a wimp."

Sharpener got up, furious. "My snot is in my nose, where it belongs!"

"Oh, yeah?" Gohan asked. He then smashed Sharpener in the nose with both fists. Sharpener's nose started bleeding.

Babidi waved his arm dismissively. "It's okay, you can stop fighting now, Shrapnel," Babidi said. "I don't need your energy anymore. I already have the energy needed to free Majin Buu."

"No!" the Supreme Kai gasped.

"Oh, but yes!" Babidi said, pointing at Buu's egg. "Just see for yourself!"

The egg started bouncing around in midair, and pink steam came out of tiny holes in the shell. Supreme Kai fell to his knees and sobbed.

"Soon, Buu will be free, and I will rule the universe, and there's nothing you can do about it!" Babidi laughed an evil laugh. Dabura joined him in the evil laughter, and Majin Sharpener figured this meant he should laugh too, so he started giggling.

"What should we do now, Supreme Kai?" Goku asked. By this time, Vegeta and Goku had returned to the fighting area.

"There's nothing we _can_ do," Supreme Kai said. "Nothing we can do...except die."

Vegeta rolled his eyes and muttered something about a _drama queen_.

Videl groaned softly from where she was, lying in a small crater in the fighting arena. She meant to say, "What's going on?" but she couldn't form the words.

"Videl!" Gohan said, running to her. "You're still alive!"

"Yeah," Videl said, wincing as she tried to sit up. "My back really hurts."

"The first aid people can take care of you," Gohan said.

"No...no way," Videl said, putting her hands on Gohan's shoulders and pushing. "I'm not leaving here. I have to see what happens."

"You've done enough already," Gohan said, helping her stand up.

Videl took an unsteady step, then gained her balance. "I'm fine," she said. Then she brought her hands up. "I'm fine," she repeated, more confidently this time. "What's going on? Who's the yellow midget with the giant Easter egg?"

Babidi growled. "I am the dark wizard Babidi! Show some respect, or I'll kill you!"

"What? No way!" Videl said. "_This_ guy is the Cinderella monster? He looks like he would lose a fight against a third grader!"

Babidi jumped up and down angrily. He was staring to _hate_ this girl and her habit of constantly mentioning _Cinderella_. "Majin Sharpener, kill her!" Babidi ordered.

"No way!" Sharpener said (thus proving that the real Sharpener was still there, somewhere). "Videl's a super babe! I can't kill her...unless I do it by _charming_ her to death!"

Sharpener disappeared and reappeared next to Videl. He put his arm (the non-broken one) around her shoulder. "So, babe, I hear that you're so hot, you caused global warming. Yeah!"

**Note to Readers: **Do not use Sharpener's pick-up lines at home.

"Get away from me!" Videl yelled. She tried to push Sharpener away, but he kept his grip. His grip was lost five seconds later when Sharpener was peeled off Videl by an angry Hercule.

"You stay away from my daughter, you monster!" Hercule cried.

"You just signed your death warrant," Sharpener said. He charged up an energy ball and held it high. "Die, Hercule!"

"No!" Videl cried.

Gohan jump-kicked at Sharpener, hitting him in the chest. Majin Sharpener flew six feet away, where he landed on the ground.

"You saved my dad!" Videl said, throwing her arms around Gohan. "I love you," she whispered.

"Please don't kiss him in public again," Hercule begged.

Majin Sharpener screamed in pain. He grabbed his broken arm, and then ripped it off. He threw it at Gohan and Videl.

"If I can't have you, _no one can!_" Sharpener cried, charging up the largest attack he could muster. "You two are _both_ going to die! KA—ME—HA—ME—"

"Kamehame—" Gohan said, quickly charging up his own attack.

"How did Majin Sharpener learn the Kamehameha?" Goku wondered.

Vegeta scoffed. "There's not much to that technique besides remembering five words," he said.

"Oh," Goku said.

"HA!" Gohan and Sharpener yelled at the same time.

The Kamehameha contest ended up not being a contest at all. Majin Sharpener may have been fueled by Babidi's evil magic, but this was his first Kamehameha ever, and as Cell could have told him, defeating Super Saiyan 2 Gohan in a Kamehameha contest is harder than you would think. Sharpener's attack was almost immediately swallowed up by Gohan's, and Majin Sharpener was hit full-force.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sharpener cried as his body ripped into pieces.

"He's dead!" the announcer cried. "Majin Sharpener is dead, thanks to the Gold Fighter!"

"Yes!" the crowd cheered.

"Yes!" the Z-Fighters cheered.

"Yes!" Babidi cheered.

Our heroes stopped celebrating to stare at Babidi. "Why are _you_ happy?" Supreme Kai asked. "We just defeated your most powerful minion!"

"I'm happy because you wasted so much time that Majin Buu was freed," Babidi said. "Morons!"

The two eggshells of Majin Buu's ball fell apart with a hollow thud, revealing the most terrible creature the universe had ever seen: a large pink child with a sugar addiction.

"Buu free!" Majin Buu cried. "Buu free! Yay!"

Majin Buu started hopping from foot to foot, doing a victory dance.

"_That's_ the monster everyone has been worried about?" Videl asked.

"Yes, that's him," Supreme Kai said solemnly. "...Majin Buu."

"_He's_ the monster who can take over the entire universe?" Goku asked.

"_Every_ universe," Supreme Kai said. "He's over a million times stronger than the warrior you call Frieza."

"Are you sure you don't have him confused with someone else?" Hercule asked. "He seems harmless."

"Yeah, you've kinda made a lot of mistakes so far," Videl said.

_"I'm deadly serious!_" Supreme Kai snapped. _"That's Majin Buu, the monster who brutally slaughtered all of my family members, except for an old one who may or may not be trapped in a sword!"_

"Just checking," Goku said.

Babidi, meanwhile, seeing that the Z-Fighters were not all quaking in fear, decided to change that situation. "Majin Buu! Kill those pests for me!" Babidi ordered.

"No!" Buu said. "Buu want candy!"

"I can give you some candy," Videl said.

"YAY!" Buu cried.

...And just like that, our heroes stopped the most fearsome enemy ever.

* * *

_In Other World..._

The Kais, King Yemma, and Kabito, who were all watching the situation on Earth, fell over.

* * *

Okay, they didn't defeat Majin Buu _that_ easily (this story would be really boring if that was the case), but that probably would have worked.

"Buu, I command you to kill them, or I'll put you back in your ball!" Babidi threatened.

Now _that_ was a threat Buu took seriously. He looked around at the Z Fighters, and seeing that Piccolo wasn't contributing much to the storyline, the author—I mean, Majin Buu—decided to kill him. Buu charged up a pink energy ball and threw it at the Namekian. After a large explosion, there was nothing left.

"The plump pink person has just killed The Junior!" the announcer cried. "Will this tournament _ever_ get back on track?"

"...Okay, maybe this _is_ the right pink monster," Goku said.

"He go boom!" Buu cried. "Boom boom boom boom!"

"I'll fight him," Vegeta volunteered.

"No way, _I_ want to fight him!" Goku said.

"I'm the one who's prepared for a fight," Gohan said. "I'm at the Super Saiyan 2 level, after all."

"Are you three crazy?" Supreme Kai asked. "We have to all fight him together! It's our only chance! We attack on three. One...two..."

Suddenly, a hole appeared in Buu's belly. Buu seemed surprised at this.

"Who did that?" Babidi asked.

"Me," Dabura said, gearing up for another attack. "I can see now that Majin Buu is too dangerous to be unleashed on the universe. He must be stopped now before he realizes his true power!"

"Dabura, you were my most loyal minion!" Babidi cried. "True, that's because I brainwashed you whenever you disobeyed me, but still! How could you turn on me like this?"

"Majin Buu won't conquer the universe! He'll destroy it," Dabura said. "He must be stopped!"

Majin Buu made the hole in his stomach disappear. "That nice attack! Me try now!"

"What just happened?" Videl asked. "Where'd the hole in his stomach go?"

"He can regenerate himself after every attack," the Supreme Kai said.

The Z-Fighters groaned.

"Not _again_," Vegeta complained. "We had to put up with this crap when fighting Cell!"

"Yeah, Cell would have died six times over if he wasn't able to instantly recover from all attacks," Android Eighteen said, remembering the time Cell regrew half his body after Vegeta blew it off, or the time Cell regrew half his body after Goku blew it off, or the time Cell regrew half his body after Gohan blew it off, or the time—well, you get the idea.

"It's like he was part sensu bean or something," Goku said. "It made beating him almost impossible."

Yes, Cell's ability to regenerate was truly amazing, especially considering that it takes Piccolo fifteen minutes to regrow a single arm. Things looked bad for our heroes now that they knew Majin Buu could do the same thing. In fact, all of Dabura's attacks were proving useless in the face of Majin Buu's ability to heal after every single punch.

"Let Buu see..." Buu said. "Should I make you graham cracker? Or chewing gum? Or...CHOCOLATE!"

"What are you talking about?" Dabura asked.

Buu's tentacle flew up and pointed at Dabura. "Turn into chocolate!" Buu cried.

Instantly, Dabura turned into a life-size Dabura chocolate bar, which Buu ate in record time.

"Okay, I've never seen _that_ move before," Goku said.

"At least we know why Buu is so fat now," Videl said.

Buu immediately stopped his victory dance and glared at Videl. "What you say?" he demanded.

"I said now we know why you're so fat," Videl said. "That's a major chocolate overdose."

Buu shot steam out of his head. "Mean girl call Buu fat! Mean girl die!" He charged up an energy ball to kill her with.

"Wait!" Videl said, holding her hand out. "Do that again!"

Buu stopped, confused. "Do what again?"

"The steam thingy move," Videl said. "I want to see it again."

"You mean this?" Buu asked, shooting out more steam from his head.

"That's it!" Videl said. "Wow, you're just like the Tin Woodman in _The Wizard of Oz_! How do you do that?"

"It easy!" Buu said. "Like this!"

Buu started shooting steam out of his head while jumping around and humming_._

"Buu, what are you doing?" Babidi cried. "Stop impersonating a tea kettle and start killing people!"

"This fun! This fun!" Buu said, doing the steam spill dance.

"And the pink Majin Buu is back to being harmless," the announcer said. "That's good news for all of us, and...woah, what's that?"

A shadowy figure was appearing, inside the whirlwind of steam. It was Evil Buu, the plot twist designed to make Buu into an actual villain.

"Oh no!" Supreme Kai gasped. "It's EVIL BUU!"

"I thought Buu was already evil," Goku said.

"Yes, but this is a manifestation of the evil side of Majin Buu," Supreme Kai said. "So, he's evil times ten!"

"Logically speaking, he can't be any more evil than the original Buu, if he's made up of the original Buu's evil," Gohan said.

"It doesn't work that way," Supreme Kai said. "I promise you, this new Buu is much more evil than the last one!"

"All right! Two Buus!" Babidi cheered. Then the two Buus started fighting with each other, and Babidi tried to get them to stop. This gave the Z-Fighters a convenient break so they could plan their next move.

"This is great!" Goku said. "Buu split into two Buus! That means he's half as strong now!"

"Half as strong?" Supreme Kai asked.

"When you use the multi-form attack, the power levels of the forms are inversely proportional to the number of them," Gohan explained. "If you split into two copies of yourself, both of them are half as strong as you normally are. If you split into three copies, they all have a third of your normal power level, and so on and so forth."

Silence followed Gohan's scientific explanation.

"I _knew_ that kid was a huge nerd," Hercule said.

Chi-Chi whacked Hercule on the head. "Don't insult my son! He could be a great professor someday!"

"Gohan's right," Goku said. "Whenever Tien used that technique, that's what happened."

"I told you, it doesn't work that way!" Supreme Kai said. "This new Buu is even _more_ evil and powerful than the first one! That makes him far more dangerous and scary, and it builds dramatic tension!"

"The situation looks bad," Goku agreed. "But if we used fusion, we could easily defeat Buu!"

"Nuclear fusion, that's it!" Gohan said. "Buu won't be able to regenerate himself if we make his atoms fuse together! It happens all the time on the sun, when different atoms of hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, etc. combine due to the extreme temperatures and amounts of energy there, but cold fusion still remains an impossibility on Earth due to the—"

Videl kissed Gohan to get him to shut up for a moment. He had no objections whatsoever to this. Neither did she; kissing Super Saiyan Gohan was more exciting than kissing normal Gohan.

"Fusion is a fighting technique I learned in Other World," Goku said. "Two warriors can morph together to become one super-strong warrior!"

"Like when Cell absorbed the androids to become stronger, I presume?" Vegeta asked.

"Sort of like that," Goku said.

Suddenly, there was a huge flash of light as Evil Buu turned Majin Buu into chocolate. Babidi started cursing, while Evil Buu at the chocolate. Steam poured out of every orifice of Evil Buu's body as he turned into Super Buu, the evil creature who is Super Strong, Super Evil and Super Buff.

"We're doomed," said the Supreme Kai.

"Excellent!" Babidi said. "My monster is now even more powerful and menacing than before! Good for you, Majin Buu! Now kill the Supreme Kai and his friends for me!"

"Oh, I'll kill them all right," Buu said, charging up a large energy ball. "But you first!"

Buu threw the energy ball right at Babidi.

"Bibbety bobbety boo!" Babidi cried, trying to use the magic words to create a magic shield in time, but it didn't work. Babidi was destroyed.

"I work for no one!" Super Buu said. "I will take over the universe myself! I will kill these pathetic Z-Fighters and feast upon their remains! I will destroy every living creature on this planet, and no one can stop me! Not even—!"

"Cotton candy!" one of the vendors cried. "Get your cotton candy here!"

"CANDY!" Buu cried. He flew off to the stands to get some of the cotton candy.

"Quick," Vegeta said. "How does fusion work?"

"You need two people of a similar body shape and power level," Goku said. "Goten and Trunks would be the ideal candidates, but Goten's dead now. Gohan and I will have to demonstrate. Ready, Son?"

There was no response.

"Gohan, are you ready?"

There was still no response. Goku turned to see what was the matter, and he saw that Gohan and Videl were still kissing each other.

"UGH!" Goku cried, clamping his hand over his eyes.

"You two _stop that right now!"_ Hercule cried.

"Yeah! Show some decency!" Chi-Chi shouted.

The two teens broke off. "Um, sorry, Dad," Gohan said. "What do you want to do?"

"Fusion. Dance. NOW!" Goku cried. "Stand next to me like this, okay? Then move like this. Fu...sion...ha!"

Gohan imitated his dad. "Fu...sion...ha!" he said.

"Good," Goku said. "Now we try it together. Fu...sion...ha! Fu...sion...ha! Fusion ha! You're good at this!"

Gohan picked up the Fusion Dance quickly, because he had a lot of experience with doing silly poses, thanks to Sharpener's "dance" lessons.

"Now, let's try it for real," Goku said, powering up to Super Saiyan Two. "FU...SION...HA!"

There was a large flash of light as Goku and Gohan fused together to form the super warrior that has been the subject of many an awesome fanart. He had all of Goku and Gohan's distinct features, such as ridiculously large hair and...well, okay, just the ridiculously large hair.

"What do you call a **Go**_-_ku and a Go-**han**?" the warrior asked. "I know! A Go-han! I am Gohan, the strongest warrior in the universe! Look out, Majin Buu! Here I come!"


	25. Gohan Fights Buu, Buu, and Buu

"What happened to Gohan?" Videl asked.

"And where's Goku?" Chi-Chi demanded.

"The two of them have fused together," the Supreme Kai said. "They have now formed one super-being capable of fighting Majin Buu."

Chi-Chi grabbed the Supreme Kai and started shaking him in midair. "I don't care about Majin Buu! I want my husband back!"

"And I want Gohan back!" Videl said. Gohan had been her boyfriend for a few hours, tops. He couldn't be gone forever, just when he and Videl had finally figured out how to kiss correctly!

"I don't know how to undo the fusion!" the Supreme Kai said. "I'm not sure it can be done."

"So they're _stuck_ like that, forever?" Chi-Chi cried. She burst into tears. "Gooooooku!"

"Gohan, you idiot!" Videl said. Why'd he have to do something noble like sacrifice himself to save the whole universe, before their first date?

Hercule put a hand on his daughter's shoulder, sensing that this could be a perfect opportunity for a Great Parenting Moment with Videl. True, he was normally bad at being a serious parent, but he had seen a _Full House _episode about breakups the night before, so he was prepared this time. "I'm sorry, honey," he said. "But I _did_ warn you about teenage boys. No matter what happens, they always seem to break your heart. But that's just the way love feels like when you're young."

"Young?" Videl asked.

"Yeah!" Hercule said, sure he was on the right track. "I mean, sure it hurts a lot now, but that's because Gohan was your first boyfriend, and you don't have any experience with breakups! When you get older, more and more guys will dump you, and you'll get used to it! Why, I bet a _HUNDRED_ boys will dump you by the time you get out of college!"

"That's not helping!" Videl said.

"Um...uh...what I _meant_ to say is that you're a very strong young woman, and even though Gohan and his father are gone, they will live on in spirit, and—wait, if Goku is gone, does this mean Chi-Chi is single again?"

"DAD!" Videl shouted.

Chi-Chi gave Hercule the Glare of Death.

"Augh!" Hercule cried. "No no NO! Bad Hercule! _Bad_ Hercule! I'm totally over her by now!"

"You can't be over me!" Chi-Chi said.

Hercule instantly slid next to Chi-Chi and put his arm around her. "Because we still have a chance together?" he asked.

"Because we were never together!" Chi-Chi snapped.

Hercule took his arm away from Chi-Chi. "Oh...right," he said. "Man, I'm getting to be as stupid as that Sharpener kid."

"You're not _that_ bad," Videl said. No one was as bad as Sharpener.

Chi-Chi sighed. "Is there _any_ way to get my husband back?" she asked.

"Bulma and Trunks are getting the dragonballs," Android Eighteen said. "You can use one of the wishes to undo the fusion."

"Yeah!" Chi-Chi said.

"What's a dragonball?" Hercule asked.

"It's a long story," Chi-Chi said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Trunks and Bulma were having some fun, filler adventures in order to make the episode longer.

"This thing is too slow!" Trunks said, complaining about the jet copter. "Can't I fly by myself?"

"No, that's too dangerous," Bulma said. "Besides, the dragon radar says the next dragonball is pretty close to here."

Bulma landed the jet copter on a somewhat crowded beach. Even though there were a lot of people around, it was easy to find the dragonball, as it was lying near the towel of a Namekian teenager. Dende was wearing sunglasses, a baseball cap and red swim trunks, and he was sitting with a bikini-clad Erasa.

"Thanks to me, we won the championship that year," Dende bragged.

"Wow, that's so amazing!" Erasa said, grabbing his arm. "You're the most awesome guy I've ever met!"

"You're pretty awesome, too," Dende said, snuggling up a little to Erasa.

"A-HEM!" Bulma coughed.

"Bulma?" Dende asked.

"Dende, could I _talk to you for a second?_" Bulma asked dangerously.

Dende sighed. "I gotta go for a sec," he told Erasa. "Don't go anywhere, okay, babe?"

"I won't," Erasa giggled.

"Dende, what the hell are you doing?" Bulma hissed, once they were out of earshot of Erasa.

"It looks like he's picking up chicks," Trunks said.

"That's exactly what I'm doing, dude!" Dende said. "It's so easy, man! All I had to do was use my healing powers to bring this girl's arm back, and now she's all over me! Score!"

"You're _supposed_ to be protecting the Planet Earth!" Bulma said. "We're in a major crisis right now!"

"Dude, I'm on vacation!" Dende said. "Besides, guarding the planet is, like, _sooo_ lame. Girls are so much more interesting than standing around and looking off a tower. I never figured that out until just now! The only girl we had on Planet Namek was Frieza, you know."

"Frieza was a guy," Trunks said.

"Duuude, no way!" Dende said. (Needless to say, Dende had had one too many virgin margaritas that afternoon.)

"Thanks to _your_ negligence, evil aliens have invaded the World Martial Arts Tournament, and they've killed most of our friends, and we need the dragonballs to wish them back!" Bulma said. "So get off your green butt and do something before the entire universe blows up!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh!" Dende said. "I get the message! Take your stupid dragonball and go already!"

Bulma took the dragonball and stormed off, muttering something about irresponsible teenagers. Dende slunk back to his beach towel.

"Pffff, what a buzzkill that lady is," Dende said. "Where were we, babe?"

"I think we were just about to do this," Erasa said, kissing Dende.

Dende's antennas poked out of his hat and started rubbing Erasa's forehead. She pulled back immediately.

"Um...what are those?" Erasa asked.

"My antennas," Dende said. "Everyone on my planet has them."

"Your...planet? Are you an...OHMYGOSH, I just kissed an alien!" Erasa cried, immediately spitting up as much as she could. "Ew! EW! Alien germs all over my mouth!"

"Aw, crap!" Dende said. Why was it that _every_ girl he tried to go out with always dumped him when they learned he was an alien? And why did it take them so long to figure it out, anyway?

* * *

"Well, I'm bored," Vegeta said. "I'm going to go get a sandwich."

"But the fate of the universe is at stake!" Supreme Kai said.

"Blah blah blah," Vegeta said. "You've been saying that for an hour now. Kakarott's fusion has the situation under control."

The fused warrior known as Gohan—a mixture of Goku and Gohan—did indeed have the situation under control. He was currently beating Majin Buu out of shape, stretching him out like he was made of play-doh. Buu wrapped his body around Gohan like a snake, but Gohan simply ripped a hole through Buu's side to free himself. Buu regenerated his legs back, then started punching our hero. Gohan dodged the attacks, and he followed up with several strong punches of his own.

In desperation, Buu started ripping huge chunks out of his body and started throwing them at Gohan. He was hoping to choke and/or absorb his opponent, but Gohan simply blew up all the pink goo as it came near. All except for one piece...

"Buu looks like he's getting weak!" Supreme Kai said, getting overly optimistic. "Gohan might be able to defeat him!"

"Come on, murder him!" Chi-Chi cheered. "Show him that the Son Family is the strongest one in the world!"

The announcer narrated the fight as best he could for the sake of the audience. The audience was surprisingly enthusiastic about all the unannounced fights in the program so far, and they were content to sit back, relax, and watch the show.

* * *

A vendor with a green-and-blue top hat slid some food across the makeshift counter he worked behind. "Here's your turkey-and-salami sandwich, sir," the vendor said.

"Yeah, thanks," Vegeta said, grabbing the sandwich.

Vegeta took a bite of his sandwich, then spit it out. "That's the worst-tasting salami I've ever had!" he cried.

"It is?" the vendor asked.

Vegeta opened up the sandwich to see what was wrong. "Jeez, no wonder it tastes so bad!" he said. "This stuff hasn't even been cooked properly! It's still pink!"

"I'm sorry, sir," the vendor said. "I'll get you a new sandwich right away."

Vegeta paused for a moment while he stared at the blob of pink on his sandwich. "Wait...pink..."

"OH SNAP!" Vegeta shouted.

The pink blob grew into a huge pink blanket which completely enveloped Vegeta and started flying towards Majin Buu.

* * *

"You're good," Majin Buu said. "But I'm still going to win."

"Why's that?" Gohan asked.

"Because I can do fusion, too," Buu said. "GO!"

The pink blob containing Vegeta flew at Buu's stomach, and Buu absorbed Vegeta.

"Oh NO!" cried the Supreme Kai, who had gradually been removed from the role of "main character" into the role of "person who screams a lot about how scary the villain is". "Majin Buu absorbed Vegeta! Now he's...Super Buu-geta! That makes him more powerful than before!"

"That's like the third time you've said that," Videl said. "Seriously, how many more transformations is this Buu guy going to go through?"

"He won't transform any more after this," the Supreme Kai said. (HA!) "He doesn't need to. This is the most powerful form imaginable."

"Prepare to die, Kakarotts!" Buu-Geta said. "I can't _wait_ to kill you!"

Buu-Geta attacked Gohan without mercy, and our hero was sent flying into the ground.

"And the Gold Fighter has landed outside the ring!" the announcer said. "That means he loses the fight! ...Er, at least, he _would_, if he was fighting in the tournament!"

"Okay..." Gohan said. "Point taken. After stealing Vegeta's energy, you're too strong for me now."

"Right," Buu-Geta said, getting ready to Final Flash his opponent.

"Fortunately, I have an ace up my sleeve, too," Gohan grinned. Then he started powering up.

"What?" Buu asked.

The ground started shaking, and almost everyone fell over. "W-w-w-w-what's going on?" Videl asked.

"I ddddon't know!" Hercule said.

"HELP!" Chi-Chi cried.

Eventually, the shaking stopped as Gohan stopped powering up. He was now a Super Saiyan Three, a move he had learned from Goku's side of the fusion.

"Woah..." Videl said.

"Amazing..." Android Eighteen said.

"Somebody call a barber!" the announcer cried. "The Gold Fighter has now become a major Goldy-locks! How did that happen?"

"Time to die, Buu," Gohan said. He flew at Majin Buu and repaid Buu for the damage he had caused, twice over. A very bruised Buu landed on the ground three minutes later.

"Is he dead?" Chi-Chi asked. "He's not moving."

"Stay away from him!" Gohan warned, but it was too late. Buu quickly jumped up and put his arms around Chi-Chi's neck.

"NO!" Gohan cried. Chi-Chi was the person that the Goku/Gohan fusion cared about most.

"Surrender or I kill her!" Buu said, tightening his grip. Chi-Chi tried to scream, but couldn't, due to the lack of oxygen in her lungs.

"Never!" Gohan said.

"Then she dies!" Buu said. He squeezed, and...

"Die, Buu!" Hercule cried, attacking Buu in the back of the head with one of his most powerful jump attacks.

*BAM!*

Buu twisted his neck around without moving his body to take a look at Hercule.

"Excuse me, but why did you scratch the back of my head with your foot?" Buu asked.

"Eek!" Hercule said, seeing that his attack did absolutely no damage to Buu at all. Plus, seeing Buu's head turn around 180 degrees was really creepy. "I wasn't...um...I mean, the back of your head looked itchy, Mr. Majin Buu, Sir, so I thought I'd better scratch it for you! I'm just a kind and considerate guy that way!"

Buu dropped Chi-Chi, who collapsed on the ground. "You die now," Buu said to Hercule.

Gohan flew at Buu like a bullet, right leg outstretched. He connected with the back of Buu's skull, and the force of the blow slammed Buu down into the ground.

"_That's_ how you do that attack," Gohan told Hercule.

"Uh, thanks for the advice," Hercule said.

* * *

"Stupid Bulma," Dende said. He was back on the Lookout, going through his files. "I'm a totally great Guardian of the World. I helped bring Goku back to life, after all. I even built a Namekian dragon! I bet no one has even _died_ yet."

Opening up this list of people who had recently died, Dende saw the following names.

_Goten  
Krillin  
Piccolo_

"Oh...crap," Dende said. "I guess there really _is_ a bad guy who's trying to kill everyone."

Dende knew that, as the Guardian of the Earth, he had to do something about this situation. If he didn't, he could be fired by the Supreme Kai! Dende had never _seen _the Supreme Kai, but the rumors were that he was ten feet tall, had a large black mustache, and a Belgian accent. He used _actual fire_ when firing incompetent guardians.

So Dende decided to work his Guardian of Earth Magic one more time, to bring _another_ fighter back from the dead to help win the battle.

"Which one?" Dende said, looking at the list again. "How about...Sharpener? That's one of Gohan's buddies, right? He looks like he has a high power level."

Having decided on a good fighter, Dende began the ceremony to bring Sharpener back for one day. Baba isn't the _only_ one who can do magic tricks, you know.

* * *

"Grrrr! I hate you!" Buu cried. "You're stronger that me! I haaaaaaaaate youuuuuuuuuuu!"

"Quite the sore loser, aren't you, Buu?" Gohan asked.

Buu flew into the air. It was time for his final plan of attack. Buu's pink skin started twisting and forming and changing. A bright pink ball surrounded Buu as he shrunk and regressed into...

"Kid Buu!" Supreme Kai shouted. "He's turned back into Kid Buu!"

"Let me guess," Videl said. "This makes him even _more_ powerful than before, and we can't possibly beat him now, just like every other transformation he's gone through."

"Right," Supreme Kai said. "Kid Buu is his original, most powerful form, the one he had before he absorbed the Supreme Grand Kai!"

"Who?" Videl asked.

"One of my relatives," Supreme Kai said. "Once Buu absorbed him, his power levels went down, and he became the Fat Buu you first saw."

Android Eighteen closed her eyes. "That doesn't make sense," she said. "He absorbed someone, and it _depleted_ his power levels?"

"Exactly," Supreme Kai said. "That's why the Kid Buu form is the most terrifying form of all."

Eighteen opened her mouth to protest the idea that absorbing a person's powers could make you weaker, but she thought better of it. The Supreme Kai was probably just confused. After all, he said _every_ form of Buu was the most powerful, unstoppable form so far.

The fight between Super Saiyan Three Gohan and Kid Buu was the most intense battle at the tournament that day, but the people watching the tournament didn't think so, because the two fighters were moving so fast that they could barely be seen. Even the Z-Fighters had trouble keeping up with the fight.

The fight got increasingly more brutal as it continued, because the two fighters were getting desperate. Gohan knew he didn't have long before the fusion ended, and if he didn't defeat Buu before then, the universe was doomed. Buu, on the other hand, was getting desperate because he had gone over twenty minutes without killing anyone—the longest he had ever done so.

_He has no weaknesses_, Gohan thought. _If only there was a distraction or...__some__thing that could take his mind off the fight for a moment, then I could sneak in through that opening!_

_Buu want kill man!_ Kid Buu thought. _Must kill someone! Now!_

_Videl!_ Gohan thought at the teenage crime fighter. _Distract Buu, quick!_

_Huh?_ Videl thought. She still wasn't used to telepathic communication. _You want __me__ to do something? But I'm not a fighter like you!_

_No, but you're the best chance we have!_ Gohan thought. Vegeta was gone, Chi-Chi was unconscious, Trunks wasn't there anymore, Piccolo, Krillin and Goten were all dead, Android Eighteen was paying more attention to her daughter than the fight, and the Supreme Kai was about as useless as Hercule. _You're the smartest girl I ever met! I know you can do this!_

_Gohan's still in there somewhere!_ Videl realized. The thought cheered her up immensely, and she ran as fast as she could to the nearest vending machine in order to make a purchase. She returned shortly afterwards, holding her prize above her head.

"Bibbety Bobbety Buu!" Videl cried. "I've got chocolate for you!"

"CHOCOLATE!" Kid Buu screamed.

_There!_ Gohan said, spotting an opening in Buu's defenses, just like Goku spotted the opening in Pikkon's thunder flash attack.

"KAMEHAMHA!" he shouted, throwing a large energy attack at Buu that flung the villain backwards. Buu twisted around and started using his strength to slow the energy ball down, but Gohan increased the energy to as high of a level as he possibly could. The sudden attack and the even more sudden increase of power was too much for Buu to handle.

_*insert victory music here*_

After two grueling chapters, Majin Buu had finally been defeated. Gohan fell down to his knees, in non-Super Saiyan form.

"Heh," he said. "Looks like I did it."

Gohan collapsed unconscious, among the cheers of the crowd and the Supreme Kai.

That was when Tien landed on the scene.

"All right, let's get this fight started!" Tien said.

"Huh?" our heroes asked.

"I sensed an evil power coming from this area," Tien explained. "I could tell immediately that we were in for a really big fight, so I got some sensu beans, and I flew over here as fast as I could."

Tien looked around with all three eyes. No one was fighting.

"Ah, good, the fight hasn't even started yet!" Tien said. "I'm just on time!"

"Um...the fight's over already," Yamcha said.

Tien fell over.

* * *

"I brought you back so you could stop the evil bad guy villain named—_*hic!*_—Majin Food or something like that," Dende told Sharpener. "You think you're up for that?"

"Totally," Sharpener said. "I'm the captain of the Orange High Baseball Team!"

"Great," Dende said. "I'm going to get another margarita. You get Majin Food, 'kay?"

"Right," Sharpener said, jogging towards the edge of the lookout. He stopped suddenly, then turned around. "Wait! I've got a question! I'm dead, right? That's why I have a halo?"

"Yeah," Dende said.

"So...if I'm dead, that means I can't die again, right?"

"Right, no one can die twice," Dende said.

Sharpener grinned. "Excellent, just checking. See you later, Dendude!"

Sharpener jumped off the edge of Kami's Lookout. About halfway down, he remembered that he didn't know how to fly.

He didn't die when he hit the ground, but it still hurt.


	26. The Tournament Resumes

"And the World Martial Arts Tournament is _finally_ back on track!" the announcer said. "Our next fight is the third fight of Round Two: Chi-Chi Son versus Contestant Shin!"

"Ready!" Chi-Chi said, prepared to kick some purple butt.

The Supreme Kai stepped into the fighting area and walked to the announcer. "I am most sorry, but I cannot fight," the Supreme Kai said. "I need to tell the other Kais about the death of Majin Buu, and I have to find Kabito in Other World."

"HYAH!" Chi-Chi shouted. She ran towards the Supreme Kai and gave him an open-palmed smack to the right eye.

"Augh!" Supreme Kai said. He stumbled backwards a few steps, and Chi-Chi darted forward with a series of attacks, attempting to knock him backwards even further. She landed three punches and a kick before Supreme Kai started dodging.

"Please, Miss!" Supreme Kai said, while trying to avoid being hit. "I wish to forfeit the match!"

"You let those two gray goons attack my husband!" Chi-Chi said. "And Goten died because of those creeps who were after you! You're going to pay!"

"I do not—ooof!—wish to fight you!" Supreme Kai said, while being hit in the eye again.

Vegeta would have approved of Chi-Chi's rage-filled attacks, had he been there to watch. She pulled no punches when attacking the purple-skinned man with the hideous outfit and even more hideous hair. Soon, the self-proclaimed god was sporting a black eye and a few bruises.

"ENOUGH!" Supreme Kai shouted. He flew up into the air, out of Chi-Chi's reach. "I am very grateful to you and your family for helping save the universe, but you Z-Fighters have been nothing but disrespectful to me ever since I told you about Bibidi, Babidi and Buu!"

"The _Cinderella_ monsters," Videl snickered. Now that Buu was dead and _not_ attempting to kill her boyfriend, he didn't seem like a very scary villain at all. The pink blob didn't even speak in complete sentences, after all.

"Like that!" Supreme Kai said. "It's like none of you have ever heard of a Kai before today! And now you physically attack me? Such impropriety is unbelievable! If you will not _give_ me respect, I will _earn_ it by showing you how strong I _really_ am!"

The Supreme Kai focused all his energy into one, big show-stopping attack. "KA...ME...HA...ME..."

"Chi-Chi doesn't know how to do energy attacks! She can't counter the Kamehameha!" Goku cried. Or at least, he _would_ have cried that, if he wasn't in the first aid area at the moment. The sensu beans had healed Goku and Gohan perfectly, but the doctors still wanted to run some tests to make sure they were okay.

"HAAAAAAA!" Supreme Kai shouted. All 110 units of his power level went into that devastating attack, which hit Chi-Chi square in the chest, killing her instantly.

Nah, I'm just kidding. Chi-Chi took two steps to the right, and the attack missed her completely. Meanwhile, the Supreme Kai collapsed onto the ground, completely spent.

"...So _that's_ why he was constantly amazed that we could defeat Babidi's goons with no trouble," Eighteen said.

"Are you _sure _that's King Kai's boss?" Tien asked Yamcha. "His power level is even lower than yours!"

"Hey, that's not funny!" Yamcha said.

"I'm not joking," Tien said.

Chi-Chi started kicking the Supreme Kai, who was too weak to block the attacks. She frowned. It wasn't fun to fight an opponent who wasn't fighting back. She kicked him over to the side of the arena and off the ledge.

"Chi-Chi Son WINS!" the announcer cried. "She moves on to the third round!"

* * *

Meanwhile, our hero Sharpener was a-walkin' through the forest, tryin' to get back to the World Martial Arts Tourney. I call him a "hero" because he was no longer the villainous Majin Sharpener, not because he has any heroic qualities.

Sharpener didn't like being under the control of Babidi. Sure, it was cool to have superpowers and everything, but it was definitely _not_ cool to have no control over yourself. Sharpener was shocked when he remembered the things he did under the wizard's spell, such as kill his friends and attack Videl.

Sharpener couldn't believe it. He attacked Videl! The girl of his dreams! All because of the Majin-ous influence!

So when Sharpener was brought back from DBZ Hell (AKA having to wait two years before getting new episodes), it was a godsend. He was determined to stop Babidi and Buu, to make the world a better place for everyone, and to become the best person he could be.

It was a great idea, and Sharpener was dangerously close to showing some actual character development for once, but alas, he still thought that "being a good person" meant "having a hot girlfriend".

And so he was just as useless as ever.

"When I defeat Bibby-bobby-biddy-buu, I bet a _bunch_ of hot girls will want to go out with me!" Sharpener said. "Even though I'm all dead and stuff. Being dead isn't that bad, though. It's totally cool that I have a halo now. _Halo_ is the most awesome videogame ever! Yeah!"

Yep, just as useless as ever. And speaking of useless characters, Sharpener saw someone in a nearby clearing...

"Muahahahaha!" a short pale green alien named Garlic Junior shouted, holding up his prize. Garlic Junior had recently escaped from the Dead Zone to wreck havoc on Earth. "I have the five-star dragonball! When I get all seven, I will be unstoppable!"

"What's up, dude?" Sharpener asked this stranger.

"What's up? I'm about to take over the world, that's what's up!" the dwarf shouted.

"Cool," Sharpener said. He leaned to the side, resting his elbow on Garlic Junior's head. "Say, do you know how to get to the World Martial Arts Tournament from here? I need to go there to fight someone."

"You're a fighter?" Garlic Junior asked.

"One of the strongest on the planet, little dude," Sharpener said.

"Oh," Garlic Junior said, smiling to himself. He needed some strong fighters if he was going to take over the planet, and Sharpener would _definitely_ count as dumb muscle. Garlic Jr. decided the best thing to do would be to get Sharpener on his side.

"I can take you to the tournament, but only if you help me get revenge on the morons who trapped me in the Dead Zone!" Garlic Junior cried, running the tip of his tongue over his left fang.

"The...what what?" Sharpener asked.

"The Dead Zone! Another dimension which traps people inside forever!" Garlic Junior shouted.

"So, is it like the Twilight Zone or something?" Sharpener asked. "I don't like the Twilight books. They're, like, too full of words for me."

"No! It's a horrible place that you can never escape from!" Garlic Junior shouted.

"Gotcha! It's like math class!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Garlic Junior shouted, his temper getting the best of him. "Watch carefully, okay?"

GJ jumped up into the air and opened a portal to the Dead Zone behind him. You'd _think_ he would have learned to never open portals to the Dead Zone by now, but no one ever accused Garlic Junior of being smart.

"This is the Dead Zone," Garlic Junior explained. "If you get sucked into it, you're stuck forever! For-ev-ver."

Garlic Junior was forgetting, of course, that _he _managed to escape the Dead Zone, thanks to the Makyo Star of Plot Convenience. His second escape from the Dead Zone, which occurred less than an hour ago, was thanks to Majin Buu, believe it or not. When Majin Buu screamed at Gohan, he unknowingly opened a trans-dimensional portal—one of Majin Buu's random powers—and it just so happened that the portal was from the Dead Zone to Earth. Garlic Junior was in the neighborhood at the time, so he flew through the portal.

"How does it suck people in?" Sharpener asked.

"Like this," Garlic Junior said, turning on the inter-dimensional vacuum cleaner. The portal started sucking in everything that was close to it. And who was closest to the portal? Mr. I Open Portals Behind Myself All The Time!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Garlic Junior cried as the portal to the Dead Zone sucked him in. "Not agaaaaaaaaain!"

Garlic Junior and the portal disappeared.

"That was weird," Sharpener said, bending down to pick up whatever it was that his little buddy dropped. It was an orange ball with stars on it. Sharpener put it in his pocket and kept walking through the forest.

::FWOOOMP! FWOOOOMP!::

Soon after, a strange siren sounded. It was coming from a hoverjet, no less than thirty feet away. The jet landed on the ground, and out stepped our heroes Bulma and Trunks.

"The dragon radar says it's right here!" Trunks said, looking at the radar.

"Excuse me, but do you have a dragonball?" Bulma asked Sharpener.

"A what now?" Sharpener asked.

"An orange ball with stars on it," Bulma explained.

Sharpener pulled out his dragonball. "This thing? Yeah, I just found it five minutes ago. You dudes can have it if you want."

"YES!" Bulma and Trunks cheered.

"But only if you give me a ride to the World Martial Arts Tournament," Sharpener said.

"Deal!" Bulma said, shaking Sharpener's hand.

* * *

Dr. Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom scratched his head in confusion. "According to these reports, you two are perfectly healthy!" he said. "It's like you weren't unconscious ten minutes ago!"

Goku winked at Gohan. Tien's Sensu Beans had done the trick.

"Does that mean we can go now?" Gohan asked politely.

"Yes, but...but it doesn't make sense!" the doctor said. "By all accounts, you should have to be in the hospital for at least a week, but you have no injuries whatsoever!

"Gee, thanks a lot, doc, bye!" Goku said, opening the door to leave the room.

"GOKU SON, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, FIGHTING MAJIN BUU LIKE THAT? YOU COULD HAVE DIED OR GOTTEN STUCK—!"

Goku slammed the door shut immediately. "Er, on second thought, doc, I think I'll stay here and get another test after all! Maybe I'm still woozy!"

"Excellent," the doctor said, pulling out a large needle. "First, I'll have to take some blood and—"

Goku screamed. Trapped inside a room with a needle, with an angry Chi-Chi waiting for him in the hallway. There was only one thing for our hero to do. Using Instant Transmission, he disappeared and reappeared 200 miles away.

"Phew!" Goku said.

"Um...where did Mr. Son go?" asked Dr. Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom.

Gohan chuckled nervously. "To the bathroom, I guess? Well, I should be leaving, too, goodbye!"

Gohan ran to the door and went through it before the doctor could ask another question.

"GOKU, HOW DARE YOU—Oh, hello, Gohan," Chi-Chi said. "Are you feeling better?"

"I'm great!" Gohan said. "No injuries at all!"

"That's good to hear," Chi-Chi said. "I swear, if you had gotten hurt, I don't know _what_ I'd do to your father..."

Gohan smiled. He was perfectly healthy, Majin Buu was dead, and best of all, no women were screaming at him.

_"Gohan! What is __**wrong**__ with you?"_

Scratch that.

"Videl!" Gohan said, speaking to the messy-haired girl who had just entered the hallway.

Videl marched over to her errant boyfriend. "You and I need to talk right now, Gohan!" she said, crossing her hands over her chest.

"Um...Mom? Help?" Gohan asked out of the corner of his mouth.

"Go talk with your girlfriend, son," Chi-Chi said, involuntarily shuddering at the word _girlfriend_. She still wasn't used to the idea of any girl getting close to her precious baby boy. "I need to talk with your father."

Gohan let out a whimper as Videl dragged him away to a nearby empty room. He didn't like the looks of this.

"You'd better have a good explanation for what you did!" Videl said angrily. "Fighting Majin Buu like that!"

"Um...I was trying to save the world?" Gohan said, hoping that would satisfy Videl.

"Not that!" Videl said. "Doing that Function thing and disappearing! I thought you were gone forever!"

"Oh," Gohan said, scratching his head. To be perfectly honest, he could barely remember what happened while he was fused with his father. In fact, the only thing he _could_ remember was that the Fused Warrior had chosen a really cool name, probably something like Goharott or The Great Saiyan Man. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you like that."

"Sorry's not good enough!" Videl said. "I thought you died! And if you don't have a good explanation, you _will _die!"

Videl glared at her boyfriend. He was the smartest boy she knew—how could he do something so _stupid?_ Scaring her like that?

Gohan—who is now going to be referred to as The Worst Boyfriend Ever—wasn't paying attention. Videl's words reminded him of what happened seven years ago...

_"It's all my fault!" Gohan cried. "He's gone, Mom! I killed him!"_

_"No," Chi-Chi said. "You didn't kill him. Cell did."_

_"Daddy's gone! I killed my daddy!" Gohan cried. His grip on Chi-Chi tightened, as if he was afraid he'd fall off the planet if he let go._

Goku sacrificed himself to stop a monster, despite the pain it caused his family. Gohan had long ago promised himself that he would never ever _ever_ abandon his loved ones like Goku did...

...But when he was fighting Buu, Gohan was ready to do the exact same thing: give up his life to keep his loved ones safe. It was a noble intention, to be sure, but Videl clearly didn't see it that way.

"Well?" she demanded. "Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to stand there like the idiot you are?"

Gohan's brain scrambled for an answer, and being the nerdy fellow he is, he seized upon an error in Videl's logical thought process. That is, she was mad at him for doing something she did all the time. That's inconsistent, and systematic consistency is a vital part of any valid philosophical system!

"Why do you fight crime?" Gohan asked.

"What?" Videl asked.

"Why do you fight crime?" Gohan repeated. "That's really dangerous, and you could get killed."

"That doesn't have anything to do with what we're talking about," Videl said.

"Yes it does!" Gohan insisted. "What, _you_ get to risk your life, and I don't?"

"Do you _want_ to risk your life?" Videl asked, clenching her fists. " 'Cause that's what you're doing now, arguing with me!"

"I'm not my dad," Gohan said simply. "I don't do martial arts because I like fighting. But if I have to fight a monster to keep my family and friends safe, I will! What's wrong with that?"

"You didn't _have_ to do it, that's what's wrong!" Videl said. "You could have let someone else fight Buu! There was Vegeta, or your dad, or hell, even the freaking god of the universes was there to stop Buu!"

"There was no way _the Supreme Kai_ could have beaten Buu!" Gohan said. "Besides, you fought Buu first! I could say the same things to you!"

"What?" Videl asked. "I never fought Buu!"

"You went to Babidi's Hideout with Piccolo, Eighteen, Goten and the Supreme Kai!" Gohan said. "Are you telling me that you didn't fight anyone there?"

"That's not the same thing," Videl dismissed. "I didn't fight Buu."

"It's _exactly_ the same thing!" Gohan said. "Do you know how I felt when you left to go fight unknown, dangerous monsters? I wanted to quit the tournament right then and there to stop you from getting yourself killed!"

"I can take care of myself, Gohan!" Videl said. It wasn't exactly true—as the weakest fighter in the group, she was the one who was most likely to be killed—but Videl never once thought her life was in danger while they stormed Babidi's spaceship.

"No, you can't!" Gohan said. "That's why I had to fight Majin Sharpener _and_ Majin Buu! If I didn't step in, they would have killed you!"

"So I'm just a big weakling in your eyes, is that it?" Videl shouted.

"No, that's not it!" Gohan said. "I just don't want to see you get hurt!"

"Then stop hurting me!" Videl retorted.

"I'm not _trying _to hurt you, don't you get it?" Gohan said. "I'm trying to protect you!"

"From the evil bubble gun monster?" Videl asked. "Gee, thanks a lot, Gohan!"

Gohan was ready to respond with a really clever comeback—something like, "You're _welcome!_"—but instead a giggle escaped his lips.

"What's so funny?" Videl demanded.

"Evil bubble gum monster?" Gohan asked. He laughed out loud. "Hee hee...what happened to _Cinderella_ monster?"

"I can come up with new nicknames if I want to," Videl said, pouting slightly.

"Hee hee...it's...it just sounds silly when you say it that way," Gohan said. "You were scared that the bubble gum monster got me?"

"I guess it _does_ sound kind of dumb..." Videl said, and she almost smiled...but then she thought better of it and put her foot down. "That doesn't matter, though! He _could_ have killed you!"

"But he didn't, so it's all good, right?" Gohan asked.

"No, it's not!" Videl said. "Look, I'm not mad that you fought Buu—I'm mad that you disappeared with no explanation!"

"But I couldn't have given you an explanation!" Gohan said. "I had no idea that was going to happen!"

"What do you mean, _you had no idea?_" Videl asked. "You're the one who did it!"

"I never heard of fusion before today," Gohan said. "I only did it because Dad said so, not because I knew what would happen. Don't you remember? He forced me to do it!"

Videl thought back to earlier. Goku yelled at Gohan to stop kissing Videl, then taught him how to do the Fusion Dance. Yes, Goku kind of forced Gohan to do it...and the fact that Gohan had to be taught how to do to the Fusion Dance proved that he had never done it before.

Besides, unless Gohan had somehow managed to get rid of his terrible lying skills, he was definitely telling the truth now.

"Oh," Videl said. "Right. I remember now." She turned slightly red. Why didn't she figure that out on her own? It seemed slightly obvious, now that she thought about it.

"Great, now I feel like an idiot," Videl said, turning aside so she didn't have to look at Gohan. "Sorry...I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"It's okay...I guess," Gohan said.

There was a moment of silence.

"So...you're not mad at me anymore?" Gohan asked.

Videl sighed. "No, I guess not. I mean...if it's not your fault, you...I dunno." She still felt upset, but she knew she couldn't take it out on Gohan anymore. Not after yelling at him for five minutes about something that wasn't his fault.

Geez, when did she turn into his mother?

Gohan patted Videl's shoulder in what he hoped was a boyfriend-like manner. "It's okay, Videl. I'm sorry for yelling at you, too...I guess."

The unhappy couple looked at each other sadly.

"This is going to be a problem for us, isn't it?" Videl asked. "The whole fighting thing?"

"Yeah..." Gohan said. "I don't want to see you get hurt while fighting."

"I don't to see you get hurt, either," Videl said. "But we're superheroes. Fighting bad guys is in our job description."

"That stinks," Gohan said. After a pause, he added, "I guess we're too overprotective."

* * *

"And now, it's time for the last fight of Round Two," the announcer said. "You're guaranteed to like this match, everyone! It's the battle of the champions! First up is the former World Champion, Hercule!"

"Ha ha, yeah!" Hercule said, while the crowd cheered. They were no less enthusiastic than usual, despite his first-round loss to Goku.

"And next is former World Champion, Jackie Chun!"

Master Roshi jumped into the arena, hoping to hear cheers and shouts of joy from all the beautiful young ladies in the audience. What he got was some polite applause.

"All right, Old Man!" Hercule said. "Do you think you have what it takes to fight the _Champ?_ I know you won the tournament once, but that was, what, seventy years ago?"

Some people in the crowd laughed.

"You young whippersnapper!" Master Roshi said. "I can fight you with my eyes closed! Just look!"

Master Roshi flexed, and suddenly huge muscles popped up all over his body. Hercule immediately recoiled. The fight was not going to be as easy as he thought.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry for taking so long to write this chapter. The conversation with Gohan and Videl was really hard for me to write.


	27. The Quarterfinals End

The fight against Master Roshi was tough for our afroed hero Hercule. The old man was full of energy...almost _too_ much energy! Hercule actually had to _try_ to dodge some of his attacks! It was terrible—if Hercule lost to this old man, his career would be dead.

Master Roshi, unlike Hercule, was having a grand time.

"Oooooo!" Master Roshi said. "Maybe I'll win the tournament again this year! That'll be great!"

"Don't count on it!" Hercule said, trying to attack Master Roshi with his elbow.

"Hey, you said that anyone who beats you gets to go out with your daughter, right?" Master Roshi asked. "She's *SNORT* a total hottie! I'd love to get a young girl like that to—"

Hercule screamed in rage and delivered a series of Power Punches to Master Roshi's head. The Turtle-Loving Hermit fell over, but while he was lying on the ground, he kicked at Hercule's groin.

"Noooooo!" Hercule screamed, tears forming in his eyes.

"Hey, no hitting below the belt!" the announcer said. "Do that again, and you're disqualified!"

"Sorry!" Master Roshi said. "Won't happen again!"

Hercule grabbed Master Roshi's head with one hand and shoved the old man's face into his armpit.

"Noogie noogie noogie!" Hercule said, rubbing his knuckles across Master Roshi's head.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Master Roshi cried. "I don't have hair, you idiot!"

* * *

Trunks turned off the TV in disgust. "That's the dumbest fight I've ever seen," he said.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Sharpener said. "Hercule is my ideal! Hercule! Hercule! Plus, his daughter is really hot!"

"I wouldn't say that kind of thing if I were you," Bulma advised from where she was sitting, in the pilot's chair of the jet copter. "I happen to know her boyfriend personally, and he wouldn't take kindly to hearing you say that."

"Ha! Gohan's a big wimp and a loser and a dork who...who..." Sharpener began to sob. "Gets the coolest girl in school without even trying, when _no girl has __**ever**__ gone out with __**me!**_I know! I've asked them all!"

"Do we _have_ to ride with this guy?" Trunks asked his mother. "He's such a freak!"

"We're doing it to get a dragonball," Bulma said. "Besides, it's obvious that he needs help."

Sharpener was now sucking his thumb and whining something about his favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Underoo, the Rapping Kangaroo.

"He's still weird," Trunks said. "Plus, he looks a lot like the guy who killed Goten."

"Dende wouldn't bring a bad guy back to life," Bulma said. "He's probably a super-strong fighter who _seems_ like a harmless idiot, just like Majin Buu."

"I think Buu's dead," Trunks said. He hadn't sensed Buu's power level in a while, and the tournament had restarted, so Buu probably wasn't terrorizing the fighters there anymore. "We're not going to fight that pink blob anymore."

"I hope so," Bulma said. She didn't want to tell Trunks, but a while ago, she had a terrible premonition that the fight against Buu went badly for Vegeta. "We're going back to the tournament to drop Sharpener off, so I guess we'll find out soon enough."

* * *

Many people were watching the fight, but Hercule's daughter, Videl, was not among them. Gohan and Videl were still trying to come to grips with the problem that they worried too much about each other.

"I know it sounds selfish, but now that you're my girlfriend, I don't want you to fight criminals anymore," Gohan said. "I'm scared you'll get hurt."

"I understand how you feel, but I can't quit working with the police just because you're worried," Videl said. "How did you deal with me fighting before?"

"Before? Well..." Gohan scratched his chin. "I don't know. I wasn't worried about you before, because I didn't like you as much."

"Oh, come on, you totally had a crush on me," Videl said, nudging Gohan with her elbow.

"What's a crush?" Gohan asked.

"Never mind," Videl said. "I'm just saying, you had to be a little worried about me fighting crime before I became your girlfriend."

"Well, sure," Gohan said. "That's why I chased after you as the Gold Fighter: to make sure you were safe."

"Ah..." Videl said. "You can't do that anymore. I fight crime alone."

"But it's not safe for you to fight crime alone!" Gohan said. "You don't have bulletproof skin like I do!"

"Woah, hold up," Videl said. "You have bulletproof skin? Since when?"

"All Saiyanas have bulletproof skin," Gohan said. "Tough skin helps prevent injuries while fighting."

"Jeez, I thought I was finished finding out about your weirdo alien powers," Videl grumbled. What was next? They grew wings during the wintertime? They had x-ray vision? They could fly on clouds, with the magical power of a pure heart and unicorn gumdrops?

"So if anyone should fight crime, it should be me," Gohan said.

"No way!" Videl said. "I like fighting crime! And besides, I can't stand to sit by and do nothing while _you_ risk your life!"

"It's not risking my life if I fight humans," Gohan said.

"I'd still get worried," Videl said. "Just like when you were fighting Buu."

"Well then, what are we supposed to do?" Gohan asked, frustrated that there was no way to resolve the issue. "_I_ can't fight crime, and _you_ can't fight crime, and we can't just _stop_ being superheroes!"

Videl sighed. "I guess there's only one thing we can do: fight crime together. That way, neither of us has to sit on the sidelines while the other fights bad guys."

"You mean, Videl and the Gold Warrior should team up?" Gohan asked. That sounded great! They would be the ultimate crime-fighting duo!

"On one condition, though," Videl said, remembering the reason why she initially refused to fight crime with Gohan. "Under no circumstances will you do any of your poses."

"What? Awww!" Gohan cried. All the, um, "super cool" dance moves that Sharpener taught him were fun to do!

Videl put her hand on Gohan's shoulder. "I'll teach you what _real_ dancing is like, I promise. Okay?"

"Okay," Gohan agreed. He wrapped his other arm around Videl's waist and pulled her in close for a hug. "You're the best."

"You're great, too," Videl said, hugging him back. It was nice to have a boyfriend who was concerned about her.

* * *

"Hee hee ha ha!" Master Roshi cried. "So this is how strong fighters are nowdays? You're disgraceful! I bet you couldn't even run fifty miles in two minutes!"

"What?" Hercule asked. "No one could do that!"

"I could!" Master Roshi said. "But I'm not going to, because I'm the Turtle Hermit, and turtles are slow! Senile Ninja Turtle Power! Senile Ninja Turtle Power! Doo de doo de doo doo!"

Hercule was in a tight spot. Winning this fight with strength alone was not going to work, seeing as his opponent could grow muscles from nowhere (_how_ did he do that, again?). No, Hercule was going to have to use brains over brawn in this fight, and fortunately, Hercule always used his brain to the best of his ability.

Kind of.

"Oh my gosh!" Hercule cried, pretending to be surprised. He pointed towards the edge of the arena. "There's a group of cheerleaders with, um, really short skirts!"

Master Roshi shouted for joy. "Where? WHERE? I love cheerleaders! Come to cheer for old Master Roshi, eh?"

"HEY-RA!" Hercule shouted, as he performed an ultra-powerful jump-kick straight to Master Roshi's back.

"Nooooooooo!" Master Roshi cried, as he went spinning towards the edge of the arena. "I didn't see any cheerleaders!"

"Hercule wins with a jump-kick!" the announcer cried. "Congratulations, Champ!"

"Ha ha, yeah!" Hercule cried. The crowd started chanting his name, and he gave them a "V for Victory" sign. "That's what happens when someone fights the Champ! I am the best at martial arts, and there is no one, I repeat, NO ONE that I am afraid of!"

"Next round, you'll fight Chi-Chi Son!" the announcer.

"AUGH!" Hercule screamed.

* * *

When Hercule re-entered the Fighters' Room, he found three of his friends waiting for him.

"Way to go, Dad!" Videl said.

"That was great!" Gohan said.

"Congratulations, Mr. Hercule," Goku said. "When _I _fought Master Roshi for the first time, it took me twice as long!"

"Uh...thanks," Hercule said, too worried about the upcoming fight with Chi-Chi to celebrate his recent victory. How was he going to get out of _this_ situation? Maybe the old fake stomachache trick...

"You're not going to fake a stomachache to get out of _this_ fight, are you?" Videl joked.

"Ha ha ha! HA!" Hercule laughed at the top of his voice. "Uh, maybe?"

"Dad!"

"I don't blame him," Gohan said. "My mom is scary when she's mad."

"But she's not, uh, mad at me, right?" Hercule asked. "I mean, she _likes_ me, right? Kind of? Maybe?"

Goku scratched his chin. "I think she said something about she can't wait to 'expose that scruffy-headed phony to the world'."

"Augh!" Hercule said, grabbing his precious afro with both hands. Why did people always go after the hair?

Goku clapped his hand on Hercule's shoulder in a nice manner. "Don't worry, Mr. Champ! Chi-Chi always yells and hits people with frying pans! But she's just a human, so it doesn't hurt! ...Much."

"Pssst! Dad!" Gohan said. "Mr. Hercule is just a human, too!"

"Oh..." Goku said. He giggled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "Um...I mean, good luck?"

"I'm doomed," Hercule cried. "Doomed! I'll have to retire from fighting and go back to my old job of being the popcorn guy at the movie theater! The one that everyone yells at because our prices are too high!"

Videl tried to calm down her father—she was used to him throwing crazy fits like this—and Gohan wondered if he should get a girlfriend whose father wasn't so bipolar when Bulma entered the room, looking for Goku.

"Goku!" Bulma cried. "I've been looking for you everywhere! What happened with Buu? Is Vegeta okay?"

"Hey, Bulma," Goku said. "Great news! We defeated Buu!"

"Yes!" Bulma cheered. "So where's Vegeta? He's the one who defeated Buu, right?"

"Um..." Goku said. He hadn't seen Vegeta since Buu absorbed the large-haired Saiyan, and it was a pretty good guess that Vegeta was killed when Buu was killed.

"Oh no!" Bulma gasped.

"Buu attacked him when he was getting a sandwich," Videl said. "He didn't stand a chance."

"NOOOOOO!" Bulma cried.

"Aw, please don't cry," Goku said. "You got all the dragonballs, right? So when we wish all the people who were killed today back to life, Vegeta will be one of them!"

"Um, what's a dragonball?" Hercule asked Videl.

"It's another one of their weird alien things," Videl explained.

"Ah," Hercule said.

"How did it happen? Why couldn't you stop it?" Bulma asked. "You said Buu was killed!"

"We killed Buu after he killed Vegeta," Goku explained. "I think. I was fused with Gohan at the time, so I wasn't really there."

"Fused with Gohan?" Bulma asked. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

"It's a long story," Gohan said.

* * *

Goku was only able to get away from the upset Bulma when he was called for the next fight.

"Now, onto the semifinals!" said the announcer. "Our first match is Goku Son versus Gohan Son! It's a father/son match, or should I say, a Son/Son match? Goku is a former world champion, and Gohan is a high school student! Should be interesting, folks!"

"Ready, son?" Goku grinned.

"Um...is it too late to forfeit?" Gohan wondered. There was no way he—or anyone else, for that matter—could defeat Goku.

"Fighters, get ready! Three...two...one..."

"STOP!" a voice shouted through the speakers.

"What?" the announcer asked. "Stop? Why?"

"A new challenger has appeared," the voice said.

The audience groaned. "Not _again!_" someone shouted.

"No thank you," the announcer said. "We've had our fair share of unscheduled fights, thank you very much. Might I suggest registering _on time_ for the next tournament?"

"Hold on a sec, I'm almost finished here," the voice said. "Let me just connect this to my iPod, and..."

The announcer leaned towards one of the monk/ushers. "Can you guys turn off the other microphone? And quickly?"

"And there we go! You can't stop the THUNDER! You can't stop the LIGHTNING! You can't stop...the MUSIC!"

_I'm a Little Teapot_ started playing over the speakers.

"And now, get ready for the appearance of the soon-to-be World Champion!" the voice over the speakers said.

Sharpener—because he was the one who hijacked the speaker system—threw down the second microphone and ran as quickly as he could towards the arena. He jumped onto the stage, twirled, and did a double thumbs-up pose.

"Yo ho ho ho ho!" Sharpener said. "Back by popular demand, it's...SHARPENER! S to the H to the A-A-R-P! To the N-E-R-D! Shaaaaaarpner!"

...Sharpner didn't know how to spell his name correctly, in case that's not obvious.

"Hey, isn't that...?" Goku asked.

"...The guy who killed Goten," Gohan said, his eyes turning fierce. "I thought I killed him!"

"You again?" the announcer said. "You've been kicked out of this tournament three times already! Give it up!"

Gohan immediately dashed forward and grabbed Sharpener by the throat. "You killed my brother!" he said.

"No no no no no no!" Sharpener gasped, pointing to his forehead. "That was Majin Sharpener! I'm Normal Sharpener, see? Back to normal, right? I'm your alfredo!"

"I think you mean _amigo_," Gohan said.

"See, we're buddies!" Sharpener said. "You can't hate me! I was the one who set you up with Videl, after all!"

"You were?"

"Yeah, she's not hot enough for me," Sharpener said. And by not hot, I mean, she's super cold. A real Ice Princess. She never shows any emotion whatsoever, man."

"KICK HIS [censored]!" Videl screamed from the sidelines. Sharpener was officially her least favorite person in the world right now.

"Destroy that idiot!" Chi-Chi yelled. She was standing next to Videl on the sidelines.

"How are you not dead?" Gohan asked.

"Dendude brought me back to life," Sharpener said. "And let me tell you, it was a real eye-opener! Dying made me realize that I've been living my life all wrong! I did the wrong things, I said the wrong things, and I basically wasted all of my precious time."

Sharpener wiped away a tear. "All I cared about was getting a babe for a girlfriend," he said. "And so I bugged all the girls in school, making their lives—and mine—miserable. Well, no more. From now on...I'm going to spend my life trying to get a SUPER babe for a girlfriend! Yeah!"

Sharpener jumped up and down with joy. "Go for the gold! No pain, no gain! I'm going to show the women of the world that I am the most desirable bachelor ever!"

"That's, er, great, Sharpener," Gohan said. "But we're sort of in the middle of a fight now, so..."

"Don't worry," Sharpener said. "I'm almost done. I was just explaining that I need to get a Super Babe Girlfriend, and the only way to do that is by becoming World Champion of Martial Arts. And in order to do _that_, I have to beat you. Sorry, amino!"

Sharpener began attack Gohan with all his power. He poked Gohan in the shoulder, punched Gohan in the nose, and he put his finger in his mouth, then put it in Gohan's ear.

"Ew!" Gohan said. "Knock it off, Sharpener!"

"Number one!" Sharpener yelled, as he started pulling on Gohan's hair.

Gohan grabbed Sharpener's halo and yanked it. Sharpener fell downwards.

"Ow! Dude, that's attached to my head!" Sharpener said.

Gohan turned the halo upside-down, and threw it like a Frisbee. Sharpener quickly became dizzy as he spun around with the halo and eventually he landed headfirst into some grass.

"All right," the announcer said. "It appears our interloper has been dealt with. Sorry for the interruption, everyone! Now, back to the fight!"

Goku and Gohan began to fight. Goku was able to elbow Gohan in the stomach, then in the shoulder. Gohan tried to twist around and dodge, but Goku just hit him on the side when he was turning.

Gohan jumped backwards a distance to avoid being hit further, and to readjust his stance. He then jumped back forwards at Goku, and Goku brought forward a well-timed fist to Gohan's chin. Gohan almost saw stars as he took a few steps backwards.

That was when Sharpener ran back onstage. "You can't get rid of me _that_ easily!" he said. "I'm dead, so you can't stop me! HYEAAAAAAH!"

Sharpener ran as quickly as he could, right at Gohan. At the last second, he jumped up and threw his foot out to do a jump kick...only he tripped and smashed into Gohan's leg.

"Ow!" Sharpener said.

Goku grabbed Sharpener's foot from behind. "Please stop interrupting our match," Goku said.

"NEVER!" Sharpener cried.

Goku swung Sharpener out of the ring, like a shot put. Sharpener flew right into a wall, where he collapsed.

"And the interloper has been taken care of _again_," the announcer said. "I encourage whoever is responsible for that child to come pick him up. Back to the fight! Goku punches with his right fist! A hit! Gohan drops down, and punches at Goku! Goku dodges and counterattacks! Gohan dodges! A flurry of punches now, as both contestants attack rapidly! I can't see who's winning now, except...oh!"

Gohan fell down again, but got back up quickly. He was thinking of a better way to attack when...

"Number one!" Sharpener shouted.

"You've got to be kidding me," Gohan said.

Sharpener ran back onstage. He was clearly injured, but he wasn't giving up.

"You're going to lose _this _time!" Sharpener said. "Hee hoo...woah!"

Sharpener struck a series of poses, designed to strike fear into the heart of his opponents. It looked more like he had to go to the bathroom.

"Go _away!_" Gohan said.

"No!" Sharpener said. "I'm dead, so I can't be killed! You can hurt me all you want, but I'll always come back for more! I'll just keep coming back and back until you're defeated, and I'm the World Champ!"

"I'll take care of this," Goku said. "Come on, little guy, we're going for a trip." He grabbed onto Sharpener and put his other hand to his forehead. In a flash, Goku and Sharpener disappeared, thanks to the Instant Transmission technique.

"Hey, where'd they go?" the announcer asked.

"Hey, Gohan!" Videl called.

Gohan jogged to the sidelines to where Videl and Chi-Chi were. Goku was probably going to be gone for a while.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Why aren't you fighting?" Videl asked.

"Yeah!" Chi-Chi said. "Do something else besides get attacked!"

"I _am_ fighting!" Gohan said. "My dad is just loads better than me, that's all!"

"No way!" Videl said. "You fought much better than this when you were fighting Buu."

"I don't like fighting," Gohan said. "I'm only good if I'm fighting to save other people. When I'm fighting just to fight, I do really badly."

Videl made a dissenting noise. How could anyone not like to fight?

"It's okay, Gohan," Chi-Chi said. "You don't have to fight if you don't want to."

"Huh?" Gohan asked. "But what about the prize money?"

"The prize money goes out to first, second and third place," Chi-Chi said. "When I beat Hercule in the next fight, you'll get third place."

"Hey! What makes you so sure you're going to win?" Videl asked.

Chi-Chi burst into laughter, and that was when Goku reappeared, floating about a foot over the ground.

"Sorry about that," he said, landing down on the arena floor. "It took longer than I thought it would."

"Where's Sharpener?" Gohan asked.

"I took him far away, so he won't be able to get back and interrupt the fight again," Goku said. "But I didn't touch the ground the whole time! I promise!"

"It's okay if you did, Dad," Gohan said. "I forfeit the match!"

"You _what?_" Goku asked.

"I forfeit!" Gohan called out loudly, so the announcer could hear. "There's no way I can defeat my dad!"

"Aw, but don't you want to at least _try?_" Goku asked. "Quitting is no fun!"

"Gohan forfeits the match!" the announcer cried. "Goku wins!"

The crowd cheered, and the TV networks replayed earlier parts of the fight, where Goku was easily beating Gohan. The color-commentators explained why quitting was clearly the best choice for Gohan to make.

Videl was a little disappointed that her boyfriend gave up his chance at being the world champion, but eventually she agreed it was a good idea.

Chi-Chi, meanwhile, began to stretch. She was ready to finally, _finally_ beat the stuffing out of one Mr. Hercule Satan.

* * *

_Far away from the World Martial Arts Tournament..._

Sharpener scratched his head. Goku had brought him to the strangest place imaginable. The grass was blue, for crying out loud!

"This is the second-largest village in New Namek," the green-skinned man explained. Goku had asked him to give Sharpener a tour of the area.

"Uh, yeah, that's great," Sharpener said. "But, hey, listen, where are the babes?"

"The...babes?" the Namekian asked.

"Yeah, you know, babes, chicks, hotties," Sharpener explained. I've seen all sorts of men aliens, but no women! Where are they?"

"There are no females on our planet," the Namekian explained. "We reproduce asexually."

"No...girls?" Sharpener asked. "At all?"

"That's right," the Namekian said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sharpener screamed.

* * *

**Author's Note: **As the World Martial Arts Tournament (and this story) draws to a close, some questions are answered, but others remain. Will Bulma and Trunks find all the dragon balls? When is Goku going to give Gohan "The Talk"? Will Hercule ever convince Chi-Chi to get a perm? I'm not sure, but stay tuned!


	28. Hercule Fights Chi Chi

"Why does she hate you so much?" Videl asked her father. "I thought you and Chi-Chi were friends, kind of. You have a crush on her, anyway."

"I do _NOT_ have a crush on her!" Hercule insisted.

"You do, and it creeps me out," Videl said.

"I do not!" Hercule said. "Look, I _like_ Chi-Chi, but who wouldn't? She's a strong woman, and she's very passionate, especially when it comes to her kids, and she's really smart, and she has large, pretty eyes, just like your mother's, and her hair is so soft that...AUGH!"

"Told you you have a crush on her," Videl said.

"Oh..." Hercule moaned. Why did life have to be so _hard?_ It wasn't this tough when he was dating Denaira...Then again, that was back when marriage meant "'til death do us part", not "'til death do us part, unless a witch with pink hair brings your dead husband back to life".

"Anyway, my _point_ is that you and Chi-Chi like each other," Videl said. "Or liked each other, at one point. What happened?"

Hercule looked guilty, so Videl knew something was up.

"Dad, _what happened?_" Videl repeated.

"Uh...you know that riot I stopped at your school two weeks ago?"

"Yeah..." Videl said, slowly. Two weeks ago, the police called her in to stop a riot at Orange Star High during Back to School Night. It was strange; there were reports of a tiger attack in the school. By the time Videl showed up, the situation was under control, and Hercule took credit for single-handedly stopping the riot.

"Well...Chi-Chi and I sorta...caused the riot..." Hercule admitted.

"You're kidding me!" Videl said.

Hercule began telling the story of what happened...

* * *

_Two weeks earlier..._

Ah, Back to School Night. The one night of the year where Orange Star High opens its doors to parents, so they can meet all of their children's teachers and make sure the educational standards are up to snuff.

Hercule came to the event, expecting to ask a few questions to the English teacher, because Videl had complained about all the reading they had to do. It wasn't until he made it to the homeroom class that he realized Chi-Chi was there.

_It's her! _Hercule thought. He hadn't seen Chi-Chi since they simultaneously banned each other from their houses.

"Oh, wow, it's Hercule!" someone shouted.

Hercule tried to make his way up the stairs, through the crowd, as best as he could.

"Hey there—Nice to see you!—No, no autographs, please!—Yes, I'm entering the tournament this year.—No, my schedule is very busy.—Ha ha ha!"

Chi-Chi was sitting in Gohan's seat, at the end of the row by the stairs. She had her eyes deliberately closed.

"Um...hello, Chi-Chi," Hercule said tentatively. "Long time no see."

"Hello, Hercule," Chi-Chi said. "I thought you might be here tonight."

"Yeah, well...Back to School Night. We have to do this every year, and..."

"Just shut up and sit down already," Chi-Chi said.

"Er, right," Hercule said, sitting down next to Chi-Chi. He gulped slightly. It would be easy to just ignore Chi-Chi or get mad at her, but he knew he had to do the right thing. They were friends, after all.

"Look," Hercule said. "I know this probably isn't the best place to talk about it, but I think we should stop fighting."

"You do?" Chi-Chi asked. She wasn't expecting this.

"Well, yeah!" Hercule said. "It's kind of childish for us to stop talking to each other, because of Vegela or whatever his name is."

"Vegeta," Chi-Chi corrected. "And you're right. Who cares what that jerk does? It shouldn't affect us!"

"Yeah!" Hercule said. Deep down, Hercule knew that he wouldn't hesitate to sever all his ties to the Son Family if Vegeta threatened his daughter again. Keeping Videl safe was more important than his friendship with the Sons. But that didn't mean he and Chi-Chi couldn't be friends, right? "I think we should—"

* * *

Videl interrupted her father's story. "Wait, you two were fighting about me?" she asked.

"Kind of," Hercule said. "I thought the best way to save you from Vegeta would be to avoid all contact with the space alien guys."

"How was that supposed to save me?" Videl asked.

"Easy," Hercule said. "If you don't have anything to do with the space alien guys, you won't have evil space alien guys trying to kill you."

"I _guess_ that makes sense..." Videl said. _In a stupid kind of way._ "Why didn't you tell me that, though?"

"I did!" Hercule said. "I said no more hanging around that Gohan kid with the crazy hair and the weird dance poses!"

"I thought you said that because he's a boy, not because he's an alien," Videl said.

"Well, that too," Hercule said. "You shouldn't spend time with him because he's a boy and—HEY!"

"What?"

"You disobeyed my orders to avoid Gohan, didn't you?" Hercule said, getting suddenly upset. "This whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing didn't pop out of nowhere! You two were still seeing each other when I said _not to!_"

"Um...maybe?" Videl said.

"VIDELLLLLLLLLLL!" Hercule shouted. "You're grounded!"

"What? That's so unfair!"

* * *

While Videl was talking to Hercule, Chi-Chi was talking to Gohan.

"All I'm saying is that it _might_ be bad for our relationship if you kill my girlfriend's father," Gohan said, trying to be logical about the situation.

"Hmph," Chi-Chi said. "I'm still not entirely convinced that Videl is the right girl for you. You should get a nice, scholarly girlfriend, not a fighter!"

"But Mom! Videl's really nice!" Gohan said. "She's one of the three humans on the planet that we can trust with our secrets!"

"Too bad her father is a self-centered jerk!" Chi-Chi said. "Who goes around insulting my hairdo when he's got the stupidest-looking hair ever! He needs to shave that afro, stubble _and_ greasy mustache off, pronto!"

"Woah, what?" Gohan asked. "When did Hercule ever insult your hairdo?"

"It was at the Back to School Night a few weeks ago..." Chi-Chi explained.

* * *

Mr. Brown was telling the Orange Star High parents about the policies and procedures of his homeroom class. It was the first time in three months that everyone in the classroom was paying attention to him, amazingly enough. Chi-Chi was actually taking notes.

Mr. Brown was in the middle explaining the strange school policy of punishing students by forcing them to hold buckets of water and stand in the hallway, when the bell rang.

"And we're out of time!" Mr. Brown said. "Are there any quick questions?"

"Just one," a male parent asked. "If they're standing out in the hallway where no one can see them, how do you know they're still holding up the buckets of water?"

"Uh...I guess we don't," Mr. Brown said.

"But then, can't they just put the buckets down, and—"

"HEY! Time's up!" Mr. Brown said. "Everyone proceed to the next classroom on your list!"

Chi-Chi checked the syllabus Gohan gave her. "Huh," she said. "It looks like all of my son's classes are in this room."

"Hey, so are Videl's," Hercule said, checking his syllabus. "So our kids have every single class together? Hmmm..."

"I agree," Chi-Chi said. "Hmmmm..."

"This had better be a coincidence, and not a sign that they're secretly dating!" Hercule said.

"Yeah!" Chi-Chi said. "Gohan's too young to be having a girlfriend! He needs to focus on his studies!"

"And if, by some crazy turn of events, they actually _do_ become boyfriend and girlfriend, they're not allowed to go out on more than two dates a week!" Hercule said.

"And they always have to be back home by ten! No, nine!" Chi-Chi said.

All the other parents in the room agreed this was a very good rule.

"And no kissing without parental supervision!" Chi-Chi said.

"Especially not on national TV!" Hercule said.

* * *

"Uh..." Gohan said. His mother's story was starting to sound slightly unrealistic.

"What?" Chi-Chi snapped.

"Did that really happen?" Gohan asekd.

"What? Of _course _it really happened! How dare you accuse me of lying? I'm your mother! You need to treat me—"

* * *

"—With more respect!" Hercule finished his rant.

"All right, all right, I get it already," Videl said, rolling her eyes. "What happened next with Back to School Night?"

* * *

Hercule and Chi-Chi shared a brief chat during the five minute break in between classes.

Chi-Chi would probably deny it, but talking to Hercule was nice. She didn't have a lot of male friends her age, even though she had been in the city for a while now. People in the city were too cold for her tastes. Hercule was one of the few people she met here who had a warm, outgoing personality. He was just like Goku in that way...

Alas, Chi-Chi and Hercule's friendly moment was short-lived, because the next period was English class. That was the one class Gohan and Videl shared with Angela, the big-haired redhead who has a thing for guys with teddy bear boxers.

Now, if you thought _Angela_ had big hair—like most of the DBZ characters—then it's a sure bet you haven't seen the hairdos that her _parents_ have. Her father had a handlebar mustache which was four feet long—long enough that, whenever he rode a bike, he used his handlebar mustache _as the handlebars_. Her mother's hair measured six feet long from top to bottom, and that's after folding it up twice because if it was any taller, she couldn't get through most doorways.

Almost everyone in the classroom gasped in shock.

"H-h-h-hair!" Hercule said.

"Oh, Angelo, this is the right classroom, right?" Angela's mother asked.

"Sure is, Angie," Angela's father said, running his hands along his mustache. "Let's get seats in the front row!"

"Well." Chi-Chi said. "I think you just lost the crazy hair contest."

"Crazy hair contest?" Hercule asked. "Hey, my fro is my signature! Nobody would recognize me without it!"

"Afros are ridiculously out-of-style," Chi-Chi said. "I lived in the middle of the woods for the past twenty years, and even _I _know that. I got rid of my fro _decades_ ago."

"You...you had a fro?" Hercule asked, shocked.

"Back when they were fashionable," Chi-Chi admitted. "But that was a _long_ time ago!"

Hercule's imagination ran wild with all sorts of hairdos for Chi-Chi to try. An afro, the curly-haired side part, the cool-looking bangs which cover one eye...

"You should get a perm!" Hercule said.

"What? No way!" Chi-Chi said.

"You'd look so cute with one!" Hercule said. "It'd be _much_ better than the hairdo you have now! That hair bun makes you look like an old lady."

"Old lady?" Chi-Chi asked, dangerously.

"Uh...not that there's anything wrong with that!" Hercule said, immediately trying to avoid upsetting Chi-Chi. "I'm totally cool with the fact that you're in your late 40's! It's great! Older women are...um...uh..."

Hercule stuffed his foot into his mouth as Chi-Chi roared loudly. Suddenly, the whole room fell silent.

"Was that a tiger?" asked one of the parents.

Mr. Brown, the teacher, looked up from the book he was reading. He saw a huge mass of orange in the front row, thanks to the crazy hairdos of Angela's parents. And he just heard someone mention tigers. Putting two and two together, Mr. Brown came up with five.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Mr. Brown shouted. "THERE'S A TIGER IN THE ROOM!"

"_Tiger?_" everyone gasped.

There was a minor stampede as everyone ran for the door, knocked over desks and caused overall havoc. The person who was screaming the loudest was Hercule himself, who was being subjected to the Old Lady Chi-Chi Slaps of Doom.

* * *

"You probably misinterpreted what he was saying," Gohan said, trying to defend Hercule. "I can see where he's coming from. You kinda _do_ have a weird taste for hairdos." Gohan chuckled. "I remember the one you gave me before I went to Namek! That was—"

Then Gohan saw the furious look on Chi-Chi's face.

"—Um, the best hairdo ever?"

"Does _everyone_ secretly badmouth me?" Chi-Chi cried. "First my friend Hercule, then my son Gohan—what did I do to deserve such horrible treatment?" She would have continued whining in that vein for some time, as is her wont, but she stopped to mentally correct herself. Hercule was _not_ her friend anymore.

* * *

Like most teenagers, Videl thought anyone over 20 was super old, so she wasn't sure why Chi-Chi would freak out about being called an old lady. In actually, Chi-Chi was particularly sensitive to the issue of her age because she was about to start menopause, and her biological clock was not so much ticking as it was pounding. But of course, neither Videl nor Hercule knew that.

"Okay, so you basically called her an old lady with no sense of style," Videl said. "That's why she's so mad at you?"

"I think that's it," Hercule said.

"Did you try apologizing, at least?" Videl asked.

"Yes, but she's too mad at me to listen," Hercule said. "Besides, why bother? Even if she forgives me, she'll just get mad at me for something else."

Hercule was wondering what he should do. On the one hand, he could take the coward's way out and forfeit the match. It'd save a lot of pain and suffering. On the other hand, he could be brave and enter the fight, even though he knew he would lose.

_Who knows?_ Hercule thought. _Maybe if she beat me up, I'd stop having those strange feelings about her. The strange feelings that I can't stop __**no matter how hard I try!**_

Videl sighed. Whenever she was upset and talked to her dad, he always knew the right thing to say to cheer her up. He was really good at giving inspirational advice, mainly because he had memorized several books of inspirational quotes for use in his speeches. But now, Videl could tell, it was _her _turn to cheer her father up.

"Look, Dad..." Videl said. "You know, how...um...you know how you were super-brave and stood up to Cell, even though you were scared he would kill you?"

Hercule leaned closer to his daughter and whispered. "That didn't really happen, and you know it!"

Videl slapped her face. This wise advice stuff was harder than she thought. Where was that brainiac Gohan when you needed him?

"Well, you're not alone," Videl said. "Gohan's scared of his mom, too, and..."

No, that didn't sound right.

"Um...uh...I got it!"

Videl slammed her hands on the table and stood up. "Do you know why I first kissed Gohan?" she asked demandingly.

"No, and I don't _want_ to know!" Hercule scowled. He didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"It was because he _finally_ stood up to Chi-Chi!" Videl said. "Do you know what'll happen if you give in to her now? She's just going to keep yelling and screaming and whining and—" Videl broke off as she realized with horror that Chi-Chi would be the worst mother-in-law ever.

"You're right!" Hercule said, standing up and flexing his muscles impressively. "I can't let her walk all over me! I'm big! I'm strong! I'm the World Champ! I'll crush her into a thousand pieces! Ha ha ha! Haaaaaaaaa!"

* * *

"So, Champ, anything to say about this fight before it gets underway?" the announcer asked Hercule.

"Yes!" Hercule said into the microphone he was holding. "Chi-Chi Son is going down! I don't lose to _anyone_, especially old ladies with crazy hairdos!"

Chi-Chi growled loudly.

"Yeah, that's right!" Hercule said, giving the V for Victory sign to the camera. "I'm making it to the finals again this year, and that's a promise you can take to the bank!"

"Strong words from Hercule, everyone," the announcer said, walking over to Chi-Chi. "And what do _you_ have to say, Chi-Chi?"

"I'm going to _murder_ that lunatic!" Chi-Chi said into her microphone. "I've been fighting _way_ longer than him!"

"Yes, that's right, Chi-Chi did quite well in the last tournament she competed in, the 23rd Tournament, where she—"

"That was twenty years ago!" Hercule interrupted. "And I know for a _fact_ that she hasn't done any training since then! She probably forgot everything she knew!"

"I knew enough to give you a black eye the last time we fought!" Chi-Chi said.

"Only because I wasn't fighting back!" Hercule retorted.

"It seems our two contestants have fought each other before!" the announcer said. "And they are both raring for a rematch!"

* * *

Up in the stands, the Z-Fighters were paying close attention to the pre-match argument.

"Wow, they really hate each other," Ox King said.

"Not really," Videl said. "They both like each other. They're just too stubborn to admit it."

Goku laughed. "Stubborn, huh? That sounds like Chi-Chi!"

"How do they know each other, anyway?" Ox King asked. "Did they meet after you two became a couple?"

"No, grandpa," Gohan said. "They were friends when we first moved to Hercule City. They used to go to lunch together and things like that."

"WHAT?" Ox King cried. "Chi-Chi isn't allowed to have lunch with other men! She's too young for that sort of thing! I forbid it! I'm her father, and what I say goes!" He continued ranting in this vein for quite some time.

"Oh," Gohan said. "So _that's_ where Mom gets it from."

* * *

Finally, the pre-fight banter came to an end, and Hercule and Chi-Chi gave their microphones back to the announcer. They took their stances, facing each other.

"Ready! Fight!" the announcer cried.

Chi-Chi and Hercule started circling around, trying to find an opening to attack.

"It's a shame it has to end like this," Hercule said. "For a while, I kind of liked you."

"Ha!" Chi-Chi said. "You never liked me for myself! You only liked me because I'm pretty!"

"Ha!" Hercule laughed. "I'd never be attracted to an ugly, miserable old goat like you!"

He sprung forward and aimed a weak punch at Chi-Chi's right shoulder. She leaned left and tried to deliver a karate chop to Hercule's side, but he brought his arm back and blocked her attack with the back of his hand. He tried a karate chop with his other hand, but she blocked it and jumped backwards. They resumed circling around each other.

"I should have figured you out sooner," Chi-Chi said. "You're not a good person! You're just a huge pervert!"

"Just like your son!" Hercule said. "I've seen the way he looks at my daughter! If he ever tries anything inappropriate with her..."

Chi-Chi lunged forward, and Hercule lunged forward to meet her. She was feinting, so she quickly drew back. He regained his footing instead of falling down like she hoped he would. She kicked at him, but he jumped to dodge.

"I raised him better than that!" Chi-Chi said. "Besides, it's _your_ daughter who's the dangerous one, not Gohan!"

"My daughter is a perfect little angel!" Hercule said. "Both your sons are dangerous maniacs who could blow up the planet at any moment!"

Hercule and Chi-Chi started trading punches with each other. She landed two good hits to the side of the face, but he got her with a nice uppercut. She brought her leg up to slam her knee into his chest, and he dropped down to get a firm grip on her uplifted leg. This was one of Hercule's flashy moves that he liked to do, but rarely got a chance to execute properly. He lifted Chi-Chi over his head, one hand holding her ankle and the other one holding her knee. Trying to ignore the punches she was showering on his head, he pulled his right arm back and with a great heave, he threw her a few feet away, where she half-crashed, half-landed on the ground.

Chi-Chi was up in a flash, and she was snarling. "Need I remind you that I don't have two sons anymore?"

Hercule's face fell. Sure, he was fighting with Chi-Chi, but he'd _never _go so far as to insult someone because their child just died. That would be cruel. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'm...dreadfully sorry for your loss."

"Huh?" Chi-Chi asked. Hercule sounded...sincere.

"I'm sorry about Goten," Hercule clarified. "I liked the little dude."

"He...he liked you, too," Chi-Chi said weakly. Even though she didn't want to, she remembered Goten talking about Hercule only a week ago.

* * *

"But _why_, Mommy?" Goten asked. "I like them!"

"I said they're not allowed to come to our house anymore!" Chi-Chi snapped. "Now stop asking if they can come over!"

"That's not fair!" Goten said. "I wanna see Videl and Mr. Hercules, and you won't let me because...because...you're a big meanie!"

"Goten! How dare you talk to me like that? You go to your room for a time-out, mister! And no dinner for you!"

Goten started crying, but he marched up to his room like he was ordered to.

* * *

Suddenly, fighting Hercule didn't seem so important anymore.

Chi-Chi let her arms fall down to her sides. _Have I...have I been doing everything wrong? _she wondered.

Hercule sensed his opening and came forward with a volley of punches. Chi-Chi started dodging them by instinct, like any good fighter would.

_I've been so focused on defeating this man_. _What's the point?_

She slapped Hercule on both sides of his head at the same time. He shook his head wildly, then head-butted her. She faltered a few steps.

_Sure, he called me an old lady, but it's not because he's mean. It's because he never thinks before he says anything._

Chi-Chi shook her head. _Fight now. Think later._

"You're goin' down!" Hercule said. "No one can stand up to the Champ!"

_Time to end this._

Chi-Chi slammed her foot on Hercule's foot, hard. Hercule grabbed his foot and started jumping up and down, moaning loudly.

Chi-Chi grinned. She grabbed Hercule's afro with one hand and pulled him down.

"OOOOWWWW!" Hercule cried. "Let go! Let go! Let go!"

In retaliation, he grabbed a chunk of Chi-Chi's hair and yanked downwards. Our two heroes almost smashed their heads together as they both fell onto the ground, face-first.

"...That could have gone better," Chi-Chi said, shaking her head and getting back to her feet.

"I told you to watch the fro!" Hercule said, fluffing up his hair to get it back to its normal shape. "Good thing I used the conditioner with extra bounce today..."

"_Bounce_ is right!" Chi-Chi said. She picked up Hercule and bounced him out of the ring. At least, she was _hoping_ to do that, but Hercule was a mite heavier than she expected. He grabbed her arms, pinned them to her sides, and drew her in close to him. Their faces got closer and closer, until they were only an inch and a half apart.

Then he rubbed his unshaven cheek against hers.

"Augh!" she cried. It hurt to have his stubble brushing against her cheek, cutting into it. "Stop that now!"

"Not until you say I don't have to shave my stubble!" Hercule said.

Chi-Chi struggled against Hercule's large arms, and she attempted to knee him in the stomach. It didn't work, and finally she said, "Fine! You don't have to shave your chin!"

Hercule let her go and smiled. He was _so_ winning the hairdo competition!

"It's your ugly mustache that you need to shave!" Chi-Chi said.

...Or not.

"My stache is awesome!" Hercule said. "It makes me look like Super Mario! How _dare_ you insult it? I've had this baby ever since I was three years old!"

"Oh, how cute!" Chi-Chi said, mockingly. "You want to be a superhero! I guess that explains why you have a _stupid-looking cape!_"

"What's wrong with my cape?" Hercule asked.

"Oh, nothing, wearing capes is fine..._if you're a vampire!_"

"Augh!" Hercule said. He pointed an accusing finger at Chi-Chi. "You have totally crossed the line! Nobody gets away with insulting my personal appearance, except Videl and my stylist!"

"I'm sorry," Chi-Chi said. "I forgot that you hire disabled people. That's really generous of you."

"Disabled people?" Hercule wondered.

"Yeah," Chi-Chi said. "I can tell that your stylist is handicapped..._because she must be completely blind!"_

"Gack!" Hercule said. Chi-Chi kept on insulting him! Why did she have to be so mean? And why didn't she use some of those one-liners during the pre-fight argument, when the people in the stands could hear them?

Hercule put his hands up and swayed his head, Egyptian-style, before moving in with a bone-shattering kick that Chi-Chi was able to counter. She aimed a punch at his stomach, but he dodged to the left, then poked Chi-Chi in the eyes.

"Who's blind now?" Hercule taunted.

"RAAAAA!" Chi-Chi yelled, opening her mouth wide and plunging forward, as if she was planning on biting Hercule on the neck. He dodged around her in a fluid motion, not breaking off her momentum, and then he pushed her from behind. She stumbled for a bit before turning around, hands held high, ready for another attack.

Hercule jump-kicked straight at Chi-Chi's torso and made successful contact. Instead of stumbling backwards, towards the edge of the arena, she tried to fall down and forward, on top of Hercule. All that happened, however, was that she landed on one knee, with both hands flat on the ground. From that position, she sprang at Hercule and started a series of karate chops, her specialty attack.

Hercule started dodging, with difficulty at first, but then he got into a groove. Instead of fighting back, he decided to let Chi-Chi waste all her energy. She threw many punches and hits (some of which were successful), and ended by pushing Hercule backwards.

"That's it!" Chi-Chi yelled. "I am going to rip you limb from limb, if it's the last thing I do! I will personally tear off all your hair and make you _eat it!_"

"Bring it, Grandma!" Hercule cried.

Hercule and Chi-Chi charged at each other, and started furiously dealing out punches and kicks. The dodging was minimal here, as they relied more heavily on counter-attacks. Sweat began to trickle down Hercule's brow, and Chi-Chi's hair started to slip out of place. Irritated, she readjusted her hair, and resumed attacking.

_Hmmm..._ Hercule noted. Chi-Chi's hair was not so secure. He could use this to his advantage.

Hercule jumped straight up and spun his foot around towards Chi-Chi's head. She ducked in response. Hercule landed on the ground and jumped again. Once again, Chi-Chi ducked.

_No, dang it, you're supposed to jump up after me so your hair can fall in your face and blind you!_ Hercule thought. _That way, I can attack when you're helpless and win the fight!_

Hercule jumped one more time. Chi-Chi grabbed his outstretched leg, and using the momentum of his spin, she spun him around in midair and threw him towards the edge of the ring.

"Oh no!" the announcer cried. "This could be it for our champion!"

Hercule found himself flying towards the grass outside the ring. He threw his arms out wildly, trying to grab something, _anything_ that would stop him from falling out. By sheer luck, he grabbed onto one of the four pillars in the corner of the ring, then swung around it and landed back inside.

"Boo-yeah!" Hercule cried, while the crowd cheered. He waved to his fans in the stands and celebrated his close escape from elimination, which was a mistake. While Hercule wasn't paying attention, Chi-Chi got a running start and did a jump kick right at his back.

"Oooph!" Hercule cried as he was slammed right into the nearby pillar.

_Darn!_ Chi-Chi thought. She was aiming for the outside of the ring, not the pillar.

"Mommy, my singing is popsicle-flavored," Hercule moaned, before slumping to the ground.

"After narrowly escaping elimination by ring out, Hercule left himself open to an attack from behind!" cried the announcer, running to the corner of the ring so he could see better. "And now I think it's elimination by knockout!"

Chi-Chi smirked in a very Vegeta-like fashion as she stood over Hercule's sprawled-out body.

"I'll start the count! One! Two! Three!"

* * *

"Come on, Dad, get up!" Videl yelled from the stands.

"Way to go, Mom!" Gohan cheered.

Videl elbowed Gohan in the stomach.

"Ouch!" Gohan said. "I mean, don't give up, Hercule!"

* * *

"Seven! Eight! He's not unconscious, but I don't think he can hear me! Nine! T—"

Hercule was, of course, used to playing dead until the last second of a countdown. It always made things more dramatic if you stretched out the countdown time, after all. And as soon as the announcer began to say "ten", Hercule sprung back up to his feet and roared loudly, as if he'd never been hurt at all.

At least, that's what he would have done under normal circumstances. The blow from Chi-Chi was a bit _too_ much for him to handle at the moment, so the best he could do was swing his hand out, grab Chi-Chi's ankle, and pull.

"Woah!" Chi-Chi cried, as she fell over backwards and landed on her butt.

"He's not out yet, folks!" the announcer said.

With a jerky movement, Hercule pushed himself off the ground and rolled on top of Chi-Chi. He was lying sideways across her, and he kept her firmly pinned on the ground with his weight. It was a minor reprieve, because he could stop there and rest without moving for a bit, even though she was pounded his back with punches.

"Hey, I've got her pinned!" Hercule said. "Where's the countdown?"

The announcer covered the microphone with his hand. "Er, this isn't wrestling, Champ. It's Martial Arts."

"Oh, right," Hercule said.

"So get off of me, you big lug!" Chi-Chi cried.

"Just a second," Hercule said.

After ten seconds, Hercule was ready to move again. He pushed himself off of the ground and got back to his feet in one fluid motion. Chi-Chi got up, too, and charged. Hercule did a quick dodge to the left, but Chi-Chi managed to hit the back of his foot. Hercule fell down, but instead of landing face-first, he did a complete summersault and turned around.

_I really should get away from the edge of the ring,_ Hercule thought. It was dangerous to be close to the edge, but it would make pushing Chi-Chi out so much easier.

...If he could somehow push Chi-Chi out, that is.

"Grrrrrrr!" Chi-Chi cried.

"Rarrrrr!" Hercule grunted. He lunged towards her, planning on feinting to the left, but she hit him with a solid uppercut. He punched her in the shoulder, and she gave him a hearty shove. He planted a firm foot behind him to avoid stumbling backwards, then tackled her. She twisted around, trying to get out of his grip, and he ended up skidding face-first across the arena, while she landed on her rear end. From this position, she kicked him in the side, knocking the wind out of him.

_This fight isn't going so well... _Hercule thought.

"Hercule! Hercule! Hercule!" the crowd cheered, urging their hero on. Hercule took a deep breath and got back up.

"Is that all you got?" Chi-Chi cried. She could easily continue for another six minutes, at least. Hercule didn't look like he would last for six more _seconds_.

Hercule started panting in deep breaths.

"HA!" Chi-Chi said. "After all that yelling and bravado, this is all you have to show for it? Suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of 'an old lady'? I expected more of you, 'Champ'!"

"You...quiet!" Hercule said.

"Ha ha ha!" Chi-Chi laughed. "Now the world will finally see what a big phony you really are! Do you have anything else to say before I eliminate you?"

"Huh...hurrr..." Hercule panted. He would normally have come up with a clever insult, but he was hurting too much at the moment.

Chi-Chi was falling into the same trap Gohan fell into seven years ago, when Gohan was fighting Cell. Instead of instantly defeating his enemy, Gohan chose to revel in Cell's pain. Chi-Chi was doing the same thing here. She was deliberately prolonging the fight in order to humiliate Hercule, when the smart thing to do would have been ending the fight immediately.

"Ah, don't feel bad," Chi-Chi gloated. "Tell you what. I'll give you the chance for one last attack before I eliminate you. One last shot. Gimme what you got."

Hercule shook his head, trying to think clearly.

Chi-Chi took a few steps backwards, towards the edge of the ring. "Look at me! I'm so close to the edge of the ring! It'd be really simple to push me out, wouldn't it? Come and get me!"

Chi-Chi was planning on dodging any attack Hercule would throw her way. _That would be a nice end to the fight_, she thought. _I dodge, and the idiot eliminates himself by running out of the ring!_

"RAGING AFRO ATTACK!" Hercule cried.

"Raging _afro?_" Chi-Chi asked, the strange name of the attack distracting her for a second.

One second was all Hercule needed. He tackled Chi-Chi in the gut, wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to himself as he jumped out of the ring. The two of them fell to the ground, with Chi-Chi on the bottom.

"Ring out!" the announcer cried. "But who landed first?"

"Obviously, she did!" Hercule said. "She's on the bottom!"

"He had his arms wrapped around me!" Chi-Chi said. "His hands hit the ground before my back did!"

"Oh, man," the announcer said. This was a tricky situation to judge. Hercule used a standard tackle on Chi-Chi—he wasn't exactly in a condition to do a complicated fighting move, after all—so his hands _should_ have been on her back.

The announcer pressed his earpiece that connected him to the judges' room. "We're going to have to take this to the video review judge," the announcer said. "In the meantime, let's see that elimination again!"

The final moment of the fight started playing on the big screen in slow-motion instant replay, and everyone watched it intently.

"No, wait!" the announcer said, looking at Chi-Chi's back onscreen. "Hercule's hands clearly hit the ground before Chi-Chi's back did. That means...CHI-CHI SON WINS!"

The crowd cheered, although some of them were shocked at seeing their hero defeated.

"Nooooooo!" Hercule cried.

"Yes! Yes! YES!" Chi-Chi cheered, almost dancing for joy.

"No! No! No!" Hercule sobbed, collapsing on the ground. His championship belt...gone! His reputation...vanished! His mansion and all his money...no more!

Chi-Chi's smile fell as she saw Hercule crying. Stupid Hercule. Why did he have to rain on her parade?

Maybe Goku influenced her more than she knew, Chi-Chi later reflected. Instead of gloating like she wanted to, Chi-Chi knew that she would have to do the right thing in this situation.

Sighing audibly, she reached out her hand and tapped Hercule on the back. Hercule looked up, and saw a smiling Chi-Chi with her hand outstretched. He grabbed it, and she helped pull him back up to his feet.

"Good fight, Champ," she said.

"Yeah..." Hercule said. He choked back some tears; he was on national TV, after all, and he had to protect his image. "Good fight."

"Hey, we're still friends, right?" Chi-Chi said.

"Friends...?" Hercule asked.

"I have a feeling we'll have to get along if we want to keep our kids in line," Chi-Chi said.

Hercule stopped trying to hold back the tears as he enveloped Chi-Chi in a bear hug. "Friends forever!" he said.

The crowd cheered loudly, seeing the two warriors reconciled to each other.

"And, uh, nothing _more_ than friends," Hercule said. "Just in case you were wondering."

Chi-Chi smiled at that. "Yeah!" she said. "Nothing can ruin our friendship!"

"Hold it!" the announcer said, pressing his finger to his earpiece. "Just a second, everyone! The judges are saying Chi-Chi _doesn't_ win!"

"...Except that," Chi-Chi said. She let go of Hercule and turned on the announcer. "_What do you mean, I don't win?_" she shouted.

"Get that image on the screen!" the announcer said. The screen replayed the end of the fight, and it paused slightly before the fighters hit the ground.

"There?" the announcer asked. "But...Hercule's arms are wrapped around Chi-Chi's torso! The picture clearly shows that his hands hit the ground before he back does!"

"_Exactly!_" Chi-Chi shouted. "Where are these judges? I'll rip them apart!"

The announcer listened to the words that were coming through his earpiece, and he gasped. "Her foot!" he said, pointing at the screen. "We were too busy focusing on Chi-Chi's back to notice that her _foot_ clearly hit the ground before Hercule's hands did!"

And indeed, that's exactly what the still frame on the big screen showed. Her foot, a few inches below the rest of her body, was touching the grass.

"You're kidding me!" Chi-Chi said.

Hercule scratched his head. "Okay, I'm ready to wake up from this weird dream now," he said.

"HERCULE WINS!" the announcer cried. The arena erupted in cheers, and Chi-Chi said a very bad word at this point. "This means Hercule is going up against Goku in the final! A rematch between the two former champions! Isn't this exciting, folks?"

"Rigged!" Chi-Chi screeched. "This competition is rigged! I'll never forgive you for this, Hercule!_ Never!_"


	29. A Fake Engagement, and Shenron Summoned

**Author's Note: **Aw...it seems that we're coming to the end of the story!

* * *

The World Martial Arts Tournament paused for a twenty-minute intermission before the final fight between Goku and Hercule. This was so the TV networks could take a commercial break, the fighters could get some rest, and everyone in the stands could get some food and/or take a bathroom break.

Chi-Chi yelled at Hercule all the way to the fighters' room, which was empty because there weren't any other fighters left in the tournament (except Goku).

"_That was total nonsense!"_ Chi-Chi hollered. "_I demand a rematch! I need a lawyer here!"_

"Okay, I get it!" Hercule said. "You're mad that you lost the fight! Shut up already!"

_"How dare you tell me what to do? If you don't watch out, I'm going to beat you for good! Then everyone will see that I'm stronger than you!"_

Hercule put his hands over his ears. "I'm two feet away from you! Stop yelling! Besides, what difference does it make who won the fight? Like I always tell the kids, it doesn't matter if you win or lose a fight; what matters is that you try your hardest!"

Chi-Chi put her hands on her hips and (thankfully) lowered her voice. "Please tell me you are _not_ trying to calm me down by quoting one of your dumb publicity speeches!"

"Look, I admit it, you're a better fighter than me," Hercule said, biting the bullet. "I know it's true, and you know it's true. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"No," Chi-Chi said. "Because, thanks to you, everyone in the world thinks the exact opposite is true!"

"But Chi-Chi, it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks!" Hercule said. "What matters is what _you_ think!"

"Stop quoting your inspirational speeches at me!"

"Dang," Hercule said. He was hoping she wouldn't catch that last one. "Okay, whatever. You're mad at me now. I get that. What I'm trying to say is that doesn't matter now, because we have more important things to worry about."

"Like what?" Chi-Chi asked suspiciously.

"Like our children!" Hercule said. "You don't honestly expect me to sit back and do nothing while my precious Videl goes through her first relationship, do you? No! We have to take an active role in this relationship, or else it'll go straight down the tubes!"

"Agreed," Chi-Chi said. "First of all, Videl needs to get a new wardrobe. Second, she needs to—"

"Huh?" Hercule asked. "What's wrong with the way she dresses?"

"What _isn't_ wrong with it?" Chi-Chi said, offhandedly. "The girl dresses like a middle-aged plumber. Plus, she's way too mouthy for—"

"Too mouthy?" Hercule asked. "She's not too mouthy! Gohan is too quiet!"

"You're crazy!" Chi-Chi said, slamming her fist into her other hand. "Videl is always shooting off her mouth without thinking, just like her stupid father! She's not good enough for my Gohan!"

"What? Rah! Urrrgh!" Hercule said, making a series of strange faces. "Well, fine! I was just thinking that Gohan isn't good enough for _my Videl!_"

"Fine!" Chi-Chi said. "Then maybe we should break them up!"

"Fine!" Hercule said. "Maybe we should!"

"Fine!" Chi-Chi said. "How do we do that?"

"Fine!" Hercule said. "I don't know!"

"Fine!" Chi-Chi said. "That's because you're a stupid idiot!"

"Fine!" Hercule said. "No, I'm not! I'm—wait, why do we keep saying, 'Fine!'?"

"I have no idea," Chi-Chi said.

There was a pause.

"So...uh, what now?" Hercule asked.

"We destroy our children's relationship!" Chi-Chi said. "I can't let Gohan be contaminated by your evil family!"

"Ah, gee, on second thought, maybe this isn't a good idea," Hercule said. "Gohan isn't the ideal boyfriend for Videl, but I don't _hate_ him, and if Videl ever found out, she'd—"

"Stop getting cold feet, you big chicken," Chi-Chi said. "Now let me think...what's the best way to destroy a relationship?"

"Seriously, this is sounding like a _really_ bad idea," Hercule said. "I love my daughter, and I'm not going to deliberately break her heart just because—"

"I've got it!" Chi-Chi said. "We can break up their relationship by getting married!"

Hercule's jaw almost dropped to the ground, did a sprint around the room, and jumped back up to his mouth. "WHA AHOHWOIH WHA WHAAAAT? NO! No WAY am I marrying a nutjob like you! You'd just yell at me every day for the rest of my life! You'd make fun of my hair! I don't care if you're kind of pretty! It's what's on the _inside_ that counts, and on the inside, you're scarier than Halloween!"

"LOOK WHO'S TALKING!" Chi-Chi said. "And I didn't mean _real_ marriage! I meant fake marriage!"

Chi-Chi had done something tricky like this when she was a young girl, when she thought both Goku and Yamcha were madly in love with her. Or something like that. The entire Dragonball series was kind of blur to her, to be honest. Something about a fan that puts out fire? And a really strange outfit...

"I'm not even going to _fake_ marry you!" Hercule said. "I'm not a genius by a long shot, but even _I_ can tell there's no way that plan would end well!"

"FINE!" Chi-Chi said. "I'll do it myself, you big jerk!"

She gave Hercule a good, hard smack, and he crashed into the wall.

* * *

Videl and Gohan were completely unaware that their parents were plotting the demise of their relationship, the poor fools. They were more focused on the fact that Videl had won their bet on who would win the fight between Chi-Chi and Hercule.

"We're a family of champions," Videl said, pocketing the twenty dollar bill Gohan gave her. "Never count us out."

"Is that why you lost the first round?" Gohan asked.

"That was just a fluke," Videl said. "Next tournament, that short guy'd better watch out!"

"Hmmmph," Gohan said.

"Goooooooohan!" a voice called.

Gohan flinched and ducked down. "It's my mom! Look out!"

Videl rolled her eyes. "Gohan, you seriously need to grow up. Only little kids are afraid of their moms."

"She's scary when she's mad!" Gohan said, trying to hide behind Videl.

But amazingly enough, Chi-Chi wasn't mad at all. In fact, she looked...happy?

"Oh, Gohan! Isn't today absolutely _wonderful?_" Chi-Chi gushed. "It's the greatest day of my life!"

"It is?" Videl asked.

"It is?" Gohan asked at the same time. "But...you lost the semifinals!"

"I lost on purpose, silly-billy-bunny," Chi-Chi said, using a rather old nickname she made up when Gohan was little. "I wanted to help Hercule!"

"Huh?" Videl asked. "Why would you do that?"

"Because we're getting married!" Chi-Chi said.

Gohan fell over.

"WHAT?" Videl asked. "But you and my dad hate each other!"

"No, we _love_ each other," Chi-Chi said, hearts appearing in her eyes. "He's so rugged and handsome!"

"B-b-b-b-but what about Dad?" Gohan stammered.

"What _about_ Goku?" Chi-Chi asked. "He's dead, and he's going back to Other World tomorrow! I need a _live_ husband, thank you very much!"

"But...but..._marriage?_ Isn't that moving a little too quickly?"

"Absolutely not!" Chi-Chi said. "My first marriage took place right after a World Martial Arts Tournament. Why can't my second marriage be the same way? Ah, love is wonderful!"

Videl was giving Chi-Chi the Squint of Suspicion. "Something weird is going on here..." Videl muttered to herself.

"And now you can spend as much time as you want with your friend Videl, because she'll be your step-sister!" Chi-Chi said.

"Step-sister?" Gohan asked. "She can't be my step-sister! She's my girlfriend!"

"You can't date your step-sister, Gohan!" Chi-Chi said, with a large smile. "Guess you'll have to break up!"

"Okay, stop right there," Videl said, pointing her finger at Chi-Chi. "You're making things up, aren't you?"

"What?" Chi-Chi asked. "No, I'm not!"

"You _have_ to be lying," Videl said. "No offense, but there's no way my dad would ever marry you! You just tried to beat his head in!"

"But we've fallen in love!"

"I don't buy it," Videl said. "And you seem awfully happy about Gohan breaking up with me. I bet that's what you're after!"

"RRRRRRGH!" Chi-Chi said. "See, that's why you're the wrong girl for Gohan! You're too suspicious! And _rude!_"

"So I'm right!" Videl said.

"NEVER!" Chi-Chi said. "Gohan, you are banned from dating this evil girl ever again!"

Gohan scratched his head. "Okay, I'm totally confused now. What's going on?"

"You're grounded, that's what's going on!" Chi-Chi snapped. "And you, too, Videl! How dare you speak to your stepmother that way?"

"Just because there were _Cinderella_ monsters today does _not_ mean we need an evil stepmother!" Videl said. "And if you and my dad are so much in love, how come he's _not_ here to announce his engagement to you, huh?"

"He said he was busy making wedding plans!" Chi-Chi said. She slammed her hands together. How could her perfect plan go so wrong so quickly?

"You're lying," Videl said. "You _have_ to be...right?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Bulma and Trunks were almost finished with their quest to gather all the dragonballs. There was only one left find, and it was at...

"Korin's Tower?" Bulma asked, checking her GPS.

"What?" Trunks asked.

"I plugged the coordinates from the Dragon Radar into my GPS," Bulma said, proud to show off her latest brilliant idea. "And it says the last dragonball is at Korin's Tower."

"Where's that?" Trunks asked.

"You'll recognize it when we get there," Bulma said. "The problem is that it's several miles tall! The dragonball could be anywhere inside the tower! And the radar can't measure height!"

"Uh, sure, whatever, Mom," Trunks said, ignoring Bulma and getting back to playing his handheld videogame. "Man, as soon as I get my prize money, I'm buying a new game system. This one's a piece of junk!"

_Maybe Dende can help us out..._ Bulma thought.

* * *

Goku and Hercule were relaxing in Hercule's private quarters. Goku was eating all of the food in the portable fridge, which Hercule tried to sweet talk him.

"Goku, we're buddies, right?" Hercule asked.

"Uh huh," Goku said, his mouth full of sandwich.

"And buddies help each other out, right?"

Goku swallowed his sandwich. "Right!" he said.

"Great!" Hercule said. "That's why I was thinking...maybe you should throw the fight."

"Throw the fight?" Goku asked. "You mean, pretend to lose? Why would I do that?"

"Well, everyone expects _me_ to win," Hercule said. "After all, I'm the Champ. They'd be really disappointed if I lost."

"Gee, I dunno..." Goku said. "Wouldn't it be dishonest to lose on purpose?"

"Well, maybe," Hercule admitted. "But I'm just trying to help you out here, 'cause I'm your buddy and all! You know what would happen if you fought for _real_, right?"

"No, what?"

"Everyone would know that you're an alien!" Hercule said. "They'd probably take you into a lab to perform all sorts of crazy science experiments! They might even try to kill you! It'd be really horrible!"

"Gosh..." Goku said. "But none of that stuff has ever happened _before_ when I fought on TV. Why would it happen now?"

"Uh..." Hercule said. "It probably wouldn't."

"Oh," Goku said.

"But hey!" Hercule said. "It would still be loads better for you to throw the fight!"

"Why?" Goku asked.

"Uh...because I'll give you a lifetime pass to the Sunshine Happy Buffet downtown?"

"_Free buffet food whenever I want?"_ Goku asked. "DEAL!"

Goku shook Hercule's hand energetically.

"Great!" Hercule said. His career was safe! He patted Goku on the back. "You won't regret this, buddy!"

"Sure thing, pal!" Goku said.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAD!" a voice screamed. The two fighters looked at each other, confused, until Videl ran into the room.

"Videl?" Hercule called out.

Videl crashed into the room. "Dad, please tell me that you're not getting married to Gohan's mom! I've told you a hundred times that your crush on her is totally gross!"

"Uh..." Hercule said.

"You're marrying Chi-Chi? But she's _my_ wife!" Goku said.

"I can explain!" Hercule said. "This is all a big misunderstanding!"

Goku looked upset, which was rare for him. "Why would you marry my wife?" Goku asked. "I thought we were buddies!"

"We _are_ buddies!" Hercule said. "Please don't—"

"I'm sorry," Goku said, standing up. "I have to go talk to _my wife_ now, not some fake friend!"

"Goku, wait!" Hercule cried, scrambling after Goku. "Our deal is still on, right? Riiiiight?"

Hercule fell over a couch and landed headfirst on the ground.

"Ouch. You okay, dad?" Videl asked.

"No, I'm not okay!" Hercule said. "I...I..." Hercule sighed. "Now I'm going to lose the match with Goku. Thanks a lot!"

"No, thank _you_," Videl said. "How could you agree to marry Chi-Chi? Are you _nuts?_"

"No, I'm—" Hercule paused for a second and thought about what he should say. He was pretty sure that if he said the wrong thing, Chi-Chi would hit him. Either that, or Videl would hit him. How did he get into this situation again?

"Honey, you were right all along," Hercule said. "I really like Chi-Chi. She's, uh, one in a million."

"Ewwwwwww!" Videl said. "That is so _gross! _Please tell me you two haven't kissed yet!"

"Uh..."

"Never mind, I don't wanna know," Videl said. "What I want to know is _how could you do this to me?_"

"Augh!" Hercule said, stepping backwards from his screaming daughter and accidentally falling over the couch again.

_"You're totally ruining my relationship with Gohan! Can't I go out on __**one date**__ with him before everything gets all screwed up? Is that too much to ask? Really?"_ Videl shouted.

"Wow, when you're ranting, you sound just like Chi-Chi," Hercule said.

"UGH!" Videl shouted. "That's it, Dad! I'm never talking to you again!"

"What?"

"Not until you break up with Chi-Chi!" Videl said, swirling around so she wasn't looking at her dad. "If you don't call off this marriage right now, I'll never talk to you again. It's either me or her!"

"Ah, honey, that's not fair! You can't make me choose between the two of you!" Hercule said.

* * *

At the top of the lookout, Dende was waiting for Bulma with the two-star dragonball.

"Great, you finally made it!" Dende said.

"Is that the last dragonball?" Bulma asked.

"Sure is!" Dende said. "A few years back, we decided it would be safest for the planet if we kept one of the dragonballs up here. That way, nobody could collect them all without us knowing about it."

"Wow, that's surprisingly smart of you!" Bulma said.

"Hey, what's _that_ supposed to mean?" Dende asked. "I'll have you know that I'm a _great_ Guardian for the Earth! I might have missed out on the whole Bibbety, Bobbetey, Majin Buu thing, but I still do a darn good job!"

"If you say so," Bulma said. "Let's summon the dragon, already. I want my husband back!"

"Ooo, about that..." Dende said. "See, the dragonballs can't bring somebody back to life twice...and besides, you only get one wish."

_"Really?" _Bulma asked.

"No, not really!" Dende said, laughing. "Those rules only applied at the start of the series! Since then, I made the Super Namekian-Style Dragonballs, which can grant any three wishes you want!"

"All right!" Bulma cheered. "Get the gang here, and let's get started!"

* * *

_Hey, Z-Fighters? Can you hear me?_ Dende asked.

"Oh no!" Hercule moaned. "I'm hearing voices in my head! I've gone crazy! The pressure finally got to me!"

"No..." Videl said, looking around to see who spoke. "I think this is the psychic powers thingy."

"The what?"

"I'm not sure," Videl said. "Let's find Gohan, quick."

* * *

"You're marrying HERCULE?" Goku asked Chi-Chi. "But...but...you're _my_ wife!"

"Goku, I'm not _really..._" Chi-Chi began to say, then she stopped. Gohan was still in hearing distance.

She cleared her throat loudly. "I'm not married to you anymore! It's been seven years since you died, you know...and I've been _so_ lonely..."

Goku looked like a lost puppy. "I...I understand," he said, trying not to cry.

The look on Goku's face shattered Chi-Chi's resolve. "I'm lying, Goku. I'm not—"

_Hey, Z-Fighters? Can you hear me?_ Dende asked.

"Augh!" Chi-Chi shrieked. "What's that?"

"It's Dende," Goku said, glad for a distraction. _We're listening, Dende. What's up?_

_We've got the dragonballs here at the Lookout,_ Dende thought. _Can you bring everyone here so we can make our wishes?_

_Sure thing, Dende!_ Goku thought.

"Come on!" Goku said. "Bulma's got the dragonballs. Let's go summon Shenron!"

* * *

Soon, all the Z-Fighters were gathered on top of the Lookout, thanks to Instant Transmission. Even Hercule and Videl were there, although the two of them stood sort of off to the side, because they felt out of place with the others.

"What does the Z in Z Fighter stand for, again?" Hercule asked Videl.

"I have no idea," she whispered.

"Eternal Dragon! I summon you by your name!" Dende said, waving his hands over the dragonballs. "Because calling you by someone else's name would be kind of stupid! _Deus ex machina! Deus ex machina! _I—"

"Hurry up, already!" Chi-Chi snapped.

"And heeeeeeeeere's Shenron!" Dende said.

The dragonball seemed to glow yellow as the sky turned black. Lightning crackled as pure power radiated through the air. Out from the dragonballs came Shenron, the eternally grumpy dragon.

"AUAUAUAUAUAIAUOIAUA!" Hercule screamed.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-what is that thing?" Videl asked.

"Oh, wow, cool!" Trunks said.

"Hi, Mr. Shenron!" Goku said. "Remember me?"

"Name your first wiiiiiiiiiiish!" Shenron said.

Gohan stepped forward. "I wish for Goku Son to be brought back to life!" he said loudly.

"Itttttttt isssssss grrrrraaaanttteeeeedddd," Shenron said.

"WHAT?" everyone asked.

"It is granted!" Shenron said. "I was just stretching out the syllables because it's more dramatic that way. The other dragons say I'm a bit of a drama queen, but I'm only on this show once every seventy episodes, so I might as well make the most of it, right?"

"Er, right," Goku said, waving his arm above his head to confirm that he no longer had a halo. "Anyway, our next wish is for Goten to come back to life!"

"It...is..."

"Hold it!" Bulma cried.

"What? WHAT IS IT?" Shenron demanded. "How dare you interrupt my moment of glory?"

"Ignore Goku, Shenron!" Bulma said. "Our wish is to bring back Goten and Krillin and Piccolo and Vegeta and..."

"Everyone else who died today, except for the bad guys!" Yamcha said.

"Yeah, and make everyone besides us forget about what happened with Majin Buu!" Videl said. "That way, there won't be any weird questions about the Gold Fighter once the tournament is over."

"Oh, and I wish for fish!" Hercule said, joining in on the ridiculousness of the situation. "On a dish!"

"You guys!" Goku said. "That's like five wishes in one! Shenron can't do that!"

Shenron, however, _could _do all that. "Let me get this straight," Shenron said. "You wish to bring back everyone who died, and for me to wipe away the memories of millions of people, and for me to give you some fish on a dish, right? That's kind of a long wish, but okay! It...is...granted!"

"What?" Goku exclaimed. "But isn't that cheating with our wishes?"

"It was all one sentence, which makes it all one wish," Shenron said. "That's how I roll, G-Dizzles."

"Aw, man!" Goku said. "If only we knew about that earlier!"

* * *

_In the Other World..._

Vegeta stood proudly on top of the unconscious body of King Yemma, facing the crowd of fighters. Sure, the Kais and their goons had put up a good fight, but in the end, they had all fallen before Vegeta's awesome power.

"I'm in charge, now!" Vegeta said. "I declare myself King of the Other World!"

"All hail Vegeta!" the Other World Fighters cheered. "All hail Vegeta!"

Vegeta smiled. He was finally the grand ruler he was destined to be! Nothing could stop him now! He would live forever as the King of Other World, and absolutely nothing would—

* * *

With a small "pop!", Vegeta disappeared from Other World and came back to life on Earth.

"Ah, crap!" Vegeta said.

"VEGETA!" Bulma said, wrapping her arms around her husband. "I missed you!"

"Daddy!" Goten cried.

"Mmmm, this fish on the dish is delish!" Hercule said, sampling his tasty meal. "Good wish!"

"Hey, honey, did you miss me?" Krillin asked Eighteen.

"I knew you'd come back soon enough," Eighteen said, playing it cool.

"Um, hey," Shenron said. "Sorry to interrupt the happy reunion scenes, but you still have one wish left. Hurry up so I can go back home."

"Rude much?" Videl asked.

"Gosh, I can't think of anything," Goku said.

"Maybe we could wish for me to find a girlfriend!" Master Roshi suggested enthusiastically. "I've been waiting my whole life to get one!"

"We could wish for more food," Hercule suggested.

"A gravity room that never breaks would be nice," Vegeta said.

"A million dollars!" Yamcha said.

"An eyepatch to cover my third eye!" Tien said.

"Definitely a house of our own, away from the pervert," Eighteen said.

"Or we could wish that nobody will be a pervert ever again!" Videl said. "Sharpener would be cured!"

"I want a new game system!" Trunks said.

"Food would be yummy!" Goten said.

"Who do you think I am, Santa Claus?" Shenron asked. "I've got better things to do than to fulfill all of your stupid wishes. Just make _one_ wish and be finished already!"

The Z-Fighters thought for a moment.

"I've got it!" Hercule shouted. "I wish for my old wife, Denaira, to come back to life!"

"You _what?_" Chi-Chi screeched.

"I'm sorry, Chi-Chi, but I'm breaking off our engagement," Hercule said. "I like you, but we can't be together. I just couldn't do something like that to my good buddy Goku."

Goku's face broke into a wide grin. "Ah, thanks, Hercule! You really are the greatest!" he said.

"Uh, did I just miss something here?" Krillin asked.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Gohan said to the short man.

"It...is...graaaaaaaaaaaaanted!" Shenron said. "Now don't bug me again for at least a year, okay?"

Shenron disappeared and the dragon balls scattered.


	30. The New World Champion

Shenron the mighty magical dragon disappeared, and the dragon balls flew up into the air. For a brief moment, they formed the shape of a gigantic letter in the sky.

"Is that...the letter Z?" Krillin asked.

"Yeah," Goku said. "It's...a Dragon Ball Z!"

"Oh, wow!" Bulma said.

Then the dragonballs flew apart and landed in random places all over the world. Let's hope none of them landed inside a volcano.

But of course, Videl and Hercule weren't paying attention to the large letter in the sky. They were more concerned with the fact that Videl's mother, and Hercule's wife, Denaira, had just been wished back from the dead.

Denaira magically appeared on the lookout, and she was very confused indeed. She had large fluffy hair, brown/blue clothes, and a personality that fanfic authors can never figure out, because she never appears on the show.

"What the zeni?" Denaira asked. "Where the heck am I?"

"You're back!" Hercule cried, hugging his wife.

"Mom!" Videl cried, joining in on the hug.

Denaira tried to squirm out of the group hug so she could get a look around. "No, seriously! Where the heck am I? And who the heck are you?"

"Mom, it's me, Videl," Videl said. "You haven't seen me in a few years, so I look a little different, and—"

"You totally recognize _me_," Hercule said. "Everyone does! I'm the most famous person on the planet! I saved the world from Cell, won _five _Olympic gold medals, and my last album went gold last month!" Hercule cleared his throat, and began to start the chorus of his most well-known song: _The Funky Fro in February. _"Oooooooooo..."

"Please don't sing," Denaira said, grabbing her forehead and closing her eyes. "Something _weird _is going on here. Where am I?"

"I dunno," Hercule said.

"Yeah, I forget the name of this place," Videl said.

"Okay, great," Denaira said. "Then what am I doing here?"

"We brought you back to life with a magical dragon that makes all your wishes come true!" Hercule said.

"Have you been drinking?" Denaira demanded. "Obviously, this is some sort of strange dream. I'm going to wake up any second now and find myself back in Other World, because there's no way my husband and daughter are here, and I'm not dead and...hey, where's my halo?"

Denaira felt around about her head, but she couldn't find her halo.

"This isn't funny! Where'd my halo go?" she asked.

"You don't have a halo! You're not dead anymore!" Hercule said.

"Listen, Dream Hercule," Denaira said. "Shut up and stop being useless. I can't find my halo, and..."

Denaira gasped loudly, then started freaking out. "Oh no! Angels have halos, and if I don't have a halo anymore, it means I'm not an angel! Which means I'm no longer in heaven! I must be in..._The Other Place!_"

"Mom, you are _not_ in hell," Videl said.

"No, not _that _Other Place! I mean, Other Other World! Where everything is weird and creepy and they only play jazz music and—"

Dende stepped forward to help with the situation. "Please calm down, ma'am," Dende said. "As the official Guardian of Earth™, I can tell you _for sure_ that there is no such thing as Other Other World. You're probably thinking of Other World 2.0, which is where people in Other World go when—"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! _A green monster!_" Denaira cried, pointing at Dende. "I really _am_ in Other Other World!

"Hey, don't freak out my wife, Dentures!" Hercule said, putting his arm around Denaira.

"My name is _Dende_," Dende said.

"Right, Greende! You're upsetting her!" Hercule said, easily jumping into one of his pre-fight speeches. "Now either stop that and go away, or you're going to _feel the pain!_ I'm the World Champion of Martial Arts, and I'm famous for defeating evil green aliens!"

"Thanks, Hercy," Denaira said, kissing Hercule on the cheek briefly. "But I don't need you to protect me from Green Day. I can take care of this myself."

Denaira stepped forward and took a large breath. Then she struck an unusual fighting pose.

"Die, you weirdo space alien freak!" Denaira yelled, running at Dende and hitting him in the side of the head. "Leave our planet alone!"

"AAAAAAAA!" Dende cried, running for cover as Denaira chased him, yelling about aliens, justice, and top hats.

"Uh..." Videl said, her jaw dropping. She had forgotten (or at least, she had _tried_ to forget) that her mom was almost as big of a spaz as her dad was.

"I love her so much," Hercule said, his eyes tearing up. "Plus, she's a lot better-looking than Chi-Chi," he whispered.

"_I heard that!" _Chi-Chi snapped. "And I'll have you know that your entire crazy family is forever _banned_ from my house!"

"Oh yeah?" Hercule asked. "Well, I'll have _you_ know that _your_ entire crazy family is...totally welcome at our house whenever you want to come!"

Hercule gave the Sons a double thumbs-up. He didn't care how mean Chi-Chi was; from now on, he was going to be nothing but nice to the Son Family. Fighting with Chi-Chi was way more trouble than it was worth, and besides, Hercule always thought it was easier to be friends with someone than it is to be enemies with them.

"All right!" Goku said.

"Hooray!" Gohan said.

"Yay!" Goten said. "I missed playtime at Videl's house!"

"Good to have you back, little dude," Hercule said, giving Goten a high five. "I don't want to see anything bad happen to my successor!"

"Heeeeeeelp meeeeeeee!" Dende screeched.

"Die, greenie!" Denaira yelled. "I'm going to send you to _Other_ Other Other Word!"

"Not Other World 3.0!" Dende screamed. "Anywhere but that! All the food there is catered by Arby's!"

"HAHAHA!" Denaira screamed, attempting to do a complicated jump attack. She tripped on her shoelaces and fell flat on her face. "Ow! Curse you, alien!"

"Yep, that's Hercule's wife, all right," Bulma said. She turned and grinned at Chi-Chi. "Sorry, Cheech! Looks like you're out of luck!"

"That's not funny!" Chi-Chi snapped. "I just got dumped! _By Hercule!_ I can't believe it! This is the most embarrassing—"

"I can't believe you were going to _marry_ him," Bulma said. "Was that for real, or were you just making things up?"

"I wasn't really...I mean, I can't believe I was going to marry him either!" Chi-Chi said, quickly adjusting to the situation. She rubbed the top of her head as if she had a concussion. "I must have hurt my head in the fight and stared acting all screwy! Because there's no other explanation for why I'd leave my Goku."

Chi-Chi wrapped her arm around Goku's waist. "I'm so glad you're alive again," she said, sweetly.

"Me too!" Goku said, grinning like an idiot.

"Hmmm," Bulma said, suspiciously.

"What are they talking about?" Goten asked his big brother.

"You don't want to know," Gohan said.

* * *

Eventually, everything got sorted out. Denaira was convinced that she was alive again, and Dende didn't have any _major_ injuries from her attack, because he used his healing powers on himself. Everyone made it back to the World Martial Arts Tournament on time, even Vegeta, who had to be dragged out of Mr. Popo's time-travelling Saiyan-fighting room.

Finally, it was time for the final match of the World Martial Arts Tournament: the super-exciting fight between Goku and Hercule. It was a mind-bending show of athletic ability, finely-honed skills, and—

"Oh, come on!" Vegeta said. "Kakarott's not even _trying!_ Don't those fools see that?"

"They're not fighting experts like you are," Bulma reminded her husband. "It sure looks like they're fighting to _me_."

"That's because you're a stupid, worthless, annoying—"

"You missed me in Other World, didn't you?" Bulma asked.

Vegeta grunted. "Maybe," he said.

Dying at the hands of Majin Buu had changed Vegeta. He was now more...honest about his feelings, instead of constantly hiding behind his "I am the Prince of All Saiyans!" mask. True, Vegeta was still a long way from being Mr. Sensitive, but Bulma liked the improvement, however slight it was.

"There aren't any women in Other World, you know," Vegeta said. "Besides this annoying one that looks like a bug, and has a screechy voice."

"And...so?" Bulma asked.

"So...it got a little lonely there, that's all," Vegeta said. "Now be quiet. I want to see the fight."

* * *

"So it's been two years since I died," Denaira said. She and Videl were catching up with each other, inside Hercule's private room.

"Right," Videl said.

"And in those two years, you've become a superhero, made friends with aliens _and_ gone through puberty."

"Mom!" Videl protested. "I'm not _that_ young!"

"Well, thank God I came back before you got a boyfriend, or..." Denaira said, before stopping dead in her tracks. The look on Videl's face was a total giveaway.

"Heh heh..." Videl said, scratching the back of her neck.

"VIDELLLLL! No daughter of mine is allowed to have a boyfriend until she's at least 27!" Denaira said. "You _know_ guys don't mature until they're much older! Heck, your father still hasn't matured all that much, and he's forty-one!

"Forty-three," Videl said. "It's been two years since you died, remember?"

"Right, right," Denaira said. "The _point_ is, you're not allowed to have a boyfriend. At least, not until I meet him first. Who is he? Is it the Sharpener boy you like so much?"

"Ugh, ew, no!" Videl said. "Sharpener did a _complete_ turnaround since you died. Now he's a total wannabe-macho pervert!"

"Which is why you shouldn't date guys until their late 20's," Denaira said. "Is it Matt, then?"

"No, he's Gohan Son," Videl said. "You don't know him, except for..."

"Except for what?"

"Remember the Cell Games?" Videl said. "There was a blonde boy who came to deliver pizza?"

"Uh huh," Denaira said.

"Well, that blonde boy is the one who _really_ killed Cell, not Dad," Videl said. "And he's my boyfriend."

Denaira fainted from shock.

* * *

"This is officially the longest match in World Tournament History!" the announcer cried. "Breaking the record set by Tienshenhun, Tenshenhaaa, Tentshe...ah, the record set by some fighter twenty years ago."

Hercule was beginning to pant. Over thirty minutes of non-stop fighting at such a high level of intensity was beginning to wear him down.

"Wanna stop?" Goku whispered.

"Yeah," Hercule said. "Just gimme a sec to play it up."

Hercule took two jumps backwards, and bent over, flexing his muscles.

"You're the best opponent I've had in a while!" Hercule boldly proclaimed. "But it's time for you to suffer defeat at the hands of the World Champ! Aaaaaaaa!"

Hercule ran at Goku, shoulder-first. Goku dodged—which completely threw off Hercule's attack—and Hercule tripped over Goku and landed face-first on the ground.

"Oh, that doesn't look pretty!" the announcer said.

"Ha! Looks like _I'm_ going to win!" Goku said. He picked up Hercule and marched to the side of the ring, triumphantly holding Hercule above his head.

"Oh no, you don't!" Hercule said. He grabbed Goku's arm and threw it aside.

"OW!" Goku cried.

Throwing Goku's arm away was actually _not_ the best idea Hercule had, because Goku dropped Hercule, and Hercule landed face-first on the ground (again).

"And Hercule takes another face-dive!" the announcer cried. "We might have a new world champ here, folks!"

"Not if _I_ can help it!" Hercule said, getting back up to his feet. He was still a little woozy, but he was determined. "Take this!"

Hercule delivered a series of quick punches to Goku's face. Goku didn't even feel a thing.

"And Hercule is attacking Goku so quickly that Goku doesn't even have time to react!" the announcer said. "He's just standing there, taking punch after punch after—woah! Look out, Goku!"

Hercule suddenly stopped punch and did a side-kick right to Goku's stomach. Goku doubled over, and took a step backwards. He teetered for a second on the edge of the arena, and Hercule quickly dropped down to the ground. He swung his leg out, tripping Goku, who fell backwards.

"Sweep the leg, Johnny!" the announcer cried. "Goku has fallen out of the ring! Hercule wins!"

The crowd cheered.

"Ha ha ha! Yeah!" Hercule cheered. "I knew I could do it! Good fight, Goku, but I'm—"

"Hold on a second!" the announcer cried, pressing a finger to his earpiece. "The judges are saying that Hercule _didn't_ win! What? What do you mean...oh! Quiet, quiet everyone! This is important!"

The announcer cleared his throat as the stadium quieted down.

"As it stands, Hercule beat Goku in the final round," the announcer said. "But I'm sure you all remember that Goku beat Hercule in the first round. That means Hercule shouldn't have been in the final round, and therefore, it is with a heavy heart that I say Hercule is _not_ the World Champion."

"I'm...I'm not?" Hercule whimpered.

"And Goku?" the announcer said.

"Yeah?" Goku asked, excitedly.

"You're not the World Champion, either."

The crowd was silent as they tried to figure things out. If the champion wasn't Goku or Hercule, who was it?

"Yes, Goku is not the Champion, and Hercule is not the Champion...because they are the _Co-Champions of the World Martial Arts Tournament! Congratulations!_ You **both** win!"

The stadium erupted in applause.

"Yes!" Videl cheered. "Mom, wake up, you have to see this!"

"Umdhdhd," Denaira muttered. She wasn't going to get up in a while.

_"Whaaaaaaaat?"_ Chi-Chi screeched. "That is the biggest [bad word] I ever [bad word] [bad word]!"

"Wow, Goten, your mom is awesome," Trunks said. Meanwhile, Gohan tried his best to cover Goten's ears with his hands.

"Yay, Dad!" Gohan said.

"Goku won one round, and Hercule won one round, so it makes perfect sense to say you tied!" the announcer said. "And besides, you're _both_ former champions! Everyone knows you're the two greatest fighters on Earth!"

Thus began Goku and Hercule's long and distinguished careers as the most popular and most famous fighters to ever compete in the World Martial Arts Tournament. The two of them met in the finals for the next six World Martial Arts Tournaments, and when they retired, two large statues—one of Goku, one of Hercule—were built on opposite ends of the stadium.

* * *

_Thirty minutes later..._

Inside the Fighters' Area, Goten sighed. "Is it over yet?" he asked impatiently.

"I don't think they even _started_," Gohan said.

"Boo!" Goten said.

"How long does it take for them to give out a stupid trophy?" Chi-Chi snapped.

"It'll probably take another twenty minutes," Videl said, coming inside the room with her mother. "They have to engrave the champion's name on it, after all."

"Videl!" Gohan said, happy to see his girlfriend again. "Hi!"

"Hi, Gohan," Videl said. She gestured towards her mom. "I'm sure you already know it, but this is my mother, Denaira."

"Hello, ma'am," Gohan said, politely. "It's an honor to meet you. My name is Gohan Son."

"So _you're_ Gohan, huh?" Denaira asked. She leaned close to Gohan and squinted. "He looks kind of scrawny to me."

"Mom!"

"What makes you think you're good enough to date my daughter, hmmm?" Denaira asked. "She's very special! Not just _any_ guy can date her, you know."

"Oh, they are _not_ dating," Chi-Chi said. "Not if _I_ can help it!"

"Ex-_cuse_ me?" Denaira asked. "Who do you think you are, lady?"

"I'm Gohan's mother!" Chi-Chi said. "I decide everything that goes on in my son's life!" Chi-Chi poked Denaira in the nose. "And I've already decided that Videl is a bad influence!"

Denaira slapped Chi-Chi's hand away. "You're joking now, right? This is some sort of joke, because you cannot _seriously_ mean that."

"Mom, please don't get involved," Videl begged.

"Mom, please don't start a fight," Gohan begged.

"Your whole family is crazy, Frizzy," Chi-Chi said.

"Frizzy?" Denaira asked. Her hair might be more fluffy than straight, but it was _not_ frizzy. Denaira stood on her tip-toes to make herself seem taller. "I know you! You're that woman Hercy warned me about!"

"Warned? Who does he think he is, a sheriff?"

"You're a homewrecker, aren't you?" Denaira accused. "You tried to make a move on _my_ husband while I was gone! I know he's a super hunk, but that doesn't excuse your actions!"

"Super hunk? _Hercule?_" Chi-Chi stammered.

"I'm only going to say this once: hands off my man!" Denaira said. "If you try _anything_ with him, I'll teach you the true meaning of pain..._without_ using the dictionary!"

"Um...is that Mrs. Hercules?" Goten asked.

"Yeah, that's my mom," Videl sighed. _Why do both our moms have to be totally insane?_ She tried to hide her head in her hands, but she stopped when she felt Gohan's hand on her shoulder.

"You want to go?" Gohan asked.

"Go?" she asked. "Where?"

Gohan blushed. "Well, it's kind of been a crazy day, and I was thinking that we could maybe go somewhere together and—"

"Done!" Videl said. "Let's get out of here, quick. I've been dying to go out on a date with you."

"D-d-d-d-d-d-date?" Gohan stammered.

_Oh, great, I broke him,_ Videl thought, rolling her eyes. "Yes, Gohan. That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do, remember? Let's go."

Gohan gulped. "Okay..."

"What's a date?" Goten asked.

"You'll find out when you're older," Videl told him.

Gohan and Videl left hand in hand, completely escaping the notice of their shouting mothers.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I couldn't decide whether to end the story here, at the end of the tournament, or if I should keep going.

For those of you who are interested, here's the ending I had planned:

* * *

Things went well for all our heroes after that.

Goten became the most popular kid in his class when he brought Hercule _and_ Goku in for Show and Tell. For the next week's Show and Tell, he brought in Videl and the Gold Fighter. Needless to say, no one ever made fun of Goten's tail again.

Crime in Satan City took a steep nosedive as it became apparent that Videl and the Gold Fighter were an unstoppable crime-fighting duo, especially since the Gold Fighter had taught Videl how to fly and shoot energy balls.

Vegeta overcame his utter disdain for "weak Earthling technology" when Bulma taught him how to use the DVR to record his favorite soap opera. He then became _very_ interested in human technology, and believe it or not, he started to help Bulma with her science experiments. Of course, he pretended it was just so he could fix the gravity room on his own, but the truth was that he enjoyed spending time working with his wife.

The Supreme Kai and Kabito went back to the Sacred Kai Planet and read comic books together.

Everyone at Orange Star High School was back to normal, and they all agreed that Gohan and Videl were a great couple. The two of them were voted Prom King and Queen in a totally rigged election, and even though the prom photos were absolutely embarrassing, the two of them had a great time.

Piccolo went back to doing...whatever it is that he does.

Tien married his longtime girlfriend Launch. He then went back to college so he could get his degree and finally fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a doctor. He is now a well-respected eye surgeon.

Yamcha had the starring role in a blockbuster remake of the movie _Scarface_. He was last seen in Hollywood, dating two of the hottest starlets (and consequently getting dumped by both of them for having two girlfriends at once).

Trunks and Goten got into a lot of trouble when they covered the entire town with shredded cheese (it was Trunks' idea). Trunks was punished by being sent into the future for a week. He was disgusted to learn that his older self liked girls, even though they have cooties.

At first, Dende was worried that he would be fired from his job as Guardian of Earth, seeing as how he did absolutely nothing to guard the Earth when the Majin Buu Crew attacked. He then resolved to do a better job as Guardian in the future, so he spends two more minutes a day watching the Earth, making sure nothing bad is happening. It was totally not his fault that he didn't notice when the monster Hirudegarn attacked the Earth.

Yajirrobe and Korin the Talking Cat were not in this story.

Thanks to a loan from Goku, Krillin, Eighteen and Marin finally got enough money to move out of Master Roshi's house. Master Roshi was depressed, until he got his first ever girlfriend: Master Roshina. (Master Roshina is really just Master Roshi wearing a wig, but no one has figured it out yet).

Maijn Buu terrorized the Other World for a brief while, until he turned _himself_ into candy. Needless to say, this made him (and everyone else) very happy.

Hercule and Denaira had a really hard time explaining to the press how Denaira magically came back from the dead. The story they settled on was "miraculous recovery from a coma". Nobody believed it because her funeral had been a rather large affair, but nobody wanted to pick a fight with the World Champion of Martial Arts, either, so they kept their objections to themselves. To this day, Hercule cannot spell his wife's name correctly.

Chi-Chi was very happy to have Goku back in her life. And happily, it turned out that Chi-Chi wasn't completely finished with menopause, because ten months later, she gave birth to a little girl. They named her Chi-Chi Son, Junior. (Well, to be honest, _Chi-Chi_ came up with the name. Goku wanted to name her Cheeseburger, after his favorite food)

And unlike with Gohan and Goten, Goku was there for every moment of his daughter's life.


	31. The Night After the Tournament

The fight between Chi-Chi and Denaira had to be broken up by Goku and Hercule. Goten was there, but he was too busy playing with a piece of string to stop the fight.

"Woah, woah, calm down!" Hercule said, pushing Denaira back. "I know she says a lot of crazy things! Just ignore her!"

"My son is never going to get anywhere near your daughter again, or it's the last thing I—" Chi-Chi said.

"Husband-stealing granny!" Denaira said. "Why should Videl have to suffer with you?"

"Please don't fight," Goku begged Chi-Chi. "It's not nice."

"Yeah, the Martial Arts Tournament was _earlier_ today," Hercule said. "You guys will have to wait another three years."

"_You're not funny, Jerk-ule!_" Chi-Chi snapped.

Hercule rolled his eyes. **Jerk**-ule? Gee, how original. He hadn't heard _that_ nickname before.

"We're going home, Gohan!" Chi-Chi said. "Gohan? Honey? Hey, where did our kids go?"

"They were probably trying to get away from _you_," Denaira muttered.

"They're on a date," Goten said. "They told me."

"Date?" Chi-Chi screeched. "What do you mean, a date?"

"Yeah!" Goku said. "What's a date?"

"I dunno," Goten said.

"Do _you _know?" Goku asked Chi-Chi.

"Stop joking around," Chi-Chi said. "Goten, are you sure? Videl and Gohan said they were going on a date?"

"Uh huh," Goten said.

"This is horrible!" Hercule said. "I agreed to let her have a boyfriend, but I never said they could go out on _dates! _That's just _asking_ for trouble!"

"I'll say!" Chi-Chi said, beginning to pace around the room. "I can't believe my baby boy went on a date without telling me where it is! That's unbelievable! How am I supposed to sneak into the restaurant and spy on them if I don't even know what restaurant they're going to?"

"You're a stalker," Denaira accused Chi-Chi.

"But seriously, what's a date?" Goku asked.

"That's not funny anymore, dude," Hercule advised Goku.

"Goku, can't you do that energy sensing thing to find out where they are?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Be back in a sec," Goku said. Goku disappeared, and reappeared...

* * *

...right in front of Vegeta.

"GACK!" Vegeta cried. "Give me a heart attack, why don't you, Kakarott?"

"Hey, Veeg," Goku said. "Is Bulma around here? I need to talk to her."

"Two things," Vegeta said, holding up two fingers. "One, don't call me Veeg. Two, what on Vegeta could you _possibly_ have to talk to my wife about?"

"Dating," Goku said.

Vegeta began charging up a Final Flash attack, because clearly, Goku had to die now.

"Chi-Chi says that Gohan and Videl are going out on a date, but I have no idea what that is. I thought maybe Bulma would know."

Vegeta stopped charging his attack and grinned. "Lucky for you, I know a _ton_ about human culture from watching soap opera—I mean, human television. So I know _all_ about dating."

"Oh, cool! What is it?"

"Dating...is a form of torture," Vegeta said.

"Torture?" Goku gasped. "That's horrible!"

"No, wait!" Vegeta said. "I mean...dating is a form...of _murder!_"

"_Murder?_"

"Yes!" Vegeta said. "It's how human females get rid of unwanted suitors! First, they take the unsuspecting victim to a restaurant and spend hours talking about worthless topics, like hair or puppies or the TV show that was on last night."

"That doesn't sound so bad," Goku said.

"And they don't get to eat any of the food!" Vegeta said.

"AUGH!" Goku cried.

"And then human female will lunge forward and rip the male's throat out with her teeth!"

_"This is horrible!"_ Goku cried. "I can't let her kill Gohan! That's terrible! That's worse than Cell! That's—wait, if she likes Gohan, why would she want to kill him?"

"I don't know," Vegeta said, thinking quickly. "No, wait...wait...I've got it. Only human females know how to perform the dating ritual, right? So she must have learned it from another woman. Has she been around any new females lately?"

"Denaira..." Goku said, clenching his fists. _She_ was responsible for this?

"Ah..." Vegeta said. "The mother does not approve of her daughter's suitor. It happens all the time on my soap. Clearly, this Denaira woman is forcing her daughter to kill Gohan."

"So what do I do?" Goku asked.

"There's only one thing you can do," Vegeta said. "You must make her..._yours_."

"What?" Goku asked, scratching his head.

"You must claim this woman as your own, Kakarott!" Vegeta snapped. "Conquer her, make her your wife! Only then can your force her to call off the date!"

"I'm not sure I can do that," Goku said.

"Well, in that case, your son is going to die," Vegeta said. "Either way, I don't care. Toodles!"

Vegeta walked off, very satisfied because his evil work. With any luck, Kakarott would drive a permanent wedge between his family and Hercule's, thus ending any hope of a relationship between Gohan and Videl. _That _would teach those teenage brats not to mess with the Saiyan Prince.

Goku frowned. If he understood Vegeta correctly—which he didn't—he was going to have to marry Denaira. That way, he would become Videl's father, and he could ground her if she tried to kill Gohan. It sounded like a weird plan, even to Goku.

"I think I'd rather fight Buu again..." Goku said to himself, before using Instant Transmission to return to his wife.

* * *

Videl and Gohan were enjoying some quiet time alone in a restaurant together. The restaurant was pretty full because a lot of people had come there after the World Martial Arts Tournament, but since Videl and Gohan were both minor celebrities for fighting in the tournament, the head waiter bumped them up on the waiting list.

Videl sipped a glass of water. "I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up and find out today was all just a dream. Cinderella monsters, magical dragons, and Majin Buu...it's all so weird."

"It wasn't _all_ bad, though," Gohan said. "At least you and I are a couple now. That's good...right?"

"I know this is going to sound weird coming from me, but I'm kind of scared," Videl said. "I've never had a boyfriend before."

"Why is that weird?" Gohan asked.

"Because I'm the town's brave crime-fighting superhero," Videl said. "I'm not supposed to be scared of anything."

"I'm kind of scared of my mom," Gohan said, trying to make her feel better about being scared.

"Um, yeah, I figured that out already," Videl said sarcastically.

"Why are you always so mean whenever I talk about my mom?" Gohan asked.

"I'm not mean," Videl said defensively. "It's just...why do you let your mom boss you around so much? You're almost an adult."

"It's not _my_ fault that Mom is bossy," Gohan said. "Your dad bosses you around a lot, too, right?"

"Yeah, but it's worse with your mom," Videl said. "She _really _doesn't like me. I just know she's going to try to break us up."

Gohan smiled. "Look, I said it before: I don't care what my mom thinks. I like you, Videl. That's all that matters, right?"

"I guess so," Videl sighed. "I'm still scared our psycho parents will try to ruin our relationship somehow."

As if on cue, the four parents bumbled their way into the restaurant.

"There they are!" Chi-Chi hissed. "Quick, let's get close and listen to them!"

"How did you know they went here?" Hercule asked Goku.

"Oh, I heard they'd be in a restaurant," Goku said. "And they're probably talking about puppies and hairdos, _right, Denaira?_"

Goku tried to make a frightening face at Denaira, so she would be scared that he knew her plan. But unfortunately, Goku's face wasn't all that frightening. It looked more like he just lost a contact lens.

"Um...maybe," Denaira said.

"Oh, I'm sure there will be eating later, when _Videl rips something with her teeth. RIGHT, Denaira?"_

"You know, you're acting kind of weird, Gomu," Denaira said. "Are you feeling okay?"

"It's Goku!" Goku said. "And _sure_, I'm feeling fine! Who wouldn't be when their son is about to...to..."

Goku clenched his eyes shut. _Get a grip, Goku..._ he thought. _You have to do this. It's for Gohan._

"I just meant...you look beautiful today," Goku said.

"Excuse me?" Denaira asked.

"What are you saying?" Chi-Chi asked.

"I'm just saying I want to mar...ry..." Goku said, pausing. How did you get married again? He tried to remember his wedding to Chi-Chi, only that had been so long ago, and...

_Wait, I remember now!_ Goku thought. _I had to kiss Chi-Chi in order to marry her! I guess that means_ _I have to kiss Denaira, too. Yuck._

Gathering his courage, Goku closed his eyes and leaned forward, lips puckered.

Hercule shoved his wife out of the way so he could confront Goku, mano y mano. "Look, Goku, you're acting weird, and—AAAAAAA!"

Goku, not able to see anything because his eyes were closed, kissed the first thing his lips met—Hercule's nose.

"AAAAAAAA!" Denaira screamed.

"AAAAAAAA!" Goku screamed.

"WHY?" Chi-Chi screamed.

"NOT AGAIN!" Hercule hollered, referring to an _extremely_ awkward moment he went through during Videl's ninth birthday party.

"Hey, it's the World Champions!" someone yelled.

Everyone in the restaurant cheered, and Goku and Hercule were attacked by a crowd of autograph hounds.

"And that would be our parents, here to ruin things for us," Videl said. "Great."

"Maybe it's just a coincidence that they're here, too?"

Videl glared at Gohan.

"Yeah, okay, they probably followed us," Gohan said. "Come on, let's go."

Videl and Gohan got up and left the restaurant, slipping unnoticed past the crowd of fighting enthusiasts.

* * *

Before the tournament started, Hercule had thought up some great plans for his victory party. It was going to be the party of the century! There'd be a live band, and the party would last until four in the morning, and he and all his fighting buddies would act like five-year-olds, and there would be cake. Lots and lots of cake.

But since Hercule was now a married man once again, he figured it'd be better to put the party on hold, and instead spend the night with his wife. They had a lot of catching up to do, after all. Plus, they had to get all of her old things out of storage and redecorate her room at the mansion.

When Hercule and Denaira arrived at the mansion, their angry daughter was waiting for them.

"Oh, hey, honey," Hercule said. "Some day, huh?"

"What were you doing at the restaurant?" Videl demanded.

"Uh..."

"You were _spying_ on me and Gohan!" Videl accused. "I can't believe you would do something like that!"

"Now, honey, I can explain," Hercule said. "It was, um...an honest mistake, and..."

"I'm still not sure about this Gohan boy," Denaira said. "I don't really know him yet, and I'm not about to trust my daughter with some boy I don't know."

"I can take care of myself, _Mom_," Videl said. "And Dad, you know Gohan. What's _your_ excuse?"

Hercule threw his hands up in the air. "It was all Chi-Chi's idea, I swear! She forced us to go along with it! I said, 'No, I trust my daughter. She's the kindest, most forgiving girl on the planet, and—'"

"You're such a liar, Dad!" Videl said. "Just like how you lied to everyone about Cell! You built your whole career on lies, and now you're ruining my life! I hate you!"

Videl tried to storm out of the room, but Denaira blocked her way.

"Woah, hold on, Viddy," Denaira said. "You can't just run out on us like that. Now let's sit down and talk."

"No!" Videl said. She was mad, obviously. "I'm sick and tired of talking! You two make me sick! I just want to be alone!"

Denaira groaned. She_ just _got wished back to life, and already she had to deal with parenting issues. "You weren't like this when I died," she said. "What happened to my sweet little daughter? When did she turn into a rebellious teenager?"

Videl scowled. "I'm not a little kid anymore! I'm a grown woman now!"

"You're still in high school!" Hercule said.

"Look, Mom, I changed a lot, okay?" Videl said. "When you died, I had to grow up, fast. I had to learn to depend on myself, and no one else. So don't expect me to be all happy and huggy now that you're back, okay? I don't _need_ you anymore."

"Well, that's a hell of a thing to say to your mother!" Denaira said. "I just come back from the dead, and already you never want to see me again?"

Videl grit her teeth. "I'm not..._trying_ to be mean," she said, trying hard not to yell. "I just want to be left alone now, so leave. Me. ALONE!" Videl shoved her mom aside and marched up the stairs.

"That could have gone better," Hercule said.

"Hercy, what the _hell_ kind of parenting did you do while I was gone?" Denaira exclaimed. "Our daughter is acting like a complete brat!"

"I was a great dad!" Hercule said. "I mean, sure, she fights criminals on a regular basis, but other than, her life is very safe, and—"

"HERCULE!" Denaira shouted.

Up in her room, Videl heard the shout. _Dad's in trouble_, she thought. _Good._

_

* * *

_

A fight was also taking place at the Son house.

"I don't care _what_ you think about Videl!" Gohan said, boldly, sticking his finger in his mother's face. "She's my girlfriend, and I love her!"

"No!" Chi-Chi cried.

"And sometimes, I plan on going out on dates with her, instead of studying!" Gohan said. "Why should I study so much, when I've known all the material for years? Studying is _boring!_"

Chi-Chi gasped and fainted.

"Wow, that was cool!" Goten said.

Goku patted Gohan on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you, son," he said. "You're a real hero, now."

"Gohan! Gohan! Gohan!" Goku and Goten cheered.

"Gohan! _GOHAN!_" Chi-Chi hollered.

Gohan snapped out of his fantasy about standing up to his mother, and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mom, what did you say?" Gohan asked.

"Stop daydreaming about your girlfriend and pay attention to me!" Chi-Chi snapped. "Now, as I was saying, even though you saved the world, you're still grounded."

"What? _Seriously?_" Gohan asked. "I don't believe it!"

"Me neither!" Goku said, checking the pantry. "We're completely out of potato chips!"

"And being grounded means no phone calls, no being out later than eight, and especially no dates," Chi-Chi said, crossing her arms. "Especially not with a certain girl whose family member is the most annoying person in the world."

"Huh?" Gohan asked. "I don't want to date Sharpener's sister. I want to date Videl!"

_"I was talking about Videl!"_ Chi-Chi snapped.

"Oh," Gohan said. "Well, why can't I spend time with Videl? She's my girlfriend!"

"Yeah, I think they should be able to hang out together," Goku said, through a mouth full of food.

"Because I said so, that's why!" Chi-Chi said. "That girl is a bad influence on you, Gohan! And she comes from a family of liars and loony tunes! You should have a scholar for a girlfriend, not _her!_ And besides, you're too young for girlfriends, anyway! And I never said—"

_This is __so__ unfair_, Gohan thought as he tried to tune out his mother's nagging voice.

* * *

Unfortunately for our heroes, they had forgotten all about Fortuneteller Baba.

Later that night, Fortuneteller Baba showed up at the tournament grounds, ready to send Goku back to the Other World. After all, she had only promised to bring him back from the dead for one day.

"Jeez, Goku," the pink-haired woman said. "Trying to hide won't change anything! Your day here on Earth is done!"

She waved her hands around and said the magical incantation...

_Meeny Mini Moony Manger  
This chapter needs to have a cliffhanger!_

Immediately, Goku disappeared from Earth and reappeared in Other World. He was asleep at the time, so he didn't notice.

"This _always_ happens when I bring someone back from the dead," Baba muttered to herself.


	32. Problems in Other World

Goku wasn't the only person who got a surprise in the Other World that day. Some familiar DragonBall Z villains, all gathered together in a very crowded jail cell, received some surprising news.

"Okay, listen up, Hell Mates!" the ogre Goz said. "We've got another evil villain joining you in prison! His name is Majin Buu."

"Majin Boo?" King Cold asked. "What kind of ridiculous name is Majin Boo?"

"Now, I'm going to open the door to the cell to let him in," Mez said. "And I don't want any funny business, okay? Even though the door to your cell is going to be wide open, I don't want you to escape like last time. Promise?"

"We promise!" everyone said.

Mez opened the door, and all the villains escaped from the cell.

"Oh, crud!" Goz said. "Not again!"

"But...they promised!" Mez said.

"Ha ha ha ha!" Guildo said. "We lied! That's because we're the most dangerous, fearsome villains to ever exist in—"

Mez sat on top of Guildo, pinning him to the ground.

"Ow! Hey! Get off!" Guildo complained.

"Well, we got _one_ of them," Mez said. "Better tell King Yemma to send Pikkon to capture the rest of this lot."

* * *

The various Kais were gathered together in a top secret meeting. In attendance were the Supreme Kai, the Grand Kai, King Kai, West Kai, Filler Kai, Other Filler Kai, and Dragon Ball Z Kai.

"I called this meeting to tell you all the good news," the Supreme Kai said. "Majin Buu has finally been defeated."

"Majin Who?" the other Kais asked.

"Majin Buu!" the Supreme Kai said. "You know, the evil monster that could destroy every planet ever? He attacked thousands of years ago, and I've been in hiding all that time, trying to stop him from coming back to life?"

"Oh, yeah, _that_ evil monster," West Kai said.

"Do you have any idea what he's talking about?" King Kai whispered to South Kai.

"None whatsoever," South Kai said.

"I seem to remember hearin' somethin' about a monster," Grand Kai said, stroking his moustache. "So he's been destroyed?"

"Yes, he's dead," Supreme Kai said. "Which means he can't hurt anyone, because dead people are gone forever."

"Um...not true," King Kai said. "I'm dead, and I'm still here."

"What?" Supreme Kai asked.

"Yeah, man, this is the Other World," Grand Kai said. "This is where _all_ the dead people hang out!"

"What?"

"Killing a monster won't _destroy_ it," East Kai explained. "The monster will just reappear here, with a halo. Didn't you know that?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Supreme Kai screamed. So much for his well thought-out plan to defeat Majin Buu.

* * *

"Buuuuuuu!" Majin Buu shouted proudly. "Buu buu buu buu buu!"

"_That's_ the creature which beat us in the Most Fearsome Creature in the Universe Contest?" Cell asked. "It's stupid!"

"It's ugly!" Frieza said.

"It's _pink!_" King Cold said, proudly. "My favorite color! When I conquer the universe, I'll force everyone to wear pink! It will be glorious!"

King Cold flew up to Majin Buu. "Excuse me, Maxim Boo. I couldn't help but notice that you would make a very good addition to our team. Join us, and we shall rule the universe!"

"Buuuuu! Buu!" Buu said.

"Eh, what? You have a boo-boo?" King Cold asked.

"BUU WANT CANDY!" Buu shouted. Majin Buu turned King Cold into a gummy worm and promptly ate him.

"Augh!" Frieza cried. "Father! That pink blob killed my father!"

"I still don't see how he's more fearsome than me," Cell complained to himself.

* * *

The next morning, Videl did the right thing and apologized to her parents before school started.

"Hey, guys," Videl said. "Sorry for going ballistic on you last night. Yesterday was kind of...rough."

"I understand," Denaira said. "Being in a relationship for the first time isn't easy."

"Especially when your boyfriend's an alien," Videl muttered.

"Trust me, going out with your father is a lot like dating an alien," Denaira said.

"Hey! That's not funny!" Hercule said. "I think I deserve a little more respect than that, seeing as how I'm the World Champion of Martial Arts for the third time in a row!"

"_Co-_Champion," Videl said.

"At least, until _I_ enter the competition next time," Denaira said. "I can see the headlines now: Hercule Loses to Wife in the Finals! He runs home crying like a baby!"

"No way," Videl said. "More like: Videl defeats Hercule in the finals! She's declared the strongest girl ever! Hercule demoted to Junior Division!"

"I've got one," Hercule said. "Hercule grounds daughter for making fun of him!"

"Awww..." Videl said. "That's no fun."

"Yeah, cheer up, Hercy," Denaira said. "Today, we get to go _shopping!_ My wardrobe is three years out of date, so you'll have to buy me a new one with your prize money."

"Gack!" Hercule said, suddenly choking on his breakfast.

* * *

Gohan was rather depressed when he came to school. Chi-Chi had given him a _very_ long lecture that morning. He sat at his desk with his head down, trying to block it out of his thoughts.

"Hey, Gohan," a voice said next to him.

"Videl, hi!" Gohan said. He jumped up and held out his hands awkwardly, not sure what to do. "It's, um, it's great to see you again!"

"Good to see you, too," Videl said.

"So, um..." Gohan scratched the back of his neck. "Do we...have to kiss now or something? Because we're a couple? Because I'm totally fine with not kissing if we don't have to."

"Well, I don't think we _have _to," Videl said. "That wouldn't be breaking the rules...right?"

"There are _rules?_" Gohan's eyes bugged out.

"I don't know..." Videl said, biting her lip. She liked the feeling of being in control, no matter what the situation was, so it really bugged her when she realized she had no idea what to do in a relationship. If, in fact, she was in a relationship with Gohan at all. Sure, they had kissed a few times, but Erasa said that you could kiss a boy without him becoming your boyfriend, and...

"Erasa!" Videl called. "Can you come here for a sec?"

"Coming, Viddy!" Erasa called from the other side of the room. Erasa gathered her stuff and jogged over.

"Viddy?" Gohan asked. "That's kind of a cute—"

"It's a stupid nickname, and I hate it," Videl said.

"Uh, me too!" Gohan said.

"Hey, you two!" Erasa gushed. "I can't believe you're a couple now! The children of the two champions, falling in love together? It's like something out of a fairy tale!"

Videl smiled. "I can't believe it either, actually. Yesterday was really crazy!"

"How so?" Erasa asked.

"Well, all the Majin Buu stuff for one," Videl said. "Then there was the tourna—"

"Momjinbu?" Erasa asked.

"Never mind," Gohan said, quickly. Using his psychic powers, he sent a thought at Videl: _We wished that no one but us would remember Buu, remember?_

"Right," Videl said. "You have to teach me how to do that, by the way."

"Do what?" Erasa asked. "I'm so confused!"

"Don't worry about it," Videl said. "I want to ask you—"

"Hey, guys!" a voice said. "Whassap?"

"Sharpener," Videl said darkly. She would never forgive Sharpener for turning evil and trying to take over the world. Even if Sharpener himself didn't remember it.

Fortunately, however, it seemed that Sharpener had learned his lesson. He put his hand on Gohan's shoulder and said, "You know what, Gohan? You and I should switch seats. That way, you can be next to Videl."

"Really?" Gohan asked. "Why?"

"Well, she's your guhhhh...your girrrrrrl...your..." Sharpener gulped. He still couldn't bring himself to say the word "girlfriend". "I mean, I heard you two got together at the tournament yesterday, and..."

Sharpener's eyes welled up with tears as he dropped on his knees and grabbed Videl's hands. "Is it true? Did you really leave me for him?" asked Sharpener.

"I was never _with_ you," Videl said. "And yes, I'm with Gohan now."

Gohan nodded.

Sharpener bit his tongue to keep himself from crying out. According to the Guy Code, he could no longer flirt with Videl. She was with someone else.

"I understand," he said. "I wish you...good luck..."

The bell rang, and the students took their seats. Gohan liked his new seat, next to Videl. Sharpener sadly slumped in the aisle seat, next to Erasa.

"Wow, Sharpener, that was really nice of you," Erasa said.

Sharpener sighed. "Videl and I are never going to be a couple now, are we?"

Erasa patted Sharpener's arm. "It's okay. You did the right thing."

"Yeah, but it's still lame," Sharpener complained. Then he looked up at Erasa. "Hey, you're kind of cute. Did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Uh..."

"Yeah, forget Videl!" Sharpener said. "From now on, you're the only girl for me!"

"AAAAAAAA!" Erasa screamed.

* * *

There was one unexpected consequence of the new relationship between Gohan and Videl, and it came when Videl was called by the police to help them catch some criminals. Videl left the classroom like she normally did, and fifteen seconds later, Gohan threw his hand into the air.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Gohan said.

At this, Mr. Brown stood up from his desk and pointed dramatically. "Not so fast, Mr. Son! What kind of an idiot do you think I am?"

"The kind that doesn't teach—I mean, I don't see what you mean, sir," Gohan said.

Mr. Brown adjusted his glasses. "Miss Videl is your girlfriend, is she not?"

Gohan blushed. He _really_ didn't want to discuss this in front of the entire class. "Um...kind of..."

"I can't let a boyfriend and a girlfriend leave class at the same time," Mr. Brown said. "It's school policy. The last time I let that happen, the two of them ran off together and got married in Vegas."

"Really?" Gohan asked.

"No, not really," Mr. Brown said. "But still, stay in your seat, Mr. Son. I'm afraid you'll just have to hold it until Videl comes back."

_Oh no!_ Gohan thought. He really _did_ have to go to the bathroom! _Hurry up, Videl!_

* * *

Meanwhile, Goku was bothering a blue man half his size.

"But King Kaaaaaaaaai," Goku whined. "I have to get back to Earth! I'm going to miss breakfast!"

"Too bad, Goku," King Kai said. "Other World is on a completely different plane of existence than Earth. You can't travel back and forth between the two whenever you want. It's impossible!"

"Really?" Goku asked. "But I was able to travel here from Earth when Cell blew up your planet. Doesn't that mean Other World is really close to Earth?"

"No, it doesn't!" King Kai said. "And I'm still mad you blew up my planet! It was the best planet ever, and you destroyed it!"

"But there was hardly anything on the planet!" Goku said. "It didn't even have a food store! You should be glad that you're now living somewhere better!"

King Kai growled. "That's it, Goku! You're _never_ going back to Earth, even _if_ you're still alive! I forbid it, and nothing is going to change my mind!"

"Aw, but King Kai!"

* * *

"I'm back!" Videl said, stepping into the classroom with a smile. "Sorry I was gone so long, but there was—"

_"Outta my way!"_ Gohan screamed. Moving almost too fast for the eye to see, Gohan jumped out of his seat, ran down the stairs, and pushed Videl aside in his haste to leave the room.

"Uh...what was that?" Videl asked.

"Gohan had a bathroom emergency," Mr. Brown said, not looking up from the latest book he was reading, Buzz Lightyear Starts a Rock Band.

"Right..." Videl said, making her way back to her seat. To herself, she wondered if Mr. Brown ever taught anything, or if he just read books all day long.

* * *

Meanwhile, the villains in Other World were running wild, creating havoc and destroying everyone they came across, and—nah, I'm just exaggerating. Some of them were glad to be out of the jail cell for once, and they were taking it easy. In particular, two nasty Saiyans were having a bit of a heart-to-heart chat.

"I'm not trying to insult you," Nappa told Raditz. "I'm just sayin'—"

"I'm Saiyan too, you idiot," Raditz said.

"That's not what I mean!" Nappa said. "Look, a Saiyan's hair never grows during his entire life, right?"

"Right," Raditz said.

"So that means, your hair has always been that long," Nappa said. "Even when you were a baby."

"Uh huh," Raditz said.

"So when you were a baby, your hair was larger than _you _were?" Nappa asked.

"Of course!" Raditz said. Growing up with hair that long was _very_ difficult for Child Raditz. He would always trip over his hair and get stuck. All of the other Saiyans used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Er, I mean, the other Saiyans were mean to Raditz. That's why he turned evil.

Suddenly, a green warrior landed in front of the two Saiyans. "Ah, look, Baldy is making friends with the Hair Monster," Pikkon said. "How sweet."

"Hey! You're bald, too!" Nappa cried.

"And I'm also here to beat you two straight back to jail," Pikkon said. "With my awesome thunder thingy attack!"

Pikkon began doing his long, complicated Thunder Thingy Attack. Meanwhile, Nappa and Raditz got up and walked away. Needless to say, Pikkon's attack failed.

"Rats!" he said. "They got away!"

Instead of chasing after the two Saiyans, Pikkon went looking for more enemies to fight. He quickly found Majin Buu and Cell, who were having a debate.

"But _how_ did you win the Most Fearsome Villain Contest?" Cell asked. "You're not fearsome at all! You're more like a rejected Sesame Street character than a master villain!"

"Buu like candy!" Buu said. Majin Buu only knew about twenty words, so that was the best answer he could come up with.

"And you're not even a good fighter!" Cell said. "The only reason you're so hard to defeat is that you regenerate after every attack! I mean, I do the same thing, but at least I know actual fighting techniques!"

"Mean green guy!" Buu said. "Buu make green guy dead!"

"Bring it, Lollipop Lover!" Cell cried.

_Ah..._ Pikkon thought. _I'll just let these two villains beat each other up, and when they're done, I'll throw them in jail._

Majin Buu shot a laser beam out of his head, which flew straight towards the "mean green guy" and turned him into a lollipop. Only the attack hit Pikkon, not Cell.

"Wrong green guy!" Buu said. "Lollipop still yummy!"

* * *

"But King Kaiiiiiiiiiii!" Goku whined, as they walked through the Grand Kai's palace.

"_Leave me alone!"_ King Kai said. "I have a very important, top secret _Kais Only_ meeting to go to right now! Find something else to do!"

The top secret Kai Meeting mostly involved the Kais getting together to watch TV and play videogames, so it wasn't all _that_ important for King Kai to attend. He just wanted to get away from Goku.

Suddenly, a random dead guy appeared, in order to make the plot go forward. "King Kai, sir!" he reported. "Pikkon has been defeated by Majin Buu!"

"Who?" King Kai asked.

"If someone doesn't stop Majin Buu, he'll destroy all of Other World!" the dead guy said. "And we also need someone who can defeat Cell and Frieza. They escaped from jail with everyone else."

"A massive jailbreak! This is _terrible!_" King Kai said.

"I can help fight them," Goku offered.

"Tell you what, Goku," King Kai said. "If you can defeat Majin Buu and all the villains, I'll send you back to your planet, okay?"

_And if Majin Buu defeats him, he'll stop bugging me,_ King Kai said. _It's the perfect plan!_


	33. Where's Goku, Anyway?

"All right," Goku said, preparing himself for the battle of a lifetime. He was going to have to fight all the DragonBall Z villains at once, or at least, all the villains who hadn't already been turned into candy by Majin Buu.

Goku suddenly felt a power level approaching. Before he could react, he found himself face to face with...Turles.

"You!" Turles said. "What are _you_ doing here? You killed me!"

"Hey, I remember you!" Goku said. "You're the Saiyan who planted the Tree of Might and almost killed me!"

"This time, there won't _be_ an almost!" Turles said, as he launched into a ferocious attack. He punched, he smashed, and he kicked, but Goku was able to dodge every one of the attacks without trying.

"Oh, wow, you're _really_ easy to fight now," Goku said. "I don't even have to go Super Saiyan to beat you."

"Super What?" Turles asked.

Goku laughed. Fighting the bad guys here would be easier than he first thought!

* * *

Hercule sighed, as ten more emails appeared in his inbox. Being World Champion was great and all, but he was now being flooded with high-priority emails about corporate sponsorships, meetings with investors, and even a Hollywood producer who wanted him and Goku to co-star in an action movie.

After two straight hours of doing nothing but reading emails, he still wasn't done. He spent a few happy seconds, imagining that he could throw his computer out the window and take the rest of the day off, when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Hercule shouted, even though no one was there to hear him. "Because I'm the man! The man who answers doorbells! And not email! Because email is totally boring and I...really need to stop talking to myself."

Hercule made his way to the front door, and he threw it open. "Hey honey, I didn't think you'd be back so early!" he said, figuring that it was his wife outside.

"Honey?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Ack!" Hercule gasped. "You're not my wife!"

"Thank heaven for _that_," Chi-Chi said, letting herself inside. "Have you seen Goku recently?"

"Not since the tournament ended, no," Hercule said. "Why?"

"Nobody else has seen him either!" Chi-Chi said. "I woke up this morning, and he was gone! Just vanished from his bedroom! No note, nothing!"

"That's weird," Hercule said, rubbing his chin in thought. "Maybe he had plans that he forgot to tell you about?"

"He was just wished back to life yesterday!" Chi-Chi said. "Of course he didn't have any plans! He was going to spend the day with me and learn about our new life in the city and _Goku, where are you?_"

"Aw, now, don't cry!" Hercule said.

"I'm not crying!" Chi-Chi snapped. "Unlike you, I don't overreact to every little thing that happens!"

"Overreact?" Hercule asked, shocked. "I don't overreact to anything! I'm the most level-headed person I know! I am always calm, cool and collected! Why, I think I'm going to win an award for being the calmest person in the world! As well as the World's Best Fighter! Ahaha! Ahahah! Ahahahahahahahah!"

Hercule laughed like a maniac while Chi-Chi tried her best to ignore him.

"I'm also here to buy your house," Chi-Chi said.

"What? Buy my..._house?_" Hercule asked. "But...where will _I_ live?"

"Not this house, you idiot!" Chi-Chi said. "The one my family is living in!"

"Oh, right," Hercule said. The only reason the Son Family was able to move to Hercule City was because he loaned them one of his guest houses.

"We won enough money from the World Martial Arts Tournament to afford a house of our own," Chi-Chi said. "I know we've only been there for two months, but the boys are really attached to the house. I don't think they'd want to move."

"Sure, I can sell it to you," Hercule said. "I dunno how much the place is worth, though. I'd have to check first."

"Thank you," Chi-Chi said.

It was the first conversation the two of them had in a long time which didn't end in a fight.

* * *

"Buu!" Majin Buu shouted. "Buu! Buu buu buu buu buu!"

"Kakarott!" Broly screamed. "Kakarott!"

"Janemba!" Janema said. "Janemba! Janemba!"

"Don't the idiots here know how to say more than two words?" Cell complained.

"I seriously doubt it," Frieza said.

Meanwhile, on the ground, the evil wizard Babidi was talking with his father Bibidi.

"What were you _thinking_ when you created Majin Buu?" Babidi asked. "I thought you wanted to take over the universe, not amuse small children!"

"I had a little bit too much to drink the night I made Majin Buu," Bibidi admitted. "But who cares, son? Soon, we will conquer the universe! All three of us: Bibidi, Babidi, Buu!"

"About our names," Babidi said. "Have you ever heard of _Cinderella_?"

"Of course I have!" Bibidi said. "It's my favorite movie of all time! I love Disney movies! Have you seen _Sleeping Beauty_ yet?"

"Um, no," Babidi said. He was beginning to suspect his father might not be as evil as the Supreme Kai made him out to be.

_Wow, those villains are tough!_ Goku thought. Goku was watching the scene from behind a rock, not too far off. (Goku is one of the few people on Earth who are terrified of Disney movies, and he once had a mental breakdown when watching _The Little Mermaid_). _It'd be safer if I fought them one at a time, rather than five at once._

Goku flew off, in search of villains who were in a relatively isolated location. That way, no other villains could interrupt the fight. Luckily for Goku, he found the villains he was looking for.

"Well, if it isn't my little brother," Raditz sneered.

"Kakarot!" Nappa said. "Great! I've been hoping for a good fight!"

"All right, you two," Goku said, landing on the ground. "You'd better give up now, before I destroy you for good. Just go back to jail, and we don't have to fight."

"Fat chance!" Nappa said. "I've been dreaming of beating your skull in for years!"

"Yes!" Raditz said. "I'll show everyone who the strongest Saiyan is!"

"Okay, but I'm warning you," Goku said. "While you two have been in jail for the past fourteen years, I've been training nonstop. If you thought I was strong _before_, I'm way too strong for you now!"

"Too strong for us now, eh?" Nappa grinned at Raditz.

"Yeah!" Goku said. "I mean, you two still use scouters!"

"I guess no one's told him," Raditz said.

"Told me what?" Goku asked.

"We have ascended to the next level!" Nappa bragged. "Both Raditz and I have become...Super Saiyans!"

Nappa and Raditz screamed while powering up. Goku gasped as a yellow glow surrounded Nappa.

"Hey, wait a sec," Goku said. "You're not a real Super Saiyan. Your hair didn't turn yellow."

Nappa fell over. "My hair didn't turn yellow because I'm bald, you idiot!" he shouted.

"You must be one of those fake Super Saiyans," Goku said, smiling. He then looked at Raditz, and gasped. Raditz's huge mane of black hair was now blonde.

"Long blonde hair, reaching to the ground?" Goku gasped. "He's a Super Saiyan Three!"

"A Super Saiyan Three?" Raditz asked.

"Yeah!" Goku said. "Nappa makes one Super Saiyan, Raditz makes two Super Saiyans, and I"— here, Goku powered up—"make Super Saiyan Three!"

_Counting is awesome_, Goku thought to himself, as he launched his attack. It was a clever attack, and he was able to hit both opponents at the same time, three times in a row. And that was just his opening attack!

* * *

Videl's watch beeped in the middle of math class.

"Your watch sounds...different," Gohan said.

"It's the video communicator," Videl said. Normally, the police only called her on the radio function, so she figured something must be majorly wrong if they tried to call her on video. She put the watch on the desk in front of her, and angled it so she could see the screen.

"Hey, Videl!" Hercule said, his face appearing onscreen.

"Ah!" Videl said. She propped up her textbook in front of her desk, then hid beneath it, while lowering the volume of her device. "Dad, you're not supposed to call me when I'm at school! This is just for police emergencies!"

"It _is_ an emergency!" Hercule said. "Kind of. Have you seen Goku today?"

"Gohan's dad?" Videl asked, giving a quick glance at Gohan. "No, why?"

"My dad wasn't at home this morning," Gohan said, ducking behind Videl's book so the teacher couldn't see. "We don't know where he is."

"Maybe you could file a missing persons report," Hercule suggested.

"I don't think anyone would be able to kidnap Goku," Videl said. "He's too strong."

"But I can't sense Dad's energy anywhere," Gohan said. "Either he's not on the planet, or someone is masking his power levels somehow. Either way, it's a bad sign."

Gohan was trying to whisper, but he was too loud to escape the notice of the math teacher. She looked up, and she saw Gohan and Videl, with their heads behind the same math book. The teacher immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"GOHAN AND VIDEL!" she screeched. "No kissing in my classroom!"

Gohan fell to the ground, headfirst. A very red Videl stood up.

"But Miss Stevenson, we weren't—!"

"Detention for both of you!" the teacher shouted.

"Detention?" Hercule asked. "You got detention for misbehaving in class? That's it, you're grounded!"

"Dad!"

"Dad?" Miss Stevenson asked. "Your father has nothing to do with this!"

"Right!" Videl said, quickly turning off her video communicator. If the teacher knew she used it in class, she'd be in double trouble.

* * *

Goku smiled as he looked at the unconscious bodies of Nappa and Raditz. Their bodies stayed that way for a few seconds, before they disappeared and reappeared back in jail.

"King Yemma might want to think about not giving bodies to supervillains," Goku reflected. "That would save us a lot of trouble."

"Interesting..." a voice said. "Because a lot of trouble is what _you're_ in, Goku!"

Goku turned around. It was Frieza! With Cell! And the Ginyu Force! And Evil Master Roshi! And Majin Buu! And, well, everyone else.

"Did you _really_ think we wouldn't notice a fight between three Saiyans?" Frieza asked.

"Um..." Goku laughed nervously. "I did, but I guess I was wrong, huh?"

"_Dead_ wrong," Cell said. "It'll be such a pleasure to kill you again."

"Buu!" Majin Buu said. "Buu buu buu!"

"Please, pinkie, leave the witty banter to the people who have _brains_," Cell said.

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Buu shouted. Steam flew out from his head, and he started zapping random people with his candy ray. "Buu mad!"

Many of the villains screamed and tried to fly away. Buu turned some of them into food, but oddly, this made him _more _upset, not less upset.

"Aw..." Buu said. "Small food!"

"Small food?" Goku asked.

Buu held out some of the candy for Goku to see—four gumdrops that used to be Saibamen. "Bad men make small candy. Buu want BIG candy!"

"Well, they were kind of small people," Goku said. "If you want big candy, you should try attacking someone big. Someone very, very big!"

_What on Earth is Goku up to?_ Cell wondered.

"Hmmm..." Buu thought. The man with the orange clothes was right! Buu would have to attack someone big. And who was the biggest person around? Fat old Buu, that's who!

"Turn into chocolate!" Buu shouted, as he hit himself with his candy ray. Buu turned into chocolate, and then fell to the ground and broke in half.

"Oh," Goku said. "I was hoping he'd attack Broly, but that works, too!"

Goku blew up the pieces of Chocolate Buu with an energy blast, then flew after the remaining villains. The weaker enemies like Cui and the entire cast of _Dragonball_ were knocked unconscious with only one punch. Their unconscious bodies then disappeared and reappeared back in jail.

"Die, you stupid monkey!" Frieza cried, shooting some death beams at Goku. Goku was easily able to dodge the attacks, and hit Frieza right in the face. Frieza went crashing into the ground.

Goku was slightly confused as to why none of the villains seemed to be hard to defeat anymore. He had forgotten that he was, at the very least, on par with Cell. And Cell was a thousand times stronger than Frieza. Not many DBZ villains were powerful enough to make Frieza look weak.

* * *

Scientists debate which creature on Earth has the best hearing. Some say it's the elephant, because elephants have ears the size of quilts. Others believe that it's the eagle. And still others think that Saiyans have the best hearing out of all the creatures on Earth, especially if they are named Gohan and happen to be listening for the lunch bell.

_Come on, eating time...eating time..._ Gohan thought, staring at the bell more intently than he started at his math book.

::Bring!::

"YES!" Gohan cheered.

The students got up and started packing their bags, ready to go to lunch. The exception to this was Videl, who slumped down in her chair instead of getting up.

"My first detention ever," Videl moaned. "Dad is going to kill me."

"It's not so bad," Gohan said. "I've had detention plenty of times!"

"Yeah, me too!" Erasa said.

"Yeah, but _your_ dads aren't overprotective maniacs," Videl said.

Gohan quickly grabbed Videl's hands, holding them in his own. She was a little surprised at this action, and looked up, into his shining black eyes.

"Videl," Gohan said softly. "Don't worry. I know we can get through this...because we'll be _together_."

"Awww..." Erasa cooed. That was so cute!

Videl wasn't sure how to react—Gohan was acting oddly, and looking into his eyes for so long was making her feel strange. She tried to cover up her confusion by laughing. "When did _you_ become Mr. Sensitive?" she asked.

"I didn't," Gohan admitted, scratching his neck. "But that's how the boyfriends act in the movies that Mom watches."

"Gohan!" Erasa said, scandalized. "You can't copy a movie!"

"But I don't know how boyfriends are supposed to act," Gohan said.

"You don't have to act any differently around me," Videl said. "Right?"

"Right!" Gohan said.

"WRONG!" Erasa shouted. "You two are in a relationship now! That completely changes things between the two of you! You have to be careful, or else one of you could make a mistake and you'll be _heartbroken!_"

"Augh!" Gohan said. "I don't want to break Videl's heart!"

"I don't want to mess things up either," Videl said. "But I'm pretty sure if we start act differently towards each other, that would mess things up."

"You can't _not_ act differently when you're in a relationship," Erasa said. "It's a scientific fact!" Erasa looked personally offended, as if the two of them had insulted her little sister. "I can't believe you two didn't discuss this when you agreed to become a couple! These are important issues, and—"

The two teens became nervous.

"Um..." Videl said.

"Hee hee..." Gohan chuckled.

"Oh my God," Erasa said, her jaw dropping. "You two _did_ agree to become a couple, right?"

"Maybe?"

"We didn't really—"

"I mean, Gohan and I, we just—"

"—I never said that—"

"We sort of kissed, and now everyone thinks we're dating," Videl said, blushing.

"Oh, wow," Erasa said. "No offense Videl, but I never thought _you_ would rush into a relationship!"

"I didn't rush anything!" Videl said defensively.

"It's okay," Erasa said, putting her hand on Videl's shoulder. "I can help you two out. I know it's kind of awkward being in your first relationship, and—"

Sensing that the world's most awkward conversation was about to take place, Videl quickly pressed the alarm button on her watch.

::_Bzzst!_::

"Oh, darn!" Videl said, trying to sound convincing. "That's my watch radio! The police probably need me to do something important, so I _can't_ stay here and talk about relationships with you! Aw, gee, what a shame!"

"Wait, didn't you turn your radio—?" Gohan began.

_You shut the hell up right now, Gohan!_ Videl thought at him.

_Ack! Yes, ma'am!_ Gohan responded silently.

_Oh, cool, I did the psychic thought thing!_ Videl thought. _I figured it out by myself, too! Impressive, huh, Gohan? Gohan? Go...okay, he can't hear me anymore. Dang._

Erasa looked suspicious. "I'm sure the police can solve _one_ crime without your help," she said. "This is important!"

"Look, I'm sorry, but I have to go," Videl said. She began to pack her books into her bag as quickly as possible, and that's when her wrisstwatch rang for real.

"Videl? Videl! Are you there?" Officer Hernandez asked.

"Busted," Erasa said.

Videl sighed. "What is it?" she asked, pressing the speaker button on her watch.

"The mayor was attacked in the middle of a press conference," Officer Hernandez said. "We need you to stop the gang that's holding him hostage.

"Not _again_," Videl said.

She looked sideways at Gohan and winked. "I'll be there soon," she said. "And a _special_ friend is going to be there to help me!"

"Great, I'll meet you on 350 Main Street," Officer Hernandez said.

"Wait, you can't leave!" Erasa said. "You have to learn about relationships."

"I do?" Officer Hernandez said.

"Not _you_," Erasa said. "Videl and Gohan! Can you believe they haven't discussed their relationship yet? How do you get a boyfriend before figuring out if you're _ready_ for a boyfriend? It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of! It's almost as bad as Videl's dad marrying a woman who acts just like he does! When will they—?"

Gohan and Videl silently left the classroom while Erasa ranted about all the horrible decisions her best friend just made.

* * *

Three warriors were left standing in Other World: Goku, Cell, and Broly. Goku had defeated all the others, and Cell was planning on spitting out five Cell Juniors to attack Goku, in case Broly failed.

"KAKAROTT!" Broly screamed, smashing Goku with alternating fists. For such a large man with little intelligence, Broly was surprisingly quick. "KAAAK! AAAAAA! ROTTTTT!"

Frustrated at being unable to counterattack, Goku shouted, "My name is Goku, not Kakarott! Jeez!"

Broly stopped in mid-attack.

"Oh, my," Broly said, with a slight British accent. "A thousand apologies, sir. I thought you were somebody else. A nasty fellow named Kakarott."

Cell fell over.

"Ah, gee," Goku said, chuckling nervously. "I get mistaken for him all the time. Don't worry about it."

"Is there anything I can do to make up for it?" Broly asked. "I almost killed you, after all."

"Well, I guess you _could_ help me fight Cell," Goku suggested. "You might get a couple of years off of your jail sentence."

"Jolly good," Broly said. He shook hands with Goku to seal the deal, then the two legendary Super Saiyans turned towards Cell and began the fight.

"Noooooooo!" Cell screamed.

* * *

Sorry to cut out all the action-packed fighting scenes in this chapter, but I'm afraid the fight in Other World isn't the only one that gets glossed over here. The fight on Earth—between Videl and Gohan, versus the gang that kidnapped the mayor—also is being skipped. Although, to be honest, that fight wasn't exciting at all. It was _very_ one-sided.

"Thank you, Videl!" the mayor said. "And you too, young man!"

"Just doing my job," Videl said.

"You're welcome, mayor!" Gohan said.

The crowd of reporters at the scene—they were there for the mayor's press conference—all came forward with questions.

"Videl! Can you give us a statement?"

"How do you feel about losing in the first round of the tournament?"

"How does your father feel about your new boyfriend?

"Who's the blonde kid?"

"Why does the mayor get attacked so often, anyway?"

Videl normally hated reporters, but she grabbed a microphone and motioned for silence, like she had seen her father do so many times.

"This man here is my new crime-fighting partner," Videl said. "Some of you may have heard of him. He's the Gold Fighter!"

"Hello, everyone!" Gohan said.

_I love this new costume!_ Gohan thought. _Bulma did a great job with it! With this on, no one will ever recognize me!_

"Hey, aren't you the delivery boy from the Cell Games?" a reporter asked.

_Or not._


	34. Cell, GAG, and Gohan's New Job

Gohan thought the people in Hercule City would clap and cheer when he revealed that the Gold Fighter was the newest superhero in town. But instead, the group of reporters started asking questions mercilessly.

"Hey, aren't you the delivery boy from the Cell Games?" a reporter asked.

"Yeah, the one with the golden glow!"

"Where have you been for the past seven years?"

"Are you _really_ a superhero?"

"Um...Videl...help?" Gohan asked, out of the corner of his mouth.

"Just answer their questions," Videl said. "It won't take that long."

"Um...yes!" Gohan said. "I am the boy from the Cell Games. I fought criminals seven years ago, and I fight them now!"

"So the Gold Fighter is the Cell Games Delivery Boy," a fat news writer said, tapping on his keyboard like a maniac. "That explains why he has super speed, super strength, and why he knows how to fly. I have just one more question, Gold Fighter."

"What is it?" Gohan asked.

"Could you get me a pizza?"

"What?"

"Extra large with pepperoni," the reporter said.

"The Gold Fighter isn't here to give you pizza!" Videl said.

"Why not? He's a delivery boy, ain't he?" The reporter put twenty-five bucks in Gohan's hand. "Now get movin'!"

"Okay," Gohan said. He was happy for an excuse to leave the press conference, even if it was a bad one. He flew at top speed to the nearest pizza store.

The person at the counter was too busy watching TV to actually take orders. He scratched his face while Gohan said, "I need an extra large pepperoni pizza."

"Sorry, dude, but we can't cook anything now," the clerk said. "The pizza's frozen, and the oven broke."

He pointed towards the oven, where a huge lump of frozen pizza sat, doing nothing.

"But I need that pizza now!" Gohan said.

"You'll have to wait," the clerk said.

Gohan shot an energy blast as the frozen pizza. Soon, it was melted. A second energy blast cooked it to the right temperature.

"Dude!" the clerk said. "You can heat pizza in seconds? You're hired, bro!"

"Thanks, but I'm not looking for a job," Gohan said.

"Ha!" the clerk said. He pointed at the TV. "You're the Cell Games Delivery Guy, right? I saw you on the news, dude. You totally deliver pizza."

"But...I..." Gohan said.

"Having a superhero deliver pizza will be, like, great for business," the clerk said, rooting through some papers and pulling them out. "We have an order for two small pizzas at 120 West End Drive, a large ham and cheese on Green Field Road, and that extra large you just ordered. Deliver them quick, and I'll let you keep the tips."

"I'm not going to deliver pizzas!" Gohan said.

"Do you _know_ how hard it is to get a job today?" the clerk asked. "I have a law degree from Harvard, and this is the only place that would hire me! And there were 600 other people who sent in applications! For a minimum wage job! And I'll _never_ pay off my student loans, and my cat just ran away from home and—!"

"Okay, fine, I'll deliver them!" Gohan said, putting his hands over his ears. Anything to get the weirdo to shut up!

"Cool," the clerk said.

Gohan grabbed all four pizzas, and using his super speed, he was able to deliver them all in under three minutes.

* * *

Cell crashed into the ground. He was hurt, and he wasn't too sure if he could beat both Broly and Goku at the same time.

"I give up!" Cell said. He brought his right hand to his forehead. "That hurts, darn it! My forehead is bleeding now, and _wait, what on Earth is that?_"

Cell pointed behind Goku and Broly. The two Saiyans fell for the trick, and turned to look at what it was. By the time they figured out Cell wasn't pointing at anything, Cell had used the hand on his forehead to perform Instant Transmission.

"Oh no!" Goku said. Cell had just escaped to somewhere unknown!

* * *

"Cell _escaped?_" King Kai yelled.

"Yeah, but I stopped all the other bad guys!" Goku said. "Plus, once Buu was destroyed, Pikkon came back to life! That's good, right?"

"_I don't care about Pikkon!_" King Kai shouted. "You let the most dangerous monster in the history of the universe go free, you idiot! _You're __**fired**__!_"

"Fired?" Goku asked.

"That's right!" King Kai said. "I'll have King Yemma send you back to Earth immediately! And he needs to set up a search party to find Cell!"

"You can't fire me, King Kai!" Goku said. "Please, give me another chance! If I don't stop Cell, I won't be able to get back to Earth and see my family!"

"Goku, you—" King Kai paused. "You're a real idiot sometimes, Goku."

* * *

Just because he was super good at stopping evil villains, the Supreme Kai was assigned to problem of finding Cell. The first thing he did was set up a search party made of himself, Kabito and his mother.

"Cell is still here in Other World," the Supreme Kai said. "King Yemma guards the only entrance back to the real universe, and no one has gone through it all day...if you don't count King Kai kicking Goku through, that is."

Unfortunately, the Supreme Kai hadn't watched the entire sixth season of DragonBall Z, and he didn't know that Cell once blew up King Kai's planet, then travelled back to Earth. And so, none of the Kais knew the truth: the green villain had returned to Earth, eager to get revenge on Gohan Son.

Cell was cautious, however. He knew that Majin Buu—the most powerful creature ever—had been killed by someone named Gohan. This most likely meant that Gohan was still in top physical condition.

_If I'm going to defeat Gohan, I'm going to have to be clever about it_, Cell thought. _I could easily destroy that wretch in a one-on-one battle because I'm perfect, but if the other Z-Fighters interfere like they did last time, I could get distracted and lose._

_I must find some way to isolate Gohan from his friends...but how could a battle between the two of us go unnoticed? The Z-Fighters are stupid, but they're not __**that**__ stupid._

And so, Cell decided to bide his time and follow Gohan for a while, hoping for a chance to get the half-Saiyan alone. Cell flew to Hercule City, following the energy signal he knew was Gohan's. Gohan was moving, but not very quickly, and it was easy for Cell to catch up.

When he got close, Cell hid himself against a wall. He put his fingers to his forehead so he could perform Instant Transmission at a moment's notice, if it seemed like someone was about to notice him.

Gohan wasn't on the lookout for dead supervillains, however. He was too busy talking and walking with a black-haired girl.

_Her power level is surprisingly large,_ Cell realized. _For a human, that is. Who is she, and why is she with Gohan?_

"I finally reveal myself as a superhero, and I get hired to deliver pizzas," Gohan said. "Life is so unfair."

"Aw, come on, the press conference could have gone a lot worse," Videl said.

"Everyone thinks I'm their errand boy now!" Gohan said. "Superman never had to deal with anything like this!"

"Cheer up," Videl said. "It's just going to take a while for people to get used to a new hero in town, that's all. At least no one recognized you as you. _You_, you, I mean. You know?"

"You just said 'you' five times," Gohan pointed out. "But yeah, no one thought that the Gold Fighter was Gohan Son! My secret identity is safe!"

"For now," Videl said. "But people are probably going to figure it out if we always leave school to go fight crime..."

"I'm not allowed to leave class at the same time as you," Gohan said. "Mr. Brown said it was school policy for girlfrie—I mean, couples."

"You were going to say 'girlfriend'," Videl said.

"Um, yeah, I was," Gohan said, blushing slightly. He just didn't feel comfortable saying "girlfriend" out loud yet, so he changed it.

"Gohan, this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing...it's not weird, is it?" Videl asked. "I mean, I know Erasa was getting worked up about it earlier, and..."

"Weird? No, it's not weird!" Gohan said, shaking his hands wildly. "I'm perfectly comfortable with this! I've had _tons_ of girlfriends before! Like Lime, and Ichi-chay and...yeah, it's weird."

Videl smiled. "You're kind of cute when you're nervous."

Gohan chuckled weakly. "Well, _you're_ kind of cute...all the time!"

Cell gagged. _You're kind of cute when you're nervous? You're cute...all the time?_ Ugh! Gohan had a girlfriend, obviously, and it was disgusting. It was pathetic. It was..._perfect!_

_I can use Gohan's puerile crush to my advantage,_ Cell thought. _I could easily kill her to bring out his hidden power. Or, I could use the threat of killing her to ensure that the Z-Fighters keep their distance. But who __**is**__ she? She's not listed in Dr. Gero's databanks of fighters that are strong enough to use energy attacks!_

Cell was busy formulating his evil plans when two extremely large power levels—much larger than Videl's—appeared in Hercule City.

* * *

The first large power was Goku, returning to Earth.

"Chi-Chi, I'm home!" Goku called.

"GOKU, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Hee hee, funny you should say that! I was actually _in_ Hell, fighting the evil—"

"GOKUUUUUUU!" Chi-Chi screeched.

* * *

Okay, so nothing interesting was happening with Goku, unless you count "getting yelled at by Chi-Chi" as interesting. And to be honest, that happens far too often for it to be considered very interesting.

Something interesting _was_ happening with the second power, however. For you see, Goten's kindergarten class was doing something very dangerous: reading nursery rhymes.

***Insert dramatic music here***

Everyone in the class had to read one. Billy got to read Little Miss Muffet, Stephanie read The Three Little Kittens and Goten got The Cat and the Fiddle. Goten had practiced the nursery rhyme earlier with his mommy, so he wasn't having too much trouble with it.

"Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fi...fiddle," Goten read.

"Very good, Goten," said Ms. Brown. She turned the page.

"The cow jumped over the m...m..."

"Moon," Ms. Brown said, trying to help.

"Moon..." Goten said, staring hard at the illustration in the book, which contained a small moon rock. "Moon...MOON!"

"Goten?" Ms. Brown asked, worried.

Goten's eyes glazed over as fur sprouted all over his body, and he became twenty feet tall. Great Ape Goten was born.

"AAAAAAA!" Ms. Brown screamed.

Great Ape Goten (sometimes called GAG, for short) grabbed Ms. Brown and started crushing buildings. Needless to say, a twenty-foot monster got the attention of everyone in the school, as well as some people in the nearby high school.

* * *

"It's King Kong!" someone shouted.

"It's Donkey Kong!" another person shouted.

"What the heck _is_ that?" Videl gasped.

"It's a Saiyan!" Gohan said. He immediately pressed the button on his watch that activated his Gold Fighter costume, and he powered up to Super Saiyan. "Come on, we have to stop the Great Ape!"

"I don't see what's so great about it!" Videl said, but she jumped up in the air and flew after Gohan anyway.

"Saiyans turn into Great Apes whenever they see the moon," Gohan explained. "It's daytime right now, so they must be using a fake moon, or..."

"Is this why Goten has a tail?" Videl asked, speaking loudly to be heard over the crowd below. "I always thought the tail thing was freaky, and AUGH!"

Up close, the Great Ape looked even _more_ dangerous than it did earlier. How on Earth was Videl supposed to kill something like that? Energy blasts, maybe? But if it was a Saiyan like Gohan said, that meant she had almost no chance of—

"Videl, look out!" Gohan cried.

Great Ape Goten swung his fist at Videl, and she went flying backwards. She was already in midair, so she didn't fly backwards into a wall or anything like that. She just flew backwards seven feet before regaining control of her flight.

"That...hurt..." Videl groaned.

"HELLLLLLP MEEEEEEE!" Ms. Brown yelled from inside Great Ape Goten's fist.

"Hey, isn't that Goten's teacher?" Gohan asked.

"I don't keep track of kindergarten teachers," Videl said. "What difference does it make?"

"A big one," Gohan said, grimly. "He's holding her in his hand."

Videl's eyes swept over the scene. Two buildings were destroyed, and the Great Ape was jumping up and down. Things were looking bad, especially if the monster got bored and decided to head downtown.

"Okay, here's the plan," Gohan said. "I'm going to cut off Goten's tail. That'll make him turn back into a human, and he won't attack anyone anymore."

"But he's twenty feet tall," Videl said. "How is that even _possible?_"

"That's the tricky part," Gohan said. "Once the tail is gone, he's going to shrink back to normal size. Which means both he and his teacher are going to fall from a height of twenty feet."

"Right," Videl said, slightly confused.

"So you grab Ms. Brown before she hits the ground, and I grab Goten. Got it?"

"I _think_ so," Videl said. "You're going to cut off his tail, and we grab them before they hit the ground."

"Exactly," Gohan said. "Now distract Great Ape Goten so I can get a good shot at his tail."

"Wait, _WHAT?_" Videl shouted, but it was too late. Gohan flew off, trying to sneak behind the Great Ape.

_Hurry up before he kills someone!_ Gohan thought at Videl.

_Gohan Son, when we get through with this, I am going to rip your brain out of your skull and—_well, I'm not going to finish writing the rest of the mean things that popped into Videl's head. Let's just say it was a good thing Gohan couldn't hear her thoughts. He was too busy dodging Great Ape Goten, who was trying to stomp on top of him.

_What are you __**doing? **_Gohan thought at Videl as he avoided an energy blast. _ Distract him!_

Videl flew up to the eye level of GAG, then realized she had no idea what to do. _Gah, this is so __**stupid!**_ she thought. _How on Earth do you distract a twenty-foot monkey?_

"Hey, Monkey!" Videl shouted.

Goten ignored her.

Videl sighed and flew closer to Goten's head. She did her best midair monkey impersonation. "Hey, Monkey Boy! Bananas! Bananas! Ook ook eek!"

That got Goten's attention. His blood red eyes narrowed, and he opened his mouth to shoot out a huge energy blast at her.

_Crap!_ Videl thought, as she flew as quickly as she could to the left.

"GOT IT!" Gohan yelled, as he let a Destructo Disk fly at Goten's tail. The tail was cleanly cut off, and Great Ape Goten roared in pain as he began to shrink. His hand opened, and Ms. Brown began to plummet.

"_I'm gonna die!_" Ms. Brown screeched.

_Crap CRAP!_ Videl thought, as she dived to grab the teacher. She grabbed the teacher's arm, but the teacher was flailing wildly, and she was too heavy to pull with one arm, and the blacktop of the playground was coming up close and...

Videl and Ms. Brown crashed headfirst into the sand pit. It was embarrassing, but at least no one died.

"Plegh! Ew!" Ms. Brown said, spitting sand out of her mouth. "Thamp—phhhh!—thanks for saving me, Videl."

Ms. Brown knew Videl, because Videl had saved her two weeks earlier. Thanks to a mishap of Goten's, the entire kindergarten class had ended up on the roof of the cafeteria, with no way to get down. Videl had used her flying powers to get them all down, and most of the kids enjoyed the experience.

"Just uh, just doing my duty," Videl said, smacking the side of her head to get the sand loose. Great, it was going to take at least two showers to get all the sand out of her hair.

"I have no idea where that monster came from," Ms. Brown said. "We were reading nursery rhymes in class, and that thing just...just APPEARED, and—" she gasped. "I think it killed Goten!"

"Goten's fine!" Gohan said, flying over to see if Videl and Ms. Brown were okay. Gohan was trying to hold his brother while doing a dramatic superhero pose at the same time, but it wasn't working very well.

"He's naked," Videl noted.

"Who are you?" Ms. Brown asked.

"I'm the Gold Fighter!" Gohan said. "I'm Videl's new crime-fighting partner!"

"Thank you for helping stop that wild monster," Ms. Brown said politely. "Where did it go?"

"I, uh, um...uh...this young boy needs clothes!" Gohan said, pointing his finger into the sky. "I have to get him some, right away! Up, up, AND AWAY! Doot doo doo doo DOOOOO!"

Gohan flew off into the air.

"Uh...WHO was that?" Ms. Brown asked.

"Sorry," Videl said. "He's new to the superhero thing. I'll try to help him work on it."

"You do that," Ms. Brown said, getting up. "Well, I have to get back to my class. Thank you for saving my life again, Videl."

Videl smiled. "You're welcome, Ma'am."

Videl got to her feet and flew away. Ms. Brown still didn't know how Videl did that, especially since her father said all the Cell Games Flying People were just a trick, and...well, that didn't matter now.

Ms. Brown walked to the ruins that once held her classroom, when someone grabbed her shoulder.

It was Cell. Cell was cleverly disguised with a large blue suit and an even larger black wig, thanks to Piccolo's clothing creation technique. Sure, he looked incredibly weird, but at least no one would recognize him as Cell.

"Who was that?" Cell asked, speaking with Android 17's voice. He had used this voice once before, in an attempt to trick Android 18 into getting absorbed.

"What?" Ms. Brown asked, startled by the strange-looking stranger.

"Who were you just talking to?" Cell asked.

"Who are _you?_" Ms. Brown demanded.

"I'm a news reporter," Cell said. "I want to know who you were talking to, so I can put it in my...report."

"Oh," Ms. Brown said. A giant ape attacking the local school _would_ make the news. "Well, of course you know Videl Satan, who came to stop the monster."

"Of course," Cell lied. "And the boy?"

"I don't know who he is, but he appears to be Videl's new partner," Ms. Brown said. "He was kind of odd, to be honest. I think—"

"I don't care about Gohan!" Cell snapped. "I want to know about the boy he was holding!"

"_Gohan?_" Ms. Brown asked. "You mean, Gohan S—?"

"_Who was he holding?"_ Cell demanded.

Ms. Brown gasped at the stranger's sudden anger. "That's...that's Goten Son," she said. "He's one of my students. I think the monster grabbed him at the same time it grabbed me. After all, I was with him when the monster appeared and—hey! Don't you want to finish the interview?"

But Cell had already left, thinking intently. _It appears that Goku has another son. One whose power level is extraordinarily high for such a small child. This could be trouble._


	35. Curse You, Wikipedia!

Cell weighed his options. On one hand, Goten could be a humongous threat. On the other hand, maybe Goten didn't have a hidden power like his brother, and so he could be easily killed. Of course, Cell could easily kill anyone by attacking them unexpectedly, just like he did when he killed Future Trunks. But where would be the fun in that?

It was unfortunate for Cell that he couldn't cheat like Majin Buu did, and absorb someone in order to boost his power level. Or at least, Cell couldn't do that anymore.

You might remember that First Form Cell boosted his power level by sucking the energy out of every human he came across. He had this energy-sucking ability because his DNA lacked several key components, namely, Androids 17 and 18. You would _think_ that Dr. Gero would have information about the two androids on his computer, but apparently, he didn't. Cell had to manually absorb the androids to get their genetic information inside his DNA code.

But when Cell reached his perfect form, his ability to absorb other creatures to boost his energy level was lost. That's because Dr. Gero's computer decided Cell was perfect, and no longer needed any new DNA.

Technically, Cell _could _suck Goten up through his tail, but Cell's DNA and power level would remain exactly the same. So really, there was no reason for Cell to absorb anyone.

_I should have had Dr. Gero fix me while we were in prison! _Cell thought, grimacing. _But he didn't listen to me! He...he..._

Cell thought back to his conversation with Dr. Gero, when the two of them met in jail in Other World.

_Dr. Gero, I need you to fix me._

_I cannot._

_You created me, Doctor. Surely, you just made a simple mistake somewhere, which can easily be adjusted, and—_

_You're perfect, Cell. There is no way for me to improve upon you._

_Then how was I defeated by a mere child? I defeated Goku, but I couldn't stop a ten year old?_

_That failure is __**your**__ fault, not the fault of my design. You are the most perfect being the universe has ever known, Cell. You have the perfect design, perfect energy..._

_There are others with more energy than I do!_

_Of course. You were not created to be the strongest fighter ever, but the __**best**__ fighter ever. Surely you know that strength alone does not ensure victory. It is only the perfect balance of strength, speed, skill, and a million other things that makes you unstoppable._

Maybe Dr. Gero was right. Just because someone had more energy than Cell, this did not mean Cell was imperfect. Cell always had perfect control over his energy, instead of wasting it like those Saiyans did. Yes, that was Cell's advantage over the Saiyans: he was smarter than they were.

So what if Gohan had hidden powers? He could only access those powers through his emotions. And emotions are easily manipulated...

Cell stretched his arms. It was time to use his perfect brain to defeat his foes. Time to make elaborate plans for their destruction. And there was only one way Cell could get accurate information about the two new Z-Fighters.

Cell was going to check Wikipedia.

* * *

Detention at Orange Star High starts fifteen minutes after school ends. You serve detention with your homeroom teacher, and yes, some homeroom teachers never give out detentions because they want to get home early. Our heroes, Gohan and Videl, were walking towards the detention room when an orange-and-black blur flew through the school and attached itself to Gohan's leg.

"Goooohan, you're supposed to pick me up after school! Mommy said so!" Goten whined.

"Aw! Sorry, Goten," Gohan said. "I guess I forget. Videl and I have detention after school today."

"What's detention?" Goten asked. "Hi, Videl!"

"Hi," Videl said, without much enthusiasm.

"Detention is like a punishment for when you do bad things in school," Gohan explained.

"I know what that is!" Goten said. "One time, I spilled purple paint all over three girls. It was an accident, but it was really funny! They looked weird, and they were screaming, and I had to go home early."

"Right, detention is something like that," Gohan said.

"What did you do that was bad?" Goten asked.

"I...uh...uh...that is, we...uh..." Gohan stammered.

"We were kissing in class," Videl said, rolling her eyes at Gohan's utter inability to talk about kissing.

"EWWWW!" Goten said.

"We didn't actually do it!" Gohan said. "The teacher just _thought_ we were kissing!"

"Which is why it's totally unfair for us to have detention," Videl said. She was still a little upset that her "two years without detention" streak had come to an end.

"Kissing girls is gross!" Goten said. "Trunks says they have cooties."

"Cooties?"Gohan asked.

"Yeah!" Goten said. "I dunno what they are, but he says they're bad. He says girls keep them in their bras, and in their nail polish, and—hey, what's a bra? I didn't want to ask Trunks because I didn't want to look stupid. He said his dad—"

"You'll find out when you're older," Videl said, patting Goten's shoulder. (Gohan would have said something, except he was on the verge of fainting). "But Trunks is wrong. Girls don't have cooties. I'm a girl, so I would know."

Goten thought about it. "I guess you're right," he said. "You're a girl, but you're not yucky. I like you! But I still don't want to kiss you."

"Well, good," Videl said. "Only Gohan is allowed to kiss me."

"I am?" Gohan asked. Then he blushed. "I mean—oh, gosh, this is embarrassing—don't I have to ask for permission? I don't want to force you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

Videl blushed, too. "I guess you could ask, I mean, I'd like you to, I think..."

Goten scratched his head.

"So, um, if I wanted to, you know, right now, then I could..." Gohan said, grabbing Videl gently and holding her uncertainly. "We got detention for it, so we might as well..."

"Yes, that could be nice..." Videl said, her arms moving to Gohan's back. "I would..."

"What are you talking about?" Goten asked loudly.

"NOTHING!" Gohan shrieked, jumping backwards. "Nothing at all! Ha ha ha!"

"Yeah!" Videl said. "We weren't—I mean, we're not—not in _public!_"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Gohan laughed, sounding a tad unhinged.

Our heroes were saved from further embarrassment when Videl's watch-phone rang. She pressed the intercom button, glad for the distraction.

"What is it, Chief?" Videl asked.

"Hey, dudette," said the voice from the speaker. It was definitely _not_ the Chief of Police. "This is Stan from the pizza parlor. Could you tell the Gold Fighter to get his butt down here and make some deliveries? We've got a backup of like fifty pizzas. Thanks, Videl!"

He hung up before Videl shouted, "I'm not his secretary!" at her wristwatch.

Gohan sighed. "I'd better take care of that," he said. "Watch Goten for me, okay?"

"Sure thing," Videl said. "Except _I'm not your secretary!_ You can't just dump Goten on me like you did—"

But Gohan had already left. He used his super-speed to leave the school the second he heard Videl say, "sure thing". Videl was beginning to question whether Gohan wanted a girlfriend, or if he _really _just needed a babysitter for his little brother.

"Come on, Goten," Videl sighed. "I'll explain to Mr. Brown why you're here."

"Cool!" Goten said.

The two of them entered the classroom together.

"How did the pizza guy get my phone number, anyway?" Videl wondered.

* * *

Cell went to the local library, still wearing his ridiculous disguise. All of the computers were being used, so he had to wait fifteen minutes before he got his turn. While he waited, Cell analyzed all the power levels currently on the planet.

There were only a handful of people with a power level over 500. Cell focused on their energy signatures, and he was unsurprised to find that they were the Z-Fighters. Only three of them were new: Videl, Goten and an unknown one that Cell concluded was Trunks. His energy felt similar enough to Future Trunks', anyway.

Finally, Cell got his turn on the computer and searched Wikipedia for Goaten. No results.

Go Ten. No results.

Goten. One result! Cell clicked on it.

_John R. Goten (1837-1888) was a senator for the state of Alabama for three days, while the real senator was at the hospital with a broken leg. He is best known for his large mustache, which..._

"Useless!" Cell said. Apparently, Goten did not have much of a presence on the Internet.

"Don't make noise in the library!" the librarian warned Cell.

Leaving Goten aside for the time being, Cell decided to look for Videlle. No results.

Videll. No results.

Videel. No results. (Cell isn't a very good speller.)

Videl. Ah, there we go. Lots of results. Cell clicked on the first one.

_Videl Satan is a high school student in Hercule City. She is best known for being the daughter of three-time World Marital Arts Champion Hercule, and her work with the police department. She often assists them with dangerous cases, and has been dubbed "a real-live superhero" [citation needed]._

"Three time champion?" Cell wondered. "Who is he?"

"Shhhhh!" the librarian said.

Cell clicked on the page for Hercule, intrigued by the knowledge that there was a strong fighter on the planet. Perhaps the energy Cell sensed belonged to this Hercule person, and not to Trunks.

Hercule's page popped onscreen, with a large picture of Hercule after winning his second championship in a row.

_Hercule Satan is a world-renown athlete, having won multiple World Martial Arts Tournaments and Olympic gold medals. He is best known for killing the monster known as "Cell" during the Cell Games._

"WHAT?" Cell shouted.

"Shhhhh!" the librarian said, shushing Cell again.

Cell furiously scrolled down the page, and various phrases popped out at him: "Cell was easy to beat", "nothing but a bunch of tricks," "green freakazoid with hidden explosives", and "probably an overweight man, wearing a clever disguise".

"CURSE YOU, WIKIPEDIA!" Cell yelled, charging up an energy ball and destroying the computer.

"Sir, if you don't be quiet, you'll have to leave the library!" the librarian said.

"I don't care!" Cell yelled. He picked up the librarian and threw her into a bookshelf, thus ensuring that he would probably _never_ be approved for a library card.

* * *

The pizza parlor kept Gohan busy for a long time. Not only did he have to deliver a lot of pizzas, but he had to fill out a lot of employee forms and watch a training video. Worst of all for Gohan, about half of the customers tried to get him to talk about the Cell Games.

There were more pizza delivery requests than ever, now that people knew the delivery boy could travel from one end of town to the other in under a minute. The manager was thinking about making this the centerpiece of their next marketing campaign.

"But I don't _want_ to deliver pizzas!" Gohan protested.

"You want to take a break?" the manager said. "Okay, fine, you get a ten minute break. You earned it, kid."

"No, I don't want to deliver pizzas ever again!"

"Ha ha ha!" the manager said. "You've got a great sense of humor, kid, you know that? Speakin' of which, you gotta redo your application form. You wrote 'Gold Fighter' instead of your real name."

"I can't write my _real_ name!" Gohan protested. "That would reveal my secret identity!"

"And _I_ can't pay an undocumented worker," the manager said. "The feds'll be all over my back."

So Gohan had to leave the pizza parlor and visit the police station, in hopes that they could issue him a valid government ID. By the time he got finished, detention was long since over, and Gohan had missed the whole thing.

Fortunately, Gohan didn't get in trouble for skipping detention. Videl said he was working at his job, and Mr. Brown accepted that as a valid excuse. Gohan's detention was merely delayed until the next day.

Speaking of Videl, once detention was over, she and Goten went over to her house. Videl was hoping to do some martial arts training with Goten—in particular, she wanted to learn how to do the Gold Fighter transformation—but Goten wanted to watch a movie instead. Videl decided to put on _Cinderella_, so they could see the song "Bibbety Bobbety Boo".

"Aw, how cute!" Denaira, Videl's mother, said when she stumbled upon the scene. "Viddy and her friends watching _Cinderella!_ It's just like when she was younger!"

"Mom," Videl whined. "You're interrupting the movie!"

"I remember your eighth birthday, when you had a princess party, and you insisted on wearing your Cinderella costume," Denaira said fondly. "You were so adorable."

"Not now, Mom," Videl said.

"You had a dress-up party? Cool!" Goten said.

"We still have the pictures," Denaira said. "Do you want me to get them for you, Goten?"

_"Mooom!"_ Videl said, while her mother smiled. Videl started to push her mother out of the room. "Get out! Get out! _Get out!_"

"Okay, I'll go see if I can find your old Cinderella costume," Denaira said. "I know your father didn't get rid of it when I was dead, because you threw such a huge fit when I suggested throwing it out after you entered high school. All for a silly old costume that hadn't fit you for years!"

Videl slammed the door behind her mother, before Denaira could say anything else about her past. Videl became a tomboy shortly after entering high school, and she didn't want anyone to know about her girly past. _Especially_ her boyfriend's little brother.

Of course, Goten was oblivious to this. "Can _I_ see the costume?" he asked. "I bet you looked real pretty in it!"

"I am _not_ one of those pretty girls," Videl said angrily, referring to certain group of girls that had teased her in the past because she was "too ugly to get a boyfriend". "I care about more than just my physical appearance, thank you very much."

"Nuh uh! Gohan says you're a real pretty girl, and he likes you, and I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but—oops!" Goten said, covering his mouth.

"Uh, let's get back to the movie," Videl suggested.

"Okay!" Goten said. Six-year-olds were easy to distract.

* * *

Cell was on a mission to kill Hercule as soon as possible. In what would later be described as "not exactly the best plan ever", he marched right to Hercule's house and rang the doorbell.

::Ring!::

"ANSWER THE DOOR, YOU [string of bad words]!" Cell shouted.

He rang the doorbell nonstop, until it was answered by a very angry Videl.

"What's your problem?" she asked. "Can't you ring the doorbell once, like a normal person?"

"Videl," Cell smiled. "I have come to kill your father. Where is he?"

"You WHAT?" Videl asked. "Who do you think you are, you psycho?"

"I am the universe's most perfect being!" Cell said. "I am the all-powerful...wait, you don't recognize me?"

"I'm calling the police if you don't leave in five seconds," Videl said, glaring at Cell.

It took Cell a moment to realize that he was still wearing his disguise, which was why she didn't recognize him. Quickly, he ripped off the large wig that covered his shiny head, and the clothes that covered his green skin.

Videl gasped and took a step backwards. "Cell!" she said. She immediately pressed the emergency button on her watch, to summon the police.

"_That's right!_" Cell said. "I'm back, and I'm going to kill that lying phony who said he killed me! Now _where is he?_"

_Oh, man, where's Gohan when you need him?_ Videl thought. _I can't fight Cell! _She gasped wordlessly for a moment, until Cell's patience wore out.

"WHERE?" Cell shouted.

"Videl!" Denaira called from the other room. "Could you tell your friend to keep it down, please? I'm trying to show Goten some of your old clothes!"

"Yeah, the Cindy-relly dress is really pretty!" Goten called.

"Mom, I told you not to show those to anyone!" Videl said, getting dangerously close to pouting. "Those are private!"

"Your mother," Cell said. "If _you_ won't tell me where your father is, maybe _she_ will!"

"Don't you dare," Videl said, getting into a fighting position. "If you try to hurt my mother, I'll have to stop you."

"You? Stop ME?" Cell laughed. There were only four energy signals in the house—Cell, Videl, Goten and Denaira—so Cell knew that Hercule wasn't there. But even if Hercule himself was gone, Cell could easily take out his rage on the Champ's daughter. "I think you need to learn some _respect!_"

Cell flew directly at Videl, ready to kill her with one punch to the head, when Goten came in. The young boy was actually _wearing_ Videl's old Cinderella costume, even though it clashed horribly with his hair.

"See, the dress is really pretty!" Goten said. "And it fits me perfectly!"

Cell stopped in mid-attack. "Is that boy wearing what I think he's wearing?" Cell asked.

"Goten, quick!" Videl said. "Do the psychic thing to call your brother!"

"Psychi-what?" Goten asked.

"Silence!" Cell shouted. He hit Videl with the back of his hand, and she fell to the ground.

"Hey!" Goten said. "Don't hurt my friend Videl!" He powered up to Super Saiyan, and now that he had yellow hair, the Cinderella costume looked better on him. "Leave her alone!"

"A six-year-old Super Saiyan?" Cell asked. It looked like Cell was right when he thought Goten could be a threat.

Videl got to her feet. "My boyfriend killed you once, and he can do it again," she said. "Why don't you go back to whatever hole you crawled out of? You won't get out of this situation alive."

As if on cue, a squadron of armed policemen burst into the room. Of course, they came to Videl's house as quickly as possible, once they got an emergency signal from her. All of the policemen aimed their guns at Cell.

"Freeze!" Sergeant Hernandez shouted. "Back away from the others, NOW!"

Cell's mind worked quickly. _I can kill the humans easily enough, but the boy could cause trouble. If he's already a Super Saiyan, that means he must have hidden powers, just like his infernal brother! I'll have to kill him before he taps in those powers! Unless..._

_Unless...I beat the girl to death to bring out the boy's hidden powers, and use __**that**__ to kill his brother! It's perfect!_

Moving faster than the eye could see, Cell snuck up behind Goten and grabbed him. Cell held the child close to his chest, then he grabbed Videl's left hand with his other arm.

"Ta ta, gentlemen," Cell said, before flying up and through the roof, carrying his two hostages with him.


	36. Goten is Tormented

**Author's Note: **You know, I've read a lot of Gohan Torment fics, where Dende goes rogue and torments Gohan for no real reason whatsoever. However, I don't I've ever read a Goten Torment fic. I guess Dende likes Goten more than Gohan.

Well, this chapter is probably as close as I'll ever get to a Goten Torment fic. Enjoy!

* * *

Ah, Cell.

Cell was Dr. Gero's greatest creation: an evil bug/android with super powers.

Cell was designed to be the perfect fighter. He would never, ever lose a battle, except for that one time when Gohan killed him, and the other time Pikkon defeated him (which totally didn't count because it was a filler episode), and then there was the time when First Form Cell actually ran away from a fight with Krillin, which was a really embarrassing loss to take, and...

Well, okay, maybe Cell had lost a few fights. But he was still _perfect_, by golly. Nothing could stop him in his quest to kill all of the Z-Fighters, and then destroy the planet Earth.

Cell wasn't exactly sure what he'd do _after_ he destroyed Earth. Dr. Gero's programming didn't go that far.

In any case, before unleashing his evil plans, Cell had decided it was best to do some silent recon on Videl and Goten, the two new Z-Fighters. And by "silent recon", I mean he forcibly kidnapped them in front of ten policemen.

...Cell wasn't a big fan of stealth missions.

Cell was currently hiding out in one of the Hercule City Warehouses, on the outskirts of town. It was a convenient place to hide kidnapping victims, and Videl had to do a few hostage rescue missions at the warehouses, during the course of her work with the police.

She just never thought that _she_ would be the next person taken hostage.

Goten and Videl were currently floating in midair, trapped helpless inside a semi-transparent purple cube of energy that Cell had conjured. Cell, being the evil fiend that he was, had gotten this idea from _Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_.

"What do you want with us?" Videl demanded. "Why did you bring us here? We didn't have anything to do with the Cell Games."

"I wanna go home!" Goten cried.

Cell examined his fingernails, deliberately not paying attention to his captives. "The barrier is impenetrable by physical or energy-based attacks," he said. "Try as you might, you won't break though."

Videl slammed her hand against the side of the cube, but nothing happened. It felt as solid as concrete.

"I suppose you're wondering what we're doing here," Cell said. "Let's just say that I'm using you for...leverage. Should Gohan show up, it will be to my advantage to have his girlfriend and brother lying helpless in my clutches. And if he doesn't show up, well...I have other plans for you two."

Cell grinned, and Videl had a really bad feeling about what would happen if Gohan didn't show up soon.

It was too bad for Videl that Gohan didn't know they were kidnapped.

* * *

Needless to say, Hercule was not pleased to come home to find police officers all over his living room. He immediately demanded to know what was going on, and why there was a huge hole in his ceiling.

The debriefing that the officer gave Hercule did not improve the Champ's mood.

"It looked like Cell," Sergeant Hernandez said. "He grabbed Videl and Cinderella, and flew through the roof."

"CELL?" Hercule said. "Are you crazy, you idiot? I killed Cell seven years ago, and—wait, Cinderella?"

"There was a yellow-haired child in a blue dress," the officer said. "I didn't get a good look at her, but she was clearly dressed up like Cinderella."

"DENAIRA!" Hercule yelled.

"I'm right here!" Denaira yelled back. She was on the other side of the living room, giving a statement to one of the officers. "No need to spaz out!"

"I'm not spazzing out!" Hercule cried. "What the heck is going on here? Where's Videl?"

"I don't know!" she said. "I was in the other room with Goten, and he left to go see Videl, and the next thing I knew, the two of them were gone!"

"We've been trying to call her wristwatch," Officer Hernandez said. "But we haven't had any luck so far. Once we get a connection, we'll use the GPS to locate her."

"I don't get it," Hercule said. "Videl is one of the ten strongest people on the planet. Who could have kidnapped her?"

"It _looked_ like Cell," the officer said.

"Cell is dead!" Hercule screeched. "There's no way a dead monster could have kidnapped my daughter! People don't just come back from the dead, you know!"

"Um, speaking of which..." Officer Hernandez said. "Why do our records show your wife died two years ago, when she's still alive?"

"Uh...uh...How should I know? I'm not in charge of your records!" Hercule said. "Sounds to me like someone messed up in your records department! You should look into that, AFTER you find my daughter!"

"We're working as hard as we can," the officer said. The police force in Hercule City might not be good at capturing violent criminals, but they were excellent when it came to detective work. Within twenty minutes, they were able to successfully link Videl's kidnapping to the event at the library.

Once the police left, Hercule talked things over with his wife. She wanted to let the police handle things, but Hercule knew that, somehow, the Son Family was involved. Whenever something really _weird_ happens, Goku and his friends are behind it.

"You don't honestly believe that Cell kidnapped our daughter," Denaira said. "He's dead!"

"Yeah, but..." Hercule said. "Chi-Chi told me that Goku disappeared today. Goku disappears, then Videl and Goten disappear? That can't be a coincidence!"

"So what do you think's going on?" Denaira asked.

"I have no idea," Hercule said. "But I say we let the aliens take care of this."

"Whatever," Denaira said. "Call them if you want, but I don't think it'll make a difference. It was clearly some maniac in a costume."

Hercule almost choked at the idea of calling Chi-Chi and telling her that Goten might have been kidnapped by Cell.

"I ain't calling her!" Hercule gasped. "She's crazy! _You_ call her!"

"_Me?_ I'm not calling that nutjob! Do I _look_ like I want to get yelled at?"

"Well, I don't want to call her either!" Hercule said. "She hates me more than anybody else! But somebody has to do it, so it might as well be you!"

"No, _you!_"

"_You!_"

In the end, they played rock-paper-scissors to determine who had to call Chi-Chi. Hercule lost, so he had to call her.

An annoyed voice answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Are you there, Chi-Chi?" Hercule said. "It's me, Hercule."

"Ugh, I don't have time to deal with your nonsense today!" Chi-Chi snapped. "Neither of my sons came home from school today! They probably went to see a movie _without my permission_, and they are going to be grounded for a month! Why do they—?"

"Uh, that's great, Chi-Chi," Hercule said. "Look, have you seen Videl today?"

"No, of course not," Chi-Chi said. "Why?"

"We think she was kidnapped, just like Goku."

"Oh, Goku's fine," Chi-Chi said. "He came back around lunchtime, which is just _typical_ of him. I don't even know why I was so worried, to be hon—wait, _kidnapped?_"

"Someone attacked Videl in our house!" Hercule said.

"Oh no!"

"And when the police showed up, he managed to escape with Videl in hand!" Hercule said.

"That's horrible!" Chi-Chi said. "Who could have done that?"

"We don't know, but the kidnapper was dressed up like Cell!"

"Okay, now you're making things up," Chi-Chi said.

"I'm serious!" Hercule said. "So can't you use your super locating powers to find her? PLEASE?"

"I'll have Goku find her right away," Chi-Chi promised. "I was just about to have him find our sons, anyway."

"Oh, yeah, about Goten..." Hercule said.

"What?" Chi-Chi asked. "Don't tell me he's caught up in this, too!"

"Uh...um...no, that's okay, never mind! BYE!" Hercule shouted, hanging up the phone.

"Smooth," Denaira observed.

"Oh, shut up," Hercule said.

* * *

At Chi-Chi's command, Goku used his energy-sensing powers to find the lost Z-Fighters. He couldn't find Videl or Goten anywhere in town, which was a bad sign. He was easily able to locate Gohan, though.

Gohan was still suffering at his job as a pizza delivery boy. He didn't even _want_ this job, but whenever he talked about quitting, the boss started yelling. He was about to pick up his tenth load of deliveries when a voice popped into his head.

_Gohan! Are you there?_

_Dad?_ Gohan thought. _Is that you?_

_Yeah, it's me. I don't know where you are, but you'd better come home quick. Something bad has happened._

_What?_

_Someone kidnapped Fiddle._

_...Who?_

_Heh heh...um, I kind of forgot her name. But she's your friend. Fiddle...Fi-del...Fidel..._

_Videl?_

_That's it!_ Goku thought, happy to have it figured out. _Videl was kidnapped!_

_I'll be there immediately._

The whole time Goku and Gohan were talking, Gohan's boss was yelling at him for spacing out on the job.

"What's wrong with you, ain't you listenin' to me? You better shape up!" the owner shouted.

"I have to go home now," Gohan said.

"You can't leave! You haven't finished your shift yet!"

"Sorry!" Gohan said, running out the door.

"That's it! _You're FIRED!_" the pizza shop owner yelled, conveniently bringing an end to that particular plotline.

* * *

Cell was busy plotting his next move.

_Goten is weaker than Gohan_, Cell thought. _Therefore, his hidden powers will be weaker, too. All I have to do is get him to pull out his hidden powers and go into Super Saiyan 2 form. Then, I'll kill him, and use the experience of killing a Super Saiyan 2 to help me destroy Gohan._

Cell's plan had a rather good chance of succeeding. Goten might be the youngest Super Saiyan ever, but he had never undergone thorough martial arts training like Gohan did with Piccolo. That and Goten's lack of experience meant that he was probably the easiest Saiyan to kill.

Meanwhile, Goten and Videl sat in the purple cube, bored. They couldn't escape, and nothing was happening in the crate-filled warehouse.

"I can't believe this," Videl said. "We're being held captive by a dead monster."

"At least you're not wearing a dress," Goten said. Being kidnapped was bad enough, but being kidnapped while dressed like Cinderella was just plain ridiculous.

"Yeah, about that," Videl said. "I don't want to sound mean, Goten, but you really shouldn't have put on that dress without asking my permission first. It's kind of important to me."

"But your mommy said I could play dress up!" Goten said.

"But it's still _my_ dress," Videl said. "You should have asked first."

"But it doesn't even fit you!" Goten argued.

"That doesn't matter," Videl said. "You should always ask for permission before trying on other people's clothes from now on, okay?"

"Okay," Goten said, grumpy. He officially decided that he didn't like dresses anymore, because they looked silly and made his shoulders feel weird.

"Why don't you wear dresses?" Goten asked.

"What?" Videl asked.

"If your favorite clothes is the blue dress, why don't you wear any?" Goten asked.

"I...I wear these clothes now," Videl said. "It's a lot easier to fight in these than it is to fight in a dress."

"I guess," Goten said. "But you looked really pretty in the dress. I saw the picture."

Videl made a mental note to hide the Cinderella dress and picture where her parents couldn't find them. "Well, thanks," Videl said. "I actually tried on a dress when I went shopping with Erasa last week. It was too small, but it had these cute black—"

"Oh, for the love of Pete's sake," Cell said suddenly, causing Videl to jump. She didn't know he was listening. "Will you two just SHUT UP? I don't care about your wardrobe issues!"

"Yeah, that's 'cause you're naked!" Goten said, giggling.

Cell growled. "That's it," he said. "I _was_ going to wait here for a few days, but I'm going to finish things right now."

"Good, 'cause I kind of have to go to the bathroom," Goten said. "It's—"

Cell raised his hand and used Piccolo's clothes-creating ability to make a large, thick scarf appear around Goten's mouth. This muffled out all of Goten's speech.

"MUCH better," Cell said. He then reached his arm into the purple cube and pulled Videl out.

Videl struggled against Cell's strong grip, but she couldn't break free. She settled for kicking him, then blasting him in the face with an energy attack. Cell didn't even blink when this happened.

"Are you done?" Cell asked.

Videl grunted in response, and she renewed her attacks with double intensity. Cell sighed. Weak fighters never knew when to give up.

Cell tossed her upwards a few feet, like a softball. As she fell back down, he smacked her with the back of his hand. She flew five feet in midair before crashing into some crates. Fortunately, the crate she crashed into was full of band-aids, so it was a relatively soft landing.

"Aaaaa!" Goten cried. "LEAVE HER ALONE!"

Cell grinned as he looked at the angry Goten, who was unconsciously gathering his energy. _That's it, Goten. Get mad. Get __**really**__ mad. Let me see your hidden power!_

Videl was able to get back on her feet, even though a blow like that would have sent most normal people to the hospital.

"It's too bad you can't save her, Goten," Cell taunted. "She's going to die because of you!"

"No one's going to die," Videl said.

Cell shot an energy attack at her. It was too quick for Videl to block it, not that she knew how to block energy attacks, anyway. She flew backwards a foot and fell down on the band-aids.

"Ug," Videl said.

"Videl is my friend—that's not nice—you big bully—I hate you—stop it!" Goten shouted, punching the purple wall of the cube.

"You're too weak!" Cell said. "Both of you! You can't stop me!"

_Okay, new plan_, Videl thought. She stood up and took a very broad stance. "Prepare for my super-complex forearm fang technique!" she cried.

"Your what?" Cell asked.

Videl began moving her arms in front of her face, in a complex fashion. It wasn't a real fighting technique; she was just stalling for time by pretending to be doing an attack. She pressed the buttons on her watch a few times in the process, double-checking that, yep, it was giving off a distress signal, now that she was out of the purple cube.

_What on Earth is she...oh, wait, _Cell thought, as he came up with an explanation for Videl's behavior_. She's trying to do the Burning Attack...and failing miserably._

After ten seconds, Cell got bored with watching Videl mangle Future Trunks' attack technique.

"Are you going to finish anytime soon?" he asked.

"Whoops, I think I messed up somewhere," Videl said. "Better start all the way from the beginning again. You just stay—"

"_This_ is how you perform that technique, you fool!" Cell said. He moved his arms around, held his palms out, and he blasted the smithereens out of Videl.

She fell forwards and did not get up again.

"VIDELLL!" Goten cried. "Get up!"

"Oh my, it seems I killed her," Cell said. "How unfortunate."

"NOOOOOO!"

"And when your brother and father get here, I'll kill them, too," Cell added, trying hard not to laugh. "What do you think of that?"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Goten screamed. He began slamming against the walls of the purple cube, hoping to break them through sheer force of will. When that didn't work, he began a Kamehameha, which also failed to produce any results.

_Why is he not strong enough to break out of the energy cube?_ Cell wondered. _He must not have accessed his hidden powers yet._

Cell was beginning to suspect Goten was too young and too weak to bother with. The young boy didn't even know how to sense energy, for goodness' sake! If he did, he would know that Videl was merely unconscious, not dead.

But then again, Cell was too smart to underestimate a Saiyan warrior. It was probably best to push Goten to his limits, even if he _didn't_ have hidden powers.

"It's too bad that you're too much a weakling to break out of your prison," Cell said. "You could have saved her, you know."

Goten shouted some bad words at Cell.

"Let's see if you can save her during the second fight," Cell said.

"What?" Goten asked.

Cell put his hands over Videl and used his Namekian healing powers to bring Videl back to full strength. To Goten, it looked like Cell had brought Videl back to life.

"VIDEL!" Goten screamed.

"What?" Videl asked. Her head hurt. What was she...?

Cell karate-chopped her from behind. Instant concussion. She dropped to the ground.

"NOOOOO!" Goten said. "You can't bring her back to life just to kill her! That's...that's...that's just mean!"

Cell grinned. "Stop me if you can, little girl!"

"AAAAAAA!" Goten screamed.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Cell had "killed" Videl seven times. Goten was now on the breaking point, although Cell wasn't sure what would break first: Goten's sanity, or his hidden powers.

_Not much difference between the two, I suppose,_ Cell thought, as he watched Goten literally shake with anger. Unless Cell was mistaken, Goten's pupils had disappeared, just like when Future Trunks had attempted to go Super Saiyan 2.

That's when someone else entered onto the scene.

"VIDEL!" a voice called from outside the building.

"Huh?" Cell asked, turning his head to the door.

Goten broke out of his semi-trance. "What?" he asked.

The door to the abandoned warehouse shook as Erasa opened it and stepped inside.

"OMG, Videl, what's going on?" Erasa shouted. "Your dad says you've gone missing, and the GPS says you're out here, in the middle of nowhere! Why are you—Aaaaaa! Cell!"

Cell quickly grabbed Erasa. "_How did you know to come here?_" he demanded.

"Uh...wuh...aaaaaaaa..."

"ANSWER ME!" Cell yelled.

"The GPS in Videl's watch?"

Cell threw Erasa into the purple cube, while he processed this new information. Apparently, his position had been compromised by something called a GPS.

Cell did a quick check of all energies in the area. At least forty different people were headed directly to the warehouse. Two of them were Goku and Gohan.

"That...that's Cell!" Erasa said. She couldn't believe he was back. "That's really, really Cell!"

"He's a big bully!" Goten said.

_What to do?_ Cell wondered. He didn't want a large confrontation with everyone, like with the Cell Games. That was a failure. No, it would be best if he killed the Z-Fighters one by one, like Androids 17 and 18 did when _they_ took over the world, but with the two strongest Z-Fighters on the way, that didn't look like an option...

"How is he back? What's going on? Who are you? Where's Videl?" Erasa asked.

"Cell killed her!" Goten said. "He killed her over and over!"

"WHAT?" Erasa said. "No!"

Of course, Cell _could_ use Instant Transmission to escape, but Goku would surely follow. It was starting to look like a confrontation was inevitable. Cell would have to improvise for a bit.

"I suppose I don't have a choice with this," Cell said. He began hunting around in the crates of the room, finding one with purple bedsheets.

* * *

Five minutes later, Gohan in Super Saiyan Form came in, along with Goku, Hercule, the police force and some members of the local media.

"WELCOME!" Cell cried.

"Huh?" Goku asked.

"What?" Gohan asked.

Purple bedsheets were thrown all over the area. They were _supposed _to be banners, but Cell wasn't very good at interior decoration.

"Daddy's here!" Goten said, jumping up.

"Hey, don't move!" Erasa said. "I'm not finished with your hair!"

Goten sat back down obediently, while Erasa ran a brush through Goten's hair, in order to make it look more like the real Cinderella's.

"Welcome, everyone!" Cell said. "Welcome to the Cell Games...PART TWO!"


	37. The Cell Games, Part 2

"We're coming to you live, from the Cell Games, Part Two, where the evil monster Cell has somehow come back from the dead and is threatening to kill all of humanity," an announcer said to the TV camera. Amazingly enough, they managed to find the exact same announcer from the original Cell Games and bring him in to report.

"Moments ago, Cell picked up the unconscious body of Videl Satan and threw it at our fighters," the announcer said. "The Gold Fighter flew into a fit of rage and attacked Cell with all he had, but it wasn't enough! Now the Gold Fighter is trapped in some sort of floating purple cage of death! Hercule, your thoughts?"

"I don't like this situation one bit!" Hercule said. "I expected the Gold Fighter to kill—er, to last much longer than he did."

"The paramedics have rushed Videl to the hospital, where they hope she will make a full recovery," the announcer said. "We'll give you an update on that situation as soon we can, but first, let's try to get an exclusive interview with the Gold Fighter!"

Gohan was busy trying to punch his way out of the purple energy cube, but it wasn't working.

"You can't break it," Goten said. "I tried a Kamehameha, but it didn't work."

"And I tried using my nail polish remover on it," Erasa said. It was the first time ever that her emergency makeup kit had failed her.

"There must be _some_ way to get out of here," Gohan said. He stopped and frowned. "How did you two get in here, anyway?"

"Same as you, Cell threw me in," Erasa said. "Although I'm not complaining! Getting to have some alone time with a cute superhero..."

Gohan blushed. "It's...it's not really alone time when there are news reporters everywhere," he said.

"And me!" Goten said.

"You're still cute, though," Erasa said, as if that was all that mattered. "Except for your eyes. They're all cold and creepy. I like my muscular guys with soft, gentle eyes, you know?"

"Er, no," Gohan said, scratching his head. Silently, he wondered if he should tell Erasa about his real identity. That would get her to stop flirting with the Gold Fighter, but there was too much of a danger that someone would overhear.

"Excuse me, Mr. Gold Fighter?" the announcer said, approaching the purple cube. "I was wondering if I could have word with you and your sisters."

"My _sisters?_" Gohan asked.

"Yes, now that we're up close, there's no mistaking the family resemblance!" the announcer said. "All three of them have soft yellow hair and strong blue eyes! Maybe they're Swedish!"

Erasa giggled. "Sorry, but I'm not related to the Gold Fighter," she said.

"I am!" Goten said. "He's my big brother. When I grow up, I wanna be just like him!"

"Oh, that's so sweet!" Erasa said.

"And there you have it, folks!" the announcer said. "Little Cindy here wants to be just like her big brother when she grows up! Truly, the Gold Fighter is a great role model for _all_ little boys and girls! Everyone loves a superhero who always helps other people and saves the day!"

"I wish I could save the day now," Gohan said. "But I can't break out of this cage!"

"Have you tried punching it with your super-strength?" the announcer asked.

"Yes," Gohan said.

"What about...nail polish remover?" the announcer asked.

"Did that!" Erasa said.

"What about you, Cinderella?" the announcer asked. "Did you try asking for your fairy godmother to appear?"

"I'm not _really _Cinderella," Goten said. "This is just a costume."

"Oh my," the announcer said. "That's—"

"All right, I'm here!" someone shouted. "Let's get this show on the road!"

"What?" the announcer gasped, as he turned around. The person who had just shouted was the announcer from the World Martial Arts Tournament.

"But...but..._I'm_ supposed to be the announcer today!" the Cell Games Announcer whined.

* * *

"I was as surprised as everyone else when I saw Cell here," Hercule said to the announcer. "I thought it must be some sort of trick, but he defeated the Gold Fighter so easily...I think this could be the real Cell!"

"But Hercule, I thought you said the Gold Fighter _wasn't_ a real superhero," the announcer said.

"Uh...wha?" Hercule asked.

"You said his superpowers were nothing but a series tricks! That he just pretends to fly with a jetpack, and he uses a lot of flashing lights to make it look like he's glowing!"

"Well, that's true but...uh, well, he is kind of strong, I guess—"

"Excuse me," the Cell Games Announcer said. "What are you doing?"

"I'm doing commentary on the fight," the World Martial Arts Tournament Announcer responded.

"But _I'm_ the real announcer here!" the CGA said.

"Are you crazy?" the WMATA said. "You haven't had a good announcing job in seven years! _I'm_ the world's best fighting announcer!"

"But I'm best friends with Hercule!" the CGA said. "Isn't that right, Champ?"

"Ha! As if!" the WMATA said. "He likes _me_ best! He said so himself!"

"Yeah, on _April Fools' Day!_" the CGA said. "Take a hike, amateur!"

The two announcers argued, and they came very close to punching each other, when Hercule stepped in.

"Look, you guys, it doesn't matter who's better at announcing," Hercule said. "The truth is that you're _both _filler characters who don't have real names. Just accept it and move on."

* * *

Of course, Cell wasn't standing around doing nothing this whole time. After throwing Gohan in the purple energy cage, Cell focused his attention on Goku, the fighter who posed the greatest challenge.

"How did you escape from Other World?" Goku demanded.

"That, my enemy, is a long story," Cell said. In reality, it _wasn't _a long story. Cell just used Instant Transmission from the place where King Kai's planet used to be. But he _insisted _on telling the story in great detail.

Goku moaned in boredom. He hadn't been this bored since that one episode, where half of the episode was Cell telling his whole life story.

So that's why Goku and Cell weren't fighting while everything else was going on.

* * *

Dende was on top of Kami's Lookout, playing with a Gameboy. He had been playing for three hours in a row, and Piccolo had finally decided to ask him about it.

"Dende, shouldn't you be doing your Guardian duties?" Piccolo asked.

"Mr. Popo's taking care of things," Dende said, not even bothering to pause his game.

"You can't let Mr. Popo do all your work!" Piccolo said. "Mr. Popo is not the slave of—"

Three sad-sounding beeps came out of the speakers of the Gameboy.

"Ah, you made me lose!" Dende said. "See, _this_ is why nobody likes you, dude! You're a total jerk!"

"You rebellious teenage punk!" Piccolo said. "What if there was an earthquake or a tornado, and millions of people died, all because _you_ weren't fulfilling your duties as Guardian of Earth?"

"Chillax, Grandpa!" Dende said. "I bet you five bucks that nothing bad is happening at all down there."

_Dende! Piccolo!_ Goku screamed, using his psychic powers. _Help! Cell has come back to Earth, and he wants to continue the Cell Games!_

"WHAT?" Piccolo cried. "How did Cell return to Earth?"

"I'm on it, dude!" Dende said. He then used his Super Kami Powers to fix the Cell Games Arena, then instantly moved everyone there.

"_Now_ you guys can continue the Cell Games!" Dende said.

"Dende, you idiot!" Piccolo said. "You were supposed to get rid of Cell, not encourage his reign of terror!"

"Sheesh, no matter what I do, you say it's wrong," Dende said. He went back to playing videogames.

* * *

"Oh, now _this_ is more like it!" the announcer said. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! The Cell Games, Part 2, are about to begin!"

"Games!" the other announcer said. "I love games! What are we playing?"

"The first game is football, and the next game is pattycake, and the third game is basketball, and—"

"Uh, no," Hercule said. "The only sport we'll see here is martial arts."

"Great!" the announcer said. "Hercule, seeing as you're the reigning champion and only person ever to defeat Cell, will you go first?"

"What? Me go first? ARE YOU CRAZY?" Hercule shouted. "Uh...I mean, HA HA HA HA HA! _I'm the strongest man in the universe! _If I went first, nobody else would have a chance to fight! That wouldn't be fair now, would it?"

"Hmmmm, I guess not," the announcer said.

"So right now, I'm going to let my buddy Goku fight Cell," Hercule said, pointing to the center of the arena. "He's the co-champion of the World Martial Arts Tournament, so he should be able to put up a good fight."

In the arena's center, Goku was looking around, confused. "Huh? Where are we?" he asked.

*BAM!*

Cell sucker-punched Goku in the back of the head, and Goku was immediately knocked unconscious.

"Woah, that was quick!" the announcer said. "Okay, Hercule, you're up next!"

"Uh, huh, I meant _THE GOLD FIGHTER!_" Hercule said. "Yeah, I'll let _him_ beat Cell! I mean, fight Cell! Because no one but me can actually _beat_ Cell! I'm the strongest fighter in the world, after all!"

* * *

"Cell killed Dad!" Goten screamed. "NOOOOO!"

"Wait, that guy is your _father?_" Erasa asked.

"He's both of our fathers," Gohan said.

"But that was Goku Son!" Erasa said. "He won the tournament yesterday, and—ohmygosh!"

_Uh oh..._ Gohan thought.

"Goku is Gohan's Father!" Erasa said, thinking hard. "He can't be the father of Gohan _and_ the Gold Fighter, unless..."

_There goes my secret identity!_ Gohan thought.

"Goku had an affair with another woman!" Erasa said. "Oh, wow, I didn't think he was the kind of guy to have an affair and get the woman pregnant...twice!"

Gohan wasn't sure whether to be glad his secret identity was safe, or upset that Erasa had turned his family history into a soap opera plotline.

* * *

And speaking of soap operas...

"CELLLLLLL!" a voice screamed.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Who?"

A black-and-blue blur appeared on the horizon, and within seconds, you could easily see that it was Vegeta, flying towards Cell at full speed.

"I was _trying_ to watch my soap opera, when a special news bulletin about you interrupted the show!" Vegeta screamed. "You'll pay for that, you green bug!"

Cell grinned. "Oh, Vegeta, I think not. Why don't you go...sit in time out for a while? I have a loud-mouthed buffoon to kill."

Cell grabbed Vegeta by the leg and threw him inside the purple energy cube with Gohan, Goten and Erasa. He then walked towards the announcers and the TV camera.

"So, Hercule!" Cell said loudly. "I hear you've been lying to everyone for the past seven years, saying that you killed me!"

Hercule's jaw dropped.

"Ha ha ha!" Cell laughed. "You accuse my fighting skills of being nothing but a bunch of tricks, and yet _you_ pulled the biggest trick of all! You managed to fool the people of this planet into thinking you saved them from destruction!"

"I...I..."

"The truth is that he's a pathetic fighter," Cell said. "I beat him with one hit in the first Cell Games, but this time, I'll make him suffer."

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Hercule begged. "Please don't hurt me! Please don't! Please—UGH!"

Cell picked up Hercule by his hair and flicked his forefinger at Hercule's face. Hercule immediately developed a black eye.

Cell flicked another finger and broke Hercule's nose.

Cell flicked a third finger and gave Hercule a second black eye.

Hercule was howling with pain, but the world seemed silent as everyone watched as Hercule's reputation get destroyed in seconds.

"_This_ is the man you all have been worshipping for seven years?" Cell asked. "Pathetic!"

* * *

Vegeta laughed. "Finally, that fool gets what he deserves!"

"It's not funny, Vegeta!" Gohan said.

"Yeah..." Goten said. He was almost ready to cry again. "Mr. Hercules is my...friend..."

"Oh, grow up, you whimpering little coward!" Vegeta said to Goten. "And put on some proper clothes, while you're at it!"

"You're awfully cocky for a guy trapped in a cage," Erasa noted.

"Pah!" Vegeta said. "Cell only _thinks_ he can trap me in here with Kakarott's sons and, wait, who are you?"

"I'm Erasa!" Erasa said.

"...Of course you are," Vegeta said.

"Do you know how to get out of here?" Gohan asked.

"Of course," Vegeta said. The jailers in Other World used the energy cube cage technique on him twice, before he figured out how they did it. "You just need to press all the corners of the cube within ten seconds and it disappears. Simple."

"Awesome!" Erasa said. "Everybody take a corner! We're getting out of here!"

Erasa, Gohan and Goten rushed around the cube, touching the corners while Vegeta muttered about stupid idiots. Soon, all four of them were free.

* * *

Cell was slowly choking the life out of Hercule when Goten kicked him in the back of the head.

Cell growled and threw Hercule away. "How did _you_ escape?" he asked Goten.

Goten tightened his fists. "I'm gonna stop you!" he said. "You hurt people, and that's wrong!"

"Oh, _really?_" Cell asked. "And just how do you intend to do that? I'm three times your size!"

Goten flew at Cell, but Cell quickly attacked, punching Goten on the chin. The small child fell down.

"I will kill your brother and your parents," Cell promised. "I will kill everyone you care about, and then I will kill you."

"No!" Goten screamed. "NOOOOOOO!"

That was when something snapped inside Goten. It was like a key had fallen into place, unlocking the door to the young boy's hidden power.

"_Finally!_" Cell cried. All that time spent provoking Goten had paid off!

Goten's energy level increased at an astounding rate as his hair became larger, and his muscles grew.

"Super Saiyan 2," Cell said. "I've seen that before."

Goten's hair grew even larger, and it folded down his back.

"Super Saiyan 3," Cell said. "I haven't seen that before."

"Oh, you've got to be [bad word] kidding me!" Vegeta screamed. "Kakarott's _other_ spawn has a higher power level than me? _Why do all his children have hidden powers?_"

"I don't know, but Goten isn't stopping there!" Gohan said. He was right; Goten's level kept increasing at a faster and faster rate.

"There's nothing stronger than a Super Saiyan 3," Vegeta said. "The child can't possibly go any higher than—"

That was when Goten hit his maximum power level and became a Super Saiyan 4.

* * *

Now, those of you who have watched _DragonBall GT_ might remember that Super Saiyan 4 involves a Saiyan having his tail and turning into a reddish fur-covered creature. And blutz waves are somehow involved.

Well, to state what everyone already knows, DragonBall GT got it wrong. A Saiyan does _not_ need his or her tail in order to become a Super Saiyan 4.

DragonBall GT was _right_, however, about the fact that whenever Kid Goku turned Super Saiyan 4, he magically became an adult again. The same thing happened to Goten. By turning Super Saiyan 4, he somehow managed to become a full-grown Saiyan adult.

Yes, Goten was an adult, with green eyes and long, flowing blonde hair that reached down to his open shoulders. But something was seriously wrong.

He was a girl.

I guess things got confused, because Goten was wearing a dress at the time he transformed. Or maybe Super Saiyan 4 is a level that is only supposed to be reached by Saiyan females. In any case, Goten was now a fully-grown blond woman, and she bore a distinct resemblance to Vegeta's mother, Queen Vegeta.

"He's a Super Saiyan Four!" Gohan said. "I mean..._she's_ a Super Saiyan Four!"

Vegeta fainted from shock.

* * *

_On Kami's Lookout..._

Dende chuckled like a mad man.

"DENDE!" Piccolo yelled. "Did you just use your Mystic Super Kami Powers for evil?"

"Uh, NO!" Dende said. "I'd _never_ do that!"

* * *

The female Super Saiyan 4, previously known as Goten, squinted at Cell. "Are you ready to fight?" she asked.

"You switched genders!" Cell said. "Is that...is that even possible?"

Goten flew at Cell and punched him in the face. Then she tripped him with her left foot and kicked him with her right.

"What's a gender?" Goten asked.

_Okay, so Goten has transformed into the ultimate fighter_, Cell thought. _She still has the mind of a six-year-old. I can beat her!_

And thus the furious fight began. By "furious", I mean "one-sided". Cell found himself unable to land a single blow on Goten, while Goten dealt heavy damage with her weakest attacks.

* * *

"And we have a _new_ female Gold Fighter!" the announcer said. "This attractive young woman appears to have come out of nowhere!"

"And _I_ managed to find someone to interview!" the other announcer said. "Erasa, what are your thoughts on this situation?"

"I've never seen that girl before," Erasa said. "But I hope she can beat Cell! That monster needs to be stopped!"

"Do you have any ideas on why Cell suddenly reappeared after seven years?" the announcer asked.

"Um...maybe he went on vacation and just got back now?" Erasa asked.

"In any case, the Gold Fighter seems to have the upper hand!" the announcer said. "She's giving Cell a walloping! And if things continue at this rate, Cell will be defeated, and Earth will be saved once again!"

Yes, things looked good for the fate of the universe, and everyone was happy and rejoicing. Everyone except Gohan, who was following the fight between Goten and Cell with great intensity.

[Slow zoom-in on Gohan's face.]

"No," Gohan said. "Something's wrong. Goten isn't going to win."

[Play dramatic music here. Slow zoom-out on the scene.]

Narrator: Oh my French fries. We just ended this episode with a dramatic cliffhanger. That's never happened before, in the entire history of this series! Stay tuned for previews from the next episode of—nah, we've got time. Let's wrap this up now.

"What are you _doing?_" Gohan yelled. "Stop playing around and defeat him!"

"Huh?" Goten asked.

"I know you want to stretch things out and make Cell suffer, but trust me, you need to kill him as quickly as possible!" Gohan shouted. "_Don't waste time!_"

Cell began to laugh, loud and long.

"Hrrrr!" Gohan growled.

"Don't you see?" Cell said, pointing to his halo. "Goten can't kill me because I'm already dead. No matter how badly I get injured, I can't be defeated. I'm basically immortal now."

Gohan said a very bad word in response.


	38. Goten Unleashes the Kraken

"Where _are_ they?" Chi-Chi asked. Goku should have found Gohan and Goten, and all three of them should have been home by now! Their food was going to waste!

"They probably stopped to see a movie or something and forgot all about me," Chi-Chi complained, even though that was unlikely. Saiyans rarely skip meals.

Eventually, Chi-Chi got bored and turned on the TV. There was a breaking news report on the Cell Games, complete with a news ticker that read, "Cell Games, Part Two! Cell back with reign of terror! Hercule proven to be fraud! Scientists wonder why the frozen food section at the supermarket contains _hot_ dogs!"

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?" Chi-Chi yelled at the TV.

After a half minute, Chi-Chi figured out most of the details. Cell—or at least, someone who _looked_ like Cell—had appeared and was defeating fighters left and right.

For a moment, Chi-Chi's heart slowed as she worried her missing family members were mixed up in this mess, but the live video footage showed Cell fighting some blonde woman that Chi-Chi had never seen before.

"Obviously, if he's not fighting a _real _fighter, this Cell is a fake," Chi-Chi said.

But then they announced that Hercule was being rushed to the hospital, after a painful defeat to Cell. The photograph that was shown onscreen was particularly gruesome, with blood running down Hercule's face. Chi-Chi frowned.

"I should go to the hospital to check up on him," Chi-Chi said. Not that she cared about him. At all. She just needed to learn what was going on with this new Cell person.

* * *

_At the Cell Games Arena..._

"Yes, that's right!" Cell laughed. "You can't kill someone who's already dead! In other words, there's no way you can stop me!"

"No!" Goten cried. For reasons too complicated to explain, Goten was now an attractive blonde woman. Just re-read the last chapter, in case you're confused.

"I can still Kamehameha you into the sun, just like last time!" Gohan said. "That should stop you!"

"Don't forget, I have Saiyan DNA," Cell said. "And every time a Saiyan is defeated, he becomes stronger! Which means I am now _much_ stronger than I was during the original Cell Games!"

"What?" Goten asked.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Gohan said.

"That's not good!" Erasa said. She didn't know what they were talking about, but she wanted to remind all the story's readers that she was still in this scene.

*BRING!* went Erasa's cell phone. She picked it up.

"Hey, Erasa, it's Sharpener."

"Hey, Sharpener," Erasa said. "This is kind of a bad time. Cell has come back to life, and—"

"Yeah, I know. I'm watching the Cell Games on TV, and I have a question for you. Do you—?"

"Don't worry, I'm okay," Erasa said. "I haven't been hurt at all. And the medical people say that both Videl and her dad will make full recoveries."

"I don't care about them!" Sharpener said. "I want you to get the phone number of the cute blonde chick for me!"

Erasa hung up.

* * *

"So sure, you can fight me with your powerful Super Saiyan 4 form," Cell told Goten. "But that'll just make me stronger."

Goten frowned. "First I'm a girl, now I'm a bad fighter! This is the worst day ever!"

_Hey, Goten! GOTEN!_ A voice in Goten's head said.

_AHHHHH!_ Goten screamed. He wasn't used to hearing voices in his/her head.

_It's me, King Kai! You're looking pretty, well, pretty! What's going on?_

_Um...who are you?_ Goten asked.

_Never mind,_ King Kai sighed. _I'll talk to Gohan._

"That was weird," Goten said.

"What was weird?" Cell asked.

"Your FACE!" Goten said. He started punching Cell with renewed intensity.

_GOHANNNNNN!_

_AUGH!_ Gohan screamed. Believe it or not, his scream was even more feminine than Goten's, which is amazing considering that Goten was a girl.

_Why haven't you told Goten about me? I'm the most awesome person you know!_

_Who are you? Why are you communicating with me?_

_It's me, King Kai!_

Gohan thought for a second. _...The bug guy that Dad met in Other World?_

_THE CATFISH GUY WHO—never mind. I'm here to help you defeat Cell._

_You mean we can defeat him?_

_Sure! All you have to do is knock him unconscious!_

_What?_ Gohan asked.

_Look, didn't you see the episode where Cell and Frieza escaped from Hell, and Pikkon defeated them by knocking them into a fountain?_

_...What?_ Gohan asked.

_It's a security measure! Knock a villain unconscious, and he reappears back in Hell. That way, you don't have to defeat them!_

_...This is a prank, isn't it? Nice try, Krillin._

_I'm not Krillin! I'm King Kai! I'm trying to help save the universe here! Just knock Cell unconscious, and that'll end the fight!_

_Yeah...I don't think that's going to work. Nobody has ever knocked Cell unconscious before._

_It's easier than killing him, right? _King Kai asked. _Look, just use the kaioken to knock him unconscious!_

_The ka-what?_

_The KAIOKEN!_ _Unleash the power of the kaioken!_

_Oh, I get it! You want us to unleash the kraken!_

_...Forget it_, King Kai said. He went back to fuming silently about how bad his life was. Not only was he the only Kai who was dead, and who _still_ didn't have a planet after seven years, but nobody in his own galaxy had even _heard_ of him.

* * *

Chi-Chi went to the hospital, but Hercule wasn't there. After all, Hercule was hurt at the Cell Games Arena, several hundred miles away. They sent him to a hospital closer to there, not the hospital in Hercule City.

Chi-Chi's trip wasn't an entire waste, however. Videl was in Hercule City General.

"Where is she?" Chi-Chi demanded, slamming the receptionist's desk with one hand.

"She's in Room 493," the receptionist said, looking up Videl's information on the computer. "But she just got out of the ER, so she's not allowed any visitors. You—"

The receptionist looked up and saw that Chi-Chi wasn't there anymore. Chi-Chi ran off the instant she heard what room Videl was in.

* * *

"VIDEL! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU—" Chi-Chi yelled, slamming open the door.

Chi-Chi's yells died in her throat when she saw Videl. Videl's head was covered with bandages, stained with dried blood. Chi-Chi's motherly instincts immediately kicked in, and she had the sudden urge to give Videl a hug.

Videl was lying in bed sleeping, but of course, she woke up when Chi-Chi yelled.

"Chi-Chi?" Videl asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh..."

"Where is here?" Videl asked, looking around. She rubbed her aching head. "Is this a hospital? How did I—?"

Videl gasped. Head pain, memory loss, hospital room...she knew those symptoms.

"I had a concussion, didn't I?" Videl asked. "Don't tell me some criminal I was fighting managed to get the better of me!"

"Well, I..." Chi-Chi said. She walked closer to the hospital bed and sat down in a nearby chair. "I don't know how you were injured. I didn't even know you _were_ injured. I was looking for your father."

Videl closed her eyes. "So...my _dad _was injured?" she asked.

"I'm not exactly sure," Chi-Chi said. She patted Videl softly. "Why don't you forget about it for now and try to get some rest?"

"I'm not a little girl!" Videl said, offended. "Tell me what happened! I can take it! And why are _you_ here, instead of Gohan? You hate me!"

"I don't hate you," Chi-Chi said. "I just...hmmmph." Chi-Chi crossed your arms. "My issue is with your father, not you. You're a very...strong young woman. I appreciate that."

Videl blinked and rubbed her head. This was such a weird situation. She was in the hospital, being comforted by her boyfriend's mother.

"Uh...thanks, I guess?" Videl said.

"You're welcome," Chi-Chi said, kindly. "Now get some rest."

"Uh...sure," Videl said. She closed her eyes and laid back down on her bed. "One more question, though. Where _is_ Gohan? And my parents?"

"I wish I knew," Chi-Chi said, already starting to plan the harsh scolding she would give those people when they finally showed up.

* * *

Videl's mother was actually in jail at the moment. She tried rushing to the hospital to see Hercule, but she got pulled over for speeding.

Her driver's license was expired, because she hadn't gotten a new one since coming back to life. And because the DMV files had her listed as "deceased", the officer arrested her on the charge of driving with a fake license.

It was a long time before she was able to get back home.

* * *

Erasa tugged on Gohan's arm. "So, um, Gold Fighter. Is your sister going to win this fight?" she asked.

"I don't know," Gohan said. Goten wasn't exactly _losing_, but he definitely wasn't winning. It was mainly because he was unused to his new body. I mean, he was now twice as tall, and he had switched genders. That takes some getting used to.

"You can win if she loses, though, right?" Erasa asked.

"I'm not sure..." Gohan said. His eyes drooped.

"Oh, cheer up!" Erasa said. "At least we have each other!"

"Uh...sure," Gohan said.

Erasa twined her fingers around his. "I mean, you're a famous superhero...and a super hunk...and we...we..."

Gohan figured out what Erasa was going to do exactly .06 seconds before she kissed him. "AUGH!" he screamed, jumping backwards. "I have a girlfriend! I have a girlfriend! She'll kill me if I kissed you!"

"You _do?_" Erasa asked. "Shoot. Why do all the good boys have girlfriends? The only guys who like me are pervos like Sharpener and that Dende guy."

"Um...I'm sorry?" Gohan asked.

"I mean, even _Videl_ gets a boyfriend before me, and she's not even interested in dating!" Erasa ranted. "That's so unfair! I deserve a boyfriend way more than she does!"

"I...I..." Gohan cleared his throat and talked in his deep superhero voice. "Miss Videl is my crime-fighting assistant. I must insist that you do not speak ill of her in front of me."

"Oh no, not you too!" Erasa said. "You think she's prettier than me, don't you? _Don't you?_"

Gohan almost choked. _Are all girls this weird?_ He wondered. _I'd rather fight Cell than talk to Erasa right now!_

* * *

"And the Gold Girl has Cell in a chokehold! No! Cell is free! Oh! He hit the Gold Girl from behind!" the announcer said. "Now that's just not fair! Who would—oh?"

The cameraman was waving his left arm wildly. The announcer nodded, understanding the symbol.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick commercial break. Don't go anywhere!"

"And cut!" the cameraman said, letting down his camera.

"Hey, stop fighting!" the cameraman told Cell and Goten. "We're on commercial break!"

"What?" Cell asked.

"Aw, I hate commercials!" Goten said.

"What's a commercial?" Cell asked.

"It means everyone takes a five minute break," the announcer said.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever—" Cell started to say, when he noticed that Goten was taking his break by sleeping.

Cell growled. Why did everyone on this planet seem to be made to annoy him?

Gohan woke up his brother before the break was over. "Hey," Gohan said. "How's it going?"

"BAD!" Goten said. "I can't fight like a girl! I don't even know how girls fight!"

"I'm not sure how girls fight, either," Gohan said. "They're probably more aerodynamic, but this would have to be counter-balanced by a loss of velocity and—"

"Whaaaaaaaa?" Goten asked.

"Just try fighting like Mom does," Gohan suggested. "She's a girl, right? And she's a good fighter, too. Pretend you're Mom."

"Okay," Goten said. Goten closed his eyes and focused.

"CELL!" Goten yelled. "I didn't give you permission to leave your room! That's it! No more TV for _YOU_, Young Man! And no playing with Trunks, either!"

"What the—?"

Goten rounded on Cell and started smacking him around. "And NO DINNER! You eat too much anyway! Don't you want to grow up and be a scholar like your brother?"

At this point, Cell was getting sick of all the nonsense on Earth, and he decided to cut things short. He used Frieza's finishing move on Goten to kill him quickly, and...no wait, that's not what happened. The attack merely bounced off of Goten's body.

Cell's eyes widened as he cried out in fear. The look on Goten's face was terrifying. He almost looked like a Super Saiyan version of Chi-Chi. His hands started circling around, to the right of his body, his fingers moving up and down, as if they were dancing on an invisible guitar.

"NO!" Gohan screamed.

"Huh?" Erasa asked. She looked at Gohan. "What's wrong?"

"She's doing..._that_ attack!" Gohan cried.

"What attack?" Erasa asked.

Gohan grabbed Erasa's shoulders and yelled into her face. "THE SINGLE MOST DANGEROUS ATTACK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE ALL DIE!"

"What are you—hey!" Erasa said, because Gohan quickly grabbed her and flew away at top speed. Due to his quick action, they escaped unharmed.

But it was too late for Cell. Goten had used his Mystical Super Saiyan Four powers...

...to summon The Frying Pan of Doom.

For the first time in his life, Cell knew fear.

*CLANG!*

*CLANG!*

*CLUNK!*

Cell dropped down to the ground unconscious. He never caused trouble for Earth ever again.

* * *

"Cell is defeated!" the announcer cried. "The world is safe! Hooray!"

"Hooray!" the world cheered.

"Thank you, Gold Girl!" the announcer said, running up to Goten. "Can you tell us more about yourself?"

"What's your real name?" the other announcer asked.

"My name?" Goten asked. "It's, uh...it's a secret."

"How did you learn to fight?"

"That's...a secret, too?"

"WHY SO MANY SECRETS?" the announcers yelled.

"Augh!" Goten said. "Don't yell! I can't tell you because Mom will get mad and...and..."

Goten burst into tears, like any other six-year-old boy might do in the same situation. "I don't know what's going on! Suddenly I'm a grownup, and I don't know how to go back to normal, and _I have to go to the bathroom but I don't know how!_"

And that was when the TV networks officially pulled the plug on the live broadcast of the Cell Games, Part Two.

* * *

"Here we are," Gohan said, landing in front of Erasa's house and setting her down. "You can go home now."

"Thanks, Gold Fighter," Erasa said. "It's been a weird night."

"Heh heh, hasn't it?" Gohan asked. "Well, goodbye!"

"WAIT!" Erasa cried. "You...how did you know where I live? I didn't tell you that."

"Uh..."

"Do I _know_ you?" she asked. "Like, your secret identity?"

"Aaaaa!" Gohan said, his mouth opening wide.

"Ooo, say something!" Erasa said. "I'm going to try to recognize your voice this time, 'kay? Go!"

"I've...never...seen you before today!" Gohan said, in his deep superhero voice. It would have been more convincing if his voice didn't crack twice. "Goodbye, Miss Erasa!"

"Oh, I totally know him," Erasa said. She wasn't sure where she knew him from, but he was _definitely_ familiar somehow. Maybe if she figured it out, she could blackmail him and get him to dump his girlfriend! And then he'd date her instead! A superhero boyfriend would be so cool that even _Videl_ would be jealous!

* * *

**Author's Note: **Random-ish question. Cell came from an alternate timeline where Future Trunks killed Androids 17 and 18. That's why Cell had to travel to another timeline to find the androids.

Also in that timeline, Cell kills Future Trunks to get access to the time machine. Why did Cell kill Future Trunks outright, instead of absorbing him? After all, that Future Trunks was stronger than Androids 17 and 18. It would have been a huge boost to Cell's power level if he sucked up Future Trunks.

Anyway, I think this story is coming to a close, as I'm running out of ideas. I'll just try to wrap up the few plotlines I have left, and then Gohan and Videl can live happily ever after.


	39. Erasa Plays Detective

Goten flew home after the fight with Cell. Partially because Goten turned Super Saiyan 4, but mostly because Dende thought it would be a good prank, Goten was now a fully-grown woman. This scared him much more than Cell did, and the six-year-old was now panicked that he would stay this way forever.

"Mommy!" Goten cried, slamming on the front door. "MOMMY!"

Chi-Chi opened the door and froze at the sight of the strange blonde woman. "Who are you?" she asked.

"Mommy!" Goten said happily. "It's me!"

Chi-Chi slammed the door in his face. "Leave our house _NOW_, or I'll call the police!"

"No, it's me, Goten!" Goten said. "I'm a girl, and I don't know how to get back to normal! Help!"

Chi-Chi bit her upper lip as she thought for a second. Videl was in the hospital, so the police probably wouldn't be able to arrest the lunatic. Calling them wouldn't do any good. Chi-Chi would have to take care of this weirdo herself.

Chi-Chi opened the front door again. "I don't know why you're here, but please go away," she said.

"But it's me, Goten!" Goten said. "Don't you remember me?"

"Goten is a _boy_," Chi-Chi said. "And you're about three times as old as him!"

"But it _is_ me!' Goten insisted. "I just was in a fight, and I got hidden powers, and I turned this way, and I don't know why, and I feel weird, and Trunks is gonna make fun of me, and...and...AAAAAAAAAAA!"

Goten burst into tears.

_Wow, this woman is __nuts!_ Chi-Chi thought. _For her sake, I'll make this quick._

"Okay, I'll help you," Chi-Chi said.

"You know how to turn me back?" Goten asked.

"Sure," Chi-Chi lied. "Just turn around and close your eyes."

"Okay," Goten said. He did as he was told. "Is this going to make me—?"

Chi-Chi karate-chopped Goten in the back of the neck, resulting in instant unconsciousness. Like all Super Saiyans who have been knocked out, he reverted back to his normal form.

"Gawah!" Chi-Chi blurted out. It _was _Goten! How was he...okay, that was weird. Chi-Chi picked up her young child, and took him inside.

She carried Goten to his room, and took off the tattered Cinderella dress he was wearing. (Blue really wasn't his color, anyway.) That was when Chi-Chi made an, erm, unfortunate discovery.

_"He's still a girl?"_ Chi-Chi yelled.

* * *

Videl was trying to sleep when a voice penetrated her darkness.

"Videl? Are you awake?"

"Gohan?" Videl asked. Her eyes opened, and she sat up, but no one was in the hospital room.

"Oh, great, I'm hearing things," Videl said. "That head injury must have been _serious_."

"Head injury?" Gohan asked.

"Augh!" Videl said. "Gohan, where are you? I don't see you anywhere."

"I'm calling your cell phone. The one on your watch?"

Oh. Duh. That made sense.

"The nurse said you aren't allowed any visitors, but I wanted to make sure you were okay," Gohan continued.

"I'm fine, but nobody is telling me what happened," Videl said. "How did I get hurt? Was I in a fight?"

"You don't remember?" Gohan asked.

"No!" Videl said. "I think I got a concussion or something like that."

"I'm really sorry," Gohan said. "I should have been there to protect you."

"I don't _need_ protection from anyone," Videl said. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I'm perfectly safe."

_Except for the whole waking up in the hospital with a concussion thing,_ Videl thought.

"If you say so..." Gohan said. He rubbed his neck nervously. He really would have liked it if he could fight all the criminals from now on, just so Videl wouldn't get hurt, but he knew if he pushed this issue, Videl would just get mad at him. "You really don't remember anything? Not even Goten?"

"Of course I remember Goten," Videl said. "He's your brother."

"No, I mean, do you remember what happened with him today," Gohan said.

Videl thought hard, but she only came up with a few scrambled images of a giant monkey, detention and old photos. Nothing was concrete.

"No, I don't remember seeing him today," she said.

"You don't?" Gohan asked. "Not even that he wore a dress?"

"Goten wore a dress today?" Videl asked. "Is this a joke?"

"No, it was one of your dresses," Gohan said. "He says he's really—"

"Goten was cross-dressing in _my_ clothes?" Videl shrieked. "That little pervert! I oughta—no, no. That does it, Gohan. You are going to tell me everything that happened tonight, starting from the beginning."

"Oh no, oh boy," Gohan said. "You—I—this is—you should get some rest, Videl."

"I don't want to get some rest!" Videl said. "I want answers! What the heck happened?"

"It's a long story," Gohan said. "And it's probably going to upset you, because you get upset at almost everythi—oops."

"Gohan!" Videl yelled. "You jerk! I do _not_ get upset about everything!"

"Oh...oh..." Gohan whined. This was bad. This was _very _bad. "I'm sorry?"

"You are the worst boyfriend ever!" Videl said. "I mean, I'm in a hospital, for God's sake. The last thing you should be doing is badmouthing me to my face and keeping secrets and—"

"You're absolutely right," Gohan said quickly. "You're in a hospital, and you need your rest. I shouldn't have disturbed you. Goodbye!"

"GOHA—" Videl shouted as Gohan hung up.

"Phew!" Gohan said. "That went...horribly."

Videl looked in shock at her watch. Did Gohan _really_ just hang up on her?

She frowned. Videl liked it when Gohan stood up to his mother. She did _not_ like it when Gohan stood up to her.

* * *

The following day was beautiful, as if nature itself was trying to make up for the horrible events of the previous day. The birds in the meadow chirped merrily as they flew against the sky. The dinosaurs who lived outside Goku's house—dinosaurs which are somehow _not_ extinct—were busy hunting for food, playing guitar, or doing whatever it is that dinosaurs do. The fish in the river, who were normally very grumpy because they're sick and tired of swimming all the time, splashed along the streams with renewed vigor.

Gohan would have said it was all very lovely, just like Videl's cerulean eyes.

Then the author looked up the word "cerulean", because he wasn't sure what it means. It turned out that "cerulean" refers to at least four different shades of blue, which is not very helpful when you're trying to be artistic and describe what things look like.

Of course, now that Gohan lived in the city, he didn't get to see all the lovely sights of nature when he left his house. He didn't get to see the cerulean birds, or the cerulean dinosaurs, or the cerulean fish in the cerulean stream.

(Those were all four different kinds of cerulean, by the way. Just in case you were wondering.)

But even though he wasn't in the wilderness anymore, Gohan still lifted his head up to the clouds and enjoyed the view.

"The sky is very cerulean today," Gohan said. Then he smiled. The cerulean reminded him of Videl's eyes.

He hoped she wasn't still mad at him. When she got mad, her lovely cerulean eyes got darker and turned cerulean. And when she got _really_ mad, they turned cerulean. But of course, Gohan preferred it when Videl was happy and her eyes were lighter and filled with joy; when this happened, they turned cerulean.

Gohan took a moment to appreciate the author's use of color, and then he flew off to school.

* * *

Gohan was surprised to find that his friend Erasa was wearing a brown overcoat, maroon undercoat, and a cerulean tweed jacket that day. It was an unusual outfit for her; Erasa usually wore tube tops.

"Hi, Erasa," Gohan said. "What's with the get-up?"

"I'm trying to make myself look smart," Erasa said, rubbing her chin in thoughtful way. "These are smart person clothes! I saw it in a mystery movie with Sherry Homelocks."

"I think you mean Sherlock Holmes," Gohan said. "And Sherlock Holmes never dressed like that."

"She totally did!" Erasa said. "Well, except for the jeans. I was going to wear brown pants, but they didn't match my shoes."

"Um...okay," Gohan said. He didn't understand what she was talking about. "Why are you dressing like Sherlock Holmes, again?"

"Sherry Homelocks!" Erasa said. "And I need to be smart and solve the mystery!"

"What mystery?"

"The Mystery of the Gold Fighter," Erasa said, rubbing her chin in a thoughtful way. "I'm going to figure out his secret identity."

"_S-s-s-s-s-secret identity?_" Gohan asked. This was bad. This was very, very bad.

"I met the Gold Fighter yesterday," Erasa said. "And he was _very_ suspicious around me. I think he knows me in real life."

"Oh, no no no no!" Gohan said. "I'm sure you got the wrong impression! I bet he's never seen you before!"

"I'm gathering together all my clues about the Gold Fighter," Erasa said. "And I'm also making a list of suspects. I bet I'll figure out who he is by the end of the week!"

"You should respect his privacy!" Gohan said. "I mean, if he wants to keep his identity a secret, then shouldn't you respect that?"

"I would, but I know _why_ he keeps his identity a secret," Erasa said, rubbing her chin in a thoughtful way. "It's because he's...an illegitimate child."

"Illegitimate?" Gohan asked.

Erasa looked around to make sure no one was listening, and she leaned in close to Gohan. "I don't want to upset you, but the Gold Fighter said that Goku Son was his father."

Gohan rubbed his teeth together nervously. He had no idea what to say, but he had to say _something_, so he said the most neutral thing he could think of. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm afraid so," Erasa said. "It looks like your dad cheated on your mom at one point in time. The Gold Fighter is your half-brother."

"This—I—wuh," Gohan said. It felt like his brain had exploded. Of all the details for Erasa to pick up on from the previous night, she had to focus on this one!

"But that's not all," Erasa said. "There's a second Gold Fighter. A younger one, a girl."

"Right, I saw that on TV," Gohan lied. His lie was not very convincing, but Erasa was not exactly Sherry Homelocks, so she didn't notice. She was too busy making deductions.

"She's your half-sister," Erasa said, rubbing her chin in a thoughtful manner. "That's why the Gold Fighters want privacy. They don't want anyone to know about their heritage."

"Stop rubbing your chin," Gohan said. "It's bugging me."

Erasa focused her gaze on Gohan. "You know, for someone who just got told he has two new relatives, you seem pretty calm," she said.

"I'M NOT CALM!" Gohan yelled. "I'M HORRIBLY UPSET. But I'm sure you just heard things wrong. My Dad never cheated on my Mom."

Erasa patted Gohan's arm. "It's okay, Gohan," she said. "It'll take a while before you accept it."

"There's nothing to accept!" Gohan said. "The Gold Fighter is _not_ my half-brother!"

"Here's where _you_ come in," Erasa said, ignoring Gohan's protests. "I need you to steal your father's cell phone, so I can go through his list of contacts and figure out who his secret wife is."

"_My dad doesn't have a secret wife!_" Gohan said. "Or a cell phone, for that matter."

"Your dad doesn't have a cell phone?" Erasa gasped. "What kind of weirdo _is_ he?"

"Nobody in our family has one," Gohan said. "Including me."

Erasa fainted.

* * *

In most basic writing courses, they teach you that a good writer will show, not tell. For example, I could say that Gohan went to homeroom. That would be accurate, but totally boring. I need to _show_ that Gohan went to homeroom, through the use of metaphors, images, descriptions, and anything else I can come up with that sounds artistic.

Gohan journeyed through the hallways of his school. The lockers reminded him of the dreariness of an empty existence, while the water fountain reminded him of his loving mother. Fondly smiling at the image of Chi-Chi, Gohan briefly thought that maybe communism doesn't oppress people; people oppress communism.

_Life is cerulean_, Gohan thought.

Stepping across the threshold that separated the hallway from the classroom, Gohan found himself in a mostly empty area. In fact, no one was in the room except Sharpener and the teacher.

Sharpener sighed wistfully, which was surprising, because he doesn't know what "wistfully" means.

"Have you ever been in love, Gohan?" Sharpener asked.

"Well, I think so," Gohan said. "Videl and I are—"

"Videl," Sharpener said. "Is old news. She's like a newspaper, and I'm like the Internet. You know what I'm saying?"

"You're saying you can't get a decent Internet connection in here?" Gohan asked.

"No!" Sharpener said. "I'm sayin' that I love the Gold Fighter Girl."

"Oh," Gohan said, cringing. Was he going to have to talk about the Gold Fighter all day? His secret identity would be ruined by lunchtime.

"She's the most beautiful girl I ever met," Sharpener sighed. "Except for the time I dressed up like a girl, that is. Man, I was a _hot_ babe!"

Gohan decided it would be best not to ask Sharpener why he dressed up like a girl. It ended up being one of the best decisions he made that day.

* * *

"But _why_ can't I go to school?" Goten whined, as his mother dragged him into another store.

"Your school is closed today," Chi-Chi said. "Something about a King Kong attack. Anyway, we need to get you some new dresses."

"I don't _wanna_ wear dresses!" Goten said. His voice was slightly higher-pitched than normal, although this was barely perceptible. "They're stupid!"

"Now, now, Goten, be a good boy—_girl_, and do what your mommy tells you to," Chi-Chi admonished.

"I don't wanna be a girl," Goten sniffled. He felt like crying, but there was nothing he could do about his, uh, _her _new gender. As far as Goten understood things, he became a girl when he lost his tail. That wasn't completely accurate, but it was the best explanation he could come up with.

Needless to say, there was no way that our heroes could know the whole situation was Dende's fault. Goku, Gohan and Chi-Chi stayed up late the previous night, discussing how this could have happened (along with discussing the various other things that happened that day). As far as they could figure, it was just a strange side effect of wearing a dress while turning Super Saiyan 4.

More study was needed, but they had no idea how to get Goten to turn Super Saiyan 4 again. After all, Goten only did it when he tapped into his hidden powers. He couldn't do it whenever he wanted.

Goten rubbed the side of his head, and Chi-Chi slapped his hand away. "You don't want to mess up your new hairdo, do you?" she asked. "You look so much better with your long hair down!"

"I guess," Goten said. She missed her old hairdo. It took too much brushing to get her new hairdo into place, even if it _was_ prettier.

"Oh my gosh!" Chi-Chi gasped suddenly, as she walked down the children's clothing aisle. "They have it!"

"Have what?" Goten asked.

Chi-Chi held up a trembling hand. Her pointer finger was stretched towards what looked like a steel bikini, pink cape and a biker helmet.

"It's the exact same outfit I used to wear when I was your age!" Chi-Chi said. "I'm buying you one right now!"

"AAAAAAAAA!" Goten screamed.

* * *

Gohan frowned as he looked at the empty seat beside him. Without Videl, school seemed more lonely, and a lot less interesting.

"Pay attention!" Erasa snapped. She jabbed her finger at her computer screen, which had an online news story about the World Martial Arts Tournament. "Here's the photo of your dad from two days ago," she said.

"More like _one_ of the photos," Gohan muttered. He could still remember how they had to spend fifteen minutes, posing for photos, before the trophy was finished. Then, they were expected to spend _another_ fifteen minutes, posing for photos with the trophy. He was _glad_ he and Videl left early.

Still, he had to admit that the photo on Erasa's computer was one of the nicer ones. It was a group photo with the various contestants and friends.

"Now, who's that?" Erasa asked.

"That's Yamcha," Gohan said. "He's an old friend of my dad's."

"And who's _that?_" Erasa asked.

"That's #18," Gohan said. "She's married to Krillin. He's the short guy over there. You should meet him. He's really funny, and—"

Erasa interrupted. "And that one's your mom and that one is..."

"That's Bulma Briefs," Gohan said. "She runs Capsule Corp."

"Does she have _blue_ hair?" Erasa asked. "Who on Earth would dye their hair blue?"

"I thought that was her natural hair color," Gohan said.

"Nobody has _blue hair!_" Erasa said. She typed up the names of the various people in the photograph on a separate document. "Anyway, thanks for the help."

"You're welcome," Gohan said automatically. Chi-Chi had drilled good manners into her son. "Why did you need to know everyone's names, anyway?"

"Because they'll help me solve _The Mystery of the Golden Fighters_," Erasa said. "If your dad really _is_ Gold Fighter Father, then the Gold Fighter Mother is probably one of these women who are close to him: your mom, #18 or Bulma Boxers."

"Not Boxers, Briefs!" Gohan said. "And I'm telling you, you're wrong! My dad has never had an affair with another woman! I don't think he even knows what an affair is!"

"Do you?" Erasa asked.

"I...I..." Gohan blushed. "I read about it in Pride and Prejudice. That's when you go out to the garden and you...you...sweet talk."

Gohan was blushing furiously now.

"Okay, that does it," Erasa said. "Once Videl gets back from the hospital, I am putting you and her through Relationships 101 Class. You two have no idea what relationships are like."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone who answered my question about the death of Future Trunks in the timeline that Cell came from. I knew this Trunks killed Androids 17 and 18, but I never suspected he did it by using Dr. Gero's remote. That's so boring! No wonder he was easily killed by Cell.

And now I totally want to write a story about these alternate timelines.

Since you all answered that question so well, here's another question. During the Androids Saga, Future Trunks shows up, and he makes the super-dramatic announcement that Androids 19 and 20 are _not_ the Androids that destroy the future.

Trunks later gets angsty and wonders what changed the timeline so much, that there are so many _new_ androids (Android 16, Android 19, Android 20). It is later revealed that Cell's arrival is what changed the timeline. After all, Cell was there long before Trunks' first arrival.

My question is "Why?". Why did Cell's presence change the timeline so much? He was just living underground as a bug for four years. Why the heck did _that_ change the timeline so drastically? It's not like he ever talked or interacted with anyone.


	40. Videl, Stuck in the Hospital

Chi-Chi was trying to get Girl Goten to try on the outfit that she used to wear during the _DragonBall_ series. If you haven't seen this outfit, it's basically a blue bikini, complete with a cape and a helmet. And it's for little girls.

For some reason, neither Chi-Chi nor the Ox King could see that this outfit was completely inappropriate for a little girl to wear. Heck, I don't think it's appropriate for an _adult_ to wear an outfit like that in public.

Chi-Chi's fashion sense rubbed off on Gohan. That's why the Great Saiayaman outfit has a cape and helmet. But her fashion sense did _not_ rub off on Goten, which is why the small child was refusing to wear the outfit.

"I don't wanna!" Goten said. "It looks awful and all the kids will make fun of me! I want to wear my old _boy_ clothes!"

"You're not a boy anymore, so you're wearing these!" Chi-Chi said.

"No!" Goten said. She rubbed her hair. She wouldn't admit it, but one positive thing came out of turning into her girl: she no longer had Goku's hairstyle. "I just got rid of the spiky hair, and you want me to cover it up with a helmet! It's not fair!"

"Hmmm..." Chi-Chi said. Goten had a point. "All right then, what kind of clothing _do_ you want?"

"Those ones!" Goten said, pointing towards a display. It had white shirts, black biker shorts and green hair ties.

It took Chi-Chi a moment to place that outfit. "Those clothes look like Videl's," she said.

"That's why I want it!" Goten said. "If I have to be a girl, I want to be a cool girl like her!"

"Don't you want to be a cool girl like your mother?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Uh...sure!" Goten said. "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a fighter, just like you and Videl!"

"No, you're going to be a _scholar_," Chi-Chi corrected. "Gohan's probably going to neglect his studies and drop out of high school, now that he has a girlfriend, and he'll become a deadbeat and not move out of the house until he's thirty, and _why does he have to torture me like this? He's not supposed to worry about dating until after he gets his Ph. D.!_"

* * *

"Hey, Gohan, where's your stupid girlfriend?" a rude voice asked.

Gohan looked up from his math book surprised to hear someone talk about Videl that way. He was even more surprised to see it was Angela, a girl who was normally quite nice to him.

"She's in the hospital," Gohan said.

"More like she's hiding in shame," Angela said. She threw her hair over her shoulder in a haughty fashion, and because her hair is so large, it took out two innocent bystanders.

"Why would you say that?" Gohan asked.

"Hmmph," Angela said. "Clueless as usual, eh? I always knew you weren't as smart as you make yourself out to be."

Erasa jumped into the conversation. "What's your damage, Angela?" Erasa asked. "Gohan hasn't done anything to you."

"Of course not," Angela agreed. She kind of liked Gohan—he was definitely crush-worthy in her opinion—but of course, she had no interest in him now that he had a girlfriend, and Angela had a boyfriend of her own. "It's just that I can't believe he's still sticking up for Videl after what happened."

"_What_ happened?" Gohan asked.

"You don't know?" Angela asked. "It was all over the news last night."

"That didn't have anything to do with Videl!" Erasa said.

"It totally does!" Angela said. "And I, for one, won't be satisfied until I get a full explanation from her!"

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Gohan said loudly. He had no idea what the two girls were talking about. Videl's role in the previous night had been a rather small one; she basically got beaten up and tossed aside before the _real_ fighting began.

(This role is sometimes called the "Yamcha" role in DragonBall Z fan circles.)

"Everyone found out that Gold Fighter beat Cell seven years ago," Angela said, in the most serious voice that she could muster.

Gohan scratched his head. Was he supposed to be surprised by this news or not? He didn't know. It would be _so_ much easier if he could just admit that he was there the whole time last night, but of course, that would reveal the Gold Fighter's secret identity.

"I...uh...what does that have to do with Videl?" Gohan asked.

"Nothing," Erasa said.

"Everything!" Angela insisted. "Her father has been lying to the whole world for years, and getting rich off of it! They even named the city after him, because he's supposed to be such a hero! And it turns out that he _didn't_ beat Cell! This is a HUGE deal!"

"I guess I understand your point, but I still don't see what that has to do with Videl," Gohan said.

"Well, aren't they going to repossess her house and everything?" Angela asked.

"_Repossess her house?_" Gohan asked.

"Yeah, they're taking back all the property they gave to Hercule because he's a phony!" Angela said. "And _I _heard that Videl is a pho—"

"But I _live_ on Hercule's property!" Gohan said, referring to a subplot that hasn't been mentioned since Chapter 33 because the author forgot about it until just now. "What's gonna happen to me?"

"You _live_ with Videl?" Angela asked. "Whaaaaat?"

"Yeah, aren't you guys a little young for that?" Erasa asked.

"No, I don't _live_ with her, I just—we live in one of Hercule's guest houses," Gohan said. "He gave it to us for...uh, never mind."

"Oooooo!" Angela said. "Gohan's got a secret!" She jumped up and down. "Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

"There's no secret!" Gohan said. He waved his arms around wildly, and as he continued speaking, his voice got louder and louder, and he started sweating more and more. "Honest! I have no secrets whatsoever, and I _definitely_ don't know anything about the Gold Fighter! I don't know his secret identity, or how he manages to go Super Saiyan and there's nothing suspicious about the fact that my little brother is now a girl! BYE!"

Gohan ran away as quickly as he could and sighed heavily once he was away from the two girls.

"That went well!" Gohan decided. He had been close to telling the truth, but now the girls weren't suspicious of him anymore!

"His little brother is now a _what?_" Angela asked. "I swear, there's something wrong with Gohan!"

"Hmmm..." Erasa said, stroking her chin in a thoughtful manner. _Looks like I'm going to have to solve __**The Mystery of Why Gohan is So Strange!**__ After I solve __**The Mystery of the Gold Fighter**__, of course._

* * *

Gohan decided it would be best if he _didn't_ spend his lunch break at school, where Erasa was on the prowl. Instead, he went to the hospital.

"That way, I can make sure she's okay!" Gohan said. "And I can bring her some homework, so she doesn't get behind in school! I'm sure she's been worrying about that!"

...Because Videl was _totally_ worrying about that.

Gohan went to room 493, where Videl was staying. She was half asleep, but she came out of her trance when Gohan entered the room.

"It's about freaking time!" Videl said. "I've been in here for, like, sixteen hours, and nobody's come to see me except your mother!"

Gohan smiled at the sight of Videl. "I missed you," he said.

"Oh, jeez," Videl said, rolling her eyes. "Spare me the soap opera."

"No, I'm serious!" Gohan said. "School is...it's not the same without you."

Erasa could have told Gohan that he was experiencing Clingy Boyfriend Syndrome, a common disease among first-time boyfriends. It usually happens when a boy isn't sure what being in a real relationship is like. All he has to go on is what he's seen on TV and in the movies—or in Gohan's case, what he found out when he looked up "girlfriend" in the dictionary—so he comes to the mistaken conclusion that he has to spend every single moment of every single day with his girlfriend.

If left untreated, Clingy Boyfriend Syndrome can result in smothering, stalker behaviors, and even romantic breakup. Please consult your doctor if you think someone you know has Clingy Boyfriend Syndrome. Thank you.

"Well, I'm still mad at you," Videl said. "And I will continue to be mad until you tell me about everything that happened yesterday."

"You really don't remember?" Gohan asked.

Videl frowned. She could remember random things from the previous day, like the fact that she was baby-sitting Goten after school, but she couldn't put all the pieces together to form a coherent picture. There was something about...green bugs?

"I want to hear it from you," Videl said.

Gohan sat down in the chair next to Videl's bed. "I wasn't there the whole time, so I can't tell you everything," he said. "Actually, I didn't know anything was wrong until Dad contacted me."

"What was wrong?"

"You and Goten were kidnapped," Gohan said. "By Cell."

"Cell? As in _Cell_ Cell? The evil green bug with the British accent?"

"He doesn't have a British accent," Gohan said.

"Feh, close enough," Videl said. She tried to wave her hand dismissively, but a bolt of pain shot through her arm, and she decided to forego all hand gestures for the moment. "How did Cell kidnap me? He's dead! Dad killed hi—I mean, you killed him, remember?"

"We don't know how it happened," Gohan said.

"Okay, then _why_ did he kidnap me?" Videl asked.

"We don't know that either," Gohan said.

"Do you guys know _anything?_"

"Not really," Gohan said. "I tried asking Dende, the Guardian of Earth, but he doesn't know how it happened either."

Videl sighed and leaned backwards. Gohan was making no sense at all. "What's a Guardian of Earth?" she asked.

"That's the job my friend Dende has," Gohan said. "The Guardian of Earth watches everyone on the planet at all times."

"Wait, you're saying there's some crazy alien dude watching us right now?" Videl asked.

"He's always watching you, at every moment of every day," Gohan said.

"Pervert." Videl said. "Stalker. Evil version of Santa."

"He's also in charge of the dragon balls," Gohan said. Although, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure how the Guardian of Earth "takes care" of the dragon balls. He basically sits around and does nothing while _other_ people gather the dragon balls and make wishes.

"Well, whoop de doo for him," Videl said. "So what happened after I got kidnapped by Cell?"

"Apparently he beat you up really badly," Gohan said. "That's why you're in the hospital."

"And where were _you_ when I was beaten up by the undead monster?" Videl asked.

"I was delivering pizza," Gohan said.

"Ugh," Videl said, closing her eyes. "This is the stupidest—"

Someone knocked on the door. "Doctor here! Doctorrrrrr!" the person shouted loudly.

"Come in," Gohan said.

The doctor came inside. He was very strange-looking, with crazy white hair all over the place. Next to Gohan, however, the doctor looked quite normal.

"I'm Doctor Wormenshauschen-meyer-kleimstein," the doctor said, making up a name on the spot. "I'm here to check your medical sheets."

"You're not my doctor," Videl said.

"I'm new here," the doctor said, picking up the clipboard at the base of Videl's bed and going through the papers. The doctor tsked. "Oh, my! You are very sick! It looks like you will be here for two more weeks!"

"TWO WEEKS?" Videl shouted.

"Hmmm, let's make that _three_, just to be safe," the doctor said, scribbling on her papers. "We wouldn't want the town's nosy—I mean, famous superhero at anything less than 100%! Enjoy your stay here at the hospital!"

The doctor ran away as quickly as possible. He almost looked like he was dancing, not running. It was very odd, but Gohan didn't have time to think about it, as Videl was currently cursing loudly.

"I can't be stuck here for two weeks! I hate this place! No one comes to visit me, and everyone here is dying!" Videl said. "Where's my dad? Why hasn't he called yet?"

"Your dad is...he was involved in last night's events," Gohan said.

"Of coursehe was," Videl said.

"And Cell broke his nose."

"Of course he—what?"

"And gave him two black eyes, and there was blood all over and—"

Videl shuddered. "You're not serious, right? Dad can't be hurt. He's the World Champion of Martial Arts. No one can touch him, except one of you space alien weirdoes."

"I'm not a weirdo!" Gohan said.

"Whatever, the point is that my dad's perfectly fine," Videl said. "I'm sure this is all some crazy mistake, and nothing bad has happened. After all, Cell's been dead for years."

"Videl, do you really think that whoever put you in the hospital isn't strong enough to kill your father?" Gohan asked, trying to be logical.

"KILL?" Videl shouted.

"I meant hurt!" Gohan said.

"You said KILL!" Videl said. "My dad is _dead?_"

"He's not dead!" Gohan said. "...Not that I've heard of, anyway. I was just trying to say that, given premise A—Videl is stronger than Hercule—and Premise B—Cell is stronger than Videl—then we can conclude—"

"This isn't math class!" Videl shouted. "Now where's my dad?"

"I don't know!" Gohan said. "The hospital, somewhere?"

"You are the most useless boyfriend ever," Videl muttered. Seriously, first the World Martial Arts Tournament fiasco, then this. If _every_ day spent dating Gohan was going to involve some kind of crazy misadventure, Videl was going to have to break up with him. Or break his legs. _Some_ kind of breaking is going to be involved.

Frowning, Videl started flapping her arm around in a wild fashion while groping at it with her other arm.

"What are you doing?" Gohan asked.

"Getting my watch...there," Videl said, taking off her watch. It wasn't easy to do that one-handed, you know. "Time to call in a few favors," she said, pressing the buttons to connect her to the Chief of Police.

"Videl!" the chief said. "I've been waiting to hear from you! We need to get your statement about last night."

"Er, right, my statement," Videl said. "I'll be happy to give it to you, once I'm out of the hospital. But first, I need a favor."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Could you tell me where my father is? He hasn't called or stopped by to see me, and I'm getting kind of worried."

"Sure thing. In the meantime, there's an emergency situation we'd like you to take care of."

"What is it?" Videl asked.

"Someone is stuck in a tree, and they need your help to get down."

"...That's not really an emergency," Videl said.

"Yes, well, we figured you'd be best for the job because you can fly," the Chief of Police said. "Plus, it's right at your school."

Videl glanced at Gohan. "I'll make sure it gets done soon," she told the Chief of Police.

"Great!" the chief said. "I'll have someone here track down your father. He needs to give his statement about last night, too."

"Thanks," Videl said. "Talk to you soon, Chief."

* * *

So it was that Gohan flew back to school, disguised as the Gold Fighter. It was easier for Gohan to leave the hospital than it was to stay there with Videl, seeing as she was in one of her moods. One of her Videl moods. One of the "I'm grumpy and no matter what you say, you're wrong" moods.

Okay, so Gohan didn't really leave the hospital room. Videl kicked him out for being obscure and stupid, and she swore that she wouldn't kiss him for a whole week as punishment, even though he _so_ wasn't even going to ask her for kisses anyway. Kissing still made him feel uncomfortable. He liked Videl—or at least, he was 84% sure he liked her—but there had to be a less awkward way to show it.

Gohan flew to the big tree at Orange Star High School. There's a big tree at Orange Star High, right? I'm about 84% sure there's one there. Gohan flew to that tree, and adopted his best superhero voice.

"Never fear! The Gold Fighter is here to...Erasa?"

"You remembered me!" Erasa said, clapping her hands. "Now help me get down from the tree!"

"How did you get stuck up here?" Gohan asked. He flew around behind Erasa, so his shoulders were at her chest height. "Fall backwards, I've got you," he said.

"Okay!" Erasa said. She fell backwards, and Gohan caught her in his arms.

"Oh, thank you! THANK YOU!" Erasa said, with exaggerated happiness. "You're so brave!"

"Just doing my—hey!"

Erasa squirmed around, trying to kiss her hero, the Gold Fighter. Have you ever tried to fly, while carrying someone who is squirming around? It's not so easy. Gohan juggled Erasa in his arms for a bit, before almost dropping her. She screamed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"_Don't drop me!_" Erasa said.

"Then stop moving!" Gohan said, slowly flying down to the ground. He wrapped his arms around Erasa's waist, almost like they were slow-dancing. (Not that Gohan had ever done any sort of dancing, slow or otherwise, with a girl before.) The two of them touched down on the ground, and Gohan let go of his classmate.

"You're safe now," he said.

Erasa thrust her head forward and placed her lips on Gohan's. As she moved her lips against his, three words went through our hero's head: "What", "No!" and "Oh...".

_She's much better at this than Videl is..._ Gohan thought, closing his eyes in pleasure. Then his eyes snapped open. _Videl! Oh no!_

Gohan pulled back. "Erasa, I..."

"That was amazing," Erasa said, a little surprised at how good kissing the Gold Fighter was. (To be fair, though, the quality of the kiss had more to do with Gohan being a Super Saiyan at the time than it did with Gohan's kissing abilities). "Thanks."

"Anytime," Gohan said. "Augh! I mean, I can _save_ you anytime! Not kiss you because I...I..."

"You have a girlfriend," Erasa finished.

"What girlfriend?" Gohan asked.

"That's more like it!" Erasa said, clapping her hands together in front of her and trying to look sweet. "So we'll go out tomorrow?"

"NO!" Gohan said. "I have to go!"

He flew off as quickly as possible, and the small crowd that had gathered to watch the scene dispersed. In fact, only one of the students stayed behind to talk to Erasa.

"Erasa!" Sharpener said. "I can't believe you did that!"

Erasa grinned smartly. "Ha, kissing the Gold Fighter was my plan from the beginning," she said. "Guys are way more stupid—"

"Not that!" Sharpener said. "I can't believe you talked to the Gold Fighter, and you didn't get his phone number for me!"

"Why do you want his phone number?" Erasa asked.

"So I can call his super-hot sister!" Sharpener said. "Duh!"

"If you want to get noticed by the Gold Fighter, you'll have to do what I did," Erasa said. "Create a fake emergency. Why do you _think_ I got stuck in the tree and called the police? It was so Mr. Superhero could come along and save the day!"

"Hmmm..." Sharpener said. That was good advice...if he broke the law, he'd be _sure_ to meet the Gold Fighter Girl!

Erasa squeed. "This is so exciting! I'm going to have the best guy in town for my boyfriend! And the best part is, I've got it all on tape!"

* * *

Erasa _did_ have the whole thing on tape. She immediately posted the video footage of her kissing the Gold Fighter on the Internet, and she sent it to all of her friends.

...Including Videl.

This left Videl with a difficult decision to make. Who should she kill first: Gohan or Erasa?


	41. Problems with Kissing

In the mall, two women were having a conversation.

"So how's the teaching been going, Jenny?" the one woman asked.

"It's been great so far!" the other woman said. "All except for, you know, that student I told you about."

"The...Goat Kid?"

"Yes, Goten!" Miss Brown said. "He's the nicest boy ever, and he's _so_ friendly, but there's just something...off about him."

"Oh, come on," the one woman laughed. "How can anything be 'off' with a six-year-old?"

"You don't understand! All sorts of horrible things happened once Goten appeared in our school!" Miss Brown said. "First, he beat up half of the student body! Then, he accidentally got us stuck on the school roof! He destroyed the cafeteria in some sort of food rage, and I swear I saw him shoot lights out of his hands! And he got himself glued to the ceiling, and I just _know _he's the one who broke all the chairs in the school! I just can't prove anything!"

"Okay, I think you're getting a bit obsessive," the one woman said. "One boy can't do _all_ of those things."

"_Plus_, yesterday he turned into a twenty-foot gorilla and kidnapped me."

"You're joking."

"NO! There's something seriously wrong with that boy! I don't know why things are so strange with him around!"

"He can't be—"

Meanwhile, Chi-Chi and Goten were walking through the mall, buying Goten a lot of new clothes, because he was now a girl and needed a new wardrobe to match.

"Isn't that your teacher?" Chi-Chi asked.

"Hey, wow, it is!" Goten said. "MISS BROWN! Miss Brown!"

Goten ran over and hugged his teacher's leg.

"Hello, little girl," Miss Brown said. "Do I know you?"

"It's me, Goten!" Goten said.

Miss Brown laughed. "Goten is a boy," she said. "Do you know him?"

"I'm Goten!" Goten insisted.

By this time, Chi-Chi had come over. "Hello, Miss Brown," Chi-Chi said.

"Call me Jenny," Miss Brown said. She did, of course, know Chi-Chi (and all the kindergarteners' parents) from when Chi-Chi came to pick up Goten from school, on the days that Gohan didn't do it.

"Tell her I'm me," Goten said stubbornly.

"What?" Chi-Chi asked.

"This girl must be with you," Miss Brown said. "She appears to know Goten. Is she one of your relatives?"

"Uh..." Chi-Chi said.

"She sort of looks like you," Miss Brown said.

"There's a definitely family resemblance," Miss Brown's friend said.

Chi-Chi rubbed the back of her neck with her hand, a gesture she had picked up from her husband. "Actually, this _is_ Goten!" she said, laughing awkwardly. "Goten just had a...sex change operation. They perform them on six-year-olds now!"

"_Do you see what I mean?"_ Miss Brown yelled at her companion. _"My life is utter madness now!"_

* * *

Meanwhile, at Orange Star High School, major drama was happening. Well, okay, maybe it wasn't _major_ drama, but it was drama nonetheless.

You see, Erasa had developed a crush on the Gold Figher, without realizing that he is really Gohan. She kissed her flying hero, in a bold attempt to win his affections. Now Gohan was having some _serious_ problems, trying to sort out his feelings.

Which is why, after lunch, Gohan stumbled into class like a zombie.

"Hi, Gohan!" Erasa said cheerfully. "It's a _WONDERFUL DAY_, isn't it?"

The word bounced around in Gohan's head. Wonderful. Wonderful. The only thing that he thought was wonderful was the kiss with Erasa and—oh no. Oh no. Not that. Change the subject, quick!

"Where...where is Sharpener?" Gohan asked.

"He left to do something stupid," Erasa said. "But guess what? I have a new _BOYFRIEND!_ He's super cute, and he—"

Gohan's legs gave way, and he fell into his seat. "Oh no. Oh no," Gohan said.

Now, Erasa isn't the smartest girl ever,but she was still able to tell that something was seriously wrong with Gohan.

"Gohey?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

Gohan just stared, dully. He wasn't sure whether to cry or yell or what. It felt like someone turned off his brain.

"Hmmm," Erasa said. "You just visited Videl in the hospital, right? Did something bad happen to her?"

"No," Gohan said. "She's...she's...she'll be fine in a few weeks."

"Then what's wrong?" Erasa asked.

"Nothing," Gohan said.

"You can't fool me, Gohey," Erasa said. "Something's up. You're acting super weird."

"I'm...I'm fine," Gohan said. "It's just...Videl...no, no."

"No _what?_"

"Never mind."

Erasa rolled her eyes. _This _conversation was going nowhere fast. Clearly, the author of this story needed to work on his dialogue. "Look, I know that Videl is your first girlfriend," Erasa said, "but it's normal for relations to be a little bumpy. And knowing Videl, I'd be surprised if she didn't get mad once—"

"Morbum," Gohan mumbled.

"What?"

"More than bumpy," Gohan said. He shook his head. "Videl's gonna kill me if she finds out."

"I see," Erasa said. She was still sort of in Detective Mode, so she decided to analyze the situation logically.

_Since he's __**obviously**__not going to tell me what's wrong, I'll have to figure it out myself, _Erasa thought_. Let's see...something really bad happened, and he's still in shock. It must have happened during lunch because he was happy earlier today, and it doesn't have anything to do with Videl, because she'll kill him if she—Oh. Wow._

"You kissed another girl, didn't you?" Erasa asked.

Gohan didn't respond. He just fell forward and smashed his head against his desk.

"Yep," Erasa said. "You've got all the symptoms of Cheating Boyfriend. You're in total shock, you're scared Videl will find out about something, and you didn't even react when I called you 'Gohey' twice."

"I don't want to talk about it," Gohan mumbled into his desk.

Erasa patted Gohan on the back. "Don't worry, I'm sure it will work out fine," she said. "I mean, the fact that you feel bad about it shows that you're a good guy. I dated this guy named Bob once who—"

Erasa discussed Bob, her cheating ex-boyfriend who later realized that he couldn't love _any _girl because he loved himself too much, in some detail. But since Gohan paid no attention to her at all, I don't think we should either. Let's just skip to the end of the story.

"And that's why I'll never wear high heels again," Erasa concluded. "You understand what I mean, right?"

"Sure," Gohan mumbled.

"You're not listening, are you?" Erasa asked.

"Nope," Gohan said. He didn't care what she had to say; she didn't know the whole story, so she wouldn't be able to help. If Gohan was the angry type, he would have blamed Erasa for everything. But really, Gohan blamed himself for being a failure of a boyfriend.

"Fine, then will you at least tell me who the other girl is?" Erasa asked. "The one you kissed?"

Gohan lifted up his head and slowly turned towards Erasa. He gave her a completely blank look, but she reacted as if it was one of Vegeta's scowls.

"Okay, okay," Erasa said, shuddering. "I get it. You're not ready to tell me yet. That's fine. I can handle that."

Gohan said nothing.

"Well, here's _my_ advice," Erasa said. "I think you need some alone time, right now. Don't talk with Videl, or with this other girl. Just spend some time with yourself, to work out your feelings about what happened. We can talk more tomorrow."

"I don't ever want to talk about it," Gohan said, shaking his head.

"You will," Erasa said. "Eventually."

Gohan didn't respond.

* * *

At first, Goten was unhappy about turning into a girl, because he thought they had cooties. But now, after being a girl for half a day, he was pretty psyched.

...I mean, _she_ was pretty psyched.

Being a girl was so cool! As a girl, she could wear interesting clothes, instead of the boring fighting clothes she wore when she was a boy. And girls had prettier hair than boys, and girls were better singers than boys, and only girls had those "hot flash" things his mom had sometimes. Goten didn't know what those were, but they sounded awesome.

Plus, a large woman in the mall told him all about something called feminism, which means that girls are right all the time, because boys are stupid. And boys aren't ever allowed to have an opinion about anything, because the girl is always right. Always, always, always. Because she's a girl.

"Being a girl rocks!" Goten said.

"I'm glad you like it!" Chi-Chi said. "I always wanted to have a daughter..."

Goten skipped along the parking lot. "So where are we going now?"

"I thought we could visit Bulma and Trunks," Chi-Chi said. "And then we could visit Videl in the hospital."

Chi-Chi took a moment to remind herself that they were only going to visit Videl, because Goten wanted to. It wasn't that Chi-Chi was _attached_ to the young girl. No, no, of course not. Videl was the girl that corrupted young Gohan and distracted him from his studies! Who cared that Videl had a fragile, softer side underneath all that tomboy attitude? Not, Chi-Chi, that's who. What did it matter that Videl was a caring, strong young woman who was isolated from normal society due to her father's fame and...

"And if Gohan breaks her heart, I'll kill him!" Chi-Chi vowed.

"Huh?" Goten asked.

"Nothing, dear," Chi-Chi said. "Let's go to Capsule Corp."

* * *

Gohan didn't pay attention at all during class that day. He just sat like a zombie.

He cast a side glance at Erasa. Was she prettier than Videl?

_No, she's not prettier than Videl. And she's not as smart and not as good of a fighter. Videl's definitely the girl for me._

_...But she's so much nicer than Videl and a much better kisser...Maybe I..._

_AUGH!_

_Videl's my girlfriend. She's my girlfriend. She's my girlfriend. She's the one I love, right?_

_I mean, Videl knows all of my secrets, and Erasa doesn't know any. That's because I trust her more than I trust Erasa. And we have a history together, and she's...she's not dead or anything like that!_

_Oh man, this is so difficult! I never liked a girl before, and now I like __**two!**__ What should I do?_

_Maybe I should use the multiform technique! That way, I can have both girls at once._

_...Nah, that's stupid. I just need to explain to Erasa that we can't be together, because I like Videl more than her. That's the right thing to do._

Gohan, of course, knew that sticking by Videl was the right thing to do. He didn't care that Videl wasn't nice all the time, or that Videl wasn't the prettiest girl in school. He liked Videl just the way she was. And really, that was all that mattered to him.

Besides, if it was a choice between breaking up with Videl and breaking up with Erasa, Erasa was definitely the safer bet. Videl would probably send Gohan to the hospital if he broke up with her.

_So it's settled,_ Gohan decided. _I just need to break the news to Erasa as the Gold Fighter, not as Gohan. And I have to do it without having her figure out my secret identity._

_...I'm doomed._

* * *

Bulma was out in the front lawn of Capsule Corp, watching Trunks while checking her email on her phone. Trunks was playing a game where he threw a hula hoop in the air and tried to see how many times he could fly through the ring before it hit the ground.

"Hey, Goten's mom is coming," Trunks said, using his energy-sensing abilities. "She's got...someone with her."

"Goten?" Bulma asked.

"No, it's someone...new," Trunks said. He flew to where he could get a good view of Chi-Chi and her companion, walking down the block. (Whenever anyone questioned Bulma about the flying child, she explained it was part of a jetpack experiment that Capsule Corporation was performing).

"Oh, wow, who's that girl with her?" Trunks asked. "She's cute!"

"A cute girl?" Bulma wondered. "Gee, who could _that_ be?"

"She's _really_ cute," Trunks said. "Like, _reallllllly_ cute!"

"Ah, my little Trunks has his first crush!" Bulma gushed.

"I don't _like_ her!" Trunks said. "I don't like _girls!_ I just think she's cute!"

This was the first time Trunks had ever met a girl who was half-Saiyan, just like him, so it was only natural that he would be attracted to this girl.

Chi-Chi and the girl showed up shortly afterwards. "Hi, Chi-Chi," Bulma said. "Who's the little—?"

"Hey, baby!" Trunks said, landing on the ground and putting his arm around the girl. He was trying to be cool, like the guys in the soap opera that Vegeta likes to watch. "What's say you and I go out sometime?"

"Go out where?" Goten asked.

"Go outside, duh!" Trunks said. "I'm Trunks, and I'm the coolest guy in town. You should be my girlfriend, baby!"

"Augh!" Goten cried. "Trunks, that's not—!"

Trunks flexed his arm muscles in an attempt to show off. "Have you ever tried the kissy stuff that adults like to do? I've never done it, but you could—"

"EW EW EW!" Goten said, shoving Trunks aside. "Get away from me!"

"Trunks, leave Goten alone," Chi-Chi ordered.

"_GOTEN?_" Trunks asked. "You mean...GOTEN?"

"I'm a girl now!" Goten said, giving Trunks a mean look. The three females that Goten spent the most time with were Videl, Chi-Chi and Bulma, so Goten was _great_ at giving dirty looks as a girl. "So you keep away!"

"Oh, ew!" Trunks said. "I tried to kiss Goten! That's so gross!"

"Ew!" Goten agreed. _If guys act like this around girls, maybe being a girl isn't so great after all!_ Goten thought.

* * *

Erasa called Videl after school, for two reasons. First, she wanted to see how her best friend was doing. Second, she wanted to brag to Videl about the Gold Fighter.

"Hey, Videl, did you get the photo I sent you?" Erasa asked.

"Yes, I got the photo," Videl said dangerously.

Erasa squealed. "I can't believe it! I kissed the Gold Fighter! He's the cutest guy in town!"

"I can't believe it either," Videl said. Erasa, however, was completely oblivious to Videl's angry tone.

"This is the best day ever!" Erasa said. "I just wish I knew who he was in real life, so we could hang out more often, you know? But I'm sure he'll tell me once we get closer."

"You...you what?" Videl asked. "You don't know who he is?"

"I know he's super HOT!" Erasa said.

"Oh my God, Erasa, you are the stupidest person ever," Videl said, closing her eyes and clutching her head. Videl was trying her hardest to come to grips with the situation, but it wasn't working very well.

"Huh?" Erasa asked. "What's so stupid about me?"

_"The Gold Fighter has a girlfriend!"_ Videl shouted. "How could you kiss a boy who's seeing someone else? For all you know, the Gold Fighter and his girlfriend are Gohan and me!"

Erasa giggled. "Gohan, the Gold Fighter? His hair's the wrong color! And besides, the Gold Fighter doesn't _really_ have a girlfriend."

"He doesn't?" Videl asked.

"Of course not, silly!" Erasa said. "He made that up to try to get rid of me, that's all. He knows I'm really close to figuring out his secret identity."

"Uh, sure you are," Videl said. "Look, is there any chance I can convince you to give up on the Gold Fighter?"

"What? No!" Erasa said, offended. "Look, Videl, I thought you'd be _happy_ for me! I finally got a boyfriend who's cute and strong, and who likes to do good things! Isn't this...isn't this a great accomplishment?"

"I'm just saying, he wants to keep his identity secret for a reason," Videl said. "I've spent a lot of time with him, fighting crime, so I know what he's like. You should respect his privacy and leave him alone."

"Oh," Erasa said. "OH. _I_ get it."

"Get what?" Videl asked.

"Get the fact that you're a total jerk!" Erasa said. "I get the guy of my dreams, and all you want to do is screw it up! 'Erasa, stay away from him! You shouldn't have kissed him, Erasa!' You're a two-timing, backstabbing—"

"You are _not_ saying what I think you're saying!" Videl said.

"You've _always_ been like this!" Erasa shouted. "You always have to be the center of attention, just like your father! That's why you joined up with the police! That's why you enter international fighting tournaments! And that's why you can't stand it that _I'm_ getting more attention than you for once!"

"Erasa, you've got it all wrong!" Videl said.

"HA!" Erasa laughed. "I know I'm right! You're overbearing, bossy, controlling, jerky, selfish...um...um...I can't think of any other mean names, but if I could, I'd say them now!"

"Okay, now you're just overreacting," Videl said. "Look, try to calm down, okay?"

"I'm perfectly calm!" Erasa said. "I'm just...I'm just...we've been best friends for years, Videl. Why can't you...? No, never mind. I don't care what you think anymore. I'm going to date the Gold Fighter, and there's nothing you can do about it! I don't care if you're jealous or crazy or what! Just because your boyfriend is cheating on you, it doesn't mean that you can take it out on me!"

"Cheating on me?" Videl asked.

"Yeah, Gohan kissed another girl!" Erasa said. "He told me in school today, but I bet he didn't tell _you_ yet, did he? That's because he knows that if anyone tells you any news whatsoever, you react like a total cow!"

"You're the one who's acting like a cow!" Videl said.

Erasa burst into tears. "Goodbye, Videl. Have a nice life with your big old jerk self!"

She hung up the phone, leaving Videl to wonder what the heck just happened, and how long Erasa had been waiting to say such hurtful things to her.

* * *

Unfortunately for Videl, her problems were just beginning. The crazy doctor who visited her briefly in the last chapter had big plans for her and everyone in Hercule City.

For you see, he wasn't a _real_ doctor. He was a mad scientist, bent on world domination.

"Ha ha ha!" the evil Doctor Worm said. "Videl is in the hospital for two more weeks! This means no one can stop us from taking over the town!"

"It's our lucky day!" the doctor's assistant said.

Yes, these two vile criminals—and most of the criminals in town—were planning on having a field day, now that the city's #1 crime fighter was out of commission.

That was when the door to their secret hideout flew open, and Sharpener walked in.

"Evil criminal dudes?" Sharpener asked. "I want to join you."


	42. Videl's Visitors

"Sharpener?" Doctor Worm asked.

"Yeah, it's me!" Sharpener said, giving the mad scientist a high-five. "What's up, Uncle Steve? I haven't seen you in forever! Are you still planning on taking over the world?"

"I'm not your Uncle Steve here!" Dr. Worm said. "Here, I'm the evil Doctor Worm! And this is my assistant, Mr. Booger."

"Yo," Mr. Booger said.

"Yo," Sharpener said. "Look, I know we haven't really hung out together since that Thanksgiving where you set the couch on fire, but you _gotta_ let me in your group. I want to meet this Gold Fighter Girl, but she only talks to criminals when she arrests them. So make me a criminal like you dudes, so I can be arrested by her!"

"It doesn't really work that way," Doctor Worm said.

For some odd reason, Sharpener began to rap.

_Whatever, man,  
So what's the plan?  
I'm ready to take over Hercule City  
And meet up with the Gold Fighter Chick so pretty!  
Oooooooo yeah!_

Dr. Worm sighed. "I'd better call his mother so she can come pick him up," he said.

"Wait, Doctor," Mr. Booger said. "Having a mindless minion could come in handy."

"It _could_," Dr. Worm said. "We can have him do our dirty work for us!"

Sharpener continued his rap.

_Yeah, yeah!  
I'll do the work that's dirty  
To meet the girl in the skirt-y,  
And then she'll get all flirty  
With me!_

"The first rule of being a criminal is no rapping," Dr. Worm said. "Second, you must do whatever I say. Third..."

Sharpener tuned out his evil uncle and began to play with the various weapons on a shelf in the room.

"What's this?" Sharpener asked.

"That's my shrink ray," Dr. Worm said. "Don't play around with it."

"And what's _this?_" Sharpener asked, picking up a green and blue square.

"That helps us break into locked doors," Dr. Worm said. "Don't touch any of my mad scientist inventions! They're very delicate!"

"Sure, dude," Sharpener said.

_They're deli-cate  
And that's just...GREAT!  
I always make sure to eat the food that's on my plate,  
Because food is delicious!_

Sharpener picked up a device which looked like a hair dryer. "Hey, what's this bad boy? Some kind of freeze ray?"

"That's a hair dryer," Mr. Booger said. "Please put it down.

Sharpener put the hair dryer down, and then he picked up a strange-looking ray gun which would eventually solve Goten's problems. "What's this?" Sharpener asked.

"That's the Gender-Switching Ray," Dr. Worm said. "It can turn a man into a woman, or a woman into a man."

"I can use this to turn into a chick?" Sharpener wondered. Suddenly, his mind was filled with all sorts of inappropriate ideas of what he could do if he was a girl, and he immediately decided he _had_ to try it out. Sharpener pointed the ray at himself and pulled the trigger.

"Well, yes," Dr. Worm said. His back was to Sharpener at this point, because he was rooting through his files, looking for the "Evil Minion Consent" form. "But the ray is broken. It only works once."

Sharpener, I mean, Sharpenerette, was busy running her hands down the sides of her body. _Wow, my hips are wider now! That is so weird!_

Then, the doctor's words penetrated his small brain. "Once?" Sharpener asked.

"Yes, it can turn a man into a woman, but it can't turn him back into a man again," Dr. Worm said. "And vice-versa. Strange little bug in the programming, I suppose. I keep meaning to fix it one of these days..."

"You mean _I'm stuck like this forever?_" Sharpener screamed.

"What do you—_you didn't use the Gender-Switching Ray, did you? I told you not to touch anything!_"

Sharpenerette screamed loudly—amazingly, the female Sharpener's scream was more masculine than male Sharpener's scream—and fainted.

* * *

_We promised we'd never let a guy get between us_, Erasa thought sadly. _I never thought Videl would break that promise. Especially for a guy she doesn't even __**know.**_

Erasa shook her head. _Focus, Erasa. You can't worry about Videl. I'm sure she'll come around eventually. For now, I just have to worry about the Gold Fighter's identity. Detective Erasa is on the case!_

Yes, Erasa just referred to herself in the third person...and the first person, and the second person, too. She's so awesome, she uses all three persons in referring to herself.

Anyway, Erasa was pretty upset about her fight with Videl over the Gold Fighter. For reasons unknown to Erasa, Videl was _very_ much opposed to the idea of Erasa and the Gold Fighter becoming a couple. But Erasa was determined to find out who the Gold Fighter was, no matter what Videl said. Gold Fighter was the perfect boyfriend for her!

That's why Erasa was chasing down leads to the Gold Fighter's identity. One lead—more like a blind guess—lead her to Capsule Corporation, to talk with Bulma Briefs.

But the person who answered the door wasn't the blue-haired scientist, or even the purple-haired scientist. It was the black-haired rage-filled alien prince named Vegeta.

"Oh, hello!" Erasa said. "You're the man from yesterday!"

"And you're the girl," Vegeta said. He remembered her being loud and annoying, but he didn't remember much else. "Ewok, was it?"

"My name is Erasa San!" Erasa said. The homeroom classes in Orange High School were arranged by last name—that's why Erasa San was in the same homeroom as Gohan Son, Videl Satan and Sharpener Sharpener Sharpener's parents weren't too creative when it came to naming their children, but don't tell that to _him_—tell that to his younger brother, Sharpener. "I'm here to see Velma Briefly. I have some...questions I need to ask her."

At the word "questions", Erasa pulled out a hot pink magnifying glass from inside her tweed jacket. She held the magnifying glass to her eye, just like a real detective. "I'm here to solve the mystery of the Gold Fighter's secret identity!"

"What mystery?" Vegeta asked. "He just turns Super Saiyan to disguise himself. It's the worst disguise ever, and if you stupid Earthlings had any brains, you would have seen through it by now."

"Wow, you're grumpy," Erasa said. "Did you not get enough coffee this morning, or something?"

"_I'm not grumpy!"_ Vegeta shouted. "Now leave me the hell alone, or the next time I see you, I'll kill you! Got it, Erasan?"

"Erasa _San_," Erasa said. "San is my last name. You can just call me Detective Erasa, if that'd be easier for you."

"WOMAN!" Vegeta cried. "There's another crazy person here to see you!"

Vegeta stormed off, muttering something about crazy Earthling women.

"My name is Bulma!" Bulma said. "And my friends aren't crazy! It's just that Chi-Chi's son—daughter—whatever!"

Bulma came to the entrance hallway, where Erasa was. "Hello, can I help you?" she asked.

"Yes," Erasa said. "I'm looking for information about Goku Son, the World Champion. Gohan says you know him very well."

"You're one of Gohan's friends?" Bulma asked.

"Uh huh," Erasa said. "I sit near him in school. He's a great guy."

"I see," Bulma said. "Why do you need to know about his father?"

"It's like this," Erasa said. "I'm trying to figure out who the Gold Fighter is. You know about the Gold Fighter, right?"

"Uh huh..." Bulma said, pursing her lips. She didn't like the way this conversation was going. She was a little behind the times, because Gohan hadn't talked to her about the Gold Fighter in a few weeks, but she still knew that Gohan didn't want his secret identity revealed.

"At the fight with Cell yesterday, he said that he was Goku's son," Erasa said. "Which means Goku has two sons: Gohan and the Gold Fighter."

"And Goten," Bulma said. "Well, not anymore...anyway, that's right! You're the girl who was at the Cell Games last night! I saw it on TV! How was it?"

"It was great!" Erasa said. "I don't like fighting very much, but it was cool to be there!"

_Thank goodness she's easily distracted..._ Bulma thought. "Did your parents tape it, or anything? I mean, being on TV! You must feel like a celebrity!"

"Oh, total celebrity!" Erasa agreed. "I mean, no one knows my name or anything..."

By the time Erasa left, forty minutes later, she had gotten no information at all about the Gold Fighter. She had gotten a new friend, though, so it all evened out.

* * *

Videl was trying to get some sleep—not like there was anything _else_ for her to do in the hospital—when the door to her room burst open, an energetic young girl jumped inside.

"SURPRISE!" Goten said. "We came to visit you!"

Chi-Chi followed after Goten. "How are you doing, Videl?" she asked.

"I'm...fine..." Videl said, looking at Goten. Goten had her long hair done up in pigtails, with green bands. She was wearing a white shirt, black biker shorts and gloves. In other words, Goten looked like a miniature version of Videl.

"Why is Goten dressed like me?" Videl asked. She knew the stores in Hercule City sold some Videl outfits .

"I'm a girl now!" Goten said. "And I want to be a cool girl, just like you!"

"Oh, that's sweet," Videl said. "...Why are you a girl, though? Don't you like being a boy?"

"I did," Goten said sadly.

"Goten...switched genders," Chi-Chi said. "It's some weird after-effect of what happened yesterday."

"Ugh," Videl said, leaning back in her bed. She wished she could remember what happened. Apparently, her brain decided the events were too weird, so it gave her amnesia. "I don't want to be rude, but could you tell me what happened last night, from start to finish? I don't remember."

"I wasn't there for most of it—" Chi-Chi said.

"I was!" Goten interrupted. "You and Gohan had to wait to take me home after school, because you had The Mention!"

Videl groaned. "I think you mean _detention_," she said.

"DETENTION!" Chi-Chi screeched. "He's grounded! AGAIN!"

Between the World Martial Arts Tournament and the Cell Games, Part 2, Gohan is currently grounded until sophomore year of college.

"Uh huh," Goten said. "He got detention for kissing you."

"No way!" Videl said, blushing a little bit at the thought. "I mean, I'd never kiss someone in public! Especially if it meant getting detention!"

"You are a horrible influence on my Gohan and—oh...rrrrrrr!" Chi-Chi said. She restrained herself, for the sake of Videl's recovery. "Once you get out of the hospital bed, I'll give you a talking-to!"

"Then we went to your house, and we watched _Cinderella_!" Goten said.

"Okay, _that _sounds more like something I would do," Videl said.

"And you agreed to let me wear your dress!" Goten said.

"That _doesn't_ sound like me," Videl said. "I don't encourage cross-dresssing."

"An' then Cell showed up and kidnapped us," Goten said. "He was all, "RRRRR!' and mean and scary, and he put me in a purple box, and he beat you up, and he killed you, and he brought you back to life, and he killed you again!"

"Hmmm," Videl said. Goten sounded like she was making things up, but Videl knew by now that Goten never lied on purpose. Besides, with the pain from her wounds, she certainly _felt_ like she had been killed a few times.

"Okay..." Videl said.

"And everybody showed up, and I got mad and turned into a girl," Goten said.

"I see," Videl said. "_How_ did that happen, again?"

"I did this!" Goten said. He started powering up. "Hrrrrrrr!"

"Goten, dear, not inside, please," Chi-Chi said. "You'll scare Videl."

"I've seen this before," Videl said, as Goten went Super Saiayan. It was still kind of weird to watch, though. "No need to—woah!" Goten reached Super Saiyan 2. Did Goten's hair just get longer? That was—

"WAUGH!" Videl screamed as Goten turned Super Saiyan 3. Yes, her hair was longer. Much, much longer! Goten now looked like a weird, blonde monster version of Videl.

"You scared her!" Chi-Chi said.

_"What the hell is that?_" Videl asked. "What happened to Goten?"

"Just wait," Chi-Chi said, in a voice which clearly indicated that the worst was yet to come.

A bright yellow light filled the room as Goten reached Super Saiyan 4. Normally, whenever a Saiyan child goes Super Saiyan 4, he or she turns into an adult. Naturally, this meant that Goten turned into a full-grown woman.

"See?" Goten said. "I'm a big girl now!"

"You...you certainly are..." Videl said weakly. All she could do was stare; she couldn't even analyze the situation and take in little details like the fact that Goten's clothes seemed to have changed.

"Imagine my surprise when this woman showed up at my house last night, saying she was Goten," Chi-Chi said.

Goten tried a few punches. "But I was able to beat Cell!" she said.

"Uh...right..." Videl said. "_How _did you just get twenty years older?"

"Gohan says it's Super Saiyan Four," Goten said.

"But how does it _work?_" Videl asked.

"Uh...I dunno," Goten said.

"I've never understood the Super Saiayn things," Chi-Chi said. "It's not normal!"

"So let me see if I have this right," Videl said. "For some reason, Cell came back from the dead last night. He beat me up, and he wasn't stopped until Goten went into Skipping Puberty Mode."

"What's puberty?" Goten asked.

"I'll tell you when you're older," Chi-Chi said. "Maybe when we buy you a training bra."

"Training?" Goten said. She jumped up and down. "I love training! Is bra a type of martial arts?"

"No," Videl said. "So is that what happened, or what?"

"You missed a few details, but I guess that's it," Chi-Chi said. She patted Videl's shoulder. "You shouldn't overexert yourself, trying to remember everything."

Videl's instinct was to respond with a sarcastic, "Thanks _Mom_," but then she remembered that her mother was actually brought back to life recently, so that would be very disrespectful to say.

"Where are my parents?" Videl asked.

"Your father is...not in a good condition right now," Chi-Chi said.

"Cell beat him up bad," Goten said. "He was really mad at Mr. Hercules for some reason."

"Probably wanted revenge for all those years of lying," Videl figured. "But where _is_ Dad? He's okay, right?"

* * *

All Hercule could see was blackness. Dark shadows played against other shadows in his sight. Two voices drifted across his consciousness.

"You can't speak with him! He's asleep!"

"He's been asleep for eighteen hours! It's time for him to wake up!"

"Well, he's had some serious injuries! His body needs to recuperate!"

"I don't give a da—"

"Huh?" Hercule said. He opened his eyes to see who was making the noise. All he could see was a man in a doctor's outfit and another man in a suit.

_Am I in a hospital?_ Hercule wondered. He tried to look around, but a sharp pain immediately coursed through his neck.

"You're awake!" the doctor said. "We thought you would be—"

"FINALLY!" the man in the suit said. "Hercule Satan, my name is Mr. Ball, Attorney at Law. I represent your investors and their interest in your financial future."

"Muh...wuh?" Hercule asked.

"He's highly medicated right now," the doctor said angrily. "He's in no state to be dealing with—"

"I'll make this quick," Mr. Ball said. "In the light of recent events, we have decided that you are no longer worthy of our sponsorship, and we are retracting our funding immediately. Additionally, we want compensation in exchange for funds previously spent to establish your—how shall I put this?— marketing empire."

"I don't...get it..." Hercule moaned.

"This is not the time or the—"

"SHUT UP!" Mr. Ball said, shoving the doctor into a nearby wall. The greedy lawyer leaned in close to Hercule. "Now that we know you didn't kill Cell, we're taking away everything you own. Got that, Dumb-Dumb? I will personally ensure that all of your property is repossessed, you egomaniacal, crazy-haired lunatic."

Mr. Ball stood back up and adjusted his tie. "Recover quickly, Hercule," he said, in a voice of fake sweetness. "We don't want 'Mr. World Champion' to be sick for very long. He's got important business to discuss with us."

Hercule moaned, and he decided it would be best if he just fell asleep again.

* * *

Not much else of interest happened that day, except for Gohan visiting Videl once he was done with school. By now, Videl had figured out that Gohan's kiss with Erasa wasn't intentional. Erasa could be kind of pushy when it came to romantic things, and Gohan was...how shall I put this?...easily pushed.

That didn't mean Videl was going to let Gohan off the hook that easily.

"Hello, Videl," Gohan said. "How's the hospital?"

"So, how was it?" Videl asked.

"How was what?" Gohan asked.

"Kissing Erasa," Videl said simply.

Gohan cracked like an egg. "_I'm really sorry!_" he said. "I didn't mean to—I just—she kissed the Gold Fighter, not me!—Well, I mean, it _was_ me—but it wasn't me—oh...I'm not explaining this well!"

"I bet you enjoyed it, didn't you?" Videl asked.

"Yeah..." Gohan said dreamily. Then he shook his head. "I mean, no! I mean...I mean..."

Videl crossed her arms. There was _no way_ Gohan could get himself out the hole he had just dug himself into.

"I mean, yes, Erasa's good at kissing," Gohan said. "She's had a lot of practice, I guess. But that just made me feel uncomfortable, you know? She knows how to kiss and I...don't."

"Oh, I feel _so_ sorry for you," Videl said sarcastically. "Poor Gohan doesn't know how to kiss, so he has to learn how from Erasa."

"You don't know how to kiss either," Gohan pointed out.

"Yes, I do!" Videl said. "Just because you're the only boy I've kissed, and we've only kissed twice, that doesn't mean I—okay, fine, I don't know much about kissing."

"I'd still rather kiss you than Erasa," Gohan said. "Because you're my girlfriend, and she's not."

"Okay, save the corny one-liners for when I'm _not _mad at you," Videl said. There was a brief pause, while Gohan looked at his feet. "So what do we do now?" she said.

"Practice kissing?" Gohan asked tentatively.

"NO!" Videl said. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Gohan!"

"Phew!" Gohan said, wiping sweat off his forehead with one hand. "Good, because I _really_ don't like kissing that much, and—wait, what gutter?"

"It's an expression," Videl said. "It means...never mind what it means. I'm trying to say that I'm still mad at you."

Gohan sighed. "It's okay. I understand that you want to break off."

"That's break _up_," Videl said. "Gosh, you really _don't_ know much about romantic lingo, do you?"

"I'm sorry," Gohan said, embarrassed. So far, it seemed like he got _everything _wrong, when it came to romance. If only girls were as easy to figure out as math homework! "I...I didn't mean to hurt you."

"But you hurt me anyway," Videl said. "And how do you plan of making it up to me, Gohan?"

"We can..." Gohan gulped. "We can break up, like I said. I won't be your boyfriend anymore. You deserve someone better than me."

"...I don't want to break up with you," Videl said. "I just...I just want things to be simple. More normal. Every time I'm with you, some crazy, out-of-this-world thing happens. Being in a relationship is hard enough without something crazy happening all the time, you know?"

"I know..." Gohan said. He didn't think he could look at Videl without crying, so he looked out the window. "That's why we have to break up. Things are never going to be normal if you go out with me."

Gohan had wondered about this himself, in one of his more angsty moments. Was it possible? Could Gohan and Videl live a normal, boring life? A life like they had in _DragonBall GT_, where Gohan was a college professor and Videl was a stay-at-home mom, and they basically got no screen time at all because they were replaced by Pan. And they lived _right next door_ to Goku's house, because God knows Gohan couldn't survive if he lived any farther away from his mother, and while I'm on this topic, let me just say that the wedding photo of Gohan and Videl is _hideous_—I mean, Videl must have been drunk or something to get a hairdo like that, not that Gohan's hair is any better—and seriously, I just pretend that the last four episodes of DragonBall Z don't exist, because they're all just filler, and not the fun kind of filler like you had in the Saiyaman saga: the boring kind where Goku watches an egg for five minutes. Great note to end the show on, guys. Can we get a _real_ ending, with DragonBall Z Kai?

Woah, sorry about that. I slipped into rant mode for a second, there. Let's get back to the story.

Gohan balled his fists. He _couldn't_ let something like GT happen. He would do everything in his power to protect Videl from a life like that, even if it meant breaking up with her.

Videl was silent for a moment. "Do you really think that?" she asked.

"Yes," Gohan said. "Next to my family, you're the most important person in the world to me. I don't want to break up with you, Videl. But if it will protect you, I will."

Gohan clenched his fists and squinted his eyes as a tear rolled down his left cheek. He knew it was the right thing to do, but it still hurt.

_Is this how Dad felt, when he decided to stay in Other World to protect us?_ Gohan wondered sadly.

Videl shook her head. "It's a good thing you're here," she said.

"But I can't be here!" Gohan said. "Not anymore..."

"No, I mean it's good that you're here in the hospital," Videl said. "The doctors here can take care of you..._because you've obviously suffered brain damage!_ Think, Gohan! What you just said is wrong on so many levels, it's not even funny!"

"I'm not trying to make—wait, what?" Gohan said.

"There is _no way_ that us breaking up will protect me," Videl said. "I mean, I know you're super overprotective—you must get that from your mother—but seriously. Who's going to save me from the next alien supervillain if you're not around? I don't remember everything about last night, but I'd bet everything I own that if you hadn't shown up, I'd be dead right now."

"Well...I guess I _did _save your life," Gohan said. "Kind of."

"See?" Videl said. "The best way you can protect me is by fighting alongside me as the Gold Fighter, not by abandoning me."

"But...but!" Gohan said. "You said you wanted a normal life! I can't give you that!"

"Yeah, but no one can!" Videl said. "Did you forget that my father is an international celebrity? Oh, and by the way, _I can fly? _No matter_ what_ happens, my life is always going to be weird and crazy."

"Gosh, you're confusing me," Gohan said. "Do you want to break up or don't you?"

"I don't!" Videl said.

"Well, I don't either!" Gohan said. "Then why do you keep making it seem like we have to break up?"

"I'm not!" Videl said. "Look, I'm mad that you kissed Erasa. And I don't want our relationship to keep being weird. But I'm not going to let you break things off, out of some weird desire to 'protect' me!"

"But don't you deserve someone else?" Gohan said. "Someone who's not half-alien like me?"

"I don't care that you're not fully human," Videl said.

"But...but..." Gohan said, trying to find the flaw in Videl's logic. "...Wait, why am I arguing about this?"

"Because you're stupid," Videl said.

"...I guess I am stupid," Gohan said. "Look, I'm sorry about everything, Videl. I never wanted any of this weird stuff to happen."

"It's not your fault," Videl said. "You didn't make Cell come back from the dead."

"Yeah, but I let Erasa kiss me," Gohan said. "Although in my defense, we were flying at the time, so I couldn't have pushed her away or anything."

"You could have dropped her," Videl said.

"What? No!" Gohan said. "The Gold Fighter would never—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Videl said. "But still. You've got to make it clear to Erasa that there's no way she and the Gold Fighter can be together."

"So you forgive me?" Gohan asked.

"Kind of," Videl said. "It's more Erasa's fault than yours."

"YAHOO!" Gohan screamed. That was good enough for him!


	43. Sharpener's New Friend

The next day at school, as soon as Erasa entered the classroom, she ran to Gohan. Apparently, in Videl's absence, Erasa considered Gohan to be her new best friend / gossip buddy.

"Oh my gosh, you won't believe it!" Erasa said. "I got a note from the Gold Fighter!"

"You did?" Gohan asked, pretending to be surprised.

"It was in my locker," Erasa said, shoving the note at Gohan. "Read it!"

_Dear Erasa San,_

_I am NOT your boyfriend. I have a girlfriend, who is not you. Please stop bothering me._

_Love,  
The Gold Fighter._

_Augh! I mean, NOT love, because I don't love you, because I have a girlfriend._

_Yours truly,  
The Gold Fighter_

_PS. I'm not your boyfriend, and you shouldn't have kissed me._

"Well!" Gohan said, satisfied. "That should end—"

"I think he's playing hard to get," Erasa said.

"OH COME ON!" Gohan shouted. "What do I have to—I mean, what does the Gold Fighter have to do to convince you that he's not your boyfriend?"

Erasa giggled. "I'm just joking, Gohan. I guess maybe he _does_ have a girlfriend. It's too bad, though. He's super hot."

Gohan scratched his head. He still wasn't sure what _hot_ meant. Sharpener used that word a lot, too.

"I still want to find out his secret identity, though," Erasa said. "This note proves that he's totally someone from our school. How else would he know which locker is mine?"

"Uh...lucky guess?" Gohan asked.

"Hmmm..." Erasa said, thinking. "Oh, yeah! Gohan, could you do me a favor and ask Videl who the Gold Fighter is?"

"What?" Gohan asked. "What makes you think she knows my sec—I mean, the Gold Fighter's secret identity?"

"She got really mad at me yesterday, because of the Gold Fighter," Erasa said. "She must know his secret identity. Probably because they fight crime together. That's the only reason why she'd get mad at me for liking him."

"Are you sure?" Gohan asked.

"Pretty sure," Erasa said. "I'll go see her today and apologize. But it couldn't hurt if _you_ asked her, could it? You're her boyfriend, after all."

"Amazingly enough," Gohan said. He and Videl had come pretty close to breaking up the day before, mostly due to his complete and utter stupidity when it came to dealing with women.

"I swear, once Videl gets back to school, I'll teach you both about being in a relationship," Erasa said. "Just hold on until then, 'kay?"

"Don't call me Kay," Gohan said.

"No, I meant—"

"HOT BABE, COMING THROUGH!" a voice shouted. The owner of the voice threw open the doors to the classroom and skipped into the room.

It was Sharpener. In an odd twist of fate, he had been turned into a girl. This had taught him to respect women in a genuine manner and—nah, he was still the same old, incredibly stupid, girl crazy Sharpener.

In fact, the first thing that Girl-Sharpener did was run to the mall and visit Victoria's Secret. _Now that I'm a girl, they __**have**__ to tell me what the secret is!_ Sharpener thought. But once a saleswoman tried to get Sharpener to try on a bra, Sharpener started freaking out because she thought bras are basically the girl version of underwear, and underwear is super gross.

They ended up kicking her out of the store, just like the fourteen times Boy-Sharpener had tried to go to Victoria's Secret.

I don't want to describe what Girl Sharpener looked like, but for the sake of the story, I guess I'll have to. Sharpener was, to put it simply, the ugliest girl in the school. She could no longer use her "men only" shampoo and conditioner, so her hair was unwashed. She tried to cover up this fact by putting her hair into ponytails. Five ponytails, to be specific. Two were on the back of her head, where pigtails should go. Two were on the front of her head, where ponytails don't belong. The fifth ponytail was over her left ear, sticking out randomly.

Sharpener had no idea what kind of clothes girls wear, so she just guessed. She was wearing jeans, and a muscle shirt. She figured that wasn't "girly" enough, so on top of that, she wore a pink apron and high heels. Sharpener only had one pair of high heels—pleased don't ask why—but she lost the left shoe ages ago. So her left foot was barefoot.

As for Sharpener's face, it was hideous. She borrowed her mother's makeup, but she didn't have any idea how to put it on. She guessed wrong on how to use pretty much _all_ of the cosmetics. For example, she used the lipstick to color her eyelids, and she used the hot pink nail polish as lipstick. She looked like she was attacked by a crazed beautician, and she barely managed to escape with her life.

"Hello, Orange Star High!" Sharpener said, giving a double-thumbs up to everyone in the classroom. "I'm the newest student in school!"

"Sharpener, what are you doing?" the homeroom teacher, Mr. Brown, asked.

"I'm not Sharpener," Sharpener said. She cleared her throat. "I'm Sharpenerette, Sharpener's cousin! I'm also the hottest girl in school! Because hot girls are awesome, and everyone knows that I'm awesome! Team Sharpenerette, all the way!"

Sharpener tried to do a cute-looking pose where she put her fingers on her lips, turned aside and looked over her shoulder. The effect was ruined when she tripped and fell down. Her hand got shoved into her mouth, and she started choking.

Mr. Brown rubbed his forehead. Why did he get stuck with the class of weirdoes? "That's detention for you, Sharpener," he said. "Now take your seat."

"Yes, sir," Sharpener said.

Sharpener went to the seat she had as a boy, near Gohan and Erasa.

"Erasa, what's up, girlfriend?" Sharpener asked. "Girl power, yeah!"

"Why are you pretending to be a girl?" Erasa asked.

"I _am_ a girl," Sharpener said. "And we should be BFFs, because we're the two prettiest girls in school! Even though the prettiness mostly comes from me, because I'm a 10 out of 10 on the Hot-O-Meter!"

Erasa sighed. "He does weird stuff like this sometimes," she explained to Gohan. "Once, in fifth grade, he thought he was the Queen of England. He spent a whole month telling us to make him tea."

"I totally _was_ the Queen of England," Sharpener said. "I got a letter saying I was made the Queen and—whoops! Hee hee! That wasn't _me!_ That was my cousin, Sharpener!"

"You're not a girl, Sharpener," Erasa said. "Stop pretending."

"I _am_ a girl!" Sharpener insisted. "Sure, my voice is deeper now, and I think my chest is actually flatter than it was yesterday, but I'm still a girl! I swear! I do all sorts of girly things now, like talk about unicorns and wear boxers with teddy bears on them!"

"Uh..." Gohan said.

"Just ignore him," Erasa said.

"Okay..." Gohan said. _Boy, that's weird!_

* * *

Thirty miles away, a jail cell opened.

"Okay, you're free to go," the police officer said. "Sorry for the inconvenience."

"It's about freaking time!" Denaira said, stepping out of the cell.

Denaira, as you may remember, is Videl's mother, who was recently wished back from the dead, thanks to the dragon balls. However, returning to life after a few years was not quite as pleasant as she would have expected. First, she got in trouble with the police for driving with an expired license. The police computer reported that the license belonged to a woman who was legally dead, so they arrested Denaira for identity theft.

It took two days to get everything sorted out, and it would have taken longer, if they didn't already have her fingerprints on record. The government officially changed her status from "dead" to "not so dead", so she was free to leave.

The first thing Denaira did was go home, where she met an unpleasant lawyer, who was walking around the outside of the property, taking notes.

"Um...can I help you?" Denaira asked.

"Ah," the lawyer said. "Hello, 'Mrs. Hercule'. I am Mr. Ball, a lawyer representing your husband's creditors."

"Hello, Mr. Ball," Denaira said. "What brings you here?"

"Please, call me Buster," Mr. Ball said. "I am here to determine the value of your 'humble abode', so that our debts may be properly satisfied."

"Debts?" Denaira asked.

"We have decided to seek 'financial reparation', after having removed our support, and your husband's independent assets must fund this."

"Stop making air quotes," Denaira said. "It's annoying. And also...SPEAK ENGLISH!"

"Your husband is a bum and a phony," Mr. Ball said. "We helped pay to make him an international celebrity, and now that we know he didn't kill Cell, we want our money back. We'll start by repossessing your house."

"You can't take our house!" Denaira said.

"We can, and we will," Mr. Ball said. "Unless your husband can magically get twenty million bucks by next Friday, that is."

"Twenty million?" Denaira asked.

"Maybe more," Mr. Ball said. "We haven't finished going over the finance reports yet." The only report he had seen was that Hercule made three thousand dollars, the previous year, on bobbleheads. Bobbleheads! No person in the history of the world has ever needed to purchase a bobblehead, and Hercule made $3000 from them. Mr. Ball smirked. He was going to _enjoy _taking every single penny away from Hercule.

And if some money magically "disappeared" into Mr. Ball's private bank accounts during the transactions...

"You can't do this," Denaira said. "Get off our property now, or I'll break your arms! Hercule isn't the only one in this family who can fight!"

"Touch me, and I'll sue," Mr. Ball threatened. "And soon, this will be _my_ property."

He walked away, whistling a happy tune to himself.

"HERCUUUUUUULE!" Denaira shouted.

* * *

Sharpener was strutting her stuff, down the hallways of Orange Star High School. _So what if Gohan and Erasa don't care about me?_ She thought. _I have plenty of other friends, like...like...like my baseball buddies!_

Sharpener changed directions and headed for the lockers belonging to the baseball team's captain and assistant captain. These two baseball players were named Sharp and Ner.

"Sharp! Ner!" Sharpener said. "What's UP dudes?"

"Uh...do we know you?" Sharp asked.

"I'm Sharpenerette," Sharpener said. "I just moved here. How's the baseball team going?"

"It's great!" Ner said. "We won our last game, 93 to 5!"

"What? NO WAY!" Sharpener said.

"Yeah, ever since that loser Sharpener was kicked off the team, we've been unstoppable!" Ner said. "I guess he was just holding us back."

Sharpenerette frowned.

"So, baby, how about a kiss?" Sharp asked. "It's not every—"

Sharpener ran as fast as she could to the nearest bathroom, because she was sure that she was going to throw up.

_You know...being a girl is kind of lame! I like girls, but I don't like __**being**__ one! None of my old friends like me, running in high heels is impossible, and Sharp just tried to hit on me! EW! What kind of guy hits on a girl he barely even knows?_

_...I wish I was me again._

Sharpener started to cry. And cry and cry and cry. Part of it was because Sharpener cried a lot under normal circumstances, and part of it was because Sharpener's body was still adjusting to a radical shift in hormone production.

Someone put a hand on Sharpener's shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Sharpener looked up into the face of a girl with blue hair. The girl flinched.

"Oh, jeez, you're hideous," the strange girl said. "They really outdid themselves this time!"

"They?" Sharpener asked.

"They're such jerks!" the stranger said. "Why do they have to do this to all the new girls? I tried complaining to the school about it, but they won't listen!"

Sharpener had no idea what this girl was talking about.

"I've got some makeup in my locker," the girl said. "If you want, I can get it, and we can help you get back to normal. I'm Barrette, by the way."

"I'm Sharpener," Sharpener said. "I'm...not sure what you're talking about."

"The soccer girls," Barrette said. "You're...one of the new team members, right?"

"I'm no good at sports," Sharpener said.

"Oh, wow. Sorry," Barrette said. "It's just that the soccer team has this hazing ritual where they force all the new team members to look absolutely hideous for a day, so when I saw you, I thought..._oh._"

"You thought I was hideous!" Sharpener said. "Oh, gee, that's real nice of you!"

"Sorry!" Barrette said. "But you...sort of _do_ look hideous."

"Thanks! _I noticed!_" Sharpener said, bursting into tears again. "I'm no good with makeup! Or clothes or anything except hair! I was _trying_ to be the best-looking girl in school, but now I'm a ugly queen!"

"It's not that bad," Barrette said. "We all have our different strengths. I'm really bad with hair, myself."

"Yeah, I noticed," Sharpener said. "Total split ends, honey. What conditioner do you use?"

"I don't use any," Barrette said.

Sharpener almost fainted. "No shampoo? OMG, Barney, no wonder you don't have a boyfriend!"

"I _have_ a boyfriend," Barrette said. "And it's Barrette, not Barney."

"I'm Sharpener," Sharpener said, shaking her hand. "Let's be best friends."

"Uh...sure," Barrette said, making a note to escape from the crazy girl in the bathroom as quickly as possible.

* * *

_They can't keep me here in this stupid hospital,_ Videl thought, trying to get out of her bed while making no noise at all. _I'm—OW!—perfectly healthy! I have to get back home!_

"What are you doing out of bed?" a voice asked.

_Busted!_

"Oh, hi, Mom," Videl said, trying to smile. "Where have you been the past two days?"

"I've been IN JAIL, thank you very much for CHECKING UP ON ME!" Denaira said. "I swear, just because I've been dead for three years, it's like you've totally forgotten about me!"

"Hey, _I've_ been in the hospital," Videl said. "Where the heck has Dad been?"

"Your father is in the hospital, too," Denaira said. "Now hurry up, we have to go see him. We've got a Smith Family Emergency!"

"Um...yeah...Dad hasn't been using the name—I mean, sure, let's go!" Videl said. "Anything to get out of this room!"

Denaira ushered Videl into a wheelchair and took her to the room where her father was in. Hercule had been transported to the hospital in Hercule City about two hours after he regained consciousness. I personally don't think it was smart of them to move him so soon, due to his injuries, but the hospital wanted to get rid of him as quickly as possible.

Hercule was 50% awake, 50% asleep, and 100% out of it, thanks to all the painkiller drugs he was on. His injuries were so severe that it was hard to tell what took more of a beating from Cell: Hercule or his reputation.

"What the heck happened to my husband?" Denaira asked, jumping up and down. "Who could have hurt my precious Hercy?"

"It was Cell," Videl said. "And he was the one who beat me up, too, thanks for asking."

"Don't lecture me!" Denaira said. "Hercule is hurt, and we're going to lose our house, and both of you two idiots are in the hospital, where you can't do anything!"

Videl rolled her eyes and made a mental note not to get anything for Denaira on Mother's Day. "I can leave here whenever the doctors say I'm healed enough," Videl said. "But it's not like I could do much to help our situation. Twenty million bucks is kind of a lot of money."

"We're doomed!" Denaira said.

* * *

Barrette was trying to get away from Sharpener, but it wasn't working. The weird girl kept following her everywhere.

"So what brought you to the bathroom, anyway?" Sharpener asked.

"Um, I had to go?" Barrette asked.

"I had to throw up," Sharpener said. "I don't usually throw up in the mornings, though, because—wait. Isn't morning sickness, like, something important for girls?"

"Um, you don't usually get morning sickness unless you're preg—"

"Ah, well, it doesn't matter," Sharpener said. "I came there to cry, actually. Life as a girl is rough, you know? That's why we gotta stick together! Let's go shopping or some other girl thing tonight! Unicorns are cute!"

"Okay, that does it," Barrette said, spreading out her arms. "I don't know who you are, weird girl, but _stop following me!_ I don't want to be your friend!"

"But...but...you helped me in the bathroom!" Sharpener said loudly. (A person standing nearby heard this, and decided to leave.)

"Yeah, and that's because I'm nice!" Barrette said. "It's not because we're best friends or anything!"

"But I don't have any other frieeeeeeeends!" Sharpener said, bursting into tears.

"Yeah, and I can see why!" Barrette said. "Nobody wants to be friends with the clingy girl who cries all the time!"

"Please!" Sharpener said, dropping to the ground and grabbing onto Barrette's legs. "You don't understand! I'm ugly and stupid and everyone hates me! I don't know what to doooooooo!"

_"Let go!"_ Barrette said, trying to shake her leg free of Sharpener's grip.

"NEVER!" Sharpener said. She was crying furiously at this point..

Barrette sighed. "Look, if I give you a makeover, will you leave me alone?" she asked.

"Okay!" Sharpener said, jumping up. She put her arm around Barrette's shoulders. "I _knew_ we were BFFS! Best Female Friends ForeverS!"

* * *

Not much happened during the next week. Hercule regained control of his senses, and he and Denaira had a freak-out session about his impending debts. He tried holding a press conference to repair his tarnished image as a fighter, but reporters kept speaking out of turn and some hecklers (secretly paid by Mr. Ball) made fun of him for not defeating Cell.

The conference was forced to end early.

Things were nice at the Son family household. Goku was adjusting well to being alive again, although he still hadn't gotten a job yet. Chi-Chi yelled at him about this every day, but it didn't do any good.

At Orange Star High, Erasa continued to rely on Gohan to be her gossip buddy. It was an interesting experience for our half-Saiyan hero. He had thought Erasa was crazy or unprincipled (or both), due to her obsessive crush on the Gold Fighter. But now that he was able to spend a lot of time with her when she _wasn't _in crush mode, he could see that she wasn't that bad.

Sharpener having a good time, too. Sharpener had a lot of experience when it came to harassing girls without end, and that's basically what she did with Barrette. Barrette was convinced there was no way to get rid of the crazy girl, and she learned to put up with Sharpener.

If you ignored 99% of what Sharpener said, she wasn't that bad to spend time with.

So Sharpener and Barrette spent a lot of time together during the following week. They weren't exactly friends, but they were on the way to becoming friends. In fact, I think they actually _could _have become best friends forever...

...If it wasn't for the disastrous events that took place the day Videl was released from the hospital, that is. What a horrible day that was. It was a day of chaos and screaming and...

Oh, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Before I can tell you the story of what happened on that day, I have to tell you this story.

* * *

Things were busy in Other World. The disaster with Majin Buu made the Supreme Kai realize that he needed to take more of a personal interest in ruling the galaxies. The "only do something once every thousand years" strategy was _not_ a good plan.

And so, the Supreme Kai, together with the other Kais, decided to do a complete investigation into how Other World is run, in order to ensure that nothing like the Majin Buu disaster would happen again.

That is why Dende was summoned to Other World, to explain his actions before the Kai Review Board.

"So, you've been the Guardian of Earth for seven years," the Supreme Kai said, reading off of the information sheet. "And have things gone smoothly?"

"No problems whatsoever," Dende said.

"And what about Majin Buu?" Kabito asked.

"Majin Who?" Dende asked.

"Are you telling me that you don't know about Majin Buu, even though he was on _your_ planet?" Kabito screamed.

"Kabito, calm down," the Supreme Kai said. He rubbed his hand over his mohawk. "You see, Dende, an evil magician somehow managed to sneak onto your planet and resurrect an ancient monster. We're trying to figure out how he did that without anyone noticing."

"I think I know what the problem is," King Kai said. "There's a lack of respect for the Kai Family, because not all the Kais have their own planets."

"Will you shut up about your stupid planet?" West Kai asked. "Nobody cares that Cell blew it up seven years ago!"

"Cell is _another_ monster that attacked the Planet Earth," Kabito said. "He could have destroyed the entire universe! What did you do about Cell?"

"Who, me?" Dende asked.

"You're the Guardian of Earth!" Kabito said. "Why haven't you been guarding it? It's been attacked by horrible monsters, earthquakes, and hurricanes! But you've done nothing!"

"Um...I was taking a nap at the time?" Dende asked.

"And there you have it!" Kabito said. "You want to know what caused the Majin Buu disaster, Supreme Kai? It was _this incompetent guardian!_ I recommend that he be fired at once and replaced with someone else!"

"Oh, come on!" Dende said. "Nobody can do a better job than me! I'm a _great_ Guardian of Earth!"

"As a matter of fact, we have a replacement in mind," the Supreme Kai said. "His name is Android 16. He loves to sit around and do nothing besides watch nature."

"Unlike _some_ guardians who don't watch their planets at all," Kabito muttered.

"So you're firing me? Just like that?" Dende asked. "That's not fair, and you know it! You're just using me as a scapegoat to cover up your own incompetence!"

"We'll still let you be in charge of the dragon balls," Supreme Kai offered.

"Yeah, only because a Namekian can be in charge of them!" Dende retorted. "If I wasn't fired, I'd quit!"

* * *

The angry Dende left the meeting and went straight to the jail cells in Hell.

"Fire me, huh?" Dende said. "Fine, they can fire me. But let's see what happens when Dende's not around to save the planet! I'll unleash such a great horror on them that they'll be _begging_ me to come back!"

Dende stopped in front of the jail cell he was looking for.

"Hey, you guys! You want to go to Earth for a while and wreak havoc?" Dende asked.

"Earth...that's the planet where those guys who killed us are from, right?" one of the cell's occupants asked.

"Of course it is, you idiot!" another cell occupant said.

"I need somebody to cause trouble on Earth," Dende said. "Destroy a few buildings, beat up a few people, and did I mention that Goku is there?"

"WE'LL GO!" the criminals all shouted.

Dende smiled evilly. Earth was about the face the horrible monsters who destroyed Dende's childhood. That's right: Dende had just freed Frieza and his soldiers.


	44. The Villains Attack

Our heroes were completely unaware that Frieza was about to attack Earth, along with his henchmen. They should have been terrified, but instead, they were happy.

After all, this was the day that Videl was being released from the hospital.

"VIDEL!" Erasa said, hugging her friend. "You're back!"

"I missed you," Gohan said.

"It's good to have you back," Mr. Brown, the homeroom teacher said.

"I'm so glad to get _out of the hospital!_" Videl said.

"Now you and Gohan can have relationship lessons!" Erasa said.

"Woah, what?" Videl asked.

Erasa wagged a finger at Videl. "Both you and Gohan know next to nothing about being in a relationship," she said. "I've been watching, and you two have already made some major rookie mistakes which will probably lead to a breakup! I don't want that to happen, so I'm going to help my two best friends stay together!"

"Um...sure," Videl said. Deciding it would be rude to tell Erasa to mind her own business, Videl figured it would be easiest to change the topic. "Hey, where's Sharpener?"

* * *

At this point in the story, Sharpener—and Goten, too—have both been turned into girls. Don't worry, this situation will change by the end of this chapter, but I thought I'd remind everyone of this fact.

Girl Sharpener wasn't in class at the moment, because she was having the worst day of her life.

To put it delicately, it was "that time of the month" for Sharpener, and it felt like someone had hit her in the gut with a Spirit Bomb.

Sharpener was never very good at dealing with pain. I remember the one time he got a paper cut and cried for twenty minutes afterwards. You'd think he would be used to pain, seeing as Videl hit him an awful lot for being a disgusting pervert. But no, Sharpener still tended to be a huge sissy about the tiniest pains, which is part of the reason why she was very upset that day.

"I am so mad right now," Sharpener announced to Barrette, her newest friend / stalker victim. (You'd be surprised how closely those two categories are related in the mind of Sharpener). "That stupid Videl Satan is back from the hospital. I hate her."

"Why?" Barrette asked.

"BECAUSE," Sharpener said. "I spent three years, chasing after her, trying to get her to date me. Every single time, she said no."

"...You want to date Videl?" Barrette asked.

"Not anymore, of course," Sharpener said. "That was back when I was a dude. Now I'm a girl, and Videl is still a total [bad word]. I'll show her!"

"Don't do anything stupid," Barrette said, even though she knew telling Sharpener not to do anything stupid was like telling a Saiyan to go on a hunger strike. It's not gonna happen.

"She such a [bad word]," Sharpener said. "She acts like she [bad word] her [bad word], but she's _really_ [bad word] [bad word]."

"Quit using bad words," Barrette recommended. "The author keeps cutting them out, so I have no idea what you're saying."

"I'm saying that it's time to give Videl a challenge," Sharpener said. "She thinks she's a superhero? Let her _prove_ it."

Sharpener opened her locker and pulled out three interesting weapons. "I stole these from my uncle, the criminal," Sharpener explained. "This one's the Gender Switching Ray that turned me into a girl. Watch!"

Sharpener fired the weapon at a random passerby, who turned into a girl. She screamed and ran away.

"Woah!" Barrette said. "That—that—I don't believe it! You _seriously_ used to be a guy? I thought you were making that up!"

"I wasn't!" Sharpener said. "I got hit with this ray!"

_...No wonder she's so messed up_, Barrette reflected.

"I'm going to hit Videl with this," Sharpener said, grinning. "She doesn't like boys, huh? We'll see how much she hates them when she _becomes a boy forever! Ha ha ha ha ha!_"

"I'm a little uncomfortable with this plan," Barrette said. "I know you don't like Videl, but she seems like a nice person and—"

"And _this_ is the dance ray," Sharpener said, showing off a second weapon. "It emits some kind of, uh, frequency thingy that hits your brain and focuses you to dance."

"A dance ray?" Barrette asked.

"It's not very useful," Sharpener said. "It doesn't work if the person is too far away."

Barrette had no idea how these two weapons were supposed to help someone take over the world, but then again, Dr. Worm _is_ Sharpener's uncle. You can't expect him to be _that_ smart.

"What's the third weapon?" Barrette asked. The third weapon was hidden in a box, where no one could see it.

Sharpener grinned. "This is my ultimate secret weapon," she said. "It has the most deadly, horrifying thing in the world inside."

"Aw, you have a picture of your mother in there," Barrette said. "That's sweet."

_"It's not a picture of Mommy!"_ Sharpener said loudly. "Mommy stopped talking to me when I became a girl...And now I have those cramp things and...and...ERGH! _Let's take over the world already!_"

Sharpener's red eyes narrowed in anger. After today, Videl would never mess with him again. Er...her. Her again.

* * *

Speaking of gender-confused characters, Frieza was standing at the edge of Hercule City, staring at it disdainfully.

"Here's the plan," Dende was saying to Frieza and the soldiers. "You guys will run around town and create a panic. It should be pretty easy to do, because the President of Earth is here today, so there are cameras _everywhere_."

"I thought we were here to fight Goku," Zarbon said.

"Trust me, you'll get your chance to fight," Dende said. "I picked this city in particular because it has a superhero named Videl. It shouldn't be too long before she comes to fight you. You can defeat her, but don't kill her."

"Don't kill her?" Dodoria asked. "What's the fun in that?"

"Don't kill _anyone_," Dende said. "You understand me? You aren't here to kill people. You're here to start a false panic."

Dende was planning on stepping in at the last second, to save Earth from the threat of Frieza. Once the Kais heard about it, they'd be _begging _Dende to stay on as the Earth's Guardian.

"You heard me, right, Frieza?" Dende asked, approaching Frieza from behind. "No killing anyone. Don't forget, I can send you back to Other World the second you get out of hand. Just one spell and—"

Without turning around, Frieza lifted up his tail and stabbed Dende in the chest with it. Dende immediately collapsed on the ground, purple blood flowing from his wound.

"Idiot Namekian," Frieza said. "Did you _really_ think I'd let you control me? ME? The ruler of the galaxy?"

Dende gave a dying cough.

"Let's go, men," Frieza said. "We have a planet to destroy."

His men cheered as they flew towards the unsuspecting Hercule City.

_Somewhere in this town is a monkey I have to kill..._ Frieza thought.

* * *

The President of Earth, unless I'm remembering incorrectly, is a giant talking blue dog who appears in a filler scene during the Cell Saga. I'm pretty sure that the Dog President's name is Bark Obama.

President Bark was visiting Hercule City on some sad business. The city was demanding that their name be changed back to Orange Star City, now that everyone knew Hercule was a phony who didn't kill Cell.

"I will do all in my power to get to the bottom of this," President Bark said in his official press conference. "I will find out what _really_ happened in the Cell Games, and what role Hercule had in—HOLY GUACAMOLE! What the heck is _that?_"

_That_ being the purple creature that stepped into the room.

"Hello, Mr. President," the creature said. "My name is Cui, and I'm here to kill you, on behalf of Lord Frieza."

-=jjiooo

Class had barely begun when Videl's cell phone watch came to life.

"Videl! We need you here, NOW! Aliens have attacked the President!"

"Are you sure, Chief?" Videl asked. She cast a sideways glance at Gohan. "...There's no such thing as aliens, you know."

"That doesn't matter!" the Chief of Police said. "Look, we got an emergency call, saying President Bark is in danger! I'm not going to sit around questioning it; I'm going to do everything I can to save the president! Now get down here at once, and bring the Gold Fighters with you!"

"Ha!" Erasa said. "I knew it! You totally know the Gold Fighter, Videl! Who is he?"

"I don't know either of the Gold Fighters," Videl lied. "And if I did know who they were, I wouldn't tell you."

"But he's so _hot!_ I have to know who he is!" Erasa said.

"I gotta go," Videl said, vaulting down the stairs and running to the door.

A triumphant-looking Sharpener was standing in front of the door, the Gender-Switching Ray in her hand. "Videl!" she said. "It's time for you to suffer for—"

"Out of the freaking way, Sharpener!" Videl said, shoving Sharpener aside. "You can bother me later!"

"GRRRRRR!" Sharpener said, before turning around and chasing after Videl, shouting about justice and overalls.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Gohan announced. "It's really, really bad!"

"Sure, Gohan. You can go," Mr. Brown said.

"All right!" Gohan said.

_Wait..._ Erasa thought. _That's weird. Mr. Brown never lets Videl and Gohan leave class at the same time._

* * *

"Why do we have to wait here?" Cui complained. "I killed all of the weakling bodyguards already."

"Haven't you taken over a planet before?" Zarbon asked. "Once you confront their leader, you need to wait a while for them to send their strongest fighters."

"What...do you want with me?" President Bark asked. In true DragonBall Z fashion, he did a lot of grunting while saying that sentence.

"We want to kill every living creature on this planet," Zarbon said. "Then, we'll sell it for a lot of money!"

Frieza might have been the ruler of the known galaxy, but he was apparently strapped for cash, considering how many planets he sold.

"If it's money you want, we can give you some!" President Bark said. "In our planet, the government solves _all_ its problems by throwing money at it! I've got twenty zeni right here in my wallet!"

"This planet isn't worth twenty...whatever you call them," Zarbon said. "How much is the price up to, Dodoria?"

"It's over nine thousand," Dodoria said, checking the price on his scouter. "Ten thousand, if we kill all the humans. Fifteen thousand if we kill the other animals."

"You see?" Zarbon said. "We're basically here to kill you and leave."

Zarbon wasn't stupid. He specifically attacked the President during a press conference, so the entire event would be televised. Within hours, every human on the planet would know that their pitiful lives were at an end.

Every human...and a certain frog, which housed the mind of the former Captain Ginyu. As soon as Ginyu learned that his former comrades were in town, he hopped over as quickly as humanly, er, frogly possible.

Someone beat Ginyu to the scene of the crime, though. A spunky young crime fighter named Videl landed on the scene. Videl had black hair and blue eyes and, wait, I don't need to explain what she looks like to you. You guys already know that.

"All right, aliens," Videl said. "Release the President and go back to your home planet, before I teach you the meaning of pain."

"Oh, I'm so scared," Zarbon said.

_Woah, he's hot!_ Videl thought. _Ugh, I sound like Erasa! Focus!_

"She's at...forty," Dodoria said, using his scouter. "Not bad for a planet where most people can't even break ten."

"What a pathetic weakling," Cui said.

Videl growled and clenched her fists.

"She's up to fifty," Dodoria said. "Sixty, seven—oh, who cares? Just kill her."

"I'll do it," Cui said. He was eager for a fight, after all his time in jail. He flew at Videl with a side-kick which sent her backwards a foot. Before she could react, he followed up with a punch on the left cheek, and he tripped her to make her fall down.

"What a weakling," Cui snickered. "She's not even strong enough to use energy attacks."

"Energy what?" Videl asked.

Cui just laughed.

"Take _this!_" Videl said. In one fluid movement, she jumped up from the ground and brought her hands up to punch Cui in the head, only he quickly grabbed her wrists in his hands.

"Did you _really_ think you were moving fast enough to stop me?" Cui said. "I'm not Butta, but I'm still faster than you can ever hope to be."

"...Butta?" Videl asked.

"The fastest fighter in the universe," Cui explained.

"Actually, Lord Cooler holds that record," Dodoria said.

"Really?" Zarbon asked. "I can't believe it's not Butta."

Videl was struggling to get loose. "Let go of my hands, you alien jerk!"

Cui still held her hands in front of him. "Or what, you'll yell at me?" he taunted.

Videl grinned and fired off a fairly strong energy blast at Cui's face, from point-blank range. She had been practicing her energy techniques during the week in the hospital. It was about the only thing she could do without leaving her hospital bed.

"Awesome!" Cui said. In his native language, "awesome" was a _very_ bad word. "That does it. You're going to die."

"I disagree," someone said. A shadowy figured stepped through the doorway the room. "She's going to die all right, but _I'm_ going to kill her, not you."

"Who the hell are you?" Cui asked.

"It's me, Sharpener Sharpener," Sharpener said, pulling out her three weapons. "I'm evil, I'm beautiful, and I'm on my period. Don't mess with me."

"I'm busy, Sharpener," Videl said. "I don't have time for your crap right now."

"You _never_ have time for my crap," Sharpener said. "You _always_ ignore me. You think you're so much better than me, don't you?"

"That's because you have the intelligence of a two-year-old," Videl said.

"An incredibly gorgeous two-year-old," Sharpener said. "You're just jealous because I'm the prettiest girl in class, not you."

"What the heck, Sharpener!" Videl said. "Did you follow me all the way here, just to say stupid things? You're not a girl!"

"And soon, neither will you," Sharpener said, taking out the Gender-Switching Ray.

Cui picked up Sharpener by the neck and threw him against a wall. "We were in the middle of a fight, you idiot!" Cui yelled. "Wait for me to kill her, _then_ I'll let you talk to her!"

"Ow..." Sharpener said.

Videl tried to punch Cui while he was distracted, but it didn't work. Cui dodged and punched her in the stomach. The two of them fought for a time, but it was a rather one-sided fight, in Cui's favor. You could say that he was just toying around with Videl for his own amusement.

* * *

While the fight between Videl and Cui was transpiring, the Frog Formerly Known as Captain Ginyu made it to the auditorium where everything was happening.

Frieza was standing near a wall, not paying much attention to what was going on. He was too busy doing mental preparation for his upcoming fight with Goku.

"Lord Frieza, it's me! Captain Ginyu!" Ginyu shouted. "I've been stuck as a frog for the past seven years, but I _knew_ that someday you'd come and save me!"

All Frieza heard was "ribbit, ribbit".

"Ugh, what a revolting creature," Frieza said, picking up the frog by its leg and throwing it away. "I swear, someone should have destroyed this awful planet long ago."

"Vegeta tried," Zarbon said. "But he failed and came back half-dead."

"Why am I not surprised?" Frieza asked. Apparently, the only time Vegeta _wasn't_ useless was when he was trying to foil Frieza's plans. "I swear, I should have killed the brat when I destroyed his planet."

_Frieza doesn't recognize me_, Ginyu thought sadly. It was a depressing moment for the captain, but then, Ginyu got a great idea.

_I could switch bodies with someone!_ He realized. _Then, I wouldn't be a frog anymore!_

(I don't know why it took him seven years to figure that out, but it did.)

_But who could I switch with? It has to be someone who's a good fighter..._

Ginyu hopped towards the part of the auditorium where Videl was fighting Cui.

* * *

"Stop, evil-doers!" a heroic voice cried as two people entered the room. It was Gohan and Goten. Gohan was in his Gold Fighter costume, and Goten was dressed up in her Videl costume. Goten sort of looked like a smaller version of Videl, with her hair done up in pigtails and everything.

"Just in time, Gold Fighter," Videl said. "And it's good to see you again, um...Mini Me."

"I'm going to fight criminals!" Goten said excitedly.

Cui shot off an energy blast at Gohan, intending to kill him in one hit. "This fight has had too many interruptions for _my_ taste," Cui said. "Can't I just—what? How are you not dead?"

"It's going to take a lot more than an energy blast to kill _me_," Gohan said grimly.

"Can _I_ fight him?" Goten asked.

"I'm not done yet," Videl said. She vaulted herself upwards, over Cui's head. Cui brought up his right hand to knock her off-balance, but she did something which was completely unexpected to him: she put her hands against the hole-like things sticking out of the sides of his head.

Cui immediately collapsed.

_Looks like I found a weak point_, Videl thought, and she was right. Cui's head holes were very sensitive, because his species used them to breathe. Without moving her hands from the head holes, Videl shot off energy balls, instantly killing Cui.

"YES!" Videl said. One alien down, three to go!

"Did Cui just get killed by a creature with a power level less than one hundred?" Zarbon asked. "How pathetic!"

By this time, Sharpener was back on her feet, and she was _furious_. She pulled out the Gender-Switching Ray. "SUFFER!" Sharpener shouted, as she pulled the trigger.

"Look out, Videl!" Gohan said.

Goten flew and pushed Videl out of the way, in a scene that was oddly reminiscent of Piccolo pushing Young Gohan out of the way of Nappa's attack. Goten bore the full effect of the Gender-Switching Ray's attack, which was good news for our young hero, because it turned him back into a boy.

Sharpener swore.

"What was _that?_" Videl wondered. Sharpener may be stupid, and an idiot, and a pervert, and a good-for-nothing—well, you get the idea. Sharpener may not be the best person in the world, but when did he start attacking people with laser-based weapons?

Gohan quickly destroyed Sharpener's weapon with an energy blast.

"GOLD FIGHTER!" Sharpener shouted. "I hate you, too! You and your stupid sister! Do you know how much trouble she caused me? She's just as bad as Videl!"

Gohan scowled, because he wasn't sure what to do. The person that the media referred to as the Gold Fighter Girl was really Goten in Super Saiyan Four form, but obviously, Gohan couldn't explain that to everyone. He was hoping that if he said nothing, people would eventually forget about this girl. His plan didn't seem to be working, though.

Sharpener pulled out the Dance Ray and shot Gohan with it. Gohan began doing the Macarena.

"What the?" Videl asked, walking up to Gohan. "What did you do to him? He's—hey!"

Videl stepped within range of the Dance Ray. She wrapped her arms around Gohan, and they started dancing together.

"Me next! Me next!" Goten said. "Dancing is cool!"

"No!" Sharpener said. "Using this dance ray, I will force Videl and the Gold Fighter to dance with each other for over ten minutes! That way, they will be too tired to stop my evil plans!"

Captain Ginyu Frog hopped for joy at the sight of Videl and Gohan together.

_That Earth girl killed Cui!_ Captain Ginyu thought. _And those dance moves are __**fantastic! **__She __**has**__ to be my new host body!_

"Can't they get out by doing this?" Goten asked, shooting an energy ball at the Dance Ray. The weapon exploded, and Gohan and Videl stopped dancing.

"You fool!" Sharpener said. "Don't make me use my final deadly weapon!"

The frog jumped in front of Videl. "CHANGE NOW!" Ginyu shouted.

Suddenly, Videl switched bodies with the Captain Ginyu Frog. Videl was now trapped in the body of a slimy creature. Ginyu, on the other hand, was what he always wanted to be: a teenage girl.

"Captain Ginyu is BACK!" Ginyu shouted, doing a series of poses. "YES!"

"Ginyu?" Gohan gasped. "Oh no!"


	45. Body Changing Fun with Captain Ginyu

Frieza snapped out of his thoughts. "Ginyu?" he asked.

Captain Ginyu had just switched bodies with Videl, and he was testing out his new body with a series of poses. "Oh, yes! Beautiful _and_ dangerous! This could be my favorite body yet!"

"That's Ginyu, all right," Dodoria said. "Nobody else but him would such hideous poses."

"I do so hate ugly things..." Zarbon said.

Gohan grunted in anger. "Captain...Ginyu...give Videl her body back, NOW!"

"Who's Captain Ginyu?" Goten asked. "And what's wrong with Videl?"

"Lord Frieza's strongest fighter, at your service!" Ginyu said. "I can't wait to test the limits of my powerful new body, by destroying this planet!"

"Not so fast!" Gohan said, stepping in front of the evil alien. "Remember _me_, Ginyu?"

"Remember you? Why, I've never seen you before in my life!" Ginyu said.

"I was the little boy back on Namek," Gohan said.

"Impossible!" Ginyu said. "I'm sure Lord Frieza killed that child by now. And besides, he had black hair."

"My hair is blonde because I'm a Super Saiyan," Gohan said.

Frieza gasped. _Another_ Super Saiyan? Impossible!

"Ha!" Ginyu laughed. "Do you really think you can fool me? Prepare to face the wrath of the incredibly adorable CAPTAIN GINYU!"

Ginyu did a series of cutesy, adorable poses that took full advantage of his new body. Gohan almost fell over at the sight. His girlfriend Videl was already cute in his eyes, but seeing her show off her beauty like that...and the one pose made him want to kiss her for as long as he possible could and...

_It's not her. It's Captain Ginyu_, Gohan thought. _It's not her. It's Captain Ginyu._

With that mantra running through his head, Gohan attacked.

* * *

At Orange Star High School, while everyone was filing out of homeroom, Erasa stopped by Mr. Brown's desk.

"Mr. Brown?" Erasa asked.

The homeroom teacher didn't look up from the book he was reading, entitled Mysteries of the Universe. He was on the chapter which talked about why fast food restaurants claim to have a dollar menu, even though the price of the food on the menu, plus sales tax, is always over a dollar. "Yes?" he said.

"Why did you let Videl and Gohan leave homeroom together?" Erasa asked.

"They both had to leave," Mr. Brown said.

"But...I thought you said it was school policy not to let couples leave class together," Erasa said. "Remember when you caught me and Bobby trying to ditch school for the movies?"

"That _is_ the rule," Mr. Brown said. "But Videl gets special permission to leave class to fight crime."

"Yeah, but what about Gohan?" Erasa asked.

"Same thing," Mr. Brown said. "He's the Gold Fighter."

"WHAAAAAAAAT?" Erasa shouted.

"Mmmhmm," Mr. Brown said, turning a page in his book. "Didn't you know that? My sister who works at the elementary school told me. She said something about Cell revealing it at the end of Chapter 34."

"Chapter 34?" Erasa asked. "What are you talking ab—never mind. Are you _sure_ Gohan is the Gold Fighter?"

"Of course I am," Mr. Brown said. "The Gold Fighter is the son of Goku Son, and he goes to our school. Who _else_ could it be?"

"But...but..." Erasa said, trying to find something wrong with Mr. Brown's conclusions. He was _right!_ Why didn't she see it before?

"But...I kissed the Gold Fighter!" Erasa said lamely. "So he can't be Gohan!"

"You kissed Videl's boyfriend?" Mr. Brown said. He actually looked up from his book. "How are you still alive?"

Erasa suddenly remembered Gohan getting upset about kissing another girl...right after she kissed the Gold Fighter!

"Oh no!" Erasa said. "I kissed my best friend's boyfriend! I _have_ to apologize! Where are they?"

"Fighting dangerous criminals, no doubt," Mr. Brown said. "You stay right here in school, Miss San, and wait for them to—"

Mr. Brown noticed that he was talking to an empty classroom, because Erasa had ran away.

"Oh, sure, ignore the teacher!" Mr. Brown said. "Just like you do during math class! You kids are so irresponsible!"

* * *

"HOW AM I A FROG?" Videl yelled. "GET ME OUT OF HERE, NOW!"

What everyone else heard was "Ribbit!"

"Ah, cute froggy," Goten said, picking up Videl. "You wanna play with me?"

_That's it,_ Videl decided. _I am breaking up with Gohan. I don't care __**how**__ nice he is. Whenever I spend time with him, weird crap like __**this**__ happens! I'm a freaking_ _frog!_

Videl's anger must have shown somehow, because Goten picked up on it.

"I know, Mr. Frog, I'm worried, too," he said. He picked up the frog and held it so it could see the fight between Gohan and Captain Ginyu. "You can see it, can't you? Gohan's fighting with Videl."

_It's not __**me**__ fighting him! It's some creepo alien!_ Videl thought.

"Why are they fighting? I thought they love each other," Goten said. His voice grew thick as he tried to hold back his emotions. "Gohan said she's the prettiest girl in the world, and she's just like the sister I don't have and...I want them to stop being mean to each other!"

_Oh, jeez,_ Videl thought. _Poor Goten._

That was when Sharpener grabbed Videl out of Goten's hands.

"HA HA!" Sharpener said. "The evil Sharpener does yet another nefarious deed! Stealing a frog from a crying child!"

"I'm not *sniffle* crying," Goten said. "And give me back my frog!"

"I need it for my final act of evil," Sharpener said. She pulled out the mysterious box, containing what she thought was the most dangerous weapon in all of history. "For you see, in this box, I have...the thing that you've been afraid of."

"What thing?" Goten asked.

"The scariest thing ever...the most dangerous, most powerful weapon, one which will make everyone cry for their mommies! BEHOLD! A slimy frog!"

Sharpener opened up his box. Inside was a frog.

"What's so scary about frogs?" Goten asked.

"They're icky and slimy, that's what!" Sharpener said. "Everyone's afraid of frogs, and now that I have _two_ of them, I can conquer the world!"

"The frog in the box is dead," Goten said.

"Dang, I _knew_ I should have put airholes in this thing," Sharpener said. Being an evil villain was harder than she thought. "Anyway, I still have this frog, so I can take over the world with it."

Videl the Frog was saying many unkind things about Sharpener. Now, I agree with her that Sharpener is a total toad. This fact aside, Sharpener still didn't understand what her croaks meant.

"How can you take over the world with a frog?" Goten asked.

"I throw it at someone I don't like, and they run away in fear!" Sharpener said. "If they don't, they get warts! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"You're not very smart, are you?" Goten asked.

"Shut up, or I'll throw the frog at you," Sharpener threatened.

* * *

Gohan was winning the fight against Captain Ginyu, of course. Ginyu hadn't been in a fight in years, and while Videl's body was stronger than your average human's, it was nowhere _near_ strong enough to take on a Super Saiyan.

"You're strong," Ginyu noted.

"And you're gorgeous," Gohan said. Was it wrong of him to find Videl more attractive after sparring with her? He wasn't sure. Maybe that was his Saiyan side coming out. Anyway, she was definitely—wait, no! Not _she_, _he!_

"Augh! It's not Videl!" Gohan said. "It's Captain Ginyu! Ginyu!"

Ginyu laughed. "If you like her so much, you're _love_ this!" he said. "CHANGE NOW!"

And just like that, Gohan switched bodies with Captain Ginyu. Now, Gohan was in Videl's body, and Captain Ginyu was in Gohan's body. Videl was still a frog, trapped in Sharpener's filthy hands.

"AAUAAUAHAH!" Gohan screamed. He liked Videl, but not _this_ much!

Ginyu decided to test out his new body with two quick, simply blows to his opponent's head. Gohan was instantly knocked unconscious.

_Wow, he must __**really**__ have been holding back during our fight..._ Ginyu thought. _The fool!_

"AHA!" Ginyu said. Then, doing three of his celebratory poses, he did a simple victory chant.

_Fallen has the enemy,  
To Ginyu goes the victory!_

"Hmmm..." Ginyu said. "The pose doesn't look as good without other fighters to back me up. I'll have to rebuild the Ginyu Force."

"Ginyu won again," Dodoria announced.

"At least he didn't perform the Dance of Victory this time," Zarbon said. That dance lasted three minutes, and it was performed to the tune of "Changes" by David Bowie..

Frieza smiled for the first time in a month. The only thing Frieza lacked was the knowledge of how to defeat Super Saiyans. And now that one of his most loyal subjects was in a Super Saiyan's body, that information would soon be his.

"Ginyu!" Frieza said. "What is the weakness of your new body?"

"My...weakness?" Ginyu asked.

"It is vitally important that we know what the weakness of those Saiyan Monkeys is!" Frieza said. "Vegeta is still running around on this planet, as is...the other one..."

"Vegeta?" Dodoria gasped. "How is _he_ still here?"

"I'll kill him!" Zarbon swore.

"I'm _sure_ they'll be here soon," Frieza said. "Now about that weakness, Ginyu?"

* * *

Speaking of Vegeta and Goku...

Vegeta was at Capsule Corp, pigging out on nachos and having a movie marathon. He just bought the _DragonBall Z Broly Trilogy_, and he was going to watch them all at once.

"I sure hope that I get a lot of screen time in this series," Vegeta said, fast-forwarding through the preview of the _Hercule Defeats Cell_ movie that they showed at the World Martial Arts Tournament.

Meanwhile, the greatest fighter in the history of the known universe, the most powerful Saiyan ever, otherwise known as Goku...

...was taking a nap.

My hero.

* * *

"Rrrrrrr!" Goten growled. "That does it!"

He ran up to Gohan's body and got right in his face. "Quit ignoring me!" Goten said, a grumpy look on his face. "I've been trying to talk to you, but all you do is talk to these weird guys!"

"Leave me alone, you brat," Ginyu said.

"_Why did you hurt Videl?_" Goten demanded. "She's a good person, and you like her, and—"

Ginyu punched Goten in the stomach. The little boy landed on his knees, clutching his stomach.

"How...why..._you're not my brother!_" Goten accused.

Ginyu laughed. "Of course I'm not! I'm Captain Ginyu, Terror of the Galaxy!"

Goten powered up to Super Saiyan and attacked Ginyu with wild fury. "Give me back my brother!" Goten said.

Frieza would have raised an eyebrow, if he had one. Another Super Saiyan? They should rename Earth "The Planet Where Legendary Fighters Fall Out of the Sky Every Five Seconds". Once Goku was killed, Frieza would _definitely_ destroy this planet, to destroy all Saiyans for good.

Sharpener, too, was amazed. About two weeks ago, Sharpener developed a huge crush on the Gold Fighter Girl, after seeing her on TV. But now it looked like the other Gold Fighter was just a little kid!

"Oh, man!" Sharpener said. "I thought she was _my_ age! Now, I'll _never_ be able to date her! Uh...him."

Sharpener had used the Gender-Switching Ray on Goten. Now he was back in his normal body, in his normal clothes. But Sharpener was still stuck as a girl.

"Stupid Gender-Switching Ray!" Sharpener said, throwing it to the ground and smashing it underfoot. "Stupid Videl! Stupid everything! I HATE YOU ALL!"

Ginyu had a hard time countering Goten's attacks, mainly because Ginyu wasn't used to his new body, and Goten was really small. I mean, Ginyu had to practically bend over completely just to reach Goten's height!

Eventually, Ginyu decided the fight wasn't worth it, and he fell back. "Forget this!" Ginyu said.

"Huh?" Goten asked.

"You know, your spiky hair and orange clothes remind me of someone I knew once on Namek," Ginyu said. "Do you know what I did to him?"

"What?" Goten asked.

"THIS!" Ginyu said. With one hand, he stabbed himself in the chest. Blood openly dribbled out of the wound.

"Augh!" Goten said.

"CHANGE NOW!" Ginyu said.

That was when Sharpener decided to use his ultimate weapon on the people he hated so much. He threw the frog in his hands right at the Gold Fighters.

"What the hellllllllllllll!" Videl the Frog yelled as she flew through the air.

Fortunately, all of Sharpener's work as a baseball pitcher paid off. The frog went right between the Gold Fighters, at the very second that Ginyu used his body-switching technique.

Now Ginyu was a frog again.

"NO NO NO!" Ginyu croaked. "Not again! Not again! CHANGE—!"

Videl immediately stomped on the frog. "Stupid ugly frog! I hate all frogs now!" she said. She smashed the frog with her foot several times, until she was _sure_ it was dead.

Videl ran her hand through her hair. "Now that _that's_ done," she announced. "I—wait."

She ran her hand through her hair again. That didn't feel right. It was spiky and nowhere near long enough.

Videl looked down at her chest. It was bleeding, and it looked like she didn't need to wear a bra anymore.

Videl grabbed her wound and cried in pain. "I'm...in Gohan's body!" she realized.

"Huh?" Goten asked. He powered back down to normal levels. "Who are you now?"

"Videl!" Videl said. She fell to her knees, then slowly landed on her back. "Augh! I'm dying in my boyfriend's body!"

"VIDEL!" Goten cried. "Don't worry, I'll save you!"

He picked up Videl's body as gently as he could. Videl, meanwhile, ripped off part of her shirt and used it to help stop the flow of blood. It wouldn't cure the wound, but she'd live for another day or so.

_Good thing I paid attention in Emergency Preparedness Training..._ Videl thought. That was a mandatory training course she had to take before she began work with the police.

Goten flew up in the air about two feet, because it was easier for him to hold Videl/Gohan up with his energy than with his hands. Then he flew towards the exit.

Goten _almost_ made it out of the building when a huge pink monster landed in front of him.

"Where do you think _you're_ going, punk?" Dodoria asked. "You're not getting out of here that easily!"

"Kill him quickly," Frieza ordered. "I don't want any of these Saiyans to make it out alive."

"Oh no!" Goten said.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I have recently been informed that Ginyu could not do the body-changing technique as a frog, simply because frog throats can't say the words correctly. I guess that makes sense. A lot of attacks in the DragonBall Z universe seem to be a mixture of having martial arts skills and saying the magic words, for example, the Kamehameha.

In any case, a few chapters ago, I said I would be wrapping things up and ending this story soon. I meant that. It might not _look _like it, but I've been trying.


	46. Frieza Defeated!

Miles away, Hercule sobbed in his hospital room.

"There, there," his wife Denaira said. "It's not that bad."

"Not that bad?" Hercule asked. "If I don't come up with twenty million zeni tonight, they're going to take our house away! They'll take away everything I own! Oh, why did I lie to the world about beating Cell?"

"We still have each other," Denaira offered. "And maybe you can still get the money in time."

"Oh, what's the point in trying?" Hercule said. "The doctor says I'm too injured to leave for another month or so. There's no _way_ I'll be able to get the money from here."

Yes, things looked bad for Hercule and Denaira, but things looked even _worse_ when they turned on the TV. All the stations had a special news report about aliens kidnapping the President of Earth.

"What the heck?" Hercule said.

Pictures from the cameras in the room flashed on the screen. Cui punching Videl. The Gold Fighter punching Videl. Videl's unconscious body, lying on the ground.

Hercule jumped out of his bed. "I'm coming, Videl!" he shouted. "Don't worry, I'll save you!"

"Hercule!" Denaira said. "The doctor says you can't leave for a month, at least!"

"Forget what the doctor says! My baby girl is in trouble!" Hercule shouted. He ran out the door, with Denaira trailing close behind.

* * *

Hercule was right to try to help, because our heroes were in a tough situation. Videl and Gohan had switched bodies, thanks to the interference of Captain Ginyu. Gohan was unconscious, and Videl had a very bad chest wound. The only person who was left to fight Frieza and his goons was Goten.

"Just a little kid," Dodoria said, grabbing Goten's arm in one huge fist. "Not even a challenge."

"You...you let me go!" Goten said.

"KILL HIM NOW!" Frieza shouted. A note of desperation came through Frieza's voice, if truth be told. That's because he was the only one to recognize the resemblance between Goten and Goku.

Dodoria was taken aback. "Why the big rush? He's just—"

Goten gave a huge tug on Dodoria's arm. A sickening pop was heard, and Dodoria screamed in pain.

"You punk!" Dodoria said. "You almost broke my arm! You'll pay!"

Dodoria brought his other meaty arm crashing down on Goten's head, but Goten disappeared and reappeared behind Dodoria. Goten kicked him in the back of the head.

"Zarbon, join in!" Frieza ordered.

"Dodoria is strong enough to—" Zarbon said.

"DO IT!" Frieza ordered.

Zarbon immediately flew forward and joined the fight. Goten was strong for a six-year-old, but Zarbon and Dodoria were professionals. They worked quickly and dealt heavy blows with their fists. Goten couldn't block them all, and after ten seconds, he decided he couldn't keep this up. He turned Super Saiyan, then dodged the next attack and grabbed Zarbon's ponytail. Swinging Zarbon around, Goten threw him at Dodoria, thereby breaking Dodoria's already-injured arm.

That's when the fight _really_ began.

* * *

Sharpener, meanwhile, had decided to go home. She was all set to take over the world and get revenge on Videl, but Frieza totally stole the spotlight.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Sharpener kept saying over and over to herself as she walked away.

"Sharpy, wait!" a voice called.

Sharpener turned around and saw Erasa. Sharpener broke into a huge grin. Erasa came all this way to comfort her! Sharpener opened her arms wide for a big hug.

Erasa ran up and slapped Sharpener.

"What the _hell _is wrong with you?" Erasa asked. "You tried to kill Videl and Go—the Gold Fighter!"

"That's because I hate them!" Sharpener said, rubbing her cheek. "I'm a girl now, and it's all their fault! And it's _your_ fault too, for giving me the idea to see my uncle!"

"_You're not a girl!_" Erasa shouted.

"OH YEAH?" Sharpener said. "Then how do you explain THIS?"

Sharpener performed an action which would later result in a fifty dollar fine for indecent exposure.

"...Okay, you're a girl," Erasa said. "Wow."

"_Wow_ is right!" Sharpener said. "And the worst part is I've got an exclamation mark!"

Erasa scratched her head for a moment. "...Do you mean, you've got a period?"

"Yeah, but this period is so bad it _feels_ like an exclamation mark!" Sharpener said. "So stop giving me grief!"

"No!" Erasa said. "I don't know what weird stuff has been going on with you, but you're still the same old stupid, shallow, self-absorbed _jerk_ you've always been! Why don't you get a clue?"

"Clue?" Sharpener said. "What are you talking about? I'm a great guy! Everyone loves me!"

"Ha!" Erasa said. "Think about it! Why did you always try to get Videl to be your girlfriend? Is it because she's a good person, or because you two have a lot in common?"

"No, it's because she's super hot," Sharpener said.

"Exactly!" Erasa said. "You don't care if it's Videl or anyone else! You just want a super hot girlfriend! And _why_ is that?"

"Um..." Sharpener said. The real reason Sharpener chased after girls was because that was what happened on TV shows. Never before had Sharpener questioned _why _guys were encouraged to act like brainless, hormonal maniacs, to their detriment and the detriment of everyone else. "Uh...so I can brag about it to my friends?"

"And you _don't_ see how that's a bad reason to want a girlfriend?" Erasa asked.

"Um, gee...I guess that's not the _greatest_ reason ever, but...uh... " Sharpener said.

"Would Girl-You date Boy-You?" Erasa asked.

"Um...probably not?" Sharpener guessed.

"No girl would ever date Boy-Sharpener," Erasa said. "That's because you're a horrible, selfish person who just tried to kill Videl for no reason whatsoever."

Erasa slapped Sharpener again, and stormed off.

* * *

Zarbon smashed Goten into the ground, face-first. Dodoria moved in, intending to run his arm down Goten's back, like a rolling pin. This is a particularly painful attack, because Dodoria's arm has huge spikes sticking out of it. However, Goten kicked off the ground with his legs, so he was standing on his head. Pushing off of the ground with his arms, he landed a two-legged kick, straight to Dodoria's chin.

"Who the hell _is_ this kid?" Dodoria asked.

"I believe he's Goku's son," Frieza said.

"Goku Son? The fighter?" the President of Earth asked. The President was still being held captive by Frieza, in order to lure Goku out of hiding. "Goku is a lot older than this boy."

"Not Goku Son, Goku's So—never mind," Frieza said. "Just kill him already."

"Defeat them, Gold Fighter!" the President cheered.

To be honest, the fight against Goten and Frieza's fighters would have gone a lot more quickly, if Goten was aiming to kill. However, Chi-Chi had always told Goten never to hurt another person, and so, Goten was just trying to knock his opponents unconscious.

This stopped when Dodoria charged up a huge energy blast and shot it at Goten. Goten responded with an energy blast of his own. While Dodoria and Goten's energy blasts met one another, Zarbon charged up an energy blast and hit Goten in the back.

"Ah!" Goten cried.

"Oh...sure...ignore me..." Videl moaned, from her place on the floor. "It's not like I'm _dying_ or anything!"

"I'll help you as soon as I—ah!" Goten said.

Dodoria landed on top of Videl, jamming his foot into her stomach. She cried out in pain. Having a guy that fat land on top of you is never a pleasant experience.

"Too bad you can't—" Dodoria began to say.

Goten charged up a strong energy attack and blew Dodoria to smithereens. Dodoria tried to counter, but he wasn't strong enough to face the onslaught.

Zarbon tried to transform to his uglier self, but Goten quickly turned on him, too. A strong energy blast killed the blue-skinned monster. Then Goten threw out a third, equally strong energy blast at Frieza to deal with him. Goten dropped down to Videl's side and picked her up again.

"You missed me," Frieza said.

Goten dropped Videl and stood up. "OW!" Videl said.

Frieza was standing up straight now, his face grim. "I knew this day would come," he said. "I knew I would fight a Super Saiyan again."

"Please, let me go," Goten said. "I'll fight you later, Mrs. Alien. I need to save my friends first."

_"I'm not a girl!"_ Frieza said.

"Really?" Goten asked. "You look more like a girl than Videl does." Goten pointed at Videl's unconscious body—currently occupied by Gohan—to make his point.

"..." Frieza said. "That's it. You die now."

"NO, YOU!" shouted Hercule, as he ran into the room triumphantly. "I don't care who you are or where you're from! NOBODY beats up my daughter and gets away with it!"

"Who is _this _idiot?" Frieza asked.

"I'm Hercule, and I'm the man who's going to stop you!" Hercule declared. "Take this, you President-kidnapping, human-hating alien! AAAAAAAA!"

Hercule ran full speed at Frieza, then jumped up in the air. He pulled back his right fist, then brought his arm forward to deal a mighty blow, right to the purple thing on top of Frieza's head.

Frieza fell backwards and collapsed, dead.

"Huh?" Hercule asked. "I...did it?"

"YOU DID IT!" the President said. "You _saved_ me! Thank you, Hercule!"

"Yay, Mr. Hercules!" Goten said, jumping up and down.

_"I did it!"_ Hercule said, laughing proudly. "I beat the evil aliens, all by myself! Without any fancy tricks or light shows or anything! I beat him with just one punch! A hahah aha ah haaaaaaaa!"

* * *

_One minute earlier..._

"Ugh..." Dende moaned. Dende had been stabbed in the chest by Frieza, and he was very slowly dying.

_Too bad I can't regenerate myself, like Piccolo can..._ Dende thought. _All I can do is heal wounds..._

_Wait a sec...I CAN HEAL WOUNDS!_

Mentally slapping himself for being an idiot, Dende put his hands on his chest and said the healing spell. Soon, he was back to normal.

"I should never have trusted Frieza," Dende said. "And I won't! I'm sending his spirit back to Other World, right now!"

Dende said the spell to return Frieza to Other World, at the exact same second Hercule punched the evil tyrant. In the eyes of everyone watching, it looked like Hercule killed Frieza in one blow.

That's when a large man put his hand on Dende's shoulder, startling Dende.

"Good job, Dende," Android 16 said.

Dende hung his head in shame. "Hey, Sixteen," he said. "I guess I should apologize to you."

Android 16 said nothing.

Dende sighed. "I'm sorry I got jealous that you're the new Guardian of Earth, and I'm sorry that I brought Frieza and his men back to make you look bad. It was a horrible idea, and I never should have done it. Do you forgive me?"

Android Sixteen smiled. "You made the right choice in the end," he said. "Now, you just have to help out the boy who has become a girl, and everything will return to normal."

"Right, I have to help that Sharpener weirdo," Dende said. "I'll do that right away, boss!"

Dende ran off. Android Sixteen was about to say, "I was talking about Gohan!", but a pretty bird flew by, which captured all of the large android's attention.

_Birds are wonderful,_ Android Sixteen thought to himself.

* * *

Hercule and most of the fighters were taken to the hospital. Frieza and his men were taken the morgue.

"I can't believe I saved the planet," Hercule said. "For _real_, this time!"

"I'm so proud of you!" Denaira said, hugging her husband.

"I think it's safe to say that the city will continue to be called Hercule City," President Bark said.

"Nothing can ruin this day!" Hercule said.

That was when something ruined the day. Mr. Buster Ball, the lawyer working for Hercule's creditors, smashed open the doors to the room.

"YOU!" Mr. Ball said. "_Nice try, you fool!_ But I still get all of your money!"

"Who is this man?" the President demanded.

"I represent Hercule's creditors," Mr. Ball said. "We are _bankrupting_ this phony, as soon as possible! If he can't give us twenty million dollars by tonight, we have the legal right to repossess everything he owns!"

"But he's a hero!" the President said. "He really _did_ save the world this time!"

"I don't care," Mr. Ball said. He didn't care about anything besides money, and getting more of it by any means possible.

"Hold on! I'm coming! Don't leave!" a voice from the hallway called. It was soon followed by a short, overweight man in a three-piece suit.

"Who are you?" Mr. Ball demanded to know.

"That's Mr. Bean Counter," Hercule said. "He's my personal accountant."

"And do you realize how _hard_ it is to get a complete analysis of your finances in only two days?" Mr. Counter asked. "I've been working like a maniac to get this done before the deadline!"

"HA!" Mr. Ball said. "Why bother? In a few hours, this man will be penniless!"

"Not entirely," the accountant said, straightening his tie. "I have here the very latest financial reports on Hercule's assets!"

"Is it good news?" Hercule asked.

"Well...no," the accountant said. "Sales of your merchandise plummeted by 90%, when we were expecting a major increase of sales, due to your recent victory at the World Martial Arts Tournament."

The accountant flipped a page. "Membership in the gyms you sponsor is also down by large amounts."

"Which is why we are removing our sponsorships," Mr. Ball said. "And, of course, demanding full compensation."

"_However!_" the accountant said. "Due to the revelation that you did not really defeat Cell..."

"Your life is now over!" Mr. Ball said.

Denaira smacked Mr. Ball. "Quit interrupting!"

"Yes, please," the accountant said. "Due to the revelation that Hercule did not defeat Cell, sales of the _Hercule Defeats Cell_ movie—which comes complete with the actual footage from the original Cell Games—have gone up through the roof. We've sold forty million copies in three weeks."

"WHAAAAAT?" Mr. Ball shouted.

"_Hercule Defeats Cell_ sold forty million copies?" Hercule asked.

"Yeah, it seems people really want to see what happened at the Cell Games," the accountant said. "The royalties from that alone should be enough to pay off any debts you have accumulated."

"HA HA HA HAAAAA!" Hercule shouted. "In your FACE, Mr. Lawyer! You aren't going to kick me out of my home!"

"Yes, but...but...I still get twenty million zeni!" Mr. Ball said. "I'm still robbing you blind and—"

Mr. Ball's cell phone rang, with an important call from his clients. In light of recent events—namely, Hercule saving the President from a handful of aliens—they decided _not_ to pull the plug on Hercule's funding.

In other words, saving the planet saved Hercule's finances. Mr. Ball was fired, and everyone in Hercule's family rejoiced.

...Except Videl.

* * *

In another hospital room, Gohan moaned.

"Gohan? Are you awake?" a voice asked.

"Ugh..." Gohan said as he looked at the blurry scene in front of him. "I had the worst dream. Frieza was back, and I switched bodies with Videl, and..."

The scene in front of Gohan came into focus as his eyes adjusted to the light. Standing before him was Erasa and...himself?

"It wasn't a dream," the other Gohan said, narrowing his eyes in a Videl-like fashion.

"Videl?" Gohan asked. "Is that you?"

The other Gohan nodded.

"Then that means I'm..." Gohan looked down at his new body. Long hair, short frame, baggy white t-shirt...that was Videl's body all right.

"I'm _you?_" Gohan asked. "No way! This is crazy!"

"CRAZY? I'll tell _you_ what crazy is!" Videl said. She looked furious.

"Um, Videl," Erasa said. "Maybe now isn't the best time to get angry at—"

"Shut up, Erasa!" Videl said. "I've got a _lot_ to say to Gohan now, and _nothing_ is going to stop me!"

Gohan gulped.

"Do you realize that we've only been a couple for three weeks?" Videl asked. "Before you, my life was normal. But ever _since_ I've started dating you, my life has been the biggest mess in the history of the world."

Erasa cringed. She recognized a break-up speech when she heard one. If only she had been able to give Videl and Gohan relationship lessons! Then this wouldn't have happened!

"It hasn't been _that_ bad, has it?" Gohan asked.

"First, I was attacked by Cinderella monsters at the World Martial Arts Tournament," Videl said. "That included a fat pink thing, some kind of wizard bug, and, oh yeah, _I was almost killed by Majin Sharpener!_ Then there was some giant talking dragon monster who brought my mom back from the dead, and, oopsies, I guess he also brought _Cell_ back from the dead, because the next day, Cell beat the ever-living crap out of me!"

"Videl..." Gohan said.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that _your brother turned into a fifty-foot tall gorilla?_ And Sharpener turned evil AGAIN and tried to kill me about six times today? And thanks to you, everyone knows the truth about Cell, and they're taking away all of my father's possessions!" Videl said, her voice getting progressively louder as she went on. "So now I don't have anywhere to live, and today, even MORE of your alien weirdo enemies show up, and they turn me into a [bad word] FROG, and now I'm somehow trapped in your body! Did I forget anything?"

"Um..." Gohan said.

"Oh, right, _you made out with my best friend!_" Videl shouted.

"I didn't know it was him!" Erasa said. "I thought I was kissing the Gold Fighter! I would have _never_ kissed him if I knew it was Gohan!"

"Shut it, Erasa," Videl said. "Well, Gohan? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"...I'm sorry?" Gohan asked.

"You're sorry?" Videl asked. "You come into my life, turn things completely upside-down, and all you can say is 'I'm sorry"? Well, here's what I have to say to _you_, Mr. Gohan Son!"

Gohan flinched as Videl got right up in his face and...

...shoved her lips against his in a long and passionate kiss.

"Oh my God, my life was so _boring_ before I met you," Videl said. "With you, every day is a new adventure."

"Awwwwww..." Erasa cooed. Maybe Gohan and Videl didn't need relationship lessons after all!

"I love you, too," Gohan said, kissing her back.

Then, a thought struck him. "Is this...weird?" he asked. "I mean, kissing each other when we've switched bodies?"

"Kind of," Videl said. "But for me, it feels like the hottest kiss ever."

"I still have no idea what 'hot' means," Gohan admitted. "But I think I agree."

The two of them hugged each other, then Gohan got up, out of the hospital bed.

"Woah, wait!" Erasa said. "Aren't you two going to make out? Maybe even, you know...run the bases?"

"Erasa!" Videl said.

"Huh?" Gohan asked. "What do you mean, Erasa?"

"You can't stop at just two kisses!" Erasa said.

"Sure we can," Gohan said.

"Yeah, we're not one of those couples who kiss each other all the time," Videl said.

"That's totally gross," Gohan said. "And my mom would kill me."

"But...but...this doesn't compute!" Erasa said. "If you've found the person of your dreams, why wouldn't you—?"

Videl put her hand on Erasa's shoulder. "If you want, Gohan and I can give you relationship lessons," she offered. "That way, you won't have such bad luck with boys."

"NOT FUNNY, GOHAN!" Erasa said. "I mean, Videl! I mean, wow, it's going to be hard to get used to fact that you've switched bodies."

"Ugh, you're telling me," Videl said.

"Don't worry, I have a plan to get us back to normal..." Gohan said.


	47. Dealing with New Bodies

**Author's Note: **Sorry this chapter took so long to write. There were several jokes that I had to change, in order to keep the story at a family-friendly level. Not that I expect families to sit down and read this story together. That would be odd.

* * *

For those of you just tuning in, Gohan and Videl have switched bodies, thanks to the body-switching antics of Captain Ginyu. The first thing they did set ground rules for the situation.

No, wait, the first thing they did was freak out. _Then_ they came up with ground rules.

"Rule #1," Videl said. "You don't touch my body, you don't look at my body, you don't even _think_ about my body."

"Um, okay," Gohan agreed.

"Rule #2!" Videl said. "You don't use the bathroom while you're in my body."

"But what if I have to go?" Gohan asked.

"YOU HOLD IT!" Videl said.

"Rule #3, we don't tell anyone about this," Gohan said.

"Good thinking," Videl said. "If anyone found out, they'd probably think we were crazy, and—"

"GOOOOOHAN!" a voice shouted from the hall.

"It's your mom!" Videl said. "Quick, act normal!"

Chi-Chi opened the door and came inside, once she saw it was the right room. She looked angry. "Gohan Son! What has been going on?"

Videl cocked her head to the side. Something seemed strange about Chi-Chi.

"I turn on the TV, and I see you and Goten fighting some fat pink alien and—"

Yeah, something was weird. Chi-Chi _looked_ the same, but her energy was...dual?

"—How you could lead Goten into such a dangerous situation, I'll never—"

Videl used Gohan's finely-tuned energy senses to determine that Chi-Chi was giving off two energy signals: one from herself and one from her...abdomen?

"Are you pregnant, Chi-Chi?" Videl asked.

"Pregnant?" Chi-Chi asked. "I...of course not! I've started menopause already! And how dare you bring up such personal topics in front of—!"

"No, seriously," Videl said. "I think you're preggo. Have you and Goku had—"

Chi-Chi hit Videl with the Frying Pan of Doom. "You're grounded!" she yelled. "That is _not_ proper conversation to have in public! OR EVER!"

"Ow! Hey!" Videl said. "You can't ground me! I'm not your daugh—oh. Right."

Chi-Chi gasped. "Oh no!" she said. "My poor baby was hurt in the fight, and now he can't think straight!"

Gohan cleared his throat. Even though he had Videl's voice now, he still felt the need to talk in falsetto. "I'm sure that Gohan is fine," Gohan said. "He's just...a little confused."

"Thanks to _you_, no doubt!" Chi-Chi said, waving an angry finger at Videl. "You may have the men in my family fooled, but not me! Nothing like this ever happened before _you_ came into our lives!"

"Yeah, except for Cell trying to destroy the planet," Videl said sarcastically.

Chi-Chi gasped again. "You see?" she told Gohan. "Already, you've corrupted his mind, and he's acting like a rebellious teenager!"

Videl frowned. If she was going to act like Gohan, that meant she couldn't say any of her usual sarcastic comments. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Videl said. "I didn't mean to upset you."

_"Upset me?"_ Chi-Chi yelled. "What did you _think_ would happen when you took your little sister with you to fight dangerous aliens?"

"I was thinking we had to save the world," Videl said. "And thanks to what happened today, Goten's a boy again! So you should—"

"My precious baby boy is a boy again?" Chi-Chi asked. "How?"

"I'm not sure how," Videl said. "It was weird."

"Well, you're going to tell me every single little detail of what happened today, mister," Chi-Chi said. "Or else you're grounded."

"Again?" Videl asked.

"No backtalk!" Chi-Chi ordered.

"Um...I should...go?" Gohan asked.

* * *

The first thing Videl did when she got home was take a shower, so she could examine her new body from all angles. As far as she could tell, Gohan's body was very nice, and it had one major advantage over her old body.

"I'm tall!" Videl said, jumping up in the air. "I'm tall! I'm finally tall!"

Videl hit her head against the ceiling.

"OUCH!" she said. "Dang it, I wish I was shorter."

Gohan's plan to fix the situation—which was _go see Bulma and hope she can help us_—was scheduled to take place at the first available opportunity: right after school the next day. That meant Videl had to stay in Gohan's body overnight at the Son House.

The only real downside to Gohan's body was the fact that everything was about twenty times louder. She didn't know that Gohan's ears were extra-sensitive, although that would explain why everyone at the Cell Games held conversations from a distance of fifteen feet.

Videl also had trouble adjusting the fact that she would have to eat about five times as much as she normally did. She still had no idea how Gohan could eat so much, while still being in peak physical condition. But other than those things, she had no major problems.

Two hours after she arrived at Gohan's house, Videl got a desperate phone call from Gohan.

_"Videlllllll!_" Gohan whined. "Can I break Rule #2? I _reallllllly_ have to go to the bathroom! Your bladder is smaller than mine!"

"Yes, you can go to the bathroom," Videl said, rolling her eyes. "That was just a joke, Gohan."

"THANK YOU!" Gohan shouted. He ran to the bathroom as quickly as possible and threw up the toilet seat.

"Just don't forget that girls sit down to use the bathroom," Videl said.

"You're kidding!" Gohan said. "I mean, I knew that."

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Videl asked.

"Sure, I can!" Gohan said. "Talk later, 'kay? I have to...go."

"Yeah, good call," Videl said. She didn't want to talk to Gohan on the phone while he was in the bathroom.

"No, it'd be a bad call," Gohan said.

Videl face-palmed for a moment as she tried to think of a response. "...Never MIND!" she said, then hung up the phone.

_The chances of him pulling this off are slim to none,_ Videl thought. _At least I can get away with spending all my time in Gohan's room, pretending to be studying. That way, I don't have to talk to anyone, especially Chi—_

An orange-and-black rocket attached itself to Videl's leg. "Big brother!" Goten said. "Today was _sooo_ much fun! I got to fight the bad guys with you!"

"Uh, sure you did," Videl said. "And you did a good job, too."

"Is Videl gonna be okay?" Goten asked. "She got really beat up, because she's weak, just like you said!"

Goten was totally taking things out of context, but of course, Videl didn't know that.

"He said I was weak, huh?" Videl asked. "What other things has Go—I mean, what else have I said about Videl?"

"Don't you remember?" Goten asked.

"Pretend I don't," Videl said.

"Well...you said that she's really pretty, but her hair is kind of long," Goten said. "And her dad is kind of crazy, and—"

_My hair is too long? What, does he like short hair on girls or something?_ Videl thought. _The only girl in our class with short hair is...Erasa!_

"What have I said about Erasa San?" Videl asked.

"The girl who likes to gives hugs and kisses?" Goten asked.

_I knew it! They've been seeing each other behind my back! _Videl thought.

"I don't like her," Goten said. "She's always trying to give me the hugs and kisses. Yuck!"

_Oh, right._ Videl thought. Erasa _did_ act that way around Goten. She thought the little boy was really cute.

"No, but how do _I_ feel about her?" Videl asked.

"You said she was scary," Goten said. "She kind of scares me, too."

"Right..." Videl thought. Then she shook her head. Why was she trying to interrogate Goten about his older brother, anyway? If Gohan was keeping secrets, he wouldn't confide them to Goten. That would be ridiculous.

Goku appeared in the hallway and walked towards his sons. "Hey, Goten," he said. "Why don't you go watch TV? Gohan and I have to talk."

"Okay!" Goten agreed.

"We...have to talk?" Videl asked. This didn't sound good.

"Yeah, your mother is upset with you," Goku said. "She says you said something to her about pregnant and babies? I wasn't paying attention, because I was kind of hungry, but Chi-Chi says I have to tell you about it now."

"Tell me about what?" Videl asked.

"The birds and the bees and the thing between your knees," Goku said. "Master Roshi taught me all about this stuff when I was younger, so I'm an expert!"

_Is Gohan's dad always so hard to understand?_ Videl wondered.

"You probably don't know this, but boys and girls are different from each other," Goku said. "The first time I met your mother, I figured out she was a girl because—"

_Oh my God,_ Videl realized. _He's giving me The Talk._ Now, Gohan probably _needed_ to hear The Talk, but there was no way Videl was going to stand here and have a conversation about sex with her boyfriend's father.

"I know where babies come from!" Videl blurted out. "There's no need to tell me!"

"You do?" Goku asked. He scratched his head. "Then why did you ask about it at the hospital?"

"I didn't ask about it!" Videl said. "I...was just saying that Chi-Chi is pregnant, that's all! I can sense it with the weirdo alien energy sensing powers!"

"Ohhh," Goku said. "You're right. I can sense it, too. We're going to have another baby! Isn't that wonderful? Now I'll have someone new to spar with!"

"That's great!" Videl said, although she seriously questioned Goku's parenting abilities. After all, Goku seemed more enthusiastic about having a new sparring partner than he did about having a third child.

"I know!" Goku said. "But you should probably keep a secret until your mom finds out, okay?"

"Will do, Daddy-o!" Videl said, giving Goku a double-thumbs up.

_Ha, acting like Gohan is easier than I thought it would be!_ she thought.

"Sure thing, Sonny-o!" Goku said.

* * *

At Videl's house, Gohan was having a pleasant dinner with Videl's mother. He was surprised to find out that food tasted better when you _didn't_ eat as quickly as possible.

"I bet you're happy to be out of the hospital," Denaira said.

"I'm very happy!" Gohan said. "And we got our house back!"

"It's too bad your father is still in the hospital," Denaira said. "I wish the doctors would let him out soon."

"I could get Dende to come heal him," Gohan offered. Now that he thought about it, Gohan really should have done that when Videl was in the hospital.

"Dende?" Denaira asked.

"Gohan's friend," Gohan said. "He has magical healing powers, because he's the Guardian of Earth."

"I see..." Denaira said. "Honey, are you sure it's a good idea to spend so much time with Gohan and his friends?"

"What do you mean?" Gohan asked. "He's my bofyriend."

"Gohan is a very nice boy," Denaira said. "But his friends are...hmmm...how can I put this delicately? His friends are a bunch of _space alien weirdoes_ who try to take over the planet! And they've put both you and your father in the hospital!

"Feh," Gohan said. Videl had gotten mad at him plenty of times before, so he knew exactly how "Bad Mood Videl" acted. His impersonation of an angry Videl was pretty good. "You're being overprotective, Mom. Stop worrying so much."

"Is it wrong for me to get worried when someone tries to kill my family members?" Denaira asked.

"I fight crime, in case you've forgotten!" Gohan said. "I can beat up bad guys on my own!"

"_Normal_ bad guys, perhaps!" Denaira said. "I still don't think it's safe for you to go up, unarmed, against violent criminals to _begin_ with! But Gohan is making you go up against violent _alien_ criminals! That's taking things way too far!"

"Oh, and I shouldn't let him be my boyfriend anymore?" Gohan asked. "For your information, Gohan is a kind, sensitive, caring, strong, handsome, really smart, loving, compassionate, responsible, mannerly, studious—"

"I said I like him!" Denaira said. "But what if he changes?"

"He won't change," Gohan said.

"That's what I thought about your father, before the Cell Games," Denaira said. "But he changed, anyway."

"Hmmm..." Gohan said. To be honest, he didn't think that Hercule changed much in the seven years since the Cell Games. But then again, Gohan didn't really remember what Hercule was like back then.

"I'm not trying to be mean or destroy your happiness," Denaira said. "It's just that this whole alien thing weirds me out."

"You don't have to worry," Gohan said. "I promise things won't get out of control."

"It's normal for parents to worry about their children," Denaira said. "I think Hercule and I are lucky with you. We don't have to worry about your dates doing anything inappropriate, because you can defend yourself. But still...if _Gohan_ tried to feel you up, even if you struggled, he could overpower you with his alien strength."

"It wouldn't make a difference," Gohan said, thinking that Videl's mother was talking about Videl and Gohan's power levels. Alas, she was talking about something quite different.

Denaira's eyes narrowed. "Him feeling you up wouldn't make a difference? How far have you gone with Gohan?" she asked.

"Just to the other side of town," Gohan said. "Why?"

Denaira gave Gohan the Squint of Suspicion. Ah, so _that's_ where Videl gets it from. "That had better be a very bad joke," she said. "I don't want my daughter to get knocked up before graduating high school."

_Why does she keep using phrases I don't know?_ Gohan wondered. "Gohan can knock on my door anytime," he said. "As long as the doorbell is broken, that is."

Denaira figured Videl was using some strange new teenage slang term, and it made her upset. "I hope you're at least using protection!" Denaira said. "What if you get pregnant?"

"Pregnant?" Gohan asked. "That only happens if you have..."

Suddenly, things clicked for Gohan, as he realized what she meant.

"AUGH!" Gohan said, falling backwards over his chair. "Is THAT what you're talking about? I would NEVER EVER DO THAT! It's disgusting and sick and WRONG!"

"Oh, thank God!" Denaira said. "I thought you were sleeping with him!"

_What does sleeping have to do with anything?_ Gohan wondered, as he shook his head, trying to get rid of all the Master Roshi-style thoughts. Roshi's extreme perversion had taught the young boy to avoid anything and everything related to sex.

"No, Videl and I don't have that kind of relationship," Gohan said. "We don't really even like kissing that much, to be honest."

"...Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?" Denaira said, scratching her head as she tried to puzzle out that statement. "Could you repeat what you just said?"

"Uh...um...I love you, Mom!" Gohan said, kissing Denaira on the cheek. "And nothing's wrong with me and Gohan, but I'm going to bed now!"

"It's only 7:00 PM!" Denaira said.

"I'm _really_ sleepy," Gohan said. "Gotta go! Bye!"

"We're not through, young lady!" Denaira screamed. "You get back here this instant, or you'll _wish_ those aliens had put you in the hospital today! You hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME?"

The only response to Denaira's rant was silence.

"Hm. I guess she didn't hear me," Denaira said to herself.

* * *

The next day, the author was having a hard time thinking of a good way to transition to the next scene. Our blue-haired friend Barrette was playing a game on her cell phone before school started, and she was actually enjoying herself, until Sharpener came by.

"Hey, Barrette!" Sharpener said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "I have bad news. I can't be your best girlfriend anymore."

"You never _were_ my girlfriend," Barrette said, not looking up. "You're just the annoying kid who won't leave me alone."

"_Cuz I'm a DUDE again!"_ Sharpener cheered. "OH YEAH!"

Barrette paused the game and looked up. "So you're a boy again?" Barrette asked.

"Yeah, some green guy called Dentey turned me back," Sharpener said. "Pretty awesome, huh?"

"Great, now you can leave me alone!" Barrette said.

"Not really," Sharpener said. "You see, the whole experience of being a girl for a few weeks has been a real eye-opener. I...really learned something."

Sharpener pulled out his music player, and put on a song with reflective music, in order to help the mood.

"I learned that I might not be the greatest person in the world," Sharpener proclaimed. "Maybe. Possibly. I'm still greater than everyone else at our school, though."

Sharpener turned off the music player.

"That's it?" Barrette asked. "_That's all you learned?_"

"I know, I was shocked, too," Sharpener said. "But it's true. Even though I'm a super hunk manly man, I guess I can be a bit more like the girl me. I could be more sensitive, and caring, and I could listen more to other people."

"Sounds like you learned a lot," Barrette said. "I'm proud of you...kind of."

"And therefore!" Sharpener said. "I'm going to go back to my old life, but I hope we can still be friends."

"Friends?" Barrette asked.

"Yeah..." Sharpener said. "You're the only girl around here who's willing to talk to me, so I _was_ going to flirt with you until your head started spinning, but I figured that since the girl me wouldn't like that, you probably wouldn't either."

"Oh, Sharpener," Barrette said, hugging him. _Not _having Sharpener flirt with her was the best gift ever. "That's great! Who knows, maybe you _can_ change for the better!"

"You really think so?" Sharpener asked.

"Sure!" Barrette said. "You just need to stop talking entirely, because everything you say is stupid. If you do that, I'm sure _loads _of people will want to be your friend! Maybe even some girl would be willing to go out with you!"

"Would _you _go out with me?" Sharpener asked.

"No," Barrette said. "I'm not desperate. And I have a boyfriend."

"Dang!" Sharpener said.

* * *

The class at Orange Star High was shocked when they saw Gohan enter the classroom, wearing a tight-fitting tank top.

"Woah, is that _Gohan?_" Angela asked.

"His arms...they're so buff!" another girl said.

"We should get him to take Sharpener's spot on the baseball team," one of the baseball players said. "With muscles like those, I bet he could hit home runs without even trying!"

Videl casually flexed Gohan's arm muscles while adjusting the straps on her backpack. Half of the girls in the class swooned, and they had to be sent to the nurse's office while Videl walked up to her seat.

"Hey, Videl," Erasa said. "What's with the tank top?"

"It looks nice, huh?" Videl said. "I swear, I don't know why Gohan's wardrobe is full of baggy clothing. He looks so much nicer in athletic clothes."

"Spoken like a true tomboy," Erasa said. "I bet you just wanted to show off to everyone that your boyfriend is a super hunk."

"That too," Videl grinned.

Sharpener came up the stairs and stopped at the end of the row. "Hi Erasa," he said. "You look super hot—I mean, you look lovely today. I hope you enjoy class."

"Thanks, Sharpener!" Erasa said.

Sharpener moved past Erasa and Videl to take his seat.

"What's with him?" Videl asked, whispering to Erasa.

"He's trying to be the new, improved Sharpener," Erasa said. "He's now sensitive and nicer."

"Yeah, _that's _gonna last," Videl said. "What made him decide to change?"

"It's complicated," Erasa said. She didn't want to tell the entire story of Sharpener turning into a girl and back again, which Videl had missed out on. "Plus, I slapped him really hard a few times."

"Ah," Videl said.

Things were quiet in the classroom for a minute or so, until Gohan entered in Videl's body. Gohan decided he _had_ to wear a dress, because this was the only opportunity he would have to see what it was like. It was pretty difficult for him to find a dress in Videl's closet, but after a lot of searching, he found the _only _Videl-sized dress in the entire mansion.

It was big, blue and poofy, exactly the kind of clothing that Videl hated to wear because it was overly fancy, completely impractical, and ridiculously expensive. The sigh of Videl in a dress turned people's heads, but what _really_ caught people's attention was the top of the dress. It was extremely tight and skimpy, exactly the kind of revealing clothing you would never, ever in a million years see Videl wear.

Half of the boys in the class swooned, and they had to be taken to the nurse's office while Gohan walked up to his seat.

"Hi, Gohan! Hi, Erasa!" Gohan said.

Videl bent down to be at eye level with Gohan. _"What are you wearing?"_ she hissed.

"You like it?" Gohan asked. "It was the only dress you...I mean, the only dress that was in my closet. I thought I'd try it out!"

"That's not an outfit you're supposed to _wear in public!_" Videl said. "That's a Halloween costume from three years ago!"

"Oh, right!" Erasa said. That was the year Videl went as Cinderella. It was the last Halloween before Videl turned tomboy, following her mother's death.

"It doesn't fit at all anymore," Videl said. "Jeez, you're showing a _ton_ of cleavage! That is _not good!_"

"Cleavage?" Gohan asked. "Is that something to do with butchers?"

"No," Erasa said. "But you _do_ look kind of cheap."

Videl looked closely at the top of the dress. "That looks _really bad._ Are you even wearing a bra?" she asked.

"I couldn't figure out how to put one on," Gohan said. "'Cause this dress is kind of tight."

"Okay, that does it," Videl said. "I've got sports tape in my locker. I can wrap you up. Let's go."

"I'll stand guard," Erasa volunteered. "Sharpener, you...Sharpener?"

Sharpener mind had exploded from overhearing the conversation about Videl's chest.

"Useless as always," Videl said.

* * *

Erasa stood guard outside the bathroom, while Gohan and Videl were inside. It was her job to make sure that nobody walked in and saw the two of them together.

"This is the weirdest thing I've ever done," Videl said, once she was finished with the sports tape. Now Gohan looked slightly more presentable.

"I'm sorry for causing trouble," Gohan said. "I just wanted to see what wearing a dress was like."

"Well, I don't look good in dresses," Videl said.

"No way," Gohan said. "You look great in everything."

"Being sweet won't get me to forgive you," Videl said. "You're going to kill my social reputation. You should know by now that I don't wear tops like that. I only wear baggy shirts."

"So do I," Gohan said. "Why are you wearing a tank top?"

"I...I just thought it'd be different," Videl said.

"Oh, so _you_ get to wear something different, but _I_ don't," Gohan said. "That's so unfair."

"Okay, fine," Videl said. "But still, you should have dressed like I normally do. People are totally going to be suspicious."

"No one's going to think we switched bodies, just because you're trying out a new outfit," Gohan said.

"I know that! I just—look, I want to get back to my normal body as soon as I can," Videl said. "Why can't we go see Bulma now?"

"We have to wait until school is over," Gohan said.

"But _why?_" Videl asked.

"Because education is very important," Gohan said.

"...Okay, that's it, we're skipping school," Videl said.

"Never!" Gohan said. "Mom would—!"

"SCREW YOUR MOM!" Videl shouted.

Gohan gasped and fell over.

"Oh, jeez," Videl said. She left the bathroom, with Gohan in close pursuit, trying to convince her not to leave school.

* * *

**Next Time, on Overprotective...**

"I can't invent a machine that switches people's bodies," Bulma said.


	48. Relationship Lessons

The most normal time of Bulma's life was when she was in high school. Sure, it wasn't always a happy time for her—some people were mean to her, just because she had a reputation as the spazzy science freak—but at least it was normal.

That all changed one day when she went into her father's workshop.

Dr. Briefs was trying to create a special shampoo, just for mustaches. Young Bulma was trying to help, but she got overly excited about the science experiment, and she accidentally smashed into her father's elbow. The chemicals spilled, test tubes broke, and a large explosion followed.

At first, Bulma was amazed that she survived the blast, and she was incredibly happy. Then she learned that the chemicals somehow turned her beautiful blonde hair blue. BLUE! Whoever heard of someone having blue hair? Sure, it wasn't as bad as her dad's hair turning purple, but still!

The kids at school teased her more ferociously than ever, until one day she couldn't take it anymore. She decided to run away, and she resolved to _never_ come back, until she had used the dragonballs to wish her hair back to its normal color.

...That was when she first met Goku, and her life quickly became _really_ weird. Weird things were _so_ commonplace in her life that she didn't even bat an eyelid when she learned that Gohan and Videl had switched bodies.

"Let me get this straight," Bulma said. "You two switched bodies, and you want me to create a machine that will switch you back."

"If that's not too much trouble," Gohan said.

"_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!"_ Videl begged. "I don't want to be stuck living as Gohan!"

"And I don't want to be stuck as big eye Videl!" Gohan said.

"Big Eye Videl?" Videl asked. "Is there something you want to tell me, Gohan?"

"You have really big eyes," Gohan said, pointing to his face. "Like, they're over twice as tall as my old ones. I like them, but they're huge."

"Look who's talking!" Videl said. "Your eyebrows are so thick, you could probably get them cut at the barber's!"

"Calm down, you two," Bulma said. "You don't have to try to convince me that you switched bodies. I believe you. I had a run-in with Frog Captain Ginyu too, you know."

"Then you'll help us!" Gohan said. "All right, you're the best, Bulma!"

Bulma looked distressed at this statement. "I don't know how to say this, but I can't do it," she said.

"What?"

"I can't invent a machine that switches people's bodies," Bulma said.

"WHY NOT?" Videl demanded.

"Because I _already _invented that machine, five years ago!" Bulma said. "Come on, it's in the back. I'll get it for you."

"What? I don't believe this!" Gohan said. "Why'd you say you can't?"

"I just wanted to have a dramatic cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter," Bulma said.

Gohan and Videl scratched their heads in confusion as Bulma retrieved the capsule with the body-switching machine. Chapter? What was she talking about?

"Why do you have a body-switching machine anyway?" Videl asked.

"I used it to teach Vegeta a lesson one time," Bulma said. "I switched Vegeta with Dad's cat, then dropped him off at a pet hotel for three weeks."

Bulma set off the capsule, which had two helmets inside, along with a machine that looked like an old-fashioned heater. "Here, each of you put a helmet on, and I'll switch your brains."

"I thought you said you'd switch our bodies," Videl said, putting on the helmet.

"Same difference, really," Bulma shrugged.

"Okay, I don't want to complain here, but I'm pretty sure that switching our brains won't work," Gohan said. "The brain contains things like the hypothalamus and the pituitary gland, which _shouldn't_ be switched between the two of us. That'd be really dangerous."

"Don't forget the soul!" Videl said. "I always thought the soul was in the...hmmm...actually, I don't know where the soul is, but I'm pretty sure it's not in the brain."

"Hey, who's the genius here, you or me?" Bulma asked, slightly offended. "I _did _build a spaceship that made it all the way to Namek, you know. Compared to that, switching two brains is easy."

"Just because you're a rocket scientist doesn't mean you're a brain surgeon," Gohan pointed out.

"That does it," Videl said. She jammed the second helmet on Gohan and then smashed the "ON" button of Bulma's machine. Immediately, a loud electrical hum filled the room, sounding exactly like a robot boy band. The two helmets glowed orange.

"This...isn't...a...good...idea..." Gohan said in a shaky voice, as his brain was slowly being sucked away.

"Maybe...you're...right..." Videl said, in an equally shaky voice. It felt like someone turned on a blender inside her head. "We...should..."

That's when Videl and Gohan collapsed onto the ground. Bulma thought for a moment about what she should do, and she decided that she could really use a cup of coffee. So she went to the kitchen and got one.

By the time she got back, the two teens were awake.

"I'm _me_ again!" Videl said, hugging herself. "Good old short, normal-haired _me!_"

"Thank you so much, Bulma!" Gohan said. "I can't believe that actually worked!"

"No problem," Bulma said, smiling. "I'm just glad I could help. If you ever want to switch back again, just let me know!"

"Ha! As if!" Videl said.

"I dunno, I think I'd be..._interesting_ to spend time in your boyfriend's body," Bulma said, thoughtfully. "Maybe Vegeta and I should try it sometime. I bet you two learned a ton of new things about each other."

Videl almost blushed. "Yeah...maybe..." she said.

"I certainly did," Gohan said. "I learned that when you have long hair, you have to use a brush, because it's too hard to comb."

"Good to know," Videl said, rolling her eyes. She moved her arms around like she still wasn't sure they were working properly. "Cool, so I'm going to fly back home. I'll get some _normal_ clothes on, then return to school. See you later."

"I should get going, too," Gohan said. "Thanks again, Bulma."

Gohan and Videl went their separate ways, and Bulma was left alone with her thoughts.

_You know, I never __did__ wish to have my hair turn back to its original color..._ Bulma realized. _Oh well. Compared to Goku and Vegeta, I've got the most normal-looking hair in town._

* * *

Hercule was in his hospital bed, playing with his mustache. To be honest, he did this fairly often. He loved his mustache, and he sometimes called it "Sally".

"Oh, Sally, you're the greatest..." Hercule said softly.

"Who's Sally?" an angry voice said. Hercule looked up to see Chi-Chi.

"Hey, Chi-Chi," Hercule said. "Uh...what are you doing here?"

Chi-Chi sat down on the edge of his bed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've come to call a truce."

"A truce?"

"We shouldn't fight with each other anymore," Chi-Chi said. "For the sake of our children. We should be able to get along."

"I agree completely," Hercule said. "I don't like fighting with you, Chi-Chi."

"Me neither," Chi-Chi said. "I know I've said a lot of mean things, but I really _do_ like you, Hercule. You're a very strong man, who's passionate about the people he loves."

"Ah, gee," Hercule said, grinning. She was being uncharacteristically nice today!

Chi-Chi sort of blushed, which made her look cuter, in Hercule's opinion. Not that he would admit it, of course.

"It's funny," she said, inching closer towards Hercule. "If Goku hadn't come back from the dead, I thought that maybe you and I could...you know..."

"What are you saying, Chich?" Hercule asked.

"I thought we'd do this," Chi-Chi said, before closing her eyes and gently kissing him on the lips. Hercule was shocked for a moment, before he responded in kind.

"You are so beautiful to me," Hercule said.

"Your mustache tickles," Chi-Chi responded, smiling brilliantly. Her face looked like it was glowing, and the two middle-aged people were awash in their newfound love, when Goku literally blasted his way through the wall.

"Hercule!" Goku shouted. _"I'm gonna_ [bad word]_ kill you!"_

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Hercule screamed. "NO NO NO NO NO!"

Hercule thrashed in his bed sheets, screaming for dear life, when he realized it was just a dream. A horrible, horrible dream.

"Oh, GWOARH!" Hercule said. "I did _not_ just have a romantic dream about her! I did not! I did not! I did—okay, I totally did. Oh..."

Chi-Chi Son was the most interesting woman Hercule had met ever since his wife died. He tried dating only three times after that day. The first woman ended up being a thinly-veiled gold digger. The second woman openly admitted that she was only dating him because he was famous. And the third woman, a blue-haired beauty named Launch, was nice enough until she sneezed halfway through the date, and then she went completely insane.

That was when Hercule decided he would never date again. It was more important to focus on his career and his teenage daughter.

Hercule's resolve never to date again wavered once he met Chi-Chi. She was, to put it simply, a total mystery to him. She didn't _care_ that he was rich and famous. She _wasn't_ afraid to tell him exactly what she thought. He found the way she acted to be refreshing and incredibly alluring, all at the same time.

It was too bad he never built up the courage to ask her out. Hercule might be the strongest fighter in the world, and he feared no opponent in the arena, but he was still scared to talk to his crush.

"Augh!" Hercule said. "My wife is _back_ now! I love _her!_ Oh..."

* * *

Now that Gohan and Videl were back to normal, and they were both attending school again, Erasa was _finally_ able to hold her long-awaited "relationship lessons" class.

...Not that anyone besides Erasa had been waiting for it.

Erasa strode into the classroom, wearing a sassy tweed jacket and oversized glasses. "Hello, class," she said. "My name is Professor Erasa, and today, I'm going to teach you the various rules about relationships."

Only nine people were in the classroom. There were three couples: Gohan and Videl, Angela and VJ, and Barrette and her boyfriend (Tom). Sharpener was in the second row, while Erasa was standing in the front of the classroom.

Mr. Brown, the homeroom teacher, was sitting at his desk, supervising the lesson. In reality, he was reading a book called Deadly Sandwiches: The Story of the King of France and the Cow who Loved Him. But he was _supposed_ to be supervising.

"Do we _have_ to be here?" Videl asked.

"Yes," Erasa said. "I don't want to be mean, but you and Gohan don't have a...well-founded relationship. These lessons will help."

_Well-founded?_ Videl thought. _What the heck does that even __**mean?**__ Is this a relationship, or a colonial town?_

"Why am I here?" Sharpener asked. "I've never had a girlfrien—I mean, I don't have a girlfriend right now."

"You need all the help you can get," Erasa said.

"Agreed!" all the girls in the class said.

"I need new friends," Sharpener grumbled. He might be the New and Improved Sharpener, but he was entitled to be grumpy sometimes.

"Since this is our first class together, I figured we'd start with the basics," Erasa said. "There are ten general rules which ensure that your relationship is healthy and strong. Before I go over them, do you have any questions?"

"If you know so much about relationships, how come you haven't had a boyfriend for more than five days?" Videl asked. "This is the—"

"Shhh!" Gohan said. He was trying to take notes. "I can't hear over you!"

"Oh, jeez," Videl said.

"Now, Rule #1 to a healthy relationship is having the right partner," Erasa said. "I've seen a lot of girls who always end up in failed relationships, because they go after the wrong kind of guys. Either they're chasing after someone who is the complete opposite of them, or they date someone who is just like them."

"Question!" VJ said. "I thought you're _supposed_ to date someone who you have a lot in common with! That's why Angela and I got together."

"Right, but you can't have _everything_ in common with your girlfriend, or else it won't work," Erasa said. "Take Gohan and Videl for instance. They both like martial arts. That's good, because it's something they can enjoy together. But he likes reading, and she doesn't. So that's something he can enjoy without her."

"I don't understand," Gohan said.

"The ideal partner is someone who is similar to you, but different," Erasa explained. "If two people have nothing in common, their relationship won't last. If they have everything in common, the relationship won't last, either. The key is to have a balance between the two. You can enjoy doing things together as a couple, but each person should be able to have outside interests."

"I _guess_ that makes sense..." Videl said.

"Rule #2 is not to force anything," Erasa said. "This is true, even for singly people like you, Sharpener. Some people feel like there's something wrong with being single, so they force themselves into relationships. This is wrong, and it always leads to relationship failure."

"She's speaking from personal experience, I bet," Videl said to herself.

"The same thing is true when you're in a relationship," Erasa said. "If you feel like something is wrong, or that you _have_ to do something, the worst thing to do is to force it. Instead, you need to be honest about your feelings, and you should communicate them to your partner. I've known a lot of people who tried to ignore their feelings, by forcing themselves to act in a certain way. It was very destructive."

"Are you paying attention, Sharpener?" Barrette asked. "Don't force girls to do things they don't want to do—such as talking to you."

"Ow!" Sharpener said.

"Let me put it this way," Erasa said. "It's like setting ground rules for the relationship. You and your partner need to talk things out and agree on what your relationship is like, because if one person forces the other person to do things that she's not comfortable with, it is _not_ a healthy relationship."

Videl nodded, but she wasn't afraid of Gohan forcing her to do anything she was uncomfortable with. Gohan was very considerate when it comes to other people's feelings.

"Rule #3 is honesty and trust," Erasa said. "Without these, a relationship will fail. This is easy enough to prove. Let's pretend that Tom here is cheating on Barrette with her sister. He just—"

"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?" Tom shouted.

Everyone stared at him.

"Whoops," Tom said.

"TOM!" Barrette screamed. She jumped on top of her now ex-boyfriend and proceeded to beat the living daylights out of him.

"Oh no!" Erasa cried. "Mr. Brown, do something!"

The homeroom teacher looked up from his book for a second, then went back to reading. "Looks fine to me," he mumbled.

"I've got this," Videl said. She jumped over the desks and pulled Barrette off of Tom. "Barrette, no! You can't do this!"

"Why not?" the angry Barrette asked.

"Because, your form is all wrong!" Videl said. "If you want to inflict some real pain, you need to punch him like _this!_"

Videl demonstrated with a few punches.

"Thanks, Videl!" Barrette said. "You really _are_ a superhero!"

Needless to say, Erasa's class had to end early, because one of the students was sent to the nurse's office. Erasa was upset that her class was a failure, but Mr. Brown reassured her that she did a great job.

* * *

Personally, I would say that Erasa did a good job, because she got Gohan and Videl to talk about their relationship.

"So, um, the things Erasa said..." Gohan said, as the two of them left school together.

"Yeah, it's a load of garbage," Videl said. "I can't believe she made us sit through her whole 'I'm pretending to be a teacher' spiel. That's the worst—"

"I thought it was great," Gohan said softly. "I learned a lot."

"Oh," Videl said. "Well, I guess it wasn't _entirely_ useless..."

"I think we should be honest about our feelings," Gohan said. "And to be honest, I sometimes feel worried about being in a relationship with you."

"That's okay, I think," Videl said. "It's normal, right? We've never done this before."

"No, but it's more than that," Gohan said. "I'm not just scared that I don't know what I'm doing. I'm also scared that you'll get hurt or killed or something like that, and I'm scared that I'll do something bad to make you hate me, and I'm scared I'm a horrible boyfriend, and sometimes I'm even scared of you!"

"Woah, okay," Videl said, a little startled by Gohan's sudden outburst. "Calm down. You don't have to be _that_ scared. I'm not going to hurt you."

"I'm sorry," Gohan said. "It's just...I _really_ like you, Videl. I don't want to mess this up."

"I like you too," Videl said. "More than any other boy I've ever known. Isn't that enough?"

"Is it?" Gohan asked. "I don't know."

Videl sighed. "Look, if we're both committed to this relationship, it should work out fine," she said. "I know things have been...bumpy for us so far."

_If by "bumpy", you mean switching bodies, getting attacked by Frieza, Cell and Majin Buu, and let's not forget the whole Gold Fighter incident..._ Videl thought.

"But we survived all that, didn't we? Isn't that a good sign? Doesn't it mean our relationship is stronger?" Videl asked.

Gohan scratched his chin, until a thought struck him. What if relationships were like Saiyans? If a Saiyan recovers from a near-death experience, their power level increases dramatically. Maybe Saiyan relationships were the same way! These problems didn't _destroy_ his relationship with Videl; the problems just made the relationship stronger!

"Our relationship is at Super Saiyan power levels!" Gohan said. "It's strong enough to destroy any foe!"

"...You lost me," Videl said.

"You're right!" Gohan said, grabbing Videl's shoulders. "I'll try my hardest not to worry anymore! Instead, I'm going to enjoy being the boyfriend of the best girl I've ever met!"

"Are you trying to confuse me, seduce me, or both?" Videl asked.

"What's a seduce?" Gohan asked.

"Okay, _that's_ a problem," Videl said. "You have _no_ romantic vocabulary, you know that?"

"I'm sorry," Gohan apologized.

"Don't be," Videl said. "I think it's kind of cute. And _Dad_ is certainly happy that you're not trying to get into my pants."

"Get into your...? But your clothes are too small for me," Gohan said.

Videl gave Gohan a sideways hug. "You know, part of the reason I've never had a boyfriend before is because boys are too much of a hassle," she said. "But I have a feeling that this is going to be worth it."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Hey, this is Chapter 48! I think I'll try to stretch things out to Chapter 50 before ending.


	49. A Movie

_Eight months later..._

*HONK!*

"WOAH!" Goku shouted, jerking the steering wheel to the right to avoid a collision.

*HOOOONK!*

"Uh oh!" Goku said as the hovercar went up on the sidewalk almost hit a mailbox.

"What are you trying to do, KILL US?" Chi-Chi yelled from the passenger's seat. With both her hands, she clutched her bulging belly. "I'm _pregnant! Drive slowly!_"

"Hey, I don't have a driver's license!" Goku said. "This is really tough, too!"

"I'll drive on the way back home," Gohan volunteered.

"Thank you, Gohan," Chi-Chi said. "That's very...UGH!"

Chi-Chi cried out in pain and grabbed her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Goku asked. "Is it the baby?"

"Oh..." Chi-Chi moaned. Then she smacked Goku's shoulder. "The baby's kicking because _you can't drive!_"

"Sorry Gofei!" Goku said.

_"We're not calling our baby Gofei!"_ Chi-Chi snapped. "No more names that start with 'Go'!"

"Can we call it Hamburger?" Goten asked.

"No!" Chi-Chi said.

"That's because cheeseburgers are better!" Goku said. "We'll call him Cheeseburger!"

"NO!" Chi-Chi yelled. She moaned in pain as the baby kept kicking. As you might expect, Saiyan babies give more painful kicks than human babies do.

Goku suddenly slammed on the brakes, and everyone was thrown forward.

"_Goku, you idiot! Why did you stop?_" Chi-Chi yelled.

"We're here!" Goku said, and he was right. They were outside of Hercule's mansion. They left the car, and went to the front door.

"Ring the doorbell," Chi-Chi ordered.

"I have a key," Gohan said, pulling said key out of his pocket.

"Ugh," Chi-Chi said. She was still shaken up from the car drive. "I'm not sure I like the idea of my son having a key to his girlfriend's house."

"It was Hercule's idea," Gohan said. "He gave it to me."

"_Suuure _he did," Chi-Chi said.

"I'm serious!" Gohan said. "He said something like, 'I've had enough of your weirdo flying to my house like a helicopter without any wings! From now on, you use the door like a _normal_ person!'"

Goten giggled at his brother's impersonation of Hercule.

"I still don't know how such a sweet girl like Videl can have such a dolt for a father," Chi-Chi said.

Gohan was still kind of amazed at Chi-Chi's new attitude towards Videl. Only two months before, Chi-Chi called Videl an "evil seductress who thinks she's a boy". But after Prom Night, Chi-Chi finally admitted that Videl and Gohan were a cute couple.

"I'm just glad that there's a woman out there who can make my Gohan so happy," Chi-Chi had said, crying. "Oh, my baby boy is all grown up and getting married!"

"We're just going to Prom!" Gohan had protested. "We're not getting married!"

"No, I can tell," Chi-Chi had said. "You two will get married someday. There's no way you could love another woman the way you love Videl. Even if that's woman is your *sniff* mother!"

Chi-Chi burst into tears at that statement. Gohan and Videl decided to sneak away, before she recovered.

"We're here!" Goku called into the mansion, shaking Gohan out of his memories of the prom. It was a great night, except for the fire that Goten accidentally started when he tried to sneak in to see Gohan and Videl. She was wearing a dazzling blue...oh, great, there he goes again, thinking about the prom.

"It's about time!" a voice called back. "We're in the TV room!"

Goku and his family went into the TV room, where Videl and her family, along with some friends, were waiting.

"Mr. Hercules!" Goten said, jumping towards his hero.

"Hey, kiddo!" Hercule said, rubbing Goten's hair. "Hey, Goku! Hey, Chi—wow, you're fat."

"I'm in my third trimester!" Chi-Chi said. "Of course I've put on weight!"

Hercule just grinned like an idiot. Seeing what a pregnant Chi-Chi was like had instantly caused him to stop having a crush on her, and he couldn't be happier about that.

"It's nice to see you again," Denaira, Hercule's wife, said.

"I saved a seat for you," Videl said, pointing at a spot on the couch. Gohan sat down and put his arm around her. She wrapped her arm around him and smiled.

"So what's this movie you want us to see?" Goku asked.

Hercule cleared his throat. "I am proud to say that after _Hercule Defeats Cell_ made over two hundred million dollars, they decided to shoot back-to-back sequels: _Hercule Defeats Frieza_ and _The Cell Games, Part Two_."

"Tell us something we _don't_ know already," Sharpener said. They made him sign a release form for the movies, so he already knew they were in production.

"I got an advance copy," Hercule said, holding it up.

"It's not even in theaters yet!" Erasa gasped. "Are you serious?"

Hercule just grinned as he put the movie in the player and pressed the "play" button.

* * *

The screen was black for a few seconds, and then a shot of the coastline appeared onscreen.

"Waves and rocks!" an invisible chorus sang. Then the title slides came onscreen.

_Waves and Rocks Entertainment Presents..._

_The Cell Games, Part Two_

_Based on a True Story_

The screen went to black again, before the final title card.

_Seven Years Ago..._

Clips from the previous movie, with scenes of Hercule fighting Cell, flashed on the screen.

"Ha ha ha ha! I have defeated you, Cell Monster!" Hercule cried.

"Hercule is so strong," the actor playing Goku said.

"I wish I were him," the actor playing Vegeta said.

As some police officers put Cell in handcuffs and took him away, a young girl skipped on the scene. She went straight to Hercule and gave him a great big hug.

"You saved the world!" she said. "I love you, Daddy!"

"I love you too, Videl," Hercule said. "With Cell defeated, I can rest easy, knowing that nothing bad will ever happen to you!"

Happy music played as the screen faded to black.

* * *

"That was a short movie," Goku commented.

"That's just the beginning!" Videl snapped. Her hands clenched into fists. She didn't know that they would actually put _her_ in the movie! They'd probably mess things up and make her look stupid!

Gohan tried rubbing Videl's back with one hand, to ease her tension. "Hey, it won't be that bad..." he said.

"Easy for _you_ to say," Videl said. "_You're_ not in this movie."

"Hey, hands off my daughter!" Hercule shouted.

"Hands off Videl!" Chi-Chi echoed.

"I'm just trying to help her..." Gohan muttered, as he put his hands back in his lap.

* * *

_Seven Years Later..._

The scene was Orange Star High School. The camera did a slow pan around the room, until it settled on the actress playing Videl. She didn't look much like Videl—in fact, she was a little on the chubby side—but she was one of the stars of the soap opera that Vegeta always watched, so they gave her the role. She was standing next to a tall, muscular hunk.

Videl hugged him, in the same way Little Videl hugged her father in the previous scene.

"I love you!" she said.

"I love you too, Videl," the man replied.

With the romance out of the way, the two actors proceeded to make out.

"Woooooooooo! Get a room, you two!" someone called. Funky music played as a blonde bombshell entered the room.

"Sorry, Erasa!" Videl said. "I can't help myself! He's so _HOT!_"

(The real Videl, watching this, felt the urge to punch someone. Hard.)

"Yeah, but if it gets any hotter, you'll set off the fire alarm!" Erasa joked.

Erasa made her way to her seat, next to a nerdy kid with huge glasses and a suit. He glumly watched Videl making out with her boyfriend.

"You okay?" Erasa asked.

"I don't get it," the boy said glumly. "Why does Videl hang out with _him_ and not me? He doesn't even _like_ her! He's only dating her because her dad is famous."

"Sounds to me like you're jealous," Erasa said.

"Maybe I'm a little jealous," the boy admitted. "But I just don't get it! Why is it that all the girls go for jerks like Sharpener instead of nice guys like me?"

"It's okay, Gohan," Erasa said, patting him on the arm. "I'm sure you'll get your first kiss someday."

* * *

At this point, our heroes had to pause the movie, in order to prevent Videl from destroying the television.

"I got a makeout scene with Videl!" Sharpener screamed. "I got a makeout scene with Videl! THAT IS THE GREATEST—!"

Videl turned and hit Sharpener. He flew across the room and slid on the floor until he reached the feet of an angry-looking blue-haired girl.

"Uh, hey, Barrette," Sharpener said. "This isn't what it looks like."

"So you _weren't_ rejoicing over the fact that you got to kiss Videl in the movie?" Barrette asked.

"Oh, come on, it's not like that!" Sharpener said, getting up and trying. "The only girl I love is _you_, I swear!"

It had taken two months of Sharpener learning how to act like a normal human being, and one month of behind-the-scenes interference from Erasa, but Barrette had finally agreed to go out with Sharpener. Their relationship was rockier than a geologist convention, but they made a surprisingly good couple.

"I can't believe they turned me into a nerd!" Gohan said. "There is nothing nerdy about me!"

Erasa had to hold back a fit of giggles.

"They made me kiss Sharpener!" Videl said. "What were they thinking? I don't even kiss _Gohan_ like that!"

"And you never will, right?" Hercule asked.

"No comment," Videl said.

"That means she already has," Denaira said.

"_It does not!_" Videl said.

"Yeah, I think I'd remember a kiss like that," Gohan said.

"It's okay, Gohan," Erasa said, patting him on the arm just like the Erasa in the movie did. "I'm sure you'll get your first kiss someday."

* * *

The movie continued playing, without any interruptions. You could kind of tell that it was made by the soap opera people, because the actors were repeating a storyline from the previous summer, about a girl whose boyfriend was cheating on her.

In this case, Sharpener was the Bad Boy Super Hunk, who was cheating on Videl with Gohan's sister, Goten.

(The real Goten did _not_ find this amusing. Neither did Chi-Chi.)

About half an hour into the movie, after a scene of Erasa playing the comedy relief, the movie started to get really interesting, with a scene at Gohan's house.

"I can't be with you, Sharpener," Goten said. "What about Videl?"

"I broke up with her last month," Sharpener said. "We're not seeing each other anymore."

"Really?" Goten asked.

"Yeah, it didn't work between us," Sharpener said. "I never liked her that much, anyway. _You're_ the girl I love."

"Oh, Sharpener!" Goten cooed. She kissed him passionately, and the camera moved around to show Gohan in the doorway, watching the entire scene with his mouth open.

The next scene was Gohan telling everything to Erasa.

"She's my _sister!_" Gohan said. "And he's supposed to be dating Videl! How could he _do_ that?"

"I guess he's one of those guys who only cares about getting as many girls as possible," Erasa said.

"I have to warn Videl!" Gohan said. "She needs to know that he's cheating on her!"

"But Gohan, if you tell her, she won't believe you," Erasa said. "And if she _does_ believe you, she'll hate you forever for telling the truth."

"Don't you see?" Gohan asked. "This is my only chance to date Videl and get my first kiss!"

"You don't _have_ to get Videl!" Erasa said. "Maybe there's another girl in school who's perfectly willing to kiss you! Maybe she's talking to you _right now!_"

"Huh? But there's no one talking to me except you," Gohan said.

"Forget it," Erasa said. She stormed off, as overly dramatic music started playing.

"Stupid Gohan!" Erasa said, trying hard not to cry. The actress playing her wasn't very good, so the tears were incredibly fake. "He says he doesn't know why girls don't like him, but _I_ like him! He wishes Videl would pay attention to him, well, I wish he would pay attention to me!"

"Oh, drama," a deep voice said.

"Huh?" Erasa asked. "Who's there?"

"Hello," Cell said, stepping towards Erasa. "You're going to be my victim today."

Erasa screamed.

* * *

Back in real life, Gohan said, "So wait, I'm confused. Am I supposed to like Erasa or Videl?"

"Duh, it's so obvious!" Sharpener said. "Gohan likes Videl, but he can't see that Erasa is the perfect girl for him!"

"Story of my life," Erasa said.

"Oh, that is _so_ not true," Videl said. "You've had more boyfriends than I can count!"

"Yeah, but half of them _don't_ count!" Erasa said.

"Think you guys can discuss your love lives later?" Barrette asked. "I can't hear the movie."

* * *

Back in the movie, things were finally getting exciting. Cell was holding Erasa hostage, and he demanded a rematch fight against Hercule. The police told Hercule not to go, because it was probably a trap, and Cell would kill him on sight.

The movie's heroes, however, refused.

"I can't believe that Cell kidnapped my best friend!" Videl said.

"I can't believe he broke out of maximum security prison," Sharpener said.

"We've got to do something!" Videl cried.

Sharpener puffed out his chest. "Babe, I'll save Erasa for you!"

"Oh, Sharpener, you're so brave!" Videl said, kissing him again.

_Plus, if I save her life, she'll want to go out with me!_ Sharpener thought, smirking. _Three chicks at once! That's five short of my all-time record!_

(The real Sharpener fainted from sheer joy when he heard this.)

Gohan in the movie had similar thoughts. "If I save Erasa, I'll be a hero, and Videl will finally notice me!" he said. "Plus, I don't want to see Erasa get killed, either! She's the only girl in school who's nice to me!"

Gohan took off his huge glasses and ripped off his suit. Like most movie stars, he was somewhat buff. Not as buff as the actor playing Sharpener, and nowhere near as buff as the real Gohan, but he was definitely in shape.

There was an exciting action sequence as Sharpener tried to break into Cell's hideout, but he got captured. Then Videl tried to break in the hideout, but _she_ got captured. Even Goten tried to rescue the other people, but she was captured as well.

With all four teenagers—played by actors in their 30's—trapped inside Cell's hideout, Erasa revealed that Sharpener was dating both Videl and Goten at the same time. In what the Real Videl would call "the best scene in the entire movie", the three girls beat up Sharpener.

Meanwhile, Hercule himself decided to ignore the police's warnings, and he went in to fight Cell. There was a dramatic confrontation between Hercule and Cell, but Cell used one of his tricks. A bomb exploded right at Hercule's feet, knocking him unconscious.

"Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, but I have won!" Cell said. "And now, _I will destroy the entire world!_"

Cell brought out all sorts of bombs, and everyone was very worried for a minute or so, until Gohan entered the room, looking very heroic. "Stop right there, Cell!" he commanded.

"Is that..._Gohan?_" Goten asked.

"The nerdy boy?" Videl asked. "When did he get so...hot?"

"That's what _I_ want to know," Erasa said, drooling.

"You're too late!" Cell said. He pulled out his remote control. "When I press this button, the world will explode!"

Gohan lunged forward and struggled with Cell for a few moments. The remote control flew out of Cell's hands and slid towards the cage where Videl and the others were being held captive. Videl reached her hand through the bars, and she was almost able to grab the remote, when...

"HA!" Cell said, grabbing the remote. "Prepare to die!"

He pressed the detonator button and smiled triumphantly for a few seconds.

"Oh, but I am alive!" Cell said. "Why is the world not blown up?"

"I programmed a virus on my TI-83 graphic calculator, then uploaded it to your computer," Gohan said. "Your entire network is down, now!"

"Oh, but I am scared!" Cell said.

"You don't have your tricks to hide behind anymore!" Gohan said. "Take _this!_"

Gohan fought with Cell for a moment, until the green menace managed to throw him aside.

"You cannot defeat me! I am Cell!" Cell said. "The most evil, the most—"

"_You're goin' down, Cell!_" Hercule shouted.

"What?" Cell asked. "But...how are you still alive?"

"You think a little explosion can stop me?" Hercule said. "I'll make you pay for what you've done!"

Hercule fought with Cell and defeated him, while Gohan found the keys and unlocked the door to the makeshift prison.

"You're a hero, Gohan!" Goten said.

"You're the best!" Erasa said.

"You saved my life," Videl said. "Oh, thank you, thank you!"

She moved in to kiss Gohan, but he jumped back.

"No," Gohan said.

"What?" Videl asked.

"Videl..." Gohan said. "I've been waiting so long for you to notice me. I used to dream about having my first kiss with you. But...someone else deserves it more."

"Whaaaaat?" Goten asked.

Gohan got down on one knee, and he pulled a flower out of nowhere. He grabbed Erasa's hand, looked lovingly into her eyes, and asked, "Erasa, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, YES!" Erasa cheered. She tackled him and the two rolled around on the ground for a bit, kissing each other madly.

"Are you _sure_ you haven't done this before?" Erasa asked. "You're really good!"

"Beginner's luck, maybe?" Gohan asked.

"Aw..." Goten said. "Big brother finally has a girlfriend!"

"Hey, that's fine with me," Videl said. "I didn't _need_ a rebound relationship anyway. After Sharpener, I think I'll stay away from boys for a while."

"You said it, sister," Goten said.

The two girls hugged each other and walked off, chatting amicably. Because in Hollywood, it is totally realistic for two complete strangers to become best friends in less than an hour, even though they both were dating the same guy.

_The End._

* * *

"That was the best movie ever!" Goten said.

"I am going to sue whoever made that," Videl promised.

"Ah, come on, I thought it was kind of funny!" Goku said.

"But they got everything wrong!" Gohan said. "I'm not in love with Erasa! And the Gold Fighter wasn't even _in_ that movie!"

"But he _is_ in the other one!" Hercule said, holding up the next movie. "Let's watch _Hercule Defeats Frieza!_"

"All right!" Goten said.

"No!" Videl and Gohan said.

"Waaaaaugh!" Chi-Chi cried, grabbing her stomach. "I think my water just broke!"

_"What?"_ everyone asked.

"We have to go to the hospital, NOW!" Chi-Chi ordered.

"I'll start boiling water!" Hercule screamed.

In the ensuing chaos, Chi-Chi took a moment to look up and wink at Gohan. Within three minutes, the entertainment room was deserted, except for Gohan and Videl.

"Did your mom just fake labor pains so we wouldn't have to see the movie?" Videl asked.

"I think so," Gohan said.

"Wow," Videl said. "Maybe she won't make such a bad mother-in-law after all."


	50. Six Years Later

_Six Years Later..._

Erasa and Videl were having dinner together, at Hercule's mansion. (Yes, she still lives with her parents. No, she's not happy about it.)

It was a pleasant evening, and Videl enjoyed catching up with her friend, after having not seen her for two months. Things went well until Erasa brought up a subject that made Videl very testy.

"So, about you and Gohan..." Erasa said.

"Oh no, we are _not _having this conversation again," Videl interrupted. "There is _nothing wrong with us!_"

"I think the problem is that you're in Relationship Purgatory," Erasa said.

"Relationship Purgatory, really?" Videl said. "That's a new one."

"The two of you are stuck in a rut," Erasa said. "You're the best couple I know, but you're both afraid to do anything serious."

"I told you, Gohan and I haven't had sex because we don't want kids," Videl said. "We need to get our own lives in order first. We can't even afford our own apartment yet."

"Your parents are _millionaires!_" Erasa said. "They could _buy you a house_ if you needed it! And that's not what I'm talking about, anyway. I'm talking about marriage."

"We're too young to get married," Videl said. "Just because _you_ got engaged doesn't mean everyone else has to."

"Angela got married!" Erasa said. "And even Sharpener got married!"

"Yeah, three times," Videl said. "God, why'd he break up with Barrette? She was the best thing that ever happened to him."

"The _point_ is that you and Gohan will be the only single people at our next high school reunion," Erasa said. "And considering that you're the _only_ pair of high school sweethearts that hasn't broken up yet, that's pretty sad."

"This is why I don't invite you over more often," Videl said.

* * *

Gohan wasn't with Videl that night, because he decided to go to his parents' house for dinner. Chi-Chi always cooked better food than the slop they served in the school cafeteria.

"I'm here!" Gohan called, as he entered the house.

A pink-and-black blur attached itself to Gohan's leg. "Gohan!" she screamed.

"Hi, Chi-Chi!" Gohan said, rubbing his little sister's head. "How's it going?"

"Daddy's teaching me how to go Stuper Saiyan!" Chi-Chi said. "He says I'm gonna win the champion fight!"

"Really..." Gohan said. "Aren't you too young for that?"

"I'm almost seven!" Chi-Chi said. "And I'm really strong! Watch!"

Chi-Chi hit Gohan's leg. "Ow!" Gohan cried.

"Oh, she's good, but she won't be able to beat _me_," Goten said, stepping into the room. "I'm gonna win the Junior Division this year."

"Hey, Goten," Gohan greeted his twelve-year-old brother. "Didn't Trunks beat you in the last two tournaments?"

"That was just luck!" Goten said. "I'm gonna get him this year, you just wait!"

"Yes, yes, yes, everyone wants to win this year," Chi-Chi said, coming into the room. She gave Gohan a hug. "Hello Gohan, it's wonderful to see you again," she said. "Everyone here won't stop talking about the World Martial Arts Tournament. It's driving me nuts!"

"Aren't you going to enter this year?" Gohan asked.

"No," Chi-Chi said. "I got third place last time. That's as good as I'll ever get, with your father and Vegeta in the competition. Why try for anything more?"

In the previous tournament, Chi-Chi got the luck of the draw, when it came to who got to fight who. She was paired against two weak fighters who didn't even know how to use energy techniques, and she made it to the final four without any real effort. By contrast, Gohan had the bad luck to be paired against Vegeta in the first round, and the Saiyan Prince won.

Goku beat Vegeta in the second round, though. The final four fighters that year ended up being Goku, Chi-Chi, Hercule and Videl, in that order. Goku beat Chi-Chi, while Hercule beat Videl. (I'm pretty sure she lost on purpose.) Goku then beat Hercule in the final round to become the World Champion again.

"Well, _I_ hope I win this year," Gohan said. "I need the money for...I need the money."

Chi-Chi's eyes narrowed. "You were going to say something. What do you need the money for?"

Gohan rubbed the back of his neck, in a sure sign of nervousness. "For school?"

"He's lying, Mommy," Chi-Chi Junior said. "You shouldn't lie, Gohan! That's bad!"

"Hey, grad school is expensive!" Gohan said. "And I've got several years to go!"

"Uh huh, and Orange Star College is paying for the whole thing, because you agreed to work for them once you get a teaching degree," Chi-Chi said. "So what's the money for?"

"I...uh...I..." Gohan said.

"Is it an engagement ring?" Chi-Chi asked. "Is Videl pregnant?"

"NO!" Gohan shouted. _Oh man, that's way worse than the truth!_

"Good," Chi-Chi said. "I want grandchildren, but not yet. That goes for you too, Goten!"

"Hey, I don't have a girlfriend yet!" Goten said.

"None of the girls like him," Chi-Chi Junior whispered to Gohan.

"That's not true!" Goten said. "I just...accidentally blew up half of the lockers in school, and everyone's mad at me!"

"Gee, you're as accident-prone as Dad," Gohan said.

"Where is your father, anyway?" Chi-Chi asked. "He was supposed to bring out the food ten minutes ago. GOKU! WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?"

"I'm—gulp—right here, Chew-Chew!" Goku's voice called from the kitchen.

"Chew-Chew?" Gohan asked.

"He's a train driver!" Chi-Chi Junior said. "Choo choo!"

Everyone went to the kitchen, where the pile of empty plates made it obvious that Goku had been chewing all right—on everyone's dinner! Instead of taking the food to the table, Goku had eaten it all in the kitchen. Chi-Chi yelled a lot, then they all went out for dinner, instead.

* * *

_Two Weeks Later..._

A crowd of sports reporters, talking into microphones, were gathered near the tournament sign-up station.

"Goku is expected to win the championship for the fourth time in his life—"

"Fan favorite Videl is expecting to get farther this year than ever before—"

"I ordered pepperoni pizza, but they gave me ham and pineapple—worst service ever!"

"There are more announcers than last time," Goku noted, as he and his family (minus Gohan) walked into the area.

"Hey, look, Trunks and his family area here!" Goten said, pointing ahead.

"Wow, the girls have gotten bigger," Chi-Chi noted.

I suppose I should explain this comment. Once Vegeta learned that Chi-Chi was pregnant with Chi-Chi Junior, he absolutely _insisted_ on having another child, because he couldn't stand being outdone by Goku in the children department. It was two months later that Bulma became pregnant herself.

Bulma gave birth to twin girls named Bulla and Bra. They both looked like miniature versions of their mother. Videl liked to call them "The Terrible Twins", because they inherited their father's temper.

"I hope your family is prepared to LOSE, Kakarott!" Vegeta said.

"Losers!" Bra (or was it Bulla?) said.

"Ha ha!" Bulla (or was it Bra?) agreed.

"First, second and third place in the Junior Division will go to my children," Vegeta said. "And I'm going to win the Upper Division!"

"Dude, _how_ many times have you fought my dad?" Goten asked.

"Five or six," Vegeta said.

"And _how_ many times has Dad beaten your sorry butt?" Goten asked. "_Every_ time?"

"That doesn't matter!" Vegeta snapped, which meant _yes_. "I will win this time and restore my honor as Prince of All Saiyans!"

* * *

Videl and Gohan weren't there, because they had already signed up for the tournament. They were currently wandering around the fairgrounds, trying to find their friends. Erasa tried to schedule an impromptu Orange Star High class reunion.

"Where are they?" Videl asked, looking around. "I think Erasa said we were supposed to meet up here!"

"Hey, there's no rush, right?" Gohan said. "Let's enjoy the fair for a bit, then try to find them!"

"Since when are _you_ a fair person?" Videl asked.

"Well, I...I just thought it'd be romantic," Gohan said. "Kind of? We started dating at the World Martial Arts Tournament, six years ago..."

"I remember," Videl said. "It was the best first kiss ever...except for the part where we missed and you hit me in the eye."

"That was an accident!" Gohan said. "And you said it didn't count!"

"It doesn't," Videl said. "But still, maybe we should celebrate our anniversary without another kiss on international television..."

"Or you two could get married at the tournament!" Erasa said, popping out of nowhere. "That's what your parents did, right, Gohan?"

"Augh!" Gohan cried. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"There you are," Videl said. "Where's everyone else?"

"Mr. Brown is reading a book like always," Erasa said. "And I left Barrette with—"

"YOU ARE THE BIGGEST IDIOT I'VE EVER MET!" someone shouted.

"...Sharpener," Erasa said. "I think I'd better check on them."

Erasa ran towards the sound of the shouting.

"You left _them_ alone? Are you crazy?" Videl asked.

"I thought they might decide to get back together!" Erasa said. "They're a cute couple!"

"After their huge breakup? You're an idiot," Videl said.

It wasn't long before they found a red-faced Barrette, shouting at the top of her lungs. Sharpener was crouched in a corner, in the fetal position.

"Woah, woah!" Videl said. "Barrette, what's wrong?"

"He's a total sleazeball, that's what's wrong!" Barrette said. "I thought he changed, but the second we broke up, he started chasing after every girl in sight."

"I thought you'd be happy to hear I broke up with Lizzie!" Sharpener said.

"Lizzie?" Videl asked.

"Elizabeth Bennett," Sharpener said. "My ex-wife. She's a clever, young woman with four sisters and an estate in Merryton."

"I bet she's some trashy, no-good—"

"She's not real," Gohan said.

Everyone looked at him.

"Elizabeth Bennett is the main character in the book Pride and Prejudice," Gohan said.

Sharpener looked embarrassed. "Well, uh...the girl I married _before_ her was real! Juliet Capulet was—"

"She's from _Romeo and Juliet_!" Videl said.

"Uh...um...my first wife was Jane Eyre, and—"

"Is she the girl from Jane Eyre?" Barrette asked.

"Gohan, you idiot!" Sharpener said. "Why'd you have to open your big mouth? Now everyone knows I stole my wives from Mr. Brown's romance books!"

"Why on _Earth_ would you pretend to marry someone from a book?" Barrette asked.

"For your information, I was trying to make you jealous!" Sharpener said. "But no _real_ girl would go out with me, so I thought no one would notice if I just said I married someone in a book! And no one _did_ notice, until Braniac here went all English Major on me!"

"And _why_ did you invent a bunch of fake wives, to make me jealous?" Barrette asked.

"Because I still like you, duh!" Sharpener said. "I want to get back together again! You're the only girl I love, and—"

"Let's get out of here," Videl said, pulling on Gohan's sleeve.

"Okay," Gohan agreed. As they walked away, they pretended not to hear the sound of Barrette slapping Sharpener.

* * *

"I plan on regaining my lost championship title!" Hercule said to the crowd of reporters. "Goku and I have met in the championship round in the last two tournaments, and he _is_ a worthy opponent, but this year, he's gonna lose!"

"Hercule! Hercule! Hercule!" some crowd members chanted.

"Goku! Goku! Goku!" other crowd members chanted.

"What? No, Hercule!"

"GOKU!"

Pretty soon, a fist fight broke out among the crowd, and Hercule's speech had to be called off early. Hercule slumped away.

"Heh heh heh, nice speech there, Champ!" someone said, patting Hercule on the back.

"Oh, hey there...Krillin," Hercule said, taking a second to remember the short man's name. "You're Goku's friend, right?"

"Yeah, and so are you," Krillin said. "Why do you pretend that you've got a huge rivalry going on?"

"It gets the crowd excited, that's all," Hercule said. "They like to think that the two champions hate each other's guts."

"Yeah, well, I just hope Eighteen gets paired against you in the first round again," Krillin said. "Thanks to you, we were finally able to buy our own house!"

"Shhh! Not so loud!" Hercule said. "Someone could hear!"

Krillin laughed. "Come on, Champ, let's go to the qualifying rounds."

This year, the qualifying rounds were determined by who could get the highest score on the latest Super Mario game. The idea was that it would test someone's reflexes and split-second timing, but really, it was because the person running the tournament likes videogames.

As you would expect, most of our heroes qualified. The only one who didn't was Piccolo, who died after half a minute. He started cursing and left angrily. His spot in the tournament was taken by Dende, who plays videogames almost every day.

* * *

"Time for the World Martial Arts Tournament, Junior Division!" the announcer cried.

"Oh, sure, they let _everyone_ into the Junior Division, but not the _real_ tournament," Piccolo grumbled.

"You lost, get over it!" Vegeta snapped.

"Just out of curiosity, how many people do we know who are in the Junior Division?" Videl asked.

"Well, there's Goten and Trunks, and Chi-Chi and Bra and Bulla, and Marron and...I think that's it."

"So we know the top six fighters," Videl said.

"Pretty much," Gohan agreed.

"I'll go get some food," Goku offered. "The first few rounds are always boring."

"The first match is ten-year-old Marron versus six-year-old Chi-Chi!" the announcer said.

"Never mind!" Goku said. "This'll be awesome!"

"Are you two ready?" the announcer asked.

"Yes," Marron said, getting into a fighting stance.

"What happened to your nose?" Chi-Chi asked.

"My nose is just fine!" Marron said. "It's just a little small, that's all."

"You don't have a nose!" Chi-Chi said. "That's weird!"

"All right, you two, no more trash talk," the announcer said. "Fight!"

Marron lunged forward with a punch, while Chi-Chi did the same thing. Marron's punch connected first, mostly because her arms are longer, and Chi-Chi landed on the ground.

"Hey!" Chi-Chi said. "Not fair!"

Chi-Chi ran in close to Marron. Marron got in a defensive stance, expecting that Chi-Chi was doing a running punch. She was wrong. As soon as Chi-Chi got close, she jumped up and punched Marron in the middle of her face.

Marron staggered backwards, grabbing her face. "Oh, crap! I think you broke my nose!"

"You don't _have_ a nose," Chi-Chi said.

"Where's the first aid station?" Marron cried, running away. "I need help!"

"And Chi-Chi wins with a punch to the nose!" the announcer said. "The next match is six-year-old Bra versus six year-old Bulla!"

"WHAT?" Vegeta yelled. "You can't pit my children together! That's gotta be against the rules!"

"Looks like they both won't make it to the finals after all," Gohan said.

"Shut up, spawn of Kakarott!"

"You're...twins?" the announcer asked.

"Yes," both girls said at the same time.

"Uh...okay...FIGHT!" he said.

The two girls started fighting, and it was obviously that Vegeta had been training them harder than any six-year-old should be trained. Punches and kicks flew like birds, and the announcer did his best to keep up.

"And Bra has kicked Bulla in the—no wait, that Bra—I mean, Bulla seems to be on the ropes and—is that Bra?—oh, who cares? One of them seems to be losing and, no, wait, they look pretty evenly-matched to me!"

The match went on for five minutes, as you would expect. Junior Division Rules say that after five minutes, if no one has won yet, the judges pick a winner. The judges decided to give the victory to Bulla, because they weren't comfortable announcing Bra's name on the PA system.

"Bulla wins!" the announcer said. "Next is seven-year-old Steven versus eight-year-old Stephen!"

"Your name is spelled incorrectly!" Stephen yelled.

"No, yours!" Steven yelled. The two boys started punching each other like crazy.

The rest of Round One wasn't very interesting. Goten and Trunks both were pitted against easy opponents, and they won quickly.

The first match of Round Two was Chi-Chi versus Bulla.

"KILL HER!" Vegeta screamed. "I WANT YOU TO DESTROY THE SPAWN OF KAKAROTT!"

"Okay, you need to calm down," Bulma said. "You're getting way too intense for your daughter's sports games."

"Yeah, and besides, my daughter is going to win," Chi-Chi said. "She's older, trained by a better fighter, and she has a great first name."

"Six-year-old Chi-Chi versus six-year-old Bulla," the announcer said. "I think these two fighters will be evenly matched!"

It was the most intense fight of Chi-Chi's young life. Chi-Chi was stronger, but Bulla kept using a bunch of fancy techniques that Vegeta had taught her. Specifically, Bulla kept using the "phase out and phase in somewhere else" technique, and Chi-Chi didn't know how to counter it.

"One minute left!" the announcer said. "And it looks like Bulla has the upper hand!"

Chi-Chi tried to kick Bulla, but she phased out. Bulla then phased in behind Chi-Chi's head and smashed her to the ground.

"Give up, loser!" Bulla said, firmly planting her foot on Chi-Chi's back.

"No, no, no, NO!" Chi-Chi screamed. "That's...not...FAIR!"

A golden glow enveloped Chi-Chi as she became the world's first female Super Saiyan. She got up and flew at Bulla, fist outstretched.

Bulla smirked and phased out. Chi-Chi quickly spun around, with a roundhouse kick.

"Ow!" two voices cried.

Chi-Chi turned around. Lying on the ground were Bra and Bulla. Both of them were clutching their legs.

"Huh?" the announcer asked. "How'd the other twin get here?"

"Hey, they were cheating!" Goku said. "Whenever one of them phased out, the other one phased in! That way, they could always be at full strength!"

Vegeta cursed. That trick had been _his_ idea, and now it was exposed!

"Bulla is disqualified!" the announcer said. "Victory goes to Chi-Chi, and unless I'm mistaken, she's the younger sister of Gohan Son, the Gold Fighter!"

"WHAAAAT?" Gohan yelled. "He can't announce my secret identity in public like that!"

"Gohan, everyone figured it out years ago," Videl said. "They just didn't tell you."

"Really?" Gohan asked. "That's...wow."

When the twins made their way back to the stands, Vegeta was absolutely beside himself with anger.

"I am going to train you losers until you're Super Saiyans, too!" Vegeta shouted. "We can't let Kakarott win!"

"We don't wanna fight anymore!" Bra said.

"Yeah, can't we play soccer like normal kids?" Bulla asked. "Fighting hurts!"

"You shut your mouths!" Vegeta yelled. "Don't make me eject you into outer space!"

"Um, excuse me, sir," a policeman said, tapping Vegeta's shoulder. "We've been having noise complaints from this section."

"I'm busy taking care of my useless children!" Vegeta yelled. "Now, if you don't become Super Saiyans on your own, I will beat you within an inch of your lives, until you—"

"Sir!" the officer said. "You can't threaten violence as a means of discipline!"

"Threaten, nothing!" Vegeta said. "I've hit them dozens of times! And they're still—"

"You're under arrest for child abuse," the officer said, pulling out his handcuffs.

Vegeta was not let out of jail until forty hours later, when Bulma managed to convince the authorities that Vegeta was referring to martial arts training, and he did not actually hit his children to punish them. Vegeta was still required to take a state-mandated course on child abuse, which was a very good thing, because if _anyone_ needs to learn about why verbal abuse is wrong, it's Vegeta.


	51. The End

Goten and Trunks fought each other in the third round of the Junior Division. Despite his best efforts, Goten lost by ringout. He later claimed that he would have won, but he was too hungry to concentrate properly.

Trunks ended up fighting Chi-Chi in the final round of the Junior Division. He thought it would be a good challenge to fight her as his normal self, while she was a Super Saiyan. It'd make the fight a more even match, seeing as she was under half his age and had no experience.

When he woke up in the hospital two days later, Trunks learned never to underestimate a Super Saiyan again.

"And the winner of the Junior Division is the six-year-old Chi-Chi!" the announcer said into the microphone. "I don't know where she learned how to do the Gold Fighter Transformation, but it certainly helped lead her to victory!"

"My daddy taught me," Chi-Chi said.

"Yes, that's right," the announcer said. "Little Chi-Chi here is the daughter of the current champion, Goku Son! Her mother won third place in the tournament last year, so it's safe to say that fighting runs in the family! Let's have a big round of applause for Chi-Chi, again!"

The crowd applauded some more, and Chi-Chi was very happy. She ran straight to her daddy and told him every single little detail of the fights.

* * *

A half hour later, the World Martial Arts Tournament officially began. There were not too many good fights in the first round, because almost half of the contestants were non-fighters who qualified, just because they were good at videogames. In fact, I'd say there were only three fights worth watching.

The first fight that was worth watching was the second one, between Yamcha and Dende. It was the only first-round fight between two different Z-Fighters.

"I should warn you, I'm a pretty good fighter," Yamcha told Dende.

"As if!" Dende said. "I know all about you, Yamcha. You're one of those useless characters who's left over from Dragon Ball, like Oolong and Chaotzu."

"Useless?" Yamcha asked. "Left over?"

"Yeah, you should have left this series a long time ago, like Tien did," Dende said. "I mean seriously, why are you still here? You haven't had your own plotline in decades."

"Hey, now that's not true!" Yamcha said. "I'm an important member of the Z-Fighters!"

"No you're not," Dende said. "The last time you were in a fight was when 18 knocked you out with one hit."

"It was a lucky shot," Yamcha said.

"And the fight before that was the one when Dr. Gero rammed his fist into your chest," Dende said.

"You mean, when I rammed my chest into his fist!" Yamcha said. "Nobody can stop the Wolf Fang Fist! Yeah!"

"And after _that_, the last time you were in a fight was when you were killed by the Saibaman," Dende said.

"Hey, I got a couple fight scenes in some of the movies!" Yamcha said. "Don't forget those!"

"Let's just get this over with," Dende said. He lunged at Yamcha, but Yamcha was able to quickly counter. In fact, Yamcha pretty much dominated the entire fight, and after two minutes, Dende was on his back.

"Ha! Where's your trash talk now?" Yamcha asked.

"One! Two! Three!" the announcer started counting.

Dende put his hands on his chest. "HEAL!" he shouted. His power level shot back up to its maximum, and he stood back up.

"You can heal yourself whenever you want?" Yamcha asked. "That's...that's so unfair!"

"I got the idea from Cell," Dende said. "You're toast, Yamcha!"

* * *

At the time Yamcha's fight was going on, Goku came up to Gohan inside the fighters' room.

"Hey, Dad!" Gohan said. "Ready for your first match?"

"We need to talk," Goku said, in a surprisingly serious tone. Usually, Goku never acted this serious unless he was fighting a supervillain.

"Right," Gohan said, nodding. "I've got something to say to you."

Goku and Gohan walked towards the corner of the room, where they could have relative privacy.

"It's about my opponent," Goku said. "Have you seen him?"

Gohan cast a glance at the lanky black man who was supposed to fight Goku in the first round. He seemed very nervous. "Yeah, what's up with him?" Gohan asked.

"I think he's Majin Buu," Goku said.

If Gohan had been drinking something, he would have spit it out. "Majin Buu? The evil pink monster? He looks nothing _like_ that guy!"

"His name is Uub Najim," Goku said. "And that's Majin Buu spelled backwards. That means he _has_ to be the reincarnation of Buu."

"That's just a coincidence," Gohan said. "I mean, he _can't_ be the reincarnation of Majin Buu! That's impossible!"

"Why is it impossible?" Goku asked.

"First off, there is no such thing as reincarnation," Gohan said. "When a bad person like Majin Buu dies, he goes straight to Hell. He doesn't get born again as another person. You've died and gone to the afterlife before, so you should know this already."

"Well...yeah..." Goku said.

"And second of all, Majin Buu was destroyed six years ago," Gohan explained. "Uub has to be at least eighteen, otherwise he'd be in the Junior Division. So he and Buu were alive at the same time. Therefore, he _can't_ be Buu's reincarnation."

"Okay, I guess you're right," Goku said. "But there's still something strange about him that I can't shake."

"It's okay, Dad," Gohan said, putting his hand on Goku's upper arm. "I'm sure you can win. And if you can't, well...maybe that's for the best."

"Huh? What do you mean?" Goku asked.

"Well...I'm not sure how to ask this, but could you let me win the semi-finals?" Gohan asked.

"We haven't even had the quarter-finals yet!" Goku said.

"Yeah, but obviously, I'm going to win this round, then beat Videl in the next round, which means the opponent I'll fight after that is you," Gohan said. "So, could you let me win?"

Videl looked up, suddenly. Like most people, she noticed whenever someone nearby said her name, even when it was part of another conversation. She walked up towards Goku and Gohan.

"Why do you want to win?" Goku asked.

"I need the money for something private," Gohan said.

Videl's mouth, which had partially opened to utter a greeting, clamped shut. She raised her eyebrows, interested, and she stopped behind Gohan.

"Oh, well, that's—"

_Ask him what it is_, Videl thought at Goku. She had finally learned how to transmit her thoughts telepathically, after a lesson from Vegeta. You see, Saiyan warriors invented the telepathic communication technique in order to help them win battles, so Vegeta was the best telepathic teacher Videl could find.

"I mean, sorry," Goku said. "But unless you tell me why you need the money, I'm not going to throw the fight. I hate cheating, you know!"

"It's for Videl," Gohan said. "I want to buy her a house."

"A house?" Videl asked. Then she clamped her hands over her mouth. "Whoops."

"Videl!" Gohan said, whirling around. "Were you spying on us?"

"No, I just walked up," Videl said. "Why do you want to buy me a house?"

"Well, not _you_, more like _us_," Gohan said. "I want to buy a house for _us_ to live in! ...And I kinda wanted it to be a surprise..."

"Some surprise," Videl said. "Is this because I still live with my parents?"

"Kind of," Gohan said. "I'm sick of living in the dorms, and I was thinking we could rent an apartment together. But then I figured that you deserve more than just a crummy old apartment."

"That doesn't mean you have to go whole hog and buy a _house_," Videl said. "You know I'd be willing to live anywhere, as long as it's with you."

"Aw..." Goku said. "That's so sweet!"

"Dad!" Gohan said.

"Well, it is," Goku said. "When Chi-Chi and I first talked about getting a house, she just yelled at me."

"You should have told me earlier that you were thinking about this," Videl said. "I could help pay for something, you know."

"Yeah, I know," Gohan said. "I just...I dunno, it seemed like the right thing to do. I mean, you deserve something really special."

"I haven't done anything to deserve something special," Videl said. "Except maybe save the world a few dozen times...but you helped with that, too."

"I just like doing nice things for you, okay?" Gohan snapped.

Videl's eyes narrowed. "Goku, could you give us a minute alone together?" she asked.

"Sure," Goku said. "Try not to get upset at each other, okay? You're not scheduled to fight until the second round of the tournament."

Goku wandered off, trying to find the free fighters' buffet area.

"What the heck was that?" Videl asked.

"What was what?" Gohan asked.

"You got pissy with me, that's what!" Videl said.

"I did not!" Gohan said.

"You're acting weird, Gohan," Videl said, waving her finger at him. "Trying to buy a house without me knowing, getting mad for no reason—don't think I won't figure out why you're—oh, crap, Erasa's been talking to you, hasn't she?"

"Well...yeah," Gohan said. "She says that we need to take our relationship to the next level."

"Who cares if Erasa wants us to have sex?" Videl asked.

"Sex?" Gohan asked. "Is _that _what the next level is? I thought she was talking about buying real estate!"

Videl rolled her eyes. Gohan was a lot better than he was when he first came to Hercule City, but he was still a little unfamiliar with certain slang terms. "Why on Earth would you think _that?_" she asked.

"She talked about getting a place all to ourselves, with a nice big bed, and..." Gohan thought about what Erasa said. "Okay, maybe she _was_ talking about sex."

Videl made a mental note to get some new, less pervy friends.

"But she's got a point," Gohan said. "I don't want to wait another four years until I get my teaching degree, before I start my life together with you."

Videl groaned in frustration. "What does that even _mean?_" she asked. "That our relationship now is a fake? That we're somehow _not_ really living unless we're together?"

"All I know is that you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with," Gohan said. "I want to get married and live with you. Why not start now?"

"Because we just got out of college, and we're dirt poor," Videl said. "But it's okay. I want that too, someday."

"Good," Gohan said. "I love you, you know."

"I knew that," Videl said. "I love you, too. Even if you _were_ planning on sneaking around behind my back and buying a house with your championship earnings."

"I _was_ going to ask you about the house, before I bought it," Gohan said. "I'm not _that_ dumb."

"Not that dumb, huh?" Videl asked. "Get real, Gohan. You have to be a total idiot not to see the problem with that plan."

"Problem?" Gohan asked. "What are you talking about?"

Videl grinned. "You'll never make it to the championships this year. There's no way you're going to beat me in the second round."

* * *

_Meanwhile, In Outer Space..._

The two doctors stood outside the rejuvenation tank, watching the floating man inside.

"Is he ready?" the first doctor asked.

"Yes," the second doctor said. He pushed the necessary buttons, and the tank drained itself. The man inside took a deep breath as he woke up.

"This is your tenth consecutive trip to the rejuvenation tank!" the first doctor scolded. "Why does you push himself so hard?"

"You know these Saiyans," the other doctor said. "They always push themselves too far, in their quest to be the best."

"Actually, that's not true," the Saiyan said, shaking his head to get any rejuvenation tank goo out of his hair. "Don't you know? A Saiyan's power level increases dramatically when he recovers from a near-death experience."

"So?" the doctor asked.

"And the rejuvenation tank completely heals you from any near-death experience..." the Saiyan said, waving his hand in an explanatory manner.

"Oh! I get it!" the first doctor said. "You're purposely getting injured and using the rejuvenation tank to heal yourself!"

"Exactly," the Saiyan grinned. "I use the multi-form technique to injure myself, then I get back inside the rejuvenation tank. By now, my power level is over a thousand times larger than what it was a month ago! I tell you, this power-boosting method is more effective than any training technique could possibly be!"

"That's great, but do you think you could _stop_ getting injured so often?" the second doctor said. "This _is_ supposed to be a hospital, after all. Use the rejuvenation tanks at the local training center instead."

"That's okay," the Saiyan said, stepping down from the machine. "I don't need to use the rejuvenation tank again. My power level has already hit its maximum. It's time for me to finish my business on Earth."

"You mean—?" the doctor asked.

"Radditz is back," Radditz grinned. "And now, I will finally have revenge on my younger brother! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Radditz asked, annoyed. "You're interrupting my evil laugh!"

"It's me," Piccolo said, stepping into the room. "Look, Radditz, I know you want to make your triumphant return and be a major DragonBall Z villain again, but there's not enough time for you to do that. We're at the end of this story."

"We are?" Radditz asked.

"Yes, and besides, you weren't that good of a villain to begin with," Piccolo said. "I mean, I defeated in one move!"

"It was a lucky shot!" Radditz said.

"Oh, yeah?" Piccolo asked. Quick as a whip, he charged up an attack. "Special Beam Cannon!"

Piccolo's attack went squarely through Radditz's chest. The Saiyan collapsed backwards and smashed into the rejuvenation tank, breaking it into pieces.

"The rejuvenation tank!" the first doctor cried. "That thing costs five thousand dollars to replace, you idiot!"

"No!" Radditz gasped. "You—I thought that move takes five minutes to charge!"

"Yeah, I just made up that whole five minutes thing for dramatic effect," Piccolo said. "I never had to charge it in any of the other DBZ episodes, you know."

"Bleaurgh..." Radditz groaned, before dying.

* * *

The World Martial Arts Championships continued that day, as you would expect. Hercule beat Dende in the second round by picking Dende up and throwing him out of the ring, Goku had no major problems fighting Uub, and Videl kissed Gohan on national TV again.

"They do that _every_ tournament," Erasa said to her fiancée. Her fiancée, by the way, was the actor who played Sharpener in _Hercule Defeats Frieza_. The real Sharpener found this to be rather annoying—"You'll go out with a fake me, but you won't go out with the real thing?" he asked—but he was too busy trying to win Barrette back to complain very much.

Kissing Gohan was Videl's secret strategy, in order to win the fight against him. The idea was that Gohan would be too distracted by the kiss to fight properly. That strategy probably would have worked with a guy like Sharpener, but Gohan was too focused of a fighter to let something like a kiss throw him off of his game.

Videl just shrugged as Gohan knocked her out of the ring. You can't win every battle, you know. Especially when you're battling a half-alien with superpowers.

The final round of the tournament was Hercule versus Goku. Goku let Hercule win that year, in their most popular battle yet.

The afterparty at Hercule's mansion was the very definition of large, and it lasted until three in the morning. If you went to the party—which you probably didn't—you would have found Videl and Gohan trying to hide outside, by the pool that was on the opposite side of the house.

"So..." Videl said, dipping her feet into the water. "If we _did_ get married and have kids, what would call them?"

"I only want one child," Gohan said. "A little girl named Pan."

"Pan?"

"Yeah, she'll wear an orange bandana all the time, and she'll be the only thing close to a bright spot in an otherwise horrible TV show," Gohan said.

"_Pan?_"

"Yes, Pan," Gohan said. "What's wrong with the name Pan?"

"We are _not_ naming our daughter after a cooking utensil," Videl said. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of."

"Fine, what would _you_ call her?" Gohan asked.

"Something better than Pan!" Videl said. "That's the worst girl's name ever!"

"I think it's cute," Gohan said.

"And what if we had a boy?" Videl asked. "What horrible name would you bestow upon him?"

"That's easy," Gohan said. "I'd name him after my good friend, Piccolo."

"You'd name our child after the green guy," Videl said, shaking her head. "See, this is why we shouldn't get married."

"Whatever," Gohan said. "You'd marry me, no matter _what_ I'd name our kids."

And that's just what she did, two years later.

(She still refused to have a daughter named Pan, though.)

_The End_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay, that's the end of the story. Thanks to everyone for reading! It's been a wild and crazy ride, and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did!


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